Chapter 9

Communicating Conflict

Defining Conflict

Interpersonal conflict is commonly defined as “the

interaction of interdependent people who perceive

incompatible goals and interference from each other

in achieving these goals.”

2Chapter 9

Defining Conflict

• Interdependence – means that the communicators are interconnected and rely on and need each other

3Chapter 9

Defining Conflict

• Perception - the communicators perceive having incompatible goals

4Chapter 9

Defining Conflict

• Incompatible goals – when people view the other as keeping them from reaching their goals friction often results

• Image conflicts involve a concern for self-presentation and a disagreement about self-definition

5Chapter 9

Types of Conflict

• Value conflicts are content conflicts that deal with content that is viewed as right or wrong

6Chapter 9

Types of Conflict

• Relational conflicts focus on issues concerning the relationship between the two people

7Chapter 9

Types of Conflict

• Serial conflicts are not conflict on a particular issue rather they are based on the fact that the same conflict occurs respectively overtime without resolution–Meta-conflicts are conflicts on how

you manage conflict

8Chapter 9

Myths about Conflict and Communication

• The belief that all conflicts result from miscommunication or unclear communication.

9Chapter 9

Myths about Conflict and Communication

• The belief that conflicts can always be resolved with good communication skills.

• The belief that it’s always best to talk about conflict.

10Chapter 9

Factors Influencing Interpersonal Conflict

• Gender and sex• Culture

11Chapter 9

Communication Patternsin Conflict

• Symmetrical escalation – when each partner chooses to increase the intensity of the conflict

• Symmetrical withdrawal – when both communicators avoid the conflict

12Chapter 9

Communication Patternsin Conflict

• Pursuit-withdrawal/withdrawal-pursuit–One partner pursues discussing the

conflict and the other withdraws–One partner withdraws prompting

the other partner to purse the conflict

13Chapter 9

Communication Patternsin Conflict

• Symmetrical negotiation – when each partner mirrors the other’s positive negotiating behaviors– Listen to the other and reflect back

what they have heard

14Chapter 9

The Dark Side of Interpersonal Conflict

• Bullying – occurs with distinct power differences between communicators exits and one is persistently abusing the other

15Chapter 9

The Dark Side of Interpersonal Conflict

• Violence and aggression – imposing one’s will on another with intent to hurt or cause suffering–Often involves verbal

aggressiveness

16Chapter 9

The Bright Side of Interpersonal Conflict

• Leads to positive evaluations of communication competence

17Chapter 9

• Promotes physical and mental health– Positive interaction ratio –

proportion of positive comments to negative comments

Chapter 9 18

The Bright Side of Interpersonal Conflict

Promotes Physical and Mental Health

–Negative interaction ratio – more negative than positive comments and interactions• The magic ratio – 5 positives to 1 negative is a good predictor of marital longevity

19Chapter 9

Explaining Conflict

• The four-part model pictures conflict as a circle divided into four sections of conflict– You refers to one of the participants

in the conflict

20Chapter 9

Explaining Conflict

• When people disqualify the you in conflict the response is aggressive and doesn’t take into account the need of the other person–This is called pouncing

21Chapter 9

The Four-Part Model

• Me refers to the other participant–When people disqualify the me in

conflict they are being passive and ignoring their own needs• This is called placating

22Chapter 9

The Four-Part Model

• Context refers to the emotional background surrounding the conflict–When people disqualify the context

they are ignoring the relational aspects and focusing on the rational aspects• This is called computing

23Chapter 9

The Four-Part Model

• Subject refers to what the parties are arguing about–When people disqualify the subject

they change the topic to avoid conflict• This is called distracting

24Chapter 9

The Relationship of Conflict to Power

25Chapter 9

• Power can be defined as the ability to control the behavior of another

The Relationship of Conflict to Power

• Using power–Direct application of power is using any

resource available to force the other to comply regardless of their wishes

– Indirect application of power is using power without making it obvious

26Chapter 9

Using Power

• Relational messages are a form of indirect applications of power

• When people send relational messages they define the relationship, implying they have the power to do so

27Chapter 9

The Relationship of Conflict to Power

• Sex differences are often based on sex role stereotypes

• Empowerment is helping to actualize another's power– Power balancing

28Chapter 9

Choices for Conflict Management

• Lighten up and reframe • Presume good will and express

good will• Ask questions• Listen• Practice cultural sensitivity

29Chapter 9