THE ROTARY CLUB OF FERNDOWN

In this Issue

Derrick’s Ditherings

Christmas Carols

Before & After

Inductions

Presidents Night

I wouldn’t have

missed it for the

world

Burns Night

Golf Day

French Traditions

Rotary Conference

Greek Bailout

Fifty Shades of Grey

St Patrict’s Day

Inner Wheel News

Special points of interest:

Meets at Cobhams Sports and Social

Club

Merley Park Road Wimborne

Telephone: 01202 885773

E-Mail: cobhamsport@btconnect..com

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Derricks Ditherings

After the busy December program it seems only ‘right and proper’ that we

should have paused to catch our breath, if for just a little while.

Bill Field’s New Years Day Walk is becoming something of a tradition but

those who attend have no great expectations with regard the weather. However,

on this occasion our leader, John Smith and his brave-hearts were pleasantly

surprised. A sunny but cold afternoon was perfect for the short circular walk

around Bill’s estate culminating in a short visit to the Longham United Reform

Church (all arranged via Bill). You all know the church I mean, the one that

looks as if it should be in New England. I have always wanted to see inside the

church and I was not disappointed. Bill of course declined to join us on the walk

deciding his chef duties and those not walking required his attention. As is usual

the “Bill of Fare” was plentiful and very tasty. So well done Bill, and thank you

for your generous hospitality. The Club’s Fireside Chats and subsequent reports

took place in October and had been well reported and discussed but there was a

feeling within the Club that further debate was required. For various reasons,

mainly a crowded program the earliest convenient date was Wednesday the 14th.

January. The subsequent debate was very interesting with lots of contributions

from the members, however, drawing conclusions has not been easy and the

President and President Elect will need to review their thoughts and report back

to Club.

The following Wednesday we staged the sequel to Gerry Clarke’s “My Favour-

ite Book”. The sequel, devised and directed by our program-master Mike Sis-

mey and titled: “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world” Yet another great

evening of rotarian fellowship with contributions from those who had agreed to

relate a personal experience to those who provided impromptu contributions. A se-

ries of experiences that ranged from the very personal, the embarrassing and the

amusing. Well done everyone who took part especially Mike for orchestrating it all.

Derricks Ditherings Continued

On Friday 23rd. Mike Clampin our Youth Service Chairman organised a Youth Speaks competi-

tion at the Ferndown Upper School. Despite many false starts and frustrations Mike was finally

able to field two teams, a senior and intermediate team that both performed well. It is planned that

the two teams will compete shortly against a Blandford Forum School. Many thanks to Mike for

his determination in making this happen and of course grateful thanks to the many rotarians who

helped on the day.

Finally, a mention of our Burns Night celebration held on Wednesday 28th. at the Canford Magna

Golf Club. A wonderful evening well supported with eighty two attendees comprising thirty Fern-

down rotarians plus their partners, Inner Wheel members, a strong contingent from our daughter

club Parley and numerous guests. Our grateful thanks to Geoff Richardson who organised the

whole grand affair with his great attention to detail and tradition. Also many thanks to those who

helped in the run-up to the event and those who contributed on the night.

President Derrick

Christmas Carols

At George and Maddy Phillips

“O Come all ye Rotarians”

“Faithfull or not”

Before and After

Pictures of Bob Jones Grandson

Oliver James Govier

Should have gone to

Mothercare they had an offer on

President Derrick inducts our latest members

Christopher Loring and Helen Chiari

‘ I WOULDN’T HAVE

MISSED IT FOR THE

WORLD’

We have all heard about a ‘bucket list’, a list of things its author would desperately want to do

before they die, indeed, some of you may even have one!

Well on the 21st January it was rather like looking down the telescope the other way when several

of our members looked back into their lives and recounted experiences which were landmarks.

Some were where a lesson in life was learned or an unplanned event either pleasant or otherwise

was experienced.

President Derrick was first up with a detailed story of a ‘cruise’ on an oil tanker followed by an

un-nerving contra-temps with customs officials in an African country when he arrived without a

visa! Unpleasant though it was, the unflappable Derrick was eventually able to talk himself out of

trouble.

Derrick was followed by the eloquent Helen who captivated us again with a short presentation

which combined humour with passion in a moving cameo.

John Lewis described a dramatic day at the bank when he was at the centre of things when there

was an abortive bank raid which happened almost immediately after gaining a significant promo-

tion!

June and Howard performed a double act when they recounted the unusual way in which they

revived a school friendship after many years before a lightning marriage!

Bill succeeded in reproducing the tension of the cockpit of his aeroplane when he first flew solo,

needless to say successfully.

Finally Mike Sismey related the exciting story of a night-time excursion along a beach in Gre-

nada where he and Sue were privileged to observe, within touching distance, the making of a nest

in the sand by a 7foot leatherback turtle followed by the laying of her eggs.

But we had not finished! Such was the atmosphere generated by these tales that 3 others were

prompted to make spontaneous contributions. John Hill spoke of when he met and conversed

with a 7ft. African tribal chief in full national dress at a Rotary Convention.

Neville recalled when, as a young serviceman disembarking at Colombo, his curiosity got the

better of him and he got more than he bargained for when he was at the ‘butt end’ of the joke!

Last but not least, Lou described how the flight of a lifetime in the ‘70’s has continued to haunt

him every time he goes abroad by being singled out for ‘isolation’ treatment.

Mike Sismey

'An Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey'

By Alan Dean

The missus bought a Paperback down Shepton, Saturday,

I had a look in her bag; ...T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey Well I just left her to it,

At ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread…

In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip!

She threw them down on the floor, And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek;

But Mabel hasn’t weathered well; She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer.

Things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet; A couple minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and said… I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Mabel, You’d see just why I spluttered,

I’d spent two months in traction For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like; Bent forward just a bit ….

I thought oh well, what the hell, and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My god what had I done!?

She moaned and groaned then shouted out: “Step on the other one!”

Well readers, I can’t tell no more; About what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of Grey

This was Alan’s contribution to “ I wouldn’t have missed it for the World”, needless to say it was

the best contribution of the Evening.

“Och aye the noo”

Burns Night

at

Canford Magna Golf Club

Well what can I say, superb night, great fun, good food and good company. Gerry’s rendition of The

Selkirk Grace delivered in a great Welsh accent started the evening, followed by Tom Barrett’s Ode to

the Haggis, I couldn’t understand the language but it sounded brilliant, and the way he then Attacked

the Haggis was frightening, I’m glad he killed it, I wouldn’t want to eat it raw, still after I had cov-

ered it in whisky it tasted OK. Jim Garrioch piped in both the Haggis and the President and his Guests

looking resplendent in his Kilt and Sporran. Chris Moreton gave a sermon on “ As bonnie lassie I had

seem” and Maddy Phillips responded with “ A man’s a man for a’ that “ Two songs from Margaret

Burdett accompanied by Katherine Wills followed. Poor Mike Barrett was taken ill so Geoff

Richardson who had arranged the splendid event “Lang may his Rum Reek” press ganged me into

giving the Vote of Thanks and the evening finished with us all singing “Auld Lang Syne”.

Charity Golf Day

3rd June 2015

Canford Magna Golf Club

Sponsored once again by the Hendy Group

Charities this year are Forest Home Hospice and Leaf

Blast from the Past

Our first Golf Day

One For The Golfers

Researchers have come up with a theory that listening to certain types of music might actually

help improve your golf. So here are a few suggestions to listen two

It don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that swing— Duke Ellington

Any old irons—Chas & Dave

Not Fade Away—Rolling Stopnes

Tee for Two—Doris Day

Green green Grass of Home—Tom Jones

Bye Bye Birdie—Ann-Margret

Blame it on the Buggy—Michael Jackson

And my favourite whilst waitimg for Jim Sanders to Tee Off.

Shut up and Drive - Rihanna

Any more suggestions let me know

Join us on

President’s Night

Wednesday 27th March 2015 at 6.30 for 7pm

Canford Magna Golf Club

Black tie

£25-00, including entertainment

Traditions

From our French correspondents

Julian and Jenny

Immediately after New Year the counters groaning under the weight of shellfish are replaced by

"Gâteaux des Rois" - loosely translated, the Kings' cake. This is a flaky pastry gateau with almond

paste filling in which is hidden a "fève" which originally was a dried bean and the person who found

it in their slice was "king" for the day and everyone had to obey him! It was eaten to celebrate

Epiphany, hence the name. Nowadays, the "fève", as it is still known, is a little model of a king and

there is a golden cardboard crown around the wrapping for the lucky person to wear. This gâteau is

eaten throughout January as a dessert with guests or just with a glass of wine or a cup of coffee

when people pop in.

Hot on its heels at the beginning of February (thank goodness it is February), the "tourtisseaux"

make their appearance in the boulangeries. These look like little sugar covered balls of pastry. Be-

ing aware of this, after being here for five years, I guessed these too were a tradition of some sort so

asked my hairdresser if she knew the origin. Being a youngish lady she didn't, but her other client

was an elderly lady (probably my age) and was delighted to tell me their history, being able to re-

member her mother making them. "Tourtisseaux" is apparently their name in patois (the local lan-

guage) but they are also known as "beignets" in "proper" French. The origin of this is that at the be-

ginning of February the hens start to lay more frequently and since there was very little to do in the

fields at that time, the farmers' wives used to make them using the abundance of eggs. The ingredi-

ents are eggs (lots of), flour butter and yeast. I asked if there was also liquid, milk or water for ex-

ample. Silly question Jenny, of course there is liquid; either Eau de Vie or Cognac! Why didn't I

think of it? Apparently, at the time every farm which had a vineyard of whatever size were allowed

to have a Still and "since all farms in those days had vines" there was an abundance of Eau de

Vie. It took all day to make these delightful little sweetmeats because since there were no ovens at

the time, the mixture was put to rise under the quilt on the bed because it was the warmest place in

the house(!!) and it took all day to rise of course. The dough was then rolled into small sausage-like

shapes and fried. These were then eaten in the same way as we eat cake or biscuits these days; for

the children at teatime and also in the evening when families or friends gathered together to play cards "there being no television in those days". This was a really interesting visit to the hairdressers and the lady was so

pleased to see my obvious interest. What a fascinating world we live in.

Join us at

Bristol

9th to 11th October

Rotary District 1110 Conference 2015

Offering you Food for Thought

Demetrius Syriopoulos

Explanation of the Greek Bailout !!!

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village . The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times

are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and

lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order

to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the

€100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been fac-

ing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not sus-

pect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are

not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything.

No one earned anything.

However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works

One for St Patricks Day

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He is

amazed to find a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of

the finest cigars and chocolates in the world. When the priest comes in, the Irishman excitedly be-

gins..."Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must

first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies,

"Get out. You're on my side."

Inner Wheel News

Our first meeting was a business meeting and in addition to setting the world to rights, we cele-

brated World Inner Wheel day in a low key manner. We lit a candle of remembrance and toasted

the movement with a non alcoholic cup of coffee. Some ladies had brought naughty cakes so our

attempt at starting the New Year with a diet failed quite miserably. However this indulgent inter-

lude was a pleasant social occasion and we concluded with participating in a not too testing quiz.

Our dinner meeting got off to a good start with a tasty meal provided by the catering staff at

Hamworthy Social Club. The menu was a master of compromise - serving sole Veronique, so

light and delicate, followed by wicked steamed syrup pudding. The whole meal was delicious,

but our waistlines were not improved! The speaker was a lady named Barbara Greaves who

gave us the lowdown on how to look after our cut flowers before artfully displaying them either

with a flower arranger’s skill, or for some, plonking them in a vase and admiring them from afar.

She was a delightful lady and had a good sense of humour. You may like to be reassured that

flowers bought in supermarkets really are both good value and quality. Something may I suggest

to remember when buying flowers for your lady at Valentines day!

A good number of our members attended the “Burns Night” organised by Rotarian Geoffrey

Richardson was an excellent event. This took place at the Canford Magna Golf Club and it was a

splendid menu , showcasing the traditional Scottish fare. The speeches and music celebrating the

life of Robbie Burns were delivered with skill and good humour. In all a lovely evening.

Hopefully this spell of cold weather will soon disappear and perhaps February will herald the

warmer Spring weather. Eileen will soon be reminding all Rotarians of our forthcoming Quiz

which takes place on March 14th

Our crack skittles team has just succeeded in beating Waterlooville Inner Wheel in the second

round of the IW District tournament. I dont think the margin was very large but our ladies have now

advanced into the third round and quite rightly are very pleased with themselves. Hopefully the next

draw will place our team nearer home. This is a event where we never have actually won the cup,

although have reached the finals twice, so fingers crossed !

Janet has had her cardiac operation and returned home the same day.

Apart from the special Y-shaped stent she had 2 other stents fitted

and may well need a further one.

I understand that she is OK just a little sore

Great News

Sheila Smith

The Object of Rotary

The object of Rotary is to encourage and foster the ideal of service as

a basis of worthy enterprise and, in particular, to encourage and fos-

ter:

1. The development of acquaintance as an opportunity for service.

2. High ethical standards in business and professions, and the

recognition of the worthiness of all useful occupations and the

dignifying of each Rotarian’s occupation as an opportunity to

serve society.

The “Four-Way Test”

First: Is it the truth

Second: Is it fair to all Concerned?

Third: Will it build goodwill and better friendships

Business Partners of Ferndown Rotary Club

Helping Our Community

Haskins Garden Centres

Henderson’s Opticians

Hendy Group Motor Dealers

Insley & Partners,Solicitors

A.E.Jolliffe & Sons, Funeral Directors

Merlo UK Ltd

Moors Pharmacy