goblin punch book of tigers

8/13/2019 Goblin Punch Book of Tigers

1/16

TheBook

ofTigers

by Arnold KempVersion 1.1

http://goblinpunch.blogspot.comNovember 2013

shared under a reative ommons Attribution!Nonommercial!"hareAli#e 3.0 $nported %icense
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2/16

&he 'oo# o( &igers is the result o( a thought e)periment* +hich +as in turnthought!provo#ed by an e)cellent article on the Monsters and Manualsblog.

"ince humans have transcended their ecology* instinctual (ears ,dar#ness* tigers- havebecome increasingly irrelevant. 'ig predators simply couldn t #eep up +ith our rapid' development o( communities* communication* and symbolic intelligence.

&igers are one o( the original predators o( humanity. 'ut despite #illing 33*000people bet+een 100 and 200* tigers don t evo#e the same (ear and helplessness that' they did a (e+ hundred thousand years ago.

learly* +e need a more modern tiger.

( a modern tiger e)ists* it must negate our innate strengths o( communication*memory* team+or#* eyesight* and tools. t must ta#e advantage o( our civiliationand o( our intelligence. t must be something that (inds a ne+ vulnerability.

ith only a (e+ thousand years to +or# +ith* the modern tiger hasn t had time to' evolve. 'ut perhaps imagination can do +hat natural selection cannot* and in thathope* humbly submit these ten beasties.

&igers and "hado+s o( &igers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

4lying 5ullets . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "arcosyrin) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2&he 6ungry "#y . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . umulonictus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3&he Names o( the orm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

4angolian 8eath orm . . . . . . . . 9&he mportance o( 'eing Vulgar . . . . . . . . 'olgen orm . . . . . . . . . . . . . .eeping and ;aging* 6issing and 6ushed . . .'east o( 4our "orro+s . . . . . . . . "o(t and 4orgotten . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Alabaster 6ound o( oo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13Antagonistic ?sychoplasm . . . . . . 17
http://monstersandmanuals.blogspot.com/2013/11/in-defence-of-mimic.htmlhttp://monstersandmanuals.blogspot.com/2013/11/in-defence-of-mimic.html


3/16

igers and Shadows of igerst is +ell #no+n that tigers can curse their #illers. A tiger s curse is in(licted +hen' the tiger s death +as in de(iance o( the natural order: +hen prey has #illed the' predator.

&he tigers o( the 4rog+ash give the urse o( "lo+ Numbers. &he tigers o( 'asharnacause their #illers to become in(ertile. And the tigers o( the


4/16

Flying Gullets&hey s+im above the cities* li#e a spool o(bloody mucus spiraling in the sin#. Viscouss#in and a brain li#e gelled (rog eggs* allo( it summaried and tailing o(( into

in(inity. Byes are shiny* =uic#* and sun#en*resembling an intrusion or a s#in disease.%ines o( tactile hairs cross its body* andhoo#!teeth t+itch +hen it smiles.

t s not really invisible. 'ut i( you ve seen' ' it* you can never see it again. @nce you re' capable o( recogniing it* you ll never get' the chance. t s a (alse invisibility* a paralysis o( recognition.


5/16

he Hungry SkyAlso #no+n as the cloud(ingers or atmospheric Celly(ish *" " " " you can probably already imagine +hat these things do.&hese are balloon creatures the sie o( barns that spend theirentire lives (loating several thousand (eet above the ground.

&hey slo+ly maneuver by venting no)ious gases. &heir mainbodies are almost al+ays hidden inside a cloud.

&he immature (orms o( these creatures can sometimes be seengro+ing on storm!tossed pea#s o( the Blterspine Dountains.&he adults blo+ do+n +ith the +inter s=ualls* and city!(ol#are +ise to stay inside on cloudy +inter days. &he tentacleso( this atmospheric monstrosity are so translucent as to beinvisible to a casual glance* especially in the rain. &hesetentacles sense living things and li(t them to their mouths*+here they are then eaten. $sually the creatures have (allenunconscious (rom cold and hypo)ia by then* ho+ever.

&he only +arning that most people o( a cumulonictus abovetheir city are the small gobbets o( (lesh and saliva that drop(rom its mouthit is a notoriously sloppy eater.

C!"ONIC S6812A 10[ ]At# to grab ,and li(ted 20 /round-+ 'At# bite ,2d damage* only usable at mouth-Dove(ly ,unless blo+n by +ind-"ave10Dorale "pecialinvisible tentacles1nvisi le &entacles: &he tentacles are e((ectively invisible inrain and very hard to see in cloudy +eather ,7!in! chance o(surprise-. &heir blood (luoresces +hen e)posed to air* soinCured tentacles are easy to spot. &entacles have 3 68 ,thisdoesn t damage the main body-.'

&hundercloud Kings are especially old and po+er(ul memberso( their species. &hey have 17 68 and can electri(y theirtentacles* dealing 1d damage every round. &hey travel inthunderstorms.

3


6/16

he Na#es of the $or#@( the Names o( the orm there are nine. &hese names are (illed +ith strangevo+els* glottal stops* and inhuman elisions. No one can hear one o( Names o( theorm +ithout immediately recogniing it as alien and dangerous.

@nce you ve heard a Name o( the orm* you +ill never (orget it.


7/16

FANGO"IAN %AR $OR!687A9 17[ ]At# 9 bite ,2d damage poison-+ +Dove"ave17Dorale 10"pecialbabble* poison'a le: &he +orm constantlymutters a stream o( nonsense* li#e amantra. n combat* it +ill hiss thename o( the person +ho spa+ned it.hen #illed it +ill say its o+nname* potentially in(ecting everyone" " nearby.

?oison: ith a (ailed save* poison (rom the +orms bite causes paralysis (or 1drounds. Additionally* (or the ne)t 2d days* anything the person attempts to say isreduced to gibberish. &hey also run a slight (ever during this time.

Blder 3orms have gro+n to tremendous sies over the course o( a century. &reatthem as 12 68 purple +orms* but +ith appropriate special abilities. &hey developnear!human levels o( intelligence* and sometimes rule over colonies o( madmen. &heyprotect these colonies* and d+ell nearby or beneath in secret caves +ith theirgrandchildren +orms and adoring +orshippers." "

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8/16

he I#&ortan'e of (eing )ulgar&hey aren t =uite shape!changersE' they re are more li#e sie!changers. n' other respects* 'olgen orms are areli#e normal tape+orms* and can live (or

decades inside their mostly!healthyhost. &hey reproduce li#e any other.

;ather than gro+ing constantly* thesetape+orms store their gro+th. A(ter" " storing enough* they go hunting.

&hey release a sleep!inducing narcoticand slither out* +here they assume their (ull sie. magine a princess* deeply asleep inher bed. hat appears to be a pale string trails (rom her body around the corner.'y (ollo+ing it* you come (ace to (ace +ith a (our hundred pound tape+orm* its headthe sie o( a horses . t eats you. "atiated* it cra+ls bac# inside the princess* +ho' a+a#es none the +iser ,although she may +onder +ho ate all her plums* and +hyshe has to shit so much-.

&hese predators are deadly in cities ,especially elven ones-* +here there are moretaboos regarding de(ecation and parasites. "ince these things are disgusting* they are(re=uently ignored and rarely revealed to others. Dany sophisticated people +ould" " simply replace their missing cats than go through the messy* disgusting* pain(ul* andpotentially lethal process o( e)tracting the +orm. hy ris# dying in your o+n shitF

8+arves rarely su((er (rom 'olgen orms* since their binge drin#ing usually #ills the+orm. &he levels o( alcohol re=uired are usually (atal to other creatures.

@ccasionally* an angry 'olgen orm +ill emerge (rom a dead creature. "ome trulyhuge specimens have been recorded slithering out (rom slain dragons.

&hese stats are (or a small!to!medium +orm. n combat* it usually opens by spittingacid and slo+ly retreating* s+itching to bites +hen engaged in melee.

(O"G%N $OR!687A 11[ ]At# 7 bite ,1d damage 90 to deposit egg-+ + %At# 7 acid spit ,1d damage each round until +iped/rinsed o((* 30 range-+ 'Dove"ave1Dorale "pecialstrong alcohol damages it ,li#e holy +ater damages undead-6


9/16

$ee&ing and Raging* H issing and Hushed


10/16

Soft and Forgotten&hese creatures resemble +hat you +ould get i( you stretched out a dog into theproportions o( a horse* changed its (lesh to a (labby +hite substance* and gave it aring o( tentacles around the mouth. &he touch o( these tentacles (eels li#e a caress(rom +oman s hand* so(t and highly po+dered. t s eyes are candy blue*' '

phosphorescent* and eerily soothing +hen calm. ts body (eels po+dery ,it isn t- and' in(initely so(t. &his is the Alabaster 6ound o(


11/16

A"A(AS %R HON+ OF YOG68A 10[ ]At# 'ite ,1d damage naivety on a (ailed save-+At# Kic# ,1d damage-+At# 7 &entacles ,0 damage paralysis 2d rounds on a (ailed save-+ +Dove19"ave13Dorale "pecialnaivety* amnesia* el(+yrdNaivety: A creature bitten by an Alabaster 6ound gets a more permanent (orm o(amnesia. &hey (orget their name* history* and bac#ground. Dore importantly* they(orget their class abilities. iards (orget ho+ to cast spells* clerics (orget ho+ toturn undead. &o put it another +ay* the numbers on their character sheets don t' change* but the abilities that distinguish them (rom peasants are lost. &he ne)t timethey enter a stress(ul situation that +ould normally re=uire them to use their specialabilities* they get a second save to remember. @ther+ise* remove curse is the only+ay to restore this memory loss.

Amnesia: ( you gae upon an Alabaster 6ound (or a round or less* you instantly(orget it as soon as you stop loo#ing at it. ( you gae upon an Alabaster 6ound (ormultiple rounds and then lose sight o( it (or more than a round* you (orget the last1d20 7 hours. &his is permanent.+

Bl(+yrd: Blves and creatures +ith is 13 are immune to the Amnesia ability o(+ the Alabaster 6ound o(


12/16

he (east with ,-*--- Na#esords describing it (ail. 'oo#s relating it shrivel. &ales recounting it end.

Bach turn* this creature attac#s +ith 2 snapping bludgeons and its vibrating gulletemits another crumple +ave. ?arties that survive +ill (orever struggle to describe it*

even to themselves.

IN+%SCRI(A("% "%)IA HAN"piraling 'ul# 19 684eathered %eather A 3 1[ ]"napping 'ludgeons 12/ 12 ,3d damage* can t both attac# the same target-+ + '?er is ta lt ic 5ait move 12* (ly ;hythmic 6ead save 31ne((a le Bssence 118read(ul &alents crumple +ave* luminous bloodrumple 3ave: 1 target 10 !30 distant ta#es 9d damage and is #noc#ed 10 !0' ' ' 'bac#+ards* landing prone. A success(ul save halves the damage and the distance* andavoids landing prone.

%uminous 'lood: &he ichor o( an indescribable leviathan has t+o e((ects. t bothreverses gravity and radiates light ,a splash as a candle* a pool as a torch-. reaturesin melee have a 29 chance on each hit to splash a signi(icant amount o( blood on% themselves ,unless using bludgeons-. ( this happens* the creature +ill levitate o(( theground* given them !7 to hit and usually rendering them immobile.

&his creature has accumulated an tremendous number o( names over its manyencounters* most o( +hich are completely inaccurate. "ome o( these names are:ethereal moose* shaggy gurbirder* planar roc* vector +raith* (eral dog!gobbler*in(inity +orm* double brain scorpion* #noc#y!+ood guardian* dread solipsist* spiraldragon* thorsbane* dire d+ar(* mercurial planet!p(lenger* and noc#en+rath.

10


13/16

Cro'odile Inside Your (odyBndogenous retroviruses: a digression.

&his is ho+ they +or#: %i#e any virus* they Cump inside one o( your body cells.&hen* incredibly* they +rite do+n all o( their instructions on some 8NA and inCect it

intoyour 8NA. "o no+ you ve got this virus living in the 8NA o( your cell. hen' the virus ,in 8NA (orm- HsensesI that conditions are ripe ,(ood* division* the copshave le(t-* it pops out o( your 8NA and commences the ta#eover.

"ometimes* a(ter turning into 8NA and hiding in your genome* this provirus getssmac#ed +ith a mutation* and it brea#s. t gets stuc# in your genome because theinstructions (or getting out o( your genome are bro#en. "o it Cust sits there* li#e ana)e murderer +ho hid in your closet and then died. And sometimes this 8NA getspassed do+n to your #ids. And their #ids.


14/16

AN %+I")IAN CROC"OGON687A7 19[ ]At# 7 'ite ,1d damage* grabs on an * automatically che+s on subse=uent rounds-Dove* s+im "ave13Dorale "pecial(ractured genome* dying

4ractured 5enome: &he roclogon has a 90 chance o( being able to% cast the lastspell that the parent creature cast ,i( applicable-. &he roclogon has a 90 chance o(% being able to breathe sludge ,1d7 damage in a 30 cone* a (ailed save also means that' creatures move at hal( speed and get !2 to attac# until they rinse o((-. &he croclogonhas a 90 chance to% inherit a racial ability" " (rom its parent. &he croclogon has a90 chance to be% intelligent and #no+ secrets in the ancient language o( the sna#epeople. &he croclogon has a 90 chance to be% reasonable instead o( immediatelyhostile and insane.

8ying: hen a croclogon is created +ith the e)orcism o( the (leshspell* roll a d10to see ho+ many minutes the croclogon can survive be(ore collapsing into a pile o(bro#en crocodile parts and con(used ghosties. @n a 1* the croclogon dies upon

arriving. @n a 10* the croclogon is stable* and +ill survive inde(initely.


15/16

"i.uid /oo&he creation o( li(e is a violent art* and has more in common +ith pipe bombs and+elding than it does +ith planting a seed. hen in the process o( creating a ne+creature* s#in!+eaver +iards must duel +ith (lesh in hot laboratories* shovingun+illing li(e!stu(( into into the imper(ect meat they labored to build. nstrumental

in this process is an almost!creature called a psychoplasm. 6o+ever* this processsometimes goes a+ry* and the Cellied mindlet cascades past the sa(eguards and escapes.

?sychoplasms are li=uid oos* s+imming +ith all the Cuices o( all the animals it hasever encountered and imagined. &here s penguin blood in there* churning around +ith' cerebrospinal (luid o( pigs and the amniotic Cuices o( dragon eggs. t echoes these(orms +ithout thin#ing. t is more o( a chemical reaction than it is a creature. t hasno mind.

t trac#s living creatures the +ay (lo+ers trac# the sun* turning and gro+ing undere)posure. &he psychoplasm is di((erent as the s#y is (rom the sea* although all threeare beauti(ul shades o( blue.

t s (ast. t bubbles and leaps* s#ittering across the ground li#e a drop o( +ater on a' hot s#illet. t reacts to minds. t needs to coat your brain and minimie the sur(acetension. t pours itsel( side+ays under the hydraulics o( e)ternal consiousnesses.

t has no (i)ed sie or shape. t barely has a (i)ed location. t s an electric blue (luid' that constantly produces armors* tools* (aces* +eapons . . . each and all bobbing tothe sur(ace as it is needed and then sin#ing a+ay again. t borro+s the best stats" " (rom the creatures nearby. &his should be obvious* such as the paladin s armor'

suddenly appearing upon the thing* the (ighter s s+ord arm s+ings out (rom it* a' miniature dragon spitting a gout o( (lame* all splashing out o( and into blue Celly.

And the +hole time* you can see animals s+imming it* recreated (rom memorybothits o+n and the memories o( others. 5ira((es* harpies* dragons. . . your dead mothermay even appear in the pyschoplasm* noiselessly mouthing +ords o( encouragement.


16/16

AN AGONIS IC 0SYCHO0"AS!681 68 o( the highest 68 thing in 100+ 'A1 point better than the best A in 100 ,or 11 i( alone-' [ ]At# 1 point better than the best A in 100 ,or 1 i( alone-' + attac#s 3 random nearby creatures* each hit does 1 damage/68Dove(aster than the (astest creature in 100 ,or 30 i( alone-' '"ave1 point better than the best save in 100 ,or 1 i( alone-'Dorale12"pecialreact* anticipate* chaos;eact: henever theAntagonistic ?sychoplasmta#es damage* it reacts.t is immune to the lastt+o types o( damage itreceived ,(ire* ice* slashing*piercing* etc-. ( it ta#esthe same type o( damaget+ice in a ro+* the secondhit actually heals thepsychoplasm (or 1/2 theamount o( damage that it+ould have normallydone. &his is obvious toonloo#ers as a rapid (lu) o( sur(aces. Juivering dragons#in is immune to (ire*shu((ling beetle shells are immune to slashing* that sort o( thing.

Anticipate: Bvery turn* the psychoplasm +ill do something really strange in additionto its normal attac#s. ;oll at random.1 ! 8ouble in sie ,) in volume-.2 ! ;eturn to original sie3 ! 'reathe (ire ,30 cone* 1d damage per 68* save (or hal(-'7 G %ightning bolt ,0 line* 1d damage per 68* save (or hal(-'7 ! &urn into a cube (or 1 turn. &a#es no actions but re(lects magic.9 G %ose cohesion (or 1 turn* becoming +atery. mmune to mundane +eapons. ! hange color. ! "plit into t+o* each +ith hal( 6?. ( already split* reCoin instead. ! "pea# the memories o( a random person nearby. 29 chance o( deepest secret.%

! 4lee. ;ush out* li#e a ghastly rapid river.10 ! 6ealing loud. All creatures +ithin 10 heal 6? e=ual to the psychoplasm s' '

68 1 and turn the same color as the psychoplasm ,permanent-.+

haos: Bach attac# is a randomly type. &his is mostly (or (lavor* but you can rolli( it really matters. ;oll a d: 1 (ire* 2 lightning* 3 ice* 7 sonic* 9 psychic* slashing* bludgeoning* piercing. t literally attac#s +ith everything imaginable.

14

goblin punch book of tigers

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