grade 8 – expository writing web viewlos alamos scientists successfully test a plutonium...

Dysart Unified School District

8th GRADE

Interactive Expository WritingLanguage Arts Benchmark 2Social Studies DBQ – Form B

Student Name

School

Date Criteria for final draft must be present to be graded

Teacher NameScore using the holistic rubric ________ (1-6)

1=FFB 2=FFB 3=APP4=Meets 5=Exceeds 6=Exceeds

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://kk.org/ct2/fatman.gif&imgrefurl=http://kk.org/ct2/2007/10/the-influence-of-science-ficti.php&usg=__2HSkehZpeGfUvpYyDqRZcfM3aVc=&h=257&w=377&sz=109&hl=en&start=13&zoom=1&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=djEks7mzCHPiQM:&tbnh=83&tbnw=122&prev=/search?q=atomic+bomb&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1004&bih=610&tbm=isch&ei=bS3pTa6FF4uisAPhjP3-DQ

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://obit-mag.com/media/image/3889_tibbets2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://obit-mag.com/articles/paul-tibbets-dropped-first-atomic-bomb-dies-at-92&usg=__q8irs7A7WuM_dt85njeESmzhsLs=&h=410&w=360&sz=40&hl=en&start=17&zoom=1&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=O4M7JyrJRvRtmM:&tbnh=125&tbnw=110&prev=/search?q=atomic+bomb&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1004&bih=610&tbm=isch&ei=bS3pTa6FF4uisAPhjP3-DQ

Grade 8 – Expository Writing

Overview

Time Line:

Day 1: Introduction of prompt and grading procedures/Document analysis/Notes/Trigger questions

Day 2: Research/Share and discuss/Complete research charts

Day 3: Research/Share and discuss/Complete research charts

Day 4: Thesis formation/Graphic organizer

Day 5-6: Rough draft including all citations/Peer review

Day 6-7: Write final draft

LA Benchmark/DBQ Essay Prerequisite Grade Checklist:

Task PointsAnalyzing DocumentsResearch ChartsPre-WritingRough DraftBibliographySpeaking and Listening

Strategies for Success: Underline/highlight directional and specific topic words in the prompt. It is important that you

fully understand what it is you are responding to. (Role, Audience, Format, Topic) Each document is important. With every document, realize that you need to analyze and identify

the importance of that document so you can respond appropriately to the prompt. You will use and cite evidence from these documents in your writing.

Use the right column of the document pages to pose questions, take notes, point out ideas, and organize information.

Use summary questions at the bottom to respond to the prompt with the information from the document or the writer’s style. Keep the prompt in mind. What is the important evidence?

When reading documents, use reading strategies to help you understand. These should include: slow down, write notes, highlight, reread, pose questions, visualize, look for patterns, use punctuation to your advantage, summarize.

Before drafting, know all requirements of the written response by reading the rubric. Use blue or black pen to write your final draft.

Speaking and Listening Rubric – Collaborative Conversations, Grades 6-8

Dysart Unified School District, September, 2014


SKILLS6

Exceeds4-5

Meets2-3

Approaches0-1

Falls Far Below

Come to a discussion prepared

● Actively pre-reads materials (marks text) and researches topic

● Understands topic● References applicable

outside sources● Internalizes/readily

recalls information

● Actively pre-reads materials (marks text) and researches topic

● Prepares topic clarification questions before discussion

● Refers to notes during discussion

● Reads materials but is not prepared for discussion

● Prepares limited or incomplete notes

● Skims or fails to read materials completely

● Fails to prepare notes or bring materials

Follow rules for collegial

discussions

● Respectfully listens, interacts and poses questions to all team members

● Helps direct group in reaching a conclusion

● Superior use of time/meets goals

● Respectfully listens to others without talking over anyone

● Seeks others’ opinions

● Stays on task/topic● Effective use of

time/meets goals

● Listens but occasionally speaks out of order

● Strays from task/topic

● Ineffective use of time/does not meet goals

● Listens but avoids speaking

● Speaks but is off topic most of the time

● Disrespectful to others or disruptive

● Ineffective use of time/does not meet goals

Acknowledge new

information expressed by

others

● Expresses own views while acknowledging others’ views

● Respectfully challenges unsubstantiated claims

● Reflects on own views in light of new information

● Willing to change positions with substantial evidence

● Expresses own views and listens to others’ views

● Asks for clarification of others’ views as needed

● Accepts new information based on evidence provided

● Listens to others and sometimes gives input.

● Rarely asks for clarification of others’ views

● Considers changing position, but does not despite evidence

● Disregards or ignores information expressed by others

● Does not develop a position

● Refuses to consider changing position

● Disengages from discussion when new information is presented

Pose questions that connect

ideas

● Questions make connections between credible evidence, others’ views, and personal observations

● Questions suggest connections between credible evidence and personal observations and ideas

● Questions attempt only obvious or limited connections between evidence and personal observations

● Questions connect only to personal observations or are nonexistent

Apply thinking processes

● Analyzes significance or weakness of an argument

● Evaluates soundness of evidence

● Evaluates reasoning and opinions of others

● Draws conclusions beyond the obvious

● Demonstrates superior ability to speak about a topic and makes sound connections

● Identifies major points of an argument

● Identifies relevance of evidence

● Considers reasoning and opinions of others

● Draws simple or obvious conclusions

● Demonstrates effective ability to speak about a topic and makes general connections

● Paraphrases others’ discussion of the credibility of an argument or evidence

● Fails to consider reasoning or opinions of others

● Draws basic conclusions

● Demonstrates some ability to speak about a topic and makes limited

● Unable/unwilling to follow an argument or evidence

● Unable/unwilling to consider reasoning or opinions of others

● Unable/unwilling to draw conclusions

● Unable/unwilling to speak about a topic or to make any connections



connections

Historical Background Information

The decision to drop atomic bombs in August 1945 on the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a very serious and grave decision made by the United States – one that would nonetheless contribute to the end of World War II in the Pacific. The United States and Japan fought a bloody war between 1941 and 1945 punctuated by intense combat actions by both countries that led to millions of military and civilian casualties. During the war, the United States discovered and pursued the development of atomic weapons which they eventually used to end the war. Since the end of the war, America’s reasons for developing and using atomic bombs have been questioned. As eighth grade students, you are now going to explain the United States’ reasons for developing and using atomic bombs.

PROMPTExplain the U.S. decision to develop and use atomic bombs during WWII?

THINK ABOUT: How far are nations willing to go to protect their citizens? What technological and intellectual resources are needed to create atomic weapons? What reasons were given for developing weapons of mass destruction? What were the consequences of developing these to the Japanese people? What were the

consequences to the American people? Could the United States have ended the war without the Atomic Bomb?



Document A-1-2:

Document A-1: National Archives: Letter from Albert Einstein to President Franklin Delano Roosevelt about the possible construction of nuclear bombs.

http://www.npr.org/templates/

story/story.php?storyId=4670423

Sir:Some recent work by E. Fermi and L. Szilard, which has been communicated to me in manuscript, leads me to expect that the element uranium may be turned into a new and important source of energy in the immediate future. Certain aspects of the situation which has arisen seem to call for watchfulness and, if necessary, quick action on the part of the administration. I believe therefore that it is my duty to bring to your attention the following facts and recommendations:

In the course of the last four months it has been made probable -- through the work of Joliot in France as well as Fermi and Szilard in America -- that it may become possible to set up a nuclear chain reaction in a large mass of uranium, by which vast amounts of power and large quantities of new radium like elements would be generated. Now it appears almost certain that this could be achieved in the immediate future.

This new phenomenon would also lead to the construction of bombs, and it is conceivable -- though much less certain -- that extremely powerful bombs of a new type may thus be constructed. A single bomb of this type, carried by boat and exploded in a port, might very well destroy the whole port together with some of the surrounding territory. However, such bombs might very well prove to be too heavy for transportation by air.

The United States has only very poor [illegible] of uranium in moderate quantities. There is some good ore in Canada and the former Czechoslovakia, while the most important source of Uranium is Belgian Congo.

In view of this situation you may think it desirable to have some permanent contact maintained between the Administration and the group of physicists working on chain reactions in America. One possible way of achieving this might be for you to entrust with this task a person who has your confidence and who could perhaps serve in an unofficial capacity. His task might comprise the following:

a) To approach Government Departments, keep them informed of the further

Notes


Old Grove Rd.Nassau PointPeconic, Long Island

August 2nd, 1939

F.D. RooseveltPresident of the United StatesWhite HouseWashington, D.C.

http://www.npr.org/templates/


development, and out forward recommendations for Government action, giving particular attention to the problem of uranium ore for the United States;

b) To speed up the experimental work, which is at present being carried on within the limits of the budgets of University laboratories, by providing funds, if such funds be required, through his contacts with private persons who are willing to make a contribution for this cause, and perhaps also by obtaining the co-operation of industrial laboratories which have the necessary equipment.

I understand that Germany has actually stopped the sale of uranium from the Czechoslovakian mines, which she has taken over. That she should have taken such early action might perhaps be understood on the ground that the son of the German Under-Secretary of State, Von Weishlicker [sic], is attached to the Kaiser Wilheim Institute in Berlin where some of the American work on uranium is now being repeated.

Yours very truly,

(Albert Einstein)

Source: Argonne National Laboratory

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/primary-resources/truman-ein39

In-Text Citation: ("American Experience: TV's most-watched history series.")

Work Cited:“American Experience: TV's most-watched history series..” Letter from Albert Einstein

to FDR, 8/2/39 . Truman . WGBH American Experience | PBS. PBS, n.d. Web. 17 September 2013.

Document A-2: Excerpts from The Department of Energy’s History Timeline (1838-1950)

December 1938The German radiochemists Otto Hahn and Fritz Strassmann discover the process of fission in uranium.

August 2, 1939Albert Einstein writes President Franklin D. Roosevelt, alerting the President to the importance of research on nuclear chain reactions and the possibility that research might lead to developing powerful bombs. Einstein notes that Germany has stopped the sale of uranium and German physicists are engaged in uranium research.

September 1, 1939Germany invades Poland. World War II begins.

Notes


http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/primary-resources/truman-ein39


February 24, 1941Glenn T. Seaborg’s research group at the University of California in Berkeley discovers plutonium.

May 28, 1941Roosevelt establishes the Office of Petroleum Coordinator for National Defense, later the Petroleum Administration for War, to issue rules governing the production, transportation, and distribution of petroleum and petroleum products.

December 7, 1941The Japanese attack Pearl Harbor. The United States enters the war.

January 19, 1942President Roosevelt approves production of the atomic bomb following receipt of a National Academy of Sciences report determining that a bomb is feasible.

June 17, 1942President Roosevelt instructs the Army to take responsibility for construction of atomic weapons complex. The Army delegates the task to the Corps of Engineers.

August 13, 1942The Army Corps of Engineers establishes the Manhattan Engineer District to develop and build the atomic bomb. Uranium isotope separation facilities are built at Oak Ridge, Tennessee; plutonium production reactors are built at Hanford, Washington; and a weapons laboratory is set up at Los Alamos, New Mexico.

September 19, 1942Brigadier General Leslie R. Groves, head of the Manhattan Engineer District, selects Oak Ridge, Tennessee, site for facilities to produce nuclear materials. Isotope separation of uranium235 takes place in the gaseous diffusion plant built in the K-25 area of the site, in the electromagnetic plant in the Y-12 area, and in the liquid thermal diffusion plant. A pilot pile (reactor) and plutonium separation facility are built and operated at the X-10 area.

November 25, 1942Groves selects Los Alamos, New Mexico, as site for separate scientific laboratory to design an atomic bomb.

December 2, 1942Metallurgical Laboratory scientists led by Enrico Fermi achieve the first self-sustained nuclear chain reaction in pile constructed under the west grandstand at Stagg field in Chicago.

January 16, 1943Groves selects Hanford, Washington, as site for full-scale plutonium production and separation facilities. Three reactors--B, D, and F--are built.

April 12, 1945

Notes



President Roosevelt dies. Harry S. Truman becomes President.

May 7, 1945Germany surrenders.

July 16, 1945Los Alamos scientists successfully test a plutonium implosion bomb in the Trinity shot at Alamogordo, New Mexico.

http://energy.gov/management/office-management/operational-management/history/doe-history-timeline/timeline-events

In-Text Citation: ("Energy.gov")

Work Cited:“Energy.gov. ” Timeline of Events: 1938-1950 | Department of Energy. Department of

Energy, n.d. Web. 17 September 2013.

Respond and discuss:

1. What is the purpose of Einstein’s letter to President Roosevelt?

2. What can be inferred from the time-line to determine President Roosevelt’s response to Einstein’s letter?

3. How do these two documents together support your thesis and explanation for why the United States’ developed atomic bombs?

Notes



Document C -1-3: Words from President Harry S. Truman

Harry Truman, half-length portrait, seated at desk, facing front, holding pencil, ca.1945.Prints and Photographs Division, Library of Congress. Reproduction Number LC-USZ62-70080.

Document C- 1: Truman’s Personal Diary:“I asked General Marshall what it would cost in lives to land on the Tokyo plain and other places in Japan. It was his opinion that such an invasion would cost at a minimum one quarter of a million casualties, and might cost as much as a million, on the American side alone, with an equal number of the enemy. The other military and naval men present agreed. I asked Secretary Stimson which sites in Japan were devoted to war production. He promptly named Hiroshima and Nagasaki, among others. We sent an ultimatum to Japan. It was rejected.”http://www.atomicarchive.com/Docs/Hiroshima/Truman.shtml

In-Text Citation: ("Truman's Reflections on the Atomic Bombings")

Work Cited:“Truman's Reflections on the Atomic Bombings.” Truman's Reflections on the Atomic

Bombings | The Bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki | Historical Documents /atomicarchive.com. atomicarchive.com, n.d. Web. 17 September 2013.

Document C-2: Truman’s 1945 Memoirs:“It was their recommendation that the bomb be used against the enemy as soon as it could be done. They recommended further that it should be used without specific warning and against a target that would clearly show its devastating strength. I had realized, of course, that an atomic bomb explosion would inflict damage and casualties beyond imagination. On the other hand, the scientific advisers of the committee reported, "We can propose no technical demonstration likely to bring an end to the war; we see no acceptable alternative to direct military use." It was their conclusion that no technical demonstration they might propose, such as over a deserted island, would be likely to bring the war to an end. It had to be used against an enemy target.

The final decision of where and when to use the atomic bomb was up to me. Let there be no mistake about it. I regarded the bomb as a military weapon and never had any doubt that it should be used. The top military advisers to the President recommended

Notes



its use, and when I talked to Churchill he unhesitatingly told me that he favored the use of the atomic bomb if it might aid to end the war....

In deciding to use this bomb I wanted to make sure that it would be used as a weapon of war in the manner prescribed by the laws of war. That meant that I wanted it dropped on a military target. I had told Stimson that the bomb should be dropped as nearly as possibly upon a war production center of prime military importance....”

http://instruct.westvalley.edu/kelly/History17b_on_campus/Readings/Truman_bomb.htm

In-Text Citation: ("Truman")

Work Cited:“Truman. ” Truman. n.p., n.d. Web. 17 September 2013.

Document C-3: Radio Broadcast for President Harry S Truman August 7, 1945

Sixteen hours ago an American airplane dropped one bomb on Hiroshima and destroyed its usefulness to the enemy. It is an atomic bomb. It is a harnessing of the basic power of the universe. The force from which the sun draws its power has been loosed against those who brought war to the Far East. We are now prepared to obliterate more rapidly and completely every productive enterprise the Japanese have above ground in any city. We shall destroy their docks, their factories, and their communications. Let there be no mistake; we shall completely destroy Japan’s power to make war. It was to spare the Japanese people from utter destruction that the ultimatum of July 26 was issued at Potsdam. Their leaders promptly rejected that ultimatum. If they do not now accept our terms they may expect a rain of ruin from the air, the like of which has never been seen on this earth. Behind this air attack will follow sea and land forces in such number that and power as they have not yet seen and with the fighting skill of which they are already well aware.

"American Experience: TV's Most-watched History Series." PBS. PBS, n.d. Web. 12 June 2012.http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/primary-resources/truman-hiroshima/

In-Text Citation: ("American Experience: TV's most-watched history series.")

Work Cited:“American Experience: TV's most-watched history series.. ” Announcing the Bombing of

Hiroshima . Truman . WGBH American Experience | PBS. PBS, n.d. Web. 17 September 2013.

Notes



Document C-4: Audio Recording: : Radio Broadcast for President Harry S Truman August 7, 1945

http://www.c-span.org/video/?294914-1/president-truman-speech-bombing-hiroshima

In-Text Citation: (President Truman Speech After Bombing of Hiroshima)

Work Cited:"President Truman Speech After the Bombing of Hiroshima." C-SPAN.org. N.p., n.d.

Web. 02 June 2014.

Respond and discuss:

1. Using context clues, what reasons does Truman give for the use of the atom bomb?

2. Based on the passages, what is the projected loss of human life in both America and Japan if an American invasion were to take place? According to whom?

Notes





3. What is the main idea from the radio broadcast given by President Harry Truman, August 7, 1945?

Document D: Warning LeafletSource: See Richard S. R. Hubert, "The OWI Saipan Operation," Official Report to US Information Service, Washington, DC 1946

"LeMay bombing leaflet,” which was delivered to Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and 33 other Japanese cities on August 1945.

Read this carefully as it may save your life or the life of a relative or friend. In the next few days, some or all of the cities named on the reverse side will be destroyed by American bombs. These cities contain military installations and workshops or factories which produce military goods. We are determined to destroy all of the tools of the military clique which they are using to prolong this useless war. But, unfortunately, bombs have no eyes. So, in accordance with America's humanitarian policies, the American Air Force, which does not wish to injure innocent people, now gives you warning to evacuate the cities named and save your lives. America is not fighting the Japanese people but is fighting the military clique which has enslaved the Japanese people. The peace which America will bring will free the people from the oppression of the military clique and mean the emergence of a new and better Japan. You can restore peace by demanding new and good leaders who will end the war. We cannot promise that only these cities will be among those attacked but some or all of them will be, so heed this warning and evacuate these cities immediately."

Front side of OWI notice #2106, dubbed the “LeMay bombing leaflet,” which was delivered to Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and 33 other Japanese cities on 1 August 1945.

"CSI." The Information War in the Pacific, 1945 â �” Central Intelligence Agency. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 June 2012.

Notes


https://www.cia.gov/library/center-for-the-study-of-intelligence/csi-publications/csi-studies/studies/vol46no3/graphics/Graphic4front.jpg/image.jpg



Grade 8 – Expository Writinghttps://www.cia.gov/library/center-for-the-study-of-intelligence/csi-publications/csi-studies/studies/vol46no3/article07.htmlIn-Text Citation: ("Central Intelligence Agency")

Work Cited:“Central Intelligence Agency. ” The Information War in the Pacific, 1945 — Central

Intelligence Agency. n.p., n.d. Web. 17 September 2013.

Respond and discuss:1. Based on the passage above, why did the American military justify the use of the

atom bomb when it came to civilian life?

2. How does the above information support America’s use of the atom bomb?

3. What quote(s) can you use to support your thesis?



Student-Generated Research

PROMPTExplain the U.S. decision to develop and use atomic bombs during WWII?

THINK ABOUT: How far are nations willing to go to protect their citizens? What technological and intellectual resources are needed to create atomic weapons? What reasons were given for developing weapons of mass destruction? What were the consequences of developing these to the Japanese people? What were

the consequences to the American people? Could the United States have ended the war without the Atomic Bomb?

Conduct research on this prompt using credible and authentic sources from the internet or another location. Things to consider:

Use both primary and secondary sources Keep searches precise and to the point Use sources that answers the prompt Identify bias in sources Use credible and authentic sources Create complete citations for your Work Cited page

Student Generated Research Launch Page:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4724793.stmhttp://www.pacificwar.org.au/AtomBomb_Japan.htmlhttp://www.colorado.edu/AmStudies/lewis/2010/atomic.htmhttp://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2006/dec/12/nuclearindustry.climatechangehttp://www.c-span.org/video/?300575-1/tale-two-citieshttp://www2.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB162/http://teachinghistory.org/history-content/beyond-the-textbook/25484http://www.ushistory.org/us/51g.asp


http://www.ushistory.org/us/51g.asp

http://teachinghistory.org/history-content/beyond-the-textbook/25484

http://www2.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB162/

http://www.c-span.org/video/?300575-1/tale-two-cities

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2006/dec/12/nuclearindustry.climatechange

http://www.colorado.edu/AmStudies/lewis/2010/atomic.htm

http://www.pacificwar.org.au/AtomBomb_Japan.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4724793.stm


Research Template

Research /General topicSite found or

bibliographic infoHow did you use this site?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Major Resources Used Resource used

Include the URL from above

Information Gained: Show the quote, facts, ideas, or paraphrase that you will you in your response



Content Vocabulary

IMPORTANT: List vocabulary words that you will use to answer the prompt. Look back at the documents to trigger your thoughts. These are words that you will potentially use in your essay. These can be terms inferred during your reading, discussion and research process.

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Planning Your Writing: Use this graphic organizer (or one provided by your teacher) to plan your essay. Be sure to include in text citations.

Graphic Organizer A

INTRODUCTION – Paragraph #11. Attention Getter:

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2. Bridge/Background information:

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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3. Thesis Statement (Should correlate with each topic sentence):

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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BODY:1ST BODY PARAGRAPH

1. Topic Sentence (Should correlate with the thesis statement): _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. Main Point (Opinion or inference about topic sentence): _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. Evidence (Facts, quotes, paraphrases, or summaries from sources): _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

4. Explanation/Elaboration (Explain how the above evidence supports your main point): _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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5. Conclusion/ Transition Sentence (Wrap up the topic and hint at the next topic): _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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2ND BODY PARAGRAPH


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5. Conclusion/ Transition Sentence (Wrap up the topic and hint at the next topic): _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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3RD BODY PARAGRAPH


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5. Conclusion/ Transition Sentence (Wrap up the topic and lead into the conclusion): _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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CONCLUSION – Paragraph #5 (The final paragraph, which is at least two-three sentences, may restate the thesis statement in NEW WORDS, summarize the major points in the essay, predict an outcome related to the thesis, make an emotional appeal or a combination of these. The conclusion may also refer back to the opening anecdote, present a final quote that leaves the reader ultimately satisfied or use any device an introduction might use.)

1. Restate the Thesis Statement and Main Points: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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2. Leave the reader with a final thought: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Rough Draft: Now that you have organized your thoughts and planned your essay, begin your first draft on YOUR OWN paper. DO NOT FORGET YOUR CITATIONS!

Peer Revision

Name of Writer: __________________________________________________

Name of Peer Editor: _____________________________________________

Introduction:Circle the way in which the author attempted to capture the reader’s interest at the beginning of the introduction.

Informational/Explanatory:

Anecdote Unusual fact Startling statement Catchy quote

Other: _________________________________________________

What is the author’s thesis (the last statement of the introduction that states the prompt)?

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With 5 being the BEST, how well does the introduction capture the reader’s interest? 1 2 3 4 5

What made it strong?

What could make it better?



Body:Color the citations green.

Underline the topic sentence in each body paragraph.

Put a box around the two main points.

Circle transition, linking words, or phrases in brown.

Underline the evidence: facts, definitions, and details from the articles about the topic in purple.

Underline elaboration/explanations in red.

What is the concluding sentence?

Conclusion:How does the author make a lasting impression on the reader?

With 5 being the BEST, how engaging and thoughtful was the conclusion? 1 2 3 4 5

What made it strong?

What could make it better?

Extra comments or suggestions:

Editing:Identifying spelling, punctuation and capitalization errors.

Use a green colored pencil to mark capitalization errors that need to be fixed.

Use a red colored pencil to mark punctuation errors that need to be fixed.

Use a purple colored pencil to circle misspelled words.



Use the Expository Revision Checklist, Editing Checklist, and the Holistic Rubric to improve your writing to the Score Point 5 and 6.

Expository Revision Checklist

Did I… Yes No

-Write a thesis statement?

-Include supporting details?

-Write an interesting beginning?

-Stay on topic?

-Organize my ideas thought the essay?

-Use supporting evidence from the documents?

-Explain what the evidence means to my thesis.

-Write a conclusion restating my thesis statement?

-Include citations from my sources correctly?

Expository Editing Checklist

Did I… Yes No

-Use complete sentences?

-Use a variety of sentence types?

-Use precise vocabulary?

-Use all other grammar, punctuation and capitalization rules to the best of my ability?-Spell check?

SELF-REFLECTIONREMEMBER: This is YOUR paper. If you don’t agree with a revision comment about your content, you decide what you want to say. If you don’t agree with an editing correction made by your partner, you should check use a dictionary or check the rules for grammar to make a final decision. Use the Revision Checklist, Editing Checklist, and the Holistic Rubric to improve your writing to the Score Point 5 and 6.

Holistic Rubric for Self Evaluation



Score Point 6● Exceptional clarity, focus, and

control of the topic.● Rich, relevant, and credible

details.● A strong sequence of events.

● Carefully chosen words and clear sentences/ideas.

● A strong voice from the writer that the reader can sense.

● Strong conventions with very few errors.

Grade: Exceeds

Score Point 5● Clarity, focus, and control of the

topic.● Balanced details.

● A relevant beginning and ending.

● A variety of words and sentences that sound natural.

● A good voice from the writer that the reader can sense.

● Good use of conventions with few errors.

Grade: Exceeds

Score Point 4● Adequate ideas with an order

that might be ordinary.● Mostly relevant details that are

clear.● Sequence of events may become

weak.● Effective word choice that is

common.● A sense of voice is present.

● Good conventions were errors don’t affect the reading of the piece.

Grade: Meets

Score Point 3● Simple ideas but not very

interesting.● Details become a little unclear.

● A weak sequence of events and possible out of order.

● Repetition of words and misused.

● A weak voice and little sense of audience.

● Many errors in conventions affect the reading of the piece.

Grade: Approaches

Score Point 2● Very simple and unclear ideas.

● Details are weak or are missing.

● Missing parts of the sequence of events.

● Repetitive words used and it becomes awkward sounding.

● No voice present and may sound choppy and like rambling.

● Many errors in conventions and it becomes hard to read.

Grade: FFB

Score Point 1● No purpose or clear ideas.

● Very little or no details.

● No clear sequence of events.

● Limited vocabulary used and very basic words.

● No voice present or sense of audience.

● Severe and frequent errors in conventions.

Grade: Falls Far Below

Score: FFB 1-2 APR 3 Meets 4 EX 5-6

Final DraftClearly and legibly write your final draft on the attached final draft paper in pencil or in blue or black ink; check to ensure you have cited the source items.

Criteria for the Final Draft: clear and legible writing cite references – use and cite attached documents to support writing use blue/black ink complete on time

To submit your final draft: 1. Take the cover page off the front of this packet and your final draft from the back of the packet. 2. Staple the cover page to your final draft.3. Turn in the final to your teacher.

Final Draft



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Work Cited/Bibliography



You must use the MLA citation included for all documents provided. Use the following websites to create citations for the sources you have found on your own: http://www.easybib.com/, http://www.citelighter.com/ or http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/01/

o Work cited pages include only those sources that have been cited.o Bibliography pages include all sources used to gather information, even those that

may not have been cited.

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Holistic Rubric – Grades 3-12SCORE POINT 6 SCORE POINT 5 SCORE POINT 4


http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/01/

http://www.citelighter.com/

http://www.easybib.com/

Grade 8 – Expository WritingResponse is sophisticated and skillful in written communication, demonstrated by exceptional clarity, focus, and control in

development and organization that often shows insight.

in-depth and/or creative exploration of the topic using rich, relevant, and credible details.

a strong, perhaps creative, beginning, and a satisfying conclusion.

specifically and carefully chosen words that are skillfully crafted into phrases and sentences that enhance meaning.

intentional and committed interaction between the writer and the reader.

effective and/or creative use of a wide range of conventions with few errors.

o insightful with no historical errors.o makes original and specific connections

using resources.o uses background knowledge for all support

content.o thesis is prompt-driven and fits seamlessly

in opening paragraph.o relies on a variety of the documents and

includes outside resources, all of which are cited correctly

Response is excellent and skillful in written communication, demonstrated by clarity, focus, and control in topic

development and organization a balanced and thorough explanation

of the topic using relevant details. an inviting beginning and a satisfying

sense of closure. a broad range of carefully chosen

words crafted into phrases and varied sentences that sound natural.

awareness of the reader and commitment to the audience and topic.

effective use of a wide range of conventions with few errors.

o accurate, may contain only minor historical errors.

o makes obvious connections using relevant resources.

o uses background knowledge consistently.

o includes clear thesis statement in the opening paragraph.

o appropriately relies on a variety of the documents and may use outside sources, all of which are cited correctly

Response is appropriate and acceptable in written communication, demonstrated by ideas adequately developed with a

clear and coherent presentation of ideas with order and structure that can be formulaic.

relevant details that are sometimes general or limited; organization that is clear, but sometimes predictable.

a recognizable beginning and ending, although one or both may be somewhat weak.

effective word choice that is functional and, at times, shows interaction between writer and audience.

somewhat varied sentence structure with good control of simple constructions a natural sound.

control of standard conventions although a wide range is not used; errors that do not impede readability.

o accurate, may contain only minor historical errors.

o makes connections using some resources.

o uses background knowledgeo thesis statement is clear.o cites multiple documents correctly

SCORE POINT 3Response is inadequate in written communication, demonstrated by broad or simplistic ideas that are

understood but often ineffective. attempts at organizing that are

inconsistent or ineffective; beginnings and endings that are underdeveloped; repetitive transitional devices.

developmental details that are uneven, somewhat predictable, or leave information gaps; details not always placed effectively in the writing.

reliance on clichés and overused words that do not connect with the reader; limited audience awareness.

monotonous and sometime misused words; sentences may sound mechanical, although simple constructive are usually correct.

limited control of standard conventions with significant errors.

o Historically accurate but overly generalo loosely makes connections to some

resources.o uses background knowledge/facts with

some connections.o includes a thesis, though it is not very

clear.o cites multiple documents correctly

SCORE POINT 2Response is poor in written communication, demonstrated by overly simplistic and sometimes

unclear ideas that have insufficiently developed details.

sequencing of ideas that is often just a list; missing or ineffective details that require reader and inference to comprehend and follow.

missing beginning and/or ending. repetitive, monotonous, and often

misused words awkwardly strung into sentences that are difficult to read because they are either choppy or rambling; many sentences that begin with repetitive noun + verb pattern.

lack of audience awareness. little control of basic conventions

resulting in errors impeding readability.

o Contains multiple historical errorso loosely uses background

knowledge/facts with no connections.o includes a general topic statement, but

not a thesiso uses more than one document

correctly but relies on one document OR cites only one document

SCORE POINT 1Response is inferior in written communication, demonstrated by lack of purpose or ideas and

sequencing. organization that obscures the main

point. an attempt that is too short to offer

coherent development of an idea, if it is stated.

extremely limited vocabulary that shows no commitment to communicating a message.

sentences with confusing word order that may not permit oral reading.

severe and frequent errors in conventions.

o has significant historical misinterpretation.

o no apparent thesis or topic statement.

CITATIONS are a pre-requisite for scoring.
