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CLARK AND ADDISON epISODe 3 - “KAppA ChICK”

A REUNION OF 20 SOMETHING CUB FANS ON THE CORNER OF CLARK AND ADDISON IN CHICAGO - IN A SMALL BAR NAMED WEAGHMAN’S PARK. THE CUBS ORIGINALLY PLAYED AT WEAGHMAN PARK IN CHICAGO BEFORE TRANSFERRING TO CUBS PARK IN 1919 - WHICH BECAME WRIGLEY FIELD IN 1926. NIGHTLY IN DEPTH DISCUSSIONS OF CUBS AND CHICAGO OCCUR AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK. WEAGHMAN’S PARK ONLY SERVES FOOD AND DRINK ORIGINATING FROM ABOVE THE WISCONSIN BORDER . . . SMALL NEIGHBORHOOD WRIGLEY FIELD BAR CALLED WEAGMAN’S PARK WITH ONLY WISCONSIN BEER AND SHEBOYGAN BRATS - A 20 SOMETHING HANGOUT. FOLLOW THE HISTORY OF THE CUBS, BEARS AND BULLS AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF JOSH, ELLIOT, SAM, KERI, MELANIE AND FRIENDS . . .

JOSHHEY WILL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE’RE GETTING TO THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR. THE BREWERS DON’T KNOW HOW TO WIN.

WILLYES, THE CUBBIES ARE VERY VERY LUCKY AS WE MAYBE DON’T HAVE A RIGHT TO BE THERE. ST. LOUIS IS SO BEAT UP AND DEMORALIZED, THE BREW CREW KEEPS LOSING AS THESE BORDER FOLKS REALLY THINK THEY CAN WIN EVERYTHING - NOT REALIZING THEY HAVE A VERY LONG SHOT FOR THE WILD CARD AND ONLY A VERY SMALL CHANCE FOR THE DIVISION AS WE NEED TO IMPLODE FOR THE BREWERS TO WIN.

JOSHDRINKING ALL THAT LEINIES WON’T HELP THEIR TEAM EITHER. IN FACT WHY AREN’T THOSE BORDER PEOPLE UP IN MILLER PARK - CHEERING THEIR TEAM ON ?

WILLJOSH, THEY COME DOWN HERE WHEN THE BREWERS ARE AWAY - GET IT !

JOSHWOW WILL, YOU SHOULD HAVE RECEIVED THE NOBEL - AT LEAST ONE OF THEM - RATHER THAN THE BUNCHES THAT WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO.

WILLWELL - THERE GOES THE 30 CASES OF CHAMPAIGN - AND IT’S NOT THE CITY OF CHAMPAIGN. WE JUST WON THE NL CENTRAL BY BEATING CINCY AND THE BREW CREW DUMPING A GAME TO SAN DIEGO AND HOFFMAN.

JOSHAND LOU HAS ALREADY NAMED THE FIRST TWO STARTERS AS CARLOS AND LILY. I’D DRINK IF I COULD.

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WILLYES, I’LL HAVE ANOTHER LEINIES - IN FACT DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THAT IMPERIAL STOUT - RUSSIAN STALIN STUFF ?

JOSHSORRY, NEXT WEEK WILL - OR SHOULD I SAY THE OWNER PROMISES TO HAVE THIS NEW STUFF.

WILLHECK, THEY’VE HAD IT IN THE NORTHWOODS FOR OVER A MONTH - AND THEY ONLY HAVE TO GO DOWN I-90 AND HANG A LEFT ON I-94 TO GET IT TO WEAGHMAN’S PARK.

JOSHRELAX WILL - WE HAVE PLENTY OF OTHER BEER HERE - BESIDES YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE RAMPING - REMEMBER THE APPRENTICE MECHANIC DEAL AT OHARE ?

WILLI DIDN’T GET IT.

JOSHNO WAY. YOU’RE LIKE THE MOST SMARTEST GUY I KNOW. DID YOU TELL

THEM ABOUT YOUR FOOTBALL PROWESS ?

WILLYES - THEY ALREADY KNEW ALOT OF THE SPORTS STUFF BECAUSE I SUBMITTED TO A BACKGROUND CHECK - ALL MECHANICS ARE ASSUMED TO BE AL - QUAIDA UNTIL THEY CLEAR BACKGROUND CHECKS.

JOSHAND THE KAPPA STUNT GIRL ? DID YOU GO TO CATHOLIC 5 O’CLOCK MASS IN HIGHLANDS PARK AND WEAR THE SUIT AND BE COOL ?

WILLYES !

JOSHWELL, WHAT HAPPENED ? ENGAGEMENT ?

WILLNOTHING ! ZIPPO !

JOSHWHAT DO YOU MEAN BY NOTHING ? ZERO IS UNACCEPTABLE - REMEMBER WILL, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND HAPPINESS !

WILLI MEAN NOTHING !

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JOSHWERE THEY IN MASS ? I MEAN MOM, DAD, BEAUTIFUL ? YES OR NO WILL ?

WILLOH, HERE COMES KERI. I BETTER.........

JOSHNO WILL, WE NEED TO RESOLVE THE GIRLFRIEND....AND KERI IS COOL......SHE’S BEEN THROUGH IT ALL.

KERIHEY GUYS, YOU TOO WILL !

WILLREAL FUNNY MISS KERI !

JOSHKERI, BEFORE ANOTHER BUNCH OF CRAZIES COME IN HERE WHO WILL OCCUPY ME FOR HOURS ............

KERIRELAX JOSH ….THEY’RE ALL DOWN THE STREET WATCHING THE CELEBRATION ON WGN AS THE BREWERS GAVE THEM THE NL CENTRAL THIS YEAR.

WILLWE’LL TAKE IT ANY WAY WE CAN GET IT.

JOSHI AGREE....IT’S ONLY BEEN 99 YEARS. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY YEARS WITH SOSA, RYNO, DAWSON, SAUER, FERGIE, BILLIE, SANTO, BANKS, THE LIST GOES ON WHEN WE DESERVED TO BE THERE, BUT WERE NOT. AND GETTING BACK TO THE GIRLFRIEND WILL.........

KERIARE YOU GUYS STILL TRYING TO RECONVENE WILL’S LOST RELATIONSHIP ?

JOSHYES KERI, WE WERE JUST AT 5 PM SATURDAY NIGHT MASS IN HIGHLANDS PARK AND WILL SAW THE FAMILY .........

WILLOK JOSH...I DID EVERYTHING, WAS TOTALLY COOL....THEY JUST STARED AT ME - ALL OF THEM - LIKE IT WOULD BE RACIAL MIXING OR SOMETHING.

JOSHBUT YOU’VE GOTEM THINKING. THERE WASN’T A GUY NEXT TO THE CUTE KAPPA WAS THERE ?

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WILLNO, JOSH. THIS IS A TOTAL LOST CAUSE - THOUGH I TOTALLY LOVE HER AND WOULD GIVE UP ALL EARTHLY BELONGINGS FOREVER TO HAVE HER, IT WON’T HAPPEN.

JOSHTHE BREWER FAN DOWN THERE LISTENING TO US THINKS YOU SHOULD HAVE A DATE AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK.

KERIOK GUYS - I’VE HEARD ENOUGH. FIRST, 20 SOMETHINGS DON’T DATE - ESPECIALLY NOT AT WEAGHMAN’S. I MEAN IF SHE CAME IN HERE SHE WOULD CANCEL THE RELATIONSHIP FOREVER AND MAYBE COMMIT SUICIDE. FOR GOD’S SAKE GUYS, SHE’S FROM HIGHLAND PARK - NOT FREEPORT.

WILLOK THAT SETTLES IT - IT IS OVER - EVEN IF SHE CALLS. I CAN’T DEAL WITH THAT MOTHER BITCH. JUST CAN’T.

JOSHSIMMER DOWN WILL - ONCE SHE CHANGES A COUPLE DIAPERS THE BITCH MOM IN LAW WILL SETTLE IN AND SHE’LL LOVE YOU.

KERIJOSH, WHY ARE YOU THINKING THIS IS A MARRIAGE FOR THE AGES - ESPECIALLY COMING FROM A REBELLIOUS OPPRESSIVELY DEFIANT 20 SOMETHING WHO HASN’T HAD A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP SINCE YOU DATED THAT GEEK AT WRIGLEYVILLE HIGH - AS IF YOU’RE THE EXPERT ON RELATIONSHIPS - YOU ONLY KNOW CUBS.

WILLIN FACT JOSH THERE ARE MORE MARRIAGES NOW MADE ON E-HARMONY AND MATCH.COM THAN CONVENTIONAL MALE DOMINATED SEQUENCES.

JOSHWHAT DO YOU THINK KERI ?

KERII FEEL JUST LET THIS RELATIONSHIP HAPPEN. IF SHE WANTS BACK IN - SHE’LL SHOW UP DESPITE HER BITCH MOM - THAT SIMPLE - THOUGH I DON’T FEEL SHE WILL. I STILL FEEL WILL IS A GOOD CATCH AND NOT WITH JUST A FOOTBALL.

WILLTHANKS, BUT I CANNOT EVEN GET INTO OHARE APPRENTICE SCHOOL WITH AN INTEREST IN MECHANICS. MY PARENTS WANT ME TO RAMP AND MOVE OUT. I’M A TOTAL FLOP. I DON’T HAVE DEGREES LIKE YOU ALL DO, CAN’T PROCESS, AND I CAN’T KEEP A GIRLFRIEND DESPITE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT.

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KERICHILL WILL. WE’LL ALL FIGURE THIS OUT. AND LIKE JOSH SAYS, YOU DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE A PARTNER - WE DON’T AND WE’RE SURVIVING.

JOSHTHRIVING !

WILLBUT I’VE NEVER HAD A STATUS OF NO GIRLFRIEND.

KERIGOOD GOD WILL, IT’S OK. HALF THE CUBS DON’T EITHER AND THEY’RE OK. JUST LET IT HAPPEN AND DON’T DATE THE KAPPA AT WEAGHMAN’S.

JOSHDUSTY BAKER FOR CINCY - JUST A RUMOR BUT I LIKE IT.

KERIYES, THAT JUST MEANS MORE WINS IN OUR COLUMN FOR 2008.

WILLA TON MORE. DUSTY COULDN’T MANAGE A LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM.

JOSHOH, I THINK THINGS JUST DIDN’T WORK OUT HERE - LIKE PRYOR AND WOODS. YOU NEED A BIT OF LUCK ALSO. DUSTY MAY RISE TO BITE US.

KERII SAY WHAT A WASTE OF GOOD CHAMPAIGN. BUT I’LL TAKE IT. I WONDER IF THEY HAVE ANY ZUERCHER CHEESE FOR THE CELEBRATION ?

JOSHI DOUBT IT. BUT ZUERCHER’S DOES DELIVER AROUND THE GLOBE. WE’VE HAD SOME PLAYERS AND COACHES IN FOR SOME BITTER CHEDDAR... AND THEY DIDN’T LEAVE.

WILLLIKE WHO - MCDONOUGH - THE PRESIDENT ?

JOSHBOSS SAYS NOT TO SAY WHO ON THE CUBS HAS BEEN HERE AS THIS IS A WISQUITO TYPE OF PLACE - BUT THEY SPECIFICALLY COME IN HERE FOR THE SHEBOYGAN BRATS AND WISQUITO BEER.

WILLAND THE STALIN BREW FROM THE NORTHLAND !

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KERILOOKS LIKE WE’LL PLAY ARIZONA. WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO MOW THEM DOWN QUITE EASILY. IT’S ALL CENTER STAGE FOR RAMIREZ AND SORIANO NOW.

JOSHYOU BET - I FEEL WE’LL WIN IT IN 4 - NO MATTER WHO WE PLAY.

KERINOT SO FAST - WE’VE TRIED TO GIVE THE DIVISION BACK TO MILWAUKEE THE PAST MONTH - BUT THEY REFUSED TO TAKE IT. THEY HAVE LED ALMOST THE ENTIRE SEASON.

JOSHYOU’RE SAYING WE REALLY NEED TO PLAY LIKE A TEAM - WELL THIS IS LOU BALL - NO SUPERSTARS - JUST A TOTAL TEAM EFFORT. WE MAY WIN ALL 3 SERIES YET TO COME.

KERIGET REAL JOSH - IF WE PLAY OUT OF OUR HEADS - WELL YES - BUT WE HAVEN’T HAD TIMELY HITTING - AND OUR PITCHING HAS BEEN SPOTTY. I JUST DON’T KNOW !

WILLWITH GUYS LIKE SANTO AND THE ENTIRE NORTH SIDE CHEERING, WE CAN SCREAM THIS TEAM TO WINS. WE HAVE THE VERY BEST FANS, TRADITION, MONEY, AND PRIDE.

KERITHAT WON’T WIN GAMES. TRUST ME. I STILL FEEL THAT MANY OF OUR PLAYERS GET CAUGHT UP WITH GEE HERE I AM GROWING UP IN SAY FAIRFIELD ALABAMA AND NOW I’M ON THE CUBS IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO - THEY DON’T PLAY LIKE THEY DID IN FAIRFIELD.

JOSHTHAT’S PRETTY GOOD KERI BECAUSE WILLIE MAYS GREW UP THERE.

KERII WAS JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF YOU WERE ON YOUR GAME. AND WILL, DON’T SIT THERE AND SULK LIKE A LOST PUPPY - YOU’LL FIND A NEW GIRL AND SHE’LL LOVE YOU TO DEATH. I WOULD GET TREATMENT FOR THE ADDDD OR WHATEVER BEFORE I WENT ANYWHERE. IN FACT THAT WOULD MAYBE IMPRESS THE HIGHLAND PARK BITCH EMPRESS MOM.

WILLBUT WHERE ?

KERIGET WITH THE PROGRAM WILL. CHECK OUT EDUCATIONAL ASSISTANCE, PSYCHIATRISTS, COLLEGE PSYCHOLOGISTS, EDUCATORS AND COMMITTED ADULTS WHO DEAL WITH HIS STUFF DAILY. WE’VE CONQUERED MANY DISEASES AND WE’RE CONQUERING THIS ONE AS WE SPEAK.

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WILLHOW DOES A WELFAROLOGIST KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THIS STUFF ?

KERIHALF MY CLIENTS WHEN I WAS IN GRAD SCHOOL WERE AFFECTED BY THIS STUFF. YOU NEED TO STOP, GET TREATMENT, AND THEN MOVE ON. YOU’RE MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR SPERM COUNT THAN YOUR FUTURE.

JOSHEASY KERI........

KERILOOK GUYS, I’M REALLY SO SICK OF WIMPY GUYS I COULD PUKE. YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE WHAT GIRLS WANT AND MANY OF US FEEL UNFULFILLED IF WE DON’T HAVE A GUY - BUT THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN A WHINING GUY WHO GIVES UP AND REFUSES TO MOVE ON IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. IT’S LIKE THE CUBS...WE COULDN’T WIN WITH DUSTY - EVEN IF HE HAD THE NL ALL STAR TEAM SO MANAGEMENT DECIDED TO MOVE ON.... AND NOW WE HAVE LOU WHO YOU KNOW HOW HE FEELS WITHOUT WORDS BEING SPOKEN - HE’S NOT A WIMP - HE’S A REAL GUY. WITH LOU IT IS HIS MIND FUNCTIONING, THEN EMOTIONS FLOW BY HIS NON VERBAL COMMUNICATION - USUALLY FROWNING - THEN WORDS EMANATE WHICH IS JUST FROSTING. IN FACT IF LOU LOSES, HE’D PROBABLY QUIT RATHER THAN HAVE SOME MANAGEMENT JERK FORCE HIM TO RETIRE OR GET FIRED.

JOSHI WILL ADMIT LOU DOESN’T ACT AND SAY LIKE DUSTY, “ EVERYTHING IS OK AND WE’LL WORK IT OUT .“ LOU WORKS IT OUT RIGHT THEN AND THERE...NO QUESTION.

KERITHE CUBBIES WOULDN’T WIN THIS DIVISION TONIGHT IF ANYONE ELSE WERE MANAGING US EXCEPTING GOD - AND EVEN THEN I DON’T KNOW AS DIFFICULT AS IT IS TO WIN IN CHICAGO.

WILLWHAT IS THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOD AND LOU ?

JOSHI GIVE UP ?

WILLGOD THINKS HE CAN MANAGE THE CUBS.

JOSHWELL I’LL ADMIT NOT EVEN OBAMA CAN MANAGE THE CUBS - SO THIS IS HEROIC AND HISTORIC.....AND I MAY HAVE A LEINIES BEFORE THE NIGHT IS THROUGH.

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KERIAND DON’T COUNT ON THE PAPERS TO HELP US EITHER. THEY WILL CHEW LOU AND THE CUBS APART IF THEY DON’T PRODUCE. TRUST ME.

WILLAND THERE WILL BE ZERO SUPPORT SOUTH OF THE KENNEDY EXPRESSWAY. HECK THE BREWER FANS WILL CHEER FOR US MORE THAN THOSE CREEPY LOW LIFE SOX FANS.

KERISO WILL - THE ANSWER TO YOUR ADDDDD PROBLEM IS TO GET HELP FROM THE VERY BEST EDUCATORS IN CHICAGO...AND IF THERE IS STILL LUST FOR THE HIGHLANDS PARK GAL, GO AFTER HER........EVEN HER BITCH MOM IS INDIRECTLY TELLING YOU TO GET HELP.

JOSHWE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS WILL. THE VERY LEAST PROBLEM YOU’LL EVER HAVE IS FINDING A GIRL. HECK KERI AND I CAN’T EVEN GET A DATE ON E-HARMONY LET ALONE ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP.

KERIYES ALL THOSE SURVEYS AND PROFILES WANT YOU TO SAY WHAT ARE YOUR DREAMS - LIKE 3,4 OR 5 KIDS, HOUSE OF 4,5, OR 6 THOUSAND SQUARE FEET, CARS THAT ARE LIKE YOUR LIVING ROOM, REPUBLICAN PARTY AFFILIATIONS, OWNER OF TONS OF MUTUAL FUNDS.....NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK, WATCHING EVERY CUBS GAME I CAN, SPONGING A BIT WHILE I’M A 20 SOMETHING. HERE LOOKS DON’T MATTER - E=HARMONY TYPES WANT VANS, SOCCER GOALS, AND PRIVATE SCHOOLS.

JOSHYES WILL, AFTER YOUR PROCESSING HELP WORKS, YOU CAN GO ON E-HARMONY AND BE A STAR. YOU HAVE BEEN ALL CONFERENCE, HAVE ASPIRATIONS, AND YOUR LOOKS WILL WIN OVER THIS TYPE OF CLIENT. THESE GIRLS WON’T WANT TO HANG AROUND WRIGLEY - TRUST ME. THEY WANT DIAPERS, SUNDAY BEARS GAMES AT THE PARENTS, THE DELLS, THE NORTHSIDE, NAVY PIER, SOCCER GAMES EVERY NIGHT, THE WHOLE CHICAGO THING.

WILLYES, MAYBE I’LL CALL FOR HELP TOMORROW IF I CAN MUSTER THE COURAGE.

KERIREMEMBER WILL, NO GAL LIKES A WIMP. YOUR 80 YARD BOMBS AND LOOKS WILL ONLY GO SO FAR. OH MY GOD THE CROWD DOWN THE STREET IS COMING IN HERE....

JOSHI THINK MY DISCUSSION TIME IS ABOUT OVER WITH. THESE ARE ALL THE CUBBY FANS CELEBRATING THE NL CENTRAL DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP.

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WILLYES, YOUNG 20 SOMETHINGS THAT DON’T PUT ALL THAT MUSTARD ON THEIR BRATS. THESE JUST EAT’EM PLAIN BECAUSE THEY ARE SO DAM GOOD.

KERIHEY, I THINK I KNOW THIS ONE GUY POPPING IN.

JOSHKERI - YOU KNOW EVERYBODY IN CHICAGO - OR AT LEAST YOU THINK YOU DO.

KERINO JOSH, I REALLY DO KNOW THIS GUY. I THINK I DATED HIM A LONG TIME AGO - LIKE IN WRIGLEYVILLE HIGH.

WILLTHAT THIN GUY WITH LONG SCRAGGLY HAIR - THAT GUY - WHAT A MISMATCH.

KERIIN WHAT WAY - WILL. WHO IS OVERDATING ?

WILLWELL THIS GUY IS AN ABSOLUTE CREEP - YOU ARE A 9 AND HE IS A 1 - 2.

KERIOH THANKS WILL - BUT MOST GUYS FIGURE I’M AT LEAST A 9.5. YOU’RE SICK WITH YOUR RATINGS. YOU ARE TOO MUCH OF A GUY - VERY INSENSIBLE. OH MY GOD - HE’S COMING OVER HERE.

WILLLET ME PROTECT YOU KERI. I’LL TELL HIM WE’RE NEARLY ENGAGED.

KERINO, THAT TEMPORARY LIE IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. I’D RATHER TALK TO HIM.

SKIPHI KERI. LONG TIME THAT WE’VE BEEN APART.

WILLDID YOU TWO GO STEADY, DATE, GO OUT, OR WHAT ?

KERIDON’T MIND HIM SKIP - THIS IS WILL - A CLONED HYBRID SPERM BANK EXPERIMENT GONE BAD - TOO MUCH MALE ELEMENT.

SKIPWELL IT’S NICE TO SEE YOU. LAST I HEARD YOU WERE ENGAGED TO THE QUARTERBACK - HECK I NEVER THOUGHT I’D EVER SEE YOU AGAIN.

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KERIWELL SKIP - IT DIDN’T WORK OUT........SO I’M BACK HERE AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK HAVING FUN, LIVING....

SKIPWELL YOU ALWAYS LIKED THE CUBS.......AND I COULDN’T STAND THEM........BUT YOU CAN’T AVOID THEM LIVING RIGHT HERE IN WRIGLEYVILLE. HECK, YOU JUST ABSORB THE CUBS IN EVERY WAY.

WILLSO NOW YOU TOLERATE THEM.

SKIPWOW, WILL YOU ARE A GENIUS. EXACTLY CORRECT. I TOLERATE THEM.

KERIACTUALLY SKIP, WILL IS FAR FROM A GENIUS. HE HAS ADDDDD.

SKIPOH YOU MEAN ADHD. HECK EVERYONE HAS A BIT OF THAT AT TIMES.

KERINO SKIP - WILL REALLY HAS IT. HE IS VERY SMART BUT CANNOT PROCESS.

SKIPOH, SORRY WILL. HOW CAN I HELP ?

WILLYOU HELP ME ?

SKIPWELL I’M A TEACHER AT THE LOCAL JUNIOR HIGH AND I KNOW RESOURCES.

JOSHYES, PUT WILL IN WITH JUNIOR HIGH CUB FANS. THAT MIGHT WORK.

KERINO GUYS, THIS IS SERIOUS. I’VE HEARD IT ALL. HERE SKIP IS OFFERING HELP AND YOU ALL MAKE SNIDE REMARKS.

SKIPWHAT I’M SAYING WILL, IS THAT CHICAGO IS FULL OF GREAT RESOURCES FOR ADHD... AND YOU SHOULD USE THEM.

WILLWELL I’M JUST AT THE POINT OF BEING FORCED TO GET HELP. WHAT DO YOU TEACH SKIP ?

SKIPI TEACH JUNIOR HIGH BAND.

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KERIALL THE INSTRUMENTS. I REMEMBER YOU WERE A BAND GEEK.

SKIPYES, THAT’S WHY YOU BROKE UP WITH ME. YOU WANTED A FOOTBALL STAR - WHICH I WAS NOT - AND NEVER WAS GONNA BE.

WILLTHAT’S FOR SURE.

KERISHUT UP WILL...SKIP IS TRYING TO HELP YOU - REMEMBER ?

JOSHSIR, I’LL GET THOSE ZUERCHER CHEESE SANDWICHES UP FOR YOU IN A MINUTE...AND THE SHEBOYGAN BRATS ARE NEARLY DONE ALSO. YOU WANT ONIONS, MELTED CHEESE, AND PEPPERS ON ALL OF THE BRATS ? OK.

SKIPYOU GUYS SERVE ZUERCHER’S HERE. NO WONDER THIS PLACE IS SO POPULAR. A WISCONSIN THEME NEXT TO WRIGLEY - PRETTY NEAT. I’LL HAVE TO COME HERE MORE OFTEN.

WILLYOU DIDN’T PAY YOUR COVER SKIP. IT COST MONEY TO COME IN HERE.

JOSHYES SIR, THIS IS THE ZUERCHER CHEESE FROM SKOKIE. THERE ARE RELATIVES IN GREEN COUNTY WISCONSIN ALSO THAT MAKE CHEESE.

KERISO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING SKIP ? DOESN’T LOOK LIKE YOU’RE MARRIED.

SKIPNO, I WAS AS CLOSE AS IT GETS, BUT THEN BOPPED OUT AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE. CALLED IT OFF THE NIGHT BEFORE.

KERIWHY ?

SKIPI DIDN’T LOVE HER...AND I DIDN’T THINK I WANTED TO MARRY RIGHT THEN. JUST A STRONG FEELING.

JOSHOH MY GOD..........ALL OF CHICAGO IS COMING IN HERE. THERE ISN’T ROOM NOR IS THERE ENOUGH BRATS AND CHEESE. I THOUGHT I HAD ENOUGH. OH WELL.

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KERISO SKIP, ARE YOU DATING NOW ?

WILLI THINK I BETTER LEAVE KERI AS YOU TWO SEEM TO HAVE SOMETHING GOING.

KERINO STAY WILL. WE ARE ALL ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. WE CAN GET SERIOUS LATER.....BUT TO BE HONEST I’M NOT INTERESTED IN BEING SERIOUS WITH ANYONE FOR QUITE A WHILE.

SKIPSOUNDS LIKE THAT QB DID YOU IN.

KERII WANTED A FRESH START - FIRST AND 10, NOT EXTRA INNINGS WITH THAT CREEP. SO YOU’RE NOT DATING SKIP ?

SKIPWELL I’M PRETTY BUSY. I JUST TRAVELED WITH THE SCHOOL TO THE BAND CHAMPIONSHIPS IN CHAMPAIGN LAST WEEK - WHERE WE WERE FORTUNATE TO WIN.

JOSHWOW SKIP, I OVERHEARD THAT. GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT.

SKIPYES, MY KIDS REALLY STEPPED UP...AND NOW THEY MAY PLAY AT A BEARS GAME THIS YEAR.

WILLFOOTBALL OR MUSIC ?

SKIPLET ME TELL YOU WILL - WE HAVE SOME KIDS THAT WILL GO TO THE VERY BEST MUSIC AND FINE ART SCHOOLS IN THE COUNTRY - LIKE JUILLIARD, NYU, BERKLEY....

WILLNORTHERN ILLINOIS ?

SKIPNO WILL, BUT ACTUALLY NORTHERN’S MUSIC DEPARTMENT IS REALLY IMPROVING. I HEAR NOTHING BUT GREAT THINGS ABOUT NORTHERN.

KERIYES, WILL WAS ALMOST A NORTHERN ALUMNUS. NOW HE’S...WELL WE’RE WORKING ON THE ALUMNI THING.

WILLSO SKIPPER....

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KERINO WILL, IT’S SKIP.

WILLOK SKIP, SO ARE YOU DATING IN BETWEEN MUSIC CONCERTS AND MARCHES ?

JOSHWILL, NOT EVERYONE HAS TO HAVE A GIRL 24/7 LIKE YOU. IT’S OK THAT SOMEONE IS NOT DATING.

WILLWELL I THOUGHT KERI WOULD WANT TO KNOW....SINCE THEY BOTH USED TO DATE OR SOMETHING.

SKIPGUYS, KERI AND I WERE JUST VERY GOOD HIGH SCHOOL BUDDIES - VERY DIFFERENT...AND THAT IS WHY WE GOT ALONG…..SHE LIKED CHEERLEADING, JOCKS, SPORTS AND ALL THAT …..AND I LIKED THEATER, MUSIC, FINE ART STUFF AND...........

WILLFLOWERS.

JOSHMY GOD WILL... YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A BOOMER NOW. SO WHAT IF SKIP WERE GAY ? HOW WOULD IT CHANGE ANYTHING ? IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE GONNA MARRY HIM OR NOT BE A FRIEND.

KERIYEAH WILL, YOU SOUND LIKE OUR PARENTS WHO SEIZE IF THEY HEAR THE GAY WORD. IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. IT IS GENETIC, ALL FAMILIES HAVE IT IN THEIR LINES, IT HURTS NO ONE....CHILL WILL.

WILLLOOK SKIPPER....I MEAN SKIP..I’M SORRY. I KNOW JOSH, KERI AND YOU ARE MORE ADVANCED THAN I AM. IT’S JUST THAT MY WHOLE LIFE I’VE BEEN AROUND SUCH STUDS....

SKIPMANY OF WHO WERE GAY.

WILLYOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

SKIPWELL SINCE WE’RE ALL OPEN HERE..I MEAN I KNOW YOU HAVE ADHD..I CAN LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT ONLY HAVING ONE LEINIES THAT I DON’T KNOW IF I’M HETEROSEXUAL, ASEXUAL, BISEXUAL, OR GAY.

WILLWOW, SKIP...YOU NEED THE CLINIC MORE THAN I DO.

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KERIYES SKIP, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE...OTHER THAN A GREAT MUSICIAN. BUT AGAIN IT’LL WORK ITSELF OUT.

SKIPWELL TO BE HONEST I HAVE FEELINGS ALL OVER THE MAP SO THAT’S WHY I DIDN’T GET MARRIED.

KERIWELL CAN YOU LITERALLY PLAY ALL THE INSTRUMENTS IN AN ORCHESTRA OR BAND ?

SKIPYOU BET...AND I’VE RECORDED AN INSTRUMENTAL CD THIS PAST YEAR.

WILLPHIL COLLINS WITHOUT THE VOICE.

SKIPABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

JOSHSAY THIS NEW SOUTH SIDE CUSTOMER THINKS THE CUBBIES WILL FALL APART AGAINST ARIZONA IF THEY PLAY THEM. WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK ?

KERIARAMIS RAMIREZ IS AGAIN THE KEY DOWN THE STRETCH INTO THE PLAYOFFS. HE IS A GREAT THIRD BASEMAN.

JOSHAND HE’S FROM THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC - WHERE THEY PLAY ALL YEAR ROUND...AND KNOW BASEBALL. I AGREE ARAMIS IS THE KEY.

WILLNOT ONLY THAT AND JOSH DIDN’T TELL YOU THIS, BUT RAMIREZ HAS BEEN AN ALL STAR BEFORE, HAS HOMERED 3 TIMES IN 3 MAJOR LEAGUE GAMES. THE GUY CAN TURN IT ON AND BE LIGHTS OUT.

JOSHWILL, YOU’VE BEEN LISTENING TO ME WAY TOO MUCH.

WILLWELL, I’M INTO THE PLAYOFFS NOW BIG TIME.

KERIAND ADDDD TREATMENT...REMEMBER.

WILLOK MOTHER KERI.

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SKIPYES, I GREW UP JUST DOWN THE STREET AND I REMEMBER THAT SCRAWNY KID WHO BLOCKED OUR TRIP TO THE SERIES IN 2003.

KERIYES BARTMAN, STEVE BARTMAN.

JOSHOCTOBER 14, 2003 - A DAY WHICH WILL LIVE IN INFAMY FOR CUB FANS.

WILLYES, BUT IN REALITY THIS WAS A NO BRAINER. BARTMAN LEAVES THE BALL ALONE, ALOU CATCHES THE BALL, NO 8 RUNS SCORED IN THE 8TH INNING. SIMPLE. WE WIN IT IN SIX AND ADVANCE.

JOSHAND PRYOR HAD A 3 HITTER GOING TO THE 8TH INNING AGAINST THE MARLINS.

KERII THINK BARTMAN WAS A GUY WHO CANNOT THINK DEEPLY LIKE GALS. GUYS ARE REFLEXIVE. THEY JUST SEE A GIRL OR A BALL AND GO AFTER THEM - MOST OF THE TIME NOT THINKING.

SKIPALL I KNOW IS THAT BARTMAN WAS ESCORTED OUT OF THE GAME IMMEDIATELY FOR HIS OWN PROTECTION.

JOSHAND THE CUBS ISSUED A STATEMENT THE NEXT DAY SAYING THAT BARTMAN THOUGHT HE WAS RETRIEVING A FOUL BALL - LIKE KERI SAID - A GUY NON THINKING REFLEX.

SKIPYES, BUT WE WENT ON TO LOSE THE 7TH GAME TO THE MARLINS ALSO. I DON’T KNOW IF BARTMAN TOTALLY PREVENTED US FROM GOING TO THE SERIES - FIRST TIME SINCE 45.

KERIWELL I PERSONALLY THINK WE’D HAVE WON IF HE DIDN’T INTERFERE, BUT THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THAT STUFF IS TO PUT NON TOMBOY GIRLS IN THE FIRST ROWS...AND THE TRIBUNE WON’T DO THAT.

WILLBUT THE NEW OWNER MIGHT. WE NEED TO STEP UP IF WE’RE GONNA WIN THIS THING. I FEEL LOU IS AWARE OF ALL OF THIS. IN FACT HE MAY SAY IN THE PAPERS TO LEAVE THE FOUL BALLS ALONE IF CLOSE.

JOSHWELL OUR NEW CUSTOMER FROM THE SOUTH SIDE SAYS WEBB, JACKSON, DREW, QUENTIN, TRACY, YOUNG, MONTERO, REYNOLDS, AND

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APTON WILL EAT US ALIVE. THIS IS A NEW INVIGORATED TEAM - THE POST COLANGELO ERA.

KERII FEEL THEY CAN’T GET OVER LOSING LUIS GONZALEZ AND RANDY JOHNSON DOWN THERE. THEY WILL COME UP VERY SHORT AND I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF LOU’S CUBS SWEEP THEM UNDER THE RUG.

WILLI TOTALLY AGREE. NO WAY WILL THEY KEEP US WITH US WITHOUT A FLUKE IN A 5 GAME SERIES.

SKIPI HOPE YOU’RE ALL RIGHT.

JOSHOUR SOUTH SIDER THINKS WE’RE ALL JUST LOOKING PAST THESE GUYS IF WE PLAY THEM - AND IT LOOKS LIKE WE WILL. HE THINKS THESE YOUNG DIAMOND BACKS ARE REALLY TOUGH.

KERIWELL, HE IS A SPY FROM DOWN SOUTH. NEED WE SAY MORE WITHOUT GETTING INTO A GUY TYPE FIGHT.

JOSHHEY, HE’S COOL. THE SOX ARE NOT EVEN IN THE DISCUSSION.

WILLWELL JOSH EVERYONE KNOWS THERE IS A LINE IN THIS TOWN CALLED I - 94. THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN. THIS IS A REAL INVISIBLE WALL THAT HAREY CAREY CONSTRUCTED YEARS AGO. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SPECIAL PASS TO ENTER NORTH - BEYOND A PASSPORT.

KERIYES, THOSE FOLKS DO SOUTH SIDE STUFF DOWN THERE...LIKE GO TO BOWLING GREEN FOR VACATION.

WILLIN FACT SOME DOWN THERE ACTUALLY THINK ST. LOUIS IS A COOL PLACE TO VISIT.

SKIPYES, I ACTUALLY GET NAUSEATED WHEN I THINK OF SOUTH SIDERS.

KERII KNEW A GUY THAT IF YOU MENTIONED OZZIES NAME HAD LITERAL PROJECTILE VOMITING - HE HATED THE SOX AND THEIR OUTRIGHT OBNOXIOUSNESS SO MUCH.

18

JOSHBUT THEY GIVE US NICE FRIENDLY COMPETITION. AND THEY’VE WON THE WHOLE THING MORE RECENTLY THAN WE HAVE. THEY FLAT OUT HAVE BEEN BETTER.

KERIWELL THIS OZZIE TEAM THIS YEAR IS PATHETIC. THEY LUMBER TO FIRST BASE WHEN THEY GET THE CHANCE.

SKIPAND THEY DROP ANYTHING THAT’S NOT A GIMME. IN FACT WGN’S HIGHLIGHTS ARE SOMETIMES SOX BLOOPERS.

KERIYEAH, ALL THE GIRLS DOWN THERE THINK IT’S COOL TO SIT IN RIGHT NEXT TO THE DUGOUT AND WOW AT THE MIDDLE RELIEVERS - BECAUSE THEY’VE HAD TO USE THEM SO MUCH THIS YEAR.

JOSHI’M SURE KERI WOULDN’T GO TO SOX PARK UNLESS IT WAS THE MOST SPECIAL GUY IN THE WORLD.

WILLYEAH, IT WOULD BE COOL IF YOU ENDED UP FALLING FOR A SOX GUY KERI. WHAT WOULD YOU DO ?

KERINEVER GET INVOLVED IN THE FIRST PLACE - DO A 180...AND IF I WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO CARRY IT A STEP FURTHER, I WOULD ANNULL THE ORDEAL. THIS WOULD BE A MIXED MARRIAGE AND IT WOULD NEVER WORK. I’M OUTTA HERE. TOO MANY PEOPLE. SEE YOU ALL IN A COUPLE DAYS. GO CUBS.

END - EPISODE 3, CLARK & ADDISON