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foodsense

How to Quickly And Easily Eliminate Food Battles With Your Child…

And Get Them To Actually Enjoy Eating!

Dana Obleman B.A (Psych.) B.Ed. (Elem)

With Tracy Lamberton B.Sc. (Biology) B.Sc. (Dietetics), R.D.

© 2007

Copyright © 2007 by Dana Obleman

LEGAL DISCLAIMER

This book contains advice and information only. Please note that this information is NOT intended to replace medical advice from your physician, pediatrician, dietitian, or other trained health care professional. It is recom-mended that you consult a physician before making changes to your child’s diet. It is further recommended that you seek the advice of a physician regarding any matters that may require medical attention or diagnosis.

Table of Contents

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

Chapter 1: Food Battles: Everybody Loses. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Chapter 2: How Much Food Do They Really Need? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

Chapter 3: Keeping It Simple — Structure And Routine For Meal Times . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27

Chapter 4: Listening to Their Tummies: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

Chapter 5: Snacks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43

Chapter 6: Breakfast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52

Chapter 7: Lunch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61

Chapter 8: Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70

Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82

foodsense

How to Quickly And Easily Eliminate Food Battles With Your Child…

And Get Them To Actually Enjoy Eating!

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T H E F O O D S E N S E P R O G R A M

How to use this book

If you’re reading this book, you are already very familiar with the frustration and fear

that comes with being the parent of a picky eater… and you’re looking for answers. But

you won’t find a magic word or phrase in here that you can say to your child to have him

miraculously eat all his spaghetti. Unfortunately, the first step is to examine how your own

bad habits may be contributing to the problem.

All of the very common, yet ultimately unsuccessful, tactics that parents use to get their

toddlers to eat are outlined in “Chapter One--Food Battles: Everyone Loses.” You will

then learn about how much your child actually needs to eat to stay healthy, which will be

reassuring for most of you, and you will be given tools and tips for routine and structure. I

suggest that you just read the material first, and let all the information sink in.

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IntroductionAs parents, we all have our challenges. I am not sure if anyone makes it through parenthood without struggles in one area or another. If it’s not sleepless nights, then it’s the frustrations of potty training. If not potty training, then eating habits are a source of conflict. The list goes on and on.

For us, eating was the issue. Our first son Charlie was an extremely picky eater, and it was a constant cause of concern, frustration, anger, and tears for both me and my husband. He started out life as an average-sized baby but was slow to gain weight. He was never a chubby, roly-poly baby like some, and people often commented about how small he was. In fact, when he went in for his well baby check-ups, he was always in the 20th percentile for weight and when he turned two, this fell to below 5 percent.

So right from the start, we were preoccupied with his size and how eating played a part in it. We constantly worried that he was never getting enough nutrition, and we became consumed by his eating habits. The more consumed we became, the more negative he became. As I look back now, I think it all seems very clear to me why he developed such a negative relationship with food, but at the time we were worried and just wanted him to be healthy.

We began pressuring him to eat from an early age. By the time he was one year old, he had already begun to get into a battle of wills with us over food. He became obsessed with liquids and would hardly touch anything solid. He begged for milk all day long and because we were worried that he was so small, we gave in, not realizing that the more he filled his tummy with milk, the less likely he would be to eat.

He drove me nuts all day because he whined for milk and begged for snacks. He would have happily existed on nothing else but I wanted him to be healthy, so I started to bribe him to eat by withholding his beloved milk. He was quick to figure out what I was up to at every turn but still could not be convinced to eat meals. He would just relentlessly beg until—feeling like he might waste away to nothing—I gave in.

He also seemed to enjoy eating baked beans and rice, so for almost a full year he ate little else. We gave him beans whenever he asked for them because we were just so happy that

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he was eating something and beans didn’t seem so bad. It wasn’t until I took him the doctor to complain about his constant diarrhea that the beans became a problem. The doctor sat me down and told me that the beans had to stop and so did the milk.

So for about a year, we were at a loss and didn’t know what to do. As a couple we were constantly arguing about how best to handle Charlie’s eating problems, and we tried all sorts of tactics, from bribes to begging. I can even remember one sad day where I literally tried to force some scrambled eggs into his mouth, which ended with us both in tears and no egg eaten.

He was also the kind of child who could not be convinced to eat if he had decided not to. No matter what the bribe or how many promises we made to him, if he didn’t want to eat, then he wasn’t going to. End of story.

When he was three, we finally hit rock bottom. We were tired of the struggle and tired of arguing over it. We decided to just give up, which was the best decision we ever made. We agreed to allow him one treat a day—whenever he wanted it—and made it completely unrelated to eating anything else in return. We also decided to provide a few choices at meal time and to plan for timed snacks instead of giving them to him all throughout the day. We also offered him a half cup of milk with meals and water during the rest of the day.

Then, as a family, we started talking about eating healthy foods and made a chart for all of us to eat five servings of fruits and vegetables a day. We tried to take the focus off of sweets and bring it back to eating well and having a healthy body. We made it a family affair instead of focusing only on Charlie.

Over the next year, improvement came slowly. After all, Charlie was a child who—for three years—had been in a power struggle over food and old habits die hard. He did really well with his one treat a day rule and seemed to appreciate the control he had over making the decision as to when and what he could have. In fact, some days went by and he hadn’t even asked for his treat, which was a huge improvement.

He is now just about to turn five, and I have to say with all honesty that he is still a picky eater. He does not eat large quantities and guess what? He’s still small for his age. What

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has changed is our attitude about his eating. Instead of worrying that he might waste away if he doesn’t eat, we started to trust him to eat when he was hungry and not eat when he was full.

Now we make sure to provide a few choices at each meal and if he doesn’t like what he sees, he is free to excuse himself from the table, with the knowledge that there will be nothing else until the next snack or meal time. He often gets down from the supper table without eating much at all, but we don’t stress about it or get angry anymore. He knows that there won’t be any more food until breakfast, and he makes his own choices about how much he wants to eat.

Fortunately, we have learned from the struggles we’ve had with Charlie. We are now really clear about what we should NOT be doing and have handled our other two children much differently in regard to food. We provide them with choices at scheduled times, and the rest is up to them. Sometimes they eat a lot, and other times they eat very little. That is really none of our business. What is our business is to make sure that we provide healthy choices and give enough structure that we support our children in their exploration of food.

We have removed the battle, and that makes our home a more positive place to be. We also want our children to grow up having a healthy relationship with food and to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. That way, they will be able to become healthy, active adults who enjoy food, but don’t eat for all the wrong reasons.

I hope that this book provides you with a new vision for family eating and that you can put together a plan that makes eating a positive experience instead of a negative one. I always say that the best thing to do as parents is to learn from our mistakes, and set out each day to try to be and do better. No one’s perfect, we all have our struggles, and I hope that after reading this book, food will no longer be one of yours.

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Food Battles: Everybody LosesWe’ve all done it…begged our toddler to try just one bite of a ham sandwich. Told

her that if she just tries her soup she can have another cookie. Let him have his third glass

of milk between meals because at least we knew something was going into his stomach.

But somehow the idea that one day our fussy eater would eventually grab his fork and start

digging into his chicken stew with gusto just didn’t materialize. We were exhausted with the

stubborn refusals and so we just gave in. “My kid’s picky,” we would say while giving him a

hotdog for breakfast. Or “She only eats white food,” while handing our preschooler a bread

and butter sandwich with apple slices for supper.

So with all the bribing, manipulating, and yes, sometimes even threatening with no desserts

and time outs –you know who you are! — we are still left feeling powerless against our tiny,

food-refusing demon’s strong will and seemingly endless stamina in the ongoing battle to

make her eat well.

The toddler years are notorious for trying the patience of even the most calm and loving

parents. Toddlers are striving for independence, trying to figure out who they are, and

discovering how they fit in their world. And no matter how much you may be able to control

what your toddler CAN’T do, it is virtually impossible to force her to do things she has

decided not to. Eating is one of the few things that toddlers and preschoolers have some

control over because we can’t sit them down and force them to chew and swallow. And like

most power struggles, the more we worry and play games and threaten and bribe, the worse

it gets.

1chapter

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In order to change your feeding habits and start on a new program toward healthy eating

for your children, let’s first look at why the tactics you may have been trying just haven’t

been working. In fact, they’re probably making your child’s food issues worse!

#1—BRIBING: “Eat the carrot, and Mommy will give you a cookie.”

What it is: Bribing is, simply put, offering a reward for good behavior.

In the food battle context, many parents will use a more desirable food as a bribe to get a

child to eat a less desirable food. Gary, the father of four-year-old Jayden, told me he was

desperate for his son to eat protein. One day he took him to a fast food restaurant and

ordered chicken nuggets and fries. Jayden loved the fries but adamantly refused to eat any

meat or cheese products.

Gary slid the fries away from his hungry son and offered a nugget, telling Jayden that if he

took a bite, he could have a fry. Jayden protested but he was hungry, so they proceeded to

work their way through two nuggets, a tiny bite at a time, with a fry as a reward after each

bite. After two nuggets, Gary was satisfied and handed over the rest of the fries. The result?

Jayden will now eat nuggets occasionally, but usually one or two, and only when there is a

more desirable food used as a reward.

Why we do it: As you can see from this example, it sometimes works, or at least it does to

some degree. Jayden did actually eat the nuggets, and for parents who are terrified that their

child isn’t getting enough protein (carbs, vegetables, etc.), this can bring some measure of

relief. Many children will force down a few bites of spaghetti in order to get the jelly donut

you’ve promised for dessert. But it’s a quick fix, it can be very labor-intensive for the parent,

and in the long run it teaches your child nothing about healthy eating habits. Instead of

just sitting down and having a pleasant meal, you have to watch every bite or hold up the

“reward food” to remind your toddler to eat the food he doesn’t want to eat. It can be

disruptive and distract attention from your other children at the dinner table if all your

time and energy is going into your fussy eater.

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Why it doesn’t work: The biggest problem with bribing is that it creates lists of negative

and positive foods in the child’s head, with sweets and salty snacks like chips and candy on

the positive side and almost everything else on the negative. In the situation above, Jayden

has now formed the idea that chicken nuggets are a less desirable food than fries. Now

in many people’s eyes, both of the foods used in this example should be considered less

desirable, but we’re dealing with desperate parents, and I’m sure a few of us have been there!

This same problem occurs when we tell our children that they must finish their vegetables

or other healthier food before they get dessert. Ideally, the child should look at all foods as

equal. He will still have his likes and dislikes, and of course, many of his “likes” will probably

be sweets, but by taking the “reward” out of those foods they become less attractive and

open the way for other healthier foods to become more desirable. Why shouldn’t sweet,

crunchy, raw peppers be something for the child to celebrate, as well as chocolate pudding?

#2—THREATENING: “Eat your dinner, or you get a time out.”

What it is: Threatening is essentially the same as bribing, just in reverse. Instead of offering

a reward for eating, we offer a punishment if they don’t eat.

At her wit’s end, Amanda tried this with her three-year-old daughter Chloe, who refused

to eat almost anything other than toast and the occasional piece of fruit. One night she

informed Chloe that she would have to put her favorite dolly away if Chloe wouldn’t eat

her supper. Chloe cried, and Amanda pointed to her dinner and told her all she had to do

was eat. Chloe still refused to eat, now so upset she probably couldn’t even if she wanted to.

Finally, Amanda felt she was forced to follow through, and she set the beloved doll high on

a shelf, telling her daughter she could have it back the next morning. After that night, this

became part of the dinner routine and Chloe adapted to it. She learned quickly that she

always got her toy back the next day, so at dinnertime she would simply tell her mother to

go ahead and put her doll on the shelf. But she still didn’t eat.

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Why we do it: Desperation! In Amanda’s case, she felt she had tried everything else to get

Chloe to eat. In some cases, threats might work to the extent that your child will eat a bite

or two in order to escape the punishment, but ultimately this has not taught the child to be

a healthy eater and has only added another dimension to the power struggle.

Why it doesn’t work: Threats are damaging to a child’s self-esteem and send the message

that you don’t have faith in your child to make the right decisions. “Threats are a message of

distrust,” says Adele Faber, author of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids

Will Talk. “Your child hears, ‘You can’t be trusted to control yourself, so I’m going to control

you.’”

The other problem with threats is that the parent has to be willing to follow through on

them. In Amanda’s case, she didn’t enjoy taking her daughter’s favorite toys away and had

actually been hoping that she wouldn’t have to do it at all. If you make a threat, you must

be willing to live with the consequence for both you and your child. With food issues,

in particular, the punishment just doesn’t fit the “crime.” It isn’t a natural consequence to

make a child go to his room if he doesn’t eat his peas, and it only teaches him that eating is

something that is enforced externally and not something that he has control over.

#3—COAXING: “Here comes the airplane. Open up the hangar….”

What it is: Coaxing is something we have probably all done to encourage our children to

eat. This is the kindler, gentler form of trying to win a food battle. By using a friendly voice

to appeal to our toddler’s reasonable side, we try to convince her to eat, saying things like

“Oh, my goodness! Don’t those carrots look so delicious? Mmmmm…Mommy’s going to

have some. Do you want some, too? No? Are you sure? They’re soooo good.” Using the

“airplane,” as well as any other food games, falls under the coaxing category: “Open your

mouth, T-rex, here comes a bite of Stegosaurus!”

Richard and his wife are the parents of Sam, a very fussy two-year-old boy who wouldn’t

eat any of the food the family cooked for dinner every night, sticking to peanut butter

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sandwiches. One night Richard decided to make a game out of eating, and he produced

Sam’s favorite toy, a stuffed shark puppet. Pointing at the fish stick sitting on Sam’s plate

getting cold, Richard said, “Shark’s going to eat some fish, Sam. Do you want to be a shark,

too?”

Sam, who was obsessed with great white sharks, nodded, clearly excited by the game.

Richard used the puppet to pretend to eat some fish, and then held the fish stick up to Sam

to try. Sam shook his head. The whole family got involved: “Oooh, the shark’s going to eat

you, fish! Sam, come on, eat it quick!”

Sam got so excited he jumped up and ran around the table. Richard picked up the fish stick,

hoping to use the momentum of the game to get Sam to try it. After chasing Sam for a

second with the puppet shark, Sam, thrilled with the fiasco, finally reached over and took a

small bite of the fish from his father’s hands. Everyone cheered, and Sam promptly gagged

and spit it out on the floor.

Why we do it: In some ways, coaxing just seems natural. As parents, we do it all the time,

and it’s a more positive approach than threatening or bribing. We think that by making a

game out of eating and not allowing frustration to take over, we might eventually get our

child to eat. But with regard to eating, coaxing is still a manipulative tool, no matter how

nice we’re being, and it does not allow the child to take control of his own eating habits.

Why it doesn’t work: Coaxing, like threats and bribes, might work for some people some of

the time, in the sense that the child might try something new to please his parents or might

get so caught up in the game that, like Sam, he’s playing a part that is expected of him.

Again, this might satisfy the parents’ immediate concern about just getting food into their

child’s belly, but is it really helping to develop a healthy attitude about eating?

Another problem is that the meal table ends up being like a circus, complete with clown

shows by frantic fathers trying to make silly faces and turning food into flying spaceships,

and the applause and excitement of the other family members is designed to make

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the situation better because they want to be supportive when the toddler finally tries

something. But this sets up a situation where the child is the absolute center of the family’s

attention, and he will come to expect and desire that this will be the case every night. It’s

simply too exhausting to keep up, and most parents become frustrated and eventually get to

a point where they “just want my child to eat!” without all the fanfare.

#4—DISGUISING: “He’ll never notice the mashed lima beans I stuffed into his grilled cheese sandwich.”

What it is: Many resourceful parents come up with ways to hide nutritious foods in the

not-so-nutritious foods their toddler prefers. This is especially common with vegetables,

which are notorious for being less than desirable to picky two and three-year-olds. And

although it is very common, and of course, perfectly acceptable to boost your soups and

stews with as many vegetables as you can stuff in there, the kind of food disguising we’re

discussing here is the more underhanded variety and usually leads to a moral decision on

the part of the parent over whether to lie about it or not.

Why we do it: Concern over whether the child is getting enough of the vitamins and

nutrition required from certain foods. Most parents are very worried about their child’s

vegetable intake. These fears will also be addressed in Chapter 2: “How Much Food Does a

Toddler Need?”

Why it doesn’t work: While it makes sense to pack as much nutrition as possible into our

toddler’s food, the tricky part is when we try and hide foods they don’t like into foods they

do. Some children will notice the peas sticking out of their burger patty and the bitter taste

of turnip in their mashed potatoes. For picky eaters, this can end up having the reverse

effect the parents were going for, and once the savvy eater figures out she’s been duped,

she may refuse foods that she had previously accepted for fear that she will find alien and

undesirable foods hidden in her dinner. The child, who is essentially at the mercy of the

parent who is feeding her, may feel that she can’t trust the parents and become even more

wary of trying new things.

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#5—THE ONE-BITE RULE: “Just have one bite, and you don’t have to eat any more.”

What it is: Often the one-bite rule is paired with a bribe, as in “Just have one bite and then

you can have a bite of cookie,” as seen with the chicken nugget scenario. But sometimes

parents just establish the rule that every new food must be tried at least once. This rule can

also be paired with a threat. (i.e. “You can’t get down from the table until you have three

more bites of lasagna.”)

Why we do it: Used in combination with bribes and threats, this seems like it works well

for some parents, and they manage to get their kids to eat at least what they consider to be

an acceptable portion of their dinner. Also, parents see it as a way to get children to try new

foods. If the stubborn toddler flatly refuses to take a bite of candied yam, how will he ever

know how good it is? Parents of picky eaters are always hopeful that their child will develop

a liking for a new food, and there’s no way for that to happen unless they try it!

Why it doesn’t work: While it seems like an innovative way to get a fussy child to try

a new food, it is deeply rooted in the belief that the child will simply never try it on his

own. Parents who use this rule feel that their child is incapable of asserting their own

independence in regard to trying new foods and that their fear will keep them from ever

trying meatloaf or vegetable stir-fry.

While it might seem like your child will never try new foods, you will be amazed to find

that when the power struggle is taken out of the equation, your child will eventually become

interested on his own and start exploring new foods.

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WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DON’T WIN: Giving In to Short Order Cooking

Many desperate parents are guilty of turning their kitchens into all-day diners when other

efforts fail. They might make pork chops and baked potatoes for most of the family, and

then make chicken noodle soup with no noodles and a ham sandwich with no butter for

their fussy toddler. They might do it every night, no matter how tired they are or how little

they feel like making special meals.

Unfortunately, though it may feel like your selflessness is serving a purpose, it’s actually

perpetuating an endless cycle in which your toddler is not being put in a position where

they are being encouraged to try new foods. The message you want to send is that you trust

your child to be able to expand her food horizons, and you don’t want her to think that she

is “special” or “different” and therefore incapable of eating what everybody else is eating.

Emma’s Story: A Case Study from Tracy Lamerton, Child Nutritionist:

The first time Tracy met with three-year-old Emma and her mother Susan to provide

outpatient nutrition counseling, Susan shed tears as she described her situation and

confessed how many professionals she had seen for help. Emma may have been three, but

she was eating at the maturity level of a twelve-to-eighteen-month old. She was unwilling

eat any foods with texture; everything she consumed had the consistency of pudding, and

the list of foods she would accept was very limited (including foods like yogurt and baby

cereal). Susan had seen a pediatrician, an occupational therapist, a psychologist, and many

other specialists to determine whether the eating difficulties were physical or psychological.

After many months, all involved told the parents that there was no physical reason

preventing Emma from chewing and swallowing age-appropriate foods. However, they were

not given any direction about how to promote healthy eating behaviors and still felt at a loss

as to how to get their child to eat foods with texture.

At their first appointment, Tracy gathered as much history as she could about Emma’s

early feeding patterns, such as breastfeeding and the introduction of solids. They discussed

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the feeding relationship between Emma and her parents, and she tried to develop a sense

of what the mealtime environment was like. It seemed to her that Mom and Dad had

very reasonable ideas about how to feed their child. Susan nursed until six months, then

introduced solids (such as cereals), and the family tried to eat together when possible.

Despite this apparently positive start, there were a few factors that gave Tracy cause for

some concern: 1) Susan had hesitated to offer finger foods when the time was appropriate

(about 12-18 months) because it was just too messy. 2) She seemed overly concerned

about the fat content of foods and expressed concern about her child getting too fat.

Emma was far from overweight. She could not even be described as “chubby.” She was lean

(approximately 75th percentile for height and 50th percentile for weight). 3) Susan had

struggles with her own weight history. 4) She felt an enormous amount of responsibility

to ensure that her child ate healthily, and her frustration was very visible. Understandably,

both parents were trying all kinds of tactics to get their daughter to eat, from excessive

encouragement to bribery.

Tracy decided that once a week, she and Emma would meet and have lunch together so

that she could get at the root of why Emma would not eat food with texture. The goal of

the lunches was not so much to get Emma to eat but to take away all the pressures, whether

positive or negative. It was to be an enjoyable social time in which Emma would be offered

(in a very neutral manner) a variety of food choices, and she would be in control of how

much and whether she ate them.

Initially, Emma would not eat much, and she stuck with the comfortable pudding-textured

foods. (Mom sent a mix of textures and types and foods – some familiar foods and some

new foods.) However, after several visits with the same approach, Emma became more

experimental, and slowly began to try some other textures. Now it was time for Mom to try

and create this same relaxed atmosphere during meal times at home – to remove pressure

and remember her role ended after the food was offered. It was not her job to make her

daughter eat.

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After several months with a consistent approach and lots of patience and determination,

Emma began to eat and explore her food like a typical three-and-a-half year old. Susan

worked hard to let go of many of her own food issues, relaxed about cleanliness, avoided

the power struggles, and focused on enjoying the special social interaction that meal times

offered. Emma delighted in exploring new foods at her own pace, in her own way.

ENDING FOOD BATTLES

Let’s stop for a moment here and contemplate what being a “good eater” means to you. Does

it mean that your child eats what she is given and cleans her plate without complaint? Does

it mean that you can take her to an ethnic smorgasbord and have her load up on curry and

spicy burritos and pad thai? Does it mean that she will always at least try whatever she’s

given?

It will mean different things to different parents, but the common denominator is that we

all want our child to be healthy, both physically and mentally. And this particular issue gives

us cause for concern on both counts. We worry that they aren’t getting enough nutrition

to make their bones healthy and help them grow. We also worry that they are developing

power issues with food that could indicate that someday they might be anorexic, bulimic, or

overweight.

What I will do in this book is quell these fears and help illustrate that children do not

starve themselves and that they actually might need less food than you think to thrive. But

most importantly, I will show you that it is possible for your child to have a positive, healthy

relationship with food and eating. All it takes is a new perspective on the food battle—a

surrender, if you will. So give up your old ideas about food, and let’s start developing a new

plan of action.

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2chapterHow Much Food Do They Really Need?

O kay. We’ve tackled some of the common and understandable mistakes that desperate parents

make in trying to get their stubborn toddlers and preschoolers to eat. Now we can move on to figuring out

exactly how much food your little one needs to thrive. This should be a comforting chapter because, believe

it or not, most toddlers and preschoolers are getting the vitamins and nutrients they need, no matter how

choosy they are and how erratic their eating behavior.

As long as you are consistent with offering foods at each meal that she knows and likes, as well as newer

foods you would like her to try, trust that her body is telling her what to eat and how much of it. The goal of

this chapter is to help you relax enough to be able to implement some of the changes necessary to get your

child started on some better eating habits. Let’s look at a few more facts that might just ease your mind:

TINY TUMMIES

It will probably be helpful to know that a toddler’s stomach is roughly the size of his own little fist. Try to

remember this when you’re worrying about whether four bites of macaroni and cheese and a tiny nibble of

raw carrot at dinner will sustain your three-year-old until breakfast the next morning. Odds are, it will!

THE TODDLER INSTINCT

Pediatricians often tell parents that they shouldn’t worry and that their picky toddler won’t starve himself…

but many of them are still concerned that their child couldn’t possibly be eating enough to get by. The

truth is, children actually have remarkably good instincts when it comes to food and nutrition, and when

given the opportunity without power struggles, bribing, coaxing, and threatening from their well-meaning

parents, will eat exactly what they need. Ellyn Satter, author of Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and

Good Sense, explains this phenomenon:

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“I have been impressed at the bizarre and meager appearance of the meal and snack records {of toddlers}:

a tablespoon of this, a bite of that, an eighth of something else. However, when I have calculated the diets

and averaged the nutrients out, I have found almost without exception that children were getting what they

needed. They were, that is, as long as they were being offered regular and nutritious meals and snacks.”

So all you have to do is to provide a cheerful, relaxed environment and good food choices. You can leave the

rest up to your child!

THE BALANCED WEEK VS. THE BALANCED MEAL

Most of us have it programmed into us from childhood that we need to have the four food groups

represented in each meal, and while we may not consult the Food Guide Pyramid every time we cook, the

average meal probably consists of a protein such as meat, cheese, or fish, as well as a vegetable and a grain

such as rice or bread. Most of us want to make sure our toddlers are getting something from each group

three times a day, but there is no need to panic if your child picks the cheese off your homemade pizza,

won’t eat the whole-wheat crust, or suddenly refuses to eat meat for days on end.

Most experts agree that it is not necessary to have a balanced meal three times a day every day. In fact, as

long as your child is getting the right mix of vegetables, grains, dairy products, and meat, fish, or alternatives

over a span of a week or even two, he will be just fine in terms of the nutrients he needs. He might ask for

bananas three days in a row, then refuse them for the next three weeks. It all evens out in the end.

BINGING

Many parents fret not only about the amount of food their children eat but the fact that they might eat like

starved animals one day and only eat two bites of toast and half a bowl of applesauce the next day. There’s

no cause for alarm. As we know, toddlers are fighting for independence, and they are, in many cases, using

their relationship with food as their own personal little power tool. There may be days when they are less

guarded and more likely to just follow their bodies’ instincts and eat, and there may be days when they are

more likely to play games and refuse food. The less you join in the games, the more relaxed your toddler will

be and the less pressure he will be dealing with.

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Also, we all know, as adults, that there are some days when we just can’t seem to stop eating and others

when we eat the bare minimum to get by and don’t feel hungry. Toddlers are no different, and the more

they can learn to follow their own natural hunger patterns, the better. That is why the What, When, How

Much, and Whether rule is so important. Remember—your job is to choose what to feed your toddler

and when to give it to her. Her job is to decide how much she eats and whether she eats at all.

There are a few steps we can take as parents to make sure that we aren’t contributing to our child’s

occasional (or consistent) lack of interest in food. Here are a couple of things that some of you might be

doing that probably aren’t helping:

THE LIQUID DIET

1. MILK

Many parents offer their child milk throughout the day and feel that at least their picky eater is getting

some nutrition. While this is true to some extent, offering your child milk is not the answer to your food

problems. In fact, if your child drinks too much milk it can actually cause deficiencies of important vitamins

and minerals because he’ll be too full to eat a variety of other important foods. Remember, a toddler’s

stomach is very small, and it can be filled up easily. If your two-year-old has asked for milk several times

between breakfast and lunch and you have given it to him, he will be far less likely to sit down and eat his

peanut butter sandwich.

For younger toddlers who have been bottle-fed, it seems only natural to give them cups or bottles of milk

throughout the day, but if your eighteen-month-old is at the stage where he is ready and willing to try more

solid foods, then it might be time to start weaning him off bottles and limiting his milk intake.

Too Much Milk— A Cautionary Tale

Natalie was a sixteen-month-old who drank at least two to three bottles of milk and juice all through the

night. At bedtime she drank a full eight-ounce bottle of milk in her crib and then quickly fell asleep. At least

twice a night she would wake up crying for more. Her mom would then come in and hand Natalie one

eight- ounce bottle of milk AND an eight-ounce bottle of apple juice. Natalie would drink down both the

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milk and the juice and go back to sleep, only to wake a few hours later for more.

Natalie’s mother was concerned that her daughter would not sleep through the night but was even more

concerned that her daughter did not eat properly throughout the day. She said she was worried that she

was actually hungry in the night because she didn’t eat properly.

The truth is that toddlers are very good at regulating their caloric needs in a 24-hour period, so if they

are receiving half of their calories through the night from milk and juice, they just don’t need to eat much

through the day to catch up.

Not only were Natalie’s daytime eating problems directly related to her daytime eating, they were extremely

detrimental to Natalie’s developing teeth because drinking so much juice and milk through a bottle all night

long is not healthy. It was only a matter of time before serious dental issues would emerge.

The first thing we did was take away the bottle at bedtime, and replace it with a sippy cup of milk during

story time. Natalie was not that interested in drinking the milk in a sippy cup.

Now, Natalie was used to going to sleep with a bottle in her mouth, so you can be sure she put up a fight

the first five nights when her mom put her into the crib without the bottle, but as the nights went on she got

used to the idea and started to learn a new way of falling asleep.

She was also not allowed any nighttime bottles of milk or juice, and the only beverage her mom would offer

her was a sippy cup of water. Again, Natalie did not like this change to her sleeping strategies, and it took six

nights for her to stop waking up crying for her bottles.

By the end of the first week Natalie was sleeping through the night, and her parents noticed a big change

in her eating habits through the day. She still had her favorites, but she was eating more of them and

beginning to experiment with a variety of different food choices.

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A No Milk Story, too!

Morgan was two years old and still drinking two to three full bottles of milk a day. Her mom decided it was

time to end the bottle use because Morgan was too old for a bottle, and Mom was worried about her teeth.

But every time she tried to offer Morgan milk in a cup, she flat-out refused it. This is a common problem

that a lot of parents face. Some children develop a bottle habit and then will strongly resist milk coming in

any other form. This caused Morgan’s mom concern because she worried that if Morgan didn’t drink milk

that she would somehow starve or not get enough calcium in her diet.

It can be difficult for some parents to “let milk go” when for so long, milk was the main source of nutritional

content for the child, either in formula or breast milk. But once a child starts eating solid foods (around the

age of one), food should become the main source of nutrition, and milk should just become a beverage.

Every time Morgan sat down in her highchair for a meal or a snack, her mom would calmly place half a cup

of milk on her tray. Morgan would occasionally pick up the milk and look at it, then put it down again.

It took three weeks before Morgan would pick up the cup and take a few sips, and she never really became

a heavy milk drinker, but Morgan’s mom did her best not to worry. She made sure her orange juice was

calcium fortified, and Morgan would eat yogurt and cheese. She also made sure that she offered water in a

sippy cup all through the day so Morgan would not become dehydrated.

How Much Milk is Enough?

Toddlers need 500 mg of calcium a day and 200 IU (international units) of vitamin D. The main reason

pediatricians and nutritionists recommend milk in a toddler’s diet is because one cup of milk has 300 mg

of calcium and �8 IU of vitamin D, so if your child has two cups of milk a day she is more than covered.

However, there are parents who opt not to give their children cow’s milk at all due to lactose allergies,

personal taste, or concern about the hormones used in the production of milk. There are other options if

you choose not to give your child cow’s milk, such as fortified soy and rice milks and calcium-added orange

juice, all of which have the same calcium content as cow’s milk.

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Finding a replacement for vitamin D can be trickier. Egg yolks and oily fish contain vitamin D, and when

your child gets plenty of outside time in the sun her body produces its own. However, if it is wintertime and

your child doesn’t eat eggs and fish or drink milk, you may want to consider a vitamin D supplement.

One point to note is that some brands of soymilk contain sugar, which can wreak havoc on developing

teeth, so for older toddlers it’s better to serve drinks in cups and not bottles. Limit the use of sippy cups,

which, while handy to prevent spills, make it easier for bacteria to hang around in your child’s mouth when

he sucks on the cup’s spout. If you have decided not to serve your child milk, here are some calcium-rich

food alternatives:

Cheese 1 ounce 200mg calcium

Cottage cheese ¼ cup 40mg

Yogurt 1 cup 300mg

Ice cream ½ cup 110 mg

Meat/poultry/fish 3 oz 10-20mg

Canned fish w/bones 3oz 250mg

Egg 1 30mg

Cooked dried beans ½ cup 45 mg

Nuts and seeds 2tblsp 20-40 mg

Tofu w/calcium lactate 4oz 50-250 mg, depending on brand

Bread 1 slice 25mg

Noodles ½ cup 15mg

Vegetables (average) ½ cup 20-40-mg

Green leafy veggies ½ cup 100mg

Fruit (average) ½ cup 20-40 mg

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2. JUICE

We all know toddlers love juice. And what’s not to love? Even 100 percent juice with no added sugar, which

is what your child should be drinking, is a sweet treat. But the dangers of too much juice outweigh the

benefits. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children from 1-6 limit their juice intake

to 4-6 ounces a day. Here are some reasons why giving your child too much juice will only cause problems

in the long run:

#1 The first danger is that, like with milk, toddlers would love to fill up on juice if you would only let them,

and the nutrients they get from juice do not give them what they need and what they could get from a more

well-rounded diet.

#2 Second, although it may seem like you’re giving your child a healthy apple every time you hand over a

cup of apple juice, it is actually much better to just cut up and serve the apple. It is recommended that only

50% of the daily requirement for fruit servings for toddlers and preschoolers comes from juice.

#3 And this is a big one! The natural sugars in juice can cause tooth decay, which can be devastating for a

young child who has to go through hours in the dentist chair having cavities filled. Juice is especially hard on

developing teeth if it’s served in bottles; it should always be offered in a cup.

Make sure you serve 100% real fruit juice to get the full nutritional value. Any juice that is described with the

words “drink,” “cocktail,” or “beverage” is usually made with a lot of sugar and not a lot of actual fruit juice.

The following is a list of preferred juices:

Orange – The juice with the highest amount of vitamin C and potassium and a good source of folate and

thiamin. It also contains cancer-fighting phytochemicals.

Grapefruit – The juice with the second highest amount of vitamin C.

Apricot Nectar – This juice is high in vitamin A and contains a small amount of iron and zinc.

Prune – The juice highest in iron, zinc, fiber, and niacin.

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White Grape – A juice high in vitamin C and the best juice for healing the intestines.

Apple – This juice has no nutritional advantage over other juices but is good for flavoring water because it

dilutes well.

So now, armed with the knowledge that your child will not actually starve herself and with some of the

facts on why filling up tiny tummies with milk and juice might not be working to your advantage, we move

on to how much food your child actually needs to get by. Keep in mind that toddler and preschoolers are

notoriously erratic with their eating habits and may not conform to the “daily recommended amounts”

from the food guides but rather space out their nutritional intake on their own schedule.

HOW MUCH TODDLERS ACTUALLY NEED TO BE FULL AND HEALTHY

How much a child needs to be full can really only be determined by the child. It is important early on to

acknowledge and respect a child’s signs of hunger and satiety so that she can learn to trust these instincts and

eat accordingly. This is why it is so crucial for parents to understand that their role is to provide a variety of

foods at meal and snack times, and it is their child’s role to decide how much they will eat.

Sometimes parents’ expectations of what their children should eat are too great, and that is in part due to

our distorted vision of what a portion size is. We have to become familiar with child size portions. A helpful

rule of thumb is 1 tbsp per year of age = 1 portion. (i.e. 1 tbsp of peas would be a serving for a one-year-

old.)

Sample Portions and Menu From Tracy Lamerton, Child Nutritionist

Grains ½ - 1 slice of bread, ½ - ¾ cup cereal, ½ - 1 small muffin, ½ cup of rice or pasta

Vegetables & Fruit ½ - 1 medium vegetable or fruit, ¼ - ½ cup frozen, canned or fresh fruit or

vegetables, ½ - 1 cup of salad, ¼ - ½ cup of juice

Milk 25-50g (1-2 oz.) of cheese, ½ - ¾ cup of yogurt, ½ -1 cup of milk.

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Meats & Alternates 25-50g (1-2 oz.) meat, fish or poultry, 1 egg, ¼ - ½ cup beans, ¼ - ⅓ cup tofu,

1-2 tbsp of nut butter

SAMPLE ONE-DAY MENU

Here is an example of what a three-year-old might eat in a day:

Breakfast

½ cup cereal with

½ cup of milk

½ cup of juice

Snack

½ cup yogurt

¼ cup of blueberries

Lunch

½ grilled cheese sandwich

4-5 cucumber slices with dip

½ cup milk

Snack

1 toast with 1 tbsp of peanut butter

½ cup milk or soy beverage

Dinner

½ cup noodles with 2 tbsp of tomato sauce

¼ cup peas

½ bun with butter/margarine

½ cup frozen yogurt

Snack

½ cup milk ½ apple

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3chapterKeeping It Simple —

Structure And Routine For Meal TimesThe Recap:

So now you know what doesn’t work (bribing, threatening, cajoling, disguising, and any

other form of parental manipulation), and you know exactly how much your little guy

needs to survive, which was probably less than you thought. You know you don’t have to

worry if your three-year-old eats two bites of her sandwich at lunch and five macaroni

noodles for dinner because the next day, odds are she’s going to eat more. What we’re going

to talk about now are ways to help implement the new plan, the new stress-free, tactic-free

mealtimes that you will be enjoying with your toddler, who is now ready to start exploring

new foods at her own pace without the pressure of trying to please and/or irritate her mom

and dad.

In the previous two chapters I have mentioned the When, What, How Much, and Whether

rule. This is a very important tool in the new phase of your toddler’s eating life. And it’s easy

for you as the parent to remember when you get frustrated or fearful at the amount your

child is eating: Your responsibility is to provide nutritious foods that you have chosen and

to decide when your child will eat. The rest is up to your child. Here are some tips that will

help you make the most of this rule:

You Decide When

Toddlers and preschoolers should have regularly scheduled meals. It helps them feel secure

to have a routine. It will help you to know that it is only your job to feed them at certain

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times of the day instead of catering to a constant stream of snack requests. You may worry

that you are “spoiling their dinners,” but you give in anyway for fear that they will starve.

Try having three meals a day, plus a snack about halfway between each meal. That way, your

toddler will actually be hungry when he sits down to dinner instead of being full from the

muffin and the orange he ate twenty minutes before. To have success in feeding your child

new foods, it’s essential that he actually be hungry when he sits down to eat.

Toddlers need to eat every two to three hours. Your family’s schedule will help determine

when you should feed your child, and there is no right and wrong time. If you have to get

up early and go to work and your toddler needs to go to daycare, then he will be having

breakfast early, and if you are a stay-at-home mom (or dad) with a little guy that likes to

sleep in until nine, it could be a couple of hours later.

Snack Responsibly!

The idea is to make sure that when your child comes to the table, he is hungry and ready to

eat. This can’t happen if you are catering to him all day and offering crackers and fruit and

treats whenever he asks for them.

Tara is the mother to four-year-old James, who was so particular about food that he hardly

ate anything that was cooked, preferring yogurt, applesauce, and toast for dinner. Tara

admitted that she fed him throughout the day whenever he asked for food. She would give

him granola bars, crackers, and even cookies when he asked because she was so afraid that

he wasn’t getting enough to eat. But then when they would sit down to dinner, he would

refuse to eat anything. An hour later he would ask for toast, and she would get it for him.

If Tara had offered James a healthy snack about halfway between lunch and dinner and

then been firm about waiting until dinner to eat anything else, the odds are that he would

actually eat something when he sat down with the family and that it would be more

nutritious and filling.

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What to eat?

It’s your job as a parent to choose what to serve, so plan meals with two or three choices

(one protein, one or more vegetables, and a starch). If you are introducing a new food, make

sure there is something on the table that your toddler or preschooler is familiar with and

likes, like bread or rice. That way, even if he doesn’t try anything new that night, he can still

eat enough to be full. But make sure you don’t give in to short order cooking! If you toddler

demands that you make something else, just explain calmly that you are all eating the same

dinner and that if he is hungry, he can eat whatever he wants from the table.

The Dessert Debate

Experts have differing opinions about dessert. Some think it’s fine to have a sweet treat

after dinner, and others are adamant that there should not be a reward for eating a healthy

dinner. Some even believe that you should offer dessert either before the meal or along-

side it—provided that it is something healthy like fruit or custard. But most agree that it’s

important that you don’t use dessert as a tool to get your child to eat. This sets up the idea

that some foods are more desirable than others, which is not what we’re trying to do.

In order for your child to get excited about new foods, it’s a good idea not to put too much

emphasis on sweets and chips as treats. You can offer your child these foods at snack time,

such as a plate of oatmeal cookies with milk or soymilk or offering potato chips along

with dinner. But you don’t want there to be a big sticky piece of chocolate cake waiting as a

reward when your child finishes dinner. You want him to eat because he’s hungry, not so he

can get sweets afterwards.

Jackie, mother to four-year-old Michael and two-year-old Seth, had been using dessert as

a seemingly effective bribe with her children from the time they started eating solid foods.

After a couple of years of this, Michael would only eat his meals if he was prompted all

throughout dinnertime and told what he had to eat in order to get his dessert. There would

be negotiating and tantrums with every meal as he tried to get away with eating the fewest

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bites possible before he got dessert. This scenario was tiring and disruptive to everyone, and

it was not helping Michael develop a healthy attitude toward food. He was not learning to

follow his own internal hunger cues and was firmly under the belief that what he was being

made to eat for dinner was less desirable food than the reward at the end. When Jackie

eliminated dessert from the equation the whole dynamic changed, and Michael started to

follow his own hunger patterns, eating because he was hungry, not so he could win a power

struggle that ended in reward!

PRESENTING THE FOOD

One tactic that can help introduce your fussy toddlers to new foods is to give them more

control over serving themselves. Offer their food in serving bowls and on platters, and allow

them to choose what they want. This gives them more freedom than having their food

already placed on their plate, and they might be more likely to try something new.

Mark’s three-year-old daughter Angie loved serving herself the first time dinner was offered

on special dishes with serving spoons. She piled eight pieces of cucumber on her plate,

looking at her dad each time to make sure it was okay. “Go ahead, “ he would say. “Take as

much as you want.” After she had selected her cucumbers she sat back, content and satisfied

with how grown up she was. She didn’t touch the chicken or any of the other vegetables,

and, in fact, did not even eat much of the cucumber she had selected. Her father did not

try to convince her to eat, and she was used to only eating when prompted to do so. In fact,

he said nothing about the pile of cucumbers or the fact that she wasn’t eating any of it. He

thought that for sure this plan had failed.

But sure enough, every night she would take what she wanted (as long as there was enough

left for everyone else to have their share) and soon, without any pressure by her parents, she

started to eat what she chose and even tried some of the new foods that were offered on the

table..

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The Family Meal

Of course, it won’t be possible to sit together as a family for every meal, but make an effort

to try this for at least one meal a day. Toddlers and preschoolers learn by imitating, and the

best way they can develop healthy eating habits is from watching you. If you are eating lots

of vegetables and healthy foods, this will seem normal and familiar to your child, and he is

more likely to eat them, too.

This can also be a wonderful time to be together as a family, and give your child the

attention he craves. If you have successfully eliminated the pressure and nagging with

regard to food, eating together can actually be a pleasant experience! Keep in mind that

toddlers and preschoolers have short attention spans, and they may not be willing or able

to sit for a prolonged period of time. That’s fine. Encourage them to sit with the family, even

if they say they aren’t hungry, and don’t pressure them to eat. This is a good time to have a

conversation, ask them questions about their day, and give them an opportunity to eat and

relax with you in a calm and loving environment.

Because young children are distracted easily, if they are left to eat at the table by themselves,

they can lose focus and end up leaving the table or just playing with their food. When you

all sit together, you can focus on each other and your meal.

TABLE MANNERS: Don’t Stress the Mess!

Younger toddlers like to explore new foods by touching them, inspecting them, and in some

cases, squishing them before they put it in their mouth. Let them! This is an important part

of the process for them, and they should grow out of it within a year or two. Remember—

new foods are foreign for little people who are used to eating everything mushed up. Let

them squish their banana and crumble their cubes of cheese. As long as they are allowed

to touch and experience the new foods, the chances are better they will be less afraid to try

them.

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As for preschoolers, they will sometimes need to use their fingers to push their food onto

their forks. This is fine, also. They are still learning, and their little hands and fingers make

it more difficult for them to use their cutlery properly. Let them explore their food with

their hands as well, as long as they aren’t throwing it or smushing it onto the table!

It is important for even very young children to learn to say “please” and “thank you” and

be polite when they are sitting with a group of people, and eating together is an excellent

opportunity to help them learn these skills. Of course, there will still be tantrums and

crying and attempted negotiations around the food, but as long as you stay calm and don’t

get caught up in the cycle, you can just remind them that their behavior isn’t acceptable at

the table. Don’t give any more attention to it unless they are being so disruptive they need to

be removed from the table.

TROUBLESHOOTING: What to Do If They …

1) SAY THEY AREN’T HUNGRY If your toddler or preschooler is busy playing when

you call her for dinner and announces that she isn’t hungry, encourage her to come and sit

at the table anyway, so you can have a visit with her. Explain to her that dinner is a time

for the family to be together. When she comes to the table, make sure you follow the rules:

Offer her some food, and then don’t say another word about it. If she hops up after ten

minutes and says she’s full, even if she hasn’t eaten a bite, let her go. But don’t feed her again

until her next scheduled snack.

2) REFUSE TO SIT STILL In terms of squirming and not sitting up straight, if it isn’t

hurting anyone, and the chair isn’t in danger of being broken by being pushed back on two

legs, ignore it. Young children have a lot of excess energy, and it can be difficult for them

to sit still. If you find that they are obviously just not hungry anymore and can’t seem to

contain their energy, you can suggest that it might be time for them to get up and go play—

but again, make sure they realize that they don’t eat again until their next snack. You don’t

want them hopping up and down from the table every three minutes, or it turns into a game

for them.

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3) BEG YOU TO MAKE THEM SOMETHING ELSE This can be a little heart

wrenching, but you need to stick to your convictions for your child’s sake. If the meal you

are serving is not something your toddler or preschooler wants to eat, tell him that it is the

meal that you made for the family, and everyone in the family is expected to eat it. There

will be no other meals made just for him. This will be especially difficult if he is used to

being made a grilled cheese sandwich every night. But after his initial anger and frustration

and yes, even fear, he will realize that this is the way it’s going to be.

Don’t give in. It will just confuse your child even more, and from then on he will always

think if he just cries enough or screams loud enough that eventually you will cave and

make him his sandwich. Keep in mind, also, that it’s always a good idea to serve something

that your child does like along with the rest of the meal, even if it’s only bread and butter.

At least he will feel he has an option if he can’t bring himself to try whatever you’ve made

that night. And don’t worry…the more safe and secure he feels and the less he believes that

eating is something that he does to make you happy, the more likely he is to try new foods.

4) CHOOSE SEVEN PIECES OF BREAD AND REFUSE ANYTHING ELSE This

is a good possibility, but common sense offers a solution. Matt, father to three-year-old Jen,

told me how one night his daughter refused the lasagna her mother offered and instead put

three dinner rolls on her plate. He gently explained to her that there were only five rolls

and that there were five people sitting at the table; therefore she could only take one. It was

perfectly reasonable for him to do this and near the end of the meal, Jen’s brother offered

her his roll, saying he didn’t want to eat it. This was fine, also. The important point was that

Jen realized she wasn’t getting special treatment and that she had to respect the other family

members as well.

Case Study From Tracy Lamerton

I recently counseled a family who were struggling a great deal with their four-year-old son’s

eating habits. Basically, the concept of a “family meal” had disappeared. It had become too

difficult for Mom and Dad to get their little guy to the table at meal time, so they decided

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for the sake of everyone’s peace they would not enforce coming to the table at meal time and

rather allow their child to come if he wanted and not come if he did not want to or did not

like what was offered. If the child did not like what was offered, he would leave the table.

However, fifteen minutes later he would return and ask for something else – usually his

favorite, a grilled cheese sandwich. Mom or Dad would oblige because they were concerned

that their child would not sleep well or would get cranky and things would become

unpleasant.

This pattern is certainly not unusual for parents to adopt as the mealtime battles sometimes

get to be too exhausting to deal with. Unfortunately, it is not a long-term solution to the

problem because eventually new frustrations arise, such as trying to get your child to have

table manners at someone else’s house or eating out at a restaurant; parents getting tired of

short order cooking and wasting uneaten food; and lack of family meal time, which provides

an opportunity for the family to connect, etc.

This family started their struggle back when their child was a toddler, and they did not

make the appropriate switch from feeding-on-demand during infancy to setting a schedule

for meal and snacks during toddlerhood. This is a very important transition. Toddlers do

better with eating when they know when the next meal or snack is coming. This family was

always very concerned about their child’s eating because he was small on the growth chart;

therefore, they would feed him whenever he asked for something and often gave snacks or

parts of the meal while the child was still playing – sneaking little bits of food in his mouth

while he was on the go. They found this technique reassuring because at least they knew

he was getting some nutrition. Unfortunately, the child did not get in tune with his natural

hunger cues and rarely had the appetite for a full meal. When the parents tried to switch to

a more structured mealtime, the battles seemed unbearable.

We came up with a plan to take things slowly and lay out what would be reasonable

expectations of mealtime. The first step was to set some consistent meal and snack times.

The schedule need not be rigid but would allow the child to be able to count on when

food would be offered. Next, meal and snack time needed to be free of distractions. The

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child would be expected to come to the table and sit for a reasonable period of time, using

reasonable behavior and manners but would not be forced stay until the meal/snack was

complete. If the child refused to sit at the table, then no food would be given until the next

regularly scheduled snack. All pressure for eating the food was removed, and the goal was

to make mealtime pleasant without falling back into old habits of short order cooking and

allowing food to be eaten anywhere in the house. The parents were both on board with the

plan, which makes life much easier, and they were committed to making a change for the

better.

It took about two weeks of very consistent expectations on the part of Mom and Dad, but

eventually they were able to have a meal together that everyone could enjoy.

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4chapterListening to Their Tummies:

Teaching Your Child to Have a Healthy Relationship with Food.

Now that we know what and how much your children need to eat and what we

shouldn’t do to get them to eat it, it’s time to really get into the reasons why it’s so important

to help your child begin a healthy relationship with food and eating. The underlying lesson

in offering good food in a no-pressure atmosphere is that your child can regain control of

his own body’s instincts, to understand the difference between hungry and full, and not eat

just to please his parents.

For added incentive, let’s discuss the more serious issue that stems from having an

unhealthy relationship with food: obesity and the myriad of health issues that come with

eating a poor diet, which is unfortunately becoming all too common. So what do overeating

and eating too many fatty, sugary foods have in common? When you’re out of touch with

your own sense of hunger and satiety, and you have the false idea that only junk food can

give you comfort when you’re stressed or unhappy, you start an unhealthy pattern that can

cause trouble for years to come.

Hopefully, if you start using some of the skills you learn in this book, you will be able to

prevent some of these issues with your own child and give her an appreciation of healthy

foods and the tools she needs for listening to her body.

The Sad Truth About Obesity

It’s hard to believe, but obesity in North American children has tripled in the last twenty

years. As many of you already know, this condition can cause heart problems, strokes, and

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diabetes, as well as harmful self-image issues. Overweight children also have a much higher

chance of developing asthma and cholesterol problems.

So why has obesity become such a problem with our children? There are many reasons,

but here are the three main ones: Fast food has become the norm, new technologies are

consuming our children’s time and keeping them away from physical activity, and families

are spending less time together.

1. No Time to Cook!

People have gotten busier, and that means a lot of families are taking advantage of fast food

for its convenience and low cost. Many families eat fast food on a regular basis because

it’s so easy for busy parents to just pick up fried chicken or pizza for dinner. It’s also a

seemingly great way for teenagers to eat; they can buy an entire meal for less than five

dollars. So what’s the problem? Most of the food from these restaurants are full of fat and

often contain preservatives and high sodium content, as well. In short, it might be great for

a treat once in awhile, but eating it too often is just not good for you.

2. The Inactivity Zone

According to a study reported in the Canadian Medical Association Journal in 2000, the

average Canadian child watches television for three to five hours a day. Add this to the fact

that many of them also play video games and spend time on the computer, and you can see

why this “inactivity” has become such a problem. Half of children between the ages of eight

and fifteen own their own televisions, and 26% have their own computer with Internet

connection. Many studies have determined that the high obesity rate is not only because of

the fact that children are spending so much time parked in front of the TV but also that

most of the ads they see while they’re watching are for fast food and/or junk foods, which

makes them want to go out and buy some.

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3. No Time for Family Meals

Another unfortunate side effect of having a busy lifestyle with working parents and older

kids involved in school and extra-curricular activities is that families are sitting down and

eating together less and less. Although it can seem like a lot of effort, try and have the

family sit together for one meal a day, even if it’s only for half an hour.

As I mentioned in the previous chapter, when families eat together it is an excellent

opportunity for young children to learn to have a healthy attitude toward food. With

parents choosing and offering nutritious food and spending time talking to their toddlers

and teaching them to respect their feelings of being hungry or full, their children will be

encouraged to trust their instincts regarding food. Therefore, they won’t feel that they need

to horde or gorge on “forbidden” foods, and they will be less likely to end up overeating or

using food as a self-soothing method.

Note: Despite the reality of the obesity epidemic, it’s important to mention that we are all different sizes and shapes, and as parents we need to make sure we don’t use our own preconceived notions about how

we might want our children to look to affect their self-esteem.

If your child is heavier than you think he should be, consult your physician before you put

him on a diet— a practice that is becoming more and more frowned upon— or before

you tell him that he must lose weight. This could make the problem much, much worse

because his self-esteem will be eroded, and he may want to eat even more to make himself

feel better. Try to relax, and remember that your job is to provide healthy snacks and meals

and to make sure you don’t give into junk food and feeding on demand. And, even with

older children, it’s also your job to control how much time he spends sitting on the couch

watching TV or sitting at his computer instead of doing something active.

Eating for Comfort

Food by its very nature provides comfort; you’re hungry (uncomfortable), you eat, and you

feel better. We’ve all heard the expression “comfort food,” which evokes different smells and

3�


images for each of us. It might be a roasted chicken with all the trimmings for one person

or a juicy roast beef with Yorkshire pudding or cheesy lasagna…. The point is, it’s okay to

allow yourself to be comforted by food, and it will be perfectly normal for your child to

be as well. But if you provide your child with too many sugary or salty treats, or if you use

treats to comfort a sick or unhappy child, you’re setting up the idea that only junk food

will comfort them when they’re down. Think about what kind of comfort foods you’re

introducing to your child—chicken soup and orange juice when she’s sick? Hearty pork

chops and mashed potatoes when she’s tired at the end of a busy day? A plate of chocolate

marshmallow cookies and a glass of Kool-Aid? They all have the same comforting effect,

but as you can see, some choices are much healthier than others!

Most of us have our own little food addictions, and it’s okay to want to eat ice cream when

you’re feeling low, as long as it doesn’t become an issue of always heading to the cupboard

when times get tough. Children will want to comfort themselves with food as well, and the

best way to deal with this is to make sure you offer them healthy food. This doesn’t mean

you can’t give them treats from time to time, but you don’t want to give them the habit of

reaching for junk food when they’re feeling tired or upset.

Trusting Your Child: The Baby Instinct

“All children come into this world with an innate sense of what their bodies need. They

know when they’re hungry; they know when to start eating and when to stop because they

are hardwired to receive a built-in signal that delivers messages from the body to the head.”

Donna Fish, author of Take the Fight out of Food.

Babies are born knowing exactly how much they need to eat and when they need to eat it;

there are signals from the body that tell the brain to eat and when to stop eating. And when

children are very young and nursing or on bottles, most parents trust their babies’ instincts

and feed them on demand.

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So what happens to make parents suddenly terrified that their children aren’t getting

enough to eat? As soon as the parents take control of what they’re serving to their children,

all that faith seems to fly out the window. And although they would never have tried to

convince or force their tiny newborn to drink more milk, they find themselves in head-on

battles with stubborn toddlers, coaxing them to have more bites, to try new things, to just

eat!

Respecting their Tummies—The Difference Between Hungry and Full

The truth is, no matter how much we might want our toddlers or preschoolers to eat more

or to eat new things or to eat when we want them to, they still have their own hunger

instincts and patterns, just like we do. There might be days when we aren’t hungry or days

when we can’t seem to stop eating. Imagine if one day you just didn’t feel hungry at dinner,

and your spouse served you a big bowl of beef stew. What if you took a few bites and then

just couldn’t eat any more. Now what if he said, “Come on. Five more bites, and you can get

up from the table.” It feels unnatural to force yourself to eat when you aren’t hungry. We

don’t do it to ourselves, so why do it to our children?

We know enough to say to our spouse, “Thanks, but I’ve had enough.” But for a child this

can be a lot more confusing. No longer certain of his own natural instincts, he starts to

think that maybe his parents know better whether he is hungry of or full, and worse, he

may start to associate feeling hungry with actually being absolutely stuffed, especially if

his parents haven’t listened when he said he was full and convinced him to eat more before

getting down from the table or having dessert.

This is where a lot of the tricky control issues come in: Children start to eat to please their

parents or not eat to upset their parents…. In short, they realize that food is a powerful tool

and one that Mommy and Daddy seem to have a lot invested in.

Four-year-old Lucas became so embroiled in a power struggle with his parents that he

would simply not eat much at dinner at all. He would have two bites, or none at all, say he

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was full, and hop down from the table. One night after eating several fries from his plate

and leaving his hamburger and carrots untouched, he hopped down again. His parents,

trying to respect his own sense of hungry and full, let him go. But five minutes later, when

his sister was eating her fruit Popsicle, he came and demanded one, too. His mother told

him he could not have a Popsicle because there wasn’t enough dinner in his belly, and he

promptly went to the table and ate all his burger. “Now can I have a Popsicle?” he asked.

Obviously Lucas was hungry because most children can’t force an entire hamburger down

if they are genuinely full, and he was simply using food as a way to try to worry his parents.

He had developed the attitude that he was eating for them, and he didn’t feel like doing it

sometimes. But when he was told there would be something in it for him, he was quick to

jump in there and eat. Obviously his parents still had some work to do in trying to get him

back to listening to his body and eating when he was hungry!

Communication is Key

What Lucas’ parents did do right, however, was respect him when he said he was full. This

is a very important part of re-establishing the connection between your child’s little brain

and their belly.

You can start by talking to them about the difference between feeling…

1. Starved (when you feel dizzy—almost sick to your stomach—and sometimes irritable)

2. Hungry (ready to eat but not frantic)

3. Full (satisfied)

4. Too full (back to feeling sick)

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One of the most important differences is between full and too full. This is the one that may

need some work if you have been convincing your child to eat more than he says he wants.

He may have become used to the feeling of being uncomfortably stuffed but complied

because it meant he got to have dessert, or he got to leave the table and go play. This is also

the key in teaching your child not to overeat but to eat only as much as he feels comfortable.

It will help if he knows that food will be available again later and that this isn’t a one-shot

deal. If there is a snack in two hours, he will be less likely to stuff himself, worrying about

when he gets to eat again.

The more you talk to your child about the difference between these stages and the more

you respect her choices when she tells you she’s hungry or full, the more she will start to

trust her own instincts, and hopefully begin a new relationship with food—one where she

eats what you offer her in exactly the right amounts she needs to help her growing body be

healthy and strong!

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5chapter

SnacksM ost kids are grazers at heart; they love to be provided with delicious

munchies on a regular basis throughout the day but then often don’t tend to eat as well at

sit-down meals. And there’s something about those constant calls of “I’m still hungry” that

can put busy parents’ teeth on edge, especially if they have more than one child. They end

up feeling like they live in the kitchen and that their sole occupation in life is to make food,

clean up crumbs, and wash sticky hands and faces!

But snacking can be our greatest friend, especially if you are one of those parents who have

been catering to your picky eater’s every snack whim in the desperate hopes of just getting

something into his stomach. Unfortunately, as you begin to work toward healthy eating

patterns, you will have to leave this bad habit at the wayside. The best way to get your child

to eat at mealtimes is to have planned snacks throughout the day and to just say no if he

asks for food at other times. This works for several reasons.

The child can depend on you

If a child doesn’t know when he will strike out or hit the jackpot in terms of snacks, he will

just keep asking all the time in hopes that you’ll cave. He will remember how you gave him

four cookies after breakfast three days ago and will probably not stop harassing you until

you give in again. If you have planned snacks at certain times, he will become used to the

schedule and learn to eat more at mealtimes if he knows he doesn’t get to eat again for a

couple of hours.

It Will Save Your Sanity!

If you know that your child has scheduled snacks, then you can relax in between and simply

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say no when your little one follows you around tugging at your pant leg and demanding a

mini yogurt. And while it may be hard to imagine saying no to food, it will actually help

your toddler in the long run because she will be much more likely to eat her supper if

you haven’t been feeding her snacks steadily since lunch. You can just say no calmly and

explain that she can have yogurt when it’s snack time. It might take a little while for your

panhandler to adjust but she will. And you won’t be chained to the kitchen.

It Will Help You Be Firm At Mealtimes

It will be far easier for you to allow your child to get up from the dinner table after having

one and-a-half bites of mashed potato and the bun from his hamburger if you know he

will be eating a snack in a couple of hours. Of course, this only works if you’re eating early.

If you eat supper late, there just won’t be time for a snack, and if you have one too close to

dinner the kids will refuse their dinner because they know they get something else in half

an hour. But if you eat early enough it can be a real sanity-saver to just say, “That’s fine. If

you’re full, you’re full.”

Treats vs. Snacks:

It’s important to differentiate between treats and healthy snacks. Many typical snack foods

actually have little nutritional value, such as packaged “fruit snacks” and chocolate-covered

marshmallow granola bars, which are essentially just candy.

An effective way of dealing with treats is the one treat a day rule or the “treats in a jar” rule

so that kids know the limits and don’t get addicted to the idea of sweets.

Treats in a Jar

Decide on an acceptable amount of treats you want your children to have in a day. Between

one and three is a good guideline. At the beginning of each day, let your toddler or

preschooler choose their two treats and put them in a glass jar. Let your children know

45


that it is up to them to decide when they are going to eat their treat. They don’t have to

eat anything beforehand in order to have their treat, and they don’t have to wait until

after dinner. If they want to eat both treats all at once, first thing in the morning, let them.

It’s their treat, and they get to decide when to have it. This way it has nothing to do with

rewards, and it isn’t a power struggle in any way.

One Treat a Day

Four-year-old Charlie loved sweets. From the minute he could talk he asked for sweet

treats all day long. It didn’t really matter what it was. He liked gum, fruit snacks, candy,

chocolate, ice cream, and cookies. If it had a sugary taste, he loved it. In fact, sweets were

the only food that he truly loved. He thought all other “non-sweet” food items were basically

punishment or chores he had to do in order to get his sugar fix.

As he grew older, his love for sweets only increased. His parents tried all kinds of things

to get him to eat “proper foods,” but in their desperate attempt to get him to eat, they were

actually only reinforcing his belief that treats were the end-all, be-all, and all other food was

less appealing.

It truly seemed to his parents like he was an addict for sweets. Only minutes after eating a

Popsicle, he would ask for something else. It was never enough! He always had to ask for

more and more until his frustrated parents became angry and started to yell.

Finally, his parents found the solution they were looking for: the “one treat a day rule.”

They told Charlie that he was allowed to have one treat of his choice every day. He could

have whatever he wanted, and he could eat it whenever he wanted. He did not have to eat

anything first in order to receive his treat, and he could eat it any time of the day.

The first day, he asked for a cookie as soon as he woke up. His mom said he could definitely

have his cookie, but she reminded him that that would be his one treat for the day, and

there would be nothing more until the next day. He said okay and didn’t ask for anything

46


for the rest of the day.

The next day he waited until after his breakfast to ask for his treat, and of course his dad

said yes, again reminding him that this would be his only treat. He didn’t ask for anything

all day.

After a week of this new rule, his parents were amazed! He was making good decisions

about what treat he wanted and saving his treat for just the right time in the day. On day

five his mom picked him up from daycare and was told that Charlie had been offered a

cookie after lunch, but he had said no, that he was going to save his treat for after dinner!

Charlie’s parents were also amazed by how well he began to eat “non-sweet” items. Because

there was no “reward” for eating, unless he chose to have his treat, he ate more. He ate

because he was hungry and knew that nothing was coming afterwards. He even started to

ask for fruits and vegetables at snack time, which he had NEVER done before.

Why this works

Have you ever wondered what causes some people to become addicted to gambling? It’s

because of something called Intermittent Reinforcement. This is the concept that rewards

come randomly and at unexpected intervals that are out of control of the subject. So in

the case of gambling, the rewards do come, but it’s the randomness of it that causes the

addiction. If there was never a reward or if the reward came absolutely every time, there

would be no addiction.

See how this applies to treats? In Charlie’s case, he had no idea when treats would come.

Sometimes when he asked, he received. Other times, he was denied, and sometimes he was

even yelled at by his frustrated Mom and Dad. So in a way, he really was addicted to sweets.

He was addicted to the randomness of the reward.

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Clearing up the issue and setting the limit was all it took to break the addiction. Yes, he still

liked his treats but not in the same insatiable way he used to. He became less preoccupied

with the idea of treats because it was clear to him that he had the power to choose what he

wanted and when.

SNACK SCENARIOS

Toddler

Maria’s two-year-old daughter Lauren was a grazer. She liked to eat constantly all day

and demanded dry Cheerios, granola bars, yogurt, and crackers from her mother at every

opportunity. She would often not eat more than a couple of bites of dinner and lunch and

then would immediately ask for a snack. Because she was so picky and was also small for

her age, Maria had given in and fed Lauren whenever she asked for food, thinking that at

least she was getting something in her.

When Maria decided to take a stand and try to get her daughter to have healthier eating

habits, she noticed a real change. First, she wasn’t as frustrated because she wasn’t constantly

fetching food for her toddler. Second, Lauren ate more at meals because she was hungry!

And when Lauren demanded Cheerios or crackers right after lunch, Maria just calmly told

her that she should have them at snack time. It took a little while for Lauren to realize that

the all-day diner was closed, but when she did, she became much more willing to sit at the

table and eat her meals.

Preschooler:

Four-year-old Ella was used to scheduled snacks but often used them as a way to avoid

eating her dinner. She got a bedtime snack every night at 7 p.m., which was usually only an

hour after dinner ended, so she would just refuse to eat her dinner and then wait until she

got toast and fruit an hour later. Her father Jim was reluctant to cut out the snack because

he was worried that she would go to bed hungry.

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When Jim realized she would never learn to eat her dinner if she could use the snack to

tide her over until breakfast, he put his foot down and told her no more snacks after dinner.

Ella soon became aware that if she didn’t eat dinner, she would feel hungry when she went

to bed. She didn’t like this feeling and started to eat at least something at the evening meal.

School-aged Children

When nine-year-old Ethan got home from school, he was absolutely starved and would

often beg food from the time he walked in the door. His mother Shelly discovered that his

constant consumption of frozen pizza pops and chips and granola bars was affecting his

appetite for a healthy dinner.

Because they ate relatively late—about 6:30— she found that it worked better for him to

have a more substantial meal-type snack when he got home from school. She would make

him a grilled cheese sandwich or a bowl of soup, and it would usually tide him over until

dinner without filling him up with the “snacky” foods.

SAMPLE SNACKS

Toddler

½ apple

cut up ½ cup yogurt

3 graham crackers

Preschooler

5 crackers with melted cheese

Small handful of grapes

Mini carrots

4�


School-aged

3 or 4 rye crisps

Butter

3 or 4 slices ham or turkey

Sliced cheese

Blueberry smoothie

SNACK RECIPES:

Banana Bars A healthy treat—part cookie, part granola bar.

INGREDIENTS:

3 cups quick cooking rolled oats

1 cup shredded coconut

1 cup raisins

½ cup sunflower seeds

½ cup peanuts

½ cup margarine

3 tbsp corn syrup

3 tbsp liquid honey

1 large egg

1 tsp vanilla flavoring

1/3 cup mashed banana

Turn oven to 325 F. Grease a �x 13 inch baking pan.

Combine first five ingredients in a large bowl.

Beat the next six ingredients in a small bowl with an electric mixer on high speed until light

and fluffy. Add banana mixture to oat mixture. Combine well. Spread in the baking pan.

Press down well with your hands. Bake for 50 minutes until firm and golden brown. Cool.

Cut into 36 bars.

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Pizza Pinwheels: Bite-sized pizza treats with dip. Yum!

INGREDIENTS

1 (8 ounce) can refrigerated crescent roll dough

2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

24 slices sliced pepperoni sausage

1 (14 ounce) can pizza sauce

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (1�0 degrees C). On a large baking sheet, pinch the 8

crescent roll dough triangles into 4 rectangles. Layer each rectangle with 6 pepperonis and

even amounts of mozzarella cheese. Roll tightly lengthwise, and slice each into 4 or more

pieces. Bake in the preheated oven 12 minutes or until golden brown. Serve with pizza

sauce for dipping.

“Ants on a Log” Celery Snacks Young kids will love these crunchy treats!

INGREDIENTS

5 stalks celery

½ cup peanut butter

¼ cup raisins

Cut the celery stalks in half. Spread with peanut butter. Sprinkle with raisins.

Sesame Cheese Sticks Perfect for your cheese-lovers.

2 tbsp. Sesame seeds

6 oz. Mozza, cheddar, or Jack cheese, cut into 10 sticks, 3 inches long, ½ inch thick.

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Broil sesame seeds on a shallow baking pan for about three minutes, shaking pan

occasionally, until seeds are golden brown. Cool for a minute.

Microwave cheese sticks uncovered for 6 seconds until warm. Roll cheese in sesame seeds

and chill for 30 minutes.

Ham and Melon Kebabs

Cantaloupe, cut into cubes

Cooked ham, cut into cubes

Alternate ham and melon on wooden bamboo skewers. Serve!

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6chapter

BreakfastA lot of adults are guilty of skipping breakfast, with many of us preferring to grab

a coffee and go. But if we let our kids follow our bad habits, we’re depriving them of the

opportunity to get their day off to a healthy start.

Here’s why:

1. Research shows that breakfast can be the most important meal of the day, especially for

school-aged children. Kids who don’t eat breakfast just don’t perform as well at school and

are often tired and listless, while those who have eaten a hearty breakfast have energy and

are ready to go.

2. Breakfast, if you take the time to serve it, could actually be one of the only meals your

toddler or preschooler will eat without a fuss. For one, their little tummies are empty when

they wake up so they’re more willing to eat, and also, many of the common breakfast foods

are typically foods that young children actually like, such as fruit, yogurt, toast, and cereal

How your family handles the first meal of the day will depend on many factors: the age of

your child, whether you work or stay at home with the kids, and of course, your own child’s

particular hunger patterns. And in keeping with the whole no-pressure approach, we aren’t

suggesting you force your preschooler to choke back a big bowl of oatmeal before he hits the

playground, but by using some of the skills we’ve already outlined you can make breakfast a

painless and enjoyable experience for your child.

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Toddlers

Two-year-old Jason wakes up at 7 a.m. His mother Sarah is a working mom and has to

drop off Jason at daycare in an hour. She sets Jason in his highchair and offers him a sippy

cup with half a cup of milk, a sliced banana, a piece of buttered toast, and several cubes

of cheese. As she drinks her coffee she watches Jason smush the banana slices into this

highchair tray and is just about to tell him to stop when she reminds herself that toddlers

need to touch and experience the relatively new textures of their food. Even if they take a

bite and spit it out, at least they are trying it. Jason eventually eats one cube of cheese and

a bite of toast and demands to be taken out of this chair. Sarah asks him if he is sure that’s

he is full, and he still insists on getting down. Although she wishes he would eat more, she

respects his wishes and takes him out of the chair, reminding him that there will be no

more food until snack time at daycare.

This is a good example of how important it is to respect the child when he says he is hungry

or full. If Sarah had convinced him to have three more bites or cajoled him into eating more,

he would have gotten confused, especially at this age, about what it meant to be hungry or

full. And while young children can get easily distracted and simply not want to eat, it’s still

important for them to be able to trust their own instincts and have their parents trust them,

too. As long as there is going to be food offered again sometime in the near future, even if

Jason wasn’t totally full when he got down from the highchair, he’ll be able to eat his snack

at preschool and will probably eat a lot!

Preschoolers

Three-and-a-half year old Jamie is rushing around playing with his cars as his mother tries

to assemble breakfast for him and his twin six-year-old sisters. She sets out three different

kinds of cereal, a small carton of milk that the twins can easily pour themselves, bowls, and

cups, and then she slices apple and places a large bunch of grapes on a platter. The twins sit

down to eat, but Jamie tells her that he just wants to play. His mother reminds him gently

that they will be going to preschool soon and that there won’t be any other food for a couple

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of hours. She tells him that he can choose his own cereal and fruit.

But Jamie is so absorbed in his play that he tells her he isn’t hungry. Finally, his mother tells

him that he doesn’t have to eat if he isn’t hungry but that he is expected to come and sit at

the table and chat with the family for at least a few minutes. When he reluctantly comes to

sit, he becomes engaged in a conversation with his sisters and eventually reaches out for a

handful of grapes and asks his mother to pour him some cereal.

Notice how the mother eliminated a potential power struggle over food. It could have

been that Jamie was hungry but just didn’t want to sit at the table because he knew it was

expected of him. By his mother taking the pressure off the food and telling him he just had

to sit and be sociable, it allowed him to start eating without feeling like he was doing it as a

favor to Mom.

School-aged children

Nine-year-old Emily is rushing around trying to get ready for school. She is looking for a

library book, swatting at her little brother as he tries to chase her, and calling out to her dad

to ask if he filled out her form for a school swimming trip. Gary, her dad, is in the kitchen

scrambling some eggs and making toast. He sets out her plate of food, pours orange juice,

and then helps her find her library book. But as soon as she sits down with her brother to

eat she remembers that she has soccer after school, and she has to go dig her jersey out of

the laundry basket.

Gary notices that it’s getting close to time to leave and calls out to remind her that they

have to go soon. Emily hollers back from the laundry room that she doesn’t have time to

eat. So Gary picks up her plate, piles the scrambled eggs on top of the toast, and makes a

sandwich. Once they’ve hopped into the car, Gary hands her the sandwich, and Emily takes

it gratefully and eats it on the way to school.

We all have mornings like this, and as long as it isn’t every morning, it’s perfectly okay for a

55


busy child who’s running behind to eat on the way to school. Of course, it’s better if she can

sit and calmly eat her breakfast, but as long as she knows that the common routine is to sit

and eat before going to school, that’s fine.

Breakfast Myths

Some of us have certain ideas about breakfast that may or may not be true….

1. A healthy breakfast should be hot or cooked

Not necessarily. In fact, many parents are just too busy to cook for their kids on weekday

mornings. Fortified cereal, fruit, yogurt, and even cheese and crackers are all perfectly

acceptable and nutritious. If your child does like hot food for breakfast and you’re in a

hurry, instant oatmeal with milk is a good choice, as well as toaster waffles (not Toaster

Strudels or Pop Tarts, which are loaded with sugar). Eggs can be fried or scrambled fairly

quickly. I wouldn’t recommend the pre-cooked bacon and sausage products, which have

high sodium content as well as being full of preservatives.

2. It has to be breakfast food!

Some of us are under the impression that breakfast always consists of hot or cold cereal,

fruit, toast, or bacon and eggs. Not true! In fact, in most Asian countries, breakfast is almost

identical to dinner and lunch, with common choices being rice with vegetables or meat, as

well as soups and curries.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your four-year-old eating a slice of last-night’s pizza

and a glass of milk for breakfast. After all, he’s got the protein, grains, and dairy products

covered. Give him some sliced apple or pear on the side, and he has a perfectly balanced

meal that tastes great.

Other options could be a grilled cheese sandwich, leftover pasta, or cold cuts (ham, chicken,

or turkey) with toast or bread.

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3. The kids have to have milk in their cereal

This may seem like a given, but some parents do worry about this. The simple solution for

parents with kids who only like their cereal dry is to offer them a glass of milk or calcium

fortified orange juice with their breakfast. That way, they’re getting exactly the same

nutrients they would be getting if they ate cereal with milk.

BREAKFAST IDEAS: WHAT TO SERVE

Cold Cereals

When selecting a cold cereal, try not to choose one that lists sugar as a main ingredient. You

can check the nutritional information on the boxes of all brands of cereal, and odds are you

can find one that your kids like that contains the amount of vitamins that you want. Some

of the ones that contain very high daily-recommended vitamin and mineral amounts can be

expensive and not really necessary. Remember, your kids are going to be eating throughout

the day and will have ample opportunity to get the calcium, fiber, iron, etc., that they need.

It doesn’t all have to come from one bowl of cereal.

Hot cereals

Oatmeal is a common favorite, and you can add raisins, cinnamon, brown sugar, berries,

chopped almonds or walnuts, sunflower seeds, and anything else you can think of! If

your child doesn’t like oatmeal, you can try cornmeal, hot rice cereal, hot wheat cereal, or

breakfast blends of several different grains.

Fruit

Sliced apple, pear, banana, orange, pineapple, and melon look attractive when placed on a

plate, and when berries are in season most kids will eat them by the handful. Whatever you

have on hand is great, but if you can offer a couple of choices, even better. You can also serve

a half-grapefruit, and sprinkle a little sugar or honey on it to cut the bitterness. If your child

is not in the mood for sliced fruit, applesauce is another option, but try to avoid the ones

with added sugar. Apples are sweet enough!

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Grains

Toast is a common favorite in the morning. Frozen waffles are also popular, as well as

pancakes, bagels, and croissants. Younger kids really like the mini-bagels, and they are more

appropriate for their size. English muffins with peanut butter and /or jam are a great choice,

and you can even make mini pizzas in the morning by just spreading some tomato paste on

an English muffin and grating some mozzarella cheese on it and popping it in the broiler.

Dairy

Ideally you want to offer a half-cup or its equivalent of dairy to toddlers and preschoolers in

the morning, whether it’s milk, yogurt, or cheese. You can easily blend up a smoothie with

a hand blender, using fresh fruit, yogurt, and a splash of juice, and most kids love the rich,

creamy texture.

Protein

Peanut butter (or almond or cashew) is a good choice for protein, as well as cheese. You

can offer meat at breakfast in the form of sausages or bacon, but for busy families on the

go, these are usually weekend food. Toddlers can have cut-up slices of ham or turkey, and

if you have leftover chicken from the night before, feel free to offer slices to your kids. Eggs

are a good source of protein as well, and there are a million different things you can do with

them! Try scrambling them and putting them in a warm tortilla with some grated cheese.

This is a good option if you have a child on the run.

Toddler

½ cup of milk or calcium-rich orange juice

½ piece of toast with 1 tsp. peanut butter

Small handful of blueberries

¼ cup of yogurt

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Preschooler

½ cup of milk or orange juice

½ cup of cereal

½ sliced pear

2 small slices cheese

1 slice cooked ham or chicken

School-aged

1 cup milk or juice

1 egg, scrambled

1 cup yogurt with berries

Toast and jam

Remember

According to studies, only one in five children eats the recommended five servings a day of

fruits and vegetables, which are essential in providing the vitamins and nutrients for good

health. Most kids like fruit because it is so sweet and tasty, and breakfast is a great time of

day to offer it.

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YUMMY, KID-TESTED BREAKFAST IDEAS!

Peanut Butter and Jam Waffle Sandwiches

4 mini frozen waffles

Peanut butter

Jam

Banana slices

Toast waffles. Then layer waffle with peanut butter, jam, and banana.

Add another waffle on top.

Crispy French Toast

6 bread slices

½ cup milk

2 eggs, beaten

¼ teaspoon sugar

¼ teaspoon cinnamon

1 tablespoon oil

Beat eggs. Add milk, sugar, and cinnamon and mix together. Use a fork to dip each bread

slice into the mixture one at a time. The key here is to dip it in the mixture long enough to

soak well, but not too long, so you avoid breaking it apart.

Cook bread on a hot griddle or skillet over medium heat for 2 to 3 minutes on each side.

Use a potato masher to gently press down, so your French toast is crispy and golden in the

center without burning the crust.

Serves 3.

Suggested toppings: pure maple syrup, creamed honey, and cream cheese.

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Fried Egg Sandwich

2 eggs

2 tablespoons oil

4 slices of toast

ketchup

Toast the bread and set aside. Fry eggs. For quick and easy frying, turn eggs over “sunny side

up.” Slide eggs onto toast and cover with lots of ketchup.

Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal

1 cup water

¼ cup apple juice

1 apple, diced

⅔ cup rolled oats

1 dash cinnamon

1 cup skim milk

Place water, juice, and apples in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil.

Stir in the rolled oats and cinnamon. Return to boil, reduce heat, and simmer until the

porridge is thick.

Serve hot with milk. Serves 1-2, depending on age of the child.

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LUNCH

This is a meal that will vary in style, even more than breakfast. Toddlers and

preschoolers could be at home with Mom or Dad, or they could be at daycare or preschool

for lunch. School-aged children will have packed lunches most days. Luckily, the options for

lunch are endless—anything from a complete home-cooked meal to creative sandwiches to

sushi!

If all has gone well, and your child has eaten breakfast and then had a small snack halfway

between breakfast and lunch, he should be ready for something substantial. Remember,

especially with young children, that you shouldn’t keep offering snacks to your toddler all

morning. He won’t be hungry when he sits down to lunch and is then less likely to eat the

more filling and nutritious foods that you want to offer him.

If you’re child is home for lunch, try to sit with her and eat together. She will be more likely

to sit for longer and even to try new foods if she has your attention, and she sees you eating

the same food you’ve offered her.

Here are some common lunchtime scenarios that might offer some tools for dealing with

tricky situations.

Lunch with toddlers—Don’t stress the mess, but don’t be a pushover, either!

Twenty-month-old Alison had a breakfast of oatmeal and raisins and a glass of juice at

about 7:30 am. About two hours later, her father Bill offered her some crackers and cheese

and a glass of milk. It is now noon, and he has made her some chicken noodle soup and a

toasted bagel.

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Alison sits in her highchair and picks the noodles out of her soup with her fingers, putting

them in her mouth from time to time but most often spitting them right out. Bill doesn’t

comment as he sits besides her eating his own lunch. But after a minute, Alison suddenly

dumps her bowl upside down and starts splashing the soup. When he tells her this is not

okay and turns the bowl upright, she tosses her bagel on the ground. He remains calm and

tells her, “Alison, it seems like you aren’t hungry anymore. Do you want to get down?” She

nods, and he lets her out of the highchair. When Alison comes to him a couple of minutes

later and demands her soup, he reminds her that she dumped it out and said that she wasn’t

hungry. He also tells her that she will have to wait until snack time to eat again but that she

is welcome to have more soup then if she wants.

Bill did a lot of things right in this potentially frustrating situation. After all, Alison didn’t

eat much at all, she made a mess, and she threw her food on the ground! But her father

remained calm and although he didn’t condone her behavior, he realized that she was

trying to tell him something; she just wasn’t using words. With a young child, although it is

important that you let them explore textures and use their fingers with their food, they are

also old enough to know the difference between exploring and just “playing” with their food,

as Alison was doing. This was a clear indication that she wasn’t really hungry and that she

was looking for something to amuse herself with.

Lunch with Preschoolers—Remember to listen when they say they aren’t hungry.

Jill picks up her four-year-old son Kai from preschool at 11:30 and brings him home. She

prepares his lunch as she usually does when he gets home from school, knowing he will

be hungry after having only a light snack halfway through the morning. But when she sits

down with Kai at the table, he just pokes at his grilled cheese sandwich and doesn’t even

nibble on his carrot sticks. Jill restrains herself from pressing Kai to eat his lunch, knowing

he will eat if he is hungry. Instead, she starts to ask him about his day. He tells her he had

fun at school and that it was the birthday of one of his classmates and that her mother had

brought in cake for the whole class. This explains why Kai is so full, and after he gets up

from the table to go play she sets his lunch aside. She can warm it up in an hour or so when

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he’s ready for it.

It’s important to have structure in regard to feeding toddlers and preschoolers, but it’s

equally important to realize that things happen that will alter this structure from time to

time. This is not a case where Jill should have told Kai that he would not be able to eat until

the next snack time because his schedule had been put off by an outside influence and that

is totally fine!

Lunch with School-aged children—Know what to serve.

For about a week now, seven-year-old Eva’s father Tom has emptied her lunch bag to find

that she hadn’t touched her sandwich or fruit but that she had eaten her granola bars and

crackers. He had been noticing that she was starving when she came home and often tired

and irritable. When he asked her why she wasn’t eating the main parts of her lunch, she

told him that she just wanted to play at lunch and that she didn’t want to spend the whole

time eating. So she just grabbed what was fastest. It didn’t escape Tom that what she was

grabbing were the less healthy parts of her lunch, instead opting for the more treat-like

snack foods. He told her that she needed to start eating her sandwiches as well and she

reluctantly agreed, but over the next few days he noticed she was still only eating the “treats.”

The solution was simple enough. He started to pack ONLY sandwiches, yogurt, fruit, and

vegetables in her lunch. If she were hungry, she would have to eat them

Tom was exercising his parental right to be the one to decide what and when Eva ate. And

although he couldn’t be at school to make sure she sat down and took the time to eat, he

could decide what to put in her lunch. Even though she was used to having crackers and

chips and granola bars in her lunch, when faced with the option of going hungry or eating

her tuna sandwich, she ate the tuna sandwich!

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Number #1 Lunch Myth

No, lunch does not have to always consist of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the

crusts cut off and a side of carrots and celery sticks! There are many, many other tasty and

nutritious options, even for bag lunches. So get creative!

Sandwiches

Okay, we all know the usual ham and cheese, plain cheese, tuna, etc., on white or brown

bread. Here are some bread alternatives for more interesting lunches.

Pita bread is perfect for stuffing with your favorite fillings, and you can choose from a

variety of pitas, including white, whole wheat, sesame, flax, and so on. Younger kids will

enjoy just a little butter and some shredded cheese and lettuce or ham or turkey. Older kids

can try egg salad, cold cuts, tuna, salmon, and just about anything else you can think of!

Flour tortillas are also great. Just spread a single tortilla with cream cheese or mayo and add

whatever you’d like: lettuce, sprouts, cucumber slices, tomatoes, sandwich meat, even refried

beans and cheese, and then roll it up. You can cut it in half or into small pieces.

You can also use croissants, bagels, rolls, ciabbatta buns, and sub buns. And if your child

prefers the old standard of plain bread, you can use cookie cutters to cut the sandwiches.

Young kids love the fun shapes and might be more willing to try new fillings that they’re

usually wary of.

Sandwich Alternatives

Okay, for parents whose kids are utterly fed up sandwiches altogether, here are a few easy

and nutritious options.

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1. Easy pizza: Just split an English muffin, and spread each side with tomato paste or pizza

sauce. Then add some ham or any other meat your child likes, and sprinkle cheese on top

and pop in the oven. It takes minutes, and if you want to put them in a lunch box for later,

they still taste great, even when they’re cold.

2. Quesadillas: Spread refried beans on a whole-wheat tortilla and sprinkle cheese over top.

Place another tortilla on top, and fry on both sides until heated through. Slice into quarters

and you’re all set!

3. Hard-boiled eggs that the child can peel himself.

4. Warm and hearty soup! Chicken, tomato, vegetable, miso, bean…The possibilities are

endless. This works for school-aged children, too; just pour into a thermos.

SAMPLE LUNCH MENUS:

Toddler:

½ cup of milk or fruit juice

1 cup chicken noodle soup

½ grilled cheese sandwich with ketchup for dipping

Small bowl of frozen peas (most toddlers love them!)

Preschooler:

½ cup milk or fruit juice

Tortilla roll sandwich with cream cheese and cucumber

Green and red pepper sticks with ranch dip

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School-aged packed lunch:

2 pieces English muffin pizza with cheese, ham, and mushrooms

Small bunch green grapes

Mini carrots

Small bag of homemade popcorn and butter

1 chewy granola cookie (see recipe below)

Still stuck for ideas? Here are some more tasty lunch recipes to try on your kids.

PBJ Tortilla roll

INGREDIENTS

1 whole-wheat tortilla

Tbsp. peanut butter (or almond or cashew)

1 tbsp. jam

Just spread peanut butter and jam onto the tortilla and roll it up. Cut in small pieces. Kids

will love the pretty spiral swirl!

Tropical Grilled Cheese

INGREDIENTS

2 slices bread

Cheddar, Mozza, or Monterey Jack cheese

1 slice deli ham

1 pineapple ring

Layer cheese, ham, and pineapple ring on slice of bread. Then add more cheese. Place other

slice of bread on top, butter it, and cook it butter side down on medium heat until golden.

Butter the other side and flip until cheese is melted.

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Veggie Dogs in a Blanket:

INGREDIENTS

1 package refrigerated “wiener wrap” dough

Veggie or tofu dogs

Cheese (optional)

Mustard and ketchup for dipping

Separate dough into individual pieces. Place a veggie dog in the center of each piece of

dough, and sprinkle a little cheese on top. Then roll it up, and bake as directed on package.

They’re even tasty when they’re cold, and you can put a little ketchup in a plastic container

for dipping.

Cold Pasta Salad

INGREDIENTS

Fresh cheese-filled tortellini

Diced cucumber with peel

Small tomato, diced

Diced red pepper

Salt

Pepper

Bring water and salt to a boil. Add tortellini, and cook for amount of time stated on

package. Drain and rinse with cold water until cool. Combine pasta with remaining

ingredients, cover with plastic wrap, and chill for 30 minutes to bring out flavors. Makes 3 _

cups.

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Roast Beef and Cream Cheese Pita

INGREDIENTS

Whole-wheat pita

Cream cheese, plain or herb

Thinly sliced roast beef

Lettuce or sprouts

Cut pita in half; spread each side with cream cheese. Add roast beef and lettuce.

Chewy Granola Cookies These are a great alternative to granola bars, which have a lot of sugar and oil in them, and

they work great in packed lunches for school or daycare.

INGREDIENTS:

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup butter

1/4 cup orange juice

2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 egg

1 cup granola cereal

1/2 cup raisins

1/2 cup quick cooking rolled oats

PREPARATION

In a large mixing bowl, measure flour, sugar, butter, orange juice, baking powder, cinnamon,

6�


baking soda, salt, and egg. With electric mixer at low speed, beat ingredients until well

blended, scraping bowl occasionally.

Stir in granola, raisins, and oats.

Drop dough onto greased cookie sheet with teaspoon, about 2 inches apart. Smooth

mounds slightly with fingers. Bake at 350° for 15 to 20 minutes until lightly browned.

Remove to rack with spatula and let cool completely. Store in tightly covered container for

up to 1 week.

Makes about 3 dozen granola cookies

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8chapter

DinnerH ere’s the bad news: Unfortunately, dinner can prove to be the most difficult

meal for parents with young children. First, many kids are tired by that time of day, so they

are not likely to be happy about sitting down to eat a formal meal and are even less likely

to be willing to experiment with new foods. Second, “dinner food” is what tends to be the

biggest problem for little ones. Most kids like, at least, some parts of the breakfast / lunch

menu: fruit, toast, cereal, yogurt, or grilled cheese sandwiches; the trickier foods are things

like lasagna and meatloaf and chicken and gravy! Third, if you’re having a family-style sit-

down dinner, which is what most experts recommend, there is more structure, especially

if this is the only meal that the entire family sits down together for. This can put pressure

on young children to behave and use their table manners, and we all know that this kind of

pressure can have the opposite desired effect.

Although it sounds impossible, and it often feels that way, the good news is that there are

some simple solutions that can make your dinner with the kids a pleasant experience. (It’s

true!)

1: Fighting Fatigue

It’s a good idea to eat dinner as early as possible, and as far away from bedtime as possible,

because if you’re trying to feed your child twenty minutes before she usually goes to bed,

she’s probably not in the mood to cooperate! Also, make sure that your kids have had their

late afternoon snacks and aren’t so hungry that they’re frantic and acting out by the time

dinner is on the table. In short, it will save you a lot of arguing and tantrums if your kids are

ready to eat and not ready for bed!

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2. The “Dinner Food” Problem

Okay, this can be a tricky one. But in keeping with the plan to get your child to start eating

new foods, serving cereal and peanut butter sandwiches every night is not an option. If

you’ve been making four separate meals for all your kids for dinner for the past few years,

you probably know by this point in the book that it’s time to stop!

However, you can give the kids a break by easing them into new foods. If your four-year-old

has been eating chicken nuggets and plain pasta every night, it’s probably not a great idea to

start off the new plan with fried liver and onions and a side of creamed spinach. Try more

neutral flavors and ease into the spicier, messier foods and sauces.

3. The Family Meal (Yet Again!)

Yes, it is more work to sit down at a table with your four-year-old and six-year-old as they

complain about the food you made, throw things at each other, try to pinch each other

under the table, spill their milk across your clean tablecloth, and interrupt you every time

you try to ask your spouse how his/her day was. And yes, it would be easier to sit them in

front of Dora the Explorer with some frozen fish sticks and fries, a juice box, and a pudding

pop. However—I can’t stress enough how important it is for your family to eat dinner

together whenever possible.

If the children are very young and have an early bedtime, it just might not work for

everyone to eat together if one parent doesn’t get home until 7:00 p.m. or later. In these

cases, make it a point to eat together whenever you can, even if it’s just on the weekends. If

one parent works a late shift somewhere and you have preschoolers, try to have a sit-down

lunch instead.

Your children will not learn to try new foods if they don’t have you as an example, nor will

they learn how to conduct themselves when they’re out at restaurants or at other people’s

houses. Also, studies have shown that children who eat with their families are more secure,

are less likely to be overweight, and are even less likely to experiment with drugs, cigarettes,

and alcohol when they’re in their teens. It might seem hard to believe, but it makes sense.

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Taking the time to be together for that one hour a day can make all the difference in the

world in a busy family.

So even though it’s difficult when your children are younger, it will pay off in the end, and

even younger children benefit from the extra attention they get at the table. If you keep

it light and be reasonable about table manners without making them feel like their every

move is being watched, and you don’t pressure them to eat—even if you feel like panicking

when your two-year-old eats two kernels of corn and a bite of bread for dinner—this is an

excellent chance for your family to grow stronger.

IMPORTANT TIP

Plan, plan, plan!

Every parent is busy. Whether you’re a stay-at-home single mom with one kid or working

parents with three kids, the job can be overwhelming, and cooking can seem like a stressful

chore. Planning can take the headache out of meal preparation for busy families. If you

know exactly what meal you’re going to make on what night, you won’t be scrambling

around the kitchen at five-thirty looking for something to serve your family. And if you plan

for meals that are easy to prepare, you will save yourself time and energy!

If you’re not so good at figuring out what to make or you’ve run out of ideas, there are

website menu planning services that will plan a weekly menu and give you a shopping

list with everything you will need. These services commonly cost between three and five

dollars a month, and if you don’t have too many food allergies or aversions, this can to be

an invaluable service. There are often vegetarian options as well as heart healthy, low carb,

and even low cost. Here are a couple to try. They offer a free sample menu so you can get the

idea.

www.savingdinner.com

www.dinnerplanner.com

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If you don’t want to let somebody else plan for you, just take a bit of time once a week to

come up with five or six meal ideas, and then make up your grocery list and try to get it all

in one shop. You’ll save yourself time and stress, and you won’t have to even think about

what to serve until the next planning session!

Now that you have some tips on creating the best setting for your family meal, here are

some dinnertime scenarios that illustrate common problems you may have run into.

Toddlers: Stay Firm!

Eighteen-month-old Jesse was used to eating the same thing every night: plain macaroni

with butter. He would rarely try anything new, and his parents, Diana and Scott, had gotten

used to making his food and then making a separate meal for the rest of the family. When

they finally were ready to stop catering to Jesse and offer him foods he wasn’t familiar with,

he wasn’t too happy about it!

One night Dianna served baked chicken and mashed potatoes and peas. She knew that

Jesse would refuse all of these foods, so she also put a basket of rolls on the table, which

she was pretty sure Jesse would have if he didn’t eat anything else. When she served dinner

and the family sat down, Jesse instantly demanded his macaroni. Scott firmly but gently

reminded him that he would be eating what the rest of the family was eating. Jesse looked

down at his plate and howled. He did not want to eat it. Diana and Scott remained calm

and asked Jesse about his day and with whom he had played at daycare etc. After awhile

Jesse realized his parents were not going to get him his special dinner, and he asked to get

down from the table. His parents reminded him that there was no food until breakfast and

then let him down.

After a couple of weeks of sticking to the program, Jesse started to try the foods on his

plate because he knew he had no other choice. And his parents always made sure there was

at least one food on the table that he would like, so even if he ate a bun and two bites of

meatloaf, they were happy.

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It’s a long and sometimes slow process, but you will see results! Hang in there.

Preschoolers: Creative Planning for Busy Families

Rick and Tina, parents to four-year-old Callum and his younger sister Amy, both worked.

The kids were at daycare until five o’clock every day, and after their parents picked them up

it was still a twenty-minute drive home, so they often weren’t at home until 5:30. By then

everyone was tired and hungry, and the kids were ready for bed by 7:00. The only way for

family dinners to work was for Rick and Tina, the parents, to have planned out the meals

ahead of time. Every Sunday, Tina or Rick would sit down and plan out the menu for the

week and do all the necessary shopping. Using websites and cookbooks that had “meals in

under thirty minutes” options, they were able to work out exactly what they needed. They

also planned for takeout twice a week and picked it up on their way home.

When they came in the door, one parent would tend to the kids and get them ready to eat,

helping them wash hands etc., while the other parent would prepare the recipe they had

planned for that evening. This way they could be sitting down to dinner by a little after six,

with plenty of time to go before the kids needed to get ready for bed.

School-aged Child: The Importance of Table Manners

Jamie was ten and at least twenty-five pounds overweight. His parents were extremely

worried about Jamie because he hardly ever ate anything healthy and would fill up on snack

foods all day long.

Even the lunch his mom packed him for school would often come back uneaten.

When Jamie came to the supper table, his behavior made everyone miserable. He would

pout and complain about what was being served and would ask for a grilled cheese

sandwich. His mother was always worried that Jamie didn’t get enough healthy food, so she

would jump up from the table and make him his sandwich.

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Eventually frustrated by this scenario, she began to refuse to make Jamie the sandwich, and

rest of the family would then have to listen to Jamie whine and complain about not being

hungry.

He would leave the table after many threats that he would not get a treat later in the

evening. Jamie knew theses threats were idle and as soon as the supper dishes were cleared

up, he would be in the cupboards looking for chips.

So his parents shifted the focus of dinnertime and started to talk about table manners.

They said that Jamie did not have to eat anything on his plate if he didn’t want to but

when he was ready to leave, he needed to ask to be excused from the table because that was

considered polite table manners. In fact, this rule applied to everyone, including his mom

and dad. He was not allowed to whine or complain because this was considered bad table

manners and would not be accepted. If this behavior continued, he would be asked to leave

the table and would not be allowed to return.

Of course, Jamie was used to idle threats from his parents and shortly after they sat down

to dinner, he began to complain. He father said, “Jamie, that is bad table manners, and

you need to leave the table now.” Jamie couldn’t believe his ears, but his father repeated his

statement three more times before Jamie got the message and left the table. He went to his

room and threw a tantrum but his mom and dad stayed strong.

The next night Jamie turned his nose up at dinner and was about to complain. He was

gently reminded about good table manners and quickly closed his mouth. He didn’t eat

anything and in a very pouty voice he asked to be excused from the table.

Jamie’s parents also created a “one treat a day” rule. If Jamie didn’t eat any supper and if he

had already had his treat, he was not allowed anything more until the next day.

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Now, of course, Jamie whined and had various tantrums about not being allowed to snack

in the evening, but his parents stayed strong. They began to notice that Jamie was eating

more of his supper, especially when he knew he has already had his treat for the day.

Over the next few months, dinnertime was no longer the dreaded event of the day, and the

family was enjoying more pleasant dinnertimes. Jamie was eating more healthy foods and

had lost ten pounds since he was no longer snacking all day.

DINNER “WHAT IFS”

What if my toddler….

Continues to refuse new foods and only eats the bread that’s offered at dinner every night?

Hang in there! Remember, if your little one is used to being catered to, it might take a while

to really make him realize that you aren’t about to hop up and make him something special.

If he seems perfectly content with the bread, try mixing it up a little and offering a different

“safe” food every night.

Doesn’t eat a thing at dinner and then tells me she’s hungry at bedtime?

This can be difficult because the truth is she probably is hungry if she didn’t eat dinner! You

can calmly explain that dinnertime is over and the kitchen is closed but that she can have

a big breakfast in the morning. It won’t take her long to realize that dinnertime is her last

chance to eat before bed.

Only eats three kernels of corn and then asks for his “one treat a day”?

Simple…give it to him! That’s the deal you made…that he could have it anytime he wants

over the course of the day, and if he wants to save it for dinnertime, that’s fine.

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Goes for days without eating much of anything?

This is very common with young children who are known to go through hunger spurts and

then periods where they seem to be surviving on air. Ride it out, keep offering nutritious

foods, and don’t panic! If your child generally seems lethargic and isn’t eating for a

prolonged period of time, he may be feeling under the weather, and you might want to take

him in to get checked. But if he has lots of energy and is his usual self, there’s no cause for

concern.

SAMPLE MENUS:

Toddler:

½ cup milk or water

½ cup spaghetti with meat sauce

¼ cup steamed carrots

½ slice garlic toast

Preschooler:

½ cup milk or water

¾ cup rice

½ cup teriyaki-style chicken breast, cut into pieces

3 pieces steamed broccoli

School-aged child:

1 cup milk or water

3 thin slices roast beef

1 cup mashed potatoes

½ cup mixed peas and corn

gravy

Okay, now it’s time for some quick and easy recipes for families on the go. Happy eating!

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YUMMY TURKEY BURGERS Ready in 30 minutes

Serves 6

INGREDIENTS

1 _ pounds ground turkey

2 tbls. seasoned bread crumbs

2 tbls. finely diced onion

1 egg whites, lightly beaten

2 tbls. chopped fresh parsley

½ clove garlic, peeled and minced

½ teaspoon salt

⅛ teaspoon ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS

1. In a large bowl, mix ground turkey, seasoned breadcrumbs, onion, egg whites, parsley,

garlic, salt, and pepper. Form into 6 patties.

2. Cook the patties in a medium skillet over medium heat, turning once, to an internal

temperature of 180 degrees F (85 degrees C).

7�


CHEESY BEEF ENCHILADAS Ready in 45 minutes

Serves 5-7

INGREDIENTS

1 pound lean ground beef

1 small onion, chopped

1 (1.5 ounce) package dry enchilada sauce mix

10 (10 inch) flour tortillas

2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

1 (2.25 ounce) can sliced black olives, drained

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). In a medium skillet over medium high

heat, cook the ground beef and onion until beef is evenly browned and onion is tender.

2. Prepare the enchilada sauce according to package directions. Pour _ cup of the sauce into

the bottom of a �x13 inch-baking dish.

3. On each flour tortilla, place an equal portion of the ground beef mixture and about one

ounce of cheddar cheese, reserving at least _ cup of cheese. Then tightly roll the tortillas and

place seam side down in the baking dish.

4. Pour the remaining sauce over the top of the enchiladas, and sprinkle with the remaining

cheese and olives.

Bake in a preheated oven for 20 minutes or until the sauce is bubbly and cheese is

thoroughly melted.

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HAWAIIAN CHICKEN Ready in 30 minutes

Serves 4

INGREDIENTS

4 (4 ounce) boneless, skinless chicken breast halves

1 tablespoon all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

2 (8 ounce) cans pineapple chunks

1 teaspoon cornstarch

1 tablespoon honey

1 tablespoon reduced sodium teriyaki sauce

⅛ teaspoon pepper

Hot cooked rice

DIRECTIONS

1. Flatten the chicken to _ inch thickness. Place flour in a large resealable plastic bag; add

chicken and shake to coat. In a skillet over medium heat, brown chicken in oil for 3-5

minutes on each side or until juices run clear. Remove and keep warm. Drain pineapple,

reserving _ cup juice. (Discarding remaining juice or save for another use.) In a small bowl,

combine cornstarch and reserved juice until smooth. Add to skillet. Stir in honey, teriyaki

sauce, and pepper. Boil for 30 seconds or until thickened. Add pineapple and chicken; heat

through. Serve over rice.

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TORTELLINI BAKE Ready in 30 minutes

Serves 6

INGREDIENTS

1 (� ounce) package cheese tortellini

1 (24 ounce) jar marinara sauce

1 (16 ounce) jar Alfredo sauce

1 (10 ounce) box frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry

1 tablespoon dried Italian seasoning

1 (8 ounce) package shredded mozzarella cheese

¼ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

1 teaspoon dried Italian seasoning

DIRECTIONS

1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook according to

package directions. Drain. Adjust oven rack to the highest position and turn oven on to

broil. Generously butter or grease an 8x8 inch-baking dish.

2. Bring marinara and Alfredo sauces along with spinach and 1 tablespoon of Italian

seasoning to a simmer over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer

for 10 minutes. Stir cooked tortellini into sauce, and then pour into prepared baking dish.

Sprinkle with mozzarella cheese, Parmesan cheese, and remaining 1 teaspoon Italian

seasoning.

3. Broil for a minute or two until cheese has melted and turned golden brown

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CONCLUSIONHere’s to a Healthy Future!

When I decided to write this book, I chose to be completely honest about my experiences

so I could help others. I also wanted to include real-life stories from parents who have dealt

with some of the problems you may have encountered. Sometimes just knowing that other

families are facing similar issues is helpful. You are not alone!

Now that you know proven strategies for developing healthy eating habits, you can rest

assured that your child will get the proper nutrition he or she needs. As parents, we often

worry that we aren’t doing the right thing for our children, but toddlers’ bodies are precisely

calibrated to take in the necessary number of calories they need to grow and thrive. Our

job is just to make sure they get the right kinds of calories.

If you bought this book to learn healthy tips and strategies for future reference, you can

avoid some of the pitfalls that many of us have encountered. Develop nutritious routines

before the battle begins, and dinner time will be a pleasant experience for everyone.

If you are already frustrated and at the end of your rope…relax. The solution is now within

your reach. We realize that each situation is as individual as the child, so you may need to

adapt some of the techniques to work for your unique circumstance. Regardless of your

approach, consistency is the key to success.

Remember: You’re breaking unhealthy habits today and replacing them with behaviors that

will ensure a healthy future for your child.

Will your toddler try to buck the new system? Probably. You can expect some resistance at

first but be firm.

Will she whine or cry and demand her own way? You can count on it.

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Should you allow him to make decisions that will affect his nutritional requirements? No

way. While a child’s growing body will determine how much caloric intake he needs, what

he gets and how he gets it is still in your hands.

Most importantly, have confidence in your ability to make a change for the better and know

that consistency, good health, and love are the best gifts you can give your child.

Good luck and best wishes for a healthy future!

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