dating perceptions and ehaviors mong randparents · single grandparents are dating or at least open...

AARP.ORG/RESEARCH | © 2019 AARP ALL RIGHTS RESERVED DOI: AARP RESEARCH

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: SINGLEDATING PERCEPTIONS AND BEHAVIORS

AMONG GRANDPARENTS

February 2019

https://doi.org/10.26419/res.00278.001

AARP.ORG/RESEARCH | © 2019 AARP ALL RIGHTS RESERVED AARP RESEARCH

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

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Executive Summary• Single grandparents are dating or at least open to it, and they are not doing it with (re)marriage in mind

– Almost 13 million single grandparents in the U.S. are actively open to dating, but they see a lot of challenges in finding compatible

companions in today’s dating world.

– Dating isn’t about marriage for single grandparents, it’s about companionship or finding a partner.

• When it comes to meeting new potential partners, single grandparents go the traditional route

– Friends and family are seen as the best way to meet new people. Although, most who would rather be set-up by family have yet to

give it a try.

– Single grandparents look to pick up their dates offline. Overwhelmingly, dating sites, apps, and services are not used and their

comfort level with these alternatives is on the low side.

• Dating norms and protocols, among single grandparents, look much like they used to in the good ol’ days

– If you ask grandparents, they’ll tell you that on a first date the man pays, and people meet in a neutral or safe meeting place (rather

than at one another’s home).

– Women aren’t big believers in kissing on the first date and tend to wait for the man to call afterwards.

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DETAILED FINDINGS: DATING BEHAVIORS, ATTITUDES & PROTOCOLS

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Single grandparents describe the dating world as vastly different from when they first entered the scene.

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Q23: In your own words, please tell us how dating has changed since you first started dating. Please be as specific as possible.Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Casual Attitude 23%

“Now, it seems that it is all about sex. When I started dating, a good night kiss was the limit.”

Female, Age 75

“When I was dating, we did not get so familiar so fast. It is better to see how the minds connect first. Real intimacy

coming so soon puts stress on possibilities.” Female, Age 71

“Marriage is no longer the main goal.”Male, Age 89

Technology18%

“Everything seems to originate online these days. I prefer face to

face interaction.”Male, Age 60

“I started dating 60 years ago...no computers, no cell phones, teens

borrowed their parents' cars.” Female Age 74

“Social media has made dating easier to get to know a potential

friend.” Female, Age 75

Communication11%

“The person to person contact. Today it's text/cell phone or

other means.” Male, Age 79

“First and foremost when I started dating in the mid-late 50s there were no such things as cell phones or the

internet so communicating was totally different.” Female, Age 76

“Now every one seems to be into the cell phone and no one on one

contact.” Male, Age 83

Role of Women7%

“Women are much more demanding and independent than decades ago when I first dated a

woman.” Male, Age 79

“The female pays, picks up the man, no morals.”

Female, Age 79

“Women are so much more forward. Dating someone you have only met on the internet.”

Female, Age 74


More than half of single grandparents are single and ready to mingle, but have varying perspectives on what it is like to date in 2019.

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Q1: Which of the following best describes your dating status?Q4: Now, assume you were speaking to a friend and they asked what it was like to be dating in today’s world….what would you tell them? Please use a sentence or two to sum up how you feel about it, what your most recent experiences have been like – good or bad.Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Dating Status

44%

34%

22%

Not dating, no desire

Not dating, open to it

Dating

“Today's world is totally different from years ago because people play way too many games. Most people

are trying to get a booty call instead of building a strong friendship first.”

“It is complicated. Very complicated.”

“It is fun to be with a person of similar

experiences.”

“I am looking to find and meet a

nice lady.”

“Not interested in going through the ropes on dating.”

Thoughts on Dating

Almost 13 million people


While many may think that grandparents have conventional dating goals, marriage is not on their mind. Women are looking for a companionship and men for a partner.

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Q5: What would be your ideal outcome from dating?Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Dating Goals

4%

4%

12%

19%

25%

36%

Other

Sexual or physically intimacy

Marriage

Have fun, nothing serious

Partner but not marriage

Companionship

More likely among those under age 50 than age 50

and over (46% vs. 9%)

Men are more likely (34% vs. 17% of women)

Women are more likely (45% vs. 25% of men)


The most important characteristic for a new date is the kind of person they are (e.g., their character traits), but men also focus heavily on their dates’ looks.

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Q3d: What characteristics are/were most important to you when thinking about dating someone new/meeting your current partner?Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Key Personal Traits

63% 61%

35%31%

27% 25%

15% 13%

3% 2%5%

The kind ofperson they are

Values/priorities

Physicalfeatures

Physicallyactive

Religiousbeliefs

Profession/career/ financial

stability

Hobbies/passions

Political beliefs If havechildren

If havegrandchildren

Other

More important to men (50% vs. 23% for women)

More important to women (65% vs.

52% for men)


Friends and family are seen as the best way to meet someone special, but most who prefer a set-up by family have yet to try it out.

8%

4%

5%

6%

11%

15%

29%

33%

35%

37%

63%

Other

Social media

Dating service

Work

Gym

Dating site

Serendipitously

Someone already know

Church/ Temple/ Etc.

Through family

Through friends

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Q6: What do you think is the best way to meet people you might be interested in dating?Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Q6b: Which of your family members have set you up with someone in the past 5 years, if any?Base: Grandparents Who Have Dated Past 3 Years & Think Family is a Good Dating Resource (n=59)

46%were set up

by family

25%

17%

8%

Sibling Children Other

And, they were set up by…

Of those who think family is a good dating resource…

How Best to Meet Someone to Date


And, although family is seen by so many as an ideal way to meet that special someone, few recognize children or grandchildren can be great matchmakers.

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Q7a: How comfortable would you be to have your child(ren) set you up on a date?Base: Grandparents with Children (n=509)

Comfort with Child Setting Up

34%

36%

30%

Comfortable

Neutral

Uncomfortable

Q7b: How comfortable would you be to have your grandchild(ren) set you up on a date?*Comfort with grandchildren participating in their dating options does not vary by the age of the grandchild (looking at grandchildren above or below age 11 at about 18%).Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Comfort with Grandchild Setting Up*

51%

31%

18%

Comfortable

Neutral

Uncomfortable


Single grandparents are a bit swipe-shy and tend make their moves offline.

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Q8a: Have you ever used a dating site via the website or on an app to digitally meet someone before you met them in person?Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Ever Used

74%

6%

24%

None

App

Website

Q8b: How comfortable are you using/would you be to use a dating site (e.g. Tinder, SilverSingles) to meet someone new?

Comfort with Use

57%

22%

21%

Comfortable

Neutral

Uncomfortable

21%

6%

12%

12%

15%

21%

28%

38%

54%

Other

SilverSingles

OkCupid

Christian Mingle

Senior People Meet

OurTime

eHarmony

Plenty of Fish

Match.com

Sites Used

Q8c: Which dating sites have you tried?Base: Grandparents Who Have Used a Dating Site (n=145)

Those under age 50 are more likely (24% vs. 5%

for age 50 and older)


Few are singing “matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match!”

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Q9a: Have you ever used a dating service where you are set up to meet someone in person?Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Ever Used

6%

94%

Have used

Have notused

Q9b: How comfortable are you using/would you be to use a dating service to meet someone new?

Comfort with Use

52%

27%

21%

Comfortable

Neutral

Uncomfortable

61%

6%

8%

25%

Other

ProfessionalMatchmaker

Great Expectations

It's Just Lunch

Services Used

Q9c: Which dating services have you tried?Base: Grandparents Who Have Used a Dating Service (n=36) [Caution small base size]


Most grandfathers are at least open to kissing on the first date, but they’ll be disappointed since most grandmothers are not! First date etiquette is fairly conventional.

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Q12: How do you typically get to your first date?Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Q15: Who pays for the first date?

79%

1%

20%

60%

37%

3%

Meet separatelyI pick upThey pick up

Women Men

Who Drives?

47%

0%

53%

13%

1%

86%

Split the checkWoman paysMan pays

Women Men

Who Pays?

11%

68%

20%

Men

Yes Depends on person No

Kiss on First Date?

1%

43%

56%

Women

Yes Depends on person No

Q13: Do you typically prefer to kiss on the first date?


Tried and true first date get togethers like coffee, lunch, or dinner top the charts for single grandparents.

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Q10: What do you think is a good thing to do on a first date?Base: Grandparents (n=560)

Best First Date Themes55%

51%46%

35%

20%

13%

6% 4% 3% 2%

Coffee Out to lunch Out to dinner Walk/ talk (i.e.park)

Entertainment(i.e. movie)

Happy Hour Uniqueexperience

Activity/ sport Make dinner/dinner made

for you

Other


-30%

-5%

-3%

-16%

-36%

-5%

-5%

No three day rule here! Follow-up after a great date tends to occur within a day, but the woman waits for the man to call.

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Wait Time After Date

Q16: When you have a great date with someone, how long do you wait before you reach out to communicate with them?Q17: When the first date does not go great, how long do you wait before you reach out to communicate with them?Base: Grandparents (n=560)

65%

6%

3%

8%

12%

3%

3%Within 2 hours

Half Day

1 Day

2 Days

3 Days

4+ Days

Never

Great Date Bad Date

Women are more likely than men (50% vs. 5%)

Women are more likely than men (80% vs. 46%)

Men are more likely than women (19% vs. 6%)





Most single grandparents wouldn’t ghost a bad date, but they’ll avoid breaking it off, unless contacted.

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Q18: Assuming after a first date, or a few dates, you had no desire in pursuing this relationship, how would you/do you break it off?Base: Grandparents (n=560)

How To Communicate Disinterest

16%

1%

3%

4%

4%

18%

22%

33%

Don't know

Indicate in app/ dating site

Email

Text

Would not contact them and avoid their contact

Phone call

In person

Would not contact but would tell if they contacted me Women are more likely than men (42% vs. 22%)

Men are more likely than women ( 24% vs. 13%)

Men are more likely than women ( 28% vs. 17%)


APPENDIX

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AARP.ORG/RESEARCH | © 2019 AARP ALL RIGHTS RESERVED AARP RESEARCH 18

Audience Profile: Total Grandparents

Base: Total Single Grandparents (n=560)

Gender Marital Status Presence of Children

Age Race/Ethnicity

46% 54%

38 - 53 12%

54 - 72 31%

73+ 57%

<18: 11% | 18+: 89%

Single/Never Married 12%

Separated 4%Divorced 46%Widowed 38%

Caucasian 82%African American 7%Hispanic 7%Asian 1%Other 3%


Methodology• A 10-minute online survey was conducted

among males and females, 38+, who are currently single.

• The survey was in field from December 28, 2018 through January 14, 2019.

• A total of N=1,483 surveys were completed, of which, n=560 were grandparents.

• A demographic overview of grandparents is to the right.

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AARP RESEARCH AARP.ORG/RESEARCH | © 2019 AARP ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 20

About AARPAARP is the nation’s largest nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to empowering Americans 50 and older to choose how they live as they age. With nearly 38 million members and offices in every state, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands, AARP works to strengthen communities and advocate for what matters most to families with a focus on health security, financial stability and personal fulfillment. AARP also works for individuals inthe marketplace by sparking new solutions and allowing carefully chosen, high-quality products and services to carry the AARP name. As a trusted source for news and information, AARP produces the nation's largest circulation publications, AARP The Magazine and AARP Bulletin. To learn more, visit www.aarp.org or follow @AARP and @AARPadvocates on social media.

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Vicki Gelfeld, AARP [email protected]

For media inquiries, please contact [email protected]

This research was designed and executed by AARP Research in partnership with Interloq

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dating perceptions and ehaviors mong randparents · single grandparents are dating or at least open...

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