Death and DyingDeath and Dying

The effects on parents The effects on parents with the sudden loss of with the sudden loss of

a childa child

Statement of the ProblemStatement of the Problem

• How do parents cope with the death How do parents cope with the death of a child when the natural grieving of a child when the natural grieving process is interrupted?process is interrupted?

• What health effects does the death What health effects does the death of a child have on the parents?of a child have on the parents?

The Grieving ProcessThe Grieving Process

1. Shock1. Shock

The initial emotion that one feels is a The initial emotion that one feels is a feeling of shock and total astonishment. feeling of shock and total astonishment.

2. Denial2. Denial

Can not believe what has happened so Can not believe what has happened so we go on thinking that nothing has we go on thinking that nothing has happened.happened.

Grieving Process, Cont.Grieving Process, Cont.

3. Anger and Guilt3. Anger and Guilt A reaction of anger comes from feelings A reaction of anger comes from feelings

of unfairness, abandonment, or feeling of unfairness, abandonment, or feeling powerless attached with the loss.powerless attached with the loss.

You feel guilt when you feel that you You feel guilt when you feel that you have violated your own standard of feel have violated your own standard of feel that you have let others down in some that you have let others down in some way. way.

Grieving Process, Cont.Grieving Process, Cont.

4. Depression4. Depression

When one begins to feel overwhelmed by When one begins to feel overwhelmed by what has happened and feel hopeless, this what has happened and feel hopeless, this is usually when the depression sets in. is usually when the depression sets in.

5. Acceptance5. Acceptance

For most this is the final stage of the For most this is the final stage of the grieving process. We come to terms with grieving process. We come to terms with the loss, and are ready to move on with the loss, and are ready to move on with our lives. our lives.

Grieving Process, Cont.Grieving Process, Cont.

6. Empowerment6. Empowerment

This is a step beyond acceptance. This is a step beyond acceptance. Not all people get to this stage. Your Not all people get to this stage. Your loss is integrated as part of your loss is integrated as part of your identity. It cultivates within you a identity. It cultivates within you a newfound hunger for life, it drives newfound hunger for life, it drives you forward. you forward.

How is a parent’s health How is a parent’s health effected after the death of effected after the death of

a child?a child?

Psychological Effects of Psychological Effects of DeathDeath

-Depression-Depression

-Difficulty with social functioning-Difficulty with social functioning

-Overall psychological well-being-Overall psychological well-being

-Reactivity to good events-Reactivity to good events

-Future worries and concerns -Future worries and concerns

Physical Effects of DeathPhysical Effects of Death

-Weight loss-Weight loss

-Difficulty sleeping-Difficulty sleeping

-Irritable of listless-Irritable of listless

-Hair loss-Hair loss

What are the possible What are the possible solutions?solutions?

Possible SolutionsPossible Solutions

• Parents must get through, not over, their griefParents must get through, not over, their grief• Finding solace in their religionFinding solace in their religion• Finding comfort in rituals: Finding comfort in rituals:

- Funerals or memorial services - Funerals or memorial services • Acknowledging and sharing their griefAcknowledging and sharing their grief• Finding comfort in friends and familyFinding comfort in friends and family• Helping yourself through:Helping yourself through:

- self-expression- self-expression- good physical care- good physical care- emotionally- emotionally

What is the best solution?What is the best solution?

Erickson’s Developmental Erickson’s Developmental PerspectivePerspective

• ““Some changes are expected to Some changes are expected to occur throughout the lifespan-baby occur throughout the lifespan-baby to child to adult.”to child to adult.”

• Sudden death of a child is so Sudden death of a child is so unwanted and unexpected it can unwanted and unexpected it can cause major changes in how cause major changes in how someone handles griefsomeone handles grief

• When death is sudden, grief is highly When death is sudden, grief is highly intensifiedintensified

Family LifecycleFamily Lifecycle

• Carter and McGoldrick have proposed the Carter and McGoldrick have proposed the following family lifecycle:following family lifecycle:– Leaving home: single young adultsLeaving home: single young adults– The joining of families through marriage: the The joining of families through marriage: the

new couplenew couple– Families with young childrenFamilies with young children– Families with adolescentsFamilies with adolescents– Launching children and moving onLaunching children and moving on– Families in later lifeFamilies in later life

• When a child dies, there is a break in When a child dies, there is a break in the cycle, with the parents not being the cycle, with the parents not being able to complete the last 3 stages for able to complete the last 3 stages for that child as planned (families with that child as planned (families with adolescents, launching children and adolescents, launching children and moving on, and families in later life)moving on, and families in later life)

What is lost?What is lost?

• In a study done by Edelstein, there are In a study done by Edelstein, there are three major types of loss for a parent, three major types of loss for a parent, especially the mother:especially the mother:– The loss of a loved child as an aspect of The loss of a loved child as an aspect of

one’s selfone’s self– The loss of future hopes and expectationsThe loss of future hopes and expectations– The confrontation with false illusions as a The confrontation with false illusions as a

result of the deathresult of the death

Dealing with the death of a Dealing with the death of a childchild

• Most common solution is to seek Most common solution is to seek professional helpprofessional help

• Support groups are the most Support groups are the most recommended solutionrecommended solution

• According to The Compassionate Friends According to The Compassionate Friends organization the best solution on how to organization the best solution on how to cope, is to find another family in the same cope, is to find another family in the same situation!situation!

• To best address a parent’s grief, treatment To best address a parent’s grief, treatment should be individualized.should be individualized.

What makes this What makes this successful?successful?

• In working with a therapist or a In working with a therapist or a support group, the parent must:support group, the parent must:– Move through all stages of the grieving Move through all stages of the grieving

process.process.– Have the ability to discuss the lost child.Have the ability to discuss the lost child.

Summary and ConclusionsSummary and Conclusions

Children are not supposed to Children are not supposed to die...Parents expect to see their die...Parents expect to see their children grow and mature. Ultimately, children grow and mature. Ultimately, parents expect to die and leave their parents expect to die and leave their children behind...This is the natural children behind...This is the natural course of life events, the life cycle course of life events, the life cycle continuing as it should. The loss of a continuing as it should. The loss of a child is the loss of innocence, the child is the loss of innocence, the death of the most vulnerable and death of the most vulnerable and dependent. The death of a child dependent. The death of a child signifies the loss of the future, of signifies the loss of the future, of hopes and dreams, of new strength, hopes and dreams, of new strength, and of perfection.and of perfection. - - Arnold and Gemma 1994Arnold and Gemma 1994

The Effects The Effects onon Health for Parents Health for Parents with a Sudden Loss of a Childwith a Sudden Loss of a Child

Physical Effects

• Loss of appetite

• Changes in weight

• Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep

• Fatigue

• Chest pain

• Headache

• Palpitations

• Hair loss

• Gastrointestinal distress

TheThe EffectsEffects on Health for Parents with on Health for Parents with a Sudden Loss of a Childa Sudden Loss of a Child

Psychological EffectsPsychological Effects• SadnessSadness• AnxietyAnxiety• HelplessnessHelplessness• Emotional swingsEmotional swings• IrritabilityIrritability• ApathyApathy• DisbeliefDisbelief• Impaired concentrationImpaired concentration• Lowered self-esteemLowered self-esteem• HallucinationHallucination• Feelings of unreality, numbness, denialFeelings of unreality, numbness, denial

Effects on Health if not Effects on Health if not AddressedAddressed

• AlcoholAlcohol and drug abuseand drug abuse

• Suicidal thoughtsSuicidal thoughts

• Higher risk for health problems Higher risk for health problems mentioned and deathmentioned and death

• DepressionDepression

• Emotional distressEmotional distress

Possible SolutionsPossible Solutions

• Parents must get through, not over, their griefParents must get through, not over, their grief• Finding solace in their religionFinding solace in their religion• Finding comfort in rituals: Finding comfort in rituals:

- Funerals or memorial services - Funerals or memorial services • Acknowledging and sharing their griefAcknowledging and sharing their grief• Finding comfort in friends and familyFinding comfort in friends and family• Helping yourself through:Helping yourself through:

- self-expression- self-expression- good physical care- good physical care- emotionally- emotionally

Ways that help parents cope and Ways that help parents cope and heal from the sudden loss of a heal from the sudden loss of a

childchild

• Admitting to themselves and others that their grief is Admitting to themselves and others that their grief is overwhelming, unpredictable, painful, draining, and overwhelming, unpredictable, painful, draining, and exhausting—that the situation should not be ignored.exhausting—that the situation should not be ignored.

• Allowing yourself to experience the pain of grief and Allowing yourself to experience the pain of grief and working through it.working through it.

• Having someone to share feelings with.Having someone to share feelings with.• A support groupA support group• Keeping a diary or journalKeeping a diary or journal• Talking about the loss and encouraging others to talk Talking about the loss and encouraging others to talk

of the child.of the child.• Accepting the reality of the loss.Accepting the reality of the loss.• Counting on, confiding in, and trusting those who care.Counting on, confiding in, and trusting those who care.• Increasing exercise and maintaining a healthful diet.Increasing exercise and maintaining a healthful diet.• Accepting that they are allowed to feel pleasure and Accepting that they are allowed to feel pleasure and

continue their lives.continue their lives.

Selected SolutionSelected Solution

• The solution that repeatedly appeared in The solution that repeatedly appeared in both the research and on the information both the research and on the information websites, was the use of therapy and websites, was the use of therapy and support groups. support groups.

• These methods helped to face the loss and These methods helped to face the loss and provided two main focal points:provided two main focal points:– Allowing the name and memory of the child to Allowing the name and memory of the child to

be addressedbe addressed– Finding other families that have been through a Finding other families that have been through a

similar losssimilar loss