Relational Flow Definition
Definition of relational flow:
You and your client are fully challenged at a high level of skill and awareness. You co-create an energizing and empowering experience.You both spiral to a new place where you are smarter, wiser, and more able to succeed than ever before.
Relational Flow TrainingSelf-assessment
Rate your relational flow ability out of 10 before and after training:
Enter flow stateInvite your client into flow stateInitiate and sustain relational flow
Training Goal:
Provide pathways to increase your relational flow skills
Relational Flow Training
Characteristics of flow and relational flowRelational competence skillsHow to start and sustain relational flowEmotional intelligence skillsRelational flow outcomes – readiness and self-efficacy
Relational Competence
Today we will help you:Awaken and ignite your relational capacity – step up to the edge of the dance floorStep into the dance by using relational skills
We will develop the skills of:Relational WarmthCreating Calm Deep AffirmationZest & PlayfulnessCourage & Honesty
Relational CompetenceBeing with your client
Don’t Just Do Something: SIT THERE!
The skills of Relational Competence draw on your ability to BE WITH the client.These are your human BEING skills: this aspect of relational flow requires you to let go of your getting the client to “DO” something. The paradox: by quietly creating an atmosphere of trust and mutuality, you pave the way to later action.
What Relational Flow Feels Like
5 signs experienced by both parties
Sense of Zest and Vitality
Empowerment; Response-ability
Increased Knowledge of Oneself and Others
Increased Sense of Worth
Desire for Making More Connections
Adapted from Jean Baker Miller’s “What Do We Mean by Relationship”
Exploring our Being Skills
For each skill we will:
Think about what it meansDescribe how it might look, through a metaphor, story, or mantraRefer to character strengths (authentic happiness signature strengths)Reflect on ourselves. Is this skill a natural strength? How can we develop this skill?
The Being of Warmth
Defining Warmth: Emanating positive regard and caring
Metaphor: A beautiful flower opens up in the sun
Character strengths: love, kindness
Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10
Increasing Warmth
How can we increase warmth?– The power of voice tone
– Adjusting our attitude (free from judgment)
– Be a conduit of love
Warmth igniters– I am committed to you
– You really matter to me
– I have your best interests at heart
– I love you
The Being of Calm
Definition: Presence, calm-energy, sense of purpose, quiet confidence
Metaphor: We’re on a journey to a better place and we will get there.
Character strengths: spirituality, vitality, persistence
Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10
Increasing Calm
How can we increase calm?
- cultivate mindfulness, quiet inner voices
Calm inducers– I am present and open to the unfolding of your journey
– I know that this is going to work out well
– We will find the meaning of your journey
– I know that you will find your way
– We will overcome obstacles together
The Being of Affirmation
Definition: Seeing through to the core of goodness, strength, and wholeness of our client
Story: we all have a dark alley way
Character strengths: love, kindness, humility
Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10
Increasing Affirmation
How can we increase affirmation?– Getting past the hierarchy of better/less than
Affirmation igniters– I believe that you are whole
– I can transcend judgment and accept you
– I deeply appreciate you and the value of your experiences and contributions
– I am open to everything you say even if it seems contradictory
The Being of Zest & PlayfulnessDefinition
Zest Definition– Alive, energetic, vital, and spirited
Playfulness Definition – Humor and curiosity
– Playful recognition, enjoyment, or creation of incongruities
– Ability to find a light and cheerful view of adversity
– Ability to make others laugh
The Being of Zest & Playfulness
Metaphor
We are alive and energized.
We’re playing with the possibilities of self-discovery, self-image, and change with enjoyment
Character strengths: Curiosity, Vitality, Humor
Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10
Increasing Zest & Playfulness
How can we increase zest and playfulness?– Access child-like curiosity
– Give yourself permission to play
Zest and playfulness igniters– We are having fun
– I enjoy learning about you
– I am intrigued by you
– I love the quirky and surprising parts of your story
The Being of Courage & Authenticity
Definition: speaking the truth with love
Mastery of fear, honesty, and willingness to risk a wrong dance step
Metaphor: conflict isn’t a fight, it’s just shining the light.
We’re ready and willing to find the truth and take risks that serve our clients.
Character strengths: bravery, integrity/honesty,
Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10
Increasing Courage & Honesty
How can we increase courage and honesty?– The new rule of thumb on when to speak
Courage and honesty igniters– I will be honest in a loving and affirmative way
– I will allow myself to see what I see and tell you
– I will take risks to serve you
– I will bring integrity to our partnership
Getting to Relational Flow
Awaken and ignite your relational capacity –step up to the edge of the dance floorChallenge yourself to step into the danceInvite your client to dance – use warmth, calm, affirmation, playfulness, courage
Coaching Demonstration
Select relational competence area where you would like to make improvements:– Warmth
– Calm
– Affirmation
– Zest & Playfulness
– Courage & Honesty
Find a buddy coach
Develop a vision and plan
Character strength: Love
I am committed to your welfare
Your well-being (health, happiness, and prosperity) really matters to me
I have your best interests at heart
I love you
Character strength: Kindness
You are just as important as me
I want to bring you reassurance and joy
I am compassionate toward your suffering
I am part of a common humanity
Character strength: Spirituality
I believe that every life has a purpose.
I am interested in values and in living in concert with personal values
I am here to help you define your values and find meaning on your journey
I am present and open to the unfolding of the journey
Character strength: Vitality
I am alive and vital
I have spirit
I have high energy and high calmness – calm-energy
Character strength: Persistence
I do not give up easily
I will persevere with my client to overcome challenges and obstacles to reach a desired outcome
I have the ability to help my client to determine when to persevere and when to not
Character strength: Humility
I have an accurate sense of my abilities, strengths, and limitations
I am able to forget myself and focus on my client
I deeply appreciate the value of my client and his/her experiences
I am open to new ideas and contradictory information
Character strength: Curiosity
I am eager to explore my client’s story and possibilities
I enjoy learning about my client
I am intrigued by my client’s situation
I am open to any idea, possibility, and experience
Character strength: Humor
I recognize, enjoy, and even create incongruities
I am able to find a light and cheerful view of adversity
I am able to make my client laugh
I am eager to explore my client’s story and possibilities
Character strength: Bravery
I understand the risks of missteps in the coaching dance
I have mastered my fear in exploring and understanding my client’s situation
I am ready and willing to take risks which have the potential to serve my client
I am ready and willing to be courageous in inviting my client to dance and change
Character strength: Integrity/Honesty
I have integrity and am guided by my values
Being open and honest is important to me
I believe that honesty will support the coaching dance and outcomes