Developing Your Developing Your Couples Vision Couples Vision

Presented By Presented By DeWayne & Jacqui Thomas DeWayne & Jacqui Thomas Sponsored by R.E.L.A.T.E. Sponsored by R.E.L.A.T.E.

Ministries Ministries

Overview Overview Identify ExpectationsIdentify Expectations

Where They Come FromWhere They Come FromExpectations In Action (film clip)Expectations In Action (film clip)How They Effect Us (expectation work How They Effect Us (expectation work

sheet)sheet) How To Identify Your Vision How To Identify Your Vision

Communicating Your VisionCommunicating Your VisionIt’s In Your Head - Help Me See It( exercise)It’s In Your Head - Help Me See It( exercise)

Using all Skills and ToolsUsing all Skills and Tools Yours, Mine Yours, Mine ⇒⇒ Ours Ours Problem Solving Problem Solving Creating Your Relationship Vision Creating Your Relationship Vision

Identifying Expectations Identifying Expectations

Why talk about them? They affect Why talk about them? They affect the very fabric of your marriage.the very fabric of your marriage.

Identified and latent expectation will often Identified and latent expectation will often have a major affect on how one sees of hears have a major affect on how one sees of hears what is actually being said.what is actually being said.

What kind of expectations do people What kind of expectations do people have for marriage?have for marriage?

Expectation Work Sheet Expectation Work Sheet

Where Do Expectation Come FromWhere Do Expectation Come From

Many from family Many from family of origin of origin

Many from your Many from your own historyown history

Culture and mediaCulture and media They are They are

comprised of the comprised of the sum total of your sum total of your life experiences life experiences

Expectation In ActionExpectation In Action

Being There,Being There, film film clip of Chance the clip of Chance the Gardener Gardener

How Expectations Affect Us How Expectations Affect Us It’s OK to have different expectationsIt’s OK to have different expectations Power of expectations Power of expectations They can produce friction and disappointment They can produce friction and disappointment Many people have ideals for marriage that they Many people have ideals for marriage that they

have not shared with their partnerhave not shared with their partner Some are just not reasonable Some are just not reasonable Bringing expectations out into the open allows Bringing expectations out into the open allows

for better understanding and trust for better understanding and trust

How Expectations Affect Us How Expectations Affect Us continued continued

Identify the source of the expectationIdentify the source of the expectation Is it positive or negative ?Is it positive or negative ? Why is this irritating me?Why is this irritating me? Feeling extremely passionate about Feeling extremely passionate about

something is a good indicator of a something is a good indicator of a latent expectation latent expectation

Expectation Work Sheet Expectation Work Sheet

Communicating Your Vision Communicating Your Vision It’s in your head help me to see it”It’s in your head help me to see it”

Exercise

What would have made it easier?What would have made it easier? Must use all skills and tools availableMust use all skills and tools available Speaking Clearly Speaking Clearly Staying Calm Staying Calm Speaking SlowlySpeaking Slowly No Yelling No Yelling Not expecting them to get all at once Not expecting them to get all at once

Starting the process of discovery Starting the process of discovery

Goal is Goal is not not to accomplish to accomplish your individual vision but your individual vision but to communicate it first to communicate it first

Communication allows for Communication allows for understanding the understanding the respective visionsrespective visions

Through understanding Through understanding each party can choose to each party can choose to make an informed make an informed compromise, working compromise, working towards a singular vision for towards a singular vision for the marriage.the marriage.

Take Notes !

What If Our Differences Become a What If Our Differences Become a Problem?Problem?

Coming to a Unified VisionComing to a Unified Vision

Mission: Why we do what we doMission: Why we do what we do– Requires prayer, reflection, Requires prayer, reflection,

communicationcommunication

Vision: What you see yourself Vision: What you see yourself doingdoing– Specific ActionsSpecific Actions

Goal: Small steps to reach the Goal: Small steps to reach the visionvision

R.E.L.A.T.E.R.E.L.A.T.E. Mission: To help people have Mission: To help people have

abundant life by teaching abundant life by teaching scriptural principles and scriptural principles and skilled use of practical toolsskilled use of practical tools

Vision: We will travel across Vision: We will travel across the country in an RV the country in an RV ministering and providing ministering and providing free trainingfree training

Goals: Establish a charter, Goals: Establish a charter, establish web site, build establish web site, build support team etc..support team etc..

Problem Solving Skills Problem Solving Skills

The 3 “P”s The 3 “P”s 1. Problem discussion1. Problem discussion 2. Prayer2. Prayer 3. Problem Solution3. Problem Solution

a Agenda settinga Agenda setting

b Brain Storming b Brain Storming

c Agreement & Compromisec Agreement & Compromise

d Follow up on attempted d Follow up on attempted solution solution

Problem DiscussionProblem Discussion

Be ready because Be ready because in some instances in some instances a lot of baggage a lot of baggage may come up. But may come up. But remember it’s only remember it’s only the discussion the discussion phase. Think of it phase. Think of it as an open house as an open house to your partner’s to your partner’s mind .mind .

PrayerPrayer

Maybe not for Maybe not for small but is great small but is great for bigger issues for bigger issues

Proverbs 3:5 Trust Proverbs 3:5 Trust the Lord the Lord

Proverbs 3:6 Look Proverbs 3:6 Look to the Lord in all to the Lord in all things things

It ‘s not a bad ideal to take a closer look at

Agenda SettingAgenda Setting

Pick a very specific Pick a very specific issue you are issue you are working to solve working to solve

Stay on this Stay on this specific focus for specific focus for solution ideas.solution ideas. You may be

worlds apart but stay on task

Brain Storming Brain Storming

Suggest any ideas Suggest any ideas at all , no matter at all , no matter how unusual with how unusual with no criticism or no criticism or evaluationevaluation

Record ideas on Record ideas on paper. Only one paper. Only one can play scribecan play scribe

Funny ideas can Funny ideas can help keep tension help keep tension lowlow

Agreement & Compromise Agreement & Compromise

Work through the Work through the ideasideas

Try different Try different combinationscombinations

Try for a specific Try for a specific solution that will solution that will work in light of work in light of your new your new understanding of understanding of what is important what is important to each other.to each other.

Metamorphosis

Amalgamation

Create Your Relationship VisionCreate Your Relationship Vision

Ask yourself the Ask yourself the question:question:

If we knew we If we knew we could not fail, and could not fail, and if we could design if we could design our relationship our relationship any way we any way we wanted, how would wanted, how would we be?we be?