Conflict Management in CLAS: Conflict Management in CLAS: Part 1,Part 1,

Difficult ConversationsDifficult ConversationsCynthia JoyceCynthia Joyce

University OmbudspersonUniversity Ombudsperson

GoalGoal

To promote the development of a workplace To promote the development of a workplace atmosphere where conflicts are resolved atmosphere where conflicts are resolved effectively.effectively.

ObjectivesObjectives

Understand and apply conflict management Understand and apply conflict management styles.styles.

Build communication skills for dealing with Build communication skills for dealing with conflict directly and effectively.conflict directly and effectively.

Build skills in handling difficult Build skills in handling difficult conversations.conversations.

Conflict Management StylesConflict Management Styles

Conflict Management StylesConflict Management Styles

Cooperativeness

Assertiveness

Avoiding

Competing

Compromising

Collaborating

Accommodating

Communication SkillsCommunication Skills

Active ListeningActive Listening Assertive CommunicationAssertive Communication I StatementsI Statements

Active ListeningActive Listening

EncourageEncourage

QuestionQuestion

RestateRestate

ReflectReflect

SummarizeSummarize

ValidateValidate

Making Active Listening WorkMaking Active Listening Work

Be authentic.Be authentic. Be energetic and focused.Be energetic and focused. Be aware of your internal voice.Be aware of your internal voice. Avoid assumptions.Avoid assumptions. Empathize.Empathize. Watch nonverbal behaviors.Watch nonverbal behaviors. Do not interrupt, offer advice, or make Do not interrupt, offer advice, or make

suggestions.suggestions.

Assertive CommunicationAssertive Communication

Deal with situation directly. Deal with situation directly. Start with what matters most.Start with what matters most. Use I statements.Use I statements.

I StatementsI Statements

I feel (state your emotion)I feel (state your emotion) When you (state the specific action that you When you (state the specific action that you

are concerned about)are concerned about) Because (state the impact on your life)Because (state the impact on your life) And I want (state the change in behavior And I want (state the change in behavior

you want).you want).

Difficult Conversations:Difficult Conversations:

Move from Delivering a Message Move from Delivering a Message to a Learning Conversationto a Learning Conversation

Material adapted fromMaterial adapted from“Difficult Conversations: How “Difficult Conversations: How

to Discuss What Matters to Discuss What Matters Most”Most”

By Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, By Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila HeenSheila Heen

What makes conversations What makes conversations difficult?difficult?

Difficult Conversations: Difficult Conversations: Three Conversations in OneThree Conversations in One

What Happened?What Happened?

FeelingsFeelings

IdentityIdentity

What Happened?What Happened?

The Truth AssumptionThe Truth Assumption

The Intention InventionThe Intention Invention

The Blame FrameThe Blame Frame

accept multiple accept multiple perspectivesperspectives

disentangle disentangle intent from intent from impactimpact

move from move from blame to blame to contributioncontribution

FeelingsFeelings

Difficult conversations are at their core Difficult conversations are at their core about feelings.about feelings.

You are not really dealing with the issue You are not really dealing with the issue if you leave out feelings.if you leave out feelings.

IdentityIdentity

Ask what is at stake for you:Ask what is at stake for you:Am I competent?Am I competent?Am I a good person?Am I a good person?

Ask what is at stake for the other Ask what is at stake for the other person.person.

What can help when your identity What can help when your identity is challenged?is challenged?

Ground your identity.Ground your identity.Accept that:Accept that: You will make mistakes.You will make mistakes. You are complex.You are complex. You have contributed to the problem.You have contributed to the problem.

Let go of trying to control the other Let go of trying to control the other person’s reaction.person’s reaction.

Prepare for the other person’s response.Prepare for the other person’s response.

When you deliver a message, When you deliver a message, you often want to:you often want to:

Prove a point.Prove a point. Give the other person a piece of your Give the other person a piece of your

mind.mind. Get the other person to do or be what Get the other person to do or be what

you want.you want.

In a learning conversation, In a learning conversation, you:you:

Try to understand what has happened Try to understand what has happened from the other person’s point of view.from the other person’s point of view.

Explain your point of view.Explain your point of view. Share and understand feelingsShare and understand feelings Work together to manage the problem Work together to manage the problem

in the future.in the future.

Communicating ClearlyCommunicating ClearlyDo:Do: Start with what matters most.Start with what matters most. Speak directly.Speak directly. Acknowledge different perspectives; use “and.”Acknowledge different perspectives; use “and.”Don’t:Don’t: Be too simplistic.Be too simplistic. Present your conclusions as truth.Present your conclusions as truth. Use “always” and “never.”Use “always” and “never.”

Problem SolvingProblem Solving Set the stage: purpose of meeting, ground rules.Set the stage: purpose of meeting, ground rules. Begin with the Third Story.Begin with the Third Story. Listen to the other person’s perspective.Listen to the other person’s perspective. Communicate clearly.Communicate clearly. Define the problem.Define the problem. Brainstorm options.Brainstorm options. Evaluate options.Evaluate options. Develop a solution.Develop a solution.

The Third Story:The Third Story:

neutral description of the situation neutral description of the situation acknowledging differences between acknowledging differences between your perspectives, with no judgment your perspectives, with no judgment involved.involved.

What can help you hold difficult What can help you hold difficult conversations when necessary?conversations when necessary?

University ResourcesUniversity Resources

Office of the OmbudspersonOffice of the Ombudsperson Mediation ServicesMediation Services Human Resources: Human Resources:

Local and Central StaffLocal and Central StaffFaculty and Staff ServicesFaculty and Staff ServicesLearning and DevelopmentLearning and Development

Other:Other:

BibliographyBibliography

Wrap UpWrap Up

SummarySummary QuestionsQuestions Next StepsNext Steps EvaluationsEvaluations