creative circle media€¦ · web view2019/07/30 · stahrs hopes to influence young boys and...

STAHRS STudent Athletes for Healthy RelationshipSAnti-Bullying / Inter-Personal Violence Curriculum

Drafted 8/21/18

STAHRS was developed to address the various forms of violence affecting our schools and explain where it comes from. This includes bullying, dating violence, general disrespect of women, vandalism, substance abuse and shootings.

STAHRS hopes to influence young boys and girls to be more conscious, compassionate, and considerate to EVERYBODY! STAHRS hopes to create ambassadors of positive peer cultures to shift the dynamics within their schools.

STAHRS Against Violence (participants / ambassadors) will be more socially conscious and confident. STAHRS ambassadors will have the courage and confidence to address issues as they see and hear them. They will speak out to support their peers and encourage their friends to stand up against bullying and victimization of others. STHARS Against Violence will seek support from appropriate adults and teachers to address issues.

STAHRS Against Violence will encourage inclusion and acceptance of others, regardless of the personal differences that make us all unique. STAHRS Against Violence will be more compassionate because they will understand the issues causing deep internal pains of those victimized, scared, and socially isolated.

STAHRS Against Violence- participants will understand the importance of the STAHRS Core Values: Respect Integrity

Equality TrustTeamwork BalancedResponsible

STAHRS hopes to teach statistics about the prevalence of violence against others of various forms, including domestic violence and sexual assaults. STAHRS will explain the negative effects and issues associated with such unhealthy dynamics and traumas.

STAHRS will highlight the importance of boundaries and teach about the “myths” that men have often used to perpetuate the problems.


Drafted 8/21/18

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her – and a man who compliments her.

A man who spends money on her – and a man who invests in her.

A man who view her as property – and a man who views her properly.

A man who lusts after her – and a man who loves her.

A man who believes he is God’s gift to women – and a man who remembers a woman was God’s gift to man.

Then teach our boys to be that kind of man.

Anonymous

You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance.

You don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behaviors and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and “continues” to treat you in a harmful way, then they need to go.

Daniel Koepke


Drafted 8/21/18

What is???

Bullying- Where does it come from? Why does a person bully someone else?

Dating Violence- What is dating violence? Is it physical? Is it emotional? Is it mental? Is it verbal? Why do people fight in their relationships? Why do we get angry?

What other ways do men and boys disrespect women and girls- When does it start? What do we teach young boys ands girls about dating and the meaning of teasing, etc.?

Vandalism- Why do young men vandalize property? What drives these behaviors?

Substance Abuse- What do we learn about drinking and drug use while growing up? What are the contradictions? What are the future consequences?


Drafted 8/21/18

The Challenges:

Recognition to take a Time Out- this also requires changing how we think about conflict.

Identify the issues factually and do not spin it.

Identify the best way to express your needs and feelings. Write it down if you have to.

Remain calm and in control once you begin talking. Use breaks to disengage and keep things calm during a difficult conversation if necessary.


Drafted 8/21/18

ANGER needs to be a warning sign that something is not right.

This may be a boundary violation, your expectations are not met, or your needs are not met.

The process of controlling emotions involves insight and recognition that your level of agitation is increasing.

A Time Out or a break from the conflict allows us to disengage, calm down, and figure out what is wrong in our minds.

What are NEEDS?!


Drafted 8/21/18

What are Feelings? What are Emotions? What’s the difference?What are you trying to express when angry?

Most men are taught to ignore and hide their feelings. Men and women raised in tough, harsh, punishing or silent homes tend to have very poor communication skills. They’ve developed negative beliefs about communication such as “nobody cares about my opinion (me)” or “It’s unsafe or dangerous to talk about problems.” The lack of communication and high expressed emotions cause more problems and conflict.


Drafted 8/21/18

“The key to a healthy relationship is communication….”

But what do you need to communicate? And how?EMOTIONAL ICEBERG

I FEEL STATEMENTS….I feel (insert emotion here) ___,When you (insert behavior here)___, Because (this varies)____.

And what about the thinking????!Negative beliefs about communication.Negative expectations of the intentions and actions of others.Negative thoughts about oneself.


Drafted 8/21/18

Cognitive Distortions reflect how we think based on our interpretations of the events and experiences happening around us. Basic distortions cloud what’s real and become our reality by which we react to.

DEFINITIONS OF COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS 1. ALL OR NOTHING THINKING: You see things in black and white categories. If your

performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

2. OVERGENERALIZATION: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat; a negative mindset where everything is interpreted negatively.

3 . MENTAL FILTER: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your

vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of w a t e r .

4. DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting they

"do not count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.

5. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.

Mind reading. You make false assumptions. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don't bother to check this out.

The Fortune Teller Error. You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you fell convinced that your prediction is an already established fact.

6. MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION: You exaggerate the

importance of things (such as your goof up or someone else's achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear t i ny (your own des i rab l e qual i t i e s or t he o ther fel low 's imperfections). This is also called the "binocular trick."

7. EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions

necessarily reflect the way things really are "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

8. SHOULD / MUST STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with “should” and “shouldn’t” as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Must” and "ought" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment when they fail to meet your rules or expectations.

9. LABLING AND MISLABELING: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of

describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I am a looser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: "He’s a snake!” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.

10. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in

fact you were not primarily responsible for . Th es e b a s i c c o gn i t iv e d i s t o r t i on s a r e h i g h l y a s so ci a t e d w i t h d ep res s i on , anx i e t y, a n ge r , l ow s e l f - e s t eem , b l am i n g o f o th er s , v i c t im iz i n g o t he r s as we l l a s be i n g v i c t i miz ed . T he y a r e a s so c i a t ed w i t h n e ga t iv e b e l i e f s t h a t k e ep u s p o we r l es s t o c h a nge a nd p rev e nt u s f rom s e t t i n g h e a l th y b o un d ar i e s a n d ex p ec t i n g o th e r s t o c h an ge t h e i r n eg a t i v e b eh av io r s .


Drafted 8/21/18

We all need to play a bit of Sherlock Holmes with ourselves. What am I thinking? Where is the proof? Is this how everybody would view it? Are there other explanations to what I assume?

Fear can motivate us positively, or to react negatively.

Insecurities, such as jealousy and envy, are fears of loss and inadequacy. Feeling attacked & criticized for being differentFeeling unimportant & ignoredFeeling abandoned & rejectedThese feelings can be created by parents, peers, and teachersHumans tend to fear differences and therefore tend to attack them as groups.

Conflict Styles: Conflict avoidant vs conflict “friendly”Volatile vs ValidatingCombinations and how they mesh

Nature vs NurturePersonality Styles: Passive vs aggressive

What is passive-aggressiveSTAHRS STudent Athletes for Healthy RelationshipSAnti-Bullying / Inter-Personal Violence Curriculum

Drafted 8/21/18

Behaviors are an attempt to change how we feel. We act / react to change the situation at hand. We might seek companionship when we feel lonely. We may want to run and hide when conflict arises. Or, we may act aggressively to take control of a situation.

Bullying is a set of behaviors to feel strong and powerful and to overcome the negative thoughts about the self. Most men cannot accept feeling afraid and hide it with aggression. Some use passive methods of coping.

Eating disorders are a set of behaviors intended to alleviate negative thoughts and feelings about the self. Most girls with eating disorders feel pressured to be perfect by their mothers. Other patterns at home make them feel inadequate and worthless. Controlling food intake with anorexia is an attempt to escape anxieties.

The cultures of modeling, dance, beauty pageants, and gymnastics can accentuate the demands to be small and petite. Often parents regretting their perceived inadequacies, failures and self-esteem issues, may pressure kids to achieve more than they did.

Substance abuse is a set of behavioral patterns to escape mental, emotional, and often physical pains associated with their home lives AND experiences at school for many too.


Drafted 8/21/18

We teach people how to treat us. When we act passive and scared, aggressive bullies want to take advantage and take control.

When we act aggressive, we invite aggression to come back at us, which reinforces the need to fight and defend oneself. Or, we make people to back away in fear when we act aggressive. This why many angry people find weak, timid partners to control and dominate.

Assertiveness is the cure. Assertiveness is the internal strength of confidence and positive self-esteem. Assertive individuals set boundaries for self-protection, and know how to confidently seek help, or stand up for themselves by talking through the issues. Assertive individuals seek help from others to address bullying and other forms of violence. Healthy communication and conflict resolution skills are hallmarks of assertive people.

Bullies and abusers will eventually back down when confronted by a stronger force, such as confident people who set boundaries and refuse to take the abuses. Also, confident people refuse to stick around and take abuses. They know they have the right to leave the situation.

The STAHRS Core Values are only a small sample of the positive characteristics and traits we need to exemplify as citizens of our schools and communities. Accepting and valuing others, ESPECIALLY for their differences, is critical to peaceful environments and reduction of pains and traumas. People feeling rejected and broken often turn to substance abuse and abusive relationships to go numb and have a place to be. Sad really… We want to turn BITTER into BETTIRR (“better”).


Drafted 8/21/18

STudent Athletes for Healthy RelationshipS

Please share our FB fundraisers

Join our Facebook group-STAHRS Against Violence

Please visit www.STAHRS.orgfor more information on how you

can help.


Drafted 8/21/18

creative circle media€¦ · web view2019/07/30 · stahrs hopes to influence young boys and...

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