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Called to Love: Bullying and the Church

YYA Webinar, May 6, 2014Bullying

Are we a community that calls persons to respond in love or, too often, to act as bullies?  What is the church’s

responsibility when it comes to bullying?  How do we speak the truth in Christian love with those whose beliefs or experiences are different from our own?  Learn how to recognize bullying and to hold each other accountable as we focus on faithfully building relationship in the midst of

difference.

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Webinar Overview

• Introductions

• Define Bullying

• Why Should Bullying Matter to the Church?

• Suggestions for Youth Groups

• Questions

• Evaluations

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What is Bullying?

Bullying is aggressive, often targeted, behavior repeated over time that occurs in a relationship where there is a power imbalance.

“Drama” may sometimes be used to mean bullying, especially by girls.

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Bullying Intervention

Intervention for bullying is social change- creating a cultural norm where bullying is unacceptable.

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What is Bullying? (cont)

Aggressive behavior- can come in many forms:

• Physical (towards person or property)• Verbal• Cyber (through social media, blogging, texting)• Gossip • Social exclusion• Silencing

What are other aggressive behaviors that you’ve observed?

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What is Bullying? (cont)

Power imbalance - a key difference between bullying and other conflicts is the nature of the power imbalance. 

While no two individuals have the same kind of power,  we typically think of conflict as occurring between two people of similar status who can safely engage in dialogue together, even though it might be uncomfortable. 

By definition, bullying only occurs when there is an imbalance of power such that one person is in a position to dominate and intimidate the other.

What are some things that cause a power imbalance?

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What is Bullying? (cont)

Power imbalance – cont.

What are some things that cause a power imbalance?

• Status• Physical characteristics (race, age, gender, build)• Identity (race, perceived gender, perceived sexuality)• Popularity• Ability• Access to resources• Numbers• Weapons

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What is Bullying? (cont)

Power imbalance – cont.

As adults, we slip into a pattern of bullying where we don’t recognize or deny the power we have.

“Power is ambiguous, slippery and intoxicating, and will control me if I am not conscious of its role in my life. I cannot control or manage something I deny having.”--Carolyn Schrock-Shenk, “’Fessing Up’ to Power”

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What is Bullying? (cont)

Repeated over time-

Bullying behavior often occurs over time, but should be addressed whenever first observed (even if it is a first incident of aggressive behavior where there is a power imbalance).

Bullying may repeatedly target one person or may be repeated action toward a number of individuals within a particular group.

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Who is Involved in Bullying?Bullying is not a conflict between two people alone. There is a group of people involved in bullying- either as active participants or passive bystanders, often contributing to or creating the power imbalance (intentionally or unintentionally).  Because bullying is a social pattern with many participants, problem-solving (mediated or otherwise) on its own is not an effective solution.  We must look to social change- empowering bystanders to act as upstanders to the one being bullied and sway/change power imbalance.

On the graph on the next slide, we want people to move around the horseshoe towards “G,” defenders of the student who is bullied.

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• Unmet expectations

• Strong feelings or fear of hurting feelings

• Outcome unknown

• Money

• Workplace

• Family

• Beliefs and values

• And many others…

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Why should bullying matter to the church?

The church is powerful. It affects the lives of individuals and the larger community (for good and bad).

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s Seven Sectors of the Community Groups in the community that are natural stakeholders in social change.

• Women and Minorities - both have a stake in survival• Educators - are educating the next generation• Religious Communities - most religious communities hold values of

peace, reconciliation, or justice in some form• Government - has programs that are working on issues and often

need to be invited to get involved or be held accountable• Non-Profits - have justice issues somewhere on their agendas• Youth - have a large stake in the future• Business - has an economic interest that can be part of the solution.

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Why should bullying matter to the church?

Bullying on the basis of religious beliefs has been condoned or considered by state and local legislatures and school boards, because of church-based lobbies.

Many of these lobbies have succeeded in stripping protection for LGBT youth, who are among the most vulnerable to bullying.

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Why should bullying matter to the church?

Youth are bullied because of their religion.

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Why should bullying matter to the church?

There is bullying in the church.

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Why should bullying matter to the church?

Jesus’ example demonstrates acting as an upstander.

Ask these questions of each scripture or example:

1. Is there aggressive behavior?2. Was there a power imbalance?3. Is this a repeated behavior?4. Who is present?5. What was the faithful response?

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Making Youth Group a Safe Place

Here are a few suggestions for making youth group a safe place:

• Empower youth to be an “upstander” whenever and where ever bullying occurs

• Identify yourself as a safe person to talk with about identity-based questions and get training to do this well

• Be willing to hear from youth their experience of things- including their reactions to things happening in the church

• Name bullying when you observe it, even indirectly• Create a covenant among youth for how one another will be

treated and use it• Welcome all to youth group- including those who have

bullied and those who have been bullied• Use Bible study to teach anti-bullying behavior

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Resources

“Creating a Culture of Upstanding” Peace Retreats for Youth Groups- www.OnEarthPeace.org

Bazelon, Emily. Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy. Random House, New York: 2013.

Accompaniment: A Resource for Youth Leaders. Brethren Mennonite Council. http://www.bmclgbt.org/documents/Accompaniment-aresourceforyouthleaders_001.pdf