O T I S P R E S S

From

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j e f f r e y l e w i s

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O T I S P R E S S

COPYRIGHT © 2014

In honor of Joseph Anthony Lautiero II for his incredible courage

This book is dedicated to the memories of Constance Bush

Craig Evans “Van” EneyGrant Mayo EneyChristopher Evans Stephanie Savage

Helen Ann Stiebeland

William “Mr. Bill” Stratos

Lives taken too earlyMemories embedded in each of us

Their angels live among us

Love poems are by their very nature different both because they are so personal and generally not shared. As someone who walks that road defined as different, From the Heart: Plainly Spoken is a collection of different words designed to be shared, savored and devoured over and over again. The collection represents conversations I have had with people from across America about that one person in their life who stole their heart, someone who made or still makes their heart sing and their eyes dance.

It is less about love and more about respect, passion, friendship and commitment. Each of us defines these words differently; each of us embraces the act that embodies the word or its spirit in what is most comfortable for that person; and each of us shares the act or action surrounding these words in ways that are comfortable for them.

From the Heart: Plainly Spoken embraces the diversity of love and life – its different shapes, sizes and warmth.

In the end, the people I talked with shared words that meant something to them. Words that described that one person who tugged at their heart strings and who, in their own way, left an indelible mark on their spirit. Others talked about someone who they loved, but were not in love with. The complexity of love is defined by each of us in our own way. Most important, each of them was brave enough to share – some a little and others a lot. And for the first time in this book you will find a few poems written specifically for someone. I am simply the vehicle that captures their story, breathes life into their thoughts and puts it on paper.

Like a great wine or an incredible cigar, From the Heart: Plainly Spoken is not a quick read. Take your time; try and savor the words; try and see the person or people in the story and when you finish think about your life and the one person who lives in your heart, forever.

Jeffrey Robert Lewis (jeffreyrobertlewis@gmail.com)

j e f f r e y l e w i s

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What is Love?

A combination of an aching in my heart

A loneliness that only subsides when I hold you in my arms

When we walk, holding hands, and silence surrounds the caress of your hands that binds us together for a lifetime

I live to just be with you

Where the feelings of you overrun my thoughts every day just as you invaded my heart

Consumed, almost like a first teenage love,

But where your bones become brittle

So painful because true love simply hurts, aches

And you hope that the puzzle pieces of life come together into a picture of the two of us

To Christine with Love: From Chadi

Your eyes looked through me when we first met

A quiet, disarming smile and a disinterest that challenged my imagination

Beauty that simply abounds – natural, real

Where make up was replaced by pure, natural exquisiteness

You awakened me to a world I had never seen

Where books told a story but you showed me a life full of windows of possibilities

A chance to taste, to smell, to understand, to appreciate and love

For me, verbalizing my love for you is difficult

These words don’t come easy

We are always surrounded by three incredible sons who invade our bed at the most awkward times and turn it into their own playroom

r

And I am consumed by work

And the pursuit of the American dream

Your smile lives in my eyes

The warmth of your touch embedded in my soul

You live in my heart in ways that you will never know

And complete my every day, my every dream

There are days I lose sight of love, and you are there to teach me again and again

The gate to my heart only has one key – and you own it.

You Will Never Know How Much I

Love you: To Shirley from Paul

Years before we were perfect strangers

Me, a Vietnam Veteran struggling with life’s complications, an absent father and a man on a path to nowhere

You, a woman of strength and courage slaying dragons every day with God as your guide

Our encounter, however brief left a hole in my heart – a crack that simply grew wider over time

Ten years later when we rediscovered love, the outposts of loneliness began to disappear

With your hand as my guide and religion reawakened in my heart, I knew then how much I truly loved you

I wake up every morning touched by the texture of your hand

Your perfume that invades every one of my senses

A smile that fills my heart and the tenderness that wraps its arms around me so tight it never lets go

And I pray every night it becomes my permanent blanket of love r

But I am a working man who seeks the best in life because growing up poverty surrounded us, it defined us

You did not know that kind of desperation

The struggle of daily survival

What it meant to be hungry

I am anything but perfect

But I simply love you in ways that words cannot describe

I walk a path today defined by a high power for a greater reason

As the nights grow long I am guided by the spiritual voices within

Not the guns on the street

You changed who I am

But as time creeps across the floor

You will always be in my dreams

You are forever in my heart r

I understand now my love did not fill your heart like yours filled mine

You will never know how much I loved you, but I still do!

Heart Stopper

He had a dream the night before a blind date

Of a woman unimaginably beautiful

Dreamy, dark blue eyes the color of an evening sky just before the sun sets

A smile, with lips so perfect and her lower lip sticking out ever so slightly

Red hair, whose color glistened in the sun, flowed and fell perfectly off her shoulders

Legs that were long, endless

Everything else was as perfect as his imagination allowed

When she talked he was tied to every word – he became breathless waiting in anticipation of what she would say next

As she spoke, her tongue washed slowly across her lips – back and forth

Then he awoke, ready, knowing the woman he was about to meet – my mystery date, would be equally incredible

Anticipation engulfed me – he was completely consumed believing I was going to meet the woman who invaded my dreams and now my every thought

r

I showed up two hours early at the restaurant with two dozen long stem roses – a beautiful blend of white and yellow.

Thorns gone to ensure no bloody pricks

Wrapped perfectly with a red and yellow bow intertwined like a pair of shoe laces

I was over the top in anticipation

But I wanted to shower her with rose pedals for the rest of her life

I had no idea what she looked like

She would be wearing a short, black skirt with a yellow turtleneck, so I believed my flower choice would complement what she was wearing

Before I knew it, two hours disappeared and walking through the door was my heart stopper.

A cold sweat immediately fell over me and tore at my bones.

I literally stopped breathing – I was frozen in time.

Unable to speak and hardly able to breathe r

Twenty five years later, my heart still stops when she walks into a room

I have a permanent smile because I married up

She did not have those endless legs

She had something better – an intoxicating, incredible brain.

Searing eyes that burn through me like colored laser beams – she still melts my heart

And a kiss that leaves you wanting more

I awake every morning and look at her – she steals my breath

I was infatuated with a dream

But fell in love with someone who simply makes my bones ache in anticipation

She may not stop every man’s heart, but she has always stopped mine

Forever Breathless

Age is something that most men don’t understand

They think of women as having to be younger, vibrant, and sexy and for far too many, voluptuous

Everything they think they want

Someone to fill that unquenchable desire believing the sex will leave their bodies skinless and leave them completely panting for more

That’s what they left behind but never realized it because they were the same age or a little older

I found love with a woman who was twenty years my senior

Her skin had been weathered by the sun

The wrinkle lines surrounded her neck, invaded her cleavage

They were a roadmap all over her body leading to endless opportunities of desire, passion

A slow kissing path

She was distinguished – she was truly beautiful

When we met I learned that she was contemplating treatments to change her looks – as she described it a nip and a tuck

Surgery would not peel away history; it would not make her more beautiful except to her

r

Her sun-stained skin was a road map of life

It told a story of someone who lived life

There were no bags under her eyes

She did not wear make up

Her smile was disarming and when she looked at me I was embraced by kindness, a softness that was inviting

The harshness of her voice was from years of smoking

I was smitten like a teenager – I was completely engulfed

I wanted to be ravished by her lips

To simply hold her hand and feel a sense of who she was

And when she touched my hand, her skin was soft, inviting, caring

There was nothing manufactured on her body, just the simple excellence of what God gave her

Ten years later, her spirit lives inside me

While cancer took her, the memory is alive – it’s forever stamped on my heart.

Every time I think of her, I am breathless and I always will be.

With Love, Reza

I fell in love with the most amazing woman

Completely, gooey, dreamy-eyed and every American cliché you can think of

I first set my eyes on Donna the Spring of 2006

As she walked into the school cafeteria I was completely mesmerized

No words were spoken

I was simply and completely awestruck by how naturally beautiful she was

Her smile lit up the room

Her eyes glistened

Weeks passed and the one constant in my life was thinking of her

There was the beginning of an ache but of course I denied it fearing I had no control and, of course, she did not know I really existed

A faint meeting of the eyes was anything but a love connection yet I knew the gnawing inside me was this incredible desire to simply stare into her eyes for whatever period of time I could

r

Completely insane but I had never experienced anything like this and never will again

Imagine, here was this truly exquisite woman and while I am a great professional catch, I also knew the lines of men who would want to meet her would be long

And, admittedly, I would be at the back of the line

But my life is built on two pillars: resilience and determination

Yet, the best laid plans ….

We finally met on a blind date and since that day I have been simply and totally in love

Now, I awake every morning and my heart sings a love song

I know how lucky I am; I know that Donna makes my world better every hour; and I also know that no one will ever make my heart ache when we are not together like she does

Despair has been replaced by simple yet complete love and joy

Donna, I hope these words nourish your soul the way you feed mine

Strength Regained, Rebuilt

I am never lonely when sleeping by myself

Your scent embraces my pillow cases, my sheets and my towels

It surrounds the room

You make me stronger every day

Never afraid of what I don’t know – of what I used to fear

I gave up my heart without being anxious – without hesitation

Today, I stand taller in the shadows of life no longer afraid to peek around the corner

Stronger, resilient and strengthened because I am proud of myself for who I am

And who I can be

I love you because you changed my forever

Regardless

You came into my life when I was incredibly vulnerable

You cared enough to ask

And your arms wrapped around me with an embrace that consumed my very being

Every day I don’t see you, I grow more lonesome for your smile

The smell of your hair

The scent of your perfume

Simply for you

You have taught me not to be afraid

To open my heart in ways I had forgotten

To share without fear and to let my doubts float away

I love you from afar

Hoping you will see what words cannot describe r

A new door to a new love where our hearts will be intertwined

Years ago, someone else found you

Married you

And temporarily stole your heart

But no one can ever love you enough as I do

No one will want to wrap you in a blanket of unending happiness or

Share the whimsical stories and hopes of growing old together

For me, intimacy – real intimacy - is defined as the simplicity of holding hands

Of just being

Where words are not spoken but love radiates

And where you overrun my thoughts just as you invaded my heart r

I long for you every day in unimaginable ways

Every imperfect perfection

I am lonesome for your smile

You invade my dreams

I am consumed by you

Without fear

Question or

Hesitation

You have enriched every dimension of my world and will forever be part of the fabric of who I am

Stitched into my soul and my heart

The loneliness has become emptiness

And I still dream of every tomorrow with you, regardless

Lessons

As I walked the short road to anger, it quickly became a long, winding road to love

And finding you

I never thought the hole in my heart would heal – I was simply afraid

Never did I think I could give of myself again

My heart had been stomped on

Ripped apart

He was callous, dishonest, and abusive

His punches closed both of my eyes

I became his personal punching bag

It left me unconscious, listless, lifeless

I was determined to rebuild my life

To garner my strength from within

No one person could help me r

And then I met you

You did something no one else ever did

You listened

To endless stories through crocodile tears

Holding my hand, looking at me and devouring my every word

Your arms wrapped around me

You cried for me and with me

Never questioning what I said or how

You helped mend my broken spirit

You helped heal my heart

And make me whole again

My 10,000 yesterdays became 30,000 tomorrows

Today, every day is a gift

You are my tomorrow and after

Always

The Demons Will Never Win:

A Tribute to Kathy, Melissa, and the Millions of Survivors

Cancer stripped her of an amazing corn-field colored crop of hair

Her eye brows slipped away into the evening sunset

But her beauty became more evident, intense, and vibrant

She exemplified why hair is so overrated with an infectious smile, disarming eyes that charm you into simply saying yes to whatever she asks

She never allowed the illness to define her – she refused to become the image of the illness

The disease temporarily invaded her body

But there was no welcome mat for the demons

They were confronted with a sign that read “come visit – don’t stay”

Her tragedy and that of millions of others strengthen our resolve

r

Courage that is an ever-lasting triumph of determination, hope, and perhaps prayer

But as her eyes look at you, grab hold of what you see – life cherished

And a new sign at the door reads, “Demons not welcome, ever.”

After Dark

The blue in your eyes round like the moon deep in color like the ocean

Grabbed at my heart

I got lost looking inside her eyes

They cried an old love song

That told me the secret

Perfume with a hint of lilac

The polish on her nails brilliant red enamel tipped in white

Her hair pure blond

It moved naturally across her shoulders with every step

Her walk, a slow sultry dance

People stopped

Men’s heads twisted

Women in awer

Men forced to only dream of what might be

She was every man’s dream and every woman’s fear

Every evening she transformed herself from a lawyer in a three piece suit to the person he wanted to be

You are my friend

We discuss and debate as two friends can

I shared stories of my wife, my adult children

You share what happens after dark

We respect our different lives – mine increasingly quiet

Yours a new text book for analysts

In the end, I will always love you for who you are inside

Hugging you without fear

Loving you like a brother without hesitation

With respect without reservation

Tomorrow, the suit is back on until after dark

Constantly Constance

She instilled in everyone whose life she touched a sense of pride

A belief that love was truly possible

Why the world’s problems could be fixed

And that no one person should ever be afraid to lose – because loss purely makes you stronger

Her smiled filled every room she walked into

She was a gatherer of lost souls

Of lonesome hearts, troubled minds and damaged spirits

She was a surgeon of the forlorn

A natural healer

Her laughter, robust, sincere and heartfelt

Her hugs were warm, inviting – the kind you wanted every day

She gathered lost hearts and lonely souls to join together for holiday feasts

To nourish their souls and mend life’s broken fences and promises

r

She cared about everyone

Laughed at herself

Reminding each of us how singularly important we each were

As we awake every day we are reminded of her words to walk proud, tall

She is the angel on our shoulder

Who circles above us, around us

Who fills hearts with endless love

Without hesitation – without qualification

She redefined love, friendship and hope

She was a constant angel of good, of love, of possibilities

Eternally in our hearts – forever in mine

Lauren, With Endless Love, Justin

I am a man who grew up believing that fairytales were true if you really believed

That someday, Wylie Coyote would eventually capture the Road Runner

That everyone will find that pot of gold at the end of their rainbow

But to be safe, every time I passed a fountain I tossed in a coin for good luck

As I grew older and the subtleness of loneliness would occasionally visit

I reflected back on my life

What was truly important

Asking where was my rainbow

Like most men, I am admittedly self centered and occasionally blind to what is around me let alone what is standing right in front of me

Stubborn as the day is long

And yes, wedded to my iPhone, a slave to emails and textingr

All of which gets in the way when I am supposed to be with you

But a day does not pass when the thought of you simply invades my inner most thoughts

I close my eyes and see your deep brown eyes staring at me

Of course my heart immediately sinks because I assume I did something wrong

From the first time I kissed you

Held you close to my heart and smelled your hair

I knew that someday, some way, I would sing you a love song that said the words I have incredible difficulty saying enough

You make my heart stop when you walk in the room

Ours is a love that is both complicated and simple

The thought of you runs circles around my heart

I long to be with you, near you or simply next to you

You start my day and finish my thoughts at the end

No one has ever cared for me as completely as you

And I know no one ever will r

Your strength in character is truly herculean

You are strong willed but it’s sprinkled with a delicate balance of a very disarming smile and a hint of unfiltered love

And tied with a bow of incredible kindness

I know there are days you want to simply climb up a ladder

Grab hold of my shoulders and shake some sense into me

Instead you simply take a step back, you observe

You dissect, design your strategy and architect the roadmap to help me be a better person

A more caring man and a more intensely focused partner

You are my reality every day

My today, tomorrow and forever

Your love simply has me spellbound

My life is fueled by you

I spent my life waiting for someone like you

Now you make my every yesterday a gift and tomorrow a dream come true

You will never know how much I love you

To Chester with Endless Love, Corinne

We met when I was 12 and he was 14

Me a girl with big eyes, ideas and ready to change the world

He was different than all the city boys in my school – complete with Levi’s , cowboy shirt and boots

Confident, not cocky and well mannered

Big blue eyes that romanced me every time he looked at me

He has a quick mischievous smile and that “Florida drawl” way of talking

When he looked at me my heart felt like it was imprisoned in my chest waiting to break loose

If you ever saw Paul Newman in the 1960s era movie The Secret War of Harry Frigg, you would have a good sense what he was like at the time. Sometimes just too cute for words!

Our lives were interrupted by President Nixon and the draft

He would go off to Vietnam leaving me at age 17 desperate for just one more kiss, one more hug, one more anything

I wrote him a letter before he left with words that were plainly spoken, simple, but truly from the heart

r

I said that I hoped we would be together always, but no matter where our paths led us, my wish was that we would remain friends forever.

Every young girl dreams of their special someone – their own Clark Gable, Paul Newman or Nathan Lane. But, Chester was all I ever wanted – he made my toes curl and my heart waltz

Now, together for almost 48 years, I still melt when he looks at me in that certain way

Of course, he doesn’t know it – and of course, I don’t tell him

But he is still the love of my life and my best friend.

I know I said lots of other things a young girl of 17 would say to her boyfriend, and although I can’t remember the words, the feelings are still with me.

He has allowed me to be strong and independent in areas and ways that are important

These days I look forward to the next 48 years. Endless hugs, John Wayne movies and lots of popcorn

I never forget how I was romanced by those big Blue eyes and he never forgets who is in charge

Chester, my heart starts its own square dance as soon as you walk in the room

With endless love

To Kay

Cemented in my heart, embedded in my soul, forever in my dreamsYou still take my breath away

Love

J

To receive a copy of this book, please send a $15 check made payable to “Breast Cancer Fund” to the following address:

c/o Otis Press5851 Upton Street

McLean, Virginia 22101

100% of all contributions will be sent to the San Francisco, California chapter of the American Breast Cancer Foundation

O T I S P R E S S

From

Hear t :

P la in ly

Spoken

j e f f r e y l e w i s

t he