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Exquisite Magazine

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  • NOVEMBER * 2014

    EXQUISITESA

    NS

    LIM

    ITES

  • LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLHELL YEAH!You can be the most beautiful person in the world and every-body sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you

    yourself dont know it, all of that doesnt even matter. Every sec-ond that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that

    you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a

    moment of your life thrown away. Its not like you have forever,

    so dont waste any of your seconds, dont throw even one of your

    moments away.

    C. JoyBell C.

  • Failure Can Help You SucceedOUR DEEPEST FEAR IS NOT THAT WE ARE INADEQUATE.OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE. MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

  • WHEN MY SON WAS 3, HE ABSOLUTELY WANTED TO GO ON A SMALL ROLLER COASTER. WE TRIED TO DISSUADE HIM BUT IN THE END I GAVE IN AND TOOK HIM. I COULD SEE HE WAS SCARED DURING THE STEEP DOWNHILLS.WHEN I ASKED HIM AFTERWARDS HOW IT FELT HE SAID: I WAS SCARED. BUT IT WAS GOOD SCARED. AND HE WANTED TO GO AGAIN. AT THREE HE HAD NAILED THE WHOLE NOTION OF FEAR!HOWS THAT YOU ASK?

    Waiting:Are you just waiting for people to get you before taking any action?Are you waiting for someone to tell you to do it?Are you waiting for criticism or judgment?Are you victim of the When/Then Syndrome? (When this or that happens, Then I will be able to move on?) Sitting in the waiting room drains your energy. Literally. Youre not doing anything. Youre not in control of your life. Youre putting your life on hold and in the hands of someone to make a decision for you or for something to happen to you.

    Explaining:Are you constantly explaining to people why youre doing something or not doing something?Are you justifying your choices, even to yourself? By explaining everything you do, youre playing small. Youre reacting instead of creating your life.

    Doubting:Are you having doubts (the unrealistic ones) that keep you from starting anything?Are you saying things like well, maybe when an oppor-tunity comes up? Doubts are actions of protection. But when confront-ed with unrealistic doubts, the protection becomes an excuse. The well, maybe language you use is victim speak: it lets fear in through the back door instead of the front.

    Comfort and routine:Are you happy with the way things are?Are you frustrated if your routine is upset by something?Are you refusing actions and projects that could unsettle your comfortable situation? By staying in your comfort zone, youll have a tendency to fall asleep and let life pass you by.

    Sometimes its even so well disguised that we call it something else. For instance, have you ever used these crutches?

    Fear can manifest in many different ways.

    As you can see, fear has a powerful negative influence on your life when you are waiting, explaining, doubting or just feeling too comfortable in your routine.If you let fear have this influence, it can easily turn into a phobia. A phobia is an extreme, irrational fear. This type of fear can put a roadblock in your drive to success.Fear of failure (atychiphobia) is one of the most common and most paralyzing phobias.Its a vicious circle: we are so worried about failing that we dont try something. This can subconsciously undermine our efforts so we dont try anymore. It then becomes fear of success. And doesnt that sound ridiculous?

    Why failure is necessary and helps you succeed Lets say you had a baby about a year ago and its starting to make its first attempts at walking. One day, it finally takes its first step. And whoops, falls to the floor. Do you as parents say: Oh well, guess this one wasnt made for walking? and put him in a chair forever? Of course not, you let him try again and again and eventual-ly, out of nowhere he walks across the room.Failure in this case is babys best teacher. Its not a confirmation that hes useless. It teaches him to change something so next time, or the time after, it may work.There is an excellent commercial where Michael Jordan says he has missed more than 9000 shots, lost more than 300 games and missed 26 game-winning shots. He says he has failed over and over again in his life and that is why he succeeds.

    And thats what life is all about: progression, not perfection.Progression is not selling yourself short, underachieving or letting yourself down. Progression is a journey that leads to accomplishment, to moving on, to developing a better you, a better life. Its here to teach you your flaws and how they can be beautiful.Or as Leonardo Da Vinci put it: An arch is two weak-nesses which together make a strength.So next time youre afraid of failure, or something else, trust my son: it is good scared! Dont be afraid to be powerful beyond measure. Go find another weakness, combine the two and build arches! Do it scared!

  • DETERMINATION AGAINST ALL ODDS

    You can have unbelievable intelligence, you

    can have connections, you can have opportunities fall out of the sky.

    But in the end, hard work is the true, enduring characteristic of successful people.

  • R ita Levi-Montalcini was a scientist in Italy at a time when few women were scientists. She was born into a rich Jewish family in Turin and studied medicine against her fathers wishes, building a lab in her bedroom where she grew nerve fibres using chicken embryos. Then war broke out, and being a woman scientist and Jewishboth of which were banned by the Fascistsshe was under threat of persecution. But instead of halting her research, she moved her lab into the cellar and continued her work. This determination to carry on against all the odds impressed me very strong-ly. She put research above everything else, and pursued it with a passion that was never diluted by age. Even well into her 90s, she would go into the lab every day, always immaculately dressed in old-fashioned clothes with lots of ribbons.After the war she moved to Washington University in St Louis, Missouri. And it was there, working with Stanley Cohen, that she proved the existence of nerve-growth factor, a substance produced in the limb buds that stimulates nerve growth.

    I was just starting my PhD in 1986 when she won her Nobel. Suddenlyboom!she was known to every-one in Italy. I started to be interested in her life; that she was a woman and Italian was a huge inspiration. She represented what I wanted to do: research, the pursuit of knowledge, exploring new territories and going beyond what is known. Later on, as I got older and more mature, her life provided an example of how a scientist should behavewith humility and modesty. Newton said: What we know is a droplet; what we dont know is an ocean. It is still true todaywe know so little about our universe.Rita kept a low profile and lived modestly. She had decided in childhood not to get married or to have children, and she never regretted that deci-sion. In 2001, she was made a senator for life by the Italian government, and she continued to work for science past her 100th year, her intellectual curiosity undimmed to the end.

  • In the Beginning there was Eve

    Spiritual, Intellectual and Emotional Fulfillment

    Good is towing the line, being behaved, being quiet, being passive, fitting in, being liked; and great is being messy, having a belly, speaking your mind, standing up for what you believe in, fighting for another paradigm, not letting people

    talk you out of what you know to be true. Eve Ensler

  • According to the bible, ve was the orig-inal bad girl. Eves original sin was to stop

    being good and, instead follow the desire to act on her spiritual and intellectual hunger. She ate the apple with curiosity and the recognition that she wanted more than what Eden provid-ed. For millennia women have been labeled as good if we follow the rules, dont ask too many questions, and stifle our passions. Fortunately we now live in an exciting time when our hun-ger for spiritual, intellectual and emotional fulfill-ment is supported and encouraged. And much of this support and encouragement comes from us talking to each other and sharing our visions!The desire to be that good girl is still deeply ingrained in all of us. As Eve Ensler talks about in her play, this self-hatred we carry requires choices. Choices such as giving ourselves the healing we need, and then redirecting and transforming this self-hatred toward changing the world. First, imagine all the energy we use to make ourselves sexier, more adorable, skinnier, and more successful. Then, imag-ine instead using all that energy to make a difference in our world! Now imagine all the money we would save if we directed our finances toward what we believe in rather than making ourselves over.What stops us from exploring our pas-sions? What is the negative self-talk we continually hear? Maybe we have final-ly decided to accept our curly hair, our big brown eyes, or full lips? For those of us growing wiser, maybe we finally have come to peace with our flabby, ag-ing bodies? Maybe we arent so afraid to stick our necks out and stand up for what we believe in? And still it is so easy to fall short of our sense of perfection. Whenever we criticize ourselves merci-lessly for not doing enough in our day, we are bleeding away our spiritual life force. The ways we pinch ourselves and make ourselves smaller is endless, ex-hausting, and fruitless.What can we do to enhance a new para-

    digm, heal ourselves, and inspire others to follow their own enthusiasm?

    We can unearth our stories, create them in whatever form they take, and liberally share them with all those we love. Every one of us has creative bones. The phrase, I dont have a creative bone in my body is a lie perpetuated to keep women being good. Our creativity takes so many different forms, from writing our stor