carly's sticky situation

Chad Horlock 918.520.7546 [email protected]

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THE RINK - "CARLY'S STICKY SITUATION" - SCRIPT

ACT ONE

PAGE 1. 6 PANELS PANEL 1. ESTABLISHING SHOT ACROSS THE TOP, WE SEE AN ELEGANT ESTATE SILHOUETTED AGAINST THE SINKING SUN, EXCEPTING A FEW DETAILS MENTIONED IN THE FOLLOWING SENTENCES. THE CRESCENT-LIKE SHAPE (THE TAPER DOES NOT NEED TO COME TO A POINT) REVEALS SEVERAL LIGHTS ON. A CAR WAITS OUTSIDE IN THE ROUNDABOUT WITH A FOUNTAIN ISSUING FROM A STONE BEAR'S MOUTH. CARLY'S BALLOON SHOULD COME FROM ONE OF THE LIT WINDOWS. IT SHOULD HELP WITH THE NEXT PANEL. CAPTION: THE RODERICK ESTATE, 6:00 P.M. CARLY: Do you have to go out tonight, again? PANEL 2. WE ARE INSIDE THE BEDROOM. IT IS CARLY'S PARENT'S BEDROOM, AS EVIDENCED NOT ONLY BY THE ORNATE FURNITURE -- A KING-SIZE AND ELEGANT BED, ARMOIRE, A CLOSET LINED WITH SUITS AND GLITTERING DRESSES, AND A VANITY (WE ARE LOOKING AT THIS AS THOUGH THROUGH THE VANITY'S MIRROR'S VIEW) -- BUT ALSO, BY THE WOMAN SITTING AT HER VANITY PUTTING ON JADE EARRINGS TO MATCH HER GLITTERING JADE-COLORED DRESS. THIS IS CARLY'S MOTHER, VENETTA MAZE. CARLY IS SITTING ON A SILK-COVERED DRESSING STOOL, FINGERING ONE OF HER MOTHER'S GOWNS A LITTLE DISTANCE AWAY. SHE IS NOT REACTING YET, BUT HER TAMPERING HAS JUST POPPED ONE OF THE GEMS FROM ITS SETTING. CARLY'S FATHER, BERNARD MAZE IS IN THE ROOM AS WELL. HE STANDS, ACROSS THE ROOM FROM CARLY'S MOTHER, VISIBLE ONLY BY THE MIRROR BEFORE HIM, TYING A TIE AND SPORTING A SOPHISTICATED MOUSTACHE. BERNARD: Yes, little lady, unfortunately we do.

CARLY: But I've been at the rink every day this week, and --

PANEL 3. THROUGH THE VANITY WE SEE, CARLY NOTICES THE GEM ON THE GROUND, AND FULL HORROR SHOWS ON HER FACE. MAYBE WE CAN USE THIS MOMENT TO SHOW HER NOT ONLY LOOKING HORRIFIED, BUT ALSO CHECKING TO SEE IF MOM OR DAD HAVE NOTICED. VENETTA IS NOW PUTTING ON HER OTHER EARRING, AND REACHING FOR HER PERFUME BOTTLE. BERNARD IS FIDGETING WITH HIS TIE, BUT CLEARLY AS AN IDLE FUNCTION. HE IS, QUITE FRANKLY, SMILING AT HIMSELF SMILING IN THE MIRROR.

VENETTA: Carly, don't start again. You know how busy your father gets.


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CARLY: (small words) I still haven't made any friends. BERNARD: No buts, lovey dovey! You know my promotions are good for us. Wowee! I look good.

PANEL 4. STILL THROUGH THE VANITY WE SEE CARLY, ROLLING HER EYES IN DISGUST WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY TRYING TO FIT THE GEM BACK INTO ITS SETTING, HAS MANAGED TO POP ANOTHER GEM OUT OF THE DRESS. VENETTA SPRAYING PERFUME AND EYEING HER MAN WITH A LECHEROUS LOOK CAN NOW SEE CARLY. A FAT, SLOBBERY-MOUTHED, MOSTLY UGLY DOG CAN BE SEEN WALKING IN THROUGH A DOOR, WHICH WAS NOT VISIBLE BEFORE VENETTA MOVED WITH A MARBLE STATUE. THIS DOG CAN BE AN ENGLISH BULLDOG OR BIGGER, BUT WE WANT THIS NEW CHARACTER TO BECOME THE HUMOROUS, IF NOT INNOCENT, VICTIM OF A CRIME IT IS OBVIOUS A DOG OF THIS NATURE LIKELY TO COMMIT. THIS IS WINSTON. BERNARD, PUTTING ON HIS COAT, AND FACING WINSTON, IS GIVING HER A WINK. THESE TWO ARE DISGUSTING, SO MAKE THIS EXCHANGE MELODRAMATIC.

VENETTA: Hush now, wretch, and take a look at your father! BERNARD: I'll bet you feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

PANEL 5. WE ARE LOOKING THROUGH THE DOOR FROM THE HALLWAY INTO THE BEDROOM AS BERNARD, OUT IN THE HALLWAY, CHASES AFTER WINSTON (RUNNING PAST US) WITH A WHIP IN ONE HAND AND THE MARBLE STATUE IN THE OTHER. IN WINSTON'S MOUTH IS ONE OF THE GEMS. VENETTA, LOOKING LIKE A TASK MASTER, IS POINTING TOWARDS WINSTON. SHE HAS HER RUINED DRESS CRUMPLED IN HER OTHER HAND. CARLY PEEKS OUT FROM BEHIND THE CRUMPLED DRESS, HOLDING ANOTHER GEM IN HER HAND AND LOOKING PERPLEXED.

VENETTA: BERNARD, WINSTON RUINED MY DRESS!! BERNARD: One step ahead of you love, he got into my trophy case again. CARLY: But... How?

PANEL 6. PULL OUT OF THE ESTATE'S HECTIC SCENE A MOMENT, AND LET'S GO TO ALFRED, THE CHAUFFEUR. MAKE THIS A WIDE SHOT, BUT CLOSE IN ON THE FRONT, PAST THE WATERFALL. WE CAN SEE IT IS NOW COMPLETELY DARK, A CAR, AND THE MANSION'S ENTRYWAY COLLONADE IS MADE OF GOLD. THE AWNING IS PINK. ALFRED LOOKS WORRIEDLY BACK AT THE HOUSE, ONE HAND ON AN OPEN DOOR OF THE CAR. CARLY, VENETTA, AND BERNARD ARE STILL TALKING, BUT BERNARD HAS CHASED WINSTON TO ANOTHER ROOM. ILLUSTRATE THIS WITH THE BALLOONS. VENETTA'S BALLOON CAN LOOK DROOPY, LIKE SHE IS CRYING OR ON THE BRINK OF TEARS.

ALFRED: Not again...


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VENETTA: It's ruined! I'll bet he slobbered all over it, too... BERNARD: Don't cry, my viper! You'll make us late reapplying your make up. VENETTA: Whoever let Winston out, pack your bags! You're fired!! CARLY: Does this mean I don't have to go to the rink?


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PAGE 2. 6 PANELS PANEL 1. WE ARE IN THE LIMO NOW, LOOKING THROUGH THE REARVIEW MIRROR. WE CAN SEE ALFRED'S TIRED EYES WATCHING CARLY, SHOWING CONSIDERABLE EMPATHY. WE SEE CARLY SITTING ADJACENT BERNARD AND VENETTA, CLUTCHING A SMALL PINK ELEPHANT IN ONE HAND, ANOTHER RESTING ON A PINK BACKPACK. VENETTA'S HAS HER MAKEUP IN HER LAP AND IS APPLYING IT ANGRILY. BERNARD IS WIPING SLOBBER OFF HIS SPORTS JACKET WITH A SELF-POSSESSED AIR.

VENETTA: Your urchin clings to her elephant like it's her only friend. CARLY: (Mumbling.) It is my only friend. VENETTA: Well, pumpkin, you don't need friends. Bernard? BERNARD: Why not try making some friends at the rink?

PANEL 2. CLOSE IN ON CARLY AS SHE SQUEEZES HER ELEPHANT MORE TIGHTLY. SHE LOOKS HORRIFIED. HER BLOND CURLS MAKE HER LOOK LIKE AN URCHIN WITH QUITE A BIT OF HAIR CARE. SHE'S WEARING A PINK POLKA-DOTTED DRESS WITH SUNSHINES AND SUNFLOWERS. HER BACKPACK IS OPEN, REVEALING A COLLECTION OF BOOKS FROM THE BOOKSTORE AT THE RINK. THESE SHOULD REPRESENT CARLY'S INTELLIGENCE, SUCH AS "WAR AND PEACE", "A TALE OF TWO CITIES", "THE WAR OF THE WORLDS".

CARLY: But why? I have Barbar! VENETTA: Oh, Bernard. Look what our absence has done. She's shy! Take that thing away. BERNARD: But... Well, I suppose you are right. Carly, hand Barbar over to me. CARLY: What!? NO!

PANEL 3. LOOKING BACK THROUGH THE REARVIEW MIRROR, WE CAN SEE ALFRED'S REACTION. HE IS HORRIFIED. VENETTA LEANS OVER BERNARD AND IS GRABBING FOR CARLY'S ELEPHANT. HERE, SHE CAN LOOK EVERY BIT LIKE THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST. BERNARD IS STROKING HIS CHIN, CLEARLY MAKING AN EFFORT AT IGNORING HIS WIFE'S RASH BEHAVIOR. CARLY IS CLEARLY FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE AGAINST HER MOTHER.

VENETTA: You don't deny the handsomest man in the world his words. Give that horrible animal... here! BERNARD: Venetta, dear, are we a little stressed tonight? I had no idea these dinners had such an affect on you.

PANEL 4. WE SEE ONLY VENETTA AND BERNARD. CARLY MIGHT BE IN THE PICTURE, BAWLING, BUT IT MIGHT BE SAFE TO SAY THIS IS UNDERSTOOD. FROM THIS VIEW WE SEE VENETTA'S HORRIBLE WOMANLY BEAUTY, ONE HAND HOLDING CARLY'S ELEPHANT OUT OF


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REACH OF BERNARD AND CARLY. SHE LOOKS AGHAST, AS THOUGH ACCUSED OF MURDER. BERNARD'S COOL, STEELY EYES ARE FIXED ON HER, ONE HAND STILL ON HIS CHIN, HIS OTHER OUTSTRETCHED TOWARD VENETTA.

VENETTA: Nonsense, my love! Why would you think that? I just think it is time Carly found herself some friends. BERNARD: Very well. I'll take Barbar. CARLY: But we'll just move again! I don't want to make new friends. ALFRED: We're nearing the rink, Master Maze.

PANEL 5. WE ARE LOOKING OVER BERNARD'S SHOULDER. HE HAS CARLY IN HIS ARMS. WE CAN SEE ALFRED EXITING THE DRIVER'S SEAT TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR CARLY. THIS LOOKS LIKE A TOUCHING MOMENT, A COMING OF AGE MOMENT, EXCEPT WE CAN CLEARLY SEE A TOWEL DRAPED OVER BERNARD'S SHOULDER, CATCHING CARLY'S TEARS.

BERNARD: Calm down now, pumpkin. Dry your eyes on Daddy and listen: do you think you can go and make a friend for me? Just one. CARLY: Okay, I'll try. BERNARD: That's the spirit! You'll be a Bernard Maze yet.

PANEL 6. THIS IS A BROAD SHOT OF THE CITY, WITH CARLY'S DROPOFF AT CENTER. WE CAN SEE A LARGE STRUCTURE, SIMILAR TO A MALL. A GLOWING NEON SIGN READS "THE RINK". IN THE BACKGROUND, A GRIM SORT OF SKYLINE SILHOUETTES OLD, CRUMBLING SKYSCRAPERS. LIT BY THE LIGHT FROM THE RINK, SEVERAL OTHER BUILDING FURTHER DEMONSTRATE THE DERELICT STATE OF THIS AREA. BUT TOWERING ABOVE THE SKYLINE IS AN ORNATE PIECE OF ARCHITECTURE, ALMOST ALIEN LOOKING. SEVERAL SPOTLIGHTS PUNCHING INTO THE NIGHT SKY CAN BE SEEN EMANATING FROM THIS STRUCTURE, INDICATING MOM AND DAD ARE OFF TO DINNER THERE. MAYBE EVEN HAVE A LIGHT ILLUMINATING "BERNARD MAZE, ENTREPRENEUR EXTRAORDINAIRE DINNER". FROM THIS SHOT WE CAN SEE THE LIMO PULLING AWAY, BERNARD'S HAND HANGING OUT THE WINDOW LOOKING LIKE HE HAS JUST LITTERED. CARLY IS RUNNING TOWARDS THE LIGHT, CLUTCHING HER BACKPACK IN ABSENCE OF BARBAR. BARBAR HAS JUST LANDED IN A PUDDLE NEAR A PAIR OF FADED SHOES.

No Dialogue.


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PAGE 3. 6 PANELS PANEL 1. THIS WILL BE ANOTHER BROADSHOT, BUT WE ARE INSIDE THE RINK. CARLY'S PARENTS SEEM TO HAVE THROWN HER TO THE DOGS, BUT THIS SHOT SHOULD CLEARLY ESTABLISH THE RINK'S FONDNESS FOR THIS SHY LITTLE GIRL, SO ALL HEADS ARE TURNED TOWARD CARLY. RIGHT NOW, SHE IS THE BRIGHTEST THING IN THE RINK WITH HER PINK DRESS AND GOLDEN HAIR, AND IT IS CLEAR HER PRESENCE ALONE REALLY LIGHTS UP THE PLACE. WE CAN SEE SEVERAL SHOPS: A SKATE SHOE RENTAL, A CONCESSION STAND/FOOD COURT, A COFFEE SHOP, A BOOKSTORE, AND A THRIFT STORE. THE WALLS ARE DRAB AND SPOTTED, IN DISREPAIR IN SOME PLACES, AND SEVERAL OF THE STORES HAVE AN "ADD-ON" LOOK, LIKE SOME SORT OF RETAIL GROWTH. BUT LET'S SHOW SOME FORMER GLORY STUFF HERE AS WELL. SOME OLD LAMP POSTS LINE THE MAIN THOROUGHFARE DOWN WHICH CARLY WALKS TOWARD A MARBLED OUT-OF-SERVICE FOUNTAIN WITH A FISH CARVING FOR THE FOUNTAINHEADS. THE FLOORING IS A FADED MARBLE AS WELL, AND DECADES OF BUFFING HAVE WORN AWAY ITS SHINE, AS WELL AS EMBEDDED DIRT. SEVERAL OF THE SHOP OWNERS HAVE THEIR HANDS RAISED IN FRIENDLY GREETING, EACH IN DIFFERENT MODES OF OPERATION: CLEANING, COOKING, VENDING, AND SO ON. EVEN THE LOITERING KIDS, TEENS, AND PARENTS ARE WAVING HELLO TO CARLY, EXCEPT THE BOOKSTORE OWNER. HE DOES NOT WAVE. INSTEAD, HE IS ADJUSTING HIS GLASSES AS HE LEANS AGAINST THE DOOR, AND HAS A WRY SMILE ON HIS FACE AS HE HOLDS UP AN OPENED BOOK.

SKATE RENTAL OWNER: Hello. CONCESSION STAND OWNER: Well, hey Carly! COFFEE SHOP OWNER: Double latte tonight, Carly? KID #1: Carly! KID #2: Hey, wanna play jacks? TEEN #1: Carly, what's up? TEEN #2: Yo. PARENT #1: Hey, I was worried you wouldn't show up today. CARLY: Hey everyone! If it's alright with you all, I'm just going to read for a little while.

PANEL 2. SO, IF IT WAS NOT CLEAR, WE WERE WATCHING CARLY MAKE HER ENTRANCE. ALSO, THIS WILL BE ANOTHER BROAD SHOT. NOW WE ARE WATCHING HER AS SHE MAKES HER WAY INTO THE RINK. WE CAN NOW SEE WHY IT HAS ITS NAME. PASSED ALL THE NOW SILENT STOREKEEPERS AND SOLICITORS, WE CAN SEE AN IMMENSE SKATING RINK FULL OF SKATERS, BIKERS, AND THE LIKE. SOME ARE RESTING ON THE BENCHES AND STANDS ON EITHER SIDE. VERY CLEARLY, WE CAN SEE A COLLECTION OF BOYS IN THE CORNER. THIS IS BRANDON AND HIS GANG. ADDITIONALLY, WE CAN SEE A WOMAN JOGGING AROUND THE RINK WEARING PINK JOGGING GEAR. SOME OF THE SHOPKEEPERS HAVE A


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CONCERNED LOOK, BUT NOT MANY. THE BOOKSTORE OWNER IS PRACTICALLY GLOWING WITH EXCITEMENT, HIS HAND IS RAISED IN GREETING, AS IT LOOKS LIKE CARLY IS MAKING A BEELINE FOR HIS SHOP. MAYBE HAVE CARLY'S HEAD DOWN, AVOIDING EYE CONTACT TO SUBSTANTIATE SOME OF THE CONCERNS EXPRESSED HERE.

KID #1: Hey, what's with her? KID #2: Maybe you shouldn't sound so desperate. KID #1: Shut up! What do you know? KID #2: (Mumbling.) You're the one with a crush. KID #1: SHUT UP!! COFFEE SHOP OWNER: No problem, hun. That double latte's not goin' anywhere. You come back anytime tonight. SKATE RENTAL OWNER: That's odd. CONCESSION STAND OWNER: ¡Si, Que fastidiado está! Is not like her, man.

PANEL 3. WE ARE LOOKING AT CARLY THROUGH A GROUP OF A DOZEN BOYS, WITH TWO ON THE GROUND LOOKING WORSE FOR THE WEAR. BEHIND CARLY, WE SEE THE BOOKSTORE OWNER LOOKING SOMEWHAT DISAPPOINTED CARLY DID NOT STOP AND SAY HELLO. SHE IS WAVING TO HIM, BUT ALREADY HAS HER NOSE STUCK IN A BOOK. THE BOYS, APART FROM THE ONES WITH THEIR FEET ON THE TWO ON THE GROUND, WATCH THE SCENE LIKE WOLVES ON THE PROWL. THEY EACH WEAR A PATCHWORK JACKET WITH A MOUSE'S SKULL OVER CROSSBONES. ONE OF THE KIDS IN PARTICULAR, WITH A SHOCK OF SPIKEY SANDY-BROWN HAIR HAS A PARTICULARLY FERAL LOOK. THIS IS BRANDON.

BRANDON: Sorry? SORRY! Sorry's not good enough. RICH KID #2: What do you want from us? Ow! BRANDON: I want you to leave my boys alone. BRANDON: No jokes. No pranks. Nothing. RICH KID #1: S-sure whatever you say! Now can we please go?

PANEL 4. WE ARE LOOKING OVER CARLY'S SHOULDER. SHE HAS STOWED HER BOOK IN HER BACKPACK (SOMEWHAT HASTILY AS IT STICKS ABOVE THE POUCH) AND IS CROSSING HER ARMS. BRANDON IS WHEELING AROUND ON HER, AN ANGRY KIND OF SURPRISE SPREADING OVER HIS FACE. SEVERAL OF BRANDON'S GANG ARE SCRATCHING THEIR HEADS OUT OF EMBARASSMENT. ONE OF THE MEMBERS IS LOOKING AT BRANDON WITH APPARENT FRUSTRATION, HIS ARMS FOLDED. NONE OF THE MEMBERS SEEM TO SEE THE RICH KIDS RUNNING AND LIMPING AWAY.

CARLY: Are you picking on people again, Brandon? We had a deal, you know.


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BRANDON: Mind your own business Carly! These rich snobs were picking on my smallest guy. RICH KID #1: I'm getting Stacey for this one. RICH KID #2: Yeah, someone call security! CARLY: (small voice) Were you wanting to talk to them some more? 'Cause...

PANEL 5. BRANDON IS IN CARLY'S FACE NOW, AND WE'RE GOING IN CLOSE, TOO. CARLY'S SHINING PERSONALITY AND BLUE EYES ARE A DARK CONTRAST TO BRANDON'S RAGE-FILLED, BLOODSHOT EYES AND UNKEMPT-LOOKING HAIR. HE EVEN SPORTS A SINISTER-LOOKING SCAR ON HIS LEFT CHEEK.

BRANDON: You planned this? CARLY: For those jerks? They threw coffee on one of my dresses at last year's Christmas party. CARLY: Wishful thinking, Brandon. GANG MEMBER #1: Brand', yo, chillax bro. She's dead-on. GANG MEMBER #2: Dude, the only friend she has is that stupid elephant of hers.

PANEL 6. WE CAN SEE CARLY, BRANDON, AND HIS GANG HANGING AROUND THE BLEACHERS NOW FROM ONE OF THE SKATER'S RAMPS. THE SKATE RINK IS STILL PRETTY BUSY AND WE CAN SEE A FEW BOARDERS PULLING SOME FLIPS, AERIALS, AND ZANY STUNTS. BUT WE ARE CLOSE ENOUGH WE CAN SEE THE SURPRISE ON THE GANG MEMBERS' FACES. CARLY IS MAKING A PERSUASIVE, IF NOT SHOCKING SPEECH, AND BRANDON IS HOLDING HIS HEAD LIKE HE JUST RECEIVED HIS FIRST ANEURISM.

BRANDON: Dude, the rich stick with rich. Poor with poor. It's how this system works. Us work. Rich idle. CARLY: Not every rich person is like that, and I can prove it to you... CARLY: If you let me join your gang!


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PAGE 4. 3 Panels PANEL 1. WE ARE IN THE RINK, LOOKING AT BRANDON AND HIS GANG. WE CAN SEE CARLY'S BRIGHT BLUE SNEAKERS. ONE OF THE SNEAKERS IS AT AN ANGLE, DEMONSTRATING CARLY'S NERVOUS REACTION AT BEING SPOTTED WITH BRANDON'S CREW. WE CAN ALSO SEE A VERY UPSET-LOOKING SECURITY GUARD. HER HAIR IS BROWN AND IN A PONYTAIL. SHE LOOKS ABOUT AS STIFF AS HER STARCHED SHIRT. THIS IS STACEY GROSSMAN, ONE OF THE RINK'S SECURITY GUARDS. SEVERAL SKATERS HAVE STOPPED ON THE RAMPS AND ARE POINTING TOWARDS THE COMMOTION. BRANDON IS ON THE FLOOR, LOOKING LIKE A SEMI HIT HIM. SEVERAL GANG MEMBERS, ALERTED BY THE TIRADE STACEY IS LAUNCHING, ARE BOLTING. A COUPLE IS HOISTING THE DAZED BRANDON UP, CARRYING HIM LIKE A WOUNDED SOLDIER OFF THE BATTLEFIELD. BRANDON IS RESPONDING TO STACEY, BUT IT MIGHT BE IMPORTANT TO MAKE HIS BUBBLE INDICATE HE IS STILL RECOVERING FROM THE SHOCK OF CARLY'S BRAZEN REQUEST.

STACEY: Brandon, I've got two witnesses and several bruises on them proving you and yours were involved in some domestic violence! BRANDON: Wha-? Pickin' on... Pickles... CARLY: Brandon, snap out of it! Am I in or not? GANG MEMBER #1: Oh no! It's Stacey run for it. GANG MEMBER #2: Help me with Brand', bro. GANG MEMBER #3: You got it.

PANEL 2. WE ARE INSIDE THE SECURITY OFFICE; STACEY SITS AT HER DESK, LOOKING LIKE A GENERAL OVERSEEING COURT MARTIAL. SHE HAS CARLY IN HER SIGHTS. FROM THIS ANGLE, WE CAN SEE THE BACK OF THE OFFICE AND SEVERAL OF BRANDON'S GANG LINED UP LIKE TROPHIES, PINNED TO THE WALL, THEIR FACES THE EPITOME OF MISERY, SHAME, AND DAZED DEFEAT. CARLY LOOKS OUT OF PLACE IN HER PINK DRESS AND BLUE SNEAKERS. SHE'S HUGGING HER BACKPACK AND BURYING HER FACE IN IT. ANOTHER SECURITY OFFICER IS IN THE OFFICE AND WE CAN SEE FROM THE PLACARD HIS NAME IS JIM POWERS. HE IS FACING AWAY FROM US, WITH THE SECURITY SCREENS IN FRONT OF HIM.

CAPTION: Moments Later... STACEY: You know better than to be associating with those boys, Carly. So, what were you doing there? CARLY: They stick together. STACEY: I beg your pardon? CARLY: ... SFX: ZzZzZzZz STACEY: Listen to me: those boys don't have anything but themselves. But that doesn't make them good -- Jim! JIM: *snort* 's lookin' good Stace. 's lookin' good!


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STACEY: Just because you're sweet, honey, doesn't mean everyone else is. Don't be so naive.

PANEL 3. WE ARE LOOKING AT THE FRONT OF THE SECURITY OFFICE. THE DOOR IS CRASHING AGAINST THE WALL, AND WE CAN SEE STACEY, LOOKING AFTER CARLY WITH CONCERN. CARLY IS WALKING OUT THE DOOR, FURY AND EMBARASSMENT WRITTEN ON HER FACE.

STACEY: Alright sweety, now you stay away from those boys, you hear? CARLY: I'm thirsty. Going to get some coffee.

END OF ACT ONE


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ACT TWO PAGE 5. 6 PANELS PANEL 1. WE ARE IN THE COFFEE SHOP FROM EARLIER NOW AND WE CAN SEE OUT, TOWARD THE RINK. CARLY IS SITTING IN ONE OF THE BAR STOOLS NURSING A DOUBLE LATTE. SHE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE RAINCLOUDS COVERING THE SUNSHINES ON HER DRESS. IN THE DISTANCE, WE CAN SEE WOMAN IN THE PINK JOGGING OUTFIT. SHE IS AN OLD LADY, AND HER NAME IS RUTH BENNETT. SHE IS JOGGING TOWARD THE COFFEE SHOP, LOOKING, FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, AS THOUGH SHE IS TURNING FOR ANOTHER LAP.

No Dialogue PANEL 2. NOW WE SEE RUTH BENNETT'S FACE. SHE HAS DEEP BLUE EYES THAT COULD CAPTURE A COASTAL SUNRISE WITH A SINGLE TWINKLING OF THEM. IN HER EYES, IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THIS WOMAN KNOWS A GREAT MANY THINGS, AND RIGHT NOW THEY ARE FIXED ON, AND REFLECT, CARLY.

RUTH: It's not like Bernard's daughter to look so glum. Tell me, dear, what's on your mind?

PANEL 3. WE CAN SEE CARLY AND RUTH AT THE TABLE, CARLY LOOKS TO BE DEEP IN CONVERSATION WITH RUTH. THIS SHOP LOOKS LIKE A CUTAWAY FROM AN OLD DINER. IT EVEN HAS THE MIRROR RUNNING THE LENGTH OF THE WALL. RUTH APPEARS TO BE ATTENDING HER EVERY WORD. THE COFFEE SHOP OWNER IS POORLY FEIGNING DISINTEREST, BUT IT IS CLEAR BY HER INCLINED HEAD THAT SHE IS EAVESDROPPING. CARLY'S COFFEE IS NOW EMPTY, THE GLASS NOTICEABLY FORGOTTEN.

CARLY: ... And now Stacey thinks I'm looking for trouble. RUTH: *chuckling* Well, my dear, aren't you? CARLY: No, I -- RUTH: Carly, not all trouble will spell disaster. Sometimes we need it to get us further than we are. You are playing with fire, so be careful with your heart.

PANEL 4. WE ARE LOOKING OVER RUTH'S SHOULDER NOW, BUT WE CAN STILL SEE THE REGISTER AND THE COFFEE SHOP LADY. RUTH LOOKS SAGELY, GIVING HER ADVICE. MAYBE SHE EVEN HAS HER INDEX FINGER UP AS THOUGH INDICATING SHE HOLDS THE GOSPEL ON ITS TIP. THE COFFEE SHOP OWNER LOOKS NOTICEABLY PERTERBED. SHE IS CLEANING THAT COFFEE MUG WAY TO VIGOROUSLY. AND CARLY LOOKS POSITIVELY SPELLBOUND. IN THE MIRROR, WE CAN SEE ANOTHER GUEST HAS ARRIVED. IT IS STACEY.


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CARLY: What do you mean? RUTH: Just this: don't throw all your hope into saving that boy. COFFEE SHOP OWNER: Grandma Ruth! What are you doing? RUTH: Whatever do you mean? COFFEE SHOP OWNER: You know exactly what I mean! Why you filling this girls head with nonsense?

PANEL 5. CARLY IS MAKING AN EXIT, NEARLY SPRINTING FOR THE DOOR. SHE LOOKS HAPPY. RENEWED. STACEY IS LEANING ON THE BAR BESIDE RUTH, AND HAS RUTH'S ATTENTION. THE COFFEE SHOP OWNER IS WAVING GOOD-BYE TO CARLY, A LOOK OF CONCERN ON HER FACE.

CARLY: Thanks for the coffee. And thanks for the talk. I gotta go. COFFEE SHOP OWNER: You come back anytime, hon. And don't pay Ruth here any mind, dear. I'll see you later. STACEY: Coffee. Dark. To go. STACEY: What games are you playing now, Ruth? RUTH: Games? I was jogging and thought I'd cheer the girl up. That's all. STACEY: You're going to get her in trouble.

PANEL 6. THIS IS A LARGE PANEL, A BROAD SHOT. THE COFFEE SHOP IS BEHIND US AND WE ARE FOLLOWING CARLY IN A SPRINT DOWN ONE OF THE RINK'S THOROUGHFARES. BUT WE ARE CLOSE ENOUGH WE CAN SEE STACEY IN HER UNIFORM, DISTINGUISHINGLY ATTRACTIVE, LEAVING THE SHOP AS WELL. STACEY HAS A COFFEE CUP IN HER HAND, AND WE CAN BARELY SEE THE COFFE SHOP OWNER WAVING FAREWELL TO STACEY. RUTH IS LOOKING OVER HER SHOULDER AFTER STACEY, AFTER CARLY. AND THERE IS A TWINKLE IN HER EYE.

STACEY: Looks like I have a busy night. I'm off. COFFEE SHOP OWNER: See you later. And, Stace... Don't worry about this old lady. I'll keep my eye on her. STACEY: Keep both on her if you can. CARLY: I'll get a friend today yet!


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PAGE 6. 7 PANELS PANEL 1. CARLY IS STANDING BEFORE BRANDON AND HIS GANG. THEY ARE AT THEIR HIDEOUT, HANGING OUT. SOME OF THE BOYS ARE SMOKING, AND SOME ARE DRINKING. ALL THESE BOYS LOOK LIKE MEN WITH ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE. CARLY IS POINTING AT BRANDON, AND BRANDON, BARELY RECOVERED FROM CARLY'S LAST BARRAGE OF HAPPY FEELINGS, LOOKS ALARMED, DEFENSIVE AS THOUGH HE IS PREPARING FOR ANOTHER PIERCING KISS OF SUNLIGHT INTO HIS DARK WORLD.

CARLY: Brandon, will you let me join your gang or not? BRANDON: Are you crazy? Why would a rich girl, someone who has everything, want to do that? CARLY: I don't have friends. I want you, all of you, to be my friends.

PANEL 2. THE REACTION IS PALPABLE. BEHIND THE BOY'S HIDEOUT, A SMOKESTACK PUNCHES INTO THE SKY, BILLOWING BLACK SMOKE. THE SKIES ARE A HIDEOUS COLOR -- RED OR SOMETHING. SEVERAL OF THE BOYS HAVE THAT FERAL WOLF LOOK IN THEIR EYES. WE CAN SEE BRANDON'S EYES. THEY ARE VICIOUS, PRIMAL. HE HAS FOUND HIS PREY.

BRANDON: If that is what you want, I'll let you join after we initiate you. BRANDON: We're going to need you to distract Stacey tonight. If you can manage that I'll consider letting you join me and my boys when we do some real work.

PANEL 3. WE ARE LOOKING AT CARLY NOW. SHE IS NO STRANGER TO THIS KIND OF TREATMENT, AND HER DOUBT AT BRANDON'S SINCERITY SHOWS ON HER FACE. SHE IS CLEARLY DEBATING WHETHER SHE SHOULD MAKE THIS DEAL.

No Dialogue PANEL 4. WE ARE LOOKING AT BRANDON AND HIS GANG, OR, MORE IMPORTANTLY, THEIR REACTION TO THIS STRANGE BREACH OF GANG CODE. THE SHOCK ON THEIR FACES IS ILLUMINATING, BUT BRANDON LOOKS DETERMINED, RESOLUTE. MAYBE HE HAS HIS ARMS CROSSED, MAYBE IF WE HAVE HIM TOWERING OVER THE SCENE WE CAN ALSO BRING THE MENACE IN HIM TO BEAR. DESPITE ALL THIS APPARENT DISAPPROVAL AND PLAYMAKING, CARLY IS OUTSHINING EVERYONE. HER HOPES ARE HIGH, AND HER SPIRIT MAGNANIMOUS. SHE MAY EVEN HAVE HER FIST, THE ONE THAT WAS POINTING AT BRANDON, BALLED UP LIKE SHE HAS JUST GRASPED THE FABRIC OF LIFE AND IS DETERMINED TO HOLD ONTO IT.


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CARLY: You got it, Brandon. I'll be the best gang member yet! You'll see.

PANEL 5. CARLY HAS SPLIT. SHE IS OFF TO THE RACES TO PROVE HER WORTH AS A NEW MEMBER OF BRANDON'S GANG. BRANDON'S GANG, HOWEVER, IS OBJECTING. SOME LOOK TENSE, AGGRAVATED. OTHERS ARE OPENLY OBJECTING. THEY STAND BEFORE BRANDON, STILL LOOKING STALWART AND INTIMIDATING, IN DEFIANCE. WE SEE ONE GANG MEMBER, PERHAPS NOT SO OBVIOUSLY, NOT ONLY GRASPING THE SITUATION, BUT ALSO DEMONSTRATING NO SMALL AMOUNT OF CONCERN.

GANG MEMBER #1: Brand', what are you thinkin' bro? GANG MEMBER #2: Yeah, what gives? GANG MEMBER #3: We can't let a girl join! GANG MEMBER #4: Much less a rich one. BRANDON: Do you really think I'd let that happen? I've got something valuable of hers.

PANEL 6. WE ARE LOOKING AT BRANDON AGAIN, BUT WE CAN SEE THE LAST GANG MEMBER MENTIONED ABOVE. BRANDON'S TRUE NATURE IS COMING OUT. HE IS THE EPITOME OF VINDICTIVE RAGE AND VICTIMIZATION. THE GANG MEMBER IS LOOKING AT BRANDON WITH DISAPPROVAL, AND SHOWING NO SMALL AMOUNT OF DELIBERATION.

GANG MEMBER #5: Yeah, but Brand' she's the only rich kid that's always giving us -- BRANDON: You think I -- we -- need her pity? GANG MEMBER #5: She just wants fr-- BRANDON: I don't care! After all the humiliation we have faced at the expense of the rich. It's time for some payback.

PANEL 7. THIS MIGHT BE DIFFICULT TO SQUEEZE IN, BUT ITS TIME WE SHOW OUR READERS THIS PARTICULAR GANG MEMBER'S DELIBERATION, AND, CONSEQUENTLY HIS DECISION. WE CAN SEE THE GANG MEMBER LEAVING THE ALLEY LEADING INTO BRANDON'S GANG'S HIDEOUT. HE IS LEAVING, BUT NOT WITHOUT HESITATION. HE IS LOOKING BACK WITH THAT KIND OF KNOWING. HE LOOKS DETERMINED TO SEE SOME CHANGE. AND HIS FAITH LAYS IN CARLY AS EVIDENCED BY THE PINK ELEPHANT IN HIS HAND. FALLING FROM HIS OTHER HAND IS HIS JACKET. THIS BOY ACTUALLY LOOKS DECENT WITHOUT THE JACKET, AS THOUGH HE'S FOUND A NEW BEGINNING.


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PAGE 7. 6 PANELS PANEL 1. WE ARE OUTSIDE A STORE. THE SIGNAGE ABOVE THE STORE READS "JIM'S HARDWARE". WE CAN SEE CARLY INSIDE, SHOPPING BUT LOOKING ABSOLUTELY LOST. THE STORE OWNER IS IDLE, READING A HARWARE MAGAZINE. WALKING IN THROUGH THE DOOR, WE CAN SEE A PAIR OF SHOES. THEY ARE HEADING STRAIGHT FOR CARLY.

CARLY: What kinds of things do you get for a good prank?

PANEL 2. THIS IS A CLOSE UP OF CARLY AND GANG MEMBER #5. HIS NAME WILL BE JUSTIN. RIGHT NOW, HE LOOKS POSITIVELY SUAVE, BUT HE ALSO LOOKS A LITTLE NERVOUS AND BASHFUL. CARLY IS REACTING IN SURPRISE, AS SHE DID NOT EXPECT ANYONE.

JUSTIN: H-Hey Carly! I think you should know... CARLY: Justin!? Good. I was just wondering what to buy for these pranks. Help me out here. JUSTIN: Huh? Oh. Sure.

PANEL 3. CARLY IS AT THE REGISTER WITH ALL HER HARDWARE ON THE REGISTER. WE SEE THE CASHIER TALLYING UP HER GOODS. HE IS LAUGHING, LIKE HE HAS JUST HEARD THE BEST JOKE IN A WHILE. WE CAN ALSO SEE JUSTIN. HE IS PUTTING SOMETHING PINK INTO HIS JEAN POCKET AND GIVING CARLY A SIDELONG GLANCE.

HARDWARE STORE OWNER: What are you kids up to? CARLY: Pranks! HARDWARE STORE OWNDER: Ha! Ha! Ha! I guess I deserve that. You want to get any candy with that? Something to sweeten the deal for your ol' dad? CARLY: My dad? No I'm good.

PANEL 4. THIS IS AN AERIAL SHOT. WE CAN SEE CARLY AND JUSTIN IS BENT OVER A TABLE IN A MAINTENANCE CLOSET. SEVERAL OF THE SACKS ARE ON THE TABLE AND ON THE FLOOR WITH TACKS SPREAD OVER THE TABLE. A SINGLE LIGHT ILLUMINATES THE SPACE ABOVE THEM. CARLY AND JUSTIN SEEM TO BE HARD AT WORK MAKING... TACK PAPER... BOTH LOOK LIKE THEY ARE HAVING A GOOD CONVERSATION.

CARLY: You didn't! Then what? JUSTIN: Well, then Brandon took a bat and made extra certain, well, you know. CARLY: *giggle* That Brandon. He sure is mean sometimes. Why is that?


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PANEL 5. WE CAN SEE JUSTIN'S FACE NOW. HE IS USING ONE HAND TO PUT A PIECE OF TACK PAPER ON TOP OF A STACK OF THEM, AND ANOTHER TO GRAB A BAG OF FLOUR. IN FRONT OF HIM ARE SEVERAL WATER BALLOONS. HE LOOKS PENSIVE, TORN. THE DIM LIGHTING MIGHT BE USED TO ACCENTUATE THE DARK FEELINGS HE IS HARBORING.

JUSTIN: I don't know, to be honest. But I do know he talks an awful lot about his dad. CARLY: Oh yeah? I've never heard Brandon talk about his family. JUSTIN: The way he tells it, for good reason, too. His dad, you might say, is the cause of Brandon's... anger? JUSTIN: His dad was a businessman, you see, and -- CARLY: Don't. I get it, I think. My dad's the same way.

PANEL 6. WE ARE LEVEL WITH THEM AT THE TABLE NOW. THEY ARE SITTING ON STOOLS. THE TABLE IS WOODEN AND WELL USED. THERE MIGHT BE A LOCKER AGAINST THE WALL NEAR THEM, AND WE CAN SEE THE DOOR. THE DOOR IS MADE OF STEEL. JUSTIN IS LOOKING AT CARLY, AND THERE'S A GLINT IN HIS EYE. WHERE WE COULD SEE SIGNS OF HIS UNCERTAINTY, WE SEE NOW THAT JUSTIN IS FULLY COMMITTED TO HELPING CARLY. CARLY IS GIVING OFF THAT GLOW AGAIN. THE ROOM SEEMS LIGHTER NOW.

JUSTIN: He is? But, you're nothing like Brandon. CARLY: I mean my dad isn't the best, but... he's my dad. That's just the way I see it. JUSTIN: Say, you want to join his gang, right? CARLY: Well, yeah. Why do you think I'm doing this? JUSTIN: I know just the way.


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PAGE 8. 3 PANELS PANEL 1. BUCKLE UP! EVERYTHING HAS BEEN BUILDING TO THIS POINT. WE KNOW BRANDON IS UP TO HIS USUAL TRICKS, BUT HE HAS NOT FACTORED IN THE CHANCE ONE OF HIS OWN GANG MEMBERS MIGHT SPILL THE BEANS. JUSTIN HAS SIDED WITH CARLY AND HE HAS A PLAN. THESE TO POWERS ARE ABOUT TO MEET, AND THE RINK'S STAFF ARE ABOUT TO GET CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE. I WANT THE THREE PANELS HERE TO SHOW SIMULTANEOUS ACTION: CARLY AND JUSTIN'S PRANKS TRIGGERING AN ADVERSE AFFECT ON BRANDON'S GANG AND THEIR PRANKS. HOWEVER, IF THIS SEEMS FEASIBLE AS A SINGLE PAGE SPREAD, PLEASE MAKE IT SO. I ALSO WANT IT TO SLOWLY DAWN ON CARLY THAT SHE MIGHT BE INADVERTENTLY HELPING SOMEONE ELSE'S AGENDA. JUSTIN SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE PINK ELEPHANT. EACH OF THESE PANELS WILL BE A BROAD SHOT. IN THIS FIRST PANEL IT IS WELL PAST MIDNIGHT, WE ARE IN THE RINK'S RAFTERS. WE CAN SEE TWO BOYS WALKING INTO A JANITORIAL CLOSET, OR THE CUTOUT OF WHAT WOULD OBVIOUSLY BE A JANITORIAL CLOSET, WITH A CAN OF GASOLINE AND LIT MATCH OR WHAT MIGHT PASS AS A MOLOTOV. ONLY THEY ARE STANDING IN A PUDDLE WITH AN OVERTURNED BUCKET OR TUB AT THEIR FEET. THEY ARE DRENCHED. AND THE FLAME IS LITTLE MORE THAN A WISP OF SMOKE. DOWN THE HALLWAY, WE CAN SEE A MAN WITH A MOP BUCKET AND MOP TURNING AROUND IN ALARM. CARLY AND JUSTIN ARE PEEKING AROUND A CORNER A LITTLE WAYS BEHIND THE BOYS. CARLY HAS HER MOUTH COVERED IN ALARM. SHE LOOKS AS THOUGH SHE COMMITTED A CRIME. JUSTIN, JUST IN FRONT OF CARLY IS SNICKERING HIS HEAD OFF.

No Dialogue. PANEL 2. IN THIS SECOND PANEL, IT IS DAYLIGHT AGAIN, POSSIBLY EARLY MORNING. WE ARE AT GROUND LEVEL, BUT CAN SEE MUCH OF THE RINK. THE BIKERS ARE AT THE RINK DOING THEIR STUNTS AND HAVING A GOOD TIME. SOME HAVE STOPPED AND ARE LAUGHING. WE CAN SEE A COLLECTION OF BOYS WITH BATS ON BIKES. THEIR TIRES ARE FLAT, AND WE CAN SEE THE TACK PAPER STUCK TO THEM. SOME OF THEM LOOK DEJECTED OR BEAT. BRANDON LOOKS A LITTLE UPSET. ONE OR TWO OF THE BOYS ARE HURTLING TOWARD THE LAUGHING BIKERS, BATS RAISED. IN THE DISTANCE, WE SEE CARLY LOOKING WITH SURPRISE AT JUSTIN. WE CAN SEE JUSTIN AGLOW WITH GLEE IGNORANT OF CARLY'S LOOK, OR WHERE SHE IS LOOKING. STICKING CONSPICUOUSLY FROM HIS PANT POCKET IS BARBAR. BARBAR LOOKS LIKE HE IS REACHING OUT TO CARLY, PLEAING FOR HER TO SAVE HIM FROM JUSTIN'S DARK POCKET. OPPOSITE CARLY AND JUSTIN, WE CAN SEE STACEY APPROACHING BRANDON AND HIS GANG WITH SPEED AND RAGE. YOU COULD MAKE THIS ANTHROPOMORPHISM, MAYBE GIVE STACEY SOME SQUEALING TIRES, FIERY HAIR, AND ANGRY EYES AS SHE RUSHES TOWARD THEM.


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No Dialogue. PANEL 3. WE ARE BACK IN THE RAFTERS. IT IS CLOSER TO MIDDAY, AND WE CAN SEE A GANG MEMBER COLLAPSED IN THE SOUND BOOTH, LOOKING DAZED. HE HAS AN EMPTY BAG OF MARBLES IN HIS HAND AND THE MARBLES ARE SPILLED ALL OVER THE SOUND BOOTH. PEERING INTO THE SOUND BOOTH IS, YOURS TRULY: STACEY. BELOW, WE CAN SEE THE ROLLER BLADERS OUT IN FORCE, DOING THEIR WORK. ONE OR TWO MIGHT BE LOOKING UP, BECAUSE WE MOSTLY SEE A FLOCK OF PIGEONS IN FLIGHT TOWARD US. WE CAN MAKE OUT CARLY, HOLDING HER PINK ELEPHANT ABOVE HER HEAD, LOOKING LIKE SHE IS SHOUTING. JUSTIN IS TURNED, WAVING HIS HANDS IN DEFENSE, BUT CARLY IS POINTING TO THE FRONT OF THE SECURITY OFFICE WHERE WE SEE A PILE OF BRANDON'S GANG PILED. JUSTIN IS SHAKING HIS HEAD, AS THOUGH DENYING ANY PERSONAL VENDETTA AGAINST BRANDON.

No Dialogue.


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PAGE 9. 4 PANELS PANEL 1. THIS IS A BROAD SHOT. WE ARE AT GROUND LEVEL. ON ONE END WE CAN SEE CARLY, AND ON THE OTHER WE CAN SEE THE PILE OF BODIES OUTSIDE THE SECURITY OFFICE. IT MIGHT BE EASIER TO MAKE IT APPARENT THIS IS THE SECURITY OFFICE. THE LETTERS ARE STENCILED ACROSS A PANE OF GLASS ON THE DOOR. JUSTIN IS RUNNING AWAY FROM CARLY, THE ELEPHANT TUCKED BENEATH HIS ARM. BARBAR LOOKS TERRIFIED, AND PROBABLY EVEN SICKLY. CARLY LOOKS SURPRISED, OFF-GUARD. SHE IS JUST REALIZING BARBAR HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM HER AGAIN. BRANDON IS JUMPING FROM THE PILE OF BODIES, LOOKING BRUISED AND BATTERED. HE IS HEADED DIRECTLY FOR JUSTIN, HIS EYES FIXED ON BARBAR. WE CAN SEE STACEY AT THE VERY EDGE OF THIS SHOT TOSSING HER LAST VICTIM ON THE PILE AND LOOKING IN SURPRISE AT BRANDON AS HE IS LEAPING FROM THE PILE. ALSO WORTH NOTING, WE SEE WHAT LOOKS LIKE A REMOTE DETONATION TRIGGER IN ONE OF BRANDON'S HANDS.

No Dialogue. PANEL 2. WE ARE ON THE GROUND WITH JUSTIN. BRANDON TOWERS OVER JUSTIN, HOLDING BARBAR VICTORIOUSLY ALOFT. BARBAR HAS FAINTED FROM TERROR. PERHAPS ADD A HALO AROUND BARBAR, INDICATING BRANDON HAS JUST ACHIEVED AN AWARD OR ACQUIRED A GREAT TREASURE. JUSTIN LOOKS DAZED AND ROUGHED UP. BRANDON LOOKS LIKE A CONQUEROR AND HE HAS THE REMOTE DETONATION TRIGGER PRIMED, HIS THUMB DEPRESSED ON THE TRIGGER. BEHIND JUSTIN WE SEE STACEY FLYING TOWARD HIM AGAIN, LOOKING EVERY BIT THE RAGING BULL OR, FOR CONSISTENCY, A SOUPED UP RICER.

No Dialogue. PANEL 3. THIS IS ANOTHER BROAD SHOT. WE ARE SLIGHTLY CLOSER TO THE SCENE. STACEY IS ON TOP OF BRANDON, BEATING HIM WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS LIFE WITH HER NIGHTSTICK. CARLY IS HOLDING BARBAR IN HER HANDS AND PATTING JUSTIN ON THE HEAD. JUSTIN IS STILL DAZED. JIM POWERS IS PEAKING OUT OF THE OFFICE LOOKING SLEEPY. IF WE CAN DO ANOTHER REACTION SEQUENCE WITH JIM, I ALSO WANT HIS FACE TO SHOW THE SHOCK HE GETS WHEN HE NOTICES THE PILE OF BODIES OUTSIDE THE SECURITY OFFICE. AND IF WE CAN DO A THIRD, I WANT US TO SEE THAT SOLITARY BEAD OF SWEAT FALLING DOWN HIS FACE AS HE BEGINS CALCULATING THE PAPERWORK HE WILL BE DOING TODAY. IN ADDITION, FALLING FROM THE RAFTER IS A SHOWER OF FLOUR LIKE NO OTHER. PERHAPS IN THE BACKGROUND WE CAN HAVE RALPH, THE JANITOR, WITH A LITTLE RAINCLOUD OVER HIS HEAD AS HE IS HOISTING A BROOM AND SHOVEL FROM HIS JANITORIAL TOTE.


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No dialogue. PANEL 4. WE ARE IN THE SECURITY OFFICE NOW, AND SO IS CARLY. OUTSIDE, THROUGH THE BLINDS, WE CAN SEE A BUNCH OF SILHOUETTES. ONE IS CLEARLY STACEY, AND SHE IS MARCHING PAST THE OTHER SILHOUETTES LIKE A GESTAPO INSPECTOR. EACH OF THE OTHER SILHOUETTES ARE HANGING THEIR HEADS. ONE IS NURSING A FRESH LUMP ON THE HEAD. CARLY IS AT STACEY'S DESK, AS INDICATED BY THE PLACARD. SHE IS SQUIRTING A LIBERAL SQUEEZE OF GLUE ONTO THE CHAIR. ON THE BOTTLE IS A HINT OF ITS QUALITY, AS THE LABEL READS "ULTRA SUPERGLUE". THE DOOR IS SLIGHTLY CRACKED, AND WE CAN SEE JIM POWERS COWERING BEHIND A TRASH BIN THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RINK. THIS HAS ATTRACTED SEVERAL SOLICITORS' ATTENTION.

END OF ACT TWO


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ACT THREE

PAGE 10. 4 PANELS PANEL 1. WE ARE IN THE OFFICE, LOOKING AT THE DOOR AS STACEY IS WALKING IN THROWING JIM INTO HIS DESK. IN HER OTHER HAND SHE HAS ONE OF BRANDON'S GANG BY THE EAR. THE OTHER BOYS ARE FILING IN, LOOKING LIKE ZOMBIES. HER FACE IS CONTORTED, AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A DRILL SERGEANT LISTING OFF BROKEN REGULATIONS TO A MISCREANT PLATOON.

STACEY: ...And Brandon gets all six charges with the addition of littering, in excess. Now, get that paperwork filled out. JIM: But Stace-- STACEY: Can it, Jim. You are lucky I don't call district and have you shipped for sleeping on the job... again! JIM: *mumbles* Yes, ma'am.

PANEL 2. SAME SHOT, BUT NOW BRANDON'S GANG IS STANDING BEFORE STACEY'S DESK. STACEY IS GETTING READY TO SEAT HERSELF, BUT HAS A LOOK OF PRIMAL RAGE ON HER FACE. IT IS DIRECTED STRAIGHT AT BRANDON. JIM, WITH A PEN IN HAND, IS LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER AT THE GANG MEMBERS, AN EYEBROW COCKED AS THOUGH HE CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT HE IS HEARING. BRANDON HAS TAKEN A SEAT, HIS ARM FOLDED, AND THE EPITOME OF INDIGNATION.

BRANDON: I hardly see how you can throw all my boys into one lump and give us all tickets. BRANDON: The way I see it, I was the one in charge, and I let our pranks get a little out of hand. BRANDON: If Carly hadn't been -- STACEY: You keep trying to worm your way out of this one and I'll slap more charges on you.

PANEL 3. STACEY HAS FALLEN INTO HER SEAT, LOOKING AGHAST. SEVERAL OF BRANDON'S GANG IS REACTING TO THE NEWLY DISCOVERED PRANK. JIM IS TIPPING HIS CAP AND LEANING BACK IN HIS CHAIR, AS THOUGH HE IS BRACING FOR IMPACT. FROM THE DOORWAY WE CAN SEE CARLY PEEKING IN, COVERING HER MOUTH AS SHE GIGGLES AWAY.

STACEY: As it is you have six months of community service after you have cleaned up the gym. I hear the Maze family has a few -- SFX: Squish JIM: Now you've done it boys.

PANEL 4. THIS IS A BROAD SHOT WITH THE SECURITY OFFICE IN FOCUS. WE CAN SEE SEVERAL OF THE RINK'S SOLICITORS


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PAUSING AND INCLINING THEIR HEADS TOWARD THE COMMOTION. SEVERAL SKATERS HAVE CEASED THEIR ACTIVITY. ONE MIGHT EVEN BE CRASHING INTO A POLE AS A RESULT OF THIS DISTRACTION. WE CAN SEE CARLY, DUCKING BELOW THE WINDOW, EYES WIDE WITH TERROR LIKE A SOLDIER IN THE TRENCHES. WE CAN SEE THROUGH THE WINDOWS THE SILHOUETTES OF A FLYING DESK, SEVERAL BODIES, PENS, PAPERS, AND OFFICE EQUIPMENT. IT IS A WARZONE IN THE SECURITY OFFICE, AND FROM THE DOOR WE CAN SEE JIM CRAWLING SLOWLY AWAY, A STAPLE STICKING OUT HIS REAR END.

STACEY: YOU'RE ALL ON COMMUNITY SERVICE UNTIL SOMEONE GETS ME OUT OF THIS CHAIR! JIM!? WHERE ARE YOU? JIM: (small words) Getting the glue-be-gone.


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PAGE 11. 6 PANELS PANEL 1. THIS IS A BROAD SHOT. WE ARE AT THE MAZE ESTATE AGAIN. IT IS BROAD DAYLIGHT AND WE CAN SEE THE EXTRAVAGANCE. GOLDEN SCULPTURES OF WILDLIFE COVER THE HOUSE. WE CAN SEE THE FULL EXPANSE OF THE YARD, AND THE LAWN IS A PRISTINE GREEN EXCEPTING THE LEAVE STREWN ABOUT. THE CIRCLE DRIVE WINDS THROUGH ROWS OF CYPRESS TREES INTERSPERSED WITH MARBLE STATUES OF RIDICULOUSLY DAZZLING MEN AND WOMEN. SEVERAL BOYS WORK THE YARD, AND THEIR JACKETS GIVE THE TELLTALE SIGN THEY ARE BRANDON'S GANG. SEVERAL POLICE CARS ARE PARKED ALONG THE DRIVE, AND A FEW OFFICERS PATROL NEAR WHERE THE BOYS ARE WORKING. THEY ARE RAKING LEAVES INTO PILES AND STUFFING THEM INTO BAGS. WE CAN TELL FROM THE BARE TREES AUTUMN IS IN FULL SWING.

No Dialogue. PANEL 2. WE ARE CLOSER TO THE MAZE ESTATE ENTRYWAY, AND WE CAN SEE CARLY EMERGING WITH JUSTIN. WINSTON HAS BOLTED AND IS RUNNING DIRECTLY TOWARD A BUSILY WORKING BRANDON. ALFRED IS TRAILING BEHIND WINSTON. CARLY IS SPORTING A VERY CUTE JACKET, MADE OF THE FINEST LEATHER. ON THE BACK IS THE RAT SKULL AND CROSSBONES. ALONG THE EDGES ARE CUTE PINK FRILLS, AND ON HER SLEEVE IS A BRIGHT GOLDEN SUNSHINE. JUSTIN IS WEARING A JACKET OF SIMILAR QUALITY, EQUALLY RIDICULOUS AND FLAMBOYANT AS CARLY'S. IN CARLY'S HAND IS A BOX FULL OF JACKETS SIMILAR TO JUSTIN'S. JUSTIN IS WAVING AND POINTING TO THE BOX. BRANDON LOOKS HUMILIATED AND ANGRY. HIS GANG MEMBERS ARE RUNNING TOWARD THE ENTRYWAY, LOOKING CELEBRATORY. THE OFFICERS ARE WATCHING INCREDULOUSLY. ONE MIGHT BE SCRATCHING HIS HEAD, AS THOUGH HE CANNOT GET THE HANG OF THE SITUATION HE IS WITNESSING.

ALFRED: Winston! No, leave that boy alone. Come. I'll get you a -- oh bother. JUSTIN: Hey, guys come get your new jackets! Carly has been working on them all day. CARLY: Oooohhhh, Braaaannnddooonnn! I have something for you!

PANEL 3: BRANDON IS STANDING BEFORE CARLY PRACTICALLY BOILING WITH RAGE. EVEN HIS AURA SEEMS TO LEECH BLACKNESS. JUSTIN LOOKS ALARMED. CARLY, UNAWARE OF THE MOOD, IS HOISTING BRANDONS SEQUINED JACKET IN THE AIR. SHE LOOKS ADORABLE IN THAT GOTHIC WAY. WINSTON IS ATTACHED TO BRANDON'S LEG, AND HE IS THRUSTING IS AWAY AND SHAKING THE DOG OFF. ALFRED, EVER BEHIND THE ENERGETIC WINSTON IS MERELY WATCHING IN DISMAY. THE GANG MEMBERS ARE TOSSING


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THEIR TATTERED OLD JACKETS AND DONNING THE FINE, THICK LEATHER JACKETS CARLY IS DISTRIBUTING.

BRANDON: What, you think you made it? CARLY: Of course I did, silly. I got Stacey. BRANDON: After we did our pranks. And on top of that, you ruined our own pranks! JUSTIN: Yeah, but Brand' look at these cool new jackets she got us.

PANEL 4. WE ARE CLOSER IN ON THIS SCENE, LOOKING OUT FROM THE ESTATE. WE CAN SEE THE LAWN, A FEW OF THE BOYS, CARLY, JUSTIN, AND BRANDON. WINSTON IS SAILING THROUGH THE AIR, SLOBBER AND ALL, DIRECTLY INTO ALFRED'S ARMS. THE GANG MEMBERS WE CAN SEE ARE LOOKING DOWN IN DISMAY. SOME OF THEM ARE PULLING THEIR NEW JACKETS OFF. JUSTIN LOOKS ANGRY, BUT HE IS HIDING BEHIND ONE OF THE COLUMNS OF THE ENTRYWAY. CARLY IS STARTLED. BRANDON IS SWATTING HIS NEW JACKET AWAY. ONE OF THE OFFICERS IS RUNNING TOWARDS BRANDON AND CARLY, SHOUTING AT BRANDON.

BRANDON: Who do you think you are!? You turned all my pranks into little tween practical jokes. And you think that gets you initiated. CARLY: (small words) But I got Stacey. BRANDON: You said that already! JUSTIN: Jeez, Brand', can't you see how legit she's made us. BRANDON: Shut it, traitor. You can stay with Carly. OFFICER: Alright, play time is over. Get back to work!

PANEL 5. WE SEE CARLY, AND SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A STAR-STRUCK CHILD ANYMORE. SHE LOOKS TO HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING NEW, BUT SHE IS CRYING. HER JACKET IS OFF, AND HER HEAD IS HUNG. WE CAN ONLY SEE ONE OR TWO OTHER GANG MEMBERS, BUT THEY ARE LOOKING AT CARLY WITH PITY. JUSTIN IS SITTING AT THE BASE OF THE COLUMN WITH HIS HEAD HANGING LOW AS WELL. BRANDON IS SHRUGGING OFF THE OFFICER'S HAND AND GIVING A DEFIANT GLARE BACK AS HE IS WALKING AWAY. THE OFFICER LOOKS INTIMIDATING AND NONPLUSSED.

BRANDON: I'm going. Now back off, Jack. OFFICER: Boy, you want to head back to the precinct with me? BRANDON: Carly, you will never join my gang. CARLY: You know Brandon, sometimes ... you're a real jerk!

PANEL 6. WE CAN SEE CARLY BOLTING THROUGH HER DOORWAY WITH BRANDON LOOKING BACK. HE IS REALIZING SOMETHING AS WELL, BUT HE CANNOT PUT HIS FINGER ON IT. RIGHT NOW HE IS


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SIMPLY SHOCKED CARLY, OF ALL PEOPLE, WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO HIM. JUSTIN IS WATCHING BRANDON, LOOKING SOMEWHAT VINDICATED FOR HIS BETRAYAL. ONE OF BRANDON'S GANG IS LOOKING AS THOUGH HE HAS SEEN A GHOST WHILE THE OTHERS BUSY THEMSELVES WITH WORK, POINTEDLY IGNORING THEIR LEADERS EMBARASSMENT.

BRANDON: Wha-? BRANDON: Hey, what are you looking at? GANG MEMBER #2: Eep! Nothin', Brand'.


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PAGE 12. PANEL 1. CARLY IS AT THE COFFEE SHOP IN THE RINK AGAIN, NURSING HER DOUBLE LATTE. AND RUTH IS JOGGING PAST. WE ARE LOOKING OUT ONTO THE RINK AND CAN SEE THAT CROWDS ARE A LITTLE SLIM. THE SHOP IS CONSPICUOUSLY EMPTY AS WELL AND CARLY LOOKS PARTICULARLY DOWN. IN FACT WE MIGHT CHANGE HER DRESS A BIT AND GIVE HER SOME DEBBIE DOWNER-TYPE CLOTHING. BLUE OR BROWN, BUT NOT BLACK. INSTED OF PIGTAILS, CARLY HAS HER HAIR DOWN AND IT LOOKS A LITTLE FRIZZY. THE COFFEE SHOP OWNER IS CLEANING A VERY SHINY BAR, BUT SHE HAS HER EYE ON CARLY LIKE SHE WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING.

No Dialogue.

PANEL 2. WE ARE LOOKING AT THE SAME SCENE, BUT RUTH HAS PULLED UP A SEAT BESIDES CARLY AND IS SMILING AT HER. SHE HAS A PINK ELEPHANT IN HER HANDS AND SEVERAL MORE IN HER POCKET. THE COFFEE SHOP OWNER HAS HER FOREHEAD IN HER HANDS, AND CARLY SEEMS TO BE PERKING UP A LITTLE. SHE IS REACHING FOR THE ELEPHANT.

RUTH: I found this guy hiding out in the trash, Barbar wasn't it? CARLY: I don't deserve to have a friend like Barbar. RUTH: What do you mean dear? CARLY: After the things I said to Brandon, I'm surprised my only friend would come back to me. STACEY: A coffee to go please.

PANEL 3. WE ARE FACING RUTH AND CARLY. RUTH HAS ONE ARM DRAPED OVER CARLY'S SHOULDERS. HER OTHER HAND IS POINTING AT THE ELEPHANTS TUCKED INSIDE HER JACKET. CARLY LOOKS SLIGHTLY AMUSED AT THIS OLD WOMAN'S ANTICS, AND HER DRESS SEEMS TO HAVE MIRACULOUSLY DONNED LIGHTER COLORS. SHE IS PULLING HER HAIR BACK INTO A NEAT BUNDLE, TOO. AND BARBAR IS SLEEIPNG CONTENTEDLY IN HER LAP.

RUTH: You silly girl. You have so many more friends than you think. Where do you think I got all of these? CARLY: You think so? RUTH: I know so. I have so many more at my house! COFFEE SHOP OWNER: Ruth! RUTH: Alright. Alright. Carly, we can't make friends of everyone, and it is time you started recognizing the friends you have now.

PANEL 4. WE ARE BEHIND CARLY AND RUTH NOW. CARLY IS HER USUAL RIDICULOUS, FRILLY PINK DRESS WITH SUNSHINES AND SUNFLOWERS AGAIN. SHE IS HUGGING A SURPRISED LOOKING RUTH.


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THE COFFEE SHOP OWNER IS LAUGHING, AND WE CAN SEE STACEY AT THE REGISTER WITH A COFFEE IN HER HAND WATCHING THE EXCHANGE WITH A VERY SKEPTICAL EYE.

CARLY: You're right Ruth! Why didn't I think of that? RUTH: I beg your pardon? Think of what?

PANEL 5. WE ARE JUST OUTSIDE THE COFFEE SHOP WITH CARLY AT THE FORE LOOKING AGLOW WITH A NEW IDEA. WE CAN SEE THE COFFEE SHOP OWNER THROUGH THE WINDOW WITH HER FOREHEAD IN HER HANDS AGAIN. STACEY IS LOOKING AT RUTH LIKE SHE IS CLICKING HER TONGUE. RUTH HAS HER ARMS SPREAD AND IS LOOKING AT CARLY AS THOUGH SHE COULD NOT POSSIBLY COMPREHEND HOW THIS GIRL WOULD GET SUCH A CRAZY IDEA.

CARLY: I'm going to make my own gang. RUTH: Now Stacey, all I did was tell her she had plenty of friends, didn't I? COFFEE SHOP OWNER: The things you put in that child's head... STACEY: Tch. You must have quite a story to tell, Ruth.

PANEL 6. WE ARE BACK IN THE SHOP WITH ALL THE ADULTS WATCHING CARLY AS SHE RUSHES DOWN THE THOROUGHFARE. THE CROWDS ARE FORMING NOW AND THE SHOPS ARE LOOKING BUSIER. SEVERAL OF THE SOLICITORS ARE WAVING AS CARLY PASSES. CARLY IS WAVING BACK TO RUTH AND THE OTHERS. STACEY IS LEANING AGAINST THE DOORPOST.

CARLY: A gang of friends. Then Brandon will have no other choice but to join and become ... my friend. RUTH: I suppose I could have been more direct, but -- STACEY: You know, Ruth, maybe it will work out. Maybe that girl's tenacity will make a man out of that boy yet!

Chad,

Your comic script is much more powerful now. The story has more depth and meaning because you have developed your protagonist, giving the reader the chance to really connect with her. I think you could give more face time to Ruth as it seems she has more influence on Carly than any other characer. Your action was clean and descriptive. One question I have is this: If Brandon's father was similar to Carly's father (business/money oriented) then why doesn't Brandon come from money? Did I miss something? Perhaps it just wasn't a lucrative business?

Overall, this is a well written script. Great job! You have lost points for missing the deadline.

~Kimberly Borwick

carly's sticky situation

Documents

carly notices

carlys father

carlys mother

venetta maze

bernard maze

carlys balloon

panels panel

venetta spraying perfume