grain forecast
TRANSCRIPT
-
7/26/2019 Grain Forecast
1/1
5HOUT5 & MURMUI \5
GRAI N F ORECAST
BY 5HON ARIEH-LERER
It's hard to imagine, but a few years back,
e knew what quinoa was. Now, we
entally, is actually a seed., . .Which grains
The Huffington Post.
R H E T T
Rhett is a milled-harvest bug wheat
eming diva of a grain can be used
a base in a variety of summer dishes,
luding rhett spread, rhett under beets.
aged widespread consumption of the
cheap-to-harvest grain with the slo
gan "It's not bad: it's worse "
Pro tip: Worse has valuable health
benefits. When sanded down and ster
ilized, it can be used as the tip of a
medical swab.
O A L - E
Roll over, quinoa, this new grain
has a dash in its name Oal-e (pro
nounced "Dennis") is a common brown
grain, native to Asia and parts of Af
rica, that gets its name from market-
surprisingly, not another type of food.
For example, peanuts are not actually
nuts, so they're considered legumes.
Tomatoes are double legumes: they're
not actually vegetables, which makes
them fruit and also makes them le
gumes, which means that they're not
actually fruit, which makes them dou
ble legumes. Greek zorba is an infin
ity legume: it's not actually a grain,
which makes it a legume, but it's a
legume despite being a grain, which
makes it a grain, which makes it not
actually a legume, which in turn makes
it a legume again, which makes it not
actually a grain. Because zorba is so
rich in logic, it was commonly used
i n t h e a n c i e n t M e d i t e r r a n e a n a s a
b r a i n - b o o s t e r .
Pro tip: Zorba's flavor is umami,
which is Japanese for "impossible to
describe." If you hear somebody try-
and rhetted beets. Rhett's ambitious
texture and "eyes on the prize" flavor
are paying off": the grain is slowly but
surely backstabbing its way to the top
of this harvest's B-list. (Poor sorghum )
Pro tip: Rhett is harvested from the
bottoms of used crates at the Park Slope
Food Co-op. Help the crop this year
by participating in the third annual
Rliett Scrape. ($86 entrance fee.)
W O R S E
Worse is the lovable underdog of
the grain world. It is a coarse-grade
compound grain with a vibrantly chalky
mouth feel. A favorite of nineteenth-
century Bavarian contractors, con
gealed worse is also a great substitute
for stucco; plus, it's gluten-free Worse
has a rich history: in the nineteen-
thirties, the U.S. government encour-
ing executives at Whole Foods. Oal-e
is often jokingly referred to as t-oo-
my'a., which is a satirical nod to the
grain's vowel-heavy moniker. Reading
through this paragraph, you're prob
ably pronouncing oal-e' in your head
as "oh-all-ayc," even though, as stated,
it should be pronounced "Dennis." Do
yourself a favor, and reread the para
graph, pronouncing oal-e correctly.
Pro tip: Adding some oal-e'to your
evening salad is a great way to let peo
ple know that you've heard of oal-e'.
But just remember, if you're new to
using oal-e, you're probably better ofif
calling it ei-h, ea-q-o, or "brown rice."
ZORBA (greek)
Greek zorba, despite being con
sidered a grain, is actually a legume.
A legume is any type of food that is,
ing to describe the taste of zorba as
"umami," you can tell them, "No, ac
tually, it's umami."
B O O M
The big winner this season is boom.
Boom is a groat type of super oat, rich
in antioxidants, bonus fats, and hy
perlinks. Load up your mega-pilaf
with some boom to send your family
a clear message that you value maxi
mum lipids and giga-bios over baddy
acids and nega-bozos. That's right,
boom is bad-free: it's what Mother
Earth has been dying to serve her
children. Destined to be the new ul
tra-stuff, boom is also a good source
of kapow-bang science food. Mmm-
healthy.
Pro tip: To avoid death or sponta
neous urination, cook with quinoa.
THE NE^ VOKKEfl, APIIIL 4. 20I6
3 9