Relational Flow Definition

Definition of relational flow:

You and your client are fully challenged at a high level of skill and awareness. You co-create an energizing and empowering experience.You both spiral to a new place where you are smarter, wiser, and more able to succeed than ever before.

Relational Flow TrainingSelf-assessment

Rate your relational flow ability out of 10 before and after training:

Enter flow stateInvite your client into flow stateInitiate and sustain relational flow

Training Goal:

Provide pathways to increase your relational flow skills

Relational Flow Training

Characteristics of flow and relational flowRelational competence skillsHow to start and sustain relational flowEmotional intelligence skillsRelational flow outcomes – readiness and self-efficacy

Relational Competence

Today we will help you:Awaken and ignite your relational capacity – step up to the edge of the dance floorStep into the dance by using relational skills

We will develop the skills of:Relational WarmthCreating Calm Deep AffirmationZest & PlayfulnessCourage & Honesty

Relational CompetenceBeing with your client

Don’t Just Do Something: SIT THERE!

The skills of Relational Competence draw on your ability to BE WITH the client.These are your human BEING skills: this aspect of relational flow requires you to let go of your getting the client to “DO” something. The paradox: by quietly creating an atmosphere of trust and mutuality, you pave the way to later action.

What Relational Flow Feels Like

5 signs experienced by both parties

Sense of Zest and Vitality

Empowerment; Response-ability

Increased Knowledge of Oneself and Others

Increased Sense of Worth

Desire for Making More Connections

Adapted from Jean Baker Miller’s “What Do We Mean by Relationship”

Exploring our Being Skills

For each skill we will:

Think about what it meansDescribe how it might look, through a metaphor, story, or mantraRefer to character strengths (authentic happiness signature strengths)Reflect on ourselves. Is this skill a natural strength? How can we develop this skill?

The Being of Warmth

Defining Warmth: Emanating positive regard and caring

Metaphor: A beautiful flower opens up in the sun

Character strengths: love, kindness

Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10

Increasing Warmth

How can we increase warmth?– The power of voice tone

– Adjusting our attitude (free from judgment)

– Be a conduit of love

Warmth igniters– I am committed to you

– You really matter to me

– I have your best interests at heart

– I love you

The Being of Calm

Definition: Presence, calm-energy, sense of purpose, quiet confidence

Metaphor: We’re on a journey to a better place and we will get there.

Character strengths: spirituality, vitality, persistence

Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10

Increasing Calm

How can we increase calm?

- cultivate mindfulness, quiet inner voices

Calm inducers– I am present and open to the unfolding of your journey

– I know that this is going to work out well

– We will find the meaning of your journey

– I know that you will find your way

– We will overcome obstacles together

The Being of Affirmation

Definition: Seeing through to the core of goodness, strength, and wholeness of our client

Story: we all have a dark alley way

Character strengths: love, kindness, humility

Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10

Increasing Affirmation

How can we increase affirmation?– Getting past the hierarchy of better/less than

Affirmation igniters– I believe that you are whole

– I can transcend judgment and accept you

– I deeply appreciate you and the value of your experiences and contributions

– I am open to everything you say even if it seems contradictory

The Being of Zest & PlayfulnessDefinition

Zest Definition– Alive, energetic, vital, and spirited

Playfulness Definition – Humor and curiosity

– Playful recognition, enjoyment, or creation of incongruities

– Ability to find a light and cheerful view of adversity

– Ability to make others laugh

The Being of Zest & Playfulness

Metaphor

We are alive and energized.

We’re playing with the possibilities of self-discovery, self-image, and change with enjoyment

Character strengths: Curiosity, Vitality, Humor

Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10

Increasing Zest & Playfulness

How can we increase zest and playfulness?– Access child-like curiosity

– Give yourself permission to play

Zest and playfulness igniters– We are having fun

– I enjoy learning about you

– I am intrigued by you

– I love the quirky and surprising parts of your story

The Being of Courage & Authenticity

Definition: speaking the truth with love

Mastery of fear, honesty, and willingness to risk a wrong dance step

Metaphor: conflict isn’t a fight, it’s just shining the light.

We’re ready and willing to find the truth and take risks that serve our clients.

Character strengths: bravery, integrity/honesty,

Self-rating – scale of 1 to 10

Increasing Courage & Honesty

How can we increase courage and honesty?– The new rule of thumb on when to speak

Courage and honesty igniters– I will be honest in a loving and affirmative way

– I will allow myself to see what I see and tell you

– I will take risks to serve you

– I will bring integrity to our partnership

Getting to Relational Flow

Awaken and ignite your relational capacity –step up to the edge of the dance floorChallenge yourself to step into the danceInvite your client to dance – use warmth, calm, affirmation, playfulness, courage

Coaching Demonstration

Select relational competence area where you would like to make improvements:– Warmth

– Calm

– Affirmation

– Zest & Playfulness

– Courage & Honesty

Find a buddy coach

Develop a vision and plan

Character strength: Love

I am committed to your welfare

Your well-being (health, happiness, and prosperity) really matters to me

I have your best interests at heart

I love you

Character strength: Kindness

You are just as important as me

I want to bring you reassurance and joy

I am compassionate toward your suffering

I am part of a common humanity

Character strength: Spirituality

I believe that every life has a purpose.

I am interested in values and in living in concert with personal values

I am here to help you define your values and find meaning on your journey

I am present and open to the unfolding of the journey

Character strength: Vitality

I am alive and vital

I have spirit

I have high energy and high calmness – calm-energy

Character strength: Persistence

I do not give up easily

I will persevere with my client to overcome challenges and obstacles to reach a desired outcome

I have the ability to help my client to determine when to persevere and when to not

Character strength: Humility

I have an accurate sense of my abilities, strengths, and limitations

I am able to forget myself and focus on my client

I deeply appreciate the value of my client and his/her experiences

I am open to new ideas and contradictory information

Character strength: Curiosity

I am eager to explore my client’s story and possibilities

I enjoy learning about my client

I am intrigued by my client’s situation

I am open to any idea, possibility, and experience

Character strength: Humor

I recognize, enjoy, and even create incongruities

I am able to find a light and cheerful view of adversity

I am able to make my client laugh

I am eager to explore my client’s story and possibilities

Character strength: Bravery

I understand the risks of missteps in the coaching dance

I have mastered my fear in exploring and understanding my client’s situation

I am ready and willing to take risks which have the potential to serve my client

I am ready and willing to be courageous in inviting my client to dance and change

Character strength: Integrity/Honesty

I have integrity and am guided by my values

Being open and honest is important to me

I believe that honesty will support the coaching dance and outcomes