ONE MIDDLE AGED WOMAN'S 30-DAY JOURNEY
TO A MORE PEACEFUL LIFE THROUGH MEDITATION
By Sunny Rahill Goodreau, 2018
email me: [email protected]
INTRODUCTION
Why I decided to write this book:
A friend of mine recently had some unfortunate and trying events occur that completely
disrupted his life, leaving him feeling depressed and frustrated. Pulling knowledge from a
previous time in my life, when I was going through similarly difficult times and found comfort
in meditation and inner-reflection, I began texting him some suggestions and instruction.
From the first text I shared with him, I found my own life feeling more peaceful and relaxed,
and my patience renewed. I decided to document my journey of “rediscovery” by sharing
my notes to him, and my own meditations, with the intent of reaching larger audience and
hopefully help others who are struggling.
About the journey:
Though my journey was to document my daily meditations for one month, this book took
about 90 days to complete. The practices I put in this book are numbered by days, but that
does not mean that you have to do these practices only one day. (Nor do you need to do
them in order!) If you find one method that brings you exceptional peace, do it as many
days as you want. If it’s the only one you do every day for a decade, that’s okay! The point
is to expose you to some possibilities and then YOU decide what works for you!
About the distribution of this book:
This book is provided without cost and distribution is free. However, the work must be
distributed in its entirety. This is my way of "paying it forward" and my reward is the
hope that it will help others find some peace that they did not have before. If you enjoy this
book, please send a copy to a friend in need!! And let me know what you think by visiting
my website: www.MyMeditationJourney.com or via email:
About the photos:
All photos in this book were taken (or created using GIMP) by myself, or by friends with
their permission to be used in this book. No photos are to be re-used or re-produced
unless they are distributed within this book in its original design.
The first-ish thing I learned about meditation:
Deep breathing exercises initiate a parasympathetic response; when you are relaxed, your
breathing naturally becomes more even, calm, and a bit deeper. So when you mindfully
change your breathing to be more even, calm, and deeper, you “trick” your body into
“thinking” that you’re relaxed. It’s a quick way to make yourself feel peaceful. Meditation
goes further - it is training to actually become more calm, relaxed and peaceful. The more
you practice, the easier it becomes to achieve that relaxed, peaceful state! When you’re
practicing (meditation), it is important to be mentally present - in the here and now. Try not
to worry or think about the past or future, just BE... and know that just BEING is enough!
DAY 1
Motto for the day: “Even the greatest journeys begin with a single step.”
Walkway to the ocean, West Side, Santa Cruz
Staying positive: Start a daily journal of your pain and difficulties. Use this
written document not to revisit the pain, but as a way to get it out so that you can LET
IT GO. As you write the (brief!) details of your hurt, visualize that pain and suffering
flowing out of your body, down your arm, and through the pen as they gather in written
word on the pages.
Once the words are on the page, you don’t need to think about them again. They are
permanently documented and you no longer need to keep them in your mind - freeing
your emotional bandwidth for more positive endeavors!
More importantly, keep another journal where you document AT LEAST one thing you
are grateful or thankful for every single day! Re-read these “happiness pages” on a
regular basis and relive the positive feelings associated with each one as you revisit
them.
Today’s Meditation: Getting grounded
Start by going to a quiet, pleasant location if at all possible (I always prefer outdoors). If
you can, place your bare feet on the warm ground, or cool grass - whichever is more
comfortable for you. Don’t rush, just take some time to really feel the sensations on the
soles of your feet. Then remember that you, as a living child of Nature, are connected
to every other living thing. This is your time for you - remember that you have nothing
else to do at the moment except enjoy the feelings of connectedness.
Now imagine that your feet have roots and that you can feel them extending down
within the rocks / soil under your feet. Try to “grow” your roots down a bit deeper.
Imagine them extending down into the cool, moist soil and try to feel the sensations that
would cause.
Then take a calming, slow breath. Really feel your lungs expand as they fill with
nature’s unlimited gift of air. As you exhale, let go of any stress or apprehension.
Continue to “grow” your feet roots deeper into the ground while you enjoy more long,
slow breaths in and out.
Take as much time as you want. Don’t rush. If busy thoughts come into your head, set
them aside for now - don’t dwell on them. Just experience the connectedness you are
having with nature; enjoy the GIFT of BEING.
Big Basin State Park, Boulder Creek, CA
Yes, there is a difference between your “brain” and your “mind” - there will be more in
that later. For now, let’s just understand that your brain’s job is to remember things that
are dangerous or scary. Thank goodness we have our brains to worry about the
possibility that the guy in front of you on the freeway might swerve into your lane, so you
prepare for it and avoid a horrible accident when he does just that. Our brains are great
in that way! But much of what your brain “worries” about is just noise; very little of the
things we worry about actually come to fruition. (Sources say that only 8% to 15% of
the things we worry about actually happen - that means you are completely wasting
85% to 92% of the energy you use when you worry!) It is also of paramount importance
to realize that worry can’t change anything - it just wastes your energy!
So how do we make our wonderful brain be quiet?
Here’s the thing about your brain: it can only do one thing at a time, though it can jump
from one thought to another really quickly. So to force your brain to be quiet, you need
to make it do two things at once. That might sound counterintuitive because I just told
you that it can’t do two things at once, but trying to focus 100% on two things
simultaneously will force out all of the other disturbing chatter.
Use two of your senses to do this quieting exercise, such as feeling air from a fan
blowing on your skin and listening to the sound that it makes. That’s just a suggestion -
use whatever is convenient for you!
Now that you have two senses to focus on, do just that - try to use 100% of your
concentration on both of those things at the same time. If another thought comes into
your “mind”, set it aside for later. (If a thought absolutely will not leave, write it down
and quickly return to focusing on your two senses.) Eventually, your brain will become
quiet.
Just like anything else in life, it gets easier as you practice! (When I first began to
meditate, it used to take me as much as 30 minutes just to “clear my mind”. After A lot
of practice, I find that I can generally accomplish it in less than a minute, though I still
have days where it takes much longer!)
It may take many hours of practice to train your brain to “hush up”, but your reward is
well worth it!
DAY 3
Motto for the day: “Be as tall as the trees”
Staying positive: Think about someone you really love, such as a sibling,
parent, or life-long friend. I find it is better to avoid using a romantic-type loved person
and using someone to whom you are deeply connected without a physical relationship.
Really focus on the love you have for them. Feel that love completely wash over you
for a few moments.
Now realize that the love you are feeling is being created by you. YOU are the one
who is generating that love. YOU have the amazing ability to produce that kind of
immense positive emotion. Take a few more moments to appreciate that you have the
amazing ability to create massive amounts of love!
Avenue of the Giants, Weott, CA
DAY 4
Tree meditation
You MAY prefer to do this meditation standing. During all of these meditations, your
position should be comfortable and should not distract you from your practice. If it is
more comfortable for you to remain seated, do that!
Go to a pleasant place - it can be the same location you went previously, or it could be
someplace new. Put your bare feet on the warm ground, or cool grass. Take your time
and remind yourself again that you have nothing else to do at the moment except enjoy
the feelings of connectedness with nature and life.
Let go of any busy thoughts and focus on remembering yesterday’s feeling of “roots”
growing from your feet down into the cool, life-giving soil. Take slow, deep breaths in
and out. Don’t rush. If you can only get as far as the previous day, that’s okay! But
when you can get back to your previous depth of connectedness, then continue to the
next phase.
Slowly raise your arms, palms up, until they are about shoulder high. Remembering
that your feet have “roots” growing into the soil, imagine that your arms are the limbs of
the tree. Focus, for a moment, on the center of your chest - about where your heart is.
Now concentrate on the energy radiating from the center of your chest out, out, out,
through your arms and continuing to the very tips of your fingers. Feel how that energy,
brought into your body by your breath, circulates all through you and then travels out
through your outstretched arms, only to be rejuvenated by the next breath. Enjoy that
calming and never-ending energy cycle for several breaths.
When you are ready, slowly raise your arms higher, as if the limbs of your tree are
reaching up toward the sky above. Imagine the breeze gently blowing your arm-limbs
gently to and fro. Feel your tree (self) growing up, up, up toward the sky little by little.
Grow as big as you can, focusing on both the grounded “roots” below your feet and the
soaring “limbs” above your head. Continue to breathe calmly and deeply. Focus on the
cycle of energy as it enters your body from your breath, courses through your body,
travels up your outstretched arms, and finally exits from your fingertips. You are as tall
as a giant redwood tree, strong and firmly grounded, yet also supple and flexible
enough to move easily with the slightest breeze.
When your arms tire, let them fall to your sides. Enjoy the warmth of the blood
circulating back into your hands. Understand that circulation of energy is yet another
part of nature that continually and unconditionally nourishes your life.
DAY 5
Brain, Mind, and Beyond
Frequently, the terms “mind” and “brain” are
used synonymously, but it is obvious that they
do not mean the same thing. The brain is a
tangible organ, made up of nerve cells and
blood vessels; an organ that can be described
by its form and function. It can be seen and
touched.
The “mind”, however, is something different.
The mind lives outside of the limits of the
physical world. You cannot “see” a mind. A
mind is part of the transcendent world of
feeling, perception, thought, awareness,
emotion, judgment, attitude, imagination, and
belief. We can physically touch a person’s brain but not their mind. And though your
mind uses your brain’s functions, the mind is much more than just brain.
Another important part of your “self” is your consciousness. We know that we are
conscious beings, but where does this “consciousness” come from - and how does your
consciousness differ from the consciousness of other people or animals?
In the way that your mind is more than brain, your consciousness is even more than
your mind. From the second-to-second awareness of each step you take to your
deepest memories and most profound wisdom, your consciousness has an
incomprehensible number of levels that work seamlessly without any consideration that
they even exist.
It is generally agreed that we typically engage only a small portion of our potential
consciousness, leaving the lion’s share of our “mind power” unused. Meditation,
creative expression, and dream exploration are some activities that can help you tap
into some of that unused consciousness. Specifically, meditation allows you to access
your deeper consciousness in a direct and enlightened way. With practice, meditation
can increase your ability to “see things differently”, which can, among other things, help
you discover solutions in ways you could not even conceive before.
Though the definition of “mind” and “consciousness” will continue to be in contention, all
agree that an increased self-awareness and strengthened connections with your deeper
consciousness are positive steps you can take in your own life!
DAY 6
Motto for the day: “Wag on!”
Staying positive: Aspiring to be more like your dog is a good thing! It
means you want to experience life more fully; worrying less, and being more accepting.
Pepper, the best dog in the whole wide world
One of the things we love about dogs is their free spirit; they are generally happy and
worry free. They don’t understand the concept of past and present - therefore they can’t
regret (things that have already happened) nor feel anxious (about things that have yet
to come). They only live for the current moment - they are “present”!
Today’s Meditation: Dog meditation
I promise I will not ask you to get on all fours and bark! However, I want you to try to
imagine that you are more dog-like. If you have a dog, (or cat or other pet), hold them
or pet them during this exercise - it will be good for both of you!
Go again to someplace pleasant - I encourage you to find a place that a dog would like
(which is pretty easy!) A comfy couch, in front of a warm fire, a spot where the sunlight
comes through the window, a pillow on the floor… Remember to take your time - you
have nothing else to do at the moment except to connect with nature and life. Quiet
your brain and let go of any busy thoughts.
Remembering that dogs have no concept of future or past, try to be more dog-like; for a
moment, let go of every hurt or regret from the past. Do not think about anything that
has already transpired, nor anything that hasn’t happened yet - focus all of your
attention to your immediate being. As you breathe in deeply and slowly, soak in the
relaxation and security of this comfortable state of just being. Right now, all of your
needs are met. You have no unfulfilled desires or worries. Your only purpose at this
instant is just to exist - let go of any thoughts and just BE… happy.
If you have any thoughts you can’t quickly release, stand up and literally give yourself
an invigorating shake. Seriously, really shake like a wet dog while you visualize those
drops of negativity getting flung from your being, the way the water flies off a dog’s fur.
Continue to shake, until you have eliminated any traces of worry or anxiety that might
be clinging onto your spirit.
When you are fully relaxed and
filled with the warmth of
connectedness, (in total dog / cat
manner), give yourself a good, long
full-body stretch. And as you go
through the rest of your day,
remember to bark less and wag
more!
DAY 7
Okay - here’s one of my favorite sayings… “There are three things that will make
you good at anything… the first is practice. The second is practice. The third is, yep,
you guessed it, practice!”
Cozumel Sunset, photo taken over my shoulder without looking at the camera - it was meant to be!
Meditation isn’t like math or history. It’s not something that you can learn by reading
about it or memorizing facts. You have to practice meditation. ... It’s more like music.
There are people who learn to read music, are classically trained, and play traditional
instruments. People who master their art in this fashion are experts and are qualified to
train other people on their instrument. But some people (some of whom are very
famous and wealthy) pick up an instrument and just start plunking away, until they can
play along with just about any song. They learn chords, phrases, and their interaction
by happenstance not in the traditional sense. And when they have at last mastered
their instrument, they are also experts and are likewise qualified to teach others on their
instrument. The one thing that these two types of "masters" have in common is that
they spend a lot of time practicing.
To have really rewarding meditations, you need to figure out what works for you. Some
people will tell you that you can’t meditate in bed - but you might find that is the best
time for your practices. Some people insist that you have to sit on your zafu in the lotus
position to get the full experience - but many people have very meaningful meditations
never knowing what a zafu is. (It’s a type of cushion, by the way.) Some people might
say that beginners should only meditate for a few minutes at a time - but you might
really get into it and want to do fifteen - or sixty. Full stomach or empty - morning or
evening - quiet or music - breathe deeply or breathe normally - a specific “quiet place”
or anywhere you happen to be… Only you can pick what is best for YOU.
Additionally, none of us is exactly the "same person" every single day. Just like you
wouldn’t want to eat even your favorite food every single meal, you may need different
meditations to suit your mood and to fulfill your range of needs. I have tried to
assemble here practices that are varied - and tried to name them so that they are easy
to remember. But these are just some starting ideas - your springboard. With practice,
you will develop the skills to create your own meditations based on your ever-changing
needs!
Ultimately your decision to be like the classically trained virtuoso or to be more of a
play-by-ear genius isn’t what matters. What’s important is that you start practicing, and
that you keep practicing until you get really good at it. Practice whenever, wherever,
and in whatever manner makes you want to come back for more - because there are
three things that will make you really good at meditating… The first is practice...
DAY 8
Motto for the day: You deserve to be loved!
Staying Positive: Get out of your COMFORT zone.
For some people, like me, one of the biggest challenges is learning to accept positive
feedback. Being raised in a family with very high expectations, failing to live up to
someone’s standards was the norm. This led me to feel that I was undeserving; that I
couldn't be accepted and loved... which led to some (bad) relationships that reinforced
that feeling. It's not that I didn’t want to feel accepted and loved, but because feeling
that I was not good enough felt “normal; it was comfortable.
Getting out of your comfort zone can feel - well - uncomfortable. But with conscious
attitude adjustments, feeling more positive about yourself can become the NEW
NORMAL!
DAY 9
Today’s Meditation: Learning to love yourself (Jeanine’s meditation)
A couple of days ago, we started our practice by focusing on the love that we felt for
someone else. Think of that again, remembering that the love is actually being created
by you. As before, really focus on the love you have for that person. Take your time
and let that love completely wash over you for a few moments.
Breathe in and out slowly and calmly. As you breathe in, let the love you have for that
person build up within you. Hold it in for a moment. Now as you exhale, feel the loving
energy leave your body, directed toward that person. Do this several more times. Do
not rush, take as much time as you want.
Now breathe in again, filling up with love as your lungs fill with the energy of life. Hold
all that love inside you for a moment. As you exhale this time, do not send that love
away. Instead, turn it inward; direct all of that love at YOURSELF.
This part can be very difficult for some people - it certainly was for me! But remember
that making a conscious change to an improved “normal” can be very uncomfortable at
first! Think of it like beginning a new workout. You are going to be sore in places that
you may have never even known existed before - but it is a part of the process for self
improvement. If you give up now, if you never change, you can’t grow to accept and
love yourself in a healthy, normal way.
So, again, breathe in deeply, letting all of your love fill up inside of you. Now turn all of
that loving energy back into yourself. Feel the love fill you up, from the soles of your
feet to the top of your head. This is the love
you desire; this is the love you deserve.
If you are one of the people who feel
undeserving of love, if you have a difficult
time accepting yourself the way you are, if
you feel a “void” within yourself, I encourage
you to practice this meditation every day!
Learning to love yourself can be one of the
most difficult things you do in life, but it can
also be one of the most rewarding!
DAY 10
Meditation: good for the soul - - - and more!
Why should you meditate? For the sake of brevity, I have put together a quick list of the reasons you should consider meditation. I did not include a lot of backup - if you want to find out more about any of these topics, you can simply GOOGLE them...
It’s good for your brain:
It increases your brain’s neuroplasticity It increases grey matter It improves concentration, learning, memory, and attention It improves brain waves and heart rate It improves conscious perception
It’s good for your health:
It lowers blood pressure and benefits your cardiovascular health It reduces stress-induced inflammation It encourages a more healthy lifestyle It slows aging (by lengthening telomeres, which protect the end of your
chromosomes from deterioration) It provides pain relief It improves your immune system It helps with PMS symptoms and hot flashes
It’s good for your emotional state:
It increases happiness (by making physical changes to your brain) It enhances self-awareness It can help overcome addiction (by changing your thought habits) It reduces anxiety, depression, and fatigue It can make you happier at work (by reducing job-related stress) It promotes emotional health
It’s good for you in general:
It’s soothing It is easy to learn (but you need to practice) It improves sleep / reduces insomnia It can generate kindness (toward yourself and others)
DAY 11
Motto for the day: “Don't carry someone else's baggage”
Staying positive: Figuring out WHY we are in a bad mood is sometimes the
biggest challenge! This morning I “woke up on the wrong side of the bed”. My brain
was agitated - it wanted to be angry. Eventually I realized that the sour mood was
prompted by a dream I had the night before which involved my ex husband - and
apparently was frustrating enough to carry into my real life this morning. Lugging
around negative feelings is heavy baggage, and it’s exhausting!
Realizing at last why I was irritated allowed me to consciously choose to let go of the
anger I was feeling (because my ex does not deserve one more moment of my time nor
one iota more of my energy!)
Oregon coast, near Gold Beach
If you are carrying around ill feelings toward another person, you are spending a
considerable amount of emotional energy on them. Instead, try to feel nothing for
them. Do not let them continue sucking the life out of you! Instead, give them no
thought; no hatred, no anger, no contempt… give them NOTHING. If the thought of a
“creepy” comes into your head, just send it away without further reflection - focus
instead on people that make you feel loved… or spend the energy focusing on your
meditations!
DAY 12
Today’s Meditation: Music Meditation
Side note: A friend of mine meditates to music - in the “spaces between the tracks”.
He visualizes the varied instruments, like color-coded rivers, that flow in their own
streams yet sometimes cross into those nearby (combining into new colors), or
pooling together before carrying on again. He seeks the infinitesimal silent spaces in
between the rivers, and that’s where he finds his solace.
For this meditation, go someplace comfy and turn on whatever music you are in the
mood to hear. It doesn't matter if it’s the mellow sounds of Sade, or the raucous heavy
metal of Five Finger Death Punch; listen to whatever saturates your senses. The point
is that you find whatever fits your needs at this exact moment - sometimes that means
listening so loud that it drowns out all of the other "noise" in your life.
Breathe evenly and calmly. Close your eyes and visualize the movement you hear in
the music. If you can pinpoint the individual rivers, like my friend, that’s great - but if you
don’t, that’s okay too! If the movement appears in your head as dancing hippos in pink
tutus, that’s perfectly fine! There is no right or wrong thing. The goal is to allow your
mind to “see” what your ears are hearing. Let the sounds completely drench your
senses - try to get “lost” in the sight, sound, and emotions of the music. Feel the energy
of the music travel from your ears through your brain and projected onto your mind's
eye. Feel the warmth of the energy you are creating fill your body as the images swirl
(or pulse or dance or flash) across your mind.
And if you are carrying around anyone else’s baggage, drop it into the musical rivers
and let the sounds carry it away - then allow your mind to soar away with the
weightlessness of your freed spirit.
DAY 13
Motto for the day: Diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks
The meditations I write are generally aimed at reducing stress, encouraging happy
thoughts, generating loving emotions, and promoting kindness and consideration for
other living beings. But that is not the point of all meditations. I encourage you to learn
more about meditation and explore different methods and practices to find what works
for you. In general, meditation practices fall into one of four categories:
Concentration Technique
Concentration meditation involves concentrated
focus on a single point, such as a sound, the breath,
some counting mechanism, or a mantra.
(Transcendental Meditation is a type of
concentration meditation.) The goal of this type of
practice is to increase concentration and your
capacity to remain calm and grounded. A state of
bliss may be reached in some advanced practices.
In this type of practice, each time you find your
“mind” wandering, you simply re-focus on the
chosen object.
Lotus flower in the duck pond, San Lorenzo Park, Santa Cruz, CA
Open Awareness Technique
The objective of these exercises it to become more
present, without a specific focus, whatever situation
arises. During these practices, you are encouraged to
be attentive to your own thoughts and feelings, as well as
those of others, and to consider the condition that
connects them. Open awareness practices are
frequently associated with visualizations of the sky, sea,
or river - where you allow all thoughts to come and go
(like clouds in the sky), but do not focus on any specific
one as they are carried away by the streams of
awareness.
Mindfulness Technique
Mindfulness meditations combine techniques from both of the other styles. You remain
attentive to a chosen point of focus, but also acknowledge sensory input, perceptions,
emotion and thought - without being pulled away by those senses and thoughts. This
type of practice helps to develop inner balance as you are aware of the full spectrum of
thoughts without attaching a label to them of being good, bad, pleasant or unpleasant.
It is a truly accepting form of meditation. This type of meditation can easily integrate
into your daily life as you are encouraged to experience other thoughts, ideas, and
sensations while practicing (such as eating, walking, driving, or other daily activities).
Santa Cruz Mountains, Santa Cruz, CA
DAY 14
Motto for the day: “It really is better to give”
Staying positive: The summer when I was ten, I remember laying on the grass
next to my best friend, looking up at the sky for a long time and imagining all sorts of
creatures in the clouds. I had no cares or worries from sunup ‘til sundown.
That was the age when I started really looking at nature and started to understand how
living creatures all have an impact on one another. I remember running barefoot,
because the feeling of the dirt below my feet was more comfortable than shoes (though
some people didn’t understand it) - and it felt great to assert my opinion on it and to
know that I didn't necessarily need their approval! It was also a time to enjoy the
freedoms of some added independence without the weight of added responsibility that
came later.
It was also at that age that I started realizing the importance of being kind - and how
easy it was! I remember learning that a hug or a kind word could really make someone
have a better day! It was the time when I learned that being kind felt more rewarding
than being selfish; when I finally understood that it really is better to give than to receive!
Odell Lake, Klamath County, Oregon (this is the top half of the picture)
Today’s Meditation: The Summer When You Were ... Ten?
Try to remember a time in your life that was emotionally great. I know that can be hard,
but try to find at least one day when you felt that growing independence, but not yet
burdened by the weight of responsibility. If the weather is nice, go outside and take a
moment to just look up at the sky and re-live those wonderful, magical happy moments
when the world was all “for your taking”. (If the weather isn’t cooperating, close your
eyes and remember what the sky was like at that time.)
Odell Lake, Klamath County, Oregon (this is the bottom half of the picture)
As you breathe in and out slowly and calmly, remember that the world you live in today,
though it may seem decidedly changed, is the same, small world. It is still there for your
taking... Let the simple thoughts of a happy ten year old’s world fill your mind. Try to
remember the enthusiasm of seeing a dragon emerging from the ever-changing clouds.
Remember what it felt like holding hands with your best friend (or your mom). Re-
experience whatever positive thoughts you have from a simpler time of your life - and let
all of the rest of the world melt away… like the dragon-clouds as they are dispersed by
the breeze.
When you “come back to reality”, make an effort to be kind to at least one person - or if
you happen to run into a friend, give them a sincere hug. Remember, hugs are like
smiles - when you give one away, you almost always get one in return. :-)
DAY 15
The Jeet Kune Do philosophy
I grew up in a family that was devoutly Christian - and in a house that was directly
across the street from a not-necessarily-wholesome drive-in theater. As such, I was
exposed to some incredibly diverse paradigms from a very young age.
One thing that arose from this unusual viewpoint was an admiration for the martial-artist
and actor, Bruce Lee. It may seem strange that a nine-year-old, Christian-raised,
aspiring gymnast was fascinated by martial arts and fighting, but in retrospect I think
exposure to that type of diversity is what brought balance to my otherwise asymmetrical
young life.
Tu Vien Kim Son Monastery, Watsonville, CA
Many years later, I learned that one of Bruce’s biggest challenges (and biggest
accomplishments) was in the creation of a completely different form of Martial Arts; one
he called Jeet Kune Do. Now, the Martial Arts have been practiced, revered, and
refined for thousands of years, so there was understandable resistance to someone (a
globally recognized someone) challenging those traditions. But Bruce understood that
real combat was spontaneous and could not be predicted. He believed that a good
Martial Artist should be able to move without the limitation of the traditional forms.
Unlike the classical forms of Martial Arts which are rigidly practiced, where stances and
strikes are patterned and restricted, Jeet Kune Do is a free-flowing, adaptable fighting
style where all possible forms of strikes are allowed and there is no restrictive pattern.
Jeet Kune Do encourage the practitioner to achieve maximum effect with minimal
movement by spontaneously selecting the best reaction, and to cast off what is useless.
Lee was quoted as saying that “the easy way is the right way”. (This is not to say that
Bruce was lazy or complacent - he was highly competitive, driven to perfection, and
practiced relentlessly.)
The point of the Bruce Lee inspired story above? I encourage you to apply the Jeet
Kune Do philosophy to your meditations. Use what works for you. Don’t be afraid to
break tradition. If it feels like something is working, keep doing that! Stay fluid; look
around for other styles and methods, but don’t be afraid to piece together your own
system. And, perhaps most importantly, as you look for your best solution, cast off what
doesn't work for your practice.
Along the Hudson River, New York
Day 16
Motto for the day: “All you need is love…”
Staying positive: Giving love
Continuing with the subject of love, it is important to know that an integral part of
accepting love is remembering to also give love! You can do this simply by picking your
head up, looking around, acknowledging other people, and smiling at them. (I’m not
talking about husband-wife romantic type of love, this is practicing respectful,
appreciative love for other people.) If you see someone who looks fabulous, don’t be
resentful - tell them they look fabulous! Your kindness and positivity are a gift to that
person, present them without expectation - do not expect anything back from them. If
you get a positive reaction, that’s wonderful, but the point is to be nice because it is the
right thing to do, not because there is a reward.
Once that benevolent lifestyle becomes habit, that kindheartedness will begin to
resonate within you; it will become like an endless feedback loop. (If you practice this
daily, you will find
that doing it becomes
completely natural
and effortless.)
The purpose of this
exercise is to share
the positive feelings
of love that you feel
towards other beings,
but it is also a means
to echo that positive
emotion back to
yourself. Be kind to
others, but don’t
forget to appreciate
that you are the one
initiating that thought
and that positivity!
Glass Beach, Fort Bragg, CA
DAY 17
Today’s (very short) Meditation: Balloon Head
This is a standing meditation that takes just moment and can be performed almost
anywhere.
Stand up tall with your hands at
your sides (or do this while walking).
While breathing calmly and deeply,
focus on the state of your spine.
Now imagine that your head is
lighter than air (like a helium
balloon) pulling you toward the
ceiling. Really feel yourself
straighten and grow taller as your
head pulls you up, lengthening and
decompressing all of the vertebrae
in your spine.
Let your head float higher and
higher - see how far up you can
stretch your string-neck, getting
taller and taller…
Me, Gimp'd with a balloon head
DAY 18
Mom was right, you should stand up straight!
Standing up tall (as encouraged by "balloon head") has many benefits; some you may
notice immediately...
Good posture (standing up straight):
can make you appear more confident (and slimmer!)
is as important as eating right, exercise, and getting enough rest.
reduces joint fatigue (caused by slouching).
can positively alter your brain chemistry, reducing feelings of depression and
increasing your energy.
helps keep your mind alert - by "opening up" your chest and optimizing your
breathing.
leads to better digestion (as opposed to slouching which can lead to heartburn).
can reduce frequency of poor posture headaches. (Being hunched over while
sitting at a computer or traveling causes increased pressure in your neck and
spine which can lead to headaches, aching backs, and joint pain.)
In summary, good posture can reduce stress, lift your mood, and lead
to a healthier lifestyle!
Cement ship sunrise, Capitola, CA
DAY 19
Motto for the day : "It’s all about perspective"
Staying positive: You can’t always control what happens, but you CAN
control your reaction.
I woke up late this morning. Normally I would stress about it the entire time I showered,
dressed, and even during the whole commute. But this morning, I made myself
remember that the journey I am on is the bigger picture and I took a moment to do a
tree meditation.
Arriving at work, there was no parking. Of course there wasn’t I’M LATE! So I parked
very far away and began the minutes-long walk to my building. My brain wanted to be
angry, or worried, or upset, or <insert whatever bad thoughts usually come into YOUR
brain here>...! But I forced myself to appreciate that it was a pleasant day for a walk
and started looking around for something to make me smile. It wasn’t long before I was
conscious of the yards, beautiful flowers, and architecture of the houses I was passing.
The light at the crosswalk turned green quickly and I reminded myself to appreciate that
as well. I took a moment to compliment a woman in the elevator - who gave me a
sincere smile.
I was still late, but it wasn’t the
end of the world! I got in a walk,
made someone smile, and as it
turns out, my boss was out and I
didn't get in trouble.
The point is this: Had I allowed
my brain to worry, THE END
RESULT WOULD HAVE BEEN
THE SAME, and I would have
spent the morning stressed out
instead of being calm and relaxed.
West Cliff Drive, Santa Cruz
DAY 20
Today’s Meditation: Perfect Place Meditation
I am in a secluded cabin in Tahoe, enjoying the hot tub that is overlooking a
breathtaking, snow covered mountainous expanse below, sipping a glass of my favorite
wine as a small snow flurry passes overhead. The combination of the crisp air, hot
water, warming wine, and exhilaratingly cold snowflakes landing on my skin are all
that’s needed to keep my mind quiet without thoughts of the everyday bustle. I have
nothing else to do but soak up the experience and relax the day away.
Okay, I’m really at my desk this Wednesday afternoon, taking a mental 5-minute break,
but the scene I described is where my MIND is - if just for a few moments.
Earlier today, a coworker engaged me in a conversation about the importance of taking
vacations. But vacations don’t have to be just about going to someplace exotic for a
week. You can take a MENTAL vacation at any time - and you don’t need a ticket or
airplane! Don’t get me wrong, week-long vacations are important, but if you are feeling
stressed out, don’t wait! Picture a fabulous place you’d like to be and then go there
mentally! Just pick a relaxing activity and a beautiful place... then close your eyes, take
a deep breath, and go there. Fill the experience with lots of senses! (If you have a
difficult time starting, use the template and my suggestions below - just fill in the blanks
to create your own perfect moment to enjoy.)
The smell of the ________ (pine trees, ocean, Thai restaurant down the road, amazing rose garden, air just before it rains, brand new leather seats...)
The way the ________ feels on your ________ (sand / toes, breeze / face, campfire / shoulders, rain / face...) The sound of the ________
(waves crashing on the shore, birds chirping happily in the trees, violins rolling across the hills, breeze rustling through the palm trees...)
The beautiful scenery of ________ (those amazing redwood trees, the acres of grape vines with their colorful autumn leaves, the crystal blue Caribbean sea...)
You can go to the beach today, the mountains tomorrow, the farm back home, a park,
art gallery, jungle, snow-covered, tree-lined, sandy, sweet, decadent, mellow, cool,
warm - make it whatever YOU want. Take five minutes to go there right now. For just
a few minutes, forget what is making you stressed. Just close your eyes, quiet your
brain, breathe deep, and enjoy five minutes in YOUR PERFECT PLACE.
DAY 21
If Happy Equals Smile, then Smile Equals Happy
Like the positive parasympathetic response of perceived relaxation you feel when you
intentionally slow and deepen your breathing, there is a similar response that happens
when you smile; you “trick” yourself into being happy. It might sound like a cheap
gimmick, but it really works. To take full advantage of this strategy, just go through your
day with a smile on your face - smile at everyone, everything, or even nothing at all!
When you're having a difficult time forcing a happy smile, look for things you find
beautiful or things that make you smile.
Sometimes the beauty you can find is huge and right in front of you, (like a giant
redwood tree or a beautiful azure sky), but sometimes you have to really look for
beauty. It is during those times that you can find amazing things in the most unusual
places - and that can make them even more spectacular! Take some time today to look
for awesome things in places you don't expect them. You might find a lovely, flowering
weed growing out of a crack in the sidewalk. Just because it's labeled a "weed", that
doesn't make it less fabulous!
Maybe you will notice the sound of birds in the trees that you hadn't heard before (not
because they weren’t there but because you weren’t paying attention). Sometimes
beauty can be found in the wide-eyed amazement of an innocent child, or in the crinkly
eyed smile of someone who is older and wiser.
If you can’t find anything
externally that evokes that
happy response, think of things
that make you feel joy, comfort,
love, acceptance… happiness.
Use these tools like you would
any other; with a direct intent to
reduce stress and increase your
own positive energy.
Literally go out there
and "smell the roses"!
Roses blooming in the parking lot where I work
DAY 22
Motto for the day : Big as the seas
Staying positive: Look for opportunities to test your skills
I have what I call "people claustrophobia". Unlike someone who suffers from traditional
claustrophobia, tight areas don't bother me; I only find it unnerving when people are in
my personal space. I try to avoid situations that might trigger my discomfort - I would
never try to get up front at a concert! ... I prefer balcony seats.
But sometimes life presents unexpected events ... like this morning when I walked over
to the nearby coffee shop on my break. That location is super busy all the time, so I
pre-order so that my drink is ready with I get there (and I don't have to worry that people
might "invade" my personal space.) Today, the coffee shop was exceptionally busy and
my order was not ready. I was okay standing amid the crowd of people for about the
first minute and a half, but then I got uncomfortable and started to step outside.
Because of the journey I have been on, I am experiencing an increased awareness of
those types of unreasonable thoughts, and am working to avoid the control they can
have over my life; to keep them from hijacking my sense of reason. Knowing that I
cannot modify my thoughts until I have developed the ability to identify and recognize
those thoughts is one of the reasons I started meditating in the first place years ago! So
instead of stepping outside, I decided to try a relaxation technique.
I managed to remain inside comfortably until my drink was ready many minutes later,
and found that I was proud of myself for a few reasons: the first being that I recognized
the apprehension before it took control of me; the second was for facing my
nervousness and staying where I was without additional apprehension; and lastly for
remembering to do one of the meditations (and keeping a smile on my face!)
DAY 23
Today’s Meditation: Big as the seas (or being bigger than you are)
This was written as a standing meditation, but it can be done sitting.
Stand with your arms at your sides. Straighten your posture, shoulders back and down,
and make sure your head is up (don't look down at the floor). Breathe calmly and
slowly. Don't hold onto thoughts that might come into your brain (especially if they are
worried or anxious in nature), just let any thoughts go. Focus on the feeling of life's
vitality as it flows through you. Concentrate on feeling how the energy fills your entire
body, from the top of your head to the soles of your feet and from the very center of
your core to the outer surface of your skin. Let the feeling of that energy really fill up
inside you, like a balloon being filled up with air. Now imagine that energy growing to a
size that's one inch bigger than you, all the way around. Feel the energy as it extends
beyond your physical body.
As you breathe in, let the energy build up inside you. As you exhale, extend your
"energy bubble" a little bit further. See if you can extend the energy six inches past the
confines of your physical being. When you can achieve that, extend it to a foot. Don't
worry if there's another person within your "energy space" - they likely won't even
notice! Continue to "embiggen" yourself with each breath (fill up on your inhale and
extend yourself on your exhale). Attempt to fill up the entire space you are in (your
cubicle, your car, your living room, the baseball diamond, the airport terminal; wherever
you are).
When you get really good at this one, try to be as big as the sea!
Monterey Bay from West Cliff Drive in Santa Cruz, CA
DAY 24
Motto for the day: Meditation - it's like riding a bike...
In our busy lives, making time for meditation every single day can be hard! But you are
most likely doing some meditation without even realizing it. When you relax with a cup
of tea, paint a picture, stop and take a deep breath when you are upset, or just go
outside and "unwind", you have had a meditative experience. By applying just a little
more focus and intention, your meditations can provide even better results.
Life is full of stress and that causes mental agitation. When you successfully meditate,
your mind should be peaceful and without turmoil. If your practice gives you feelings of
warmth, heaviness, and calm, then it's working!
Even if you do a formal meditation practice every single day, you will probably never get
to a point where you can focus for an extended time without becoming distracted to
some extent. The goal of these meditations is not to achieve perfection. Instead, try to
use each session to make small improvements. Practice with the intent to more quickly
recognize when you become distracted and then re-focus promptly without chastising
yourself.
Remember, meditation is a lot like riding a
bicycle - you never forget how to do it. But if
you stop, you might forget how great it can
feel. The good thing is that it's never too late
to start practicing again!
DAY 25
Motto for the day: A little garden is better than no garden at all
Hopefully you are finding these meditations easy to incorporate into your everyday life.
These practices don't require specialized equipment or a huge investment in time. Just
a few minutes of practice a day is a step in the right direction!
Here are a few tips for incorporating short meditations into your busy schedule:
While driving - do a mindful meditation. The first priority is to stay focused on
your driving (of course). Do not "hang onto" any thoughts that come into your
head. No dwelling on thoughts of the past or future, just let those go. Believe it
or not, this can actually lead you to be a better driver as well, because you
aren't focusing on anything but driving!
When work causes you stress (and you don't have time for a walk or long break)
- do a short, focused meditation. Concentrate on your breath and standing - or
sitting - very tall. When you inhale, feel the energy of life rejuvenate your body.
On exhale, force out the stress. Repeat several times, until your stress level has
returned to normal, then continue with the task at hand.
General too-much-to-do stress - do on open awareness meditation. Go for a
short walk. Instead of thinking about the things you need to do, focus on just
being. (After all, we are called human beings, not human doings!) For a few
minutes, focus on your breath, your body's sensations, and the things around
you, not your to-do list.
Take a tea break. Focus your attention on the steps involved in making the tea,
the sound of the water filling the kettle, the way the warm cup feels between your
hands, the aroma and flavor... (Though tea is better for your health, you can do
this with coffee as well.)
When you sweep your floors, do it with intentional focus on the task. Pay
attention to the sound the broom bristles make against the floor. Notice how the
air currents from the broom affect the dust. Remember to be conscious of your
breathing and posture.
While showering, pay particular attention to the sensations of the water against
your skin, and how the warmth changes your muscles making them relax. Let
the water washing over you also wash away any stresses you may be carrying
around with you!
My husband's finger with a bunch of really tiny flowers
This photo has not been manipulated except to crop!
Remember, not everyone can have acres and acres of land in which to grow their own
crops, but having just a few plants can still provide you with the nurturing and calming
sensations that gardening brings. Neither can everyone have several hours a day
dedicated to meditative practice. However, you can still reap the benefits of meditation
by incorporating calm, peace, and mindful awareness into your daily routine.
So in the same way that a little garden is better than no garden at all, even a little bit of
meditation is better than no meditation!
DAY 26
The Cal bush
Like most people, I've had some great bosses, a few that were less than great, and at
least one that was downright awful... But even the worst of those couldn't compare to
Cal. I won't go into details, but will summarize by saying that his attitude made me so
frustrated that I would sometimes come home in tears.
At that time, I lived in a house
that had a lovely little tree
growing just to the left of the
front door. Upon arriving home,
I would literally go through the
actions of removing layers of
stress (as if they were layers of
clothing), and I would place
them on that poor little tree. I
called it the "Cal bush".
Most of the time, that would
suffice, but on particularly bad
days, I would stay outside and
call to my roommate to bring
me a beer - which I would drink
on the porch, trying to get rid of
the "Cal of the day".
There are two important points to this story:
The first is to emphasize that your house is your sanctuary and that you should make
every attempt possible to keep negativity and stress out of your home and away from
your family.
The second is to say: if your job has so much stress that it leads you to drink, you
should probably get a different one. There are more important things in life than money
- and one of the most precious is peace of mind!
DAY 27
Staying positive: "Don't let other people's BS rub off on you."
Today's meditation: Clean it off before it sinks in!
This isn't really a meditation, but more of a way to quickly get rid of negativity someone
spews in your direction. I have shared this with several people, when the occasion was
appropriate, and it has really worked for them!
Sometimes people will verbally unload on you regarding a negative situation that
doesn't directly involve you. If they are seeking advice, looking for a solution, or just
need a sounding board, that's okay. But sometimes they just want to get you entangled
in their bad situation - for whatever reason. Unless the problem really does directly
involve you, try to remember that you have absolutely no obligation to deal with their
negativity or their problem. Wherever you "feel" the weight of their words, quickly wipe
it off, as if it was dirt. I mean that literally. Take your hands and physically brush it off of
your clothes, shake it out of your hair, wipe it off of your skin - whatever tangible action it
takes to remove it; just get it off of you as quickly as you can! (I do NOT recommend
flinging it back into their general direction as that will usually just result in more
negativity.)
This also works if someone gets angry with you or says hurtful things. Wipe those
things off - or gather them up, wad them into a ball, and throw them out the window or
into the trash!
Of course we all know that
words and emotions aren't
physical things. In these
situations, however, treating
them as if they are tangible will
help to quickly and permanently
make a mental resolution,
freeing you from feelings of
responsibility to their situation.
By reacting in a physical way, it
helps drive the point home to
your brain!
Day 28
Looking Inward / Learning to Know Ourselves
In general, we have only been taught to examine things outwardly and have not been
trained to look within ourselves. As such, we tend to remain strangers to ourselves, not
fully aware of either how or why we think the way we do.
The unconscious mind is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that
exist outside of our conscious awareness. Many of our actions or thoughts happen
"automatically", stemming from our unconscious, which is the part of the psyche lying
far below consciousness. In Freudian psychology, the unconscious is not easily raised
into consciousness, even though it deeply affects conscious thought.
Meditation, and examining what is within ourselves, is one method by which we can
better use our complete mind; where we learn to understand our unconscious
processes by examining them consciously. Meditation also allows us a practical means
of calming ourselves and reducing distraction and the relentless agitation that our brains
can cause.
Any type of meditation will bring you beneficial results, even though you may not
recognize them immediately. Some of the earliest signs of progress you might see may
include physical relaxation and emotional calmness. By continuing to practice, you will
see continued and more subtle results, including freedom from worry and the joy of
being present. As you meditate, it is important to realize that the seeds you sew today
may not provide you fruit right away - but with time, you will reap the benefits. It always
takes time and patience to improve; so be gentle and understanding with yourself as
you practice!
It is important to acknowledge that life accepts and supports you exactly as you are and
without demands or conditions. When you take in those meditative deep breaths, really
feel how the air is full of energy and nourishment. Take a moment to understand that
each life-giving breath is a gift, given without restriction, for you to enjoy or ignore as
you desire. You don't have to go looking for unconditional love - it is all around you, just
waiting for you to accept it. Especially during times of pain or hurt (either physical or
mental), you can find solace knowing that peace and acceptance isn’t something you
need to pursue, it already exists - you just have to open your heart and mind and allow it
into your soul.
Day 29
Motto for the day: Be as light as the breeze
Today, I am going to focus on being as light as possible. Meditation helps me be free
from the worry of a nagging brain, but there are many other things one can do to be
more carefree, joyful and untroubled. Most of these techniques are very simple, but like
anything else, making it a habit takes practice.
#1 - Slow down to have more time
Our culture is to desire the "fullest life" we can imagine. Our society tends to push us to
cram in every activity imaginable in order to give us that "full life". However, that's really
not the point. Being so busy that we don't have time to actually enjoy activities is the
opposite of a "full life" - being that busy just leaves us stressed out, feeling
unaccomplished, and being very EMPTY. Exactly the opposite of our goal.
We all have more things available to us than we can ever accomplish in our lifetime. I
can't tell you how many times I hear people say "I don't have the time..." Being that
busy, trying to cram in everything possible into your "full" life is pointless if it is at the
cost of your happiness.
Simultaneously, I hear people saying "slow down" and "take more time". What a conflict
that is! But what they're really meaning is to slow your brain down to give your mind
more time.
I came to a realization about this as I was making my tea this morning. That task took
the same amount of time that it took one month ago (before I started re-focusing on
meditation), but today it felt better; I was calmer and it felt remarkably more relaxing.
This morning, I wasn't just rushing to get it done so I could move on to the next task; I
was really thinking about each step and not listening to any of my brain's prattle. I think
that's what people mean when they say "slow down". It wasn't that I did it any slower - it
wasn't that it took any additional time - the difference was that I was present while I was
doing it. My mind was clear, uncluttered, and without agitation. I wasn't thinking about
past or future, just about what I was doing at the moment - and the process was truly
enjoyable, not just another task in a endless stream of "must dos".
By practicing my meditations, clearing my mind, and developing a new, "slower" routine,
my life has become more peaceful, more light, more buoyant, more free.
#2 - Get rid of things (and activities) that weigh you down
No one can deny that we make time for the things that are our priority (even those
people who are always saying "I'm too busy".) But our society pushes us think that
everything is a priority. But if everything is a priority, then nothing is really a priority!
By slowing down, avoiding distraction, and clearing our minds, we have more time and
"bandwidth" to focus on what is really important. But we still need to eliminate things
that aren't crucial so that we have more time to focus on those things that are.
I used to spend a couple of hours each evening on a social media site. Until I seriously
considered its effect on me. Most evenings, I was less happy after spending time on
social media - so I quit. Instead, I sought out ways to spend that time in positive,
creative, or productive ways. But until I started to truly think about it, it was just part of
my routine. Really considering the affects your activities have on your life will help you
sort out what's just causing stress or taking up your valuable time.
The same principle applies to "things". Things do not make you happy - and more
things will not make you more happy! (If you doubt that, think of some small children
you know who prefer the box over the expensive toy that came in it.) To lighten your
physical load, focus on quality not quantity, and don't let your "stuff" weigh you down.
Some ways to ease the "pain" of getting rid of material things:
First, I remember that it's just a THING - and things don't make you happy.
Then I consider its usefulness. If it makes my life easier or performs an essential
function, I keep it. (Even if it's something that I use infrequently - like my
snorkeling gear, which is seldom used but brings me such happiness when I get
the opportunity to use it!)
Then if an item isn't necessarily "useful", I hold it in my hands and ask myself
"does this bring me joy?" If the answer is yes, it goes back where it was - and if
the answer is "no", it goes in the donation box.
The final, and really the most important, is that I donate it to a worthy cause.
(That old saying about "one man's trash..." is true! Just because an item doesn't
bring me joy, that doesn't mean that it can't bring joy to someone else.) If I have
ten jackets, I know that there are people in the world that have none - so giving a
few away turns the potentially negative action into an extremely positive one.
Remember, emotional attachments to material items isn't healthy. True, renewable, and
limitless happiness comes from within yourself, not from external sources and "things".
Disconnecting from material objects is really liberating!
#3 - Really focus on activities and people that bring you joy
Doing things mindlessly (by habit) can lead to a lot of "wasted" time. For instance, if
you're watching your Friday night TV show because that's what you do on Friday night,
consider the effect it is having. Would you actually be happier going for a walk instead?
Or calling an old friend? Or baking a cake...
Start by reflecting on the type of person you want to become, then consider what you
can do to achieve that. (Do you want to be kind, easy going, available to your friends
and family? - Or do you prefer being stressed out, "too busy", emotionally unavailable...)
Remember to be reasonable and kind to yourself - don't focus on what you have done in
the past, just think about what you want from your life and how to accomplish that.
Now make a physical list of the things that lead you to that lifestyle. That list contains all
of the things that are really important, so you can work on eliminating (or reducing)
anything else - because what's not on the list is holding you back from your ideal life.
In case you get stuck and need an example, here is my list of what kind of person I want to be and things I actions I need to attain those goals:
Thoughtful and kind: Be aware of other people's feelings and be considerate.
Helpful and generous of spirit: Be unselfish and share my talents (so long as it's not unhealthy to my own emotional state).
Easy Going: Avoid having too many expectations. Remember that things seldom go as "planned", and that my most joyous moments have come from spontaneity or when events went completely opposite of my plans.
Organized: Have a tidy space and not spend an inordinate amount of time trying to find things (that are not where they are supposed to be).
Trustworthy: Be the type of person that people confide in because I don't gossip.
Honest: Never lie, cheat, or steal (even the smallest of lies or theft compromises your honesty - don't even take supplies from work or say "no those pants don't make you look fat" if they do!)
Strong willed (but not stubborn): Be strong enough to stand up for my beliefs, but not so rigid that I can't be open to having my mind changed.
Capable: Don't rely on others to do things that I can do myself.
Healthy: Eat well, exercise, and reduce stress. Medicine is sick care, good food is health care.
Smart: Continue to learn new things every day.
Happy: Live simply, remember what is important, be quick to love and slow to anger, be forgiving, don't hold grudges, let go of negativity and hang onto things that are positive, take time to enjoy the small pleasures, truly appreciate the positive traits of myself and others.
Successful: Remember, success can't be measured by the cost of your house or car, or the amount of money you made each year. Setting attainable personal growth goals, then working toward and then attaining those goals; that's success!
#4 - Secure your own mask before helping others with theirs
We've all heard the flight attendant say this. In case you don't know why they instruct
you to essentially "look out for number one" is not as selfish as you might think! It's
really logical that an incapacitated passenger can't help anybody! So if you don't put
your mask on first, chances are that you won't be able to help your kids, your spouse,
your family, and not even yourself. Taking 15 seconds to put on your own mask first
could potentially save your entire family. I'm going to repeat this because I think it's
really important to understand: if you are incapacitated, you cannot help anyone.
This is the really hard part - tough love coming in!
It's the same with mental incapacitation. If your brain and your time are completely filled
because you have allowed over-occupancy with nonessential thoughts and activities,
you are useless to everyone. If the over-full life and brain model describes you, you
have allowed your brain to hijack your life.
So here's what you can do to un-do what your brain has done to you (you may need to
get out of your comfort zone to continue):
Start by understanding that you sometimes need to "look out for number one". Put on
your own mask, take a deep breath, then you can help the others around you. It might
help reduce the sting to remember that it is ultimately the unselfish thing to do.
Next, accept yourself, including your weaknesses and limitations. (I did warn you that
this could be difficult!) Don't judge or blame yourself. Just accept that this is your
starting point. It doesn't matter how old you are, where you come from, whether you
have kids, who you've loved; nothing that happened in the past matters.
Side note: I'm not going to suggest that you accept your circumstances, because
people tend to use circumstance as an excuse to keep doing the same thing.
Your current circumstances are caused by your prior decisions. If you start
changing your decisions, you will change your circumstances!
Then appreciate that you have the desire to take control of your own life, your own
destiny, your own brain and mind.
Understand that the changes you are making are not going to happen overnight; they
may even be imperceptible at first. There will be times where you move backward and
lose ground. That's okay. It's not a race to a finish line, these are lifestyle changes -
and they take a lifetime.
#5 - Simplify your thoughts, simplify your life
Some of us have a difficult time making decisions. Maybe it's because we are
inundated by the number of options, but sometimes it's for fear of making the wrong
decision. (This is another way our brain hijacks us.) If you struggle with too many
alternatives, purposefully limit your choices. (Try applying Amazon-like filters to reduce
the number of options.)
Rather than multi-tasking (which means that you aren't fully present in any of the tasks
you are trying to accomplish), focus instead on completing one task before moving to
the next.
Reduce debt-related worry by re-thinking how you buy. Remember, our culture lends
itself to debt, yet money is one of the biggest known stresses in our society! Rather
than listening only to your brain as it chatters on about how much you want something,
use your mind to consider the usefulness, life expectancy, and also the real cost
(including the hidden price of debt-related stress.) Also, it might help to think about the
number of things you just had to have that wound up later in a donation box!
Take some time each day to disconnect. Technology, and the ability to do anything at
any time, regardless of where we are or what we are doing, can be a great thing! But it
can also overwhelm. When I was a kid, if I was playing with my friend Penny, I was fully
absorbed with the activity we were doing - because I didn't have the distraction of a cell
phone interrupting me with wonderings about what my other friends were doing. I was
perfectly happy, because I didn't even consider the things that I was "missing out on".
Today, our technology induced distractions keep our brains busy while our lives are
slipping by - and we frequently miss out on the things (and people) who are right in front
of us. You can start small - while waiting in line, don't check your phone. Instead try
engaging someone in a conversation, or just stand quietly and do a balloon head
meditation. More challenging: try turning your phone OFF for an hour (GASP!)
Peace and quiet.. It's called that for a reason. We wake up to screaming alarms, drive
to work with the radio on, work with phones ringing and the conversations of our co-
workers overriding our thoughts, and once back at home usually have the TV going in
the background. It's difficult to be tranquil when there is a bunch of noise, and there is
little actual "peace" in our lives. (When was the last time you sat in silence and just
listened to your own breath?) Add more quiet time to your life by turning off the radio
while driving (use that time for a mindful meditation), go for a walk by yourself, or take a
quiet soak in the tub. Try turning off the TV (warning, you may need to fill the space
with an actual family conversation!) Use literal peace to de-stress and clear your mind.
#5 - More ways to quiet your brain
Your brain will nag you about things because it worries that you might forget them. To
lighten your mental load, simply write down things you need to remember. (I use my
cell phone to make notes, such as shopping lists, so my brain doesn't need to remind
me one million times that we need eggs.) Here are some other great things that you
can do with technology to free your brain space (tech isn't all bad!):
To-do lists / shopping lists
Reminders for infrequent bills (car registration, tax payments, insurance, etc)
Birthday reminders (set 10 days ahead so you have time to mail a card!)
Other due dates (library books, school registration, monthly breast exam, etc)
Most phones allow for hands-free reminders to be set so that you don't need to fret
about forgetting. You can just say something like "Hey Google", make a reminder for
7:00 to tell Bob that I'm pregnant" (or any other noteworthy thing.)
A place for everything and everything in its place. A cluttered space is more difficult to
navigate and wastes time. Allocate a little time each week to stay organized. Spending
a few minutes up front can save you hours later on!
Really pick your battles. I frequently give in to disagreements, not necessarily because
the opponent is right, but because it's just not worth the cost of my time and energy to
continue. There will be occasions when you need to face a conflict head on and battle
to the end, but those are rare. Determine the cost of combat before continuing the fight.
Don't put off things that are really important. I recently had a co-worker tell me that she
was going to stop smoking, but hadn't picked a date yet. I told her that if she was really
serious about quitting smoking, then her date should be "TODAY". Putting off
something that's crucial allows your brain time to undermine its significance - because if
it really is that vital, you should want to do it with a sense of urgency. The longer you
put it off, the less important it becomes to your brain.
Stop Complaining. Negative words become negative thoughts, which become more
negative words... Unless the cycle is broken with intent, it becomes a never-ending
series of negativity. Not only is it a waste of time and energy, it also drains the people
around you. Chronic complaints can lead others to feel that you are unhelpful, or that
you are a pessimist. Instead of complaining, recognize the concern and try to find a
constructive resolution. Remember, by limiting the amount of time spent on negativity,
you increase the amount of time you have for positivity in your life!
NOTE: seeking a solution to a problem is not the same as complaining! Asking
"how can we fix this problem" is not the same as saying " I have a problem and I
just want to tell you about it."
Day 30
Motto for the day: If it feels good...
If you’ve been following along faithfully by now I would hope that you have developed
an appetite for the peaceful state of meditation. (I seriously crave it since I have
renewed my daily practice routine!) I find that I not only desire for my little mental
vacations, but I also have a hunger to improve my skills. Undoubtedly, part of that
yearning is the empowered feeling I get when my practice puts me in control of my own
emotions (as well as the reduced stress and increased peacefulness of my life now!
Tammy Fnord captured this beautiful guy on a recent day trip in Northern California
I have a more rigid and full schedule than I did years ago when I first began meditating.
In spite of that, I find that my practices are at least as meaningful and productive as
back then, even though they are generally shorter in duration.
In recalling those earliest sessions, I remembered one of the initial challenges: When
you do a meditation that focuses on connectedness, you have the opportunity to
experience the spirit and energy of everyone who has ever lived. Opening yourself to
the oneness of everything can be a bit overwhelming, but it should also feel amazing.
It is mind-boggling to know that life is supporting and accepting me, never asking for
anything in return - it is the most unconditional love.
When I finally came to terms with that and just let happen, it was unlike anything else I
had ever experienced. I hope that you experience that feeling, and that you can learn to
accept and savor it too!