Community & Family: Talks 5 & 6Christian Single Life and State of Life

• When you think about a single guy, perhaps around 35, who do you think of?

This Guy?

• Sexual hedonist.• What’s that mean?• Pursuit of pleasure is

the most important thing in life; a pleasure-seeker.

• No commitments.• His goal: maximize

pleasure and fun

Or this Guy?

• Joyful and encouraging.• A disciple of Jesus Christ• Pursuit of the Lord’s

priorities is the most important thing in his life.

• Committed to the Lord and his brothers for life.

• A servant of others

What is the Lord’s view of married and single life?

• As with everything, we want to have a “Christian” view of the single life, just like we do with married life.

• Foundationally, single and married folks have the same call:

• To be a disciple of Jesus Christ and to live fully for Him!

• To love the Lord with all your heart and your brothers and sisters!

Why should I care about the single life? I’m already married!

Don cares about the single life, but why should we care??

• TCC has been blessed abundantly by single for the Lord brothers and sisters!

• Angela here in Maryland; Mike Kramer leading mission trips; Mike Shaughnessy and Don Schwager as our outside coordinators.

• Some of us will have children in the future and we should be open to having our children dedicate their lives to the Lord in the single life.

• We want to love and serve our brothers and sisters who are single in TCC.

According to the scriptures,

• Marriage is actually a temporary state.• “In the resurrection they neither marry nor

are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven” (Matt. 22:30)

• Really important in this life: spiritual fruitfulness, i.e., helping others to find the spiritual life Christ came to bring them.

• Both single and married are called to bear “fruit that will last.”

Reasons for living a Christian life as a single

• First, there is the temporary single life that is part of the life of all young Christians.

• Second, there may be practical reasons for deciding not to get married: reasons of family, marital breakup, handicap, or sexual desire.

More reasons to be a single Christian

• Third, a lack of a good Christian partner.

• Fourth, service of the Lord: a medical doctor who chooses to serve in Africa.

• Fifth, Living Single for the Lord!

Normally it’s better to remain single than marry

the wrong person!

Living Single for the sake of the Lord

• A free choice of the will rather than circumstances

• Scriptural examples: Jesus and Paul• Jesus: “Here is something which not

everyone can accept. While some are incapable of marriage because they were born so, or were made so by men, there are others who have themselves renounced marriage for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven. Let those accept it who can”

Mike Kramer being thanked for Kairos

work in South Dakota!

Paul: I Cor. 7:25-38

• Now concerning the unmarried, I have no command of the Lord, but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.

• I think that in view of the present distress it is well for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek marriage. But if you marry, you do not sin, and if a girl marries she does not sin. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

Paul: I Cor. 7:25-38 continued

• I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.

• And the unmarried woman or girl is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please her husband.

• I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Paul isn’t speaking negatively about marriage

• When Paul says that living single frees us from the need to please a wife or husband, he is not implying that pleasing your spouse is a bad thing.

• Husband and wife ought to please one another, in many ways.

• Paul is not talking about an evil, but an added responsibility that we take on if we get married.

• For those internally free not to marry, living single for the Lord provides an opportunity for a more undivided devotion. It has a practical advantage if we want to live for the Lord.

Single life can be a great way to live for the Lord and his people

• Living single for the Lord is the choice to live a life of single-hearted love for, and undivided devotion to, the Lord and to take advantage of the freedom not being married and raising a family gives us, so that we might live in a more ‘undivided’ way.

• The focus is not on the “not marrying” part, but on the “for the Lord” part.

• Choosing to live single is not a choice for a “bachelor life”, but for a life of commitment and devotion to the Lord (prayer, single-heartedness, service).

• Living single for the Lord often involves other elements as well, such as simplicity in lifestyle and a common life with others.

• Living single for the Lord has been traditional among the Christian people. It has been done in a great variety of ways.

If you’re married, encourage our single brothers and sisters!

• Both those who have chosen to remain single — for whatever good reason — and those who are temporarily single.

• Our goal is to live for the Lord and his people, no matter what state in life Jesus has called us to, married or single.

How to Move from Being Single to Being Married

• Where can we find good wisdom for dating?

• On The Bachelor, of course.

This approach to dating and marriage will produce a good marriage. Not!

This approach produces strong marriages!

Christian Community and State of Life • We should have an

approach different than from the society around us, because society’s approach is not too successful.

• “I just hung around her and fell in love.”

• “We were together a long time and well, I was getting older, and I thought it was time to get married.”

• Odds of success: 50% to 60% odds!

Snooki: “I’ll always be this crazy, fun person, but when it’s time to get married, I’m going to be

an amazing wife!”

An authentic Christian approach• We should have an

authentic Christian approach shaped by what we believe about family life or single life.

• We need the help of others in the process. Don’t journey alone!

• The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice (Prov. 12:15).

The Barros did it right! They sought advice from others

– they prayed…

What makes our approach different?• Sex isn’t a recreational sport

or for testing a relationship.• The Bible holds this position.• Christians have held this for

two thousand years.• That’s why we believe that

“sex is for marriage”.• This is hard today, but God

gives us grace and we can encourage one another!

What makes our approach different #2• Marriage is permanent, until

“death do us part”.• Stable, committed, lifelong.• So romantic love isn’t an

adequate basis to succeed in marriage. It’s too unstable to support lifelong marriage.

• Romance should be a good support for marriage.

• Marriage includes openness to children.

• That’s why we say “marriage is for family.”

Progress through life: younger years • Before adulthood• This is the time for living a

single life with no sexual activity and without pairing off.

• Young people should have a positive vision for this time in life as a time of growth and Christian service.

• This is a great time to get a vision for serving the Lord!

Timing of serious discernment• When young people are old enough, they should

begin to discern state of life direction.• They would be wise to get good Christian teaching

on marriage and relationships• That’s why we have Foundations 2 and the

Christian Personal Relationships (CPR)!• The most significant factor in a successful marriage

is how the partners treat one another. CPR is where we learn how to treat each other well!

• We encourage many to take a year or two of Christian service.

Be as wise and intentional about marriage as you are about job or career!

• The first consideration is whether to get married or live single.

• If decided to get married, the second consideration is, what kind of person to marry.

• We should choose someone who can support our Christian commitment and our community commitment if we have one.

• Other criteria are also important, especially a common approach to family life, finances, life-long commitment, and time spent together.

The courtship process • Those courting need to be

ready for marriage, including financially and educationally.

• Don’t put off marriage unnecessarily. “I’m going to wait until I have a ton of money saved…”

• Our process includes purposeful dating, but seeks to avoid rash decisions, often caused by premature emotional involvement.

Another great marriage in TCC!

Progress through life: later years

• Those whose marriages have broken up• For the most part, we do not think that those

who get married in the community should get married again after a breakup. This, however, is not normally handled within the community, but by our churches.

• Those whose marriage partners have died.• Marry again? Remain single? • We want to support our older widows well!

Decide, no matter who you are, to take on Lord’s view of

married and single life!• Both the single life and the married life.• We all have the same call: To be a disciple of

Jesus Christ and to live fully for Him!• To love the Lord with all your heart and your

brothers and sisters!• Don’t journey alone!