Foot Raker(And Another Free Story 'Sunlight' With No Budget)By Martin BradyCopyright (c) Martin BradyI've always enoyed Su!!er Bloc"#usters$%his is !y spoo& Su!!er Bloc"#uster Foot 'a"er which does its #est to &ollow the &or!ula$I've also added an additional story at the ending called Sunlight which covers !y thoughts on Budget (orror Movies with a #udget o& Bagels and Co&&ee and actors who are not paid or who could care less$%he &inal story is ridiculous and that is the point o& it$It you &ind it terri#le then that is the point o& it$)noy$*r !ay#e don't enoy it$I& you really hate the story I will #e very happy$Table of ContentsFoot 'a"er$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+Agent Methane$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,Agent Fred$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$-%he --rd %ea!$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.(igh Altitude$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$/%he Interview$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$01i&t *&&2$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$3%he Music 4ideo$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+5Moon %rou#le$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+,%he 6arty$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+-*ne S!all 7a!e$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+.Cra8y 7ol&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+9Balls$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+/Body 7uards$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+0Finally %he Fiendish 6lan 'evealed$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+3%he ):citing )nding$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,5;;Crap Bonus Story;; Sunlight$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,,Sunlight < 5 < %he Message Fro! %he Invaders$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,, Sunlight < + < =ar"ness is co!ing$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,,Sunlight < , < Attac" o& the Space Ships$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,, Sunlight < - < Fear on the Streets$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,, Sunlight < . < %otal =ar"ness$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,- Sunlight < 9 < Chased$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,- Sunlight < / < %hey (ave 'o#ots$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,- Sunlight < 0 < %erri&ying Creatures$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,. Sunlight < 3 < %he )arth Is Saved$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,.Agent MethaneAgent Methane sat on #oard a transatlantic &light to an e:otic destination when the Stewardess gave hi! his secret !ission card which was the !at &or his sha"en and stirred le!on soda with a twist o& rasp#erry$(e put on his special glasses and the recording played$>?our !ission should you choose to accept it Agent Methane is to in&iltrate and #rea" up Soctre which is secretly planning world do!ination during their dar" side o& the !oon Soctre tourna!ent$?ou !ust in&iltrate a Soctre tea! and &ind out where all the !oney is going$I& you do not accept this !ission then you're &ired$%his !essage will #urst into &la!es in one second$>%he #eer !at suddenly caught &ire and Agent Methane threw it into a ru##ish collection #ag an Air Stewardess was using$%he ru##ish #ag then #urst into &la!es$%he Stewardess screa!ed out and everyone &ought to put out the &la!es$>(ow did this happen@> as"ed a nun$>(e did it22> pointed a "id in a cow#oy hat at Agent Methane$Methane !ade a &ace at the "id$I!!ediately hal& a do8en air !arshals leapt out o& their seats$A granny$A chu##y "id$%he nun$A !an dressed in a white pana!a suit$And one o& the! dropped out o& the ceiling &or good !easure$>AI' MA'S(A1S22> they all screa!ed$>It's o"$It's o"A> said Agent Methane$>I'! a secret agent$*n a top secret !ission$7o a#out your #usiness$>%he Stewardess !ade a &ace at Agent Methane$>AW C*M) *N22Not AN*%()' secret agent22> screa!ed one o& the Air Marshalls$>I WAN% A%'ANSF)'22> said the Chu##y Air Marshal$Agent Methane li&ted his hal&Another oneA> he said to the stewardess and poc"eted his secret agent identity card #elonging to the SMA'FASS *rgani8ation$No#ody "new what SMA'FASS !eant #ut the card loo"ed authentic and so the &light continued on its way$Methane pressed the &light attendant #utton$>What@2> as"ed the e:asperated Stewardess$>Can we redirect the &light to )urope@> he as"ed$>It would save !e a lot o& ti!e &or !y !ission$>Agent Fred An Undisclosed Pub Location Somewhere Near Bracknell in the UK Agent Methane sat in a #ar #eside a !an$>%he weather is not good &or this ti!e o& yearA> said Methane$>No it isn'tA> said the !an$Methane loo"ed at the !an$>*h sorryA> said Fred$(e too" out his reply card$>I guess it is not for this time of the year considering the news report last night.!ethane smiled.Agent !ethane" my friends call me !ethane.Soctre Agent #red" said #red.So you want to play Soctre in the $orld Soctre %ompetition.&ou any good'( A! A$)S*!)" said !ethane. *n a nearby Soctre pitch" #red ga+e !ethane a Soctre ball.Show me the Soctre" said #red.,e kicked the ball to !ethane.&ou want me to show you the Soctre' replied !ethane.#red nodded.Show me" replied #red.,e folded his arms.!ethane then picked up the ball and ran at #red and knocked him o+er and -umped into the goals.,e landed against the netting and the temporary goals fell o+er and he ended up tied up in the goal nets.S%*.)// screamed !ethane.#red raised his eyes.*k we ha+e some work to do" replied #red.The 33rd Team Fred #rought Methane to the Soctre world cup draws$)ach tea! was #rought out and the crowd clapped and cheered$%here were thirtyI'! +..th part IcelandicA> replied Methane$>Close enoughA> said FredA getting con&ir!ation that Methane could oin the 'epu#lic o& Ireland tea! as the thirty?ou and !e are going to the Soctre World Cup2 W)'') IN22>High Altitude In the #ase ca!p in the !ountains all the Soctre tea!s o& the world gathered and =r$ Blowthu!# arrived on stage$(e threw !oney out into the area where the players were and they all gra##ed hand&uls$It had #een decided that the 'epu#lic o& Ireland would go to the Soctre World cup #ut that they would not play any !atches$>But we still have to train and put the! under pressureA> said Methane$>6ut who under pressure@> as"ed Fred$>Not sure e:actlyA> said Methane loo"ing !ysteriousA loo"ing at the stage as Miss Fonny#alls arrived on stage to do a !usical nu!#er$She hopped onto a !oving goal post and sang and #egan to twer"$Methane loo"ed at Fred$>What does *lDA *lDA *lD !ean@>Fred shrugged his shoulders$>So have you &igured out Soctre yet@> as"ed Fred$>?eahA it's easyA when you get the #allA "ic" it long and wait &or so!eone to head it at the other end o& the &ield$>The Interview %he Foreign 6ress Association interviewed =r$ Blowthu!#$>=r$ Blowthu!# what were you thin"ing #y having the world Soctre co!petition on the !oon@>>Why not@> as"ed Blowthu!# and he s!iled$%he Interviewer leaned &orward$>Because there is al!ost no gravityA it's &ree8ing coldA plus there isno o:ygen and there is only one outdoor Soctre pitch$>%he Interviewer raised his eyes$>Need I goon@2>Blowthu!# was undeterred #y the criticis!$>Well we have #uilt the new Soctre pitches and who cares what the te!perature is2%hey will have space suits22=on S!ith discovered the giant o#elis"on the !oon when he was doing his !oon ra"ing twenty years ago and he reali8ed the real reason why it was there$It was an ancient Soctre goal post2(e put another #eside it and !ade a Soctre pitch$When I saw hi! playing Soctre on the !oonA he inspired !e to host the world Soctre co!petition there$6lus &or the &ans the view will #e 7')A%2>%he interviewer nodded$>%here are those that say you really want to rule planet )arth and you're going to !a"e so !uch !oney &ro! this tourna!ent that you will #e a#le to #uy the )arth$>Blowthu!# laughed$>I can already #uy the )arth !any ti!es over #ut I a! a hu!anitarian$Isn't that right )rnesto@>(is pet &erret !ade a happy noise and then disappeared into his poc"et$Lift Off >Footra"er li&t o&&2> said Soctre space co!!ander$All across the planetA the Soctre Space Shuttles #lasted o&& &or the World Soctre Cup$Footra"er 7er!anyFootra"er FranceFootra"er Bra8ilFootra"er Me:icoFootra"er ESAFootra"er Fa!aica Mon%he list went on and on$Soon the &ans would #e gathering on the !oon arriving in their Footra"er Soctre Ships and start practising drin"ing ga!es on the !oon$Fred and Methane watched as their Footra"er #rought the! to a giant Soctre space station$ >My 7od what is it@> as"ed Methane sounding dra!atic$>It's Big Footra"erA> said Fred$>We're going to practise playing Soctre in 8ero gravity to prepare us &or the !oon$>When they doc"ed with Big Footra"er they were !et #y uni&or!ed sta&& who led the! go to the ga!es roo! where they would &loat in 8ero gravity and play Soctre$%he co!!ander o& the station wal"ed over to the! and loo"ed very stern$>?ou are the last hope o& )arth to survive$No#ody thin"s li"e you$$$>%he Soctre sBuad all loo"ed at each other$Fred s!iled in an i!pressed way$Methane nodded$It was clearly so true$(owever a lady #ehind the co!!ander cleared her throat and gave the #ase co!!ander his card$>Sorry$ there's #een a !ista"e$%hat's the speech &or the ne:t arrivals$All right2> he said$>?ou've #een assigned to play Soctre against the Soctre droids$And it will #e televised across all o& planet )arth$>>Sounds easyA> s!iled Methane$(e loo"ed out in the 8ero gravity Soctre ga!ing area and could have sworn that one o& the Soctre droids gave hi! the &inger and laughed at hi!$%hey &loated out into the 8ero gravity Soctre area$Fred started to spin uncontrolla#ly and Methane threw up as he could not tell up &ro! down$A&ter the ga!e was over they sat in the changing area$>Seventy nilA> co!!ented Fred$>Could have #een worse$>%hen Miss Fonny#alls wal"ed #y the! and laughed loudly and uncontrolla#ly$Methane &rowned and wiped the pu"e which he had spiralled through in 8ero gravity o&& his uni&or!$(e !issed his relia#le cli!#ing ropes and gravity$>%his is !y !ost dangerous !ission so &ar2> snapped Methane$The Musi! "ideo Methane and Fred had #een chosen to help !a"e the Soctre World Cup !usic video$%hey wal"ed down a slope with si: other Soctre players into a dig where the &irst *#elis" goal post had #een &ound$1ights lit up the Soctre pitch$%he wal"ed and danced to the poppy !usic video sha"ing their astronaut hips$*n the &irst Soctre pitch there was a &lag at the #otto! with the Soctre !oon where there were do8ens o& other dancers in space suits$%hey "ic"ed a giant #all around and raised their hands in the air as the song played into their hel!ets$%4 i!ages were proected onto the o#elis"s &or the !usic video$%hen the !usic stopped and the First =irector stepped &orward$Behind hi! was the !usic director who only spo"e through the &irst director$>=o it againA> said the First =irector$>F*' %() 1*4) *F 7*=22> screa!ed Fred$>W)'4) =*N) I% )I7(%? %IM)S A1')A=?222(*W MAN? M*') %IM)S@@@>%he &irst director got his instructions$>Entil we get it rightA> said the &irst director$Fred &ell on his "nees and threatened to so#$>I$$$ I$$$ can't ta"e it any !oreA> said Fred$(e threatened to ta"e o&& his space hel!et$>%a"e a #rea"A> said the First =irector$Fred and Methane sat under the original o#elis" that had #een &ound and &ed on liBuid ha! sandwiches #uilt into their suits$%hey ru##ed their hel!ets o&& the *#elis" goal post which was used to show i!ages o& dancing people on )arth li"e a %4 screen and goals #eing scored #y &a!ous players$>=o you ever wonder i& we should have done so!ething else Methane@> Fred pic"ed up a stone andtapped it o&& Methane's hel!et$>?ou "now I thin" you're rightA> replied Methane who also pic"ed up a stone and tapped it o&& Fred's hel!et and they !ade up a si!ple dru! #eat$>May#e we should #eco!e hyper co!!ented Fred$>Ma"es per&ect senseA> said MethaneA thin"ing a#out it so!e !ore$>1et's do it A7AIN2> said the &irst director$>F*' %() 1*4) *F 7*=22> co!plained Fred$%hey stood up and started again$>Why couldn't we ust &a"e #eing on the !oon@>Moon Trouble %here was trou#le on !oon ca!p one$Methane and Fred sat down as the tea! captain 'ay stood up to co!plain a#out the situation again$>(e's "ic"ing o&& againA> whispered Fred$%hey started their stop watches$>%he !oon's sur&ace is roc" hard$It's li"e playing on a runway$%he 7ravity is pure shite$And the acco!!odation is a &ec"ing disgrace$I !ean who pic"ed this #leeding place@We're !illions o& !iles &ro! )arth$And we don't even have enough Space Suits@2>%he !anager sat &orward$>But 'ay we're not going to #e playing a !atch here$All we have are so!e &riendlies$>(e s!iled in a &atherly way$>=on't you #leeding start21oo" at thisA they gave Bill scu#a gear$(e's supposed to play Soctre in Scu#a gear on the !oon2Fesus &ec"ing Christ22>Bill loo"ed upA wearing his scu#a out&it$>AwA I don't !ind 'ay$I'! ust happy to #e here$>>IS %(A% A11 ?) F)CG)'S WAN%@@%* %E'N E6A (E(@>Mostly they ust nodded$%hen 'ay #egan to swear$>And loo" at this 7o#shite here@2> shouted 'ay$>I've never heard o& this guy Methane and when I as"ed hi! where he played #e&ore he told !e 'It was Fec"ing Classi&ied@2'I've never heard o& Classi&ied Enited$Sure you're all all a pac" o&$$$>'ay #egan to swear$>Ah now 'ayA c'!on let's have a cup o& tea and a pac"et o& crisps and cal! downA> said the coach$>CA1M =*WN2CA1M =*WN22>(e pointed at the coach$>?*E GN*W W()') ?*E CANF)CGIN' S%ICG ?*E' C'IS6 SAN=WIC()S2I'M *E%%A ()')222>'ay changed into his Space Suit and e:ited the air loc" and too" a run and a u!p and &loated #ac" to )arth$>)ight !inutesA &i&ty seven secondA> whispered Fred$>New 'ay recordA> s!iled Methane$>'eallyA> said Bill$>I don't !ind the Scu#a gear$Sure I'll #e &ineAI don't !ind the &rost #iteA> he said$>%hat's the spirit ladsA> said the coach$>%here's a party on tonight and you're all invited$%here's a &ree #ar and &ood paid &or #y =r$ Blowthu!#$>%he tea! all cheered$The #art$ >A&ter we eatA we &igure out what Blowthu!# is really up toA> said Fred$>AgreedA> said MethaneA eating avocado stu&&ed nachosA one in each hand$Fred stu&&ed &lavoured popcorn into his !outh which tasted o& #ee& and onions$>What do you thin" Blowthu!# is really doing@> Fred dran" one o& the speciality #eers$>I'! thin"ing he's digging a hole to the centre o& the !oon and storing all the world's gold there to a&&ect its price and #eco!e even richerA> !used Methane$(e ate so!e o& the oysters and put so!e %a#asco sauce on the!$>What a#out you@>Fred sprin"led additional !o88arella cheese on his nachosA >I'! thin"ing he's #uilding a Soctre ro#ot ar!y$>%hey #oth gra##ed a glass o& Cha!pagne each and dran" it down then then got so!e whis"ey chasers$>So how do you want to proceed@> as"ed Methane$Fred #elched and too" two Chori8o Cheese 6otato Wraps$(e ate the! thought&ully$>May#e we snea" away during the party when no%oo o#viousA> said Methane$(e crunched down so!e chocolate dri88led peanut #rittle$>But I do "now one thing$>>What's that@> as"ed FredA ni##ling on so!e Crispy %o!atoes 6rovenHal$>I get a really #ad &eeling in !y gut a#out Blowthu!#$>Fred #elched a little$>?eah !e tooA> he said thought&ullyA loo"ing &or so!ething else to eatA swallowing a alapeIo pepper whole$One %mall &ame Methane and Fred sat in the stands with their tea! &or the &irst ga!e o& the Soctre World Cup$A reproduction o& the Apollo 1unar Module descended into the !iddle o& the stadiu! and touched down$Slowly an astronaut cli!#ed out and down a set o& stairs carrying a Soctre #all$When he go to the sur&aceA his voice could #e heard everywhere$>%hat's one s!all ga!e &or !eA one giant "ic" &or all o& Soctre "ind2>(e "ic"ed the &oot#all high and everyone cheered$)veryone cheered even the guy in the scu#a suit$Methane leaned into Fred$>I have a planA> he said as the Soctre world !oon cup #egan$>A#out &lipping ti!eA> said Fred$Cra'$ &olf >7ol&@2> said Fred$>?ou want to have a ga!e o& gol& with Blowthu!# on the !oon@%hat's your #ig plan@2>Methane nodded$>And I own an island now$>>Where did you get an island@>>SMA'FASS got it &or !e$It's in the 6aci&ic ocean and it's radio active #ut we'll #e a#le to play Soctre there which is all that !atters #ut that's not allA> said Methane$>I have radio controlled gol& #alls which you will control with this controller$>(e gave Fred the radio controller$>Blowthu!# plays gol& on the !oon every a&ternoon$Now here is the plan$>Methane e:plained the plan$Fred &olded his ar!s and thought a#out it$>?ou're #on"ersA> replied Fred$(alls Methane and Fred !et Blowthu!# and Fonny#alls in the Footra"er 7ol& clu#$>?ou want a gol& !atch Blowthu!#@> as"ed Methane$>I a! a #usy !anA> replied Blowthu!#$>What are the sta"es@I a! also a very rich !anA> s!iled Blowthu!#$Methane showed Blowthu!# his deeds to his paci&ic island$>We'll play &or this islandA> said Methane$>I& I winA I get to oin Soctre with !y island and i& I lose you get the island and I'll go ho!e and have a #owl o& corn &la"es$>>=ealA> said Blowthu!#$>Who's this@> he as"ed pointing at Fred who would caddy &or Methane$>%his is !y !an servant FredA> said Methane$Fred !ade a &ace at Methane$>And this is Miss Fonny#allsA !y #ody guard$1et the ga!e #egin2>%hey played gol& on the !oon$Fred nudged Methane$>I've &orget !y glassesA> said Fred$*n the eleventh holeA they were all tied and Blowthu!#'s #all went out o& #ounds$For a s!all while they searched &or his lost #all$>I& you cannot &ind the #allA you'll have to &or&eit the ga!e Blowthu!#A> said Methane$(oweverA Fonny#alls stood #eside Blowthu!# and shoo" the leg o& her space suit$A s!all lever opened in the &oot o& her suit and a #all popped outA having &allen down her leg$Blowthu!# s!iled at Fonny#alls$>I've &ound it2> said Blowthu!# and the ga!e proceeded$*n the eighteenth and &inal hole to tie the ga!eA Methane was dripping sweat$(e glanced at Fred whose hand was in the 7ol& #ag$(e hit the #all towards the hole which was going to !iss #ut it started to weave le&t and right$Fred sBuinted his eyes as he placed his hand into the gol& #agA !oving a oystic"$%he #all stoppedA too" a le&t turnA !oved around a s!all !oon roc"A reversed and then went into thehole$>A tie22> said Blowthu!#$>?ou "now Mr$ MethaneA I li"e your ga!e$I've never seen a gol& #all change direction in the air li"e that or do a reverse li"e that on the green$?ou have Buite so!e talent$>>I've #een wor"ing on !y topspinA #ac" spin and gol&ing le&t turns$I had a good coachA> s!iled Methane$(e glanced at Fred$>7oodA so we !eet to!orrow in the Secret Soctre Moon Centre in Soctre Crater *ne where we will discuss the &uture o& Soctre World =o!ination$>Miss Fonny#alls gave Fred a dis!issive loo" and disappeared in the swirling !oon dust driving their !oon #uggy$(od$ &uards Fred sat in the #ar while Methane went to his super secret !eeting$Ene:pectedly Fonny#alls sat opposite hi!$>*h hiA Fonny#allsA> said Fred$>So you're a #ody guard as wellA> she said$Fred pausedA loo"ing at Fonny#all's !uscular ar!s with dragon tattoos$>?eahA sure I a!A> said Fred$(e leaned #ac" in his seat and nearly &ell over #ut straightened hi!sel& #ac" up$>?ou any good@> she as"ed$Fred "noc"ed #ac" his alcohol &ree #eer$>%he #estA> he said$>%ell !eA> she replied$She "noc"ed #ac" a dou#le teBuila$She was huge co!pared to Fred$>SorryA can't it's all classi&ied$>Fred !et her steely stare$>(ow a#out you@>>Mine is classi&ied as well #ut I a! a world athlete$>>?eahA I can og pretty &ast tooA> countered Fred$>?ou want a one on one !atch@> she as"ed$>SureA> said Fred$Fonny#alls s!iled supre!ely con&idently$>Gnives or guns@>Fred leaned &orward con&idently and dran" one o& Fonny#alls teBuila shots$>Nah too easyA how a#out a penalty shoot he replied$Finall$ The Fiendish #lan Revealed Methane arrived #ac" &ro! the !eeting$(e !et Fred and they &ound a roo! on %ea! Base --$>So what's Blowthu!#s &iendish plan@> as"ed Fred$>It's worse that I thoughtA> said Methane$(e placed a #ig #ag o& cash on the ta#le$>%hey're planning to ta"e over all the sports o& the world and give everyone #ags o& cash and &ree e:pensive watches2%hey also gave !e thisA> said Methane$Fred too" a loo" at the #oo"let which was &ree entry into all o& the the!e par"s o& the world$>My 7od they are so evil2> said Fred and poc"eted the &ree the!e par" entries and tried on a watch$ >So what are we going to do@2>%hen Fred appeared con&used$>But &irst I have a Buestion$=oes that include #oard ga!es@>>?)S F')= )4)'? 7AM) IN %() W*'1=2I have to in&or! SMA'FASS B)F*') I%'S %**1A%)$>(owever the lights in the roo! di!!ed and Blowthu!#'s &ace appeared on the over head !onitors$>Ah Agent Methane we &inally !eet> said Blowthu!#$>I "now we !et earlier #ut I did not have the proo& you wor"ed &or SMA'FASS and now I do so now I can say we &inally !eet$6repare to !eet your doo!$Soctre Security will dispose o& you$%hey are dressed in u!psuits with a special logo I designed !ysel& and !etal hel!et and will do !y evil #idding$>Fred opened the door to the roo! and saw Soctre Security gathering at the end o& the corridor$So!e o& Soctre Security were sitting on what loo"ed li"e tricycles with laser !ounted guns$Fred sla!!ed the door shut as they prepared to stor! their roo!$>We're surrounded2> shouted Fred$>I need to thin"2> replied Methane$(e put on his thin"ing &ace$But then an a:e #egan to #rea" down their door$Fred wanted to screa! #ut covered his !outh$A hole was "noc"ed in the door and then Fred's worst night!are was reali8ed$Fonny#alls loo"ed in through the hole in the door and s!iled in an evil way$>()')'S F*NN?BA11S2> she said in a really creepy way$Fred didn't "now whether to s!ile or screa! #ut "ept his hand over his !outh$>%his way22> shouted Methane reali8ing there was another door out o& the roo! leading down another corridor$>6ower run *N2> said Methane and he sprinted down the corridor$Fred tried his #est to &ollow Methane and then they were shortly &ollowed #y Soctre Security so!e o& who! were on their tricycles &iring #adly ai!ed laser #ea!s which !ostly #urned holes in the walls o& Base --$Blowthu!# played %he!e 6ar" !usic over the spea"ers and so!e o& Soctre Security sang along as they &ired their laser weapons$Fred and Methane ran past a %ea! -- player who was in a closed #ar all on his own$(e was tal"ing to hi!sel& and stealing so!e o& the 'u!$(e continued to tal" to hi!sel& as Soctre Secuity also ran and rolled #y hi!$By the ti!e he turned around they were all gone$FinallyA Fred and Methane escaped out onto the sur&ace o& the !oon shortly a&terwards chased #y Soctre Security$Fred "ept up with Methane who continued to power run while Fred drove along side hi! in a !oon #uggy$(is power run loo"ed strangely di&&erent in the low gravity on the !oon$The )*!iting )nding Fred and Methane sat in the centre o& a crater$%hey had u!ped &ro! the edge o& the crater to avoid #eing caught$Fred caught his #reath in the pressure controlled #uilding$>What do we do now@> he as"ed$>We can #last our way outA> said Methane &inding so!e laser guns in the storage roo! which had at!osphere$>%hen we head &or Australia$>>Why Australia@>>When we drop out o& or#it it'll #e easy to see where we need to splash downA> said Methane$>Splash down@> said Fred sounding nervous$>=on't they have shar"s there@>>Sure #ut ust "ic" the! in the &aceA> said Methane$>=o you thin" Blowthu!# "nows we're here@> as"ed Fred$>No I don't thin" soA> replied Methane$>So we go on the count o& three$>>So you are really sure they're not waiting &or us@>Methane nodded$;;;*n the top o& the craterA Blowthu!# stood with Fonny#alls loo"ing down on Methane and Fred's hiding place$>So they are hiding in the s!all #uilding at the center o& the crater@>>?esA> replied Fonny#alls$>All one hundred thousand Soctre Security are waiting &or the! to #last their way out and then we will &ire #ac"$>Blowthu!# laughed in an evil Soctre way$A #attalion o& Soctre tan"s !oved into place$)ventually Methane and Fred #lasted their way out and one hundred Soctre Security agents &ired #ac"$;;;Blowthu!# wal"ed over to the re!ains o& Methane and Fred$(e leaned down to e:a!ine the corpses$Fred's ru##er &ace dropped o&& to reveal a Soctre 'o#ot under the !as"$Methane also had a prosthetic !as" and was really a ro#ot$Fonny#all's &ace also peeled o&& and she was also really a ro#ot$In his space suitA )rnesto the &erret u!ped up and down angrily and so did Blowthu!#$%hen the one hundred thousand Soctre %roops also u!ped up and down angrily$%hey had #een &ooled again$Blowthu!# shoo" his &ist at the )arth and the escaping space ship$>7ive !e #ac" !y vouchers22> he screa!ed$;;;In the escaping Space Ship accelerating &ro! the !oonA Fonny#all piloted the ship heading &or Australia$Fred and Fonny#alls &loated in the 8ero gravity together sipping Cha!pagne$>Where's Methane@> as"ed Fonny#alls$>*h he's outside hanging onA I'll let hi! in laterA> said Fred$(e switched o&& his radio receiver and so!e !elodic !usic played indicating the !ission was over$;;%() )N=;;++Cra, (onus %tor$++ %unlight%unlight - . - The Message From The Invaders%his story is rated 'B' &or Bad0oice *+er1 People of )arth we will surround your world with a shield until there is no sunlight leftand then we will in+ade.*n )arth in =u#lin in the +J35s the people o& the city and )arth loo"ed up into the s"y which see!ed very close as a tin &oil shield #egan to surround planet )arth$)arth loo"ed li"e a painted #ouncy #all$%he power&ul shield had so!e s!all tin&oil tears #ut too s!all &or anything to escape$>%hey !ust co!e &ro! an advanced speciesA> said the two grave diggers in the 6u# %he 7ravediggers$>What will we do when the )arth is covered #y the shield@> as"ed a tourist$>*ur ar!y will &ight the!A> said a !an in a !ilitary uni&or! who was in the 6u#$%unlight - / - 0arkness is !omingIn the dar" roo!A a !an in a suit sat with another !an in a u!p suit$>Are the de&ences prepared &or the invasion@>>%he &ighter ets have #een prepared$>%he !an in the u!psuit put on a pair o& goggles$>I will lead the sBuadron o& &ighter ets$>*utside the roo! where it was really dar"A so!e #right sunlight could #e seen #ehind the curtains$ %unlight - 1 - Atta!k of the %,a!e %hi,s%he sBuadron o& &ighter ets which loo"ed li"e s!all toys attached to stic"s li&ted o&& to &ight the alien invaders$>I can't &ight the!2%here too !any22> shouted the !an with the goggles$Behind hi! a curtain !oved #ac" and &orward$(is ship hit a tin &oil EF* which wo##led and the &ighter plane went on &ire li"e it was #eing #urned #y a !atch$%unlight - 3 - Fear on the %treets*n 7ra&ton Street where there was a !i!e artistA the survivors stood together$Behind the! was a curtain where it loo"ed li"e people were going to wor"$>%his !ust #e one o& the aliensA> said a young !an who was #leeding to!ato "etchup$>%hey !ust not "now how to co!!unicate with usA> replied a girl who had !etal hel!et on and sunglasses$%he alien !i!e artist ignored the!$%unlight - 2 - Total 0arknessIn the graveyard the two !en loo"ed terri&ied as another !an cli!#ed out o& a hole in what loo"ed li"e a garden$Both grave diggers loo"ed terri&ied$*ne !an threw hi!sel& onto the ground$%he other !an clutched his throat and then curled up$%he !an who arose &ro! the grave wal"ed away slowly and then tripped over the #ranch o& a tree #ecause he has his eyes closed$%unlight - 3 - Chased%he girl with the !etal hel!et and the sunglasses screa!ed and ran into a roo!$%he !an &ro! the grave opened the door and stretched out his ar!s$%he girls screa!ed and ran around the !an &ro! the grave$%he !an &ro! the grave snee8ed and ru##ed his nose$%he phone in the house rang and so!e lady answered it downstairs$%he wal"ing corpse snee8ed again$%unlight - 4 - The$ Have RobotsWhat loo"ed li"e two s!all toy ro#ots #egan to wal" across the &loor o& a school corridor$

1ots o& teenagers screa!ed very dra!atically$*ne o& the! &ought o&& a s!ile as she tried to cry out$*ne o& the #oys leapt &orward with a #ow and arrow$(e &ired the #ow and arrow and #oth ro#ots &ell over li"e the ground under the! had #een !oved$All the teenagers shouted with oy$Behind the! so!eone told the! to get #ac" to their classes$%unlight - 5 - Terrif$ing CreaturesIn the car in the dar"nessA the re!aining survivors loo"ed #ac" at one o& the creatures &ro! the space ship$It loo"ed li"e a toy sBuirrel #eing dragged #ehind the car #y a piece o& string$>Faster2 Faster2> shouted one o& the survivors who loo"ed li"e one o& the !other's o& the teenagers$%hen une:pectedly a sBuirrel whose !outh was covered in #lood that was li"e to!ato "etchup dropped in &ront o& the!$%he !other screa!ed$A picture was then shown o& a toy car on &ire$%unlight - 6 - The )arth Is %aved%he !an in the uni&or! stood near an *#servatory$>Fire the !issiles2> he said$A !an dressed in a "ilt saluted and let o&& a roc"et$%he tin &oil shell around the )arth was torn apart$%he )arth #ounced around li"e it was on a piece o& string$0oice o+er1 An so it was that the )arth was sa+ed by people of incredible bra+ery with +ery little resources.