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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Xpakym op Zoc`km Yxaimydkx Wayrmnalb
Xarrol Oywanr,,, ky olm o rdoym papm xmpopcmpy wdoym
carmpkan rpalynarmy klro al{ cmbk}c wkrdo}r noyklg kry
ydapxlmyyklin}bklg. op rdm epyr rkcm. xpklr, , , , Kr ky
wmnn woprd kr ro jokl dkc ol dky ob{yym{,
Rdm Waydklgrol Xoyr
A `mnkmua`nm xoprpakr o a wkrr{. u}nlmpa`nm }ll{cal,
Rdm a}ro`kogpaxdkian xayyagmy,,, daum rdm bmrakn alb
mcorkolan l}alim o elm ydopr yropkmy,
Mlrmpraklcmlr Wmmfn{
VOywanrS `pklgy rdar xoyrcobmpl ymlyk`knkr{ ro dky bm`}r
`oof. a wknbn{ bkumpym ionnmirkol o myya{y rdar iapmmlypoc yklimpm klrpoyxmirkol ro klumlrkum iocmbki carmpkan
rdar wo}nb er ymacnmyyn{ klro olm o dky ymry, , , , Rdm
d}cop iocmy poc dky ydapx yrop{rmnnklg alb yapbolki
wkr, , , , VOywanrS xox}narmy rdmym yropkmy wkrd mtxmprn{
bpawl idapairmpy. alb kl}ymy rdmc wkrd a nkckrnmyy y}x#
xn{ o i}nr}pan pmmpmlimy alb bmr r}ply o xdpaym,Rdm @oyrol Gno`m
A rdo}gdr}n. dknapko}y. q}ayk#cmcokp rdar x}ry rdm
yralbapb#kyy}m iocmb{#po}rklm#kl#`oof#opc ro ydacm,
YXKL
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Zoc`km Yxaimydkx Wayrmnalbky ump{ c}id a cmcokp
alb a y}`rn{ da}lrklg olm ar rdar, ,,, Rdo}gdr}n. xok#
glalr xpoym muofm al a}pa o noyy rdar xmpcmarmy rdm
mlrkpm ionnmirkol,
Yxnkrykbmp,ioc
Anrmplarmn{ pmumanklg. dknapko}y. alb nkukb. a bmyipkxrkol
rdar wo}nb ymmc ro axxn{ mq}ann{ ro VOywanryS wopf ay a
yralb#}x iocmbkal,Dkret,ioc
E}prdmp xpoo rdar Xarrol Oywanr ky wa{ }llkmp rdal
K ac. wdkid ky mkrdmp dkgd xpakym op al kly}nr, [o}p iann,
J}bb Axarow
Xarrol Oywanr ky a `pknnkalr papkr{: a pmnmlrnmyyn{ ipmarkum
alb opkgklan iocki wdo ky anyo a y}xmp` wpkrmp, K {o}
bolr `}{ rdky `oof {o} apm a oon alb K wknn. K ywmap.
egdr {o},
Iolal O@pkml
E}ll{. rdo}gdr}n yr}, Xarrol anrmplarmy rdm yxkr#rafm
dknapkr{ o a gpmar yralb#}x wkrd rdm q}kmr. copbalr
klykgdr rdar inmapn{ dmnxmb cafm dkc olm, Wdkid ky acaz#
klg. ia}ym dmy al kbkor,
Joyy Wdmbol
Ealy o Xarrol Oywanry yralb#}x iocmb{ daum anwa{yflowl dm way a `opl wpkrmp ar dmapr. alb low dmpmy rdm
xpoo, Rdky ky a y}pxpkyklgn{ amirklg. yklimpm. alb K bapm#
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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ya{. u}nlmpa`nm ionnmirkol o myya{y. ann fmmln{ o`ympumb.
anwa{y ump{ }ll{,
Baum Mggmpy
K bolr flow wdary ydapxmp. Oywanry pakly op Oywanry
rolg}m,
Yapad Uowmnn
K daum kcxmiia`nm rayrm. alb K oln{ iolumpym wkrd rdm on#nowklg rdpmm: Gob. rdm Bmukn. alb Xarrol Oywanr, Ann rdpmm
daum oxmlmb op cm, Rdky `oof ky a }ll{ rpagmb{, [o}nn
na}gd. {o}nn ip{. {o}nn iolumpr ro Xarrolkyc, K {o} bo
lor noum rdky `oof. pmcmc`mp. K flow wdmpm {o} nkum kl
{o}p cordmpy `aymcmlr,
Dapnal Mnnkyol
XmpmirK ial bmyipk`m Xarroly `oof rdm yacm wa{ K
bmyipk`m dky yralb#}x`pknnkalr alb xponkei, K ac ynaif#
jawmb. acazmb. alb nmr mmnklg `ord klyxkpmb alb pa}b}#
nmlr,
Yapad Yknumpcal
Xarrol Oywanr ky acolg rdm }llkmyr olyragm ranfklg
d}caly K ac awapm o. yo kr allo{y cm bmmxn{ rdar dm
ky anyo al klipmbk`n{ ranmlrmb wpkrmp, Kr allo{y cm. `}r kr
bomy lor y}pxpkym cm, Mump{ ymlrmlim kl rdky oof ky }ll{
$mtimxr op rdm yab olmy+. }r kr anyo `pkcy wkrd Oywanrkal
ycapry alb y}pxpkyklg xokglali{,Jodl Dobgcal
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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A
XA A
LOUMNY
Rdm @palloif Booc. Bmukny @pakl#Ionnmirop Ympkmy
Rdm Eopgorrml Roc` o rdm Wopc#Ympxmlr
Rdm Pmcmc`mpmb Ikrabmn o Yipmmidklg Ukirop{
Rdm Noyr Cagm#Xkr
Rdm Bkyioumpmb Wkrid#Fmmx
Rdm Eanymn{ Pmioumpmb Rponn#@og Cmcop{
Rdm Rdalm Yrap#Cklb Ympkmy
Rdm Lordklg Pa{
Yolg o rdm I{p}y#= Bpmac D}lrmpy
Yalb#Pkbmpy o rdm Ekrd Ykgkn
Albpo#@opg#@or
Yonap YrapGanairki ]lkumpym
IDKNBPMLY @OOFY
Rdm Ialb{ Ual
A Mwm Lacmb ]bo Wdo Bomy J}bo alb Ordmp Xomcy
Mump{olm Pmymlry
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Zcm
XAimdX
AmAb
A oof `{
Xarrol ywanr
YIPK@LMP
Lmw [opf Nolbol Ropolro Y{blm{ Lmw Bmndk
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Eop Ankim alb ckidmnnm
{ yxaimydkxy awa{
epo rdm zo`km wayrmnalb
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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pky `naf rapy!
Iklb{ @pab{. Rdm @pab{ @}lid
p rp{klg ro y}puku a l}nap wap p!
y. `}r w al o kr kl yr{n,,,
Dowapb alb Capkol I}llklgdac. Daxx{ Ba{y
py lorklg kl r apf rar kylr rp kl r nkgr,
Cajop Epalf @}ply. C*A*Y*D
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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iolrlry
Xpmaim Eopmwopb Klrpo 1
Rkifmr @oord 7
X}lid#]x Lormy 9=
Wmpm Xna{klg Ylow Eopr 27
Xpmn}bm ro Rdm Yolg o ]nuaaf ==
Rdm Yolg o ]nuaaf 59
Ol a Yrpmmr kl Lmw Opnmaly 5;
Xmrmp P}lona 7;Wklmy `{ rdm Gnayy ;1
Zoc`km Yxaimydkx Wayrmnalb ;=
Idacocknm Fkrrml Gpmmrklg Iapby 18=
A Dkyrop{ o Acmpkia poc 1;44 ro 1;;5: AyPmio}lrmb `{ rdm Rdpmm R{xmy o Iocmbkaly KOxmlmb op Wdknm Wopfklg In}`y ol rdm Poab 10=
Rdm Ukirop{ Ro}p 19;
Rdoym Onb Do`o Yolgy. Rdm{ Yrknn Yxmaf ro ]y 15;
K Wmlr ro al CRU Gkrklg Y}krm alb Ann K Gor WayRdky No}y{ Awapmlmyy o C{ Owl Ydannowlmyy 177
Cap{ I, P}lona Mtxnakly Dmp Gkry 14=
Axxmlbkt A: Mpkf @nmukly 1;1
Axxmlbkt @: Lmknn I}cxyrol 09;
Rdalfy Xpoxy F}boy 059
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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1
Xpa Eopwop lrpo
Kl ckbbnm yidoon. K yraprmb pmabklg,
Kb `mml pmabklg yklim fklbmpgaprml, Kr way b}rk}n
alb opbmpn{, Xoklr @ onnowmb Xoklr A,
@}r yocmrdklg daxxmlmb kl ckbbnm yidoona xmpmir
ankglcmlr o xapmlran y}xxopr alb `mlkgl lmgnmir, Rdm
xapmlran y}xxopr iacm poc fmmxklg cm yroifmb kl @mu#mpn{ Inmap{. Jodl @mnnakpy. Rdm Gpmar @pakl `oofy. alb
Balkmn Xklfwarmp, Anyo @pkbgm ro Rmpa`krdka. Rdm X}yd#
iapr Wap. Dow ro Mar Epkmb Wopcyalb rdm xapannmn#
}lkumpym. olm#rwo cklb#ipaif oRdm @}nn{ oe @apfdac
Yrpmmralb A Bog ol @apfdac Yrpmmr,
Alb rdml rdmpm way rdm `nmyymb. `mlkgl lmgnmir,
Rdm lmgnmir gpmw o}r o rdm yacm y}xxopr, C{
coc alb bab wmpm `ord `}y{. wopfklg jo`y alb rp{klg
ro pakym rwo fkby b}pklg }limprakl rkcmy, Kl rdm p}yd o
rp{klg ro elb yocmrdklg lmw op cm ro pmab. rdm{b gpa`
yocmrdklg o rdm ydmn ar Wanbml`oofy armp oln{ gnali#
klg ar rdm iox{ ol rdm `aif,
Wdomump bkb a no}y{ jo` wpkrklg iox{ op `oofy nkfmPkidapb @pa}rkgaly Rdm Dawfnklm Colyrmp. D, X, Noum#
ipary Ar rdm Co}lrakly oe Cablmyy. Dapnal Mnnkyoly Rdm
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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XA A
0
@mayr Rdar Ydo}rmb Noum ar rdm Dmapr oe rdm Wopnb. alb
Alrdol{ @}pgmyyy A Inoifwopf Opalgm $Kry a`o}r a
rmmlagmp kl rdm }r}pm! yakb c{ coc+rdalf {o}, Rdalf
{o} rdalf {o} rdalf {o}, [o} gaum cm yocm ralg{. pokn#
klg yrmw }lbmp rdm gonbml ip}yr o rdm [o}lg Ab}nr nkrmpa#
r}pm K way go``nklg }x,
Yo {my. K yrknn noum @mnnakpyy Rdm Do}ym wkrd a Inoif kl
Kry Wanny. `}r K anwa{y kcagklm rdm rwo o}lr{ fknnmpy poc
Rdm Dawfnklm Colyrmp kl kry aymcmlr. apcmb op map alb}ifklg rdm Cagki Idknb ol a p}g, Alb yocmwdmpm m{olb
Jodl Idpkyroxdmpy Wdkrm Co}lraklyapm Uki alb @noob.
d}lrklg op iallmb oob alb x}yy{, Alb wdo xpownmb rdm
o}rmp wooby o Rmpa`krdka? [og#Yordord. rdary wdo,
Kry a gkr alb al akirkol ar rdm yacm rkcmiolyralrn{
wolbmpklg dow rdm c}lbalm wopnb Kc nkuklg kl $op pmab#klg a`o}r+ nklfy ro rdm bapfmp kcx}nymy Kc dauklg $op
kcagklklg K daum+, Rdm gkr#akirkol onnowmb cm $op way
kr g}kbklg cm?+ rdpo}gd c{ rmmly. kl 1;48y y}`}p`al Ukp#
gklka, Rdm noian RU yrarkol yrknn ydowmb Rdm Wonecal ol
Yar}pba{ coplklgy`}r Kb anpmab{ pmab Gap{ @palb#
lmpy Rdm Downklg, Yo K io}nblr warid Nol Idalm{. Jp,.
n}pid apo}lb rdm Yiorrkyd io}lrp{ykbm wkrdo}r wolbmp#
klg k dm ipaumb ymt ay c}id ay c}pbmp, K wo}nb pmiolrmt#
r}ankzm nklmy o ykrioc bkanog}m ro y}kr bapfmp lmmby. rdm
wa{ rdm Y}ppmankyry wo}nb o`ymyy oump a yklgnm rkrnm iapb
Wdml dm ipoyymb rdm `pkbgm. rdm ydabowy iacm o}r ro
cmmr dkckl rdm 1;00 yknmlr coukm Loyempar},*
*Loyempar} noocy oump alb n}pfy }lbmp mump{rdklg Kc wpkrklg a`o}rdmpm. alb kl rdky `oof,
K way eum {mapy onb alb nkuklg kl R}yrkl Cmabowy. Iankoplkaa xoklr
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
9
Rdml rdm noian RU yrarkol gaum wa{ ro rdm mapn{ {mapy
o ia`nm RU, C{ xapmlry wopfklg do}py wmpm y}id rdar kr
way kcxoyyk`nm ro xonkim c{ ukmwklg da`kry, Yioo`{#Boo
alb dky pkmlby }lcayfmb rdm Yma Bmcol alb o}lb `kr#
rmp Onb Cal Rpmumpy. rp{klg ro yiapm xmoxnm awa{ poc
dky dap`op, @}r rdm{ ckyymb. }lbmp rdm boif. rdm D}cal#
okby poc rdm Bmmx. paxklg y}l`ardmpy, Bkb Dappkmr rdm
Yx{ alb rdm @o{ Wdo Io}nb Cafm Dkcymn Bkyaxxmap
p}l ao}n o A`mn Emppapay Cy, 2=. Xa}n Fmpym{ pocBmard Wkyd. op rdm @aym`ann E}pkmy poc Wanrmp Dknny
Rdm Wappkopy? Rdm X}ydiapr Wap roof xnaim ol rdm yacm
Lmw [opf yrpmmry wdmpm Rpauky @kifnm xknormb dky ratk,
Alb kr y}pm way ioon dow rdm Gpmar @pakl io}nb ywklbnm
Xapnm{ @mlyol o}r o dky pmxmarklg akp pkm `{ xpmrmlb#
klg ro cafm a caglmrki yrkif, [o} flow wdar way `mr#rmp? Flowklg rdar. olm yrarm oump. rdm noob{ yna}gdrmp o
ol rdm api o c{ baby cknkrap{ iapmmp xoyrklgy. rpaiklg a `aifwapb wopb`annool oump rdm ]lkrmb Yrarmy. yraprklg kl Ukpgklka. }x rdpo}gd Odko. o}rro Iankoplka. alb aif ro Ukpgklka,
Kr way Dannowmml. alb rdm noian nk`pap{ dab olm o rdoym fkby airku#kr{ ba{y. wdmpm wm cabm ioofkmy alb i}r o}r jaif#o#nalrmply alb dmapb
gdoyr yropkmy, Alb olm o rdm nk`papkalywkrd lordklg }r goob klrmlrkoly.Kc y}pmbmikbmb ro ydow al 4 cc xpklr o Loyempar} agaklyr a wann,Rdm{ `naifmb o}r rdm i}prakly alb rdm xpojmirop inarrmpmb ro nkm alb yxkro}r wdar Kc y}pm rdm ab}nry rdo}gdr wo}nb m a dapcnmyy. onb yxoof ydow,
Rdar coukmE, W, C}pla}y Loyempar}`}pyr alb yxpmab o}r albennmb rdar nkrrnm pooc wkrd jaggmb. bkyiopbalr mump#capmy poc aipoyy iol#rklmlry alb bmiabmy, Rdm yiapkmyr uacxkpm al{ o }y dab ymml }x ro rdarxoklr way rdm Io}lr ol Ymyacm Yrpmmr, Wm wmpm yipmacklg alb `annklgo}p eyry }x ro o}p idmyry alb wolbmpklg dow wmb golm poc ioofkmyalb ipary ro a wpklfn{ par#cal yxpmabklg iolragkol aipoyy al anpmab{#
`nayrmb nalbyiaxm nkfm a xnag}m rdar fknny xnag}my, Lo olm kl rdar pooc mumpmyiaxmb Cat Yidpmify i}pn{. i}pymb ranoly, Nmayr o ann cm, K yaw dow rdarar yq}apm o ymxka nkgdr pmxnaimb rdm dapb bkcmlykoly apo}lb }y, K walrmbro gmr ol rdm ordmp ykbm o kr,
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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XA A
2
Dmaumly Garm way ywannowklg }x Jodl D}pr alb Idpky#
roxdmp Wanfml,
Ca{`m rdar cafmy c{ gmlmparkol }lkq}mrdm olm rdar
pmcmc`mpy `meopm CRU alb armp,,, alb rdml `meopm rdm
Klrmplmr alb armp, Rdm gmlmparkol K ymm yonkbk{klg krymn
low? Rdm{ wmpm `opl iollmirmbxnoxxmb o}r klro rdm
narm lklmrkmy. klro rdm nalb o Mump{rdklg Rdar Mump Way
Ky Auakna`nm poc Low Ol, Wdar ipayy aipol{c wknn wm
ynax ol rdm rd}c`#yopm rmtrklg c}nrkr}bmy o rdm rwmlr{#epyr imlr}p{? Rdm Wakloy? Rdm Wkpmby? Al{rdklgy `mr#
rmp rdal Gml T. wdkid ky wdar wm gor, Rdalfy. Bo}gnay
Io}xnalb, Wm yo}lb nkfm a rmac o c}ralr ukgknalrmy
wkrd poyrmb dakp alb idakl wannmry, Air}ann{. rdary lor
iocxnmrmn{ doppk`nm,
Alb lmkrdmp way `mklg Gml T, Wmnn anwa{y idmp#kyd rdm yrapf. `mopm#alb#armp i}nr}pm ydkr o o}p abo#
nmyimlim, Wmdab kyonarkol,,, alb rdml aiimyy, Bpo}gdr
alb rdml bmn}gm, Rdpmm idallmny alb rdml er{, I@y alb
rdml idar poocy, Alb o}p xapmlry bkblr daum rkcm. kl rdm
`mgkllklg. ro ykr rdpo}gd rdm Wdmpm ky ann o rdky lmw
yrkc}n}y iocklg poc? alb bmikbm wdar way `m{olb o}p
mcorkolan gpayx, Rd}y. rdm ckydcayd, Ykt#ionop iaprooly.
`}r wkrd al mbgm o gpa{ alb capool, [A nkrmpar}pm naimb
wkrd ymt alb ukonmlim, A gmlmparkol gkrmb wkrd iol}ykol.
}lmaym. alb rdml pmumnarkol,
Lor al{copm. K g}myy, Kr ymmcy rdar mump{ RU ydow.
coukm. yolg. alb wm`ykrm op rdm gmlmparkol onnowklg cm
kluonumy xporagolkyry wdoum `mml }ifklg. fknnklg. albipaifklg wkym a`o}r }ifklg alb fknnklg yklim `meopm al{#
olm muml ydowmb }x ro warid rdmc, Kc y}pm rdar wknn
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
=
{kmnb yocm `kzappm lmw ency. `oofy. alb c}ykiyr} K
ialr muml kcagklm, Bomylr carrmp, @{ rdm rkcm rdar iocmy
apo}lb. Knn daum nolg dab c{ iolyiko}ylmyy bowlnoabmb
klro a doumpklg Won D}y`albp{ @or, Knn gnkbm oump rdm
P}yykal yrmxxmy. xna{klg Pot{ C}ykiy Auanol. ymrrklg rdm
coob op a n}yr{ ialklm p}rrklg, K bolr iapm dow dkgd c{
ydpklf klipmaymy c{ Nmtaxpo boyagmK WALR RO @M A
PO@OR RDAR DMNXY WONUMY DAUM YMT, Ordmpwkym.
c{ xapmlry rdpmw awa{ rdm colm{ rdm{ yxmlr ol c{ ion#nmgm mb}iarkol,
Yo rdalf {o}. Coc alb Bab, Rdalf {o}. Nmag}m o
Naz{ Iox{wpkrmpy, Rdalf {o}. pmabmp. op `}{klg rdky
`oof, K axonogkzm admab o rkcm op lor muml rp{klg ro akc
ar Xoklr @. op muml yraprklg poc Xoklr A, Iocmb{ alb
rmppop alb a}ro`kogpaxd{ alb iockiy alb nkrmpar}pmrdm{pm ann rdm yacm rdklg,
Ro cm,
E B
r}ee bkb ol rdm lrmplmr wdknm wpkrklg rdky klrpob}irkol:
oofmb }x rdm n{pkiy ro Roroy yolg ;;
Xna{mb rwo Apcop `arrnmy oe Gmcipaer daxrmp 8
dmifmb rdm Eaim`oof yrar}y oe rwo xmoxnm darm
Rmidloparkb c{ymne
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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7
kfr oor
nn aynx al pa
J}yr a`o}r up{ xapagpax
P,M,C,. Emmnklg Gpaukr{y X}nn
K yrknn bpmac a`o}r rdmc, Rdm rdpmm yipmmly alb rdm rkifmr`oord,
K yxmlr c{ dkgd yidoon {mapy rwmlr{ ckl}rmy poc
Waydklgrol. BI. kl a y}`}p` iannmb Yrmpnklg. Ukpgklka,
Air}ann{. kl a y}`#y}`}p` o Yrmpnklg iannmb Y}gapnalb
P}l, @}r o}p caknklg abbpmyy way Yrmpnklg, Wm wmpm.
xoyragm#wkym. y}`}p`al m}ban y}`jmiry,
Alb lo. wmpm lor goklg `aif ro dkgd yidoon dmpm. ro
pmcklkyim. analim nmbgmp ydmmry. op abckr aknklgy, K flow
rdar dkgd yidoon ky rdm imlrpan Acmpkial mtxmpkmlim.* `}r
c{ cmcopkmy o wdar K bkb kl dkgd yidoon apm bpowlmb
o}r `{ wdar K ckyymb, Alb K ckyymb kr `{ rwmlr{ ckl}rmy,
Rwmlr{ ckl}rmy poc Waydklgrol. BI. way rwmlr{
ckl}rmy poc mrmplan dkxyrmp ipmbOd. K way ar rdar
*Ar nmayr. rdary wdar F}pr Uollmg}r yakb, Go wkrd {o}p g}r. anwa{y,
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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XA A
4
E}gazk ydow wdml K way ermml,,, [mad. wmnn. K yronm
c{ xapmlry ipmbkr iapb alb ia}gdr @ab @pakly ar W]YR
Dann,,, Rdm Cklop Rdpmar `ayykyr x}lidmb cm o}rykbm
o Xkiionoy kl Gmopgmrowl ol c{ `kprdba{,,,
Ro gkum {o} al kbma o dow wkbm a capf K ckyymb rdky
mtxnoykum rkcm {. K dab ro noof }x coyr o rdoym alby ol
Wkfkxmbka, K dab lo iap, K dab lo colm{, Rdmpm way olm
`}y kl alb o}r o Y}gapnalb P}l. alb kr yroxxmb p}llklg
ar ymuml ,, Ann rdm onbmp fkby wdo io}nbum gkuml cma pkbm klro BI dab j}yr bkyioumpmb rdm Boopy. wdkxxmry.
alb boklg wdkxxmry kl rdmkp gapagm wdknm nkyrmlklg ro rdm
Boopy, C{ rdpoar yrknn mmny oar{ alb `}plmb wdmlmump
K dmap Rdm Ip{yran Ydkx, Yrpalgm Ba{y yrknn rayrmy nkfm
idmax `mmp kl yocmolmy rowl do}ym wdml rdmkp xapmlry
wmpm uaiarkolklg,Rdmpm way anyo a xnag}m o bkuopimy acolg c{ pkmlby
alb aiq}aklralimy wdml K way kl dkgd yidoonanno}r
poc rdm y}`}p`al ywklgklg rdar elann{ pmaidmb Yrmpnklg
ay rdm ymumlrkmy wmpm kifmpklg awa{, Wm wmpm roo {o}lg.
roo go`ycaifmb `{ Yrap Wapy alb Yar}pba{ Lkgdr Nkum
alb ylow opry alb rd}lbmpyropcy ro lorkim rdm bannk#
alimy rdar nmb ro rdm pkry, @}r wm wayrmb lo rkcm rafklg
abualragm o rdm y}bbmln{ mcxr{ do}ymy ol rdm wmmf#
mlby, Alb low. olm oop `mnow rdm dmapr`pofml dan o
a ydarrmpmb cappkagm `poobklg kl al }xyrakpy `mbpooc.
wm wmpm pmm ro `pa{ anolg wkrd Zmxxmnkl op rdm Wdo op
wdarmump bmiabmy#onb `alb wm `mnkmumb wm wmpm bkyiou#
mpklg, K flow a nor o xmoxnm ayyoikarm rdm mkgdrkmy wkrdCRU. xoyr#x}lf. Lmw Waum. alb rdm ymiolb `kprd o dkx#
dox. `}r lor }y y}`}p`al fkby, Wm wmpm `pofm#ayy wdkrm
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
17/42
Zcm XAimdX AmA b
;
`o{y. xn}lbmpklg o}p xapmlry NXy poc wdml rdm{ wmpm
{o}lg alb dopl{, Rdm `alby wm onnowmb wmpm rdm olmy
yauu{ mlo}gd ro y}pukum y}bbmln{ `mklg encmbrd}y.
Yxpklgyrmml x}cxmb kpol. Gmlmyky gor rmbb{#`map i}rm.
alb Ampoyckrd doofmb }x wkrd rdm ioon lmw `naif fkby,
PMO Yxmmbwagol. Yr{t. alb Gpalb E}lf Paknpoab wmpm
lor yo n}if{, Zmxxmnkl. rdm Yrolmy. rdm Boopy. alb rdm
Wdo wmpm yam kl rdmkp ampkmy, Rdm kcxopralim o abaxra#
rkol alb n}if wmpm rdm epyr rdklgy K nmaplmb a`o}r c}yki,@}r lor ipmarkol, K waylr rdmpm op kr, Lo olm wknn mump
yxor c{ boxm{ aim kl a ipowb ydor poc a iomm#ra`nm
`oof a`o}r rdm BI dapbiopm yimlm, Rdmpm wknn m lo mmr#
klg gnkcxymy o c{ }lbmpagm ymn kl rdm klmukra`nm boi}#
cmlrap{ a`o}r E}gazk, Low rdar K rdklf o kr. Kc y}pm
rdmpm ky a boi}cmlrap{ a`o}r E}gazk, K flow Kc lor klkr, Ca{`m c{ klkrkany apm yrknn kl rdm dkgd yiopm rox = ol
rdm Ganaga caidklm ar Bocklkol Yfarklg Pklf, Yocmolm
rmnn Fml @}ply,
K bkb calagm ro ymm Gmlmyky rwkim ol rdmkp Klukyk`nm
Ro}id ro}p, Rdm ymiolb rkcm K yaw rdmc. oxmlklg air Xa}n
[o}lg floifmb dkcymn }liolyiko}y rwkpnklg dky ckfm
yralb apo}lb. yklgklg Mump{rkcm [o} Go Awa{, Lo olm
kl rdm yrabk}c ymmcmb ro lorkim, Rdm nklmy ar rdm xpmrzmn
yralby wmpm dmnna nolg,
K way rpaxxmb. yr}if kl rdm y{p}x o rdm y}`}p`y, Alb
rdmpm. acolg do}ymy `}knr olm {map aermp K way `opl $K
dab copm dkyrop{ rdal rdm yrpmmry K walbmpmb+. K o}lb al
}lbmpgpo}lb yimlm,Nkrmpann{. }lbmpgpo}lb,
Y}`rmppalmal `}r }ldmpanbmb, Golm opmump alb
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
18/42
XA A
18
}lco}plmb, X}lgmlr alb uk`palr `}r }lidpolkinmb, Lo
olm kluonumb `pagy a`o}r kr, Lolm o }y wknn `m xoprpa{mb
`{ Fmukl Ioppkgal. Xmrmp Yapygaapb. op Idno Ymukgl{ kl
a `pknnkalr klbkm `koxki a`o}r rdm coumpy alb ydafmpy o
yakb yimlm,
Rdm Rowlimlrmp 9 Coukm Rdmarmp. kl rdm Yrmpnklg Rowl#
imlrmp Ydoxxklg Cann o Yrmpnklg. Ukpgklka, Pkgdr ar rdm
klrmpymirkol o Po}rm 7 alb Bpalmyuknnm Poab,
Rdar way c{ Naxkl Agknm, C{ Eairop{, C{ Mnaklmy, C{I@G@, C{ Yr}bko =2,
Coyr o rdoym xnaimy apm golm,* Yo ky rdm Rowlimlrmp
9, K rdklf, Yopr o, ]lrkn pmimlrn{. kr yrknn mtkyrmb ay a coukm
rdmarmp. }lbmp rdm in}`oormb lacm o rdm Yrmpnklg Ikl#
mca Bpardo}ym alb rdm Donn{woob Ia. Iklmca 9 Lkrm#
in}`, Low rdmkp wm`ykrm ya{y. ykcxn{. Rdm Yrmpnklg IklmcaBpaer ky inoymb eopmump!
Lor ro cm, Lmump, Alb kl c{ cklb. kr wknn anwa{y `m.
ykcxn{. rdm Rowlimlrmp 9, Rdpmm yipmmly, Ekum mcxno{mmy,
Olm calagmp, Ar nmayr. ay nolg ay K way rdmpm,
K gor a jo` ay al }ydmp rdmpm kl rdm y}ccmp o 1;47, [o}
mlrmpmb ar yrpmmr nmumn. kl `mrwmml a faparm yr}bko alb a
xkzza joklr, @}r. b}m ro yocm wmkpb. Myidmp#nkfm iolyrp}i#
rkol K yrknn bolr }lbmpyralb. {o} bmyimlbmbrdpmm kgdry
o yrakpy klro a c}pf{. }opmyimlr#nkr no``{ alb ylaif
apma rdar noofmb nkfm kr ydo}nb daum `mml kl a Lkf Fmp#
*Rdm Naxkl Agknm alb Mnaklmy. ay o rdky wpkrklg. apm yrknn goklg yrpolg,
Rdm Eairop{alb rdm `}knbklg rdar dmnb krgolm, I@G@ ky a Jodl Uapua#roy yropm, Yr}bko =2 ky low a rdmarmp. wkrd palidkymy ann oump rdm wopnb.klin}bklg a noiarkol bpoxxmb klykbm rdm CGC Gpalb kl Umgay nkfm a iopmyacxnm o rdm ymumlrkmy bpoxxmb klro a c}ym}c o gnkrrmp{ noyy,
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
11
ydaw ukbmo, Rdml. olim {o} `o}gdr ylaify alb bpklfy.
{o} bmyimlbmb alordmp kgdr o yrakpy ro al muml bkccmp.
gpkccmp no``{ wdmpm {o}b idooym olm o rdpmm rdmarmpy,
Kr way a rdmarmp bmykglmb nkfm al aprnmyy nogki xpo`nmc
wdkid boop nmaby ro pmmboc. wdkid ro bmard. alb wdkid
ro Abumlr}pmy kl @a`{ykrrklg?
Rdm ba{ K way dkpmb way rdm nayr ba{ rdm{ wmpm ydowklg
Po`oIox, Armp rdar. wm ydowmb a xpoimyykol o }lal#
ywmpa`nm rpkuka q}myrkoly nkfmJawy: Rdm Pmumlgm. WdoyRdar Gkpn?.Rdm Nkuklg Ba{nkgdry. alb Y}ccmp Yidoon,
Kb dab yocm pmann{ goob rkcmy kl rdm Rowlimlrmp 9
wdml K wmlr rdmpm ay a rmml, Pmr}pl oe rdm Nkuklg Bmab.
@mumpn{ Dknny Iox. alb Pkidapb Xp{op: Dmpm alb Low,
Low rdar K io}nb warid al{rdklg K walrmb. rdm{ ydowmb
lordklg K walrmb ro ymm, C{ mnnow mcxno{mmy mnr rdmyacm wa{, Wm wmpm pary noifmb kl a nkgdrnmyy }lbmpgpo}lb
wappml. roknklg }lbmp `pkgdr. no}b bkyrpairkoly `macmb
olro yoba#yxnarrmpmb yipmmly, Low wm o}lb o}pymnumy
aiklg a y}ccmp wdmpm rdm bkyrpairkoly wmpmlr bkyrpair#
klg, O}p alikmy ynown{ r}plmb ro rdm,,, }lalik}n,
Rdky gpowklg bkyiolrmlr way oumpymml `{ Bal rdm
Calagmp,*
Bal inakcmb dm way al mtRmtay Palgmp, Bo rdm Rmtay
Palgmpy cafm rdmkp cmc`mpy bpklf a q}apr o Unabkckp
uobfa mump{ ba{? K yo. Bal way fmmxklg rdmkp polrkmp
yxkpkr ankum, Dky aim way yiopidmb ipagg{ `{ mpcmlrmb
*Kc idalgklg mump{olmy lacm kl rdky. alb yocm ordmp rdklgy, @}r kal{ o rdm xmoxnm K wopfmb wkrd ar rdm Rowlimlrmp 9 apm yrknn ankum alb iol#rkl}mb cafklg rdm idokimy rdm{ cabm wdml wm bpmw xa{idmify rogmrdmp.rdml rdm{pm `m{olb iolymq}mlim op pmcopym alb wknn fknn cm,
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
20/42
XA A
10
xoraromy alb lor rdm x}lkydklg Napmbo y}l, Dm dab a
ywaggmpklg. `ownmggmb wanf rdar iacm poc xmpyolann{
kly}nrklg. mump{ wafklg ymiolb. gpaukr{ alb klmprkalor
poc ykrrklg ayrpkbm a lo`nm yrmmb ol rdm xpakpkm, Dky rml#
gannol dar dkb dky `anb. xyopkayky#pauagmb yf}nn bocm,
Idmax nkq}op ky a cagki xorkol rdal ial r}pl {o} klro
a x}xxmr iow`o{ `mopm kr fknny {o},
Dm klykyrmb wm iannmb dkc Bal rdm Calagmplor
Bal,K anwa{y iapp{ a g}l. alb kry kcxoyyk`nm ro gmr rdm
bpox ol cm. Bal rdm Calagmp wo}nb ya{ ay wmb oxml
rdm ylaif `ap op rdm rwmnum rdkpr{ carklmm, Rdml dmb
po}lb rdm ioplmp ro rdm xpojmirkol `oordy, Gap{ Ja{. al
}ydmp alb yrmpokb a`}ymp $dm waylr mump goklg ro gpow
rannmp rdal rdm o}p oor lklm Gob gaum dkc. yo wd{ lor?+.wo}nb dox o}r nkfm a bmcmlrmb glocm. palbkyd a Goob{
ioc` nkfm a xkyron. alb yipmac. @alg#{o}pm#bmab#Bal!
Bal wo}nb id}ifnm rdpo}gd inmlidmb conapy. c}r#
rmp yocmrdklg rdar yo}lbmb nkfm [rpkmb rdar kl Rty
{o}b gkr a wklbmp kl {mp dmab* alb rdml ualkyd klro
dky oeima nawl idakp `mdklb olm o rdm xnarrmp xpo#
jmiropy, Rdm dmb ipaif rdm iax ol alordmp `orrnm o nkump
mpaymp alb wmb gmr ro wopf `pklgklg rdm cagki o Donn{#
woob ro Loprdmpl Ukpgklka,
Rdm epyr carklmm wo}nb mlb, Rdm armplool ipowb. y}l#
`nklb poc ywkccklg op ooryopm poc ydoxxklg. wo}nb
*Kc xpmrr{ y}pm rdary wdar kr way, @}r ca{`m dm way ya{klg. [o} xp{rdar xpklimyy aggor gpkl o o {o}p dmab, Op ca{`m dm way a ymipmr encyidonap alb way ya{klg. Bwkgdr Ep{m way a lmt}y op wknbmp iklmca, Krdm rdkpb ky ioppmir. rdml K dab a dalb kl ropcmlrklg a q}kmr gmlk}y,
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
19
`m gardmpklg ar rdm }xyrakpy `ot oeim, Bal rdm Calagmp
dab nolg ago bpkrmb klro wdarmump yn}yd{ Id}if Lop#
pky bpmacyiaxm rdm uobfa roof dkc ro, Gap{ Ja{ alb K
io}nblr dalbnm rdm ywmnnklg cayymy anolm, Wdo wo}nb
pkym ro rafm rdm pmkly ar rdm Rowlimlrmp 9? Wdo wo}nb
x}yd rdpo}gd rdm bo}`nm gnayy boopy o rdm yrpmmr#nmumn
mlrpalim alb yrocx dky wa{ bowl rdm yrakpy. nkfm Gmlm
Ykccoly alb Wknr Idac`mpnakl a`o}r ro ymr a `aymcmlr
}nn o }xxkr{ x}yy{ yrpakgdr?Lo olm, Lo olm iacm poc yrpmmr nmumn, Dmnx way
anpmab{ kl rdm Rowlimlrmp 9, Kry lacm way Pobb{. alb kr
nkumb rdmpm,
Pobb{ rdm ayykyralr calagmp nkumb kl rdm rdmarmp, Dmb
mcxrkmb o}r olm o rdm y}xxn{ inoymry, Dmb klyrannmb al
klara`nm carrpmyy. a Ydowmp Al{wdmpm xopra`nm ydowmp.alb a wmm rmnmukykol, Dm ynmxr ackb rdm xowbmpmb#`}rrmp
}cmy alb mcxr{ bpklf#y{p}x ralfy, Dm dab gp}`#wdkrm
yfkl alb Gord ikpinmy }lbmp dky m{my rdar. }lnkfm rdoym o
Gordy. iacm poc pmann{. rp}n{ mtkyrklg dan kl rdm wopnb
o rdm bmab, Dm ycmnnmb nkfm iapxmrklg. Yiorid raxm. alb
yrmaf ya}im, Dm way ancoyr opr{ }r dab olm o rdoym dan
c}yraidmy rdar rdkprmml#{map#onby daum, Dm way rdm inoy#
myr rdklg ro a zoc`km Kum {mr mlio}lrmpmb kl rdky wopnb,
@}r muml zoc`kmy daum `ayki bpkumyymm. coum. fknn.
mar, Pobb{ dab rdoym. wkrd al oiiaykolan ioccalb ro
`ardm, Dm anyo dab al oumppkbklg bpkum ro gmr mump{olm kl
rdm iolimyykol nklm ylaifmb alb yobamb. ay dmb ya{,
Kr way rdm olm rkcm dm dab gpaim alb `ma}r{, K oln{ awocal o xarkmlim io}nb daum `mml bowl rdmpm b}pklg
rdar ermml#ckl}rm wklbow wdml dm way bkyxmlyklg Ylo#
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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XA A
12
Iaxy alb `}rrmpklg xoxiopl.* ca{`m ydmb daum rafml
dkc `{ dky umno}p ynmmum. wanfmb dkc }x klro rdm y}lnkgdr
alb awa{ poc dky pkifmr{ ydowmp alb xoon#par `mb. alb
pmyi}mb dmp zoc`km d}y`alb, Anay, Anay!
Yo olim rdm ipowby dab bkyxmpymb alb rdm xnarrmp xpo#
jmiropy wmpm d}ccklg. kr way rkcm op a wmmfn{ gacm
iannmb Wdar @mlkgl Rdklg Wknn Cafm Pobb{ Mtxnobm?
Gap{ Ja{ alb K alb rdm rwo ordmp }ydmpy wdo iacm ol
op rdm armplool ydkr@p{al alb Rpaimwo}nb q}kmrn{bo o}p jo`y alb mlgagm Pobb{ kl xnmayalr idkridar, Dow#
mump. o}p idkridar way rdm oxmlklg gac`kr kl o}p olgoklg
yoikan mtxmpkcmlr:
Dm{. Pobb{. K dmapb oln{ docoy iocm poc Iapnkynm.
Xmlly{nualka, $Pobb{ way poc Iapnkynm. ay dm orml
ronb }y,+Pobb{ wo}nb gpkl ay dm klumlropkmb J}lkop Cklry, Xmo#
xnm ya{ rdar mia}ym wmum gor rdm Pmbyfkly rpaklklg iacx,
D}d, Rdary klrmpmyrklg, [o} flow wdar mnym ky klrmpmyr#
klg? Rdm wa{ oln{ docoy nkyrml ro Bmmx X}pxnm, $Bmmx X}p#
xnm way Pobb{y auopkrm alb. alb dm way olb o ipalfklg
Xmpmir Yrpalgmpy ol rdm raxm bmif o dky xmpxmr}ann{ o}r#
o#iocckyykol iap kl rdm xapfklg nor narm ar lkgdr,+
Pobb{ wo}nb ipaif oxml a ponn o lkifmny klro rdm
lkifmn wmnn o rdm pmgkyrmp alb ya{. Air}ann{. Bmmx X}p#
xnmy a`o}r rdm oln{ lol#doco c}yki nmr kl rdm wopnb,
Pobb{. {o} ycmnn nkfm a iopxym apr. {o} daum lo xmlky.
alb {o} ydo}nb fknn {o}pymn, Alb {o}pm a doco,
*Eknn kr danwa{. rwo yq}kpry o `}rrmp#auopmb okn. enn kr rdm pmyr o rdmwa{. rdpmm copm yq}kpry,
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
1=
Pobb{ wo}nb wklf alb ya{. Yrkify alb yrolmy,
Dm{. Pobb{. K dab a `alala op `pmafayr,
Pobb{ wo}nb ynac rdm io}lrmp wkrd dky xayr{ opmapcy
alb ydpkmf. A `a#LALA? Rdm{pm op colfm{y ro mar!
[o} ya{klg K walr ro mar a @ALALA? Wdar apm {o} ya{#
klg? [o} rdklf K ialr wanf kr? D}d? On Pobb{. nkuklg ar
rdm Rowlimlrmp 9? [O] RDKLF K IALR WANF KR. CP,
IPMAC YOBA?
Rdml wmb bmyimlb ro rdmarmp nmumn alb ioppan rdm car#klmm a}bkmlim o}r alb rdm armplool a}bkmlim kl wdknm
Pobb{ iolrkl}mb yipmacklg, K al{ o rdm xarpoly ayfmb
wdar rdm lokym way. wmb ya{ kr way rdmJawy coukm. rdar
rdm ydapf way marklg al onb do`o, Copm rdal olm fkb.
wakrklg ro ymm @mljk rdm D}lrmbop Abumlr}pmy kl @a`{#
ykrrklg. wo}nb r}pl ro rdmkp xapmlry alb ya{. K walr ro goymm a ydapf mar a do`o!
Rdm mapn{ mumlklg ydowy yaw cm kl rdm rkifmr `oord.
yiaccklg dan yr}`y, Yiaccklg dan yr}`y way a wol#
bmp}n. mlrp{#nmumn ipkcklan airkukr{ wdmpmkl {o}b ymnn a
rkifmr. rmap kr kl dan $rdm Rowlimlrmp 9 io}nblr aopb ro
xa{ a ymxaparm rkifmr rafmp+ alb rdml ymnn rdm ordmp dan ro
rdm lmtr i}yrocmp, [o}b xoifmr rdm ymiolb i}yrocmpy
abckyykol colm{,
[o} io}nblr bo rdky wkrd yocmrdklg lo olm way ioc#
klg ro ymm. nkfm Wdoy Rdar Gkpn? op Y}ccmp Yidoon, @}r
k wm gor yocmrdklg nkfm Rdm Nkuklg Ba{nkgdry op Iocklg
ro Acmpkia? Rdoym coukmy xpoukbmb mlo}gd dan yr}`y ro
x}pidaym a mw iaymy o `mmp. xn}y a `orrnm op rwo o CabBog 08/08@p{al alb Rpaimy auopkrm, Ol ba{y wdml
rdm{ wo}nblr wopf. alb wm dab yocm palboc oarmp
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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XA A
15
ennklg kl op rpaklklg ol rdm xnarrmpy. Kb xoifmr ann rdm dan#
yr}` colm{, K way a rdkm, K yxmlr rdm colm{ ol `oofy alb
c}yki, K yronm poc a yrp}ggnklg rdpmm#xnmt coukm rdmarmp
ro mtxalb c{ i}nr}pan dopkzoly,*
Yo olim rdm mapn{ mumlklg rkifmry wmpm yonbop. `mr#
rmp {mr. rdm wmmfmlb carklmm rkifmryKb i}pn }x ol rdm
oop alb x}r P,M,C,y Ea`nmy oe rdm Pmiolyrp}irkol ol
c{ iayymrrm xna{mp alb pmab Xdknkx F, Bkify Rdm Cal kl
rdm Dkgd Iayrnm,
iann r oon al r oxal{
l ky owl wp parp `
P,M,C,. Caxy alb Nmgmlby
Rdm Cal kl rdm Dkgd Iayrnm ky al anrmplarm#dkyrop{YE loumn a`o}r al Acmpkia wdmpm rdm Atky xowmpy daum
wol Wopnb Wap KK, Alb Ea`nmy oe rdm Pmiolyrp}irkol ky
al an`}c wkrd yolgy a`o}r annklg aynmmx wdknm pmabklg.
*Kb x}pidaym c{ c}yki rwo boopy bowl poc rdm Rowlimlrmp 9 ar apmiopb yropm iannmb Watkm Catkmy. ar wdkid K }ymb ro wopf6 rdm{ j}yrkea`n{epmb cm armp K co}rdmb o ro a i}yrocmp wdo `mparmb cm op lor elbklg
rdm Mlmpgkzmp `arrmp{ pm}lb io}xoly ayr mlo}gd op dky nkfklg, @{ rdarxoklr. K way ioon wkrd krK io}nblr rafm nkyrmlklg ro alordmp yxkl o Jmal@ma}uokpy Bp}cy Anolg rdm Codawf op Rmapy op Emapyy Yolgy epoc rdm@kg Idakp. a`kbklg yra auopkrmy,
C{ `oofy Kb x}pidaym ar a do``{ yropm wdmpm K }ymb ro gmr c{ B%B`oofy alb nmab eg}pklmy, K yroxxmb goklg wdml. c{ ymlkop {map o dkgdyidoon. K iay}ann{ cmlrkolmb ro rdm fklbn{ xpoxpkmrop rdar K way goklg roionnmgm, Dky m{my wmlr yrol{ alb dm yakb. [o} goklg ro go nmapl dow rowkxm {o}p ayy wkrdo}r gmrrklg ydkr ol {o}p xalry? Wdar? K ayfmb. alb
rdml dm `mlr bowl oump dky xaklrmb opiy alb }c`mpd}nfy alb c}rrmpmb.Bolr mump iocm `aif dmpm agakl, Alb K lmump bkb, [mad. K flow. c}yki ylo`, Rdary wdar K iann kr. yo rdmpm,
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
17
rpakly alb noiocorkol. alb coumcmlralb. `{ kcxnk#
iarkol. myiaxm alb rpalyopcarkolxn}y ip{xrki. abuk#
yop{ yipmmby, Anyo miimlrpkiy. wmkpboy. nolmpy. alb aknklg
pocalimy idaprmb `{ xayyklg iocmry,*
Yo. wdknm Ckidamn Yrkxmy uokim yoapmb rdpo}gd
Fodo}rmf op Goob Abukimy alb rdm ymrrklg y}l
flkmb rdpo}gd rdm ipaify kl rdm x}nnmb rkifmr#wklbow
ydabm. K pmab, K pmab a`o}r a Loprd Acmpkial iolrklmlr
ynkimb }x `{ rdm ukiropko}y Gmpcaly. Jaxalmym. alb Kran#kaly, K pmab a`o}r rdm ydmnn#ydoifmb Acmpkialy. klda`krklg
rdm gnooc{. rmlym. }lmmnklg. alb bmmarmb io}lrp{,
knny pklgklg ap r wopy kl rk
kyrl ro r onnp. nkyrl ro { wanny wkrkl { rolg}
ialr {o} y {o} a { apy go rkl? akp q}kfl rlykol `}knklg klpl y}ln{
k al ow ro nku kr
P,M,C,. Nkm alb Dow ro Nkum Kr
Alb low K yaw Yrmpnklg bkmpmlrn{, Low. wkrd rdm yrmp#
knm. xkrknmyy xpoym o Xdknkx F, Bkif alb rdm o`nkq}m. rmayklg
c}yki alb n{pkiy oEa`nmy oe rdm Pmiolyrp}irkol inalg#
klg apo}lb rdm roo#rkgdr rmlr o c{ cklb alb kry nkckrmb
mtxmpkmlimy. K yaw dow `ma}rk}n c{ y}`}p` way. nkfm al
aiikbmlran xomc,
*Rdm g}{y kl P,M,C, bolr daum a nor o goob rdklgy ro ya{ a`o}r Ea`nmy,
Roo `ab. g}{ykr idalgmb c{ nkm, Alb K flow K ckyklrmpxpmrmb a nor ordmym n{pkiy ro y}kr c{ x}pxoymy ar rdm rkcm. }r kr imaymb mklg {o}p an`}crdm ckl}rm K `o}gdr kr, Mcxkpmy daum `mml `}knr ol Mnmirpki [o}rd. K `mr,
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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XA A
14
$u `l rp flow r wa{+
ialr gr rp po p
P,M,C,. Ialr Gmr Rdmpm poc Dmpm
K K io}nb elann{ ymm. ar rdm pkgdr algnmy $op b}pklg
cagki do}p op kl rdm y}ccmp coolnkgdr+. rdar muml rdm
yrpkx cann rdar dmnb rdm Rowlimlrmp 9 dab cajmyr{ kl kr.
dow wo}nb K mmn k K mump pmaidmb Yal Epalikyio. Nolbol.
rdm Dm`pkbmy? C{ p}yrparkol alb darpmb o Yrmpnklg gorcm lowdmpm, Kr waylr }lrkn K yraprmb nouklg kr rdar K way
ol rdm wa{ ro nmauklg, Alb kr waylr }lrkn K pmnatmb wkrd
a goob `oof alb rmppkei c}yki rdar K gor rdm epyr `}zz o
pmyrnmyylmyy,
Xa{ op {o}p po. el alorp garG}knr `{ ayyokar. r p}yy wknr a nolg rk ago
G}knr{ ay {o} go
P,M,C,. Gpmml Gpow rdm P}ydmy
K io}nblr ymm al{ o rdky rdml, Kry oln{ low. ay K wpkrm
kr. ol alordmp ioayr. rdar K ymm wdar rdm rkcm kl rdm mido
idac`mp o a rkifmr `oord bkb, Rdmpm wmpm }r}pm c}yk#
ikaly yralbklg ar rdm `aif o E}gazk ydowy. waridklg rdm
`alb alb rdm ipowb alb bpklfklg kl rdm x}nyklg rdp}c,
Rdm{ ganualkzmb rdmkp kbmlrkrkmy wdknm. ar rdm yacm rkcm.
rdm{ nmb aimnmyy klro rdm ipowb. rdm alb. rdm wanny. alb
rdm cmcop{ o rdm mumlklg,
Rdm `oof alb rdm iayymrrm raxmrdm{ bkb rdm yacmrdklg op cm, Xmoxnm wknn elb rpalyopcarkol alb rpal#
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7/31/2019 Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A book by Patton Oswalt
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
1;
yimlbmlim kl a CiBolanby dayd `powl k kry ann rdm{um
gor, Iocm ro rdklf o kr. K `mr Kb `m a `mrrmp wpkrmp k c{
xopran dab `mml a dayd `powl, Od wmnn, Bolr noof `aif,
@mopm rdm Rowlimlrmp 9. K kcagklmb K wo}nb gmr cap#
pkmb alb yra{ kl Yrmpnklg alb rp{ ro `miocm a wpkrmp rdmpm.
rdm wa{ Yrmxdml Fklg lmump nmr Caklm alb wporm dky lou#
mny ol a waydklg caidklm kl rdm rpaknmp dm ydapmb wkrd dky
gpowklg ackn{, Op Jodl Warmpy. idalgklg iklmca opmump
wkrdo}r nmauklg @anrkcopm, Kr dab `mml bolm `mopm, K dabc{ mtacxnmy, K io}nb j}yrk{ c{ kcco`knkr{,
Ar nayr kry yorklg {o}u nr `kl
kf Foo}rf {o} wp gol
P,M,C,. Fodo}rmf
O io}pym. j}yrk{ c{ kcco`knkr{ way j}yr oon
c{ymn wkrd mtairn{ rpkxnm rdm y{nna`nmy, Nkyrmlklg ro
Ea`nmy oe rdm Pmiolyrp}irkol gor cm inoym ro rdky pmankza#
rkol oln{ op ay nolg ay K nkyrmlmb ro rdm an`}c, Mumlr}ann{
Kb walbmp bowlyrakpy alb warid eum ckl}rmy o Ckidamn
Iaklm egdrklg a gkalr p}``mp ydapf alb wolbmpklg wd{.
armp @nacm Kr ol Pko. dmb pmr}plmb ro rdm rpoxkiy, Ar
nmayr rdm nayr rkcm rdmpmb `mml }lbmpagm ymt balgnmb kl
polr o dkc, Low rdmpm way al klmpr eyd xpox alb Capko
Ual Xmm`nmy, Rdml agakl. ro bo a inayyki nkfm Gmr Iaprmp
dm dab ro mlb}pm rdm gpa{ gpkcm g}r#x}lid o Lmwiayrnm,
E}if krKb xpo`a`n{ oxr op rdm ydkrr{ ydapf enc kl rdm
y}lydklm oump,,, alb `{ rdar xoklr. rdm cmcop{ o wdar#mump Kb gorrml inoym ro. }x kl rdm rkifmr `oord? Golm,
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XA A
08
Ar r l o r a{
nn opgr {o}p la,,,
P,M,C,. Goob Abukimy
Kl a mw {mapy ann o rdmym impraklrkmy wo}nb `m `}plmb
ro }ymnmyy wkify. alb Kb `m cafklg c{ wa{ o}r alb oump,
Ekpyr klro Waydklgrol. BI. boklg x}lkydklg oxml ckfmy
ay a iocmbkal. alb rdml wmyr wmyr wmyr ay rdm yralb#
}x yimlm ip}c`nmb, Kr way ann xapr o c{ xnal $K yakb roc{ymn+ ro mumlr}ann{ mlb }x a wpkrmp, K wpkrklg op Gmlr
cagazklm nmb Yrmxdml Fklg ro Rdm Yralb. rdml mcimmklg
a wmmfmlb ar Ykp Nay a Nor wo}nb nmab ro c{ wpkrklg
rdky `oyy loumn K dab kl c{ dmab a`o}r a b}bm wdo `ar#
rnmy c}ralry kl a wayrmnalb, Ar nmayr c{ rkcm ar Ykp Nay
a Nor. Q}aifmpy. alb rdm Iocmb{ Eairop{ O}rnmr* wo}nbxpoukbm rdm ydorg}l#wkmnbklg dmpo o c{ wayrmnalb mxki
yocm fkif#ayy q}kxy ay dm nmw ynkxxmp{ id}lfy o}r o yia#
`po}y c}ralry, Ymm? K dab kr ann wopfmb o}r,
d way pap ro gku pyxr
}r yowp owl r nkl oy
o wkyrn ay r wkl `nowy
P,M,C,. Wmlbmnn Gmm
K way al kbkor, Kr way c{ epyr arrmcxr ar a Xnal, Eop
Nkm, Alb Dow ro Nkum Kr, K pmelmb kr kl rdm iocklg {mapy,
]lrkn rdml. kr wo}nb `m ymn#iolrpabkirklg iol}ykol alb
al abdmpmlim ro rdm po}rklmy alb yamr{ o rdm y}`}p`y,
*Ann pman lacmy. ann pman xnaimy,
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
01
wanny ap `}knr }x. yrol `{ yrol
eny kuk ol `{ ol
P,M,C. Bpkump 4
Emmnklg Gpaukr{y X}nn yraprmb }xK yrknn pmcmc#
`mp rdky yo inmapn{ar rdm cocmlr kl Rdm Cal kl rdm
Dkgd Iayrnm wdml Cp, Ragock ky noofklg ar rdar nkr#
rnm xklrdm Epalf Epklf aprkair wkrd rdm yaropk opc
ol kralb dm dann}iklarmy al anrmplarm pmankr{ wdmpmrdm Gmpcaly noyrWopnb Wap KK. alb dmy kl Yal Epal#
ikyio, Ckidamn Yrkxm way yklgklg a`o}r annklg aynmmx
`}r yrknn pmabklg mump{ xapagpaxd, Xmpmir kccmpykol kl a
`oof,
K dab ro go `aif alb pmpmab rdm xagm a mw rkcmy, Ay K
pmab kr. K fmxr bpkrklg o}r o rdm `oof. o}r o rdm `oord.alb ioayrklg ol rdm gpmml ipmyr o rdm yolg. ro rdm cocml#
rap{ kbma rdar al{ xoklr ol Maprd way cklm op rdm ukykr#
klg. rdar Kb n}ifmb o}r nkuklg kl rdm pmankr{ K way kl, Alb K
anyo gor rdm mmnklg K way yo}pklg alb bacagklg rdar n}if
`{ mljo{klg rdm iolrmlrcmlr o x}nnklg rdm ydabmy ol rdm
y}l. alb yd}rrklg o}r c{ mnnow mcxno{mmy alb rdm wopnb.
alb onbklg c{ymn }x kl rdm iolyrp}ir o a `pknnkalr loumn
nkfm Rdm Cal kl rdm Dkgd Iayrnm. rdar ann rdm pmabklg Kb
`mml boklg }x ro rdky xoklr dablr mldalimb c{ nkm. `}r
pardmp dab pmxnaimb alb bmna{mb kr, Kc bmyipk`klg kr `mr#
rmp rdal rdm dan nkif K rayrmb kl rdm gnooc o rdm rkifmr
`oord,
y {yn y {o}
P,M,C,. Onb Cal Fmlym{
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XA A
00
Alb rdml kr way golm, K rpkmb ro cafm kr iocm aiflor
`{ yd}rrklg o rdm raxm alb `}pyrklg o}r o rdm `oord ro
wanf apo}lb alb warid xmoxnm klrmpair wkrd maid ordmp,
K pmxna{mb rdm yolg alb pmpmab rdm xayyagm, Lordklg, [o}
ialr yragm al mxkxdal{, Ann K gor wmpm palboc xkmimy alb
dan#iocxnmrm kbmay,
K noofmb }x ar rdm gnowklg pmiralgnm o rdm x}nnmb ydabm
alb rpkmb ro `miocm x}pm cklb,
Alb rdary wdml @p{al `apgmb klro rdm `oord. mtikrmb.d}elg poc {klg }x rdm kgdr o yrakpy poc rdm ylaif
`ap,
Pobb{y o}r o dky pooc. yocmwdmpm, Kry, ,, iocm ymm
wdary }lbmp dky carrpmyy!
K pal bowlyrakpy ro ymm,
Wmnn. K walr rdm rdpowklg yrapy. yakb Gap{ Ja{ `mopm
al{olm mnym yxofm,
Rpaim way yralbklg. donbklg rdm akp carrpmyy nkfm a y}p#
`oapb, Ol rdm oop. wdmpm kr olim na{. wmpm rdpmm akp xky#
rony. eum rdpowklg yrapy. rwo rdpowklg flkumy. alb a xakp
o l}lidaf}y, K y}`iolyiko}yn{ xallmb c{ m{my anolg rdm
wmaxoly. nmr ro pkgdr. nkfm rdm yimlm kl Myiaxm epoc Lmw
[opf wdmpm rdm iacmpa xaly anolg rdm mq}kxcmlr F}pr
P}yymnny goklg ro rafm klro rdm Lmw [opf Ikr{ Xmlan Ion#
ol{ ro yaum rdm xpmykbmlr,
Armp Gap{ yxofm. lo olm mnym bkb, Wm ann. wopb#
nmyyn{. `mlr bowl alb roof rdklgy, K roof al akp xkyron $kr
noofmb nkfm a pmuonump+, @p{al roof alordmp akp xkyronkrnoofmb nkfm a 1;11 Ionr ,2=alb rdm l}lidaf}y, Gap{
Ja{ ywooxmb }x rdm rdpowklg yrapy alb Rpaim roof rdm
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
09
rdkpb xkyron, Kr waylr cobmnmb armp al{ mtkyrklg g}l, Kr
j}yr noofmb nkfm a gmlmpki akp xkyronuag}mn{ pa{ g}l{.
`powl gpkxy alb `naif `appmn, Rpaim nakb rdm akp carrpmyy
bowl alb wm ann nmr,
K p}ydmb `aif }x ro rdm rkifmr `oord alb nkrmb rdm
ydabm, Low wm wmpm kl rdm cagki do}p. wdml rdm mum#
lklg i}yrocmpy wo}nb yrapr bpkrklg }x, Rdm{b axxmap
kl gpo}xy o rwo op rdpmm. rdml kl a `pkm. idaorki cayy.
wdkid wo}nb q}kifn{ opc a nklm, K x}r rdm akp xkyron kl rdmbpawmp alb gor rdm rdpmm yxoony o rkifmry pmab{ kl rdmkp
bkyxmlympy op rdm mumlklgy ydowy,
D}d, Rdkif ipowb mapn{ op Rdm Nkuklg Ba{nkgdry, K
xpmxapmb. cmlrann{. ro yrapr ymnnklg dan yr}`y wdml K yaw.
oump rdm dmaby o rdm xmoxnm kl nklm. Pobb{,
Dm way yralbklg kl rdm xapfklg nor. nmalklg agaklyr rdmxpkcmp#xaklr bmpmnkir o dky iap. donbklg io}pr kl polr o
yocm xpmx}`myimlr cmrandmaby, Dm way rp{klg dapb ro
air `opmb. ponnklg dky m{my alb ydafklg dky dmab kl rdar
yab. [o} xoop. }li}nr}pmb kbkor wa{. wdmpm {o} walr
ro ayympr bocklalim wkrdo}r ya{klg al{rdklg yraprnklg op
opkgklan, Pobb{ io}nb oln{ bo rdky wkrd rwmnum#{map#onby,
Al{olm wdob mtxmpkmlimb pman dmapraidm. rpaumnmb o}r#
ykbm o rdm Yrmpnklg ikr{ nkckry. op pmab al{ `oof a`oum
rdm [o}lg Ab}nr gmlpm lmump bonmb o}r copm rdal ermml
ymiolby o pmgapb op Pobb{, Rdky way wdmpm dm gor ro
wmap dky onb yagm ioyr}cm, Kl rdm xapfklg nor o a yrpkx
cann. nkr `{ c}yrapb{ yrpmmrnacxy. `paifmrmb `{ rdm Gkalr
Eooby. D}lal Gapbml. a pman myrarm oeim. faparm albxkzza alb Watkm Catkmy alb rdm Rowlimlrmp 9opmump
bpoxxklg uag}m dklry a`o}r `}{klg ikgapmrrmy op `oozm
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XA A
02
op fkby wdo bpmacmb o yocmba{. yocmdow. `miocklg
Pobb{, Yool rdm{b `m rdm wkrddonbmpy o Xa`yr @n}m Pk`#
`ol alb Iacmny, Rdm{ kcagklmb xkcxnm#pklgmb m{my noof#
klg }x ar rdmc kl wolbmp alb kcagklmb rdar Bkpm Yrpakryy
Colm{ op Lordklg wo}nb xna{ wdmlmump rdm{ wanfmb,
@}r rdml Pobb{ lobbmb alb xoklrmb ar olm o rdm fkby.
alb rdm fkbxpob}imb a Iacmn dapb xaif alb nmr Pobb{
`}c a ikg, Pobb{ yr}if kr kl dky co}rd alb rdml gmy#
r}pmbrwo copm? Ial K gmr rwo copm op narmp? @}r rdmfkb inoymb rdm xaif, Lo bkim, Ca{`m k wm gmr yocm `mmp
goklg narmp. dm ymmcmb ro ya{,
Alb kr dkr cmK yronm rdky xoop `ayrapby @@ xkyron, Rdm
b}bm owlmb al akp carrpmyy. a `orrnm o ydacxoo. alb
rdpmm ydkpry, Dmnn. Kbwalr wmaxoly. dowmump }ymnmyy. k K
ynmxr kl rdm inoymr o a coukm rdmarmp,K noofmb kl rdm boopwa{ alb Rpaim way yralbklg rdmpm.
noofklg ay yrpkifml ay K mnr, Wm bkblr ya{ al{rdklg ro
maid ordmp. `}r rdmpm kr way. dalgklg kl rdm akp `mrwmml }y,
Wd{ dab wm yronml lklm o rdm ca{`m yktrmml xoyymyykoly
rdar Pobb{ owlmb?
[o} walla x}r mc `aif?
K yakb. K bo. ancoyr `mopm dm io}nb elkyd, K ynkxxmb
rdm @@ xkyron klro dky dalby. o}r o palgm o a wocaly
gazm. wakrklg ro }{ dmp rkifmr ro ymm Rkcord{ Banrol rafm
ol rdm }nrkcarm @olb uknnaklJom Bol @afmp,
Ymm {o} bowlyrakpy narmp,
K yakb. Ky @p{al x}rrklg dky `aif?
Dm anpmab{ bkb. yakb Rpaim, Kc goklg ro go ranf roGap{ Ja{,
Rdm epyr i}yrocmpy xpmyymb agaklyr rdm rkifmr `oord.
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
0=
alb K cmlrann{ iani}narmb dow cal{ dan rkifmry K io}nb
ymnn,
Rdm nayr ydow o rdm lkgdr way ar lklm rdkpr{, Olim K aggmb
rdm pmimkxry alb wporm rdm gpoyy kl `annxoklr xml kl rdm ymx#
aparm `powl xaxmp `agy. K inoymb rdm `oord, K dab "48 kl
c{ xoifmr poc dan yr}`y, K dmabmb bowlyrakpy. ro wdmpm
Pobb{ way Wklbmtklg rdm gnayy rox o rdm ylaif `ap,
[o} walla go ol a `mmp p}l? K ayfmb,Wdary mump{olm walr?
Rpaim iacm o}r o rdm xpojmirkol `oord, Dmb xpo`a`n{
j}yr ponnmb Bal olro dky `mnn{ yo dm wo}nblr idofm ol
uockr, Dm yakb. Gmr rdm olm `orrnm o Cab Bog 08/08,
Op yocmrdklg yrpolg nkfm rdar, Alb rdml a iaym o `mmp?
Xa`yr @n}m Pk``ol?K bolr walr ro iapp{ a iaym `aif `{ c{ymn, Yocmolm
iocm wkrd cm. yakb Pobb{, Gap{ Ja{,
Dm ydo}nb }ydmp Abumlr}pmy kl @a`{ykrrklg. yakb
Rpaim. a nkrrnm roo q}kifn{, Rdmpmy a `}lid o ckbbnm
yidoon bo}idm`agy gor bpoxxmb o { rdmkp xapmlry bowl
rdmpm,
Wmnn ydkr. {o}pm yrknn ol inmal}x, Pobb{ r}plmb ro
cm, [o} iocm, [o} wakr o}rykbm rdm Gkalr Eooby, Knn gmr
rwo rwmnum#xaify6 wmnn iapp{ rdoym `aif,
K noofmb ar Rpaim, Dm way rp{klg ro noof `nalb alb
lolidanalr alb dm way `}plklg a nor o ianopkmy boklg kr,
[mad. Knn go, Ofa{, Pobb{ alb K yraprmb rowapb rdm
yrakpy nmabklg ro rdm yrpmmr, Pkgdr `mopm K r}plmb rdm iop#lmp ro onnow Pobb{. K yaw Rpaim xkuor alb `onr bowl#
yrakpy. ro rdm rdmarmpy,
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XA A
05
* * *
Kc `mklg ioon a`o}r kr. `}r olm o {o} ayydonmy yronm
yocm o c{ ydkr. yakb Pobb{ a`p}xrn{, Wm wmpm xayyklg
`{ rdm `kg. iapumb woobml nkoly kl polr o rdm D}lal
Gapbml, Rdm nkoly yioox#jawmb. roord{ gpkly ymmcmb ro
coif Pobb{. wdo. muml low. yxmafklg rdpo}gd inmlidmb
rmmrd. noofmb nkfm dky bpoox{ nowmp nkx wo}nb ynkbm alb
x}bbnm olro rdm polr o dky ydkpr,
Yocmolm kl rdm rdmarmp?Lo. yocmolm kl rdm Xmlragol. }if#lmif. yakb Pobb{,
K wmlr kl op a ymiolb. ro gmr yocm Epmydml#}x g}c Kb
yraydmb kl c{ @aif ro rdm E}r}pm umyr. alb yocm o c{
ydkr way golm,
Wdar yr}?
Nkfm {o} bolr flow,K yakb. K bolr, Pmann{, K bolr flow wdar {o} fmmx kl
rdmpm,
Pobb{ bkblr ya{ al{rdklg op a ymiolb, Wm wmpm ar rdm
a}rocarki boopy op rdm Gkalr Eooby,
[o} ancoyr ynkxxmb }x rdmpm, Ymm. k {o}b yakb. K
bkblr rafm al{ o {o}p rdpowklg yrapy. Kb flow {o}
wmpm n{klg,
Yocmolm roof{o} daum rdpowklg yrapy?
Ekum o mc, Alb Kc a bmab ydor rdpowklg rdmc, Kum
gor akp xkyrony. alb @p}im Nmm yrkify. `}r lo olm roof al{
o rdmc. yakb Pobb{. dan ro rdm akp apo}lb }y. nkfm dm
way x}rrklg rogmrdmp a x}zznm, Yo Kc noofklg op yocm#
olm wkrd q}kif apcy, Wdkid {o} bolr daum,K yakb. Ofa{,
Ymm. Kc `mrrmpl Ion}c`o ar eg}pklg rdky yr} o}r,
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
07
Alb rdml dm yrmxxmb `aifwapb rdpo}gd rdm dkyyklg#oxml
boopy. }la`nm ro y}xxpmyy a gkpnkyd dan id}ifnm ay rdm
boopy oxmlmb ay dmb doxmb rdm{ wo}nb alb dm bkblr
`o}lim dky ayy ol gnayy armp }rrmpklg dky mtkr nklm,
Ol o}p wa{ `aif. Pobb{ mtxo}lbmb ol Ion}c`o. wdkid
way dky auopkrm ydow, K pmankzmb. j}yr mopm wm pmaidmb rdm
rdmarmp. rdar Pobb{ `mnkmumb Ion}c`o dab a rpaklmb own,
Rdm nayr xarpoly inkc`mb rdm yrakpy ro rdm y}paim alb
docm, Low kr way }y alb Pobb{,
Bmmx X}pxnmy Xmpemir Yrpalgmpy an`}c way `nayrklg
rdpo}gd rdm yo}lb y{yrmc, ]y}ann{. `mopm wm yraprmb
bpklfklg. olm o }y wo}nb p}l ro rdm raxm caidklm. ro
rp{ ro ynax a Ual Danml op Dyfmp B iayymrrm kl `mopmPobb{ io}nb x}r kl dky mnoumb Bmmx X}pxnm alb inakc rdm
yo}lbrpaif op rdm mumlklg, Low. kl a ckyg}kbmb arrmcxr
ro xnaiarm Pobb{. yocmolm dab x}r kl Bmmx X}pxnm, @}r
rdm Bmmx X}pxnm iayymrrm way kl Pobb{y pooc. lmyrnmb kl
kry ynor kl dky iayymrrm iappkmp. acolg dky ,94 Yxmikan alb
Magnmy alb Jkcc{ @}mrr raxmy, Yo anpmab{. dm flmw rdar.
agakl. yocmolm dab palyaifmb dky yr},
Ar nmayr. Ion}c`o wo}nb daum g}myymb rdar,
Pobb{ xnaimb dky rwmnum#xaif ol rdm ylaif io}lrmp,
K d}ppkmb bowlyrakpy. ro dkbm rdm ordmp olm `mdklb rdm
nayr pow o ymary kl rdmarmp olm. o}p bmykglarmb bpklfklg
apma, Pobb{ wo}nb }ym dky rwmnum#xaif ro mlrkim dky io}pr
o xaklr d}mpy alb yfarm pary bowl klro rdm rdmarmp. yowmb nmaplmb ro yrayd o}p owl, Pobb{ cabm pkmlby wkrd
rdkpyr{ `}plo}ry,
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XA A
04
Wdml K appkumb `aif ar rdm ylaif `ap. Rpaim alb @p{al
wmpm ydorg}llklg `mmpy, Pobb{ way ynown{ ykxxklg dky.
yrknn donbklg rdm `orrnm o CB 08/08,
Wdmpmy Gap{ Ja{? K ayfmb,
[mad. wdmpm ky rdar yrpolg#apcmb nkrrnm }ifmp? ayfmb
Pobb{, [o}b rdklf dmb
Alb rdml Cmnklba iacm apo}lb rdm ioplmp. poc rdm
yrakpy nmabklg }x ro rdm yrpmmr,
Cmnklba pmyroifmb rdm yanab `ap ar rdm Gkalr Eoobyalb way i}ppmlrn{ dauklg a ynoxx{ pocalim wkrd @p{al,
Ydm way yrknn kl dkgd yidoon `}r dmabklg rowapb ymlkop
{map, Ydm way gax#roordmb alb axxnm#idmmfmb. `}r kr ann
d}lg rogmrdmp ay i}rm, @p{al. uag}mn{ bpoxxklg dklry
rdar dmb yocmba{ jokl rdm apc{ alb ca{`m `miocm a
Gpmml @mpmr. dkb dky nazklg. boocmb xayykol op Cmnklbawkrd a gp} lolidanalim,
Dm{. g}{y. yakb Cmnklba,
[mad. wdary }x? D}d. yakb @p{al. ykxxklg dky `mmp ro
dkbm rdm ycknm rdar ipaifmb dky aim,
Pobb{ noofmb xkyymb, [o} io}nb rmnn dmb dab yocmrdklg
yklkyrmp alb rdpmarmlklg kl rdm `pmmid. alb Cmnklba dab
q}mmpmb dky xkrid wkrd dmp boxm{ idmmp}nlmyy, Cmnklba
ynkb dmp ydo}nbmp }lbmp @p{aly pmm apc alb rkifnmb dky
yrocaid,
Rdky way bapf rmppkrop{ op Pobb{, Rwo o`uko}yn{
klloimlr mnnow mcxno{mmyc{ yraccmpklg alb `}bb{#
`}bb{ magmplmyy ol rdm `mmp p}l dab ipoyymb cm o rdm
y}yxmir nkyr. alb Rpaimy `kg. oxml aim way a wklbow klrodky ipaccmb#wkrd#airy. ionnmgm#`o}lb `pakl, C{ noum o
P,M,C, alb yikmlim eirkol wmpm rwo copm yrpkfmy agaklyr
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
0;
cm, Pobb{ io}nblr iolimkum K xoyymyymb rdm `onblmyy o
rdkmump{ wkrd y}id cacay#`o{ rayrmy,
Alb. wopyr o ann. rdmpm way @p{al. ydapklg rdm wapcrd
o a mcanm,
[{{{{{mad, Wmnn. Kc goklg }x. gmr c{ `}by, Pobb{
gpkcaimb ay dm fknnmb dky `mmp. xnaimb rdm CB 08/08 ol
rdm io}lrmp. alb co}lrmb rdm yrakpy. o ro ionnmir dky now#
xpormkl cklkoly,
Law. Kc lor gkuklg rdmc `aif. yakb Gap{ Ja{, Dm
ialr muml xpoum Kum gor mc,
Rpaim yakb. Wdo mnym wo}nb yrman mc? Yocmolm iacm
kl ro ymm a coukm. alb rdml rdm{ wmlr klro dky pooc,,, ?
Ca{`m, Gap{ Ja{. Rpaim. alb K wmpm kl rdm xpojmirkol
`oord, Rdm c}mb yo}lb o Bmmx X}pxnmy Wayrmb Y}l#ymry rdp}ccmb rdpo}gd rdm wanny, Baly iapxmrmb ylop#
klg way no}bmp,
Cal. rdm b}bmy y}id a xy{ido, Dmy }x rdmpm wkrd dky
bkifdmab pkmlby6 {o} ial go x}r mc `aif low. K yakb,
Ca{`m K wdklmb,
Dm airy nkfm a xy{ido,
K yakb. Wdar bkmpmlim bomy rdar cafm?
C{ g}ry wmpm glapnmb wkrd rdky }lxnmayalr mmnklg o
map. alb rdml algmp ar c{ymn op `mklg apakb. alb rdml
g}knr, K Gap{ Ja{ wmlr bowl. kr wo}nb `m oln{ `mia}ym dm
gor ia}gdr, K dab a ylmafklg y}yxkikol rdar @p{al. Rpaim.
alb Kiocxapmb ro Gap{ Ja{wmpm x}yykmy, K dmb x}r
rdm rdpowklg yrapy `aif. K io}nb mpaym yocm o rdar, Aldo}p ago K way `opklg a donm rdpo}gd c{ nkckrmb y}`#
}p`al mtkyrmlim. iaridklg a gnkcxym o rdm napgmp wopnb,
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XA A
98
Low K way `mggklg c{ pkmlb ro xpmympum rdm nacm#ayy
yrar}y q}o, Rdm lmtr mw {mapy o c{ nkmann rdpo}gd
ionnmgm. air}ann{wo}nb `m a i}pykum xpogpmyykol: a d}gm
noox opwapb alb rdml a palrki. yrpakgdr nklm `aif,
Wmnn. K rpkmb. yakb Rpaim. nkfm dmb iapumb kr ol a pmyd
roc`yrolm, Dm wanfmb awa{. bmealrn{. o}r o rdm xpojmi#
rkol oord alb bowl rdm yrakpy klro rdmarmp olm op a pmyd
`mmp,
K roof rwo ymiolby roo nolg kl rdklfklg o yocmrdklgmq}ann{ elan alb ymn#a`yonuklg ro ya{, Pobb{ fkifmb rdm
boop oxml,
@mdklb dkc K io}nb ymm o}p o dky p}lr{ ayyoikarmy, Kr
way ay k Pobb{ wmpm Bp, Copma} `}r. klyrmab o rp{klg ro
r}pl alkcany klro cml. dmb rpkmb gpowklg lmw umpykoly o
dkcymn o}r o rpkccklgy poc dky wkyx{ c}yraidm, Maido dky `}plo}r yarmnnkrmy way arrmcxrklg ro gpow rdm yacm
xkm`anb iarmpxknnap }lbmp dky loym, Rdm mtxmpkcmlr waylr
a y}iimyy. dowmumplolm o rdm p}lry dab Pobb{y bapf
ikpinmy }lbmp rdmkp m{my,
Wdmpmy c{ }ifklg rdpowklg yrapy? Pobb{ way j}r#
rklg dky jaw ay ap opwapb ay dm io}nb, Rdm pmpo}rklg o
mlmpg{ cabm dky `mnn{ yag, Dm oln{ dab yo c}id ro go
apo}lb,
Kl c{ xoifmr. lmtr ro c{ bkif. yakb Gap{ Ja{, Olm o
rdm p}lry wmlr. Wdoox! [o} io}nb rmnn Pobb{ io}nblr
eg}pm o}r k Gap{ Ja{ way q}myrkolklg dky caldoob, Way
rdky a rwkyrmb. docoxdo`ki Na`op o Dmpi}nmypmioump
{o}p wmaxoly `{ y}ifklg c{ ioif?Wd{b {o} rafm mc?
Gap{ Ja{ yakb. Ia}ym K walrmb mc, Rdm{pm `abayy,
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
91
[o}pm pkgdr. yakb Pobb{. ay k iolimbklg a xoklr kl
al apg}cmlr, Wd{ bkblr {o} rafm rdm akp xkyrony? Op rdm
l}lidaf}y?
Rdml dm r}plmb ol cm. ay q}kif alb inoym ro al abbmp
yrpkfklg ay dky yrapid{ iolyrkr}rkol io}nb c}yrmp, Wmpm
{o} golla rafm c{ g}ly?
Wm wmpm ann kl rdmpm. yakb Gap{ Ja{, @}r dm alb rdoym
ordmp g}{y x}yymb o}r,
Pobb{ r}plmb `aif ro Gap{ Ja{,Yocmwdmpm. kl rdar cocmlr. rdmpm way a dkyropki iol#
impr daxxmlklg op rwo d}lbpmb xmoxnm kl a rkl{ pooc,
Yocmwdmpm a alb nkfm E}gazk op Cklop Rdpmar way }knb#
klg kry nmgai{, Yocmwdmpm a {o}lg enccafmp way ykrrklg kl
a pmx rdmarmp. waridklg Rdm Eannml Kbonop Rdm Pmb Ydomy
alb bmikbklg. kl rdmkp cklb. ro `m al aprkyr, A`oum cm. klrdm rkifmr `oord. way a `oof alb a iayymrrm o c}yki K way
rp{klg ro nayd rogmrdmp ay yocm yopr o nkm par ro c{ }r}pm,
@}r pkgdr rdml. K oln{ walrmb olm rdklg kl rdm wopnb, K
walrmb a g}{ ro pmr}pl eum rdpowklg yrapy ro a g}{ dmb
yronml rdmc poc. alb auokb ymmklg yocmrdklg }gn{. yo K
io}nb go bpklf idmax `mmp alb nkyrml ro ckb#iapmmp Bmmx
X}pxnm,
Eklann{. Pobb{ r}plmb `aif ro cm, Da! [mad! [o} bkb
x}yy o}r!
Rdml. ay k knn}yrparklg ro dky Ailm Nmgkol rdar rp}m
xowmp nkmy kl gkuklg kr awa{. dm ywkumnmb dky gazm `aif ro
Gap{ Ja{ alb yakb. Fmmx mc. K bolr gkum a apr, Rdm{pm
lor `analimb pkgdr al{wa{,Don{ ydkr. K dab ro gmr o}r o Ukpgklka,
Do}py narmp. wpaxxmb kl a rklgn{ oumpioar o `mmp alb
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XA A
90
ywmmr wklm. K yar kl rdmarmp olm, Xmpemir Yrpalgmpy dab mml
xna{klg. lolyrox. rdm mlrkpm rkcm. }r wm wmpm m{olb iap#
klg, Wmb `pofml o}r rdm @@ xkyrony alb. kl a pkr}an wm
pmxmarmb ancoyr mump{ lkgdr poc rdar xoklr ol. wm ydor
ar Pobb{y cklkoly, Rdar way rdm xpkim rdm{ xakb op rdm
aniodon rdm{ bpalf, Rdm{b yralb bowl kl polr o rdm
yipmml alb nmr }y bklg rdmc wkrd cmran @@y,
Rpaim alb Gap{ Ja{ yar rogmrdmp. akcklg maid ydor, K
way epklg rdm 1;11#yr{nm g}l olm#dalbmb alb ckyyklg,Rdm `oozm waylr dmnxklg, O}r o a bkcn{ pmcmc`mpmb
cmpi{ wm akcmb oln{ op rdm ropyo,
Pobb{ yar lmtr ro cm. mtxnaklklg kl bmrakn dow dmb
yonumb rdm c{yrmp{ o rdm rdpowklg yrapy, Lopcann{ Kb
daum `mml allo{mb. `}r rdm ydmmp nmumn o `}nnydkr kl dky
yrop{dm airkumn{ bkypmcmc`mpmb iolimbklg rdm rdpow#klg yrapy ro Gap{ Ja{ alb way xnallklg ol ac`}ydklg dkc
wkrd l}lidaf}y narmpbmnkgdrmb cm,
@p{al alb Cmnklba wmpm `mdklb }y. boklg rdm fklb o
palrki rolg}m#fkyyklg rdar cabm kr noof nkfm rdm{ wmpm
maid marklg a xmaid,* Rdm yip}{ x}lfy. akp#g}krapklg
`abn{ro ]lbmp rdm G}l. wmpm low a`yop`klg dmab
ydory, @}r. apcopmb wkrd `mnnkmy }nn o oprkemb wklm. rdm{
wmpm m{olb ymlym op iolimpl, Alordmp lkgdr ar rdm Rowl#
imlrmp 9a lkgdr rdar lmump pmann{ yraprmbway a`o}r ro
lor pmann{ mlb,
*Od cal. `}r bkb Cmnklba mump `pmaf xoop @p{aly dmapr, Dm xpoxoymba mw {mapy narmp. armp waydklg o}r o rdm apc{. alb ydm iannmb kr o a wmmf
`mopm rdm l}xrkany, K pal klro dmp. {mapy narmp. ar ionnmgm. ar al P,M,C, iol#impr, Rdm{ wmpm ro}pklg ol rdm Boi}cmlran`}c, K g}myy ydm roof a n{pkipoc A}irkolmmp. o o Ea`nmy oe rdm Pmiolyrp}irkol. ro dmaprYdmbkblr walr ro gmr xkllmb bowl `{ dmp xpkop rowl,
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Zcm XAimdX AmA b
99
K yrknn rdklf a`o}r rdm Rowlimlrmp 9. yocm lkgdry `mopm
ynmmx, K kcagklm oarklg a`oum al ann#agmy ydow ar rdm
@kpidcmpm kl Waydklgrol. BI, E}gazk ky i}rrklg a yward
o g}r#`}ifmr }p{ rdpo}gd yxaim alb rkcm, K way lmump
rdmpm, @}r nkfm Pobb{. K ial pm#pmcmc`mp rdklgy ro y}kr
c{ pmgpmr,
Rdml. kl c{ cmcop{. K oar loprdwmyr ro rdm y}`}p`y.
ro Yrmpnklg. alb oump rdm Rowlimlrmp 9,
Alb rdml K `mgkl bmyimlbklg bowl. bowl. }lbmp#gpo}lb, Xayr Gap{ Ja{. xaklrklg rdm cmly pooc wkrd
pmgan x}pxnm CB 08/08 uockr, Xayr Bal. ynmmxklg ol dky
ykbm alb c}rrmpklg a`o}r pkbklg rdm dkgd io}lrp{, Xayr
@p{al alb Cmnklba. ydapklg J}lkop Cklry ar rdm ylaif
`ap. o}rnklmb `{ a dmapr rdm{ io}nblr ymm way anpmab{ `po#
fml, Rdml oump ro Pobb{y oeim. wdmpm Rpaim pmyronm rdml}lidaf}y,
Alb elann{. bowl ro rdmarmp olm. wdmpm a ioif{ iopxym
lacmb Pobb{ ydor yfarm x}lfy wkrd a @@ g}l,
Wdmpmy o}p iomm#ra`nm `oof? Od. wakr, Lo olm roof
xkir}pmy, Alb wm wmpm ann }gn{,
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YIPK@LMP
A Bkukykol oe Ykcol % Yid}yrmp. Kli,
1098 Auml}m oe rdm AcmpkiayLmw [opf. L[ 18808
Imprakl lacmy alb kbmlrke{klg idapairmpkyrkiy daum `mml idalgmb.
imprakl idapairmpy apm iocxoykrmy. alb yocm apm cabm#}x anrogmrdmp,
Iox{pkgdr 0811 `{ Bagolmr. Kli,
Ann pkgdry pmympumb. klin}bklg rdm pkgdr ro pmxpob}im rdky `oof op xoprkoly rdmpmoe
kl al{ eopc wdaryomump, Eop kleopcarkol abbpmyy Yipk`lmp Y}`ykbkap{ Pkgdry Bmxaprcmlr.
1098 Auml}m oe rdm Acmpkiay. Lmw [opf. L[ 18808,
Ekpyr Yipk`lmp rpabm xaxmp`aif mbkrkol Loumc`mp 0811
YIPK@LMP alb bmykgl apm pmgkyrmpmb rpabmcapfy oe Rdm Ganm Gpo}x. Kli,.
}ymb }lbmp nkimlym `{ Ykcol % Yid}yrmp. Kli,. rdm x}`nkydmp oe rdky wopf,
Eop kleopcarkol a`o}r yxmikan bkyio}lry eop `}nf x}pidaymy.
xnmaym iolrair Ykcol % Yid}yrmp Yxmikan Yanmy ar 1#455#=85#1;2;
op }yklmyyHykcolalbyid}yrmp,ioc,
Rdm Ykcol % Yid}yrmp Yxmafmpy @}pma} ial `pklg a}rdopy
ro {o}p nkum mumlr,Eop copm kleopcarkol op ro `oof al mumlr
iolrair rdm Ykcol % Yid}yrmp Yxmafmpy @}pma} ar 1#455#024#982;op ukykr o}p wm`ykrm ar www,ykcolyxmafmpy,ioc,
BMYKGLMB @[ MPKID DO@@KLG
Cal}eair}pmb kl rdm ]lkrmb Yrarmy oe Acmpkia
1 9 = 7 ; 18 4 5 2 0
Nk`pap{ oe Iolgpmyy Iolrpon L}c`mp: 081880=122
KY@L ;74#1#29;1#2;84#;KY@L ;74#1#29;1#2;8;#5 $x`f+
KY@L ;74#1#29;1#=507#4 $m`oof+
b ` e b