Grief and LossGrief and Loss

What Causes us Grief?What Causes us Grief?

Death of someone close to usDeath of someone close to usDivorceDivorceAbuseAbuseEating DisordersEating DisordersLoss of a jobLoss of a jobLife Altering AccidentLife Altering AccidentParalysisParalysisOthers you can think of…Others you can think of…

5 Stages of Grief5 Stages of Grief

DenialDenial

AngerAnger

BargainingBargaining

DepressionDepression

AcceptanceAcceptance

DenialDenialDenialDenial: : At first, we tend to deny the loss At first, we tend to deny the loss that has taken place, and may withdraw that has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. from our usual social contacts. “This is “This is not happening to me!”not happening to me!”

AngerAngerThe grieving person may then be furious The grieving person may then be furious at the cause of the loss and is angry with at the cause of the loss and is angry with the situation. the situation. “Why is this happening to “Why is this happening to me?!”me?!”

BargainingBargainingNow the grieving person may make bargains Now the grieving person may make bargains with someone, something, or even a higher with someone, something, or even a higher power, asking, power, asking, “If I do this, will you take away “If I do this, will you take away the loss?”the loss?”

DepressionDepressionThe person feels numb, although anger The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneathand sadness may remain underneath. . “I “I don’t care anymore.”don’t care anymore.”

AcceptanceAcceptanceThis is when the anger, sadness and This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. mourning have tapered off. The person The person simply accepts the reality of the loss. simply accepts the reality of the loss. “It will be okay.”“It will be okay.”

Coping MechanismsCoping MechanismsWhat do people need to do to help them deal What do people need to do to help them deal

with grief?with grief?This will be different for everyone. Most people This will be different for everyone. Most people

find they need to:find they need to:Grieve in their own way and in their own time.Grieve in their own way and in their own time.Hear the advice of others, but choose what they need or Hear the advice of others, but choose what they need or what feels right for them.what feels right for them.Take care of themselvesTake care of themselvesRest, relax and exerciseRest, relax and exerciseHave time aloneHave time aloneSpend time with someone they trustSpend time with someone they trustUnderstand what has happened and make sense of the Understand what has happened and make sense of the changes that are happening in their lives.changes that are happening in their lives.Make as few changes as possible until they feel they are Make as few changes as possible until they feel they are ready, usually about a year.ready, usually about a year.

Be with someone who:Be with someone who:

Has patienceHas patience

Is willing to listenIs willing to listen

Respects feelingsRespects feelings

Is not upset by tearsIs not upset by tears

Will keep the persons story privateWill keep the persons story private

How to help others who are grieving…How to help others who are grieving…It is not easy to help others with their grief. It is even harder It is not easy to help others with their grief. It is even harder to help someone when you are dealing with your own grief. to help someone when you are dealing with your own grief.

Ways to help may include to:Ways to help may include to:

Listen as they repeat their story over and over and the Listen as they repeat their story over and over and the story of the life of the person who died (the good and not story of the life of the person who died (the good and not so good)so good)Accept what they are saying without denying it or making Accept what they are saying without denying it or making their grief seem less than what they say it is.their grief seem less than what they say it is.Talk with them about what has happened. Do not lessen Talk with them about what has happened. Do not lessen the importance of their grief with comments such as or “it the importance of their grief with comments such as or “it was for the best” or “I completely understand how you was for the best” or “I completely understand how you feel”.feel”.Try to understand their fear and what the loss means to Try to understand their fear and what the loss means to them.them.Find out what is helpful to them, what they need and if Find out what is helpful to them, what they need and if they need you to help them get it.they need you to help them get it.Give help like cooking a meal or baby sitting.Give help like cooking a meal or baby sitting.

Grief Grief is the most intense and enduring is the most intense and enduring emotion we can experienceemotion we can experience. Help . Help yourself and help others whenever you or yourself and help others whenever you or someone else you know may be someone else you know may be experiencing grief!experiencing grief!

Lifetime Achievement AssignmentLifetime Achievement AssignmentLets celebrate your LegacyLets celebrate your Legacy

Must include the following:

Date of birth, place of birth

Date of death, place of death (optional – not required)

Name of high school or college from which he/she attended or graduated

Military service and decorations (optional)

Jobs held - including retirement

Names and relations of family members, surviving.

Awards/Recognitions received

Organizations to which the deceased belonged (volunteer work, fraternal organizations, veterans’ groups, etc.)

Must be Positive and Upbeat – Nothing Negative! (At least 75 years old or older)

Note: It’s a celebration of all the wonderful things You hope to accomplish in a lifetime.

Sample of Lifetime Achievement Sample of Lifetime Achievement AssignmentAssignment

Cured Cancer

Caught the winning touchdown in the Superbowl

Was a college professor

Held many degrees

Was known as a kind, loving person, who was always willing to help others.

Had 5 kids

Help build schools for under developed countries

Wrote many books

Became a war hero

Became a successful teacher

Whatever it is go BIG, remember this is a lifetime of all the wonderful things you plan to accomplish. Remember it must be positive and upbeat.