Fall Walk Sentences2014

5th Grade Classes

Flint Springs Elementary

Looks like a strong crop of writers in your class this school year!

This year’s grouping is outstanding! I thoroughly enjoyed just reading through them. Some

I had to read out loud. I had to share with my office partner. They were that good! Please

thank your students for me. They made a rainy autumn afternoon

very pleasant.

Just ten?  These are magnificent!  It was really

hard to pick.   I am stunned by the imagery, similes,

metaphors, and personification.   These are by far the most mature Fall

Sentences to date.   

Golden-brown, the hawk perches, then little by little

spreads his wings and soars.

This is like I watched it happen.

The limbs of this scraggly tree seem like they are trying to capture me.

Love the description of the “scraggly tree.” I can see the small, stiff-branched, tree. And the verb “capture” is genius. We’ve all gotten our pant leg caught in those annoying little trees before. Love the memory you conjured up for this reader!

Colors burst from the trees like splattered paint.

Love the simile! Great imagery! The word choice is strong. Reading it aloud lets you “hear” the imagery/energy: burst and splattered paint.

Autumn’s trees, we live in her

reds and greens as she dances

in the wind.

What wonderful personification. I can see/feel autumn dancing in the wind. The placement of the word “we” makes it even stronger as it invites the reader to join the moment.

Green and red leaves secretly abandon the wide oak tree.

Great use of personification. Love the adverb/verb combo: secretly abandon. I can just hear them whispering “shh” as they fall off the wide oak.

One unique tree frog wears his

copper coat and croaks in the

morning sun.

This sentence sings with alliteration and rhythm. I love the setting you’ve created with “morning sun.” I can see it as it reflects off the little frog’s copper coat. Forgive me, the little tree frog’s copper coat. (Thank you for the exact noun: tree frog.)

Asters in the tall yellow grass rise like bright purple fireworks.*

The shape of these flowers all bunched up is exactly like a fireworks explosion. It’s not in a night sky, but it is in a field of dull colors. Nice.

* Picked by more than one judge as a favorite!

Crickets started chirping, frogs jumped in, the wind started singing, and with the crunching of the leaves, all together it sounded like a symphony.*

I hear it! There’s a great pun in there too; frogs “jumped” in! Clever. I wonder if you could have written this by starting with, “It sounded like a symphony when…”

* Picked by more than one judge as a favorite!

The wind sends chills through

every living thing like a warning

of what is to come.*

This sentence foretells of winter, but still shows us fall. Winter is hard on all living creatures, especially me!

* Picked by more than one judge as a favorite!

Under this oak tree, the brick

red leaves lay on the ground

staring back up, wondering what

happened.*

Love the imagery and personification. Poor little leaves don’t know what hit them! One minute they’re hanging in place looking good; next thing they know—they’re flat on their backs on the ground.

* Picked by more than one judge as a favorite!

Fall leaves hang on the trees like

ripe fruit.*

Way to create a metaphor that is more than just an adjective/noun combo plate. You included the verb, too, making it a full meal. This metaphor works so well because you “picked” something to compare the leaves to that would help the reader use his background knowledge to know what was going to happen. What happens to ripe fruit? It falls off the tree.

* Picked by more than one judge as a favorite!

The wind blows through my hair

as if it’s late for a date.*

What a great non-cliché simile! It not only provides a great comparison but gives the wind an attitude—and a mission.

* Picked by more than one judge as a favorite!

An advancing army of leaves fall ready to invade the ground.*

Love that you continued the metaphor beyond the adjective/noun all the way to the verb! Great use of alliteration to begin the sentence.

* Picked by more than one judge as a favorite!

Grasshoppers protest against

change and the cold blanket of

winter.*

I love this personification! I can just see the grasshoppers with their little picket signs now: DOWN WITH WINTER! Nice description and metaphor for winter.

* Picked by more than one judge as a favorite!

Trees are burning in the

sunlight; flowers are blazing in

the yellow haze: this wonderful

and beautiful season begins its

final phase.*

OH MY! The rhythm, the rhyme, and the punctuation! THIS IS AMAZING! Not to mention, the sentiment of your sentence is outstanding. The notion of a “final phase” is just brilliant!

* #1 Favorite!

Fall is like having the perfect

apple, crisp and sweet, but once

it’s gone it will take awhile to

get another one.*

A unique take on fall. Not a sentence about the physical setting (like most others did), but the sense of taste. Great idea! The sentiment of your sentence is strong, but the word choice is fairly typical. With only one sentence, I was wishing for more powerful description or more unique phrasing.

* #1 Favorite!

Watch the leaves fall off all the

trees, landing in a lake of good-

byes.*

Love the alliteration and image of landing in a lake of good-byes. Definitely captures the melancholy of fall as the leaves depart. A lake of good-byes is so poetic!

* Picked by more than one judge as a favorite!* #1 Favorite!

You never know where it’s going to go when you publish something in your life – you just have to do it and believe.

-DeWitt Jones