Empowered 2 ActEmpowered 2 ActLesson 4: Setting Positive Dating Lesson 4: Setting Positive Dating

StandardsStandards

All decisions have All decisions have consequences.  consequences.  

The goal of this The goal of this lesson is to lesson is to encourage godly encourage godly dating practices dating practices which leads to which leads to positive outcomes. positive outcomes.

The Importance of Positive The Importance of Positive Dating StandardsDating Standards

• Demonstrating the bonding Demonstrating the bonding experience experience

GoalsGoals

• Discuss various dating practices in the light of Discuss various dating practices in the light of God’s Word.God’s Word.

• Identify the consequences of positive and negative Identify the consequences of positive and negative dating decisions.dating decisions.

• Learn the Twelve Steps of Bonding.Learn the Twelve Steps of Bonding.

• Recognize the effects of legal and illegal drug use Recognize the effects of legal and illegal drug use within a dating relationship.within a dating relationship.

DiscussionDiscussion

The typical Hollywood relationship shows a The typical Hollywood relationship shows a couple meeting, being sexually attracted couple meeting, being sexually attracted to each other, and getting into bed. What to each other, and getting into bed. What is it about that scenario that we like?is it about that scenario that we like?

DiscussionDiscussion

Sexual attraction and intimacy are Sexual attraction and intimacy are discussed in the Bible, but we Christians discussed in the Bible, but we Christians seldom talk about it. Why is that?seldom talk about it. Why is that?

DiscussionDiscussion

You have been told by your parents, You have been told by your parents, pastor, and other adults that sex outside pastor, and other adults that sex outside of marriage is wrong. But, how far can a of marriage is wrong. But, how far can a couple go without sinning?couple go without sinning?

DiscussionDiscussion

Most teens today know that premarital sex can Most teens today know that premarital sex can lead to an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. Both lead to an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. Both are negative consequences, yet teens become are negative consequences, yet teens become sexually active anyway. Why aren’t these sexually active anyway. Why aren’t these realities keeping teens abstinent?realities keeping teens abstinent?

DiscussionDiscussion

Is sex good or bad?Is sex good or bad?

DiscussionDiscussion

Sex can be a very selfish act or a beautiful Sex can be a very selfish act or a beautiful experience of sharing. Why do you think experience of sharing. Why do you think our society has chosen to glorify the our society has chosen to glorify the selfish aspect of it?selfish aspect of it?

DiscussionDiscussion

It is commonly known that drugs and alcohol lead It is commonly known that drugs and alcohol lead people to drop their level of inhibition. Why do people to drop their level of inhibition. Why do people use drugs or alcohol if they know it could people use drugs or alcohol if they know it could lead to a poor decision about sexual activity?lead to a poor decision about sexual activity?

DiscussionDiscussion

The title of this program is The title of this program is Empowered 2 ActEmpowered 2 Act and and emphasizes the role of God’s Word in emphasizes the role of God’s Word in empowering you to make godly decisions. How empowering you to make godly decisions. How can you make God’s Word a meaningful part of can you make God’s Word a meaningful part of your dating experiences?your dating experiences?

The Twelve Steps of The Twelve Steps of BondingBonding

1.1. Eye to bodyEye to body

2.2. Eye to eyeEye to eye

3.3. Voice to voiceVoice to voice

4.4. Hand to handHand to hand

5.5. Arm to Arm to shouldershoulder

6.6. Arm to waistArm to waist

7.7. Face to faceFace to face

8.8. Hand to headHand to head

9.9. Hand to bodyHand to body

10.10. Mouth to Mouth to breastbreast

11.11. Hand to Hand to genitalgenital

12.12. Genital to Genital to genitalgenital

Activity: Pizza Love vs. Real Activity: Pizza Love vs. Real LoveLove

All of us love pizza. We are so eager to eat All of us love pizza. We are so eager to eat it, we even burn our mouths. We eagerly it, we even burn our mouths. We eagerly finish off a few pieces. Pretty soon, finish off a few pieces. Pretty soon, however, there are pieces left but little however, there are pieces left but little desire now that you have had your fill. desire now that you have had your fill. Later on, the pizza gets cold as it sits in the Later on, the pizza gets cold as it sits in the box. It is no longer desirable. box. It is no longer desirable. Now, consider whether your relationship is Now, consider whether your relationship is “Pizza Love” or real love. You say you want “Pizza Love” or real love. You say you want to be close to that person and you can’t get to be close to that person and you can’t get enough of him/her. Yet, if you get too much enough of him/her. Yet, if you get too much of that person, you become turned off and of that person, you become turned off and no longer desire time together. Like pizza, no longer desire time together. Like pizza, your date is simply someone who gives you your date is simply someone who gives you some short-term pleasure.some short-term pleasure.

Activity: Fun DatingActivity: Fun Dating

At times, you have no desire to consider At times, you have no desire to consider a long-term relationship but simply want a long-term relationship but simply want to enjoy time together with a person of to enjoy time together with a person of the opposite sex. You go out together the opposite sex. You go out together and enjoy each other’s company, but and enjoy each other’s company, but you don’t want to become too serious. you don’t want to become too serious. The rules of fun dating are different, The rules of fun dating are different, because the ultimate goal is different. because the ultimate goal is different. There should be no such thing as There should be no such thing as “friends with benefits” or “relationships “friends with benefits” or “relationships without consequences.”without consequences.”

Activity: Setting Standards Activity: Setting Standards for Lovefor Love

List some traits that you will look for in a List some traits that you will look for in a girlfriend/ boyfriend? Will that list change girlfriend/ boyfriend? Will that list change when you are serious about looking for a when you are serious about looking for a spouse?spouse?

Activity: Memory VersesActivity: Memory Verses

Select favorite Bible passages that Select favorite Bible passages that remind you to make God-pleasing remind you to make God-pleasing decisions in your dating life. Read decisions in your dating life. Read those passages regularly and those passages regularly and memorize them. Write them on memorize them. Write them on pieces of paper and put them in pieces of paper and put them in places where you will see them every places where you will see them every day.day.

Guidelines to Help you Stay Guidelines to Help you Stay AbstinentAbstinent

1. 1. Don’t put yourself in alone situations.Don’t put yourself in alone situations.

2. 2. Don’t stay out past curfew.Don’t stay out past curfew.

3. 3. Go out with a person of good values.Go out with a person of good values.

4. 4. Avoid tempting situations.Avoid tempting situations.

5. 5. Know what you are doing and where you are Know what you are doing and where you are

going.going.

6. 6. Avoid touching in intimate ways or places.Avoid touching in intimate ways or places.

7. 7. Avoid drugs and alcohol.Avoid drugs and alcohol.

8. 8. Have someone check up on you.Have someone check up on you.

9. 9. Avoid those who have a “reputation”.Avoid those who have a “reputation”.

10. 10. Use your parents: “My mom would ground Use your parents: “My mom would ground me for life if I do that!” or “Let’s call my dad, me for life if I do that!” or “Let’s call my dad, if it’s okay with him it’s okay with me.”if it’s okay with him it’s okay with me.”

11. 11. Keep your clothes on, stay vertical, and do Keep your clothes on, stay vertical, and do not allow touching below the neck.not allow touching below the neck.

12. 12. Develop a list of guidelines between you and Develop a list of guidelines between you and your partner reflecting your morals on what your partner reflecting your morals on what EXACTLYEXACTLY is okay or not okay to do when is okay or not okay to do when

being intimate.being intimate.

13. 13. Create a “safety word” to use with your Create a “safety word” to use with your partner that you can say when things are partner that you can say when things are going too far too fast so you both can step going too far too fast so you both can step back back and calm down.and calm down.