COMMUNICATION IN COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFEEVERYDAY LIFE

COMMUNICATION IN COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFEEVERYDAY LIFE

IDEAL CONDITIONS IDEAL CONDITIONS

AND THEAND THE

THREE MODESTHREE MODES

OF TALK!OF TALK!

Lecture 4bLecture 4b

A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESSINTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESSINTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

HUMANISTIC MODEL CONSIDERS HUMANISTIC MODEL CONSIDERS FIVE FIVE GENERAL, IDEAL QUALITIES:GENERAL, IDEAL QUALITIES:

1. OPENNESS1. OPENNESS

2. EMPATHY2. EMPATHY

3. SUPPORTIVENESS3. SUPPORTIVENESS

4. POSITIVENESS4. POSITIVENESS:: POSITIVE ATTITUDE vs. CRITICAL ATTITUDEPOSITIVE ATTITUDE vs. CRITICAL ATTITUDE OPEN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT vs. SILENCEOPEN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT vs. SILENCE

5. EQUALITY:5. EQUALITY: GIVE OTHER PERSON UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD vs. GIVE OTHER PERSON UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD vs.

ACTING IN A SUPERIOR WAYACTING IN A SUPERIOR WAY SHARING SPEAKING AND LISTENING - SHOWING RESPECT BY SHARING SPEAKING AND LISTENING - SHOWING RESPECT BY

TAKING TURNSTAKING TURNS SOLVING PROBLEMS vs. WINNINGSOLVING PROBLEMS vs. WINNING

A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESSINTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESSINTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

THREE TYPES OF TALKTHREE TYPES OF TALK

PROBLEMPROBLEM

CONNECT TALKCONNECT TALK

C.O.N.T.R.O.L.C.O.N.T.R.O.L.

TALKTALK BE RIGHTBE RIGHT

LIGHTLIGHT

HEAVYHEAVY

JUDGEMENT

REFLEXREFLEX

COMPLIANCECOMPLIANCE WITHDRAWALWITHDRAWAL

AGREEMENTAGREEMENTCOMPROMISECOMPROMISE

COLLABORATION COLLABORATION COMMITMENT COMMITMENT

D.I.A.L.O.G.U.E.D.I.A.L.O.G.U.E. TALKTALK SOLVE PROBLEMSOLVE PROBLEM

UNDERSTANDING

CHOICECHOICE

SELF- SELF-

MGT.MGT.

BASIC AGREEMENT, NO TENSION, BASIC AGREEMENT, NO TENSION, EXPECTATIONS CLEAR EXPECTATIONS CLEAR

SMALL TALK: CHATTY, SOCIABLE, CASUALSMALL TALK: CHATTY, SOCIABLE, CASUAL SIMPLE DESCRIPTIONS OF OTHER’S BEHAVIOR AND OF SIMPLE DESCRIPTIONS OF OTHER’S BEHAVIOR AND OF

EVENTSEVENTS JOKING, STORY TELLINGJOKING, STORY TELLING

ROUTINE DESCRIPTION OF SELFROUTINE DESCRIPTION OF SELF ACTIONS, PREFERENCES, OPINIONS, BELIEFSACTIONS, PREFERENCES, OPINIONS, BELIEFS

VOICE TONE - FRIENDLY, RELAXEDVOICE TONE - FRIENDLY, RELAXED

CONNECT TALK: ASSUMPTIONS CONNECT TALK: ASSUMPTIONS AND STYLEAND STYLE

SMALL TALK AS VITALSMALL TALK AS VITAL

TO DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPSTO DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS ASSOCIATED WITH TRUSTASSOCIATED WITH TRUST DEMANDED IN SOME CONTEXTSDEMANDED IN SOME CONTEXTS

TYPES OF SMALL TALKTYPES OF SMALL TALK RITUAL TALK - GREETING/LEAVINGRITUAL TALK - GREETING/LEAVING PROCEDURAL TALK -PROCEDURAL TALK -MAKE PURCHASE/DO JOBMAKE PURCHASE/DO JOB

PASTIME TALK - SOCIAL OCCASIONSPASTIME TALK - SOCIAL OCCASIONS GENDER TALKGENDER TALK ““EVER BEEN TO…”EVER BEEN TO…” ““AIN’T IT AWFUL”AIN’T IT AWFUL” HOW TO….HOW TO…. DO YOU KNOW...DO YOU KNOW...

COMMUNICATION IN COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFEEVERYDAY LIFE

COMMUNICATION IN COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFEEVERYDAY LIFE

THREE MODESTHREE MODES

OF TALK!OF TALK!

Lecture 4CLecture 4C

THREE TYPES OF TALKTHREE TYPES OF TALK

PROBLEMPROBLEM

CONNECT TALKCONNECT TALK

REFLEXREFLEX

CC.O.N.T.R.O.L..O.N.T.R.O.L.

TALKTALK BE RIGHTBE RIGHT

LIGHTLIGHT

HEAVYHEAVY

COMPLIANCECOMPLIANCE WITHDRAWALWITHDRAWAL

AGREEMENTAGREEMENTCOMPROMISECOMPROMISE

JUDGEMENT

WHY C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK WHY C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK OCCURSOCCURS

A REACTIVE REFLEXA REACTIVE REFLEX NOT JUST ABOUT CONTENTNOT JUST ABOUT CONTENT ALSO ABOUT OUR SELF PRESENTATIONALSO ABOUT OUR SELF PRESENTATION IT’S ABOUT CONTROLLING OTHERS TALKIT’S ABOUT CONTROLLING OTHERS TALK

TO SUPPORT OUR SELF WHILE TALKING - “FACE”TO SUPPORT OUR SELF WHILE TALKING - “FACE” SOCIAL VALUES WE CLAIM FOR THEMSELVES SOCIAL VALUES WE CLAIM FOR THEMSELVES BY THE LINE BY THE LINE OTHERS ASSUMEDOTHERS ASSUMED WE’VE TAKEN IN THE WE’VE TAKEN IN THE

SITUATION. SITUATION. CHANGE THEM TO MAKE US FEEL RIGHTCHANGE THEM TO MAKE US FEEL RIGHT

NEED TO BE/FEEL RIGHT - MAJOR MOTIVATORNEED TO BE/FEEL RIGHT - MAJOR MOTIVATOR

WHEN C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK WHEN C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK APPEARSAPPEARS

RECOGNIZED POWER DIFFERENCES BETWEEN RECOGNIZED POWER DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PEOPLEPEOPLE

TEACH, COACH, MANAGE,SELL - TEACH, COACH, MANAGE,SELL - LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L.LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. EXISTING CONFLICT SITUATIONSEXISTING CONFLICT SITUATIONS Struggle over Truth, Intentions, BlameStruggle over Truth, Intentions, Blame SMALL TALK TURNS INTO PROBLEM TALKSMALL TALK TURNS INTO PROBLEM TALK AGREEMENT SUDDENLY DISAPPEARSAGREEMENT SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS THESE “COMPLICATED” SITUATIONS EXIST IN THESE “COMPLICATED” SITUATIONS EXIST IN

EVERY ORGANIZATIONEVERY ORGANIZATION

Manage other/situationManage other/situation to to maintain my facemaintain my face

If I persist - If I persist - you changeyou change My story is obvious and is My story is obvious and is

the the truthtruth TruthTruth based on based on realreal data - data -

mymy datadata I have access to I have access to allall the the

datadata Heavy ControlHeavy Control I assume I know what you I assume I know what you

meantmeant You are toYou are to blame blame

ASSUMPTIONS ASSUMPTIONS OF C.O.N.T.R.O.L. OF C.O.N.T.R.O.L.

TYPETYPE

LL

II

GG

HH

TT

C.C.

O.O.

N.N.

ACTIVEACTIVE

LIGHT CONTROLLIGHT CONTROL

CRITIQUECRITIQUE

OFFER NEW OFFER NEW INFORMATIONINFORMATION

NEGOTIATENEGOTIATEA CHANGE A CHANGE IN OTHERIN OTHER

PASSIVPASSIVEE

COMPLAINCOMPLAINTT

OFFER OLD OFFER OLD INFORMATIONINFORMATION

NEGOTIATENEGOTIATEA CHANGE A CHANGE IN OTHERIN OTHER

LIGHT C.O.N.(LIGHT C.O.N.(T.R.O.L.) STYLE T.R.O.L.) STYLE ELEMENTSELEMENTS

CC. Critical Judgment. Critical Judgment I Talk From Critical JudgmentI Talk From Critical Judgment Our View Is Obvious And Right - Other Has To ChangeOur View Is Obvious And Right - Other Has To Change They Are Incorrect (Wrong Info Or Perspective); They Are Incorrect (Wrong Info Or Perspective);

Incomplete (Not Enough Info); Inappropriate (Unethical, Incomplete (Not Enough Info); Inappropriate (Unethical, Immoral)Immoral)

LIGHT C.O.N.(LIGHT C.O.N.(T.R.O.L.) STYLE T.R.O.L.) STYLE ELEMENTSELEMENTS

OO. Offer Them New Information. Offer Them New Information You-Messages: Tell Them Their StoryYou-Messages: Tell Them Their Story Ask Questions ONLY To Probe For Agreement And/Or Ask Questions ONLY To Probe For Agreement And/Or

Understanding Of My StoryUnderstanding Of My Story Listen For Leverage - For Agreement With Me Or Listen For Leverage - For Agreement With Me Or

Weakness In Their StoryWeakness In Their Story

LIGHT C.O.N.(LIGHT C.O.N.(T.R.O.L.) STYLE T.R.O.L.) STYLE ELEMENTSELEMENTS

N.N. Negotiate A Change In Them Negotiate A Change In Them No/Low Acknowledgement Of Their Story No/Low Acknowledgement Of Their Story No/Low Support For ThemNo/Low Support For Them Reframe Your ArgumentsReframe Your Arguments Around Their Apparent Around Their Apparent

Weakness, UncertaintyWeakness, Uncertainty Win CompromiseWin Compromise From Other From Other

OFFER NEW OFFER NEW INFORMATIONINFORMATION

YOUR DATAYOUR DATA YOUR PERSPECTIVES/ARGUMENTSYOUR PERSPECTIVES/ARGUMENTS

ADVICEADVICE TEACHINGTEACHING DIRECTIONDIRECTION POWER: “I’M IN CONTROL HERE AND I KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT.”POWER: “I’M IN CONTROL HERE AND I KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT.”

POSITIVE INDUCEMENTS TO CHANGEPOSITIVE INDUCEMENTS TO CHANGE PRAISEPRAISE IF...THEN PROMISESIF...THEN PROMISES LOW COMPULSIONLOW COMPULSION