feelings and emotions what are feelings and emotions?€¦ · for example, remember when you did a...

Micaela Connolly, Psychologist, BOC (South Lee) 1

Feelings and Emotions

What are feelings and emotions?

A feeling is a reaction in our mind /thoughts to things that happen. An emotion is

how our mind and body react to things that happen. Animals and humans developed

feelings to help us survive in our environment. Everyone has feelings. They are a

really important part of us and they are there all the time. We all have feelings;

sometimes these are good feelings, and sometimes these are bad feelings.

Feelings happen in the mind and the body. When we are in a bad mood, we usually

have more negative thoughts and our body probably feels low on energy.


When we are in a good mood, we usually have more positive thoughts and we

probably feel energetic.

Cycle of Feelings

We can see the way we experience feelings as a cycle which goes round like a

wheel.

For example, remember when you did a job well. You

thought: “I can really do this” (positive thought), you

felt proud and happy (positive feeling) and you had a

good feeling in your body associated with pride. You

will probably do this job well again the next time which

will give you confidence you always do the job well

(behaviour).

Thoughts

create

Feelings

Feelings

create

Behaviour

Behaviour

makes

Thoughts

stronger

Behaviour

makes

thoughts

stronger


Now remember someone said something

unkind to you. You thought: “That really hurt”;

you felt sad and maybe angry; you had feelings

in your body associated with sadness and

anger. You will probably avoid this person in

future.

Why do we need feelings?

Human beings have always had feelings. They help us survive. Understanding

dangers or chances in the environment helps us make sure our basic needs are

satisfied: if we feel hungry, we eat. If we are startled, we feel fright. When we

feel fright, we usually have a fight or flight (hitting out or running away) response.

What is the fight or flight response?

The fight or flight response is a good example of how feelings keep us safe. It

also shows how feelings are expressed in our minds and bodies and in the sense

you have of what you are feeling. The emotion of fear is very much involved.

Years ago, human beings lived very different lives to the lives that we live today.

People lived with a lot of uncertainty and had to hunt for their dinner. People lived

amongst wild animals and had to be able to defend themselves.


Our bodies are designed to react to different situations to keep us safe. When

our ancestors were startled by an angry bear or lion, their body would get ready

to fight the animal or run away from it.

In a new or strange situation where a really quick decision needs to be made, our

instinct takes over. While the mind quickly thinks about this situation, the emotion

/ feeling of fear very quickly takes over the body. Our brain sends extra energy

directly to the limbs, lungs and heart to make sure they are able to act efficiently

to either fight or run away.

Most people live very different lives these days. Hunting for pizza isn’t a very

dangerous activity! The world has changed but our bodies have stayed the same.

We still have feelings and our bodies react the same way to them.


These days, there are very different things that make us feel the fight or flight

response – it could be:

Someone changing your plans without telling you.

Feeling confused and not knowing what to do.

Getting lost.

Preparing for exams and worrying about doing well.

Having to speak in front of other people.

Trying to make new friends.

When somebody is annoying you.

When someone is telling you bad news.

Because we find these things difficult, or even scary, our bodies think that we are

in danger. We feel fear, so our mind and body respond just like in caveman days.

This is why our bodies might feel a little different when we are stressed or afraid

or anxious. These feelings are all related to fear. Our bodies experience a rush of

energy. This rush of energy can be seen in different ways in different people. It

might:

Make our heart beat faster

Make us breathe quicker

Make our palms sweaty

Make us feel dizzy

Make us feel shaky

Our mouth might go dry

Makes our muscles tense

Makes our stomach tingle

Make our eyes go wide


These experiences are unpleasant but they are normal and natural. They show us

that our body is working hard to keep us safe.

We need to learn how to trick our body into thinking that the ‘bear’ has run away

and the danger is gone. We can learn how to make our bodies into feeling just

right. We can make our bodies experience the Relaxation Response (this is the

opposite of the fight or flight response). Something like belly breathing brings

down our energy levels to a more comfortable level and helps us feel just right.

Some people use exercise or deep pressure or movement or talking to someone

else to help them feel better.

If you find it difficult to relax in a situation, it is worth remembering that

feelings always pass after a while. No one ever stays stuck in a feeling. The

feeling line below illustrates a feeling happening, reaching its peak and then fading

away.

A feeling line might look like this:

Start finish

Even if you are very angry or sad, or shocked, or nervous, you will always feel a bit

better after a while.

Feeling frightened is an unpleasant feeling, but it can be useful. If

we have an exam or test coming up, we will study because we are

afraid of failing. It is hard to motivate ourselves to study if we

aren’t a bit anxious or fearful of failing.


Feelings in the body

We feel emotions in our bodies. Scientists have shown that most of us feel our

emotions in our bodies just where everyone else feels their emotions. Most of us

feel anger in our heads and our hearts, most of us feel anxiety in our stomachs.

What if I don’t ‘feel’ feelings in my body?

Some people find it hard to know where feelings happen in their body. They may

find it hard to know when they are hungry or thirsty or anxious or sad. Our sense

of ‘interoception’ tells us what is happening in our body but it can be

undersensitive or oversensitive. We can learn how to tell what we are feeling in

our bodies with practice. Go to page 16 to find out more…

http://www.google.ie/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiAsb-tv4jLAhVBhA8KHc7nBGcQjRwIBw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.natureworldnews.com%2Farticles%2F5483%2F20131231%2Fnew-study-maps-where-in-the-body-feelings-are-experienced.htm&psig=AFQjCNHp04go42jt7ErMCVMT0j3I8cs72A&ust=1456131675969133


Feelings in the mind

When we have emotions in our minds, we call them thoughts. We can have negative

thoughts and positive thoughts. We can have neutral thoughts. Remember the

feelings cycle: the way we think can affect how we feel and behave.

Inner coach

The inner coach is like a helpful inner voice. Our nice, positive thoughts help us to

feel good about ourselves. Some people call these green thoughts. They help us to

be calm and happy.

Inner critic

The inner critic is like an often unhelpful and negative inner voice. Negative

thoughts make us feel bad about ourselves. Some people call these red thoughts.

Mostly we should try to ignore negative thoughts because they aren’t true.

Sometimes, however, negative thoughts can be helpful. If we feel guilty and

ashamed about something wrong that we did, these uncomfortable thoughts might

help us not to make the same mistake again. We can call these guilty thoughts

yellow thoughts. They are like a warning to be careful not to repeat a mistake.


Feelings in behaviour

We express our feelings through behaviour. When we are happy, we look happy

and we behave in a positive way. We have energy and we are more fun to be with.

Maybe we are kinder to others and more tolerant. Maybe we want to spend more

time with other people or doing things we like.

When we are sad, we look sad and we

behave in a negative way. We usually

want to be on our own. We sometimes

feel tired and want to do nothing. We

often stop doing things we like doing or

we just do the same thing over and again.

When we are angry, we look angry and behave in an angry

way. Some people shout and break things. Some people hurt

other people. We often feel we are out of control. Maybe

afterwards we are very sorry and this guilt makes us feel

worse.

When we are worried, we usually look worried. We

often think everything is going wrong and

everything is a disaster. Our bodies often feel

like we’re having a fight or flight response. We

sometimes try to stay away from things that

make us anxious. We might not want to go places

or be with other people.


Why do we have so many feelings?

We have a lot of different types of feelings and there are lots of names for

them. We have pleasant (happy, joyful, proud) and unpleasant feelings (angry,

guilty, worried, shocked, sad) and some feelings that are more neutral (calm,

indifferent). We can have strong feelings (mad, ecstatic, terrified) and weaker

feelings (surprised, pleased, irritated). Sometimes we can have a number of

feelings at once, for example, we might feel sad and angry at the same time.

Feelings and emotions are the things that encourage us to take care of ourselves.

They help us to know what we like and what we don’t like; what is good for us and

what is bad for us. They help us to make choices. If we understand our own

feelings and emotions, we can learn to manage them better. When we understand

these feelings and emotions in ourselves, we can also understand these feelings

and emotions in others. This will help us to get on better in life. Using a strategy

like the Zones of Regulation (Kuyper, 2012) can help us get to understand and

manage our feelings better.


What happens if my feelings are too big and I can’t control them?

Some feelings are really difficult and we usually want to avoid them if at all

possible. We probably don’t even want to talk about negative feelings. But, we all

have good and bad feelings are so we need to understand them better and learn

how to manage them.

Sometimes we can learn to make very

big feelings smaller by learning more

about them.

Some big feelings should really be

smaller feelings.

For example, lots of people are frightened of flying in a plane, even though very

few people die in plane crashes. Lots of people are frightened of dogs, even

though very few dogs bite people. Lots of people are frightened of speaking in

public. Nobody dies or gets bitten because of speaking in public, but it is still

scary for some people. People often get special help to get over their fear of

flying or dogs or fear of public speaking. This helps them to make the big feelings

manageable.


Knowing the thoughts, physical sensations, situations, or events that affect your

feelings can help you prepare yourself to manage your feelings.

What are triggers?

Feelings can be caused by things outside us and things inside us. These triggers

can affect how we feel. Everyone is different and people can have similar triggers

or different triggers.

An example of something outside us that causes a feeling

may be when someone gives us a present of something we

wanted and we feel happy.

An example of something inside us that

causes a negative feeling may be thinking

we are going to fail an upcoming exam which

makes us worried and stressed.

Bodily sensations like pain, hunger, feeling wiggly, or feeling relaxed can affect

how we are thinking and feeling.


Tick the triggers that are stressful:

Not getting enough sleep

Someone teasing me

Noise

Crowds

Talking to lots of people

Answering a question in class

Losing a game

Making a mistake

Getting lost

New foods

Making choices

Being told off my the teacher

Insects

Looking stupid

Strong smells

Going to hospital

Going to the dentist

Going on holidays

New teacher

High places

Thunderstorms

Being last

Germs

Exams

Homework

Waiting in a queue

Thinking about the future

Other things that make me

stressed_________________


I can’t tell what I’m feeling. How can I learn all this?

Sometimes we don’t know exactly what we are feeling. But we need to learn about

these feelings, so we can try to feel better. If we stay confused about our

feelings, it is harder to help ourselves feel better. Sometimes we need to use

clues to tell us what is going on. This takes some time and practice but is one of

the most important life skills we will learn.

Think about the thoughts you are having. Are your thoughts

sad or happy or worried? This might give you a clue. If you

are having a certain type of thought, you are probably having

the associated feeling.

Get to know how feelings

affect your body. When

you have a pain in your

stomach, is it hunger or

worry? The fight or

flight response will give

you a clue that you are

feeling fear or worry or

anger.


Get to know the events and situations that trigger different feelings. What

makes you happy? What makes you sad? What makes you angry? How do you feel

when you are tired or bored?

I know what I’m feeling but I can’t control it

We can’t always control what we are feeling but we can do something about most

feelings.

You can practice ‘catching yourself’ before a feeling gets too big. Learn your

triggers and have a plan to stop yourself losing control.

Have a plan to mind yourself in different situations where you might feel

overwhelmed. Knowing what calms you might help.


Calming strategies

Calming strategies involve thinking and doing

Thinking strategies

These strategies include talking to ourselves in our heads. We

can use our inner coach to say ‘I’ll be okay’, ‘I can do this’, ‘I’ll do

something to help calm me’, ‘is this a big problem or a small

problem?’ ‘I’ll get help’.

We can ignore our inner critic when we hear negative thoughts.

Sensory strategies

Our bodies have 8 different senses. The first 5 are easy: sight, hearing, touch,

taste and smell. But there are 3 other senses. These are

balance (vestibular), knowing where we are in space

pressure (proprioceptive) and

knowing how our body feels (hunger, tiredness, temperature, etc.). This sense is

called interoception.

Each of us has a unique profile of how our senses react. Some people like bright

lights and some don’t; some people are upset by loud noises; some people love

movement; some people don’t like others touching them.

Calming

strategies

Sensory

strategies Thinking

strategies


Ask yourself what sensations do I like?

I like ________________________

________________________

________________________

We put the thinking and sensory strategies together, to make calming strategies.

Calming strategies

Some activities are calming. These include deep breathing, counting, listening to

music, playing some computer games, doing a favourite job, yoga, carrying, pulling,

swinging, hugging, jumping, deep pressure, and running. We can add these to our

thinking and sensory strategies.


Things that help you to feel calm

Good Bad

Go to a quiet place

Tell someone I can trust

Write it down and tear it up

Walk / exercise / sport

Listen to music

Massage

Deep breathing

Count to ten

Go to my room

Read a book

Computer

Bath

Watch TV

Chew gum

Go under my duvet

Write in my diary

Relaxation CD

Stretching

Watch a DVD

Drawing / painting

Jigsaws

My relax book

Singing / dancing

Other

Some activities make it hard for us to relax, for example, we might find it hard to

go to sleep if we have been playing a very exciting game. Plan to use the strategy

that works best for you when you need to.


By building calming activities into our daily routine, we can help keep stress levels

down and this will help us feel better.

Zones of Regulation

The Zones of Regulation is a way of helping to learn about feelings and how we

feel them in our body. Knowing how our feelings work can help us regulate our

feelings so we don’t become overwhelmed.


You can personalise the Zones so they make sense to you.

When it comes to feelings, try not to worry. Unless you or someone else is in

danger, you can cope with most things. Remember to try calming strategies and

remember the feeling will pass.

Deep breathing

The "Flower and Candle" activity encourages deep breathing. Start by slowly

breathing out as if you are blowing out a candle. Next, imagine you are inhaling

deeply as if you were smelling a flower. Keep doing this until you feel more

relaxed.


Telling someone I trust

A good strategy is to tell someone you trust about your feelings. This is what

most people do. We can’t do everything on our own. Other people may not know

how we are feeling unless we tell them.

Coping with sadness when you’re young

We all feel low at times in our life. We can feel like no-one understands us, that

others are putting too much pressure on us or that our friends are more popular

or better than us.

Talking to my parents about my feelings is important. Finding the words to

describe what I’m feeling can be hard, but it’s really important to try.

Exercise and spending time outdoors is important to keep our mood up and reduce

stress and anxiety. It can be difficult to find the motivation to exercise so try to

build it into your everyday routine – can I walk to school? Can I walk around the

yard at lunchtime? Ask for movement breaks? The more I move and exercise, the

more it will become part of my routine and it will make me feel better.

Eat a balanced and healthy diet. Sugary foods makes me feel hyper, but then

I feel tired soon afterwards. Fizzy drinks like Coke can make my heart go

faster and stop me sleeping well. with sleep.

I can keep a feelings book, like a diary. I can write in it how I feel each day:

Monday: I was mostly happy, but I got cross with John at school and I hit him.

Tuesday: I was very cross with John, but I didn’t hit him. (that’s progress!)

By Joanna Gill, Senior Speech and Language Therapist

Resources

Atlas of Emotions

http://www.paulekman.com/atlas-of-emotions/#

Zones of Regulation, Leah Kuypers

http://www.zonesofregulation.com

Interoception, Kelly Mahler

http://www.mahlerautism.com/interoception

http://www.paulekman.com/atlas-of-emotions/

http://www.zonesofregulation.com/

feelings and emotions what are feelings and emotions?€¦ · for example, remember when you did a...

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