cultivating your child's character 2015
TRANSCRIPT
January 2015
Cultivating Your Child’s Character
Krista Keintz, MS BCBA
Alternative Title: How to Train Your Dragon
image via howtotrainyourdragon.com
Agenda
Introductions Cultivating Character Your Character
Inheritance Framework for
Building Character Prioritize Legacy Define Habit Practice Happy Make it Work
image via 5feet20.com
Welcome! Introductions
Board Certified Behavior Analyst - science in which the analysis of behavior is applied systematically to improve social significant behavior... in other words, the science of learning
Montessori Educator - drawn to the concept of the prepared environment and the possibility for meaningful, individualized education in a group-setting
Unlikely pairing of disciplines but experience has proven them to have a powerful synergy
Introducing, you!
A little survey with a show of hands... How old are your children? Younger than two?
Toddler community? Three-to-six classroom? Six-to-nine classroom? Older than nine?
How many children are in your family? One? Two? Three? Four? More?
(no show of hands) Do you feel that you have been successful teaching your children self control & self discipline? Yes or No?
Cultivating Character
Only 34% of parents say they have been successful teaching their children self control & self discipline (Public Agenda, 2002)
Character is not an item of knowledge which can be taught through learning or imitation. It is a conquest made during life through personal exercise and through personal experience. (Dr. Maria Montessori, A New World & Education)
Whether habits are planned and created conscientiously, or allowed to be haphazardly filled in by chance, they are habits all the same. Habit rules ninety-nine percent of everything we do. (Charlotte Mason)
image via gettingunstuckllc.com and irtsociety.com
Would you prefer to navigate to a new place or take a free, door-to-door express train?
Why?
Would you prefer to navigate to a new place or take a free, door-to-door express train?
Why?
Combat Decision Fatigue
“The effort of decision is the greatest effort
of life.” – Charlotte
Mason
Good habits decrease # of
difficult decisions a
person has to make in a day & increase his
or her access to positive
outcomes
Invitingly Smooth & Easy
“It follows that this business of laying down lines towards the unexplored country of the child’s future is a very serious and responsible one for the parent. It rests with him to consider well the tracks over which the child should travel with profit and pleasure; and, along these tracks, to lay down lines so invitingly smooth and easy that the little traveller is going upon them at full speed without stopping to consider whether or not he chooses to go that way” (Charlotte Mason, Vol. 1, p. 109).
Not Cookie Cutter
Tonight I will be sharing a framework which is yours to personalize…
Consider it a starting point for your own journey as a family this year
image via themomiwanttobe.com
Too Many Choices
Goal One: Support parents as they prioritize and simplify their approach to cultivating character in their children
Cultivating character is an expansive task & more information is not always better (Jam Study: 24 jams, 60% try, 3% buy; 6 jams, 40% try, 30% buy)
Source: Iyengar & Lepper. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 2000
Reflect on Your Character Inheritance
Five minutes of reflection... What 5 character qualities were
most valued in your family of origin? Which of these qualities would your
best friend say describe you today? What 5 character qualities do your
children see you demonstrate most often?
5
End
Survey: Inheritance to Legacy How many of the qualities that you
identified as being the most valued in your family of origin are also qualities that you believe your children see you demonstrate most often?
Observational Learning
Researchers at Cornell did a fun study…Squirrel puppet selects 5 red circle toys from box A: 100% red circles B: 50% red circles & blue flowers C: 18% red circles & 82% blue flowers
3 & 4 year olds asked to give Squirrel what toy he likes best
Kids from group C did best! “Statistical information plays a majorrole in social learning”
Source: Kushnir, T., Xu, F. & Wellman, H. M. (2010). Young children
use statistical sampling to infer the preferences of other
people. Psychological Science, 21, 1134-1140.
Prioritize Your Character Legacy
Five minutes of reflection... Using your Character Qualities
Worksheet, circle 10 character qualities of highest importance to you
Consider season of your life as a family and select top 3 qualities that you want to strengthen in your child(ren) this year If parenting with a partner, compare &
look for overlap If you are struggling to decide, consider
what habits are most challenging and select the opposite character trait
5
End
Put Plan into Action
Write in first three character qualities in the first column on your Cultivating Character Calendar Or on a receipt
Translate a Quality into Habit
Goal Two: Create space for each family to define SPECIFIC habits of character that they wish to encourage
Only 8% of people are successful at keeping their New Year’s resolutions however those with specific resolutions are 10x more likely to meet their goals
Source: University of Scranton. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2014
Define the Habit
Use next 10 minutes to write down concrete (i.e. act-out-able) definitions of what each character quality would look like in action in your family
Look for a specific, developmentally-appropriate action to practice Toddler: “I demonstrate patience when I sit & wait
when asked for 30 seconds without getting up.” 3/6: “I demonstrate patience when I quietly play with my Special Box toys while mom is on the
phone.” 6/9: “I demonstrate patience by making a paper
chain to count down to special events.”
10
End
“We can do hard things!”
Create a lovely visual reminder & display it at your child’s height in your home. It may include: Character quality Definition of the habit Ideas on the back
model read aloud role play celebrate
Practice Happy
Goal Three: Enrich daily practices at home that will result in meaningful & measurable outcomes.
“Research has shown that the most effective way to reduce problem behavior in children is to strengthen desirable behavior through positive reinforcement rather than trying to weaken undesirable behavior using aversive
or negative processes.” Sidney W. Bijou, Ph.D.
A Deliciously Happy Month
“Let the month of treatment be a deliciously happy month to him, he living all the time in the sunshine of his mother’s smile. Let him not be left to himself to meditate or carry out ugly pranks. Let him feel himself always under a watchful, loving, and approving eye. Keep him happily occupied, well amused. All this, to break the old custom which is assuredly broken when a certain length of time goes by without its repetition. But one habit drives out another. Lay new lines in the old place. Open avenues of kindness for him. Let him enjoy, daily, hourly, the pleasure of pleasing. Get him into the way of making little plots for the pleasure of the rest—a plaything of his contriving, a dish of strawberries of his gathering, shadow rabbits to amuse the baby; take him on kind errands to poor neighbours, carrying and giving of his own. For a whole month the child’s whole heart is flowing out in deeds and schemes and thoughts of lovingkindness, and the ingenuity which spent itself in malicious tricks becomes an acquisition to his family when his devices are benevolent” (Charlotte Mason, Vol. 2, pp. 86, 87).
Practice Happy
Model. Children should see you authentically engaging in the character quality.
Read Aloud. Read or tell stories that showcase the real-life value of a particular character trait.
Role Play. Create FUN invitations to practice using the new skills. Personal exercise & experience trump lectures!
Celebrate. Flip the “go to the principal’s office” paradigm. Celebrate the good & highlight the natural positive consequences. image via nurturingparentsandteachers.com
Model
Dr. Montessori reminds us: “Do not tell them how to do it. Show them how to do it and do not say a word. If you tell them they will watch your lips move. If you show them, they will want to do it themselves.”
image via pbskids.org
Read Aloud
Select a new story to enhance your library that showcases the character quality Consider using library
books, a Starring You How To Story, video clip or personal anecdotes
Books should be beautiful & have literary merit on their own
Role Play
“Teach by teaching, not by correcting” – Montessori
Role plays give children to “try on” new behavior outside the context of real life
Do NOT do role plays during the tricky situation
Do NOT do role plays right after the tricky situation
Do NOT practice the challenging behavior Children get good at what they practice
Celebrate
Select a meaningful way for your family to celebrate demonstration of the character quality for the month 3/6: Extra just me &
mom time after phone call
6/9: Special outing with dad to zoo after week of waiting
Take 5 to Practice Happy DAILY Aim for 5 minutes of daily practice with
each child on most days Set a microwave or phone timer Doesn’t have to be fancy – in fact fancy
often interferes with fun It should be experienced as fun &
exciting! Talk with talkers, draw with drawers, act with
actors, sing with singers… Role play, sing, read aloud, illustrate, or just
play and consciously model the habit
Goal 4: Make the New Way Work!
Turn the principal
office upside down!
Attention for good, boring if
bad, make new way
work
New Road Analogy
If the new behavior works better than the old behavior, the child will use the new behavior!
While the child is learning, you can help her chose the new way: Prompt to Prevent – Be a detour sign, show
him which way to go BEFORE he gets lost Close the Old Road – Whenever possible, make
sure the bad behavior doesn’t work anymore Sweeten the Pot – Make the new road more
fun by celebrating success
ABCs of Behavior Change
Encouraged
"A child who has become master of his acts through long and repeated exercises, and who has been encouraged by the pleasant and interesting activities in which he has been engaged, is a child filled with health and joy and remarkable for his calmness and discipline." (Dr. Maria Montessori, 'The Discovery of the Child', Clio Press Ltd, 92)
Quarterly.Schedule Character Planning Time
Schedule a child-free time every three months for an hour of Character Legacy Planning & Review
Review Character Qualities Worksheet & select 3 to target
It is okay to stick with same three qualities
Consider using google invitation reminders
image via photo.elsoar.com
One Down, Three to Go!
Use the rest of the time tonight as your first Character Legacy Planning Time Identify three qualities Define three habits Brainstorm ways to practice happy each of
those habits Write down how to make each habit work in
your home Please leave your email address if you would
like a friendly reminder from me to help your own new habit stick!
Character Qualities Resources
Character First: www.characterfirst.com/qualities/ Josephson Institute: www.charactercounts.org/sixpillars.html Character Education Partnership: www.character.org/ Picture Book Recommendations:
www.apsva.us/cms/lib2/VA01000586/Centricity/Domain/287/character-traits-hfj.pdf
Ask your child’s classroom teacher for reading recommendations Visit the biehus blog: www.biehus.wordpress.org Resources drawn from religious texts meaningful to your family http://prekandksharing.blogspot.com/2013/12/all-things-
character-education.html
Intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character... that is the true goal of education. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Krista Keintzbiehus.wordpress.com