connect group leaders manual · what is our mission at red door? 1 how do we believe that we will...

CONNECT GROUP LEADERS MANUALJANUARY 2018

PART 1: INTRODUCTION TO CONNECT GROUPS 1

Red Door’s Vision: Core Values and Beliefs 1 What is our mission at Red Door? 1 How do we believe that we will achieve this mission? 1 What core values do we hold to? 2 What core DNA do we each need to fulfil this mission? 3

Connect Group Summary 3 What is a Connect Group? 3 What is the purpose of Connect Groups? 3 What is the structure of our Connect Group Ministry? 4 What types of Connect Groups are there? 4 How do people get involved in a Connect Group? 4 How do Connect Groups operate once formed? 5

PART 2: THE CONNECT GROUP LEADER 6

The Art of Shepherding 6

The Qualifications of a Connect Group Leader 6

Commitments of a Connect Group Leader 6

Roles & Responsibilities 7 Self-Leadership 7 Setting the vision for your Connect Group 7 Setting the Ground Rules for your Connect Group 9 Developing potential Leaders and multiplying new Connect Groups 9

PART 3: CONNECT GROUP DYNAMICS 12

The Art of Leading a Connect Group 12 Facilitating healthy group discussion 12 Active Listening 14 Conflict Resolution 15

Troubleshooting: Common Problems 16

PART 4: PASTORAL CARE & SUPPORT 19

Where Does Your Help Come From? 19 Connect Group Coordinator 19 Connect Pastor 19 Training 20

Communication 20 Realm 20

Troubleshooting: Following-up Those Who Fall Through the Cracks 20

Troubleshooting: Referral of Troubled and Troubling People 22

PART 1: INTRODUCTION TO CONNECT GROUPS

The purpose of this document is to equip you, our Connect Group Leaders, in the incredibly vital role of leading and facilitating Connect Groups at The Red Door. As a church we simply can not fulfil our God given mission without the existence of healthy Connect Groups - small group contexts where our church Family Members are able to experience life transforming relationship and discipleship. As a Connect Leader you have the privilege, the opportunity, and the responsibility of creating a space where people are able to know God more deeply, follow Him more passionately, and be transformed more into the image of Jesus. And the beautiful and profound truth of true discipleship, which is the foundational purpose of Connect Groups, is that as you pour yourself out in the pursuit of discipling others, you yourself can not help but be transformed. Connect Groups, when healthy and biblical, are a powerful means of experiencing God - His grace and His life transforming power. Why wouldn’t you want to be a part of this?

Our hope and our prayer is that you, as a Connect Leader, would be encouraged, equipped and inspired by what is contained in this Leaders Manual. In the pages that follow you will see outlined information on who we are as church. This information is foundational in forming the culture and purpose of your Connect Group. You will also find all manner of practical information intended to help you lead your group well and to prepare and equip you for what to do when challenges arise. In addition there is also information that will hopefully make clear to you the systems of support that are in place to help encourage you along the way.

Finally we just want to say thank you. Thank you for stepping up and not shrinking back. Being a Connect Group Leader is a big commitment and we recognise that. We are both grateful and encouraged by your willingness to love and serve your church family in this way. What you do is a vital component in helping Red Door become a healthy and thriving Christian community that is truly a light to the world around us.

RED DOOR’S VISION: CORE VALUES AND BELIEFS

As stated above, Connect Groups are a vital component to who we are at Red Door. Without healthy, biblical Connect Groups it is not possible for us as a church to fulfil the mission God has given us. It is therefore imperative that our Connect Groups understand and embody our mission and core values.

What follows is taken from our Family Membership handbook.

WHAT IS OUR MISSION AT RED DOOR? __________________________________________ Matthew 6:10 To see His Kingdom come, His will done, on earth as it is in heaven.

HOW DO WE BELIEVE THAT WE WILL ACHIEVE THIS MISSION? __________________________________________ Mark 12:30-31 Love the Lord our God with all our heart and with all our soul and with all our mind and with all our strength, and love our neighbour as ourselves.

CONNECT GROUP LEADERS MANUAL PAGE 1

WHAT CORE VALUES DO WE HOLD TO?

Alongside our Values, our Doctrinal Beliefs, are also an important part in gaining an understanding of who we are as a church. Specifically our doctrinal beliefs are our core, foundational understandings of what the Bible has to say about God, humanity, salvation, the Kingdom, fellowship, the Bible, stewardship, family, prayer, baptism and communion. These can be found in our Family Membership handbook and on our website. It is our expectation that all Connect Group Leaders, as Family Members, agree with these core, foundational beliefs.


PRAYERWe are a house of prayer.

We are people of prayer who seek God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind.

REDEEMWe are unashamed of the gospel.

We will do all we can to see precious people led into the Kingdom of God.

FAMILYWe are the family of God doing life together in faith.We all have a part to play in God’s unfolding story.

SERVANTS We are spiritual contributors not spiritual consumers.

We humbly love and serve one another and those beyond our doors.

AUTHENTICThe power of transparency is far greater than the power of perfection.

We bring our absolute ‘broken’ best to all that we do.

GENEROUSEverything we have is a gift, so we can freely give.

Generosity is not what we do, it’s who we are.

UNITYWe believe in the local church and will do all we can to see the body of Christ thrive.

No one church can reach an entire city, but together we can.

JOYWe will laugh hard, loud and often.

As free people there is nothing is more fun than to serve God with the people you love.

VALUES

WHAT CORE DNA DO WE EACH NEED TO FULFIL THIS MISSION?

CONNECT GROUP SUMMARY

__________________________________________ Mark 12:28-31 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

This scripture, mentioned previously, is our strategy at Red Door and tells us that what is most important in our lives is our relationship with God and our relationships with one another. That is what the church is all about. At Red Door the most effective way to cultivate and develop these relationships is in our Connect Groups.

WHAT IS A CONNECT GROUP?

A Connect Group is a gathering of 6 to 12 people (ideally, but can start with as few as 4 people) who meet in homes throughout Perth during the week. Most Connect Groups at Red Door meet on a fortnightly basis, although weekly gatherings are greatly encouraged. In Connect Groups people come to know God and experience His presence, community is developed and fostered, and people are cared for, equipped and released for God’s work in the world. They provide a context for friendship, support, practical love and service, a place to learn about the Christian faith, prayer and sharing of what we see God doing in our midst. They are led by trained leaders from our church who are given on going support.

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF CONNECT GROUPS?

The purpose of Connect Groups is to provide participants with a consistent environment in which they can enjoy authentic community and experience spiritual growth.

The goal of Connect Groups is therefore both relationship and discipleship. Two of the innate needs that we all have are to belong and become. Connect groups provide such a place of belonging where people are known and get to know others, as well as being a place where spiritual, social and emotional maturity can be developed. Connect Groups exist as a means for people to engage in biblical community that helps them become more like Jesus in every area of their lives.


TRUTHWe hold onto the word of God and live with integrity.As disciples of Christ, we make disciples of Christ.

[ John 1:14, John 8:32 , John 14:6, John 17:17, John 18:37, Ephesians 4:15 ]

LOVEWe are people of acceptance, forgiveness and belongingAs those who have been forgiven much, we love much.

[ Luke 7:47, Philemon 1:9, 1Corinthians 13:2, Ephesians 4:15, 1Peter 1:22 ]

FAITH IN JESUS CHRISTThe work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.

In Christ all things hold together.

[ John 6:29, Luke 17:5-6, Luke 8:22-25, Romans 10:17, Ephesians 4:4-6, Hebrews 11:1-6, Colossians 1:17, 2Corinthians 5:7 ]

DNA

Alongside the purposes of relationship and discipleship, Connect Groups are also places where people who are seeking truth can be invited and encouraged to enter into a relationship with Jesus Christ. Connect Groups also then have an evangelistic purpose. They serve as a place where we remind one another of our call to share the gospel and pray for those with whom we are sharing the Good News.

Connect Groups also serve the vital goal of being the frontline for pastoral care at Red Door. For the size church that we are it is impossible for our Pastors and Leaders to meet all the pastoral needs of our community and we therefore need healthy Connect Groups in order to provide care and encouragement for those who call Red Door home.

Finally, the purpose of Connect Groups is multiplication. Connect Groups are a place for future leaders to be recognised and developed. It is therefor important that groups have a vision for multiplying new groups and developing new leaders.

WHAT IS THE STRUCTURE OF OUR CONNECT GROUP MINISTRY?

The above diagram demonstrates the structure of Connect Groups. Each Connect Group has a Connect Coordinator who is there to provide them with mentorship and support. These Coordinators are in turn trained, encouraged and supported by the Connect Pastor. Each Connect Coordinator is responsible for up to 5 Connect Groups.

WHAT TYPES OF CONNECT GROUPS ARE THERE?

Youth ‘Life’ Groups (which meet during Youth at the Sunday Arvo Service) Young Adults Groups Family Groups (groups with young children) Adult Groups Men’s Groups Women’s Groups Alpha Groups

HOW DO PEOPLE GET INVOLVED IN A CONNECT GROUP?

There are 3 possible avenues: Invitation – Connect Group Leaders and members are encouraged to approach friends or people they meet at church or social gatherings and invite them to attend their group.

Request – People can indicated their interest in joining a Connect Group through the church’s website, the Red Door app, by filling out a ‘Yes’ card or by contacting the church office. These requests received by the Connect Pastor and then forwarded to the appropriate Connect Group Leader. This is usually determined by stage of life and where they live. Connect Group Leaders are encouraged to first meet with the person individually and they can then together determine whether the group is appropriate for them.

Start a new group – If someone has the desire to lead their own Connect Group they can contact the Connect Pastor to express their interest. The Connect Pastor will then determine whether they are


GROUP CO-ORDINATOR

CG CG CG CG CG

CONNECT PASTOR

GROUP CO-ORDINATOR GROUP CO-ORDINATOR

CG CG CG CG CG CG CG CG CG CG

able to start a group immediately or whether they should first go through Connect Group Leader training before making a final decision.

HOW DO CONNECT GROUPS OPERATE ONCE FORMED?

Once a new group has formed, the leader of that Group has the option to “close” the group and communicate with their Connect Group Coordinator that they are ‘full’. The people within the group need time to form connections, build relationships and identify future leaders. However, after a period of 12 months (max.) the leader will ‘re-open’ the group to new participants with the view to release new leaders and form new groups. There are various ways and strategies to do this, and your Connect Group Pastor along with the Area Pastor will help assess the best way forward for your group.

Groups are encouraged, at a minimum, to meet fortnightly on a day and at a time the Connect Group Leader determines is most appropriate for that group.

As much as Connect Groups are about connecting with one another they are not just a social group. Their intention as stated above is that they would not simply be a place of community but also a place of discipleship where people are encouraged in their relationship with God and in the journey of becoming more like Christ. In terms of format and content therefore, Connect Groups are encouraged to have a focus on the Word and prayer. To facilitate this, Connect Group Notes are available each fortnight. These notes incorporate discussion questions and activities related to the message shared during the previous fortnights services. There will also be video based content available from series such as Basic, Follow Me, Forgotten God, and others. All of this content is available at www.thereddoor.cc/connect. For any Connect Group wishing to do so, the Alpha Course material is also available.


PART 2: THE CONNECT GROUP LEADER

THE ART OF SHEPHERDING __________________________________________ 1 Peter 5:2-4 Here’s my concern: that you care for God’s flock with all the diligence of a shepherd. Not because you have to, but because you want to please God. Not calculating what you can get out of it, but acting spontaneously. Not bossily telling others what to do, but tenderly showing them the way. When God, who is the best shepherd of all, comes out in the open with his rule, he’ll see that you’ve done it right and commend you lavishly.

Because leading a Connect Group is a shepherding role, it is important to say a few words about what it means to be a shepherd. A shepherd is someone who is passionate about God and compassionate towards people. The above scripture makes this clear. Being a Connect Group Leader isn’t about telling a group of people what you know, it’s about lovingly showing them God. The role of Connect Group Leader is more pastoring orientated than it is teaching orientated.

Connect Group Leaders help to create smaller contexts where people can develop and grow both in their relationship with Jesus Christ and with each other. Group Leaders have the privilege of shaping spaces in which seeds of faith are planted and watered in the lives of those they lead, while trusting God for resulting growth.

As a Connect Group Leader you will fulfil a vital role by actively participating in our shared mission to see God’s kingdom come and His will being done. And since Connect Group Leaders play such an important part in the life of the church and in the lives of those they lead, we take great care in ensuring that each one understands the role of a leader, the required ‘qualifications’ and ongoing expectations.

THE QUALIFICATIONS OF A CONNECT GROUP LEADER

As stated above, the main role of the Connect Group Leader is that of a shepherd and as such your lifestyle (the way you live out your faith) is crucial. The essential qualifications for a Connect Group Leader are as follows.

Committed follower of Jesus Christ Family Member of the Red Door Regularly attend Red Door Sunday services Have the time, emotional capacity and spiritual maturity to lead a group Have completed the Connect Group Leader Training Course

COMMITMENTS OF A CONNECT GROUP LEADER

Connect Group Leaders are expected to:

Make their daily, living connection with Jesus Christ a priority, as being in community with him is the foundation for all community Lead an exemplary Christian lifestyle—group members watching will see an imperfect, yet obedient servant of Jesus Christ growing in maturity Convene their group regularly Provide care and support for each of their members Assist in the identification and development of potential Connect Group Leaders within their group


Maintain communication with their Connect Group Coordinator and meet with them at least 4 times each year Attend scheduled Connect Group Leader training nights and events Attend Call to Prayer nights on the first Monday of each month Maintain and update Connect Group information on Realm

ROLES & RESPONSIBILITIES

__________________________________________ Romans 12:6-8 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

Throughout the Bible there are records of leaders who allowed God’s plans and purposes to be outworked through their lives. In his letter to the Roman believers, Paul the apostle says that the person who leads should do so with diligence (Rom 12:8). In order to diligently lead your group we suggest that it is necessary to consider the following.

How to lead yourself Setting the vision for your Connect Group Setting the ground rules for your Connect Group Developing potential Connect Group Leaders from within your Connect Group

SELF-LEADERSHIP __________________________________________ Tom Watson, founder of IBM “Nothing so conclusively proves a person’s ability to lead others as what they do from day to day to lead themselves.”

As a Connect Group Leader you cannot give to others what you yourself have not received and you cannot lead others to where you yourself have not been. This means that the first priority for the Connect Group Leader is their own, personal relationship with God and their own discipleship journey toward Christlikeness. __________________________________________ 1 Samuel 30:1-6 David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.

The most important form of leadership is self-leadership. To be an effective Connect Group Leader it is important that you have the ability to lead yourself as well as others. The above scripture reminds us that David was able to accomplish the tasks God set before him because he strengthened himself in the Lord. Leading others, while often deeply rewarding, is sometimes difficult and lonely. It is important that as a Leader you are able, through your commitment to your daily devotional life and personal fellowship with Christ, strengthen yourself in the Lord. From that place you then have an ‘overflow’ to share with others.

SETTING THE VISION FOR YOUR CONNECT GROUP

Without direction and vision, at best your group will become a nice, friendly social club or at worst it will die a slow death. It is therefore imperative that you as the Connect Group Leader consider the question, ‘what is the vision for my group?’ A vision is simply a statement of the functional purpose of your Connect Group.

While it can take a little time, thought and prayer to develop a vision statement for your Connect Group, it is well worth the effort. A clearly articulated vision will help to encourage a culture of commitment with your Connect Group, as well as a sense of purpose.


Some questions to consider in developing a Connect Group Vision Statement: What is the mission of Red Door and how can our Connect Group support it? What is God saying to me about the purpose for my Connect Group? What desires or burdens has God laid on my heart in regard to leading a Connect Group? Do we want to be missional – engage in service beyond our group?

An example of a Connect Group Vision Statement might be as follows:Extracted from ‘Every Small Group Needs a Vision’ by Marshall Segal at www.desiringgod.org

1. Know and serve one another persistently. (1 Thess 2:7–8; Heb 3:12–13) Week-in and week-out, we will work to know each other more and more deeply — sharing our hearts and lives, praying for one another, asking questions, and bearing each other’s burdens. We will be persistent learners of one another. And with everything we learn — good, bad, or otherwise — we will strive to love and serve one another — meeting each other’s needs, encouraging growth, and helping one another thrive.

2. Depend on the Lord prayerfully. (Phil 4:6–7; Heb 4:14–16) Prayer will be the regular, visible engine of our community. We need God every hour, every minute of every hour, so prayer will be our means to everything. We will look to God for everything we need, never taking his provision for granted. When we’re alone and when we’re together, we will be a people of prayer — always adoring, always confessing, always thanking, always asking.

3. Meet God through his Word faithfully and expectantly. (Psalm 19:7–11; 2 Peter 1:3–4) The Bible will play a central role in our community because it holds the words of life. We need those pages more than we need food, and there are always more riches to be seen, enjoyed, and applied in our lives. We read faithfully — meaning regularly and with the eyes of faith — and we read expectantly — anticipating God to speak and move each time we open his book.

4. Pursue disciples for Jesus boldly and globally. (Matt 28:19–20; Acts 1:8) Our commission from Jesus is clear: Go, and make disciples. God saved us in order to send us. We are lights in a world of darkness that is desperately in need. We are God’s chosen means of spreading good news and winning worship for himself in every corner of this earth. Therefore, we are to be bold where we are, and we are to be behind what God is doing among the nations. We will witness for Jesus where we are, and send and support witnesses where we are not.

5. Rest in the gospel confidently and humbly. (Rom 8:1, 32, 37–39; 1 Cor 15:1–4) Everything we think, say, and do as a small group stands on the firm foundation of the gospel. We have been saved by grace through faith, wholly apart from anything we have done or earned. We do not deserve God’s love, but in Christ we have it. We want our relationships, our meetings, and our ministry together to be shaped by and soaked with the gospel. This message should produce the boldest confidence and courage, and it should produce the most tender and compassionate humility.

6. Work out our salvation soberly and joyfully. (Phil 2:12–13; Gal 5:1, 13, 25) Lastly, we are committed to living more and more like Christ. It is the joyful privilege of God’s people to be conformed to the image of his Son. It is not pretty or easy, but it is undeniably good and important. Year by year, week by week, even day by day, we will be identifying areas of weakness or failure, receiving forgiveness because of the finished work of Christ, and then working together for change.

Your Connect Group Vision Statement need not be as comprehensive or as detailed as this, however taking the time to prayerfully consider a Vision Statement for your Connect Group is well worth the time and effort. People are motivated and encouraged by vision and when people are motivated and encouraged they are a joy to lead.


SETTING THE GROUND RULES FOR YOUR CONNECT GROUP

While establishing a Vision and a big picture for your Connect Group is important, so is establishing and communicating the more practical details. This means considering the answers to the following questions and communicating these to your group so that everyone is clear on what the expectations for your Connect Group are.

Questions to answer: When, where and how often will our Connect Group meet? What is the format of our Connect Group?

- Do we gather over a meal and if so who provides the meal? - Do we have a time of worship? - What is our start and finish time?

What is the expectation if Connect Group members have children? How do we communicate – text, email, Facebook, Realm? How do we handle conflict if and when it arises? What are the expectations in group discussion?

- I.e. what will happen if someone talks too much? How are new people introduced and included into the Connect Group? When and how will we multiply our Connect Group? How will we establish expectations surrounding confidentiality?

Clearly defining and communicating expectations for your Connect Group will help keep everyone on the same page and is also invaluable in mitigating inevitable tensions and conflicts within your Connect Group.

DEVELOPING POTENTIAL LEADERS AND MULTIPLYING NEW CONNECT GROUPS __________________________________________ Carl George “No matter how good the preaching or worship is in a particular church, unless people are involved in some kind of small group fellowship they will leave a local church in 2 to 3 years and move onto the next.”

In order for newcomers to Red Door to become a part of the community, they need to be connected to a small group. It is therefore important that Leaders are developed from within Connect Groups, that Connect Groups are multiplying on a consistent basis and that people are being invited to join existing Connect Groups.

Identifying and Training an Apprentice Leader Leadership is the crucial resource in the church for it to grow both in maturity and outreach. Therefore one of the most crucial roles of the Connect Group Leader is the identification and the development of future potential Connect Group Leaders. This means that from the outset of your Connect Group you are on the lookout for those within your group whom you believe have the potential to lead. As a Connect Group Leader one of your roles is to be praying that God would raise up new leaders as Jesus makes clear in the following verses from Matthew’s Gospel. __________________________________________ Matthew 9:37-38 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

These are the steps towards appointing an apprentice Leader in your Group.

1. IDENTIFY How do you identify a potential Leader? Look for someone who:

Has a passion for God and a compassion for people Has a teachable spirit and a servant heart Regularly attends the Group and church services Once you’ve identified one or two people discuss with your Connect Group Coordinator to gain their input


2. MENTOR Once you’ve identified someone then make the invitation to them to be your Apprentice Leader. If they agree then consider the following as a way to develop their leadership skills.

Gradually give them some responsibility within the Group – i.e. leading the prayer time or worship time Spend time debriefing with them after your Connect Group meeting to give them feedback and encouragement

3. APPOINT If after giving your apprentice additional responsibility and in communication with your Connect Group Coordinator you feel they have the required traits to be a Connect Group Leader then communicate this appointment to your Connect Group. From this time encourage your Apprentice to take more responsibility in the leading of the Group.

4. RELEASE If your Apprentice has consistently shown a potential ability to lead a Connect Group then the next step is for them to complete the Connect Group Leader training with a view to starting their own Connect Group. The Release stage involves preparing to release the Apprentice into leadership and also any of your current Connect Group members who will begin a new group with them.

Multiplying your Connect Group is a challenging but necessary and exciting aspect to being a Connect Leader. Three aspects to consider when it comes to multiplying your Connect Group are; one, casting a vision for multiplication; two, how to release members into a new Group; and three, the potential obstacles to multiplication.

1. CASTING A VISION FOR MULTIPLICATION

If you’re going to be successful at recruiting and developing apprentices and multiplying groups, then you will need to cast a vision that will make people enthusiastic and committed to these things from the outset. Where people don’t have a vision for multiplication they will resist it. It is human nature to want to stay with what is known and comfortable.

Remember, at Red Door, we aren’t concerned with multiplying groups for the sake of it. The end goal is to be able to provide a safe and healthy context for community, pastoral care and discipleship for those who are a part of our church. As long as we have too few groups our church will not be as effective as we might be.

Casting a vision for multiplication should happen regularly within your Group. Examples of vision casting: Extracted from Redeemer Presbyterian Church, Fellowship Group Handbook

Community and Christian Maturity. “By the way, it is important to remind ourselves as a group from time to time that one of our goals is to multiply. Because we believe that people do not grow into Christian maturity apart from caring Christian community, we desire to see our group multiply, so that Red Door’s circle of care can expand to include everyone in our congregation.” Importance of pastoral care. “It is good to remember that one of our goals as a group is to grow new groups. Because Red Door wants Connect Groups to be the front-line of pastoral care, it is important for the number of groups to increase in order to provide for people coming into the church. The best way for new groups to begin is for existing groups to develop new leaders and start them.” Reaching newcomers. “New groups attract new people. Old groups typically do not attract new people because individuals tend to feel closed out of them. When we multiply groups, which is a vision we need to keep before us, we not only create new groups but we renew our group so that it is more open to newcomers. Newcomers are then able to receive the same benefits from group life that we receive.” Participation and size. “Our group has grown to a size in which it’s difficult for everyone to participate in the conversation in a substantial way. Yet it’s that ability to participate which gives value to our group experience. For that reason, and also because so many people at Red Door don’t have the opportunity to participate in groups at all, it is important that we give thought to multiplying our group.”


2. HOW TO RELEASE MEMBERS INTO A NEW GROUP

It is important to discuss with your Connect Group, when the time comes, what’s the best way to multiply. This will depend on a number of factors and is best done in consultation with your Connect Group Coordinator. The key question to be determined is who will stay with the current Group and who will be released to start a new Connect Group? Often within a Connect Group there will naturally form sub-groups within the group that will help to answer this question. The key is communication within the Group.

3. POTENTIAL OBSTACLES TO MULTIPLYING

The main obstacle you will face is that multiplication can often be perceived as a “split”, and a potentially emotionally painful event. People naturally want to stay together and preserve the relationships they have. As the Leader, do not be surprised if you experience some resistance when it comes time to multiply. To overcome this obstacle it is important that multiplication is an expectation that is consistently communicated in your Connect Group. Prayer as group around this issue is vital so that people can hear from God and be united.


PART 3: CONNECT GROUP DYNAMICS

THE ART OF LEADING A CONNECT GROUP

A healthy Connect Group involves 5 essential ingredients:

1. Worship: Praising God for who he is and what he has done. 2. Bible Study: Learning and applying God’s word to everyday life. 3. Fellowship: Building supportive, mutually accountable relationships. 4. Prayer: Listening to and sharing intimately with God, interceding for others and God’s work in the

world. 5. Mission: Impacting our community and sharing the Gospel.

All five of these ingredients may not be present at every meeting but overall it is important for your Connect Group to consistently include all of them.

FACILITATING HEALTHY GROUP DISCUSSION

Leading a Connect Group requires you to pay attention to the dynamics of the group as a unit, carefully weighing the needs of the different individuals against the goals for the group. This requires you to be a facilitator, not a teacher. Connect Group Leaders can often fall into the belief that they are there to teach their group when in fact the key role of the Leader is to facilitate discussion and to lead people to discover the truth of scripture for themselves.

The following table highlights some differences between teaching and facilitating.

A helpful tool when considering how to effectively facilitate discussion within your Connect Group is the acronym ACTS (Acknowledge, Clarify, Take to the group, Summarise).

Acknowledge everyone who speaks during a discussion - “Thanks for sharing on that topic”, or “That’s an interesting way of looking at it.” Clarify what is being said and felt – “Let me see if I understand what you are saying?” and paraphrase back what the person has said. Take it to the group as a means of generating discussion – “What does anyone else think about what was just said?” Summarise what has been said – “So far it seems like we have been saying…”, or “John, could you summarise the key parts of what we’ve discussed so far.”

Another key to facilitating healthy discussion is generating the right kinds of questions and offering appropriate responses. Here are some guidelines for the kinds of questions and responses that might help your group engage in meaningful, challenging discussions.

TEACHING FACILITATING

1. Provides Information 2. ‘Fan’ Communication 3. Teacher has the knowledge 4. Points out logical conclusions

1. Provides an Experience 2. ‘Circle’ Communication 3. The Group as the knowledge 4. Conclusions are discovered


Types of Questions

Opening Questions Use an opening question to help the group warm up to each other, get to know one another better, and to let them hear their own voices. Opening questions are speculative and engaging and are designed to generate general conversation.

What challenges have you faced this week? What is it that often causes us to fear being vulnerable with one another? What can we do as a group to diminish this anxiety?

Launching Questions Knowing the goal of the discussion, you can prepare launching questions designed to generate group interaction and feedback around a specific topic or desired goal.

What do we learn from the obstacles Joseph faced and how he overcame them? After hearing tonight’s discussion, we all agree that we are somewhat ‘stuck’. What steps can we take to develop greater trust levels with each other? What do you think was going through Peter’s mind at this time?

Limiting or Closed Questions Usually only require and produce a short answer. They do not promote much discussion or discovery. However, they can help clarify facts.

Would you be tempted in this situation? Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Leading Questions Indicate that you have a specific answer in mind.

What three commands do we find in this passage? What two things does Paul say we must do?

Guiding Questions Even the most prepared leader will need to spontaneously guide discussion at times.

Rephrase the question: You seem to be asking, ‘How can we develop trust as a group?’ Personalise the question: How would you respond to Jesus if He asked you that question? Test for consensus or decision: Are we saying that everyone must obey this command?

Application Questions The goal of the Connect Group study is not just information but transformation. How can we help members apply what they have learned?

What changes will you make this week as a result of our discussion tonight? What difference does this make to you and me? What can you do differently, in light of the discussion we’ve had tonight? Do you feel compelled to change?

If you are using the Connect Group Notes then much of this work has been done to assist you. However this information is still helpful, as group discussion will often go off script, which is when it is particularly helpful to have good facilitation skills.

Responses

How you and other members of the group respond to questions or statements will either foster or fizzle discussion. Here are some tips on how to respond appropriately to questions or comments made by group members.


Be Affirming

Affirming responses acknowledge each person’s value. They promote intimacy and openness. Such responses send a strong signal to group members telling them they have been heard, understood and respected.

- I understand talking about this is painful for you. I feel so sorry about the way you were treated by your boss this week.

- Michael, before we continue, I think it’s important that we listen to what Luke has shared, and attempt to support him during this critical time of decision for Him.

Encourage Participation

The above responses invite others to join in the discussion. They not only affirm a participant’s sharing, but also invite others to engage in the process. Participatory responses do not isolate group members by shaming, embarrassing, or lecturing them.

Sharing Personal Issues & Confidentiality

If someone has shared something deeply personal, rather than being quick to move on, it may be appropriate to ask the person if they would prefer to speak to yourself or someone in private after the formal group time ends. When someone within the group has been through a similar experience, rather than get them to share their experience at that time, you can call on them to pray. These kinds of responses – affirming and participatory - will enable you to value your members while encouraging them to express feelings, thoughts and personal concerns. At these times it may also be prudent to remind the group of the importance of keeping what is discussed within the group confidential. The importance of confidentiality within your Connect Group cannot be overstated. It is vital that your Connect Group be a place where people feel safe to share and to be vulnerable. True transformation can only happen through vulnerability and transparency and one of your key roles, as a Connect Leader, is to create as safe a place as possible for this to happen.

ACTIVE LISTENING

__________________________________________ Stephen Covey Most people do not listen to understand; they listen in order to answer. While the other is talking, they are preparing their reply.

Active listening involves not only what you hear, but also what you say. This means actively engaging with the person who is speaking, setting aside your personal agenda, and keeping yourself from distracting thoughts (particularly thinking about what you are going to say next). Here are some tips for active listening:

What you say - Invite comments from the group - Empathise with people’s emotions - Explore their statements, seeking more information and asking additional questions - Clarify what has been said, paraphrasing when necessary

What you hear

Verbal - The content of what is said. Sometimes we are so interested in what we are about to say that we fail to hear the simple facts in a discussion. As you listen, focus on people’s names, events, dates and other specific information that is being shared. Use the same words they use in clarifying or praying.


Non-verbal - How the content is expressed. Here you are listening for congruity. Do the nonverbal messages match the verbal messages? Listen for this in 3 areas.

- Facial expressions: when someone says, “I’m okay,” does their facial expression actually communicate “I’m a little sad?”

- Tone of Voice: listen for tones of sarcasm, anger, sadness, enthusiasm, hesitancy or fear. - Body movements and posture: are arms and legs crossed and closed? Are people fidgety or

relaxed? Where are they looking? Does their posture indicate interest or boredom? Remember you can hear a lot just by watching people’s actions.

When you listen in this way and encourage other group members to also actively listen you will create a group dynamic in which people feel heard, safe and cared for.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Just like all families there will inevitably be moments of conflict within our Red Door family and within your Connect Group. Christian community is not defined by the absence of conflict, but how we respond when it occurs. What do you do when members of your group find themselves in conflict with one another, or you find yourself in conflict with another in your Connect Group? What you do not do is ignore it and allow bitterness and resentment to creep in. This is a sure-fire way to bring strife and disunity into your group. Scripture speaks clearly about the seriousness of this kind of behaviour and the damage it causes. So, with that in mind, what do you do? We’ve adopted the principles from a book by Ken Sande entitled The Peace Maker. The process we encourage you to walk through yourself or with the members of your group is as follows.

GLORIFY GOD (1 Corinthians 10:31) Biblical peacemaking is motivated and guided by a deep desire to bring honour to God by revealing the reconciling love and power of Jesus Christ. As we draw on His grace, follow His example, and put His teaching into practice, we can find freedom from the impulsive, self-centred decisions that make conflict worse and bring praise to God by displaying the power of the Gospel in our lives.

GET THE LOG OUT OF YOUR EYE (Matthew 7:5) Attacking others only invites counterattacks. This is why Jesus teaches us to face up to our own contribution to a conflict before we focus on what others have done. When we overlook others’ minor offences and honestly admit our own faults, our opponents will often respond in kind. As tensions decrease, the way may be opened for sincere discussion, negotiation, and reconciliation.

GENTLY RESTORE (Galatians 6:1) When others fail to see their contributions to a conflict, we sometimes need to graciously show them their fault. If they refuse to respond appropriately, Jesus calls us to involve respected friends, church leaders or other objective individuals who can help us encourage repentance and restore peace. Where conflict persists please seek the support and assistance of your Connect Group Coordinator.

GO AND BE RECONCILED (Matthew 5:24) Finally, peacemaking involves a commitment to restoring damaged relationships and negotiating just agreements. When we forgive others as Jesus has forgiven us and seek solutions that satisfy others’ interests as well as our own, the debris of conflict is cleared away and the door is opened for genuine peace.

This further insight from Ken Sande may also help when guiding members of your group through the conflict resolution process: Many disputes begin or grow worse because one or both sides give in to their emotions and say or do things they later regret. It is important to realise that if you do not glorify God when you are involved in a conflict, you will inevitably glorify someone or something else. By your actions you will show either that you have a big God or that you have a big self and big problems. When displaying the riches of God’s love and pleasing Him is more important than holding onto worldly things and pleasing yourself, it becomes increasingly natural to respond to conflict graciously, wisely and with self-control. This approach brings glory to God and sets the stage for effective peacemaking.


TROUBLESHOOTING: COMMON PROBLEMS

There are a number of problems or difficult situations which arise with great regularity in Connect Groups. These can cause some degree of anxiety for the Leader as well as many of the members. Below are listed the most common troubles which arise and some suggestions for how to deal with them. Remember, when it comes to dealing with challenging situations, alongside the information that follows you also have the support of your Connect Coordinator.

THE PERSON WHO DOMINATES THE GROUP

This most common way to deal with this person is to say, “Dale has been saying a number of helpful things. Does someone else have something to add?” or “We have heard a lot from some people on the previous questions. Can we hear from some of the others of you on this next question?” If the person is regularly giving long-winded answers to questions, the leader may need to jump in when the person takes a breath and simply ask, “Does anyone else have something to add?” You might also try to avoid eye contact. If the person does not seem to get the hint that they are occupying more than their fair share of the time, you may need to address them privately along these lines: “I really do appreciate your enthusiasm and willingness to share your insights. However, something which you might not be aware of is that the frequency of your speaking and the length of your responses has a potentially stifling effect on other people sharing. I am sure you don’t mean for that to happen, but I am afraid that it sometimes does.” Having said that you might ask the person, “What is your reaction to what I have said?” This gives you and the individual a chance to interact.

One other way to deal with this and many other kinds of potential problems is to have periodic evaluations of the group. At such an evaluation you might ask the group as a whole, “What do you think about the balance of participation in the group? Is there anything which is stifling participation in the group? Is there anything which if it were changed would facilitate greater participation from the group as a whole?” Though this may strike you as fairly risky, it has a great number of benefits. It provides opportunities for the truth to be spoken in love and it allows for the community to solve its problems together rather than relying on one individual to do all the work. It can often bring great healing in the group and bring it to new levels of honesty and maturity.

THE PERSON WHO SAYS SOMETHING HERETICAL

There will undoubtedly be many times when someone gives an answer to a question that is absolutely incorrect and which may even qualify as heresy. What ought you to do? First of all, avoid your initial impulse to correct the person. It is likely that the person does not realise that he or she is saying something which is out of accord with Christian doctrine. If you are too quick to correct the person you may well end up stifling his or her future impulses to participate in the group. That would be disastrous. The group needs to remain a safe place for people to share. It needs to be a place where people are free to make mistakes. Second, remember that groups tend to self-correct the heresy that arises within them. Usually you can just say, “Thanks for sharing. Does anyone else have a different opinion or something else to add?” Generally, the more mature members of the group will provide insights that are more in keeping with the truth of the Scripture. By affirming the insights of the more mature believers, the individual who made the heretical comment and others who might have been swayed by them will come to see the comment was off-target. It will then be unnecessary to confront them directly.

However, if you don’t think the statement has been countered adequately and that significant confusion remains then you might feel compelled to say, “I appreciate what all of you have shared. However, I think what the Bible says about this is...” Finally, if someone shares something that just cannot be supported by the text under consideration it is often quite appropriate to point the group back to the text and ask, “Just how do you see your point arising from the text? Is that really what it says?” The only caution before proceeding in this manner is to make sure that the mistake is serious enough to warrant it. Assuming that the people in your group are attending a worship service in which they are getting good teaching you might decide that such an approach would do more harm than good.


THE PERSON WHO RARELY PARTICIPATES

The first thing to determine is whether the questions you are asking are sufficiently open-ended so that they encourage sharing. Some kinds of questions can stifle participation. Assuming the questions you are asking encourage participation, you might just need to let the group know that the responses that have been given to the question don’t exhaust everything that can be said. By simply asking frequently, “Does anyone else have something to add?” you might solve the silence problem. If that doesn’t work and the problem of quietness is widespread you could say to the group at large, “We are mostly hearing from just a few people. We would really love to hear from everyone. All of you are valuable to the group and I am sure that you have insights that the rest of us can benefit from. We need to hear what you have to say.”

If the problem is just with one person, you might want to say something similar to them in private. Let them know that you are glad they are part of the group even if they choose to rarely share, but that you are sure the group would benefit from what they thought. Realise, of course, that some people are just quieter by nature and that some only share when they are convinced that their thoughts would contribute to the furtherance of the discussion. What you should avoid doing is putting a person on the spot by calling on them by name. They may truly not have anything to say about the particular question under consideration and you will only succeed in embarrassing them. They may choose to stay away from the group in the future.

A PARTICULARLY TROUBLED PERSON IS DRAINING THE LIFE OUT OF THE GROUP

How you handle this situation depends on the particular person in question. Usually, you will have to approach the person and address the behaviours that are disrupting the group. This will take both courage and tact and will often require firmness as well. But you should not avoid it. We have a responsibility to one another. If a person lacks social skills or is behaving in a socially inappropriate manner it is important to help them. Speaking the truth in love requires leaders and members to confront dysfunctional group behaviour, even though it may make you uncomfortable to do so. It is suggested that you seek insight from other group members and your Coordinator as to how to handle difficult people. On some occasions, you will need to help the person seek out another group that would be better for them.

THE GROUP KEEPS GOING OFF ON TANGENTS

The first thing you will need to decide is whether the tangent is valuable enough to pursue or whether it qualifies as an unhelpful distraction. When the tangents are in the latter category just remind the group that you have limited time and that you think the group will be best served by sticking to the text. You might say, “That really is an interesting question and those who are interested in it can pursue it if they like after we close. In the meantime I think we would benefit most if we stuck to the passage at hand.” At other times you might just say, “We seem to be getting off on a tangent again. Let’s stick to the passage at hand. Then ask a question which turns people’s attention back to the text. It is up to the leader to keep the group on track.

SOMEONE ASKS A BIG QUESTION JUST AS YOU RUN OUT OF TIME

You will probably be best served by saying, “That is an important question but if we try to get into it now we won’t be able to do it justice. I would be glad to get together with you either after the group or at another time to talk to you about it. Or if the group would like to we can take up the question at another meeting.”

THE GROUP IS OVERLY INTELLECTUAL AND NOT RELATIONAL

It is very easy for groups to use the Bible as a foil, which prevents them from really interacting with one another. If this takes place it is important to get the group to become involved in personal sharing. You will need to spend much more time using sharing questions, which get people talking about their personal lives. As long as the group avoids genuine interaction, it will fail to be transformational in nature.


PEOPLE ARE LONG-WINDED IN PRAYER REQUESTS AND THE PRAYER TIME BECOMES TOO LONG

If you are going to pray together with the entire group, ask people to be concise in their sharing of prayer requests and succinct in their prayers. Your other option is to break up the group into pairs or triads and allow them to share and pray in these groups. With this arrangement, people will have more time to both share and pray and this method can also be less intimidating for those with deeply personal issues.

A FINAL WORD OF CAUTION

For many of these problems the worst thing you can do is to ignore them and hope they will go away. It is unlikely that they will disappear unless you address them. If you let them go on unaddressed, the members in the group will gradually cease to attend as their dissatisfaction with the group life grows. Remember your chief job as a Leader is to do everything in your power to help the group to function as a healthy community. This will occasionally require you to do things that don’t come naturally and which seem unpleasant. But love for God’s people and concern for their well-being can serve as sufficient motivation for carrying out a difficult task.


PART 4: PASTORAL CARE & SUPPORT

WHERE DOES YOUR HELP COME FROM?

Of course the spiritual answer to this question is, ‘The Lord’, but on a practical level there are also people to support you in your role as Connect Group Leader. This role can look daunting on paper and there is indeed and high level of commitment and responsibility in being a Connect Leader. It therefore it is imperative that you know that there are people to support and encourage you.

Remember though, while being a Connect Group Leader is a big commitment there are great rewards that come with investing your life into the discipleship and care of others. Discipleship is never a one-way street. You will find as you invest whole heartedly into this role your own walk with Christ will develop and deepen as much, if not more so, that those in your Connect Group.

With that in mind it is important to understand that you are not alone in this. At the Red Door there are people and systems in place to support you in this role and to provide guidance and assistance as needed, and to also help you flourish.

CONNECT GROUP COORDINATOR

Connect Group Coordinators occupy the middle management role, operating between the Connect Pastor and the Connect Group Leaders. Coordinators are individuals who serve in a pastoral capacity overseeing 3 to 5 Connect Groups. They are responsible to help pastor the leaders of those groups and the members of those groups. A Coordinator’s chief pastoral responsibility is to see that the groups they serve are healthy and functioning well. They are to care for the Leaders and give them the support necessary to enable them to do their job well and to allow their groups to thrive.

Your Coordinator will arrange to meet with you on a regular basis. Ideally this will involve a minimum of 4 face-to-face meetings a year and an additional 6 contacts via phone or email. However, if you find you are in need of support outside of these scheduled meetings you are able to contact your Coordinator for advice and assistance. The support may look like a second opinion for ideas you have for the group, usually over a coffee in a local cafe, through to more involvement for more difficult and complex issues that may arise regarding your Connect Group.

Your Coordinator is also available to join in on your Connect meetings. This is to provide feedback and encouragement, to assess the overall health of your group and to promote the value of community at Red Door. It is important you keep your Coordinator updated on any significant changes or issues within your group.

CONNECT PASTOR

The Connect Pastor is a staff member who is responsible for overseeing all Connect Group Coordinators. They are there to provide direction and support to the Coordinators and also to be available when necessary for Connect Leaders. If for any reason you feel you need assistance that your Coordinator is not equipped for then you are able to contact the Connect Pastor directly.

The Connect Pastor is also responsible for receiving and allocating requests from people to join a Connect Group. As requests are received the Connect Pastor assesses which is the most appropriate group for that person. They will then contact you to arrange an initial meeting with that person to determine if your group is suitable. (This process is outlined in Part 1 of the Manual)

It is important that when you receive communication from your Coordinator or Connect Pastor regarding connecting with someone who is seeking a Connect Group, you respond to that person as soon as possible. Ideally within 48 hours. It is easy otherwise for people to assume they are not important and their enquiry has been ‘lost’. Even if you are unable to fulfil a request, it’s important to communicate the status of what’s happening, so that they have been acknowledged.


TRAINING

Throughout the year the church will provide training opportunities. Mostly this will happen on our Connect Reset Nights, which are a time for all Connect Leaders to gather, be encouraged and equipped. There will be 3 of these throughout the year and we ask that all Leaders make it a priority to attend these evenings.

COMMUNICATION

REALM

Realm is our online communication tool at Red Door and we encourage all Connect Group Leaders to setup their Connect Group on Realm. Realm is a powerful tool that is there to help assist you with the administration and communication aspects of your group. For an instructional video on how to setup and mange your Connect Group on Realm you can go to www.onrealm.org/thereddoorcc.

TROUBLESHOOTING: FOLLOWING UP THOSE WHO FALL THROUGH THE CRACKS

Inevitably, some individuals who have attended your Connect Group will stop coming. Our natural inclination is to assume they would not want to be contacted. We believe that they will perceive us as a nag or a bother. We are afraid we will just make them feel guilty. We may also assume that the reason they stopped coming is that they did not find the group beneficial. The first lesson of follow up is simply this: Make No Assumptions! In years of following people up I have rarely run across someone who was not glad that they had been called.

We fear follow up, but we need not do so. It communicates to people that you care. It communicates that their absence was noticed. Often your calling up is the first indication to them that people in the church actually do care about them as an individual. They are more than part of the masses. It can be a turning point in their relationship with the church and with your Connect Group. Even if the individual does not return to your group, they are usually glad that they have been contacted. Ultimately, we should be following people up because we believe that Christian fellowship is essential to living a God-pleasing life. Aware that they may not be benefiting from this means of grace, we should call them out of a sincere desire to see their Christian life flourish.

WHEN TO FOLLOW UP

You may make it your practice of following up people on any week they don’t show up for the group and have not contacted you beforehand to make you aware that they would be absent. The benefit of this type of procedure is that it doesn't make individuals feel like they have been singled out. You might even announce to the group that this will be your practice. Also by doing follow up weekly it becomes a normal habit and discipline in your life as a leader. However, this can be a labour intensive practice and for that reason you may decide on a different pattern of follow up. Instead, you may choose to follow up anyone who has missed two or three meetings without prior notice. If you follow this route you must discipline yourself to follow through on it. It becomes much easier to procrastinate with this methodology, which often then leads to putting it off entirely. If a person's attendance is especially erratic you may also choose to follow them up. If you have procrastinated to the point that it now feels awkward following-up the individual, you should still press on and contact the person. Their needs should determine your actions, not your embarrassment.

HOW TO FOLLOW UP

How does one follow people up? There are three options: Personal interaction, a telephone call, a text or email.


PERSONAL INTERACTION

This is the preferred means of follow up. Face to face interaction allows for you to communicate your genuine concern to the person in a complete way. This option should only be taken if you are fairly certain that you will be seeing the person within the week. If you don't see the person on the occasion you expected to see them, then you should immediately pursue one of the other means of follow- up. What should you say? Probably something like this: "Adam, we missed you at Connect this past week. Is everything all right? “If missing the group is a pattern you might say, "We have been missing you at Connect. We have appreciated what you contributed when you have come and would love to have you there regularly. Is there a reason or reasons why you haven’t been able to come?”

After asking this question it is important not to put words in their mouth. Allow them to answer for themselves. They may have been out of town. They may have been extra-busy at work. There may be some personal problems. They may not feel like they fit in your particular group. They may not feel like they are getting much out of the experience. You need to be able to respond appropriately to whatever reason they might offer. If they have been out of town or busy you might just say, "We have missed you and hope to see you soon . We will next be meeting on __________. Hope to see you there." If some personal issues have prevented them from attending then you will want to provide appropriate pastoral care for them. Perhaps you will want to schedule a time to meet with them and offer to pray with them.

If one of the last two reasons is their actual reason for not attending they will be less likely to disclose this. If you sense that they are disappointed with the group for some reason you may need to give them some help to enable them to tell you. You might ask, "Is there something about the group in particular which has disappointed you? I really would appreciate your feedback if there is. Did you have certain expectations for the group which you feel are not being met?" This must be asked with humility and a genuine openness to hear what they are saying. You should not register your disappointment, but in as much as you are able, affirm the appropriateness of their expectations.

Of course, many people bring inappropriate expectations to a group. This becomes a moment where you can pastor them with regards to their expectations ("Yes, I understand your desire to be involved in a group where people are not superficial with one another but share about what is really going on in their heart and life. My hope is that the group gets there. In fact, we are making progress. But that kind of interaction takes time and we still have a ways to go."..."I understand your desire for more doctrinal input in your life. It sure has made a difference in mine. However, Connect Groups are not especially good vehicles for transmitting doctrine. Connect Groups, however, are very important for receiving encouragement and support for living the Christian life. That is something which we all need.”).

There is also the possibility that the person just does not feel like they fit in your particular group. If you sense this is the case you could say, “Perhaps you feel like this particular group isn't quite right for you. I certainly won't be offended if you thought this group might not be the best for you. While we would like to have you with us, it might be that you would fit into another group better and that it would be more beneficial to you. If you are thinking that may be the case, I would be glad to help you find another group." Of course, if it turns out that their schedule doesn’t fit with the time your group is meeting then it would also be appropriate to help them find another group that is more accessible to them.

TELEPHONE CALL The telephone is another good means for following-up a person. Normally you will follow much the same course as is suggested above. If you get an answering machine you might say, "Hi. This is Barbara from Connect. We missed you at the group this past week. I'm just calling to make sure all is well and to let you know that our next meeting is _____________. Please give me a call if there is anything I can do for you. Hope to see you at the next meeting. Take care." If you get an answering machine and you would like to talk to the person rather than their machine you might say, "Hi. This is Barbara from Connect. We missed you recently at the group. Hope you are well. Please give me a call when you get a chance. My number is....Take care." Then when they callback you can say, " Thanks for calling back. I just wanted to make sure that everything was O.K. and let you know when our next meeting will take place." This gives you the opportunity to have further interaction with them. If they don't call back you might just leave another message letting them know when the next meeting will take place.


TEXT MESSAGE/EMAIL A text message or an email is a means of following up that is non-threatening and avoids putting the person on the spot. It can be done quickly and does the job of communicating that you care. "We missed you at Connect this past week. I hope everything is O.K. Our next meeting is ____________. Hope to see there. Please feel free to contact me. Sincerely, ______________." If you don't get a response after another missed meeting then you may want to use more a direct method of following up. Remember that in this process we are not interested in hounding the person. We cannot control what they will do. We don't want to be coercive. If they decide to stay away, then there is nothing you can do about that. What you can do is communicate that you care about their absence and that you have their best interests at heart.

TROUBLESHOOTING: REFERRAL OF TROUBLED AND TROUBLING PEOPLE

It is important that as Connect Leaders you feel you are equipped to know how to handle the situation of having a difficult person in your group. The Church is a place for the broken and the hurting and often times this presents challenges, particularly within the context of a small group. Should this situation arise hopefully you will find the following information helpful in guiding you through the best way to approach it.

IDENTIFYING THE TROUBLED AND THE TROUBLING

“Troubling people” are not those who are merely hard to love, or require some extra energy, or are “not your kind of people." The best definition is that “troubling people” are those who dominate the group and overwhelm it, so that they shift the focus of the group to the extent that the group cannot reach it's goals, and therefore it ceases to be a worthwhile experience for the majority who attend. They are people who have ongoing critical needs that are beyond the scope of the Connect Leader. For the most part these needs are emotional or psychological in nature. They are destructive to the group. People tend to be driven away from group because of them.

We must not lose compassion for these people or treat them as problems to be solved, instead see them as people in whom God is working but who need more intensive care than most Connect Groups are capable of or designed to give. Alternative support and care giving systems are required for them. The most compassionate response for both their needs and the health of the group is to refer them to your Coordinator and/or the Connect Pastor who can then begin the process of journeying with that person pastorally.

THE PROCESS OF REFERRING THE TROUBLED AND TROUBLING

1. Talk to your Coordinator to confirm that a person needs to be referred elsewhere. It is important not to wait too long to do this. If you do your group may be unnecessarily harmed.

2. If you and the Coordinator determine it is in the person’s and your group’s best interest for them to leave the group and seek more intentional support then the Coordinator will refer the situation to the Connect Pastor.

3. The Connect Pastor will then contact the person to begin the process of referring them to the appropriate pastoral care and or counselling.

4. You may find the following script helping in communicating with the person in your group if the situation arises: "Jeff, you've been in the group for a while and I'm not sure that this group is the best or most helpful one for you. I’ve talked to my Coordinator about the best way forward and the Connect Pastor will be in contact with you to talk to you about this." If the individual protests you might need to go a bit further. "Right now, because of your own needs, your involvement with the group isn't best for the group either. We think that both for your sake and for the sake of the group it is important that you consider what advice and guidance the Connect Pastor has for you.”


WWW.THEREDDOOR.CC

connect group leaders manual · what is our mission at red door? 1 how do we believe that we will...

Documents