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Dating, Single Life, & Mate Selection

Perhaps the characteristic of mate selection in America that most distinguishes is us from the rest of the world is that we get to do it!!!!!

There are no arranged marriages, chaperones, childhood betrothals

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Dating, Single Life, & Mate Selection

The topic of mate selection has become increasingly complex as American lifestyles have changed

Increasing numbers of Americans are delaying marriage, cohabitating and divorcing; some never marry at all

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Why do we date?

Dating fills time between puberty and marriage

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Why do we date?

Dating is a way to gain social status based on whom and how often one dates

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Why do we date?

Dating is opportunity for the sexes to interact and learn about each other.

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Why do we date?

Dating meets ego needs

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Why do we date?

Dating leads to mate selection for most individuals

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Dating and communicating

Poor communications and lack of commitment are 2 major problems and we know that these are the major building blocks for successful relationships.

Sexual intimacy seems to take away from these important factors

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Changing sexual mores

American sexual mores have become increasingly liberal – Popular culture – movies and music – Premarital sex– Historical double standard for women

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Changing sexual mores

Sexually transmitted diseases – Lets look at appendix A for a little bit

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Changing sexual mores

Unwanted pregnancies are a problems – Pro choice vs. Pro life: is this something that

should have been communicated before you had sex?

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Changing sexual mores

Early commitment and isolation The quality of sex

– Usually pretty poor– What about date rape?

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Date rape and courtship violence

Generally women of all ages, races, and marital status report that most incidents of violence are committed by an acquaintance rather than by a stranger

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Date rape and courtship violence

Men often appear to confuse friendly with sexually interested

Combine this scenario with alcohol and a stage is set

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Date rape and courtship violence

Many men and women do not discuss their sexual intentions openly and frankly

Differences exist in perceptions of sexual intent

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Date rape and courtship violence

Differing expectations about what stage in the relationship sex is okay

Miscommunication is more common when alcohol or drugs are being used

The use of token resistance by some women may create a belief in some men that protest encountered is not really meant by women– NO MEANS NO

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Date rape and courtship violence

Date-Rape Drug Prohibition Act of 2000

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Dating patterns

There is great opportunity for informal opposite sex interaction

Dating is less formal

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Dating patterns

There no longer seems to be a set progression of stages – Casual dating of numerous people– Multiple dates with fewer persons– Going steady– Cohabitating or getting engaged – Married

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College dating

Hooking up or being joined at the hip Bad dates Exploitation Rape culture

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Social channels of love

Dating varies with social class, ethnicity, and cultural background.

Dating is homogenous Propinquity

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Postponing marriage& cohabitation

Greater acceptance of sex outside of marriage

Education Career choices Self-fulfillment

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Cohabitation and Marriage

Cohabitating partners are more unfaithful and fight more often than married couples

Higher rates of domestic violence

Marriage after cohabitation tends to be more unstable

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Cohabitation and Marriage

People who are divorced are more likely to cohabitate afterwards – Self-fulfilling prophecy? – Enter a relationship partly to see if it will last,

and by keeping the possibility of an easy out you be helping the break up from the beginning

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First impressions

Physical attractiveness

Halo effect- the tendency for first impressions to influence succeeding evaluations – Give a person traits that are not even there– Future disappointments

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Physical attractiveness

Usually an advantage however– Some persons tend to avoid highly attractive

people• Fear of rejection• Sought after by others in the future

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Engagement

Until recently it has been a pretty formal stage– Increased age for marriage– Remarriages– Cohabitation

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Functions of engagement

Where will live? Children? Money? Employment

– Premarital medical exam– Premarital counseling