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Module I

Foundations of Family Coaching

MANUAL

FAMILY

COACH

TRAINING

FAMILY

COACH

TRAINING

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Family Coach Training - Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

© 2011 Diana Sterling, Licensed to Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved

www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

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RCI

Family Coach Training

Module 1:

Foundations of Family

Coaching

Copyright © 2011 Diana Sterling,

Licensed to Relationship Coaching Institute.

ISBN-10: 0975500597

ISBN-13: 978-0-9755005-9-0

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any formor by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

Relationship Coaching Institute1-888-268-4074

www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

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Family Coach Training Program – Module 1: Foundations of Family Coaching

TABLE OF CONTENTS Page

WELCOME FROM INSTRUCTOR 3

PROGRAM OVERVIEW 4

SYLLABUS 6

CLASS #1 – WHAT IS FAMILY COACHING? 9

Reading to have Completed – Choice Theory Chapters 1-3

CLASS #2 – FAMILY COACHING PHILOSOPHY 13 Reading to have Completed – Choice Theory Chapters 4-7

CLASS #3 – CHOICE THEORY AS A MODEL 19


CLASS #4 – OUTCOME BASED COACHING 24


CLASS #5 – ASSESSMENT MODELS 28

Reading to have Completed – Enneagram Made Easy – Entire

CLASS #6 – ASSESSMENT MODELS 47


CLASS #7 – MY COACHING PHILOSOPHY 54

Reading to have Completed – None

CLASS #8 – SYNTHESIS AND INTEGRATION 58


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WELCOME FROM DIANA STERLING

Welcome! Welcome to Relationship Coaching Institute's Family Coach Training program. Youand your classmates are now in our worldwide community of family, parent and teen coaches,which has several implications. First, you are part of a small group of classmates with similaraspirations and goals to help teens and parents with coaching as the primary methodology. We

are establishing the class as a team of people who each have custom designed learning paths,rather than individual students who are on the same learning track. We ask you all to cross-reference, cross-pollinate, share ideas and support each other like never before. We are a not aclass of individuals, we are a team of individuals, for ten months and perhaps beyond, forming anew way of learning, relating to each other and growing. It is paramount that we embrace ourteam in mutual positive regard and compassion and hold each person’s unique contribution and personal/professional outcomes as high as our own. Secondly, you are joining the largerCommunity in the cause to help young people and their parents. Together we aspire to lead,learn, teach and coach others in becoming their best selves. We ask you for the following as itrelates to this community:

•

Play Full Out – Be Committed – Stand in your Power.• Tell us when you need support – and expect it from any of us.

• Celebrate the successes and development of your classmates.

• Be Your Word: If you say you will do something, we will hold you responsible, so only

commit to that which you can really do.

The pages in the first section of this manual describe the outline for this training module. Readthem carefully, digest and prepare any questions that will help you be extra clear about your role.We will address these in our first tele-class together, and you will be able to expand on yourindividual objectives with your personal coach. This course is designed to be rigorous, as we believe that momentum can be created from discipline, commitment, rigor and above all -compassion and love. There is no time to wait – young people and their parents are in dire needof our services and our skills. Teens are saying, “Don’t leave us!” and we must meet thischallenge. The highest intention of this course is for you to gain confidence and competence incoaching teens and parents. we support you in bringing your coaching voice and niche forward inyour chosen application. This course is designed to support you in becoming successful inwhatever coaching and teaching venue you choose. It is my honor to be working with you in thiscapacity.

Welcome aboard!

Diana SterlingDeveloper and Lead InstructorRCI Family Coach Training Program

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PROGRAM OVERVIEW

OBJECTIVES

The goal of Family Coach Training is to teach a professional coaching skill set that can be

utilized in the community in a variety of settings, including but not limited to individualcoaching, group coaching, leading workshops, teaching classes, public speaking and workplaceapplications.

Each participant is expected to participate fully and powerfully in growing their own capacities,supporting the other students, and staking their claim in the world as advocates for young people, parents and families. Overall learning objectives include:

• Students feel competent to interact with teens, parents and family groups with coachingskills using the Family Coach Training approach and methodology.

• Students apply the skill set of professional coaching to their professional and personal lifein all areas as applicable.

•

Students expand on their personal development: discovery of hidden potential and gifts, personal expansion of skills and techniques.

• Students create an Individual Success Plan to take coaching, training and leading intotheir community by using their own design/model.

• Students integrate professional coaching into their chosen professional applications andsettings.

• Students experience a “synthesis” of all four modules to inform their voice, and study of practice (stitching it all together for experiencing and owning a whole body of work.)

THE PARENT AS COACH® APPROACH

The Parent as Coach Approach Tool Kit is included in Family Coach Training program.

The Parent as Coach Approach family of products is one of our most important components touse with clients as a way of introducing them to new ideas and ways of interacting with others.We advocate using these tools with any coaching client in session or you may use them as amarketing tool as well.

This kit includes 1 copy each of the Book, Audio Book on CD, DVD Seminar, Action Cards andThe GradeMaker Parent/teen Accountability System. Also included is the 4-Week Parent asCoach Workshop (also can be done in one day or as a 4 – 8 week coaching program.)

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STUCTURE OF COURSE

Module One – Foundations for Family Coaching

Module Two – Coaching Teens, Parent and Families using The Parent as Coach ApproachModule Three – Advanced Coaching Perspectives and Tools

Module Four – Application and Business

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTSDiana Sterling, founder and designer of Family Coach Training gratefully acknowledges Mr.James Flaherty (author of Coaching; Evoking Excellence) for a rigorous and life changing coachtraining course experience taken with him in 1998. Acknowledgements also go to TracyTresidder, PCC for her enduring friendship, collaboration and contribution to many componentsof this curriculum as well as her faithful stewardship of The Parent as Coach Approach andFamily Coach Training. Other mentors and teachers that have informed the nature of thiscurriculum include Jack Canfield (success coach), Gary D. Rodriquez (NLP trainer) T. HarvEker (Millionaire Mind Training), Doug Stevenson (Story Theatre) and Dr. Linda Falkenstein(NicheCraft) as well as countless men and women whose shoulders we stand on collectively.

This course is possible only because of the many students and Family Coaches around the worldwho have brought forth their passion, compassion and relentless desire to help families of allkinds with coaching expertise. Their wisdom and feedback is the wind beneath the wings ofFamily Coach Training.

Thank you to Frankie Doiron and David Steele of Relationship Coaching Institute for their faithin this body of work and their commitment to making coaching a transformational reality forthousands worldwide.

Onward!

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FAMILY COACH TRAINING PROGRAM SYLLUBUS

Module One: Foundations of Family Coaching

Introduction to the Family Coach Training history and philosophy, a review of the distinctions between coaching, teaching, consulting and therapy, discovery of assessment tools in order toassess the clients level of personal development, and expanding your personal commitment tolove and compassion for all people.

•

Development of your personal philosophy of coaching

• Leveraging your current repertoire of strengths for coaching

• Stretching yourself beyond where you are to rise to the challenges of coaching families,teens and parents

A review of how to use the Enneagram as one of your most powerful assessment tools withclients. An assessment tool is not the same as a diagnostic tool and we examine this distinction.We reference the Enneagram Institute (www.enneagraminstitue.com) and provide a list of usefulEnneagram books and resources for optional self-study.

• Understanding yourself and your type’s influence on your coaching

• Using the Enneagram to assist in client’s own self-awareness

• Integrating the Enneagram into your coaching repertoire

• Expanding your coaching abilities to include assessment tools

You will feel solid in your own core coaching foundation. Your current and past professionaltraining will be interwoven with the Coaching Foundations in the following capacities:

• Integrating Choice Theory text into your own coaching voice

• Expanding your abilities to create self-sustaining momentum

• Helping all family members see their own potential

• Creating a philosophical base “from whence we coach”

Module One: Logisticsa. 8 tele-classes of 90 minutes each b. Required Reading (must purchase on your own)

i. Choice Theory by William Glasserii. The Ennegagram Made Easy by Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele

c. Study Buddy Call with one buddy for entire module – 1 hour minimumd. Optional expanded bibliography included

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Module Two: Coaching Teens, Parents and Families using The Parent as Coach Approach

You will be grounded in specific, proven coaching methodologies for families, parents, teens andyoung adults. You will acquire new tools and programs that you'll be able to use immediately.

• Using the Seven Ways to Coach from The Parent as Coach Approach

• Understanding the differences between coaching teens, coaching parents and coachingfamilies together

• Designing coaching programs for clients using outcome-based coaching methodologies

•

Creating your family coaching voice with advanced public speaking tools

Module Two: Logistics

a. 10 tele-classes of 90 minutes each to include “lab” time b. Required reading or listening (included)

a. The Parent as Coach Approach - family coaching kit of 5 products (included intuition

b. The Parent as Coach Approach 4 week workbook (interactive)

c. The Parent as Coach Approach 2 hour training CD – The Seven Ways to Coachc. Study Buddy Call with one buddy for entire module – 1 hour minimum

Module Three: Advanced Coaching Perspectives and Tools

Adapting your own voice to a matrix of coaching possibilities anchored on your philosophy ofcoaching, The Parent as Coach Approach and new distinctions in advanced coaching perspectives. Exploring subgroups for niche markets, examining distinctions in coachingchildren, teens, parents and families and subgroups within.

Expanding on your existing professional capacity and incorporating leveragability into your business model. Examining deeper perspectives relevant to coaching families - unique to thecoaching profession.

a. Teaching vs Coaching, Parenting vs Coaching, Outcome vs. Process

b.

Coaching Children/Parents of Childrenc. Exploring ADHD, Learning Disabilities, Single Parents, Divorced Parents, Blended and

Step Families, Multi-generational families, cultural distinctionsd. Family Coaching models and processes for specific usee. Stretching yourself beyond where you are to rise to the challenges of family coaching

Module Three: Logistics

a. 10 tele-classes of 90 minutes each b. Required reading (must purchase on your own)

o Uncommon Sense for Parents of Teens by Michael Riera

o A Mind at a Time by Mel Levine MD

c.

Buddy Study Call with one buddy for entire module – 1 hour minimumd. Optional expanded bibliography included

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Module Four: Application and Business

Your chosen or preferred application in the marketplace will be explored and you will begin to put new tools and skills into your job or business as they relate to coaching teens, parents and/orfamily groups. Your primary objective is to integrate your learning to date, which will supportyour competence and most importantly your confidence in this area of focus.

a. Developing a core business plan or integration plan in your job/workplace. b. Creating a viable “message” as you become a messenger.

c.

Review and choice concerning multiple streams of revenued. Understanding potent, advanced marketing skills to attract your ideal clientse. Creating a BRAND YOU approach to your coaching business/applicationf. Understanding marketing vehicles vs. delivery vehicles and internet vs. belly to bellyg. Jumpstarting your business immediately for income potential with a Launch Plan

Module Four: Logistics

a. 8 tele-classes of 90 minutes each b. Required reading (must purchase on your own)

o Getting Business to Come to You 1998 by Paul and Sarah Edwardsc. Study Buddy Call with one buddy for entire module – 1 hour minimum

d.

Optional expanded bibliography and internet resources included

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CLASS #1 – WHAT IS FAMILY COACHING?

Date: Time: Instructor: ___ ______

Learning Outcome: Understand What is Family Coaching and What it is Not.


Four Distinctions of Family Coaching:

1. Coaching

2. Consulting

3. Teaching

4. Therapy

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS

1. Buddy Call: Discuss with your buddy the following

a. How do I see these distinctions being relevant to my coaching?

b. How will I share these with my clients?

2. Read: Choice Theory Chapters 4 – 7 to be completed by next class

3. Write and Send into RCI and my buddy:

a. One page Learning Summary to include

i. What am I learning about these distinctions?

ii.

What did I learn from my buddy?

iii. What am I already learning about myself?

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #2 – FAMILY COACHING PHILOSOPHY

Date: Time: Instructor: __ ______

Learning Outcome: Learn the Philosophies Behind Family Coaching


FAMILY COACH TRAINING – COACHING PHILOSOPHY

My Philosophy of Coaching recognizes that all people are essentially good and wish to

be good, happy and to be respected and acknowledged for who they are at the core.

As a coach I seek to help them maximize their potential. Awaken their human spirit. I support, nourish, guide, comfort, heal and above all… love all the while experiencing my

own growth as I respond to my clients as a mirror to my own journey.

As for the coach and client connection? In the midst of the chaos of day-to-day life withtasks, to-do lists, paperwork, appointments, meetings, people to serve and to help, busy

lives to run, deadlines, and phone calls… let there be moments of the day to connect person-to-person in a way that uplifts the human heart beyond performance and

achievement into joy and love.

With this we can truly find success and peace in our work and our lives. Diana Sterling, founder Family Coach Training

Coaches trained in the Family Coaching Approach deliver Coaching Programs to parents, teens,families and youth professionals based on the philosophy that we first need to understand whatHuman Beings are in order to coach them. From this place of understanding and learning, weoffer support, ideas, new perspectives, plans for moving forward, and a host of tools and formatsfor helping people create fulfilling and meaningful lives.

Above all we offer love and compassion to all we serve and come in contact with. Thefoundation of professional coaching has its roots in psychology, education, consulting, sportscoaching, philosophy, friendship and spirituality. Coaching is a partnership, a conversation andan interaction that allows the client to feel empowered to:

•

“Lead” themselves in all walks of life• Become more self-aware

• Self-correct and self-coach

• Design for themselves a new direction or path

• Take new actions with confidence in and competence for the future

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When to coach and how to coach are broad questions that the professional coach must learn todistinguish by using personal know how, skill set, experience and wisdom. Certified FamilyCoaches are professional coaches who access their own knowledge and wisdom, andappropriately bring it forth with the client.

The language of coaching is developed within each coach with different applications discoveredover time. Coaching is not one-size-fits-all approach. It is ever evolving, as so are the coach and

the client. A successful coaching relationship requires that the coach have a generous tool kit ofassessments and skills – and become competent in the use of them. These tools are designed forthe coach to learn about who the client is, how they are in the world, and what motivates them.

From this place, a powerful coaching relationship can take place. Academy for Family CoachTraining creates an environment whereby the coaches/staff and students are experiencing theirown successes, self-correcting as they go, and taking new actions that will sustain statedoutcomes; In effect, experiencing the positive benefits of being coached. A good coach is also“coach-able.” The Family Coach Training Philosophy of coaching begins with the client havingstated outcomes that then are agreed upon by both the client and the coach.

The coach then designs a Coaching Program, based on their knowledge and insights, to help theclient reach the stated outcomes. A path is set and benchmarks are acknowledged. It is a powerful partnership that creates real, tangible and measurable outcomes for the client.

Above all, trust, love and compassion are integral parts of the coaching partnership. Each coachmust develop their own inner capacity for “the higher road” of non-judgment and love, even inthe professional setting where action steps, tools and new paths are created. It is the coaches’responsibility to gather their own inner resources and strength to be able to powerfully connectand offer their clients substantive material, courage and wisdom.

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ACADEMY FOR FAMILY COACH TRAINING – COACHING STANDARDS

1. Know thyself.

2.

Learn about human beings – understand what they are and how they work.

3. Don’t make assumptions and then coach from that (MSU)

4.

Don’t use blanket approaches in coaching with all people

5. Study constantly what it means to be human

6. Learn assessments – to use internally with your own understanding

7. Understand the client’s point of view

8. Learn the root cause of the situation as much as you can.

9. Only coach as far as you have taken your own development.

10. You cannot make someone do something, ever.

11. Learn the distinctions: external coercion vs. internal motivation.

12.

Design outcomes together with clients.

13. Establish parameters for a Coaching Program.

14. Design the Coaching Program with stated outcomes in writing for a context of agreement.

15. Walk your talk – BE a coach, don’t DO coaching.

16. Keep your agreements and be your word

17. Hold yourself with the highest integrity as a coach/person in life

18. Make requests and not assumptions

19.

Coach with love and compassion, which is more powerful than tips, techniques, tools andquestions.

20. Give insights, new distinctions and ideas for expansion, not advice or solutions.

21. Combine coaching carefully with other disciplines for effectiveness, such as training,

teaching, advising, mentoring, guiding, instructing, consulting, etc.

22. Always coach by permission.

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS


a. Do I have a philosophy of life – how do I feel about using the word “philosophy”

in my business?

b. How will I share the Family Coaching Philosophies with my clients?

2. Read: Choice Theory Chapters 8 - 11 to be completed by next class


a.

One page Learning Summary to include

i. Ideas about sharing Family Coaching Philosophies with others.

ii. What did I learn ABOUT my buddy?

iii. What values or philosophies do I already have in place about life, work,

relationships, families?

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #3 – CHOICE THEORY AS A MODEL


Learning Outcome: Adapting a Primary Source to Family Coaching


“We learn and grow in biological time.”James Flaherty, author of Coaching: Evoking Excellence

External Control Psychology vs. Choice Theory

“Choice Theory is an internal control psychology; it explains why and how we make choices that

determine the course of our lives.” William Glasser

Five Psychological Needs

1. Love and Belonging

2. Freedom

3. Power

4. Fun

5. Survival

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS

1. Use the Choice Theory Handout to assess your own 5 psychological needs.


a. How can I use Choice Theory in my coaching?

b. How will I find this useful to me in my own family?

3. Read: Choice Theory Chapters 12 - 13 to be complete by next class


a. One page Self Assessment

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CHOICE THEORY SELF-ASSESSMENT OF FIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS

Credit to Dr. William Glasser, author of Choice Theory

Rate your own “score” for each of these psychological needs on a scale of 1 – 10; 1 being the

weakest and 10 being the strongest. Then write a short paragraph as to how this shows up in your life.

1. Love and Belonging 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

2. Freedom 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

3.

Power /Control 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

4. Fun 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

5. Survival 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #4 – OUTCOME BASED COACHING


Learning Outcome: Family Coaching Outcome Based Coaching Program


The Outcome Based Coaching Model

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS

1. Share this model with one person you trust who is not a coach.


a. Repeat the “train model” to practice enrolling your buddy.

b. Take each a turn to practice this.

3. Read: Enneagram Made Easy to be completed by next class

4.

Write and Send into RCI and my buddy:


i. What happened when I shared this with someone I trust?

ii. What did I LEARN from or about my buddy?

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JOURNAL

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CLASS #5 – ASSESSMENT MODELS


Learning Outcome: How to incorporate Assessment Models into your coaching and how to usethe Enneagram

[ Credit to Tracy Tresidder,PCC and RCI Family Coaching Trainer for her contribution of thefollowing Enneagram resources. ]


THE ENNEAGRAM - AN ASSESSMENT TOOL

“We can learn to listen to another person’s point of view if we understand their point of view.”

Diana Sterling

The Enneagram is an ancient spiritual tool for understanding oneself and others. It is the study ofnine basic types of people. It explains our reasons for certain behaviors and points to specificdirections for individual growth. It is an important tool for improving relationships with family,friends and co-workers. It is an essential coaching tool.

www.enneagraminstitute.com

www.9types.com

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THE ENNEAGRAM AS A COACHING TOOL

"Always remember that when the shadows in ourselves are touched by the light of awareness,they become doors through which grace transforms our lives.Riso, D. (1992), Enneagram Transformations

The primary use for the Enneagram is for self-discovery and personal growth. The Enneagramhelps bring to light what was formerly hidden from us—to "make the unconscious conscious," as

Freud put it. The purpose of the Enneagram is to point out to us the patterns of distortions andillusions that we mistakenly take to be ourselves. It is a tool for self-realization and self-actualization.

When you know your own Enneagram style you can get out of your own way. You can makeconscious choices instead of acting on automatic pilot. Most importantly, you can act with passion, compassion and clear intent. As a coach it is important to recognize the automatic patterns associated with the nine personality types as yours is likely to show up in your coachingstyle. By learning about the Enneagram you will discover that you have a much broader range ofresponses rather than being on automatic. Acting upon this discovery allows you to be moreattuned to yourself and your clients.

The Enneagram teaches us in practical ways to see the world as others see it. You can thenappreciate what others value and what they do not, and why they think, feel and act the way theydo. When you know the Enneagram style of the people you coach, and/or the people in your life,you can respond to their intent, instead of getting caught in their sometimes difficult orconfounding behavior. You can nurture their fundamental strengths, and know in what situationsthey are likely to be rigid or unskillful. You can serve up your words and wisdom in a way that itcan be heard, and you can inspire them from the inside out. You will discover what is going onunderneath the client’s spoken and unspoken words and actions and be able to select coachingstrategies that will help free your client from their own blind spots.

YOUR BASIC PERSONALITY TYPEFrom one point of view, the Enneagram can be seen as a set of nine distinct personality types,with each number on the Enneagram denoting one type. It is common to find a little of yourselfin all nine of the types, although one of them should stand out as being closest to yourself. Thisis your basic personality type.

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Everyone emerges from childhood with one of the nine types dominating their personality, withinborn temperament and other pre-natal factors being the main determinants of our type. This isone area where most all of the major Enneagram authors agree— we are born with a dominant

type. Subsequently, this inborn orientation largely determines the ways in which we learn toadapt to our early childhood environment. It also seems to lead to certain unconsciousorientations toward our parental figures, but why this is so, we still do not know. In any case, bythe time children are four or five years old, their consciousness has developed sufficiently to

have a separate sense of self. Although their identity is still very fluid, at this age children beginto establish themselves and find ways of fitting into the world on their own. Thus, the overallorientation of our personality reflects the totality of all childhood factors (including genetics) thatinfluenced its development. Several more points can be made about the basic type itself.

1. People do not change from one basic personality type to another.

2. The descriptions of the personality types are universal and apply equally to males andfemales, since no type is inherently masculine or feminine.

3. Not everything in the description of your basic type will apply to you all the time because

you fluctuate constantly among the healthy, average, and unhealthy traits that make upyour personality type.

4. The Enneagram uses numbers to designate each of the types because numbers are valueneutral— they imply the whole range of attitudes and behaviors of each type withoutspecifying anything either positive or negative. Unlike the labels used in psychiatry,numbers provide an unbiased, shorthand way of indicating a lot about a person without being pejorative.

5. The numerical ranking of the types is not significant. A larger number is no better than asmaller number; it is not better to be a Nine than a Two because nine is a bigger number.

6. No type is inherently better or worse than any other. While all the personality types haveunique assets and liabilities, some types are often more desirable than others in any givenculture or group. Furthermore, for one reason or another, you may not be happy being a particular type. You may feel that your type is "handicapped" in some way. As you learnmore about all the types, you will see that just as each has unique capacities, each hasdifferent limitations. If some types are more esteemed in Western society than others, it is because of the qualities that society rewards, not because of any superior value of thosetypes. The ideal is to become your best self , not to imitate the assets of another type.

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THE TYPES AS FUNCTIONS

Each of the personality types embodies a wide range of behaviors and attitudes. Each of thetypes can be seen as a metaphor or symbol of the full range of human potential. Seen this way,the nine personality types of the Enneagram are psychological "functions" or "domains" of anarchetypal power or capacity of human nature. One reason we are all similar is that all ninefunctions operate in each of us. One reason we are all different is that their proportion and balance within our psyches is different and constantly shifting.

Don Riso and Russ Hudson have used two main words to describe each function (see Discovering Your Personality Type, p. 80-83) because each personality type represents twomajor areas of activity—a Function that characterizes an internally held attitude of the type, anda function that characterizes the type's observable behavior .

IN THE FEELING TRIAD:

Type Two: The Helper

The functions of Empathy and Altruism— the potential for other-directedness,thoughtfulness for others, genuine self-sacrifice, generosity, and nurturance. Negatively,

the potential for intrusiveness, possessiveness, manipulation, and self-deception.

Type Three: The Achiever

The functions of Self-Esteem and Self-Development— the potential for ambition, self-improvement, personal excellence, professional competence, self-assurance, and socialself-distinction. Negatively, the potential for pragmatic calculation, arrogant narcissism,the exploitation of others, and hostility.

Type Four: The Individualist/Creative

The functions of Self-Awareness and Artistic Creativity— the potential for intuition,sensitivity, individualism, self-expression, and self-revelation. Negatively, the potential

for self-absorption, self-consciousness, self-doubt, self-inhibition, and depression.

IN THE THINKING TRIAD:

Type Five: The Investigator/Observer

The functions of Mental Focus and Expert Knowledge— the potential for curiosity, perceptiveness, the acquisition of knowledge, inventive originality, and technicalexpertise. Negatively, the potential for speculative theorizing, emotional detachment,eccentricity, social isolation, and mental projections.

Type Six: The Loyalist/QuestionerThe functions of Trust and Perseverance— the potential for emotional bonding withothers, group identification, sociability, industriousness, loyalty to others, andcommitment to larger efforts. Negatively, the potential for dependency, ambivalence,rebelliousness, anxiety, and inferiority feelings.

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Type Seven: The Enthusiast/Adventurer

The functions of Spontaneity and Diverse Activity— the potential for enthusiasm, productivity, achievement, skill acquisition, and the desire for change and variety. Negatively, the potential for hyperactivity, superficiality, impulsiveness, excessiveness,and escapism.

IN THE INSTINCTIVE TRIAD:

Type Eight: The Challenger

The functions of Self-Assertion and Leadership— the potential for self-confidence, self-determination, self-reliance, magnanimity, and the ability to take personal initiative. Negatively, the potential for domination of others, crude insensitivity, combativeness,and ruthlessness.

Type Nine: The Peacemaker

The functions of Receptivity and Interpersonal Mediation— the potential for emotionalstability, acceptance, unself-consciousness, emotional and physical endurance, and

creating harmony with others. Negatively, the potential for passivity, disengagedemotions and attention, neglectfulness, and mental dissociation.

Type One: The Perfectionist/Reformer

The functions of Ethical Standards and Responsibility— the potential for moderation,conscience, maturity, self-discipline, and delayed gratification. Negatively; the potentialfor rigid self-control, impersonal perfectionism, judgmentalism, and self-righteousness.

THE NINE TYPES AS PARENTS

You may recognize yourself in these brief stories and descriptions.

Type One – Perfectionist Parents

Though firmness and structure can help children feel secure, some One-parents could usemore flexibility. Johnny's One-mother had felt deprived of consistency in her ownchildhood. Since her work hours were irregular, she was afraid this might be upsettingher son in the same way. She stewed about it for a long time and finally got up thecourage to talk to him about it. It relieved her to find out that he was more flexible thanshe and he liked having his days different from one another. Adults who were raised by aOne-parent often appreciated their parents' reliability but thought they were too critical.

A Perfectionist parent may demand self-control, reasonableness, regularity, and theability to delay rewards – that their child be a Little Adult.

Type Two – Helper Parents

Twos usually enjoy their children, like being parents, and encourage their children’sinterests. Because they’re so involved, sometimes they do too much for their childreninstead of allowing the children to make mistakes and learn for themselves. Two-Helpershave trouble saying how they really feel or saying things that should be said but seem too

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negative, so they often manipulate their kids into doing what they want. Adults who wereraised by a two-parent are divided between those who appreciated their attentiveness andinvolvement in their lives and those who felt smothered. A Helper Parent may demandgenerosity, thoughtfulness, helpfulness, and attention to others – that their child be aLittle Helper.

Type Three – Achiever Parents

A lot of parents, especially Threes, want their children to have Three-like qualities: energy,confidence, drive, and optimism. They think that if the children are cheerleaders, presidentsof the class, and professionals they'll be successful and happy. But children come with theirown personalities and can be successful in many different ways. It's helpful for Threes tolook for and encourage the talents and interests in their children that are different fromtheir own. Adults who are success oriented by nature appreciate what they learned fromtheir Three-parents. Others experienced their Three-parents as too frenetic or pushy, andthey complain their parents didn't spend enough time with them. An Achiever Parent maydemand being outstanding at tasks, fulfilling family hopes, physical perfection, and popularity – that their child be a Little Star.

Type Four – Individualist/Romantic Parents While Fours have a lot to give in terms of insight, creativity, and warmth, they also need tosupport their children's interests, whatever they are. Fours can emotionally overwhelmchildren who are not at home in their world of feelings. Most kids won't be as sensitive asthey are. Adults who were raised by Four-parents often say they were charmed andfascinated by their parents or frightened of their emotionality and gloominess. Four parentsoften say they are overwhelmed by the beauty and wonder, and sometimes pathos, ofhaving a child. An Individualist Parent may demand sensitivity, artistic creativity,emotional depth, and understanding – that their child be a Little Therapist.

Type Five – Observer Parents

It’s sometimes difficult for Fives to disengage from their own projects or thoughts and joinin on the child’s frequency. Five-Observer parents need to be careful, if their minds are onsomething else, not to become irritable or too authoritarian with their kids. Since Fives tendto compartmentalize, perhaps they’d feel comfortable setting aside a chunk of time eachday for being truly present with their child. Adults who had Five-parents sometimes saytheir parents’ remoteness and negativity bothered them, but they enjoyed the Five’swhimsical humor. Fives sometimes say their children interested them more as they grewinto the teens and could discuss more complicated things. An Observer Parent may demandindependence, studiousness, intellectual gifts, and curiosity – that their child be a LittleGenius.

Type Six – Questioner/Loyalist Parents Six parents are very loyal, but they may be overprotective. It takes a lot of courage for Six- parents to let their children out in the world where the dangers are, but kids are safer whenthey learn to solve their own problems. Six parents need to monitor their tendency to takethe devil's advocate position, for this can erode children's confidence. The same is true withsarcasm and teasing. Adults who had phobic Six-parents say the parents' constant fretting

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got on their nerves. Those who had counter-phobic parents often thought their parents weretoo hard on them and expected too much. Both types of Sixes were said to have beendevoted parents. A Questioner Parent may demand dependability, obedience, perseverance,and trustworthiness – that their child be a Little Trouper.

Type Seven – Adventurer/Enthusiast Parents Sevens like having playful children. But if the children are very serious, worried, or

aggressive, Seven-parents have to make big adjustments. Nancy, a Seven, took her Eight-ish baby on a trip to a foreign country, and he had a difficult time adapting to travelingaround. She and her husband decided it would be best to spend the last half of the trip inone place. If being with small children feels restrictive, Seven-parents might considertaking up some new interests that they can do safely at home and that can be interrupted.Adults who had Seven-parents were sometimes confused by their parents' irregular hours athome but often enjoyed their stories and jokes. Some complain that their parents wantedtoo much attention for themselves or didn't listen to other people. An Adventurer Parentmay demand vitality, good humor, resilience, and spontaneity – that their child be a LittleEntertainer.

Type Eight – Asserter Parents Eight parents are protective and can be good role models for taking action and havingconfidence. They need to be aware that anger can devastate children, and they need to trynot to impose their will on them. Eights can have a difficult time adjusting to their childrenand perceiving how they are different from themselves. It is helpful to look for qualities intheir children they may not be used to thinking of as strengths, such as the ability to backdown or to show vulnerability. Adults who had Eight-parents react differently according totheir type. Judy, a Seven-daughter, was closely bound to her Eight-father. He loved toshow her off, play with her, and teach her songs as a young child. Later, he championedher singing and acting career.

An Asserter Parent may demand toughness, self-sufficiency, courage, and willpower – thattheir child be a Little Entrepreneur.

Type Nine – Peacemakers Parents Many Nines have a knack for being able to perceive and enter the world of a child. Theycan provide enormous warmth and understanding. Nine-parents may need to work onfollowing through with their children and being able to say no. Rather than alwaysnegotiating, they need to take a definite stand and uphold a position of authority. Adultswho had Nine-parents often say that they and their parents seemed merged. They say thisfelt secure, but making a separation was often problematic. Children of Nines appreciatetheir parents’ flexibility in going along with and contributing to whatever interest they

took up. A Peacemaker Parent may demand quietness, lack of demands, gentleness, andnon-neediness – that their child be a Little Angel. One of the best attitudes for parents tohave toward their children is an amazed curiosity to support the child’s own unfolding. Inchildrearing, only one thing is certain: children will develop in unexpected ways. If parents try to block the child’s natural unfolding, they will not succeed. The unfoldingwill not stop but merely become distorted and neurotic. It is therefore always best for the

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parent to observe the child’s type (with its innate gifts and capacities) and to elicit the best aspects of the child’s type rather than try to change him or her into someonefundamentally different from who he or she already is.

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CHILDREN AND THE ENNEAGRAM The Nine Types as Children

Type One - The Perfectionist As a child they can be self critical and judgmental of themselves and others. They willalways want to do well and will strive for A's in all subjects; anything less and they will

be upset. When parenting a 1 give them lots of reassurance and help them see that theyare perfect just as they are.

Type Two - The Helper As a child they want to be of assistance to everyone and want to be liked. They can masktheir own feelings and needs. They always want to offer their help and support. They putthemselves at the bottom of the list and have problems saying No. As a parent we need toteach them to receive as well as give. They need to know it is OK to express their ownfeelings and accept help from others

Type Three - The Achiever

This child is likely to do well in school; they like to look good and are likely to do well insport. They are very competitive and do not like failure. They measure themselves bytheir successes and feel unworthy if they do not achieve. As a parent we need to get theachiever to slow down and let them know they do not have to be the best at everything.They need to begin to listen to their feelings and stop doing so much.

Type Four - The Individualist/Romantic These children are very sensitive and can be very dramatic. They fell they are special andunique and they want others to notice them. They do not like to be ordinary and theyoften feel that they are misunderstood. They can be very moody and dwell on theiremotions. As parents we need to acknowledge them as sensitive individuals and support

them in sensing this in others. Parents need to help them make connections with othersand come to terms with their emotions and feelings so the down times are not so bad.

Type Five - The Observer/Investigator These children are curious and have an understanding of everything. They can be shy andwithdrawn, have trouble making friends and can be considered as nerdy. They love detailand dissect everything into minute detail. They are pre-occupied with things over people.They live in their head and as parents we need to have them be in touch with theiremotions. They are unlikely to be athletic.

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Type Six - The Loyalist/Questioner As a child they want security and are afraid of conformation so will do anything to avoidit. They do not like the unknown and do not like things to be different. They can alsohave problems with authority. They are likely to ask for advice a lot and never lookinside for the answers. They want to do the right thing and they do not trust easily- theylike to be in places that feel safe. They must believe they can trust their parentsconsistently. As a parent you need to teach them to relax, let down their own defenses

and let them know they are good as they are. They do well to learn how to sort out theirown battles.

Type Seven - The Adventurer/Enthusiast This child will seek everything that is new and fun. They have a sort attention span andmove from one thing to another. They are not comfortable thinking about their emotionsand think life is a party. They can typical find school a challenging environment as itsquashes their creativity and freedom. Parents can support them by encouraging them tostick with something and finish it and listen to their emotions.

Type Eight - The Asserter

These children can come across as aggressive; they do anything to avoid been venerable.They are loud children and take up space. They have a "Don't mess with me" attitude andcan resort to violence. They do not like to be dependent and will protect those less powerful then themselves. They need to be taught how to use their power in aconstructive way. They have a great sense of justice and fairness and parents have pointed out that where they may not be fair is a learning opportunity for them. They needto relax more. It is important for this child to have a voice in the house and be heard.

Type Nine - The Peacemaker These children just want everyone to be happy and will often be the mediators. They arelikely to follow the crowd and not make their own decisions and will avoid conflict and

any cost, even distancing themselves from the situation - removing themselves and becoming detached. They are uncomfortable with tension. They can fall asleep onthemselves and become lazy. They need to find passion and strength and learn to engagewith the real world.

These notes were taken from a call with Dr. Lorraine Cassista who can be found at

www.creatingmylife.com

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Style Speaking Style Body Language Blind Spot Distorting Filter

HOW THE NINE STYLES COMMUNICATE

From “Bringing out the best in yourself at work ” – Ginger Lapid-Bogda

9 .

P A C E M A K E R

Give highly detailed information in a

sequential style. Make the effort to be fair

and present all sides. May say yes but

mean no. Use agree words, such as yes

and uh-huh.

Easy going and relaxed. Smiling. Few

displays of strong emotion, particularly

negative feelings. Face rather than body is

animated

Prolonged explanations cause the listener to lose

interest. Present multiple viewpoints which

negatively affect their degree of influence and

possibly their credibility. Fail to make true wants

know to others

Demands on them to change or do something.

Being criticized, ignored or put down. Someone

having an opposing view to their own. The

possibility that anger from another person will

be directed at them.

7 .

A D V E N T U R E R

Quick and spontaneous, with words

released in a flurry. Tell engaging stories.

Shift from topic to topic. Upbeat and

charming. Avoid negative topics about

themselves. Reframe negative information.

Smiling and bright eyed. Sharp tone of

voice when angry. Highly animated face

and numerous hand and arm gestures. May

walk around and pace while speaking.

Easily distracted.

They may not have absorbed all the information

and knowledge they believe they have mastered.

Fail to see that their own behaviour causes

others to take them less seriously. Constant

shifting of ideas and animated body language can

be distracting to others.

Having their competence demeaned. Think they

know what the other person is going to say so

they stop listening. The possibility of having

limits placed on them. Being forced into a long

term commitment they do not want.

8

. A S S E R T E R

Bold and Authoritative. Big picture and

strategic. Statements designed to structure

or control the situation. Impatient with detail.

Raise the intensity of their language until

they get a response from the other person.

May display anger directly. May use

profanity or body-based humour.

Have a strong physical presence even

when they are silent. Modulate voice tone

for maximum impact. Give intense non

verbal cues.

Many people, not just timid individual become

intimidated by them. Their energy is far stronger

that they realise, even when they are holding

back. Not everyone is capable of grasping the big

picture as quickly as eights can. Their

vulnerability may show at times when they are

not aware of it.

Protecting others the eight believes truly needs

protecting. Weakness in others. Control issues.

Truthfulness. Feeling blamed.

5 .

O B S E R V E R

Speak tersely or in length discourse. Highly

selective word choice. Limited sharing of

personal information. Share thought rather

than feelings

Express thoughts with limited emotional

content. Appear self contained and self

controlled with unanimated body language

May not exhibit warmth. May appear remote or

aloof. May say too much and lose listeners. May

use few too words and so may no be understood

by others. May appear condescending or elitist

Demands and expectations. Feeling

inadequate. Overwhelming emotions from the

other person. Trust in the other person to

maintain privacy. Physical proximity that feels

too close.

6 .

L O Y A

L I S T

Start with analytical comments. Alternate

syncopated, hesitant speech with bold,confident speech. Discuss worries,

concerns and “what ifs”.

Eyes may be bold and direct. May appear

warm, engaging and empathic. Alternativelyeyes may dart back and forth horizontally

as if scanning for danger.

Negative scenarios appear to others as

negativism, pessimism and a “can’t do”orientation. Self doubt and worry can cause

others to question the six’s competence.

Whether others’ use of authority is proper or

improper. Projection of thoughts and feelingsonto the other person. Issues of trust related to

the other person.

3 . A

C H I E V E R Clear, efficient, logical and well conceived.

Quick on their feet. Avoid topics in which

they have limited information. Avoid topics

that reflect negatively on them. Useconcrete examples.

Look put together, appear confident.

Breathe deeply into their chest area. Keep

shoulders high. Actions may appear staged

for effect. Look around to check thereactions of others.

Impatient when they perceive others as not

capable. Avoid discussing their own failings.

Appear driven. Seem to rush or dismiss others.

May appear abrupt or insincere.

Whether the information will make them look

good. Whether the information will interfere with

their goal achievement. The apparent

confidence and competence of the other person.

4 .

R O M A N T I C Use words like I, me, my and mine

frequently. Talk about self. Discuss feelings.

Share personal and /or painful stories. Ask

personal questions. Word choice may be

deliberate.

Intense, urgent. Appear to be focused

inward as if analyzing the words they say.

Communicate that they want undivided

attention. Eyes may appear moist or sad.

Pull the conversation back to themselves using

self-referencing behaviour. Need to fully complete

a conversation even when the other person no

longer wants to discuss an issue. May appear

overly dramatic or contrived.

Personal rejection. Being slighted or demeaned.

Not wanting to appear defective. Being

misunderstood.

1 .

P E R F E C T I O N I S T

Precise, direct, exacting, concise anddetailed. Share task-related thought. Use

words such as should, ought must, correct,

excellent, good, wrong and right. React

quickly to ideas. Defensive if criticized.

Erect posture, taught muscles, eyes

focused. Clothing well co-ordinated and

pressed

Appear critical, impatien t or angry. Tenacious

regarding their own opinion

Being criticized by someone else.

Preoccupation with their own ideas. In the One’s

view are other people behaving correctly and

responsibly

2 .

H E L P E R Ask questions, give compliments, focus on

content of other person, few references to

self, soft voice. Angry or complaining when

they dislike what others say.

Smiling and comfortable. Relaxed facial

expressions. Open, graceful body

movement. When agitated, furrowed brow

and facial tension.

A secondary or hidden intentio n may lie beneath

their generosity, helpfulness and attention giving.

If uninterested in the other person, disengage

precipitously.

Whether the person likes them. Whether they

like the other person. Whether they want to help

the other person. The degree of influence the

other person has.

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Reading to have Completed – Enneagram Made Easy

NOTES

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ACTION STEPS


a. What have I learned about myself via the Enneagram?

b. How will I share these with my clients?

2. Research: www.enneagram institute.com for further exploration



i.

How do I see this being valuable to my coaching business?

ii. What did I LEARN about my buddy?


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EXPANDED BIBILOGRAPHY – ENNEAGRAM

BENNETT, J.G.

Enneagram Studies.

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BERGIN, EILIS AND EDDIE FITZGERALD.

An Enneagram Guide: A Spirituality of Love in Brokenness.

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BLAKE, A. G. E.

The Intelligent Enneagram.

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BRADY, LORETTA.

Beginning Your Enneagram Journey: With Self-observation.

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CALLAHAN, WILLIAM J.

The Enneagram for Youth.

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CONDON, THOMAS.

The Dynamic Enneagram: How to Work With Your Personality Style to Truly Grow and

Change (Vol. 1).! Metamorphous Press, 2002. Paperback. $18.95.

Enneagram Movie and Video Guide: How to See Personality Types in the Movies. 2nd edition.

! Metamorphous Press, 1999. Paperback, 249 pages. $14.95.

DANIELS, DAVID.

! The Essential Enneagram: The Definitive Personality Test and Self-Discovery Guide.

! Harper San Francisco, 2000. Paperback, 128 pages. $10.00.

FAUVRE, KATHERINE CHERNICK.

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Enneastyle: The 9 Languages Of Enneagram Type: Motivations of Image Inherent ToEnneagram Type.

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GOLDBERG, MICHAEL J.

Getting Your Boss's Number: And Many Other Ways To Use The Enneagram At Work .

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! Goldberg, a Point Seven on the Enneagram, is a management consultant in Southern

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The 9 Ways of Working: How to Use the Enneagram to Discover Your Natural Strengths andWork More Effectively.

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HANNAN, PETER.

! Nine Faces of God.

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What's My Type?: Use the Enneagram System of 9 Personality Types to Discover Your Best

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Between Metaphysics and Protoanalysis: A Theory for Analyzing the Human Psyche .

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Interviews with Oscar Ichazo.

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Emotions and The Enneagram: Working Through your Shadow Life Script.

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The Enneagram Cats of Muir Beach.

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! A cute story and effective in presenting the types.

The Enneagram In Psychodrama: Working with the Shadow Side of Human Nature.

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Enneagram Personalities At A Glance.

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short on reading material.

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The Enneagram Relationship Workbook: A Self and Partnership Assessment Guide .

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Ennea-Type Structures: Self-Analysis for the Seeker.

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! Naranjo, perhaps more than any other contemporary writer, may be credited with

popularizing the Enneagram though he would disdain such a thought. Just about ever other

teacher, lecturer and writer on the Enneagram can trace their introduction to the system to

Naranjo’s first study groups, which were conducted in the early 70s in Berkeley, California.

Character and Neurosis: An Integrative View.

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! Technically, this may be the most useful discussion of the fine points of the Enneagram forthe serious student.

Enneatypes In Psychotherapy.

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Nine Portraits of Jesus: Discovering Jesus Through the Enneagram.


OLSON, ROBERT, PH.D.

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linear than most other Enneagram authors, but nevertheless very good.

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Discovering Your Personality Type: The New Enneagram Questionnaire.

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! Nortre Dame, IN: Ava Maria Press, 1993. Paperback, 182 pages. $8.95.

Enneagram Spirituality: From Compulsion to Contemplation.

! Nortre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 1992. Paperback, 176 pages. $8.95.

Merton: An Enneagram Profile.

! Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave Maria Press, 1996. Paperback, 216 pages. $9.95.

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Learning Outcome: Beginning to apply the Enneagram as a Coaching Tool


The Enneagram as Coaching Tool

Developed at an ICF Conference Workshop

Questions to help each type develop their sense of self

FEELING TRIAD: Type Two, Three, Four

Type Two – The Helper/Carer• Do you have difficulty saying no?

• How do you take of yourself?

• What have you done for yourself today?

• What would it take to make your needs a priority?

• How do you make yourself count versus discounting?• What are my red flags?

• What is it that you want?

• How do you restore yourself?• What is the difference between self care and selfish?

And some more questions to help you with this type of client:• How often do you feel the need to people please?

• Do you find yourself denying, or justifying, your own degree of people-pleasing?

• Do you tend to flatter others in order to attempt to get them to like you?

• Do you give money or do special favors?• How do you feel when the tables are turned and others are flattering or attempting to

please you?• How do I know that I am loved?

• Do you ever compile a daily list of things you need to do for yourself?

• How hard would that be?

Type Three - The Achiever• What is the impact of being competitive?

• How can you find joy in the journey?

• What are you missing out on?

• When is good enough good enough?

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And some more questions to help you with this type of client:

• In what ways do you see yourself as success-driven and competitive?

• Why do you hold the goals that you are pursuing?

• Have you ever gotten into projects that you were not really interested in because of the

need to excel or compete?• What do you think would happen if you took your feet “off the accelerator” a little bit?

• How do you deal with the fear or anxiety that comes up when you compare yourself to

someone else?

Type Four – Individualist Creative

• Tell me what you like about yourself?

• At What times do theses feelings come up in a positive sense?

• How can we add more of that to your life?

• If you were your happiest creative self what would you be doing, thinking, feeling?

• How do you feel about being criticized?

• When you feel vulnerable do you withdraw?


•

What is your personal “baseline mood” most of the time?• How do you react if you are spontaneously not in that mood?

• Notice any tendency to run a commentary on your feelings and experiences, as if asking

yourself, “What does this experience mean about me?”• Notice your tendency to automatically focus on your differences with people?

• What does this cost you in terms of your connectedness with others?

THE THINKING TRIAD: Types Five, Six and Seven

Type Five – The Thinker/Observer•

What excites you?• Do you follow through?

And some more questions to help you with this type of client:• When we are in our heads how much of your environment do you notice?

• See what you missed or overlooked?

• Do you ever notice your dependency on certain areas of interest?• How does this area of expertise make you feel about yourself?

• How does it feel to relate to others without discussing your areas of expertise?

• Are you focusing on your niche to the exclusion of developing some of these other areas?

• When are you most effective?

Type Six – Loyalist

• Do you question the decisions you make

• Tell me what plays in your mind when confronted with situations?

• Do you tend to support yourself or do you challenge yourself?

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• How often do you err on the side of caution?

• How many possibilities for self-development and fulfillment do you miss?

• How many times in your life did you let significant opportunities for growth and

challenge pass you by? Why did you decided to let them go?• Would belief in your own abilities have changed the outcome?

• Recall some times when you did fly against commonsense and took a chance?

•

Was it a conscious choice? What was the outcome? How did you feel at the time?• Are there areas in your life now where you know that you are resisting your true desires

out of fear or doubts about yourself? What can you do differently?

Type Seven – The Adventurer

• What would peace look like for you?

• What happened last time you got too busy?

• What would you like that you don’t have in your life?

• What/how would you like things to be different from your life one year from now

• Who could you look to for support?

• How do you tend to sabotage yourself?


• When you catch yourself entertaining others, getting the juice flowing, so to speak, notice

whom you are doing this for?• What does this excited state do for your contact with yourself?

• With others?

• Is it satisfying?

• Is it possible to drop one or two activities per day to give yourself a little breathing roomand to ensure that you will be able to fully enjoy the experiences you have committed to?

• Are you more serious about the excitement of having new plans and possibilities than the

excitement of the process and satisfaction of finishing them?•

To what degree are you “addicted” to staying on the move at the expense of actuallyaccomplishing something important to yourself?

THE INSTINCTIVE TRIAD: Types Eight, Nine and One

Type Eight – The Asserter

• How does it feel to lose control?

• How do you manage your will to dominate?


•

How often do you depend on others? How does it feel?• Do you ever put yourself under tremendous pressure to provide for others, to be strong

for them, to never cry, show weakness, doubt or have indecision?• Explore the various circumstances in which you have put yourself under this kind of

pressure? Who were you doing it for? Was the outcome worth the effort?

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• What do you think would have happened if you had been a little easier on yourself?

• How often are you reactive to situations?

• How could you act on impulse in a more relaxing quiet manner?

Type Nine – Peacemaker

• How do you deal with conflict?

• What do you do to relax?

•

What’s the outcome of the way you deal with conflict?• Anger: how do you understand and express it?

• How do you assert yourself?


• Think of times in which you went along with the plans, preferences, or choices of others

and submerged your own choices? What did this do to your sense of involvement?• Make a list of things in your life that excite you? Don’t edit yourself

• What steps could you take to become more like that person? This week? This year?

• What kind of person would you be if you could?

• Are you aware that you may have “checked out” in your life?

•

What sort of early warning system could you use to prevent you from shutting downagain in the future?

Type One – The Perfectionist

• What does the word perfectionist mean to you?

• What would you do if you could not fail?

• What would happen in you failed or were wrong?

• How is this issue a reflection of your personality?• What is great about you?

And some more questions to help you with this type of client:•

In what aspects of your life do you feel the need to do the “right” thing?• Do you notice this pattern in yourself?

• What situations, specifically are you likely to bring this up?

• When this occurs, what opinions are you holding about others?

• In what way are you disappointed in yourself?

• What standards are you measuring everything against?

• Do you ever question and examine the nature of these standards and their effect on youand the other people in your life?

• When do you find yourself becoming frantic about some goal you have set, stop and ask

yourself what is really at stake?

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS

1. Practice: “Enroll” a practice parent client – someone who may be curious about what you

are up to with Family Coaching who is not familiar with the Enneagram.

Ask this person to take the “test” either on line or with the book. DO NOT TYPE THEM

YOURSELF – you are empowering them to “catch onto themselves.”

Allow this to unfold over a day or two. After they take the test, conduct a “session”

without coaching – just stay curious and ask them what they learned about themselves.

Do not try to coach them into a new place….that comes later. Observe yourself using this

tool.


a. Share your practice session with your buddy – and insights?

b. Discuss how you see using this tool in your coaching.



i.

What am I learning about these distinctions?ii. What did I LEARN from my buddy?


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CLASS #7 – MY COACHING PHILOSOPHY


Learning Outcome: Tying together past experience and new learning to form your own personal voice or philosophy of coaching


“This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

Polonius Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82 William Shakespeare

"A philosophy is the expression of a man's inner character." -William James

1. What is a well-articulated philosophy of coaching?

2. Why is this important?

3. What other professionals and professions use this term?

4. What is philosophy?

a. Core Set of non-negotiable beliefs

b.

Philo – knowledge

c. Sophia – wisdom

d. An attitude, way of life, or thinking pattern that informs your actions.

5. Why should we have a philosophy of coaching – specifically a family coaching

philosophy?

6. What is different about a philosophy of life vs a family coaching philosophy?

7.

A philosophy of coaching, or family coaching “WILL INFORM your practice.” It willassist you in coaching moments with endless creativity with healthy boundaries, intuition

and proper choice of thinking and speaking. It will direct your practice of

coaching….hence it will direct your business direction.

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NOTES

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ACTION STEPS

1. Research; Broaden your thinking about a philosophy of life by reading/studying the

following links.

http://www.celt.iastate.edu/teaching/philosophy.html

http://www.atlassociety.org/why_does_anyone_need_philosophy

http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/SiteMapICPhilos.html

Google Christian Philosophy, philosophers, history of philosophy, etc

2. Write: Write out your one to two paragraph philosophy of coaching statement.

Remember this is not an expose of “coaching is…..” Start your sentence with this; “My

philosophy of coaching……”


a. Read your Philosophy of Coaching to your buddy – encourage and uplift.

b. Discuss how you see yourself sharing these with your clients.


a. My Philosophy of Family Coaching

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CLASS #8 – SYNTHESIS AND INTEGRATION


Learning Outcome: Synthesize Family Coaching to date. Explore integration into yourcoaching business.


Blooms Revised Taxonomy presents a guidepost to adult (and teen) learning. Synthesis isCreating : Builds a structure or pattern from diverse elements. Put parts together to form a

whole, with emphasis on creating a new meaning or structure.

This is the highest form of learning and mandatory for all family coaches to push their ownlearning capacity to this level, as it will be required in the complexities of family coaching.

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Category Example and Key Words (verbs)

Examples: Recite a policy. Quote prices from memory to a customer. Knows

the safety rules.

Key Words: defines, describes, identifies, knows, labels, lists, matches,names, outlines, recalls, recognizes, reproduces, selects, states.

Examples: Rewrites the principles of test writing. Explain in one's own words

the steps for performing a complex task. Translates an equation into a

computer spreadsheet.

Key Words: comprehends, converts, defends, distinguishes, estimates,

explains, extends, generalizes, gives an example, infers, interprets,

paraphrases, predicts, rewrites, summarizes, translates.

Examples: Use a manual to calculate an employee's vacation time. Apply

laws of statistics to evaluate the reliability of a written test.

Key Words: applies, changes, computes, constructs, demonstrates,

discovers, manipulates, modifies, operates, predicts, prepares, produces,

relates, shows, solves, uses.

Examples: Troubleshoot a piece of equipment by using logical deduction.

Recognize logical fallacies in reasoning. Gathers information from a

department and selects the required tasks for training.

Key Words: analyzes, breaks down, compares, contrasts, diagrams,

deconstructs, differentiates, discriminates, distinguishes, identifies, illustrates,

infers, outlines, relates, selects, separates.Examples: Select the most effective solution. Hire the most qualified

candidate. Explain and justify a new budget.

Key Words: appraises, compares, concludes, contrasts, criticizes, critiques,

defends, describes, discriminates, evaluates, explains, interprets, justifies,

relates, summarizes, supports.

Examples: Write a company operations or process manual. Design a machine

to perform a specific task. Integrates training from several sources to solve a

problem. Revises and process to improve the outcome.

Key Words: categorizes, combines, compiles, composes, creates, devises,

designs, explains, generates, modifies, organizes, plans, rearranges,

reconstructs, relates, reorganizes, revises, rewrites, summarizes, tells, writes.

Creating: Builds a structure or

pattern from diverse elements. Put

parts together to form a whole, with

emphasis on creating a new

meaning or structure.

Blooms Revised Taxonomy

Remembering: Recall previous

learned information.

Understanding: Comprehending

the meaning, translation,

interpolation, and interpretation of

instructions and problems. State a

problem in one's own words.

Applying: Use a concept in a new

situation or unprompted use of anabstraction. Applies what was

learned in the classroom into novel

situations in the work place.

Analyzing: Separates material or

concepts into component parts so

that its organizational structure

may be understood. Distinguishes

between facts and inferences.

Evaluating: Make judgments

about the value of ideas or

materials.

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ACTION STEPS

1. Buddy Call: Discuss with your buddy the following;

a. Celebrate your wins, key learning and accomplishments with each other and give

a hearty round of thanks. Acknowledge that you will be switching buddies

starting next week.

2. Read: The Parent as Coach Approach book and listen to the audio book, Watch the dvd,

use the action cards and explore the GradeMaker. More will be shared in the next

Module.

3. Write and Send into RCI and my buddy within 7 days.


i. What have I learned so far?

ii. What did I LEARN from my buddy?


4. Write and send into RCI and my buddy within 7 days:

a. One to Two page book summary of Choice Theory and The Enneagram Made

Easy. (You may be sharing these with clients in your resource kit.)

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BOOK SUMMARY GUIDELINES

STEP ONEStart with an introduction. Identify the title of the book and its author in the first sentence.Distinguish the purpose or the main ideas of the chosen book, presenting only theessential highlights. Use your own words and do not inject any personal opinions orcomments.

STEP TWOBuild the body of the summary. Be concise. Organize paragraphs according to the flow ofthe book in a consistent sequence. Include important specifics and omit minor details.Encapsulate the intention of the author and his narrative using precise examples from thetext to give credence and support to any statements you made in the introduction. Thissection should be between two and five paragraphs long, depending on the complexity ofthe book.

STEP THREEWrite a one-paragraph conclusion as to how this is relevant to Family Coaching. Close

the summary with key points from the previous paragraphs. Do not add new material.Remain impartial throughout.

STEP FOURProofread the summary before submitting it. Check for grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. Meet the journalist's rule when reading it through--check to see if thesummary answers who, what, why, where, when and how. Double-check that thesummary does not alter the significance or meaning of the story from the author'sviewpoint.

TIPS

•

Read the book thoroughly.• Understand what you are reading.

• Take notes for reference later.

• Refer to the notes often when writing the summary.

• Don't plagiarize.

• Use your own words.

Congratulations on all of the learning, growth and insights over the past 8 classes.

See you in Module Two!!

Onward!

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