Buy Jupiter and Other StoriesCopyright 1975 by Isaac AsimovCONTENTSBUY JUPITER AND OTHER STORIESDAY OF THE HUNTERSSHAH GUIDO G.BUTTON, BUTTONTHE MONKEY'S FINGEREVERESTTHE PAUSELET'S NOTEACH AN EXPLORERBLANK!DOES A BEE CARE?SILLY ASSESBUY JUPITERA STATUE FOR FATHERRAIN, RAIN, GO AWAYFOUNDING FATHEREXILE TO HELLKEY ITEMTHE PROPER STUDY2!" A.D.THE GREATEST ASSETTAKE A MATCHTHIOTIMOLINE TO THE STARSLIGHT VERSETo all the editors, whose careersat one time or another, have intersected my own--good fellows, every one.In THE EARLY ASIMOV I mentioned the fact that there were eleven stories that I had never succeeded in selling !hat" s more# said I in that $oo%# all eleven stories nolonger e&isted and must remain forever in lim$o However# 'oston (niversit) collects all m) *a*ers with an assiduit) and determination worth) of a far $etter cause# and when the) +rst $egan to do so $ac% in ,-..# I handed them *iles and *iles of manuscri*t material I didn"t loo% through Some eager )oung fan did# though 'oston (niversit) a**arentl) allows the ins*ection of its literar) collections for research *ur*oses# and this )oung fan# re*resenting himself as a literar) historian# I su**ose# got access to m) +les He came across the faded manuscri*t of Big Game, a thousand/word short/short which I had listed in THE EARLY ASIMOV as the eleventh and last of m) lost re0ections Having read THE EARLY ASIMOV# the fan recogni1ed the value of the +nd He *rom*tl) had it re*roduced and sent me a co*) And I *rom*tl) saw to it that it got into *rint It a**eared in 'E2ORE THE 3OL4E5 A3E !hen I read the manuscri*t of 'ig Game, however# I discovered that# in a wa)# it $ad never $een lost I had salvaged it 'ac% in earl) ,-67# Ro$ert ! Lowndes# then *u$lishing several science +ction maga1ines for 8olum$ia 9u$lications# and reveling in the science +ction $oom of the *eriod# as%ed me for a stor) I must have remem$ered Big Game, written eight )ears earlier# for I *roduced 4AY O2 THE H(5TERS# which was an e&*anded version of the earlier stor)# and Had *u$lished it in the 5ovem$er ,-67 issue of Future Combined with Science Fiction Stories. DAY OF THE HUNTERS It $egan the same night it ended It wasn"t much It 0ust $othered me: it still $others me You see# ;oe 'loch# Ra) Manning# and I were sThe trou$le with )ou gu)s is )ou got wars and races on the mind Me# I got curiosit) ?now what I"d do if I had a time machine@ASo right awa) we wanted to %now# all read) to give him the old snic%er whatever it was He said# >If I had one# I"d go $ac% in time a$out a cou*le or +ve or +ft) million )ears and +nd out what ha**ened to the dinosaursA !hich was too $ad for ;oe# $ecause Ra) and I $oth thought there was 0ust a$out no sense to that at all Ra) said who cared a$out a lot of dinosaurs and I said the onl)thing the) were good for was to ma%e a mess of s%eletons for gu)s who were do*) enough to wear out the Boors in museums: and it was a good thing the) did get out of the wa) to ma%e room for human $eings Of course ;oe said that with some human$eings he %new# and he gives us a hard loo%# we should"ve stuc% to dinosaurs# $ut we*a) no attention to that >You dum$ sThose dinosaurs were $ig stu= Millions of all %inds / $ig as houses# and dum$ as houses# too / all over the *lace And then# all of a sudden# li%e that#A and he sna*s his +ngers# >there aren"t an)an)moreA How come# we wanted to %now 'ut he was 0ust +nishing a $eer and waving at 8harlie for another with a coin to *rove he wanted to *a) for it and he 0ust shrugged his shoulders >I don"t %now That"s what I"d +nd out# thoughA That"s all That would have +nished it I would"ve said something and Ra) would"ve made a crac%# and we all would"ve had another $eer and ma)$e swa**ed some tal% a$out the weather and the 'roo%l)n 4odgers and then said so long# and never thin% of dinosaurs again Onl) we didn"t# and now I never have an)thing on m) mind $ut dinosaurs# and I feel sic% 'ecause the rumm) at the ne&t ta$le loo%s u* and hollers# >He)CA !e hadn"t seen him As a general rule# we don"t go around loo%ing at rummies we don"t %now in $ars I got *lent) to do %ee*ing trac% of the rummies I do %now Thisfellow had a $ottle $efore him that was half em*t)# and a glass in his hand that was half full He said# >He)#A and we all loo%ed at him# and Ra) said# >As% him what he wants# ;oeA ;oe was nearest He ti**ed his chair $ac%ward and said# >!hat do )ou want@A The rumm) said# >4id I hear )ou gentlemen mention dinosaurs@A He was 0ust a little weav)# and his e)es loo%ed li%e the) were $leeding# and )ou could onl) tell his shirt was once white $) guessing# $ut it must"ve $een the wa) he tal%ed It didn"t sound rumm)# if )ou %now what I mean An)wa)# ;oe sort of eased u* and said# >Sure Something )ou want to %now@A He sort of smiled at us It was a funn) smile: it started at the mouth and ended 0ust $efore it touched the e)es He said# >4id )ou want to $uild a time machine and go $ac% to +nd out what ha**ened to the dinosaurs@A I could see ;oe was +guring that some %ind of con+dence game was coming u* I was +guring the same thing ;oe said# >!h)@ You aiming to o=er to $uild one for me@AThe rumm) showed a mess of teeth and said >5o# sir I could $ut I won"t You %now wh)@ 'ecause I $uilt a time machine for m)self a cou*le of )ears ago and went $ac% to the Meso1oic Era and found out what ha**ened to the dinosaursA Later on# I loo%ed u* how to s*ell >Meso1oic#A which is wh) I got it right in case )ou"re wondering# and I found nut that the Meso1oic Era is when a,, the dinosaurs were doing whatever dinosaurs do Rut of course at the time this is 0ust so much dou$le/tal% to me# and mostl) I was thin%ing we had a lunatic tal%ing to us ;oe claimed afterward that he %new a$out this Meso1oic thing# $ut he"ll have to tal% lots longer and louder $efore Ra) and I $elieve him 'ut that did it 0ust the same !e said to the rumm) to come over to our ta$le I guess I +gured we could listen to him for a while and ma)$e get some of the $ottle# and the others must have +gured the same 'ut he held his $ottle tight in his right hand when he sat down and that"s where he %e*t it it DsicERa) said# >!here"d )ou $uild a time machine@A >At Midwestern (niversit) M) daughter and I wor%ed on it togetherA He sounded li%e a college gu) at that I said# >!here is it now@ In )our *oc%et@A He didn"t $lin%: he never 0um*ed at us no matter how wise we crac%ed ;ust %e*t tal%ing to himself out loud# as if the whis%e) had lim$ered u* his tongue and he didn"t care if we sta)ed or not He said# >I $ro%e it u* 4idn"t want it Had enough of itA !e didn"t $elieve him !e didn"t $elieve him worth a darn You $etter get that straight It stands to reason# $ecause if a gu) invented a time machine# he could clean u* millions / he could clean u* all the mone) in the world# 0ust %nowing what would ha**en to the stoc% mar%et and the races and elections He wouldn"t throw a,, that awa)# I don"t care what reasons he had / 'esides# none of us were going to $elieve in time travel an)wa)# $ecause what if )ou did %ill )our own grandfather !ell# never mind ;oe said# >Yeah# )ou $ro%e it u* Sure )ou did !hat"s )our name@A 'ut he didn"t answer that one# ever !e as%ed him a few more times# and then we ended u* calling him >9rofessorA He +nished o= his glass and +lled it again ver) slow He didn"t o=er us an)# and we all suc%ed at our $eers So I said# >!ell# go ahead !hat ha**ened to the dinosaurs@A 'ut he didn"t tell us right awa) He stared right at the middle of the ta$le and tal%ed to it >I don"t %now how man) times 8arol sent me $ac% / 0ust a few minutes or hours / $efore I made the $ig 0um* I didn"t care a$out the dinosaurs: I 0ust wanted to see how far the machine would ta%e me on the su**l) of *ower I had availa$le I su**oseit was dangerous# $ut is life so wonderful@ The war was on them / One more life@A He sort of coddled his glass as if he was thin%ing a$out things in general# then heseemed to s%i* a *art in his mind and %ee* right on going >It was sunn)#A he said# >sunn) and $right: dr) and hard There were no swam*s#no ferns 5one of the accoutrements of the 8retaceous we associate with dinosaurs#A / an)wa)# I thin% that"s what he said I didn"t alwa)s catch the $ig words# so later on I"ll 0ust stic% in what I can remem$er I chec%ed all the s*ellings# and I must sa) that for all the liThe) were what"CA I as%ed >Sa)# when was this@ Millions of )ears ago@A >That"s right#A he said >The) were re*tiles The) had scales and no e)elids and the) *ro$a$l) laid eggs 'ut the) used energ) guns There were +ve of them The) were on me as soon as I got out of the machine There must have $een millions of them all over Earth / millions Scattered all over The) must have $een the Lords of 8reation thenA I guess it was then that Ra) thought he had him# $ecause he develo*ed that wiseloo% in his e)es that ma%es )ou feel li%e con%ing him with an em*t) $eer mug# $ecause a full one would waste $eer He said# >Loo%# 9"fessor# millions of them# huh@ Aren"t there gu)s who don"t do an)thing $ut +nd old $ones and mess around with them till the) +gure out what some dinosaur loo%ed li%e The museums are full of these here s%eletons# aren"t the)@ !ell# where"s there one with a metal $elt on him Ifthere were millions# what"s $ecome of them@ !here are the hones@A The *rofessor sighed It was a real# sad sigh Ma)$e he reali1ed for the +rst time he was 0ust s*ea%ing to three gu)s in overalls in a $arroom Or ma)$e he didn"t care He said# >You don"t +nd man) fossils Thin% how man) animals lived on Earth altogether Thin% how man) $illions and trillions And then thin% how few fossils we +nd / And these li1ards were intelligent Remem$er that The)"re not going to get caught in snow drifts or mud# or fall into lava# e&ce*t $) $ig accident Thin% how few fossil men there are / even of these su$intelligent a*emen of a million )ears agoA He loo%ed at his half/full glass and turned it round and round He said# >!hat would fossils show an)wa)@ Metal $elts rust awa) and leave nothing Those little li1ards were warm/$looded I know that# $ut )ou couldn"t *rove itfrom *etri+ed $ones !hat the devil@ A million )ears from now could )ou tell what 5ew Yor% loo%s li%e from a human s%eleton@ 8ould )ou tell a human from a gorilla $) the $ones and +gure out which one $uilt an atomic $om$ and which one ate $ananasin a 1oo@A >He)#A said ;oe# *lent) o$0ecting# >an) sim*le $um can tell a gorilla s%eleton froma man"s A man"s got a larger $rain An) fool can tell which one was intelligentA >Reall)@A The *rofessor laughed to himself# as if all this was so sim*le and o$vious# it was 0ust a cr)ing shame to waste time on it >You 0udge ever)thing from the t)*e of $rain human $eings have managed to develo* Evolution has di=erent wa)s of doing things 'irds B) one wa): $ats A) another wa) Life has *lent) of tric%s for ever)thing / How much of )our $rain do )ou thin% )ou use A$out a +fth That"s what the *s)chologists sa) As far as the) %now# as far as an)$od) %nows# eight) *er cent of )our $rain has no use at all Ever)$od) 0ust wor%s on wa)/low gear# e&ce*t ma)$e a few in histor) Leonardo da Vinci# for instance Archimedes# Aristotle# 3auss# 3alois# Einstein /A I never heard of an) of them e&ce*t Einstein# $ut I didn"t let on He mentioned a few more# $ut I"ve *ut in all I can remem$er Then he said# >Those little re*tiles had tin) $rains# ma)$e Loo%# 9"fessor# if those li1ards were so damned hot# wh) didn"t the) leave something $ehind@ !here are their cities and their $uildings and all the sort of stu= we %ee* +nding of the cavemen# stone %nives and things Hell# if human $eings got the hec% o= of Earth# thin% of the stu= wed leave $ehind us You couldn"t wal% a mile without falling over a cit) And roads and thingsA 'ut the *rofessor 0ust couldn"t he sto**ed He wasn"t even sha%en u* He 0ust came right $ac% with# >You"re still 0udging other forms of life $) human standards !e$uild cities and roads and air*orts and the rest that goes with us / $ut the) didn"t The) were $uilt on a di=erent *lan Their whole wa) of life was di=erent from the ground u* The) didn"t live in cities The) didn"t have our %ind of art I"m not sure what the) did have $ecause it was so alien I couldn"t gras* it / e&ce*t for their guns Those would $e the same 2unn)# isn"t it / 2or all I %now# ma)$e we stum$le over their relics ever) da) and don"t even %now that"s what the) areA I was *rett) sic% of it $) that time You 0ust couldnt get him The cuter )ou"d $e# the cuter he"d $e I said# >Loo% here How do )ou %now so much a$out those things@ !hat did )ou do: live with them@ Or did the) s*ea% English@ Or ma)$e )ou s*ea% li1ard tal% 3ive us a few words of li1ard tal%A I guess I was getting mad# too You %now how it is A gu) tells )ou something )ou don"t $elieve $ecause it"s all coc%e)ed# and )ou can"t get him to admit he"s l)ing 'ut the *rofessor wasn"t mad He was 0ust +lling the glass again# ver) slowl) >5o#A he said# >I didn"t tal% and the) didn"t tal% The) 0ust loo%ed at me with their cold# hard# staring e)es / sna%e"s e)es / and I %new what the) were thin%ing# and I could see that the) %new what I was thin%ing 4on"t as% me how it ha**ened It 0ust did Ever)thing I %new that the) were out on a hunting e&*edition and I %new the) weren"t going to let me goA And we sto**ed as%ing !hat ha**ened@ How did )ou get awa)@A >That was eas) An animal scurried *ast on the hillto* It was long / ma)$e ten feet / and narrow and ran close to the ground The li1ards got e&cited I could feel thee&citement in waves It was as if the) forgot a$out me in a single hot Bash of $lood lust / and o= the) went I got $ac% in the machine# returned# and $ro%e it u*A It was the Battest sort of ending )ou ever heard ;oe made a noise in his throat >!ell# what ha**ened to the dinosaurs@A >Oh# )ou don"t see@ I thought it was *lain enough / It was those little intelligent li1ards that did it The) were hunters / $) instinct and $) choice It was their ho$$) in life It wasn"t for food: it was for funA >And the) 0ust wi*ed out all the dinosaurs on the Earth@A >All that lived at the time# an)wa): all the contem*orar) s*ecies 4on"t )ou thin% it"s *ossi$le@ How long did it ta%e us to wi*e out $ison herds $) the hundred million@ !hat ha**ened to the dodo in a few )ears@ Su**osing we reall) *ut our minds to it# how long would the lions and the tigers and the gira=es last@ !h)# $) the time I saw those li1ards there wasn"t an) $ig game left / no re*tile more than +fteen feet ma)$eAll gone Those little demons were chasing the little# scurr)ing ones# and *ro$a$l) cr)ing their hearts out for the good old da)sA And we all %e*t You still don"t seeC It was alread) $eginning to ha**en to them I saw it in their e)es The) were running out of $ig game/ the fun was going nut of it So what did )oue&*ect them to do@ The) turned to other game / the $iggest and most dangerous of all / and reall) had fun The) hunted that game to the endA >!hat game@A as%ed Ra) He didn"t get it# $ut ;oe and I did >Themselves#A said the *rofessor in a loud voice >The) +nished o= all the others and $egan on themselves / till not one was leftA And again we sto**ed and thought a$out those dinosaurs / $ig as houses / all +nished o= $) little li1ards with guns Then we thought a$out the little li1ards and how the) had to %ee* the guns going even when there was nothing to use them on $ut themselves ;oe said# >9oor dum$ li1ardsA >Yeah#A said Ra)# >*oor crac%*ot li1ardsA And then what ha**ened reall) scared us 'ecause the *rofessor 0um*ed u* withe)es that loo%ed as if the) were tr)ing to clim$ right out of their soc%ets and lea* at us He shouted# >You damned fools !h) do )ou sit there slo$$ering over re*tiles dead a hundred million )ears That was the +rst intelligence on Earth and that"s how it ended That"s done. 'ut we"re the second intelligence / and how the devil do )ou thin% were going to end@A He *ushed the chair over and headed for the door 'ut then he stood there 0ust $efore leaving altogether and saidF Poor dumb humanity 3o ahead and cr) a$out thatA GGGGGThe stor)# alas# seems to have a moral# and# in fact# ends by *ounding that moralover the reader"s head That is $ad Straightforward *reaching s*oils the e=ectiveness of a stor) If )ou can"t resist the im*ulse to im*rove )our fellow human $eings# do it su$tl) Occasionall) I overBow and forget this good ma&im 4AY O2 THE H(5TERS was written not long after the Soviet (nion had e&*loded its +rst +ssion $om$ It had $een$ad enough till then# %nowing that the (nited States might $e tem*ted to use +ssion $om$s if suHcientl) irritated Ias in ,-J6K 5ow# for the +rst time# the *ossi$ilit) of a real nuclear war# one in which $oth sides used +ssion $om$s# had arisen !e"ve grown used to that situation now and scarcel) thin% of it# $ut in ,-67 therewere man) who thought a nuclear war was inevita$le# and in short order# too I was *rett) $itter a$out that / and the $itterness shows in the stor)L DL Man%indMs suicide seems now# a It was concentrated ha**iness distilled out of the little su**l) distri$uted to $illions of ordinar) fol% who lived on the SurfaceA >Yes# )ou are right Yes# it had to $e 'ut it might have $een so di=erent# 2ulton You %now#A he seated himself on the hard roc%# crossed his arms u*on his %nees and cradled his chin in them# >I thin%# sometimes# of how it must have $een in the old da)s# when there were nations and wars u*on the Earth I thin% of how much a miracle it must have seemed to the *eo*les when the (nited 5ations +rst $ecame a real world government# and what Atlantis must have meant to them >It was a ca*ital cit) that governed Earth $ut was not of it It was a $lac% disc in the air# ca*a$le of a**earing an)where on Earth at an) height: $elonging to no one nation# $ut to all the *lanet: the *roduct of no one nation"s ingenuit) $ut the +rst great achievement of all the race / and then# what it $ecameCA 2ulton said# >Shall we go@ !e"ll want to get $ac% to the shi* $efore dar%A 9lat went on# >In a wa) I su**ose it was inevita$le The human race never did invent an institution that didn"t end as a cancer 9ro$a$l) in *rehistoric times# the medicine man who $egan as the re*ositor) of tri$al wisdom ended as the last $ar to tri$al advance In ancient Rome# the citi1en arm) /A 2ulton was letting him s*ea% / *atientl) It was a / the citi1en arm) that defended the Romans against all comers from Veii to 8arthage# $ecame the *rofessional 9raetorian 3uard that sold the Im*erium and levied tri$ute on all the Em*ire The Tur%s develo*ed the ;anissaries as their invinci$le advance guard against Euro*e and the Sultan ended as a slave of his ;anissar) slaves The $arons of medieval Euro*e *rotected the serfs against the 5orthmen and the Mag)ars# then remained si& hundred )ears longer as a *arasite aristocrac) that contri$uted nothingA 9lat $ecame aware of the *atient e)es and said# >4on"t )ou understand me@A One of the $older technicians said# >!ith )our %ind *ermission# Higher One# we must needs $e at wor%A >Yes# I su**ose )ou mustA The technician felt sorr) This Higher One was 5ow that"s what I mean You should make them listenA 'ut the) 0ust stared at him# and at that moment an idea crawled gentl) into 9lat"s unconscious mind Leo S*inne) waited for him on the cr)stal level He was 9lat"s age $ut taller and much more handsome 9lat"s face was thin# his e)es were china/$lue# and he never smiled S*inne) was straight/nosed with $rown e)es that seemed to laugh continuousl) S*inne) called# >!e"ll miss the gameA >I don"t want to go# Leo 9leaseA S*inne) said# >!ith the technicians again@ !h) do )ou waste )our time@A 9lat said# >The) wor% I res*ect them !hat right have we to idle@A >Ought I to as% Secretar)/3eneral of the (nited 5ationsA Two centuries $efore it had $een an elective oHce: an honora$le one 5ow a man li%e 3uido 3arshthavastra could +ll it $ecause he could *rove he wasthe son of his e3uido 3A was what the Lower Ones on the Surface called him And usuall)# with$itterness# >Shah 3uido 3#A $ecause >ShahA had $een the title of a line of des*otic oriental %ings The Lower Ones %new him for what he was 9lat wanted to tell S*inne)that# $ut it wasn"t time )et The real games were held in the u**er stratos*here# a hundred miles a$ove Atlantis# though the S%)/Island was itself twent) miles a$ove sea/level The huge am*hitheater was +lled and the radiant glo$e in its center held all e)es Each tin) one/man cruiser high a$ove was re*resented $) its own *articular glowing s)m$ol in the color that $elonged to the Beet of which it was *art The little s*ar%s re*roduced in e&act miniature the motions of the shi*s The game was starting as 9lat and S*inne) too% their seats The little dots were alread) Bashing toward one another s%imming and missing# veering A large score$oard $la1oned the *rogress of the $attle in conventional s)m$olog) that 9lat did not understand There was confused cheering for either Beet and for *articular shi*s High u* under a cano*) was the Se%0en# the Shah 3uido 3 of the Lower Ones 9lat could $arel) see him $ut he could ma%e out clearl) the smaller re*lica of the game glo$e that was there for his *rivate use 9lat was watching the game for the +rst time He understood none of the +ner *oints and wondered at the reason for the *articular shouts Yet he understood that the dots were shi*s and that the strea%s of light that lic%ed out from them on freI"m leaving# S*inne)A S*inne) was mar%ing his scorecard and sa)ing# >That"s +ve shi*s the 3reens have lost this wee% !e"ve got to have moreA He was on his feet# calling wildl)# >Another oneCA The audience was ta%ing u* the shout# chanting it 9lat said# >A man died in that shi*A >You $et One of the 3reen"s hest too 4amn good thingA >4o )ou reali1e that a man died.A>The)"re onl) Lower Ones !hat"s $othering )ou@A 9lat made his slow wa) out among the rows of *eo*le A few loo%ed at him and whis*ered Most had e)es for nothing $ut the game glo$e There was *erfume all a$out him and in the distance# occasionall) heard amid the shouts# there was a faint wash of gentle music As he *assed through a main e&it# a )ell trem$led the air $ehind him 9lat fought the nausea griml) He wal%ed two miles# then sto**ed Steel girders were swa)ing at the end of diamagnetic $eams and the coarse sound of orders )elled in Lower accents +lled the air There was alwa)s $uilding going on u*on Atlantis Two hundred )ears ago# when Atlantis had $een the genuine seat of government# its lines had $een straight# its s*aces $road 'ut now it was much more than that It was the Ranadu *leasure domethat 8oleridge s*o%e of The cr)stal roof had $een lifted u*ward and outward man) times in the last two centuries Each time it had $een thic%ened so that Atlantis might more safel) clim$ higher: more safel) withstand the *ossi$le $lows of meteoric *e$$les not )et entirel) $urnt $) the thin wis*s of air And as Atlantis $ecame more useless and more attractive# more and more of the Higher Ones left their estates and factories in the hands of managers and foremen and too% u* *ermanent residence on the S%)/Island All $uilt larger# higher# more ela$oratel) And here was still another structure !aves were standing $) in stolid# dut)/ridden o$edience The name a**lied to the females / if# 9lat thought sourl)# the) could $e called that / was ta%en from the Earl) English of the da)s when Earth was divided into nations There# too# conversion and degeneration had o$tained The old !aves had done *a*er wor% $ehind the lines These creatures# still called !aves# were front/line soldiers It made sense# 9lat %new 9ro*erl) trained# women were more single/minded# more fanatic# less given to dou$ts and remorse than ever men could $e The) alwa)s had !aves *resent at the scene of an) $uilding# $ecause the $uilding was done $) Lower Ones# and Lower Ones on Atlantis had to he guarded ;ust as those on the Surface had to he cowed In the last +ft) )ears alone# the long/range atomic artiller) that studded the underside of Atlantis had $een dou$led and tri*led He watched the girder come softl) down# two men )elling directions to each other as it settled in *lace Soon there would $e no further room for new $uildings on Atlantis The idea that had nudged his unconscious mind earlier in the da) gentl) touchedhis conscious mind 9lat"s nostrils Bared 9lat"s nose twitched at the smell of oil and machiner) More than most of the *erfume/s*oiled Higher Ones# he was used to odors of all sorts He had $een on the Surface and smelled the *ungence of its growing +elds and the fumes of its cities He said to the technician# >I am seriousl) thin%ing of $uilding a new house and would li%e )our advice as to the $est *ossi$le locationA The technician was ama1ed and electri+ed >Than% )ou# Higher One It has $ecome so diHcult to arrange the availa$le *owerA >It is wh) l come to )ouA The) tal%ed at length# 9lat as%ed a great man) The)"re onl) Lower OnesA He made u* his mind and a**lied for audience with the Se%0en The Se%0en"s drawling voice accentuated the $oredom he did not care to hide Hesaid >The 9lats are of good famil)# )et )ou amuse )ourself with technicians I am told)ou s*ea% to them as eOur !ave 8ommander has her 0o$ she ta%es care of such mattersA >She docs her $est# I have no dou$t# Sire# $ut I have made friends with the technicians The) are not safe !ould I have an) other reason to soil m) hands with them# $ut the safet) of AtlantisAThe Se%0en listened 2irst# dou$tfull): then# with fear on his soft face He said# >I shall have them in custod) /A >Softl)# Sire#A said 9lat >!e cannot do without them meanwhile# since none of uscan man the guns and the antigravs It would $e $etter to give them no o**ortunit) for re$ellion In two wee%s the new theater will $e dedicated with games and feastingA >And what do the) intend then@A >I am not )et certain# Sire 'ut I %now enough torecommend that a division of !aves $e $rought to Atlantis Secretl)# of course# and at the last minute so that it will $e too late for the re$els to change an) *lans the) have made The) will have to dro* them altogether# and the *ro*er moment# once lost# ma) never $e regained Thereafter# I will learn more If necessar)# we will train new men It would $e a *it)# Sire# to tell an)one of this in advance If the technicians learn our countermeasures *rematurel)# matters ma) go $adl)A The Se%0en# with his 0eweled hand to his chin# mused / and $elieved Shah 3uido 3# thought 9hilo 9lat In histor)# )ou"ll go down as Shah 3uido 3 9hilo 9lat watched the gaiet) from a distance Atlantis"s central sHave )ou ever told this to an)one@A 9lat shoo% his head 2ulton"s mind went $ac% a !e got )our message# of course It was hard to $elieve# as )ou e&*ected Man) feared a tra* even after re*ort of the 2all arrived 'ut / well# it"s histor) The Higher Ones that remained# those on theSurface# were demorali1ed and $efore the) could recover# the) were done >'ut tell me#A he turned to 9lat with sudden# hard curiosit) >!hat was it )ou did"C !e"ve alwa)s assumed )ou sa$otaged the *ower stationsA >I %now The truth is so much less romantic# 2ulton The world would *refer to $elieve its m)th Let itA >Ma) I have the truth@A >If )ou will As I told )ou# the Higher Ones $uilt and $uilt to saturation The antigrav energ) $eams had to su**ort a weight in $uildings# guns# and enclosing shell that dou$led and tri*led as the )ears went on An) reThe technicians# as I said# had alread) reached the stage where the) were distur$ed at the construction of single $uildings I You %now# there is a fatalit) in namesA >!hat do )ou mean@A >!h)# that once more in histor) Atlantis san% $eneath the !avesA GGGGG5ow that )ou"ve read the stor)# )ou"ll notice that the whole thing is for the *ur*ose of that +nal lous) *un# right@ In fact# one *erson came u* to me and# in tones of dee* disgust# said# >!h)# SHAH 3(I4O 3 is nothing $ut a shagg)/dog stor)A >Right#A I said# >and if )ou divide the title into two *arts instead of three# )ou get SHAH3(I 4O3# so don"t )ou thin% I %now it@A In other words# the title is a *un# too !ith 4avid on his wa)# we o$viousl) couldn"t remain in that im*ossi$le Somerville a*artment Since I could now drive a car# we were no longer $ound to the $us lines and could loo% farther a+eld In the s*ring of ,-6, we moved into an a*artment in !altham# Massachusetts# therefore It was a great im*rovement over the earlier a*artment# though it# too# was *rett) hot in the summer There were two ver) small $uilt/in $oo%cases in the living room of the a*artment and I $egan using that for a collection of m) own $oo%s in chronological order I got u* to seventeen $oo%s while I was in that a*artment !hen m) $iochemistr) te&t$oo% came out in ,-6O I *laced it with the rest in its *ro*er order It received no *referential treatment I saw no wa) in which a scienti+c te&t$oo% could la) claim to greater res*ecta$ilit) than a science +ction novel If I had am$itions# in fact# it was not toward res*ecta$ilit) I %e*t wanting to write funn) material Humor is a funn) thing# however / All right# humor is a )eculiar thing# if )ou have a *re0udice against a witt) *la) onwords There is no wa) of $eing almost funn) or mildl) funn) or fairl) funn) or tolera$l) funn) You are either funn) or not funn) and there is nothing in $etween And usuall) it is the writer who thin%s he is funn) and the reader who thin%s he isn"t 5aturall)# then# humor isn"t something a man should lightl) underta%e: es*eciall)in the earl) da)s of his career when he has not )et learned to handle his tools / And )et almost ever) $eginning writer tries his hand at humor# convinced that it is an eas) thing to do I was no e&ce*tion ') the time I had written and su$mitted four stories# and had# as )et# sold none# I alread) felt it was time to write a funn) stor) I did It was *ing #round the Sun, something I actuall) managed to sell and which was eventuall) included in THE EARLY ASIMOV I didn"t thin% it was successfull) funn) even at the time it was written 5or did I thin% several other funn) stories I tried m) hand at# such as Christmas on Ganymede Ialso in THE EARLY ASIMOVK and *obot #'+,- Goes #stray Iincluded in THE REST O2 THE RO'OTS# 4ou$leda)# ,-.JK were reall) funn) It wasn"t till ,-6O that Iin m) own mind onl): I sa) nothing a$out )oursK I succeeded I wrote two stories# '(TTO5# '(TTO5 and THE MO5?EY"S 2I53ER# in which I de+nitel) thought I had managed to do it right I was giggling all the wa) through each one# and I managed to unload $oth on Startling Stories, where the) a**eared in successive issues# '(TTO5# '(TTO5 in the ;anuar) ,-6P issue and THE MO5?EY"S 2I53ER in the 2e$ruar) ,-6P issue And# 3entle Reader# if )ou don"t thin% the)"re funn)# do )our $est not to tell me so Leave me to m) illusions BUTTON, BUTTON It was the tu&edo that fooled me and for two seconds I didn"t recogni1e him To me# he was 0ust a *ossi$le client# the +rst that had whi=ed m) wa) in a wee% / and heloo%ed $eautiful Even wearing a tu&edo at -FJ6 AM he loo%ed $eautiful Si& inches of $on) wrist and ten inches of %no$$) hand continued on where his sleeve left o=: the to* of his soc%s and the $ottom of his trousers did not Is it morning alread)@A He stared vaguel) a$out him# then went to the window and loo%ed out That"s m) uncle Otto Schlemmelma)er I assured him it was morning and with ane=ort he deduced that he must have $een wal%ing the cit) streets all night He too% a handful of +ngers awa) from his forehead to sa)# >'ut I was so u*set# Harr) At the $anSo when I saw that was all# I got u* and ver) *olitel) saidF "3entlemen# dead dro*C" and wal%ed outA >Then )ou wal%ed the streets all nightA I +lled in for him# >and came here without even changing )our clothes You"re still in )our tu&edoA M) uncle Otto stretched out an arm and loo%ed at its covering >A tu&edo@A he said >A tu&edoCA I said His long# 0owled chec%s turned $lotch) red and he roared# >I come here on something of +rst/rate im*ortance and )ou insist on a$out nothing $ut tu&edos tal%ing M) own ne*hewCA I let the +re $urn out M) uncle Otto is the $rilliant one in the famil)# so e&ce*t for tr)ing to %ee* him from falling into sewers and wal%ing out of windows# we morons tr) not to $other him I said# >And what can I do for )ou# (ncle@A I tried to ma%e it sound $usinessli%e: I tried to introduce the law)er/client relationshi* He waited im*ressivel) and said# >I need mone)A He had come to the wrong *lace I said# >(ncle# right now I don"t have /A >5ot from )ou#A he said I felt $etter He said# >There is a new Schlemmelma)er E=ect: a $etter one This one I do not in scienti+c 0ournals *u$lish M) $ig mouth shut I %ee* It entirel) m) own isA He was leading a *hantom orchestra with his $on) +st as he s*o%e >2rom this new E=ect#A he went on# >I will ma%e mone) and m) own Bute factor) o*enA >3ood#A I said# thin%ing of the factor) and l)ing>'ut I don"t %now howA >'ad#A I said thin%ing of the factor) and l)ing>The trou$le is m) mind is $rilliant I can conceive conce*ts $e)ond ordinar) *eo*le Onl)# Harr)# I can"t conceive wa)s of ma%ing mone) It"s a talent I do not haveA >'ad#A I said# not l)ing at all >So I come to )ou as a law)erA I sniggered a little de*recating snigger >I come to )ou#A he went on# >to ma%e )ou hel* me with )our croo%ed# l)ing# snea%ing# dishonest law)er"s $rainA I +led the remar%# mentall)# under une&*ected com*liments and said# >I love )ou# too# (ncle OttoA He must have sensed the sarcasm $ecause he turned *ur*le with rage and )elled# >4on"t $e touch) 'e li%e me# *atient# understanding# and eas)going# lum*head !ho sa)s an)thing a$out )ou as a man@ As a man# )ou are an honest dunder%o*f# $ut as a law)er# )ou have to $e a croo% Ever)one %nows thatAI sighed The 'ar Association warned me there would $e da)s li%e this >!hat"s )our new E=ect# (ncle Otto@A I as%ed He said# >I can reach $ac% into Time and $ring things out of the *astA I acted !ell# (ncle#A I said heartil)# >I 0ust remem$ered an e&tremel) im*ortant a**ointment I"m alread) hours late for Alwa)s glad to see )ou And now# I"m afraid I must sa) good/$)e Yes# sir# seeing )ou has $een a *leasure# a real *leasure !ell# good/$)e Yes# sir /A I failed to lift the tele*hone out of its cradle I was *ulling u* all right# $ut m) uncle Otto"s hand was on mine and *ushing down It was no contest Have I said m) uncle Otto was once on the Heidel$erg wrestling team in "PO@ He too% hold of m) el$ow gentl) Ifor himK and I was standing It was a great saving of muscular e=ort Ifor meK >Let"sA he said# >to m) la$orator) goA He to his la$orator) went And since I had neither the %nife nor the inclination to cut m) left arm o= at the shoulder# I to his la$orator) went also M) uncle Otto"s la$orator) is down a corridor and around a corner in one of the universit) $uildings Ever since the Schlemmelma)er E=ect had turned out to $e a $ig thing# he had $een relieved of all course wor% and left entirel) to himself His la$orator) loo%ed it I said# >4on"t )ou %ee* the door loc%ed an)more@A He loo%ed at me sl)l)# his huge nose wrin%ling into a sni= >It is loc%ed !ith a Schlemmelma)er rela)# it"s loc%ed I thin% a word / and the door o*ens !ithout it# no$od) can get in 5ot even the *resident of the universit) 5ot even the .anitor.AI got a little e&cited# >3reat guns# (ncle Otto A thought/loc% could $ring )ou /A >HahC I should sell the *atent for someone else rich to get@ After last night@ 5ever In a while# I will m)self rich $ecomeA One thing a$out m) uncle Otto He"s not one of these fellows )ou have to argue and argue with $efore )ou can get him to see the light You %now in advance he"ll never see the light So I changed the su$0ect I said# >And the time machine@A M) uncle Otto is a foot taller than I am# thirt) *ounds heavier# and strong as an o& !hen he *uts his hands around m) throat and sha%es# I have to con+ne m) own *art in the conBict to turning $lue I turned $lue accordingl) He said Ssh/ I got the idea He let go and said# >5o$od) %nows a$out 9ro0ect RA He re*eated# heavil)# >9ro0ect R You understand@A I nodded I couldn"t s*ea% an)wa) with a lar)n& that was onl) slowl) healing He said# >I do not as% )ou to ta%e m) word for it I will for )ou a demonstration ma%eA I tried to sta) near the door He said# >4o )ou have a *iece of *a*er with )our own handwriting on it@A I fum$led in m) inner 0ac%et *oc%et I had notes for a *ossi$le $rief for a *ossi$le client on some *ossi$le future da) (ncle Otto said# >4on"t show it to me ;ust tear it u* In little *ieces tear it u* andin this $ea%er the fragments *utA I tore it into one hundred and twent)/eight *ieces He considered them thoughtfull) and $egan ad0usting %no$s on a / well# on a machine It had a thic% o*al/glass sla$ attached to it that loo%ed li%e a dentist"s tra) There was a wait He %e*t ad0usting Then he said# #ha/ and I made a sort of You can"t#A he said# and *assed his hand through it The *a*er remained $ehind#untouched He said# >It"s onl) an image at one focus of a four/dimensional *ara$oloidThe other focus is at a *oint in time $efore )ou tore it u*A I *ut m) hand through it# too I didn"t feel a thing >5ow watch#A he said He turned a %no$ on the machine and the image of the *a*er vanished Then he too% out a *inch of *a*er from the *ile of scra*# dro**ed them in an ashtra)# and set a match to it He Bushed the ash down the sin% He turned a %no$ again and the *a*er a**eared# $ut with a di=erence Ragged *atches in it were missing >The $urned *ieces@A I as%ed >E&actl) The machine must trace in time along the h)*ervectors of the molecules on which it is focused If certain molecules are in the air dis*ersed / )0+1+1t/ I had an idea >Su**ose )ou 0ust had the ash of a documentA >Onl) those molecules would $e traced $ac%A >'ut the)"d $e so well distri$uted#A I *ointed out# >that )ou could get a ha1) *icture of the entire documentA >Hmm Ma)$eA The idea $ecame more e&citing >!ell# then# loo%# (ncle Otto 4o )ou %now how much *olice de*artments would *a) for a machine li%e this It would $e a $oon to thelegal /A I sto**ed I didn"t li%e the wa) he was sti=ening I said# *olitel)# >You were sa)ing# (ncle@AHe was remar%a$l) calm a$out it He s*o%e in scarcel) more than a shout >Once and for all# ne*hew All m) inventions I will m)self from now on develo* 2irst I must some initial ca*ital o$tain 8a*ital from some source other than m) ideas selling After that# I will for m) Butes a factor) to manufacture o*en That comes +rst Afterward# afterward# with m) *ro+ts I can time/vector machiner) manufacture 'ut +rst m) Butes 'efore an)thing# m) Butes Last night# I so swore >Through sel+shness of a few the world of great music is $eing de*rived Shall m) name in histor) as a murderer go down@ Shall the Schlemmelma)er E=ect a wa) to fr) men"s $rains he@ Or shall it $eautiful music to mind $ring@ 3reat# wonderful# enduring music@A He had a hand raised oracularl) and the other $ehind his hac% The windows gave out a shrill hum as the) vi$rated to his wordsI said (ncle Otto# the)"ll hear )ouA >Then sto* shouting#A he retorted >'ut loo%#A I *rotested# >how do )ou *lan to get )our initial ca*ital# if )ou won"t e&*loit this machiner)@A >I haven"t told )ou I can ma%e an image real !hat if the image is valua$le@A That did sound good >You mean# li%e some lost document# manuscri*t# +rst edition / things li%e that@A >!ell# no There"s a catch Two catches Three catchesA I waited for him to sto* counting# $ut three seemed the limit >!hat are the)@A I as%ed He said# >2irst# I must have the o$0ect in the *resent to focus on or I can"t locate it in the *astA >You mean )ou can"t get an)thing that doesn"t e&ist right now where )ou can seeit@A >YesA >In that case# catches two and three are *urel) academic 'ut what are the)# an)wa)@A >I can onl) remove a$out a gram of material from the *astA A gramC A thirtieth of an ounceC >!hat"s the matter@ 5ot enough *ower@A M) uncle Otto said im*atientl)# >It"s an inverse e&*onential relationshi* All the *ower in the universe more than ma)$e two grams couldn"t $ringA This left things cloud) I said# >The third catch@A >!ellA He hesitated >The further the two foci se*arated are# the more Be&i$le the $ond It must a certain length $e $efore into the *resent it can he drawn In otherwords# I must at least one hundred +ft) )ears into the *ast goA >I see#A I said Inot that I reall) didK >Let"s summari1eA I tried to sound li%e a law)er >You want to $ring something from the *ast out of which )ou can coin a little ca*ital It"s got to he something that e&ists and which )ou can see# so it can"t $e a lost o$0ect of historical or archaeological value It"s got to weigh less than a thirtieth of an ounce# so it can"t he the ?ullinan diamond or an)thing li%e that It"s got to $e at least one hundred and +ft) )ears old# so it can"t $ea rare stam*A >E&actl)#A said m) uncle Otto >You"ve got itA >3ot what@A I thought two seconds >8an"t thin% of a thing#A I said >!ell# good/$)e# (ncle OttoA I didn"t thin% it would wor%# $ut I tried to go It didn"t wor% M) uncle Otto"s hands came down on m) shoulders and I was standing ti*toe on an inch of air >You"ll wrin%le m) 0ac%et# (ncle OttoA >Harold#A he said >As a law)er to a client# )ou owe me more than a I didn"t ta%e a retainer#A I managed to gargle M) shirt collar was $eginning to +tver) tightl) a$out m) nec% I tried to swallow and the to* $utton *inged o= He reasoned# >'etween relatives a retainer is a formalit) As a client and as an uncle# )ou owe me a$solute lo)alt) And $esides# if )ou do not hel* me out I will tie )our legs $ehind )our nec% and dri$$le )ou li%e a $as%et$allA !ell# as a law)er# I am alwa)s susce*ti$le to logic I said# >I give u* I surrender You winA He let me dro* And then / this is the *art that seems most un$elieva$le to me when I loo% $ac% at it all / I got an idea It was a whale of an idea A *i*eroo The one in a lifetime that ever)one gets once in a lifetime I didn"t tell (ncle Otto the whole thing at the time I wanted a few da)s to thin% a$out it 'ut I told him what to do I told him he would have to go to !ashington It wasn"t eas) to argue him into it# $ut# on the other hand# if )ou %now m) uncle Otto# there are wa)s I found two ten/dollar $ills lur%ing *itifull) in m) wallet and gave them to him I said# >I"ll ma%e out a chec% for the train fare and )ou can %ee* the two tens if it turns out I"m $eing dishonest with )ouA He considered >A fool to ris% twent) dollars for nothing )ou aren"t#A he admittedHe was right# too He was $ac% in two da)s and *ronounced the o$0ect focused After all# it was on *u$lic view It"s in a nitrogen/+lled# air/tight case# $ut m) uncle Otto said that didn"t matter And $ac% in the la$orator)# four hundred miles awa) the focusing remained accurate M) uncle Otto assured me of that# too I said# >Two things# (ncle Otto# $efore we do an)thingA >!hat@ !hat@ !hat@A He went on at greater length# >!hat@ !hat@ !hat@ !hatA I gathered he was growing an&ious I said# >Are )ou sure that if we $ring into the *resent a *iece of something out of the *ast# that *iece won"t disa**ear out of the o$0ect as it now e&ists@A M) uncle Otto crac%ed his large %nuc%les and said# >!e are creating new matter# not stealing old !h) else should we enormous energ) need@A I *assed on to the second *oint >!hat a$out m) fee@A You ma) not $elieve this# $ut I hadn"t mentioned mone) till then M) uncle Otto hadn"t either# $ut then# that follows His mouth stretched in a $ad imitation of an a=ectionate smile >A fee@A >Ten *er cent of the ta%e#A I e&*lained# >is what I"ll needA His 0owls droo*ed >'ut how much is the ta%e@A >Ma)$e a hundred thousand dollars That would leave )ou ninet)A >5inet) thousand / HimmelC Then wh) do we wait@A He lea*ed at his machine and in half a minute the s*ace a$ove the dentist"s tra) was agleam with an image of *archment It was covered with neat scri*t# closel) s*aced# loo%ing li%e an entr) for an old/fashioned *enmanshi* *ri1e At the $ottom of the sheet there were namesF one large one and +ft)/+ve small ones 2unn) thingC I cho%ed u* I had seen man) re*roductions# $ut this was the real thing The real 4eclaration of Inde*endenceC I said# >I"ll $e damned You did itA >And the hundred thousand@A as%ed m) uncle Otto# getting to the *oint 5ow was the time to e&*lain >You see# (ncle# at the $ottom of the document there are signatures These are the names of great Americans# fathers of their countr)# whom we all reverence An)thing a$out them is of interest to all true AmericansA >All right#A grum$led m) uncle Otto# >I will accom*an) )ou $) *la)ing the "Stars and Stri*es 2orever" on m) ButeA I laughed Stars and Stri*es 2oreverA on his Bute@ I said# >'ut one of these signers# from the state of 3eorgia# died in ,NNN# the )earafter he signed the 4eclaration He didn"t have much $ehind him and so authentic e&am*les of his signature was a$out the most valua$le in the world His name was 'utton 3winnettA >And how does this hel* us cash in@A as%ed m) uncle Otto# his mind still +&ed griml) on the eternal verities of the universe >Here#A I said# sim*l)# >is an authentic# real/life signature of 'utton 3winnett# right on the 4eclaration of Inde*endenceA M) uncle Otto was stunned into a$solute silence# and to $ring a$solute silence out of m) uncle Otto# he"s reall) got to $e stunnedC I said# >5ow )ou see him right here on the e&treme left of the signature s*ace along with the two other signers for 3eorgia# L)man Hall and 3eorge !alton You"ll notice the) crowded their names although there"s *lent) of room a$ove and $elow Infact# the ca*ital 3 of 3winnett runs down into *ractical contact with Hall"s name So we won"t tr) to se*arate them !e"ll get them all 8an )ou handle that@A Have )ou ever seen a $loodhound that loo%ed ha**)@ !ell# m) uncle Otto managed it A s*ot of $righter light centered a$out the names of the three 3eorgian signers M) uncle Otto said# a little $reathlessl)# >I have this never tried $eforeA >!hatCA I screamed 2ow he told me >It would have too much energ) reAh# haCA and I o*ened m) e)es E&actl)#A I $a$$led# >wh) must it $e@ The) can"t *rove a thing wrong with it# $ecause it"s genuine !h) must it he a fraud# eh@ Why/ M) uncle Otto"s voice was terrif)ingl) saccharine He said# >!e got the *archment from the *ast@A >Yes Yes You %now we didA >Over a hundred +ft) )ears in the *ast You said /A >And a hundred +ft) )ears ago the *archment on which the 4eclaration of Inde*endence was written *rett) new was 5o@A I was $eginning to get it# $ut not fast enough M) uncle Otto"s voice switched gears and $ecame a dull# thro$$ing roar# >And if 'utton 3winnett in ,NNN died# )ou 3odforsa%en dunderlum*# how can an authentic signature of his on a new *iece of *archment $e found@A After that it was 0ust a case of the whole world rushing $ac%ward and forward a$out me I e&*ect to $e on m) feet soon I still ache# $ut the doctors tell me no $ones were$ro%en Still# m) uncle Otto didn"t have to ma%e me swallow the damned *archment GGGGGIf I had ho*ed to $e recogni1ed as a master of humor as a result of these stories# I thin% I failed L S*rague de 8am*# one of the most successful writers of humorous science +ction and fantas)# had this to sa) a$out me in his science Fiction 3andbook IHermitage House# ,-6PK# which# as )ou see# a**eared not long after these Iin m) o*inionK successful fora)s into humorF >Asimov is a stoutish# )oungish/loo%ing man with wav) $rown hair# $lue e)es# and a $ouncing# 0ovial# e=ervescent manner# esteemed among his friends for his generous# warm/hearted nature E&tremel) socia$le# articulate# and witt)# he is a *erfect toastmaster This vein of oral humor contrasts with the so$riet) of his storiesA Sobriety On the other hand# twelves DsicE )ears later# 3ro= 8on%lin included '(TTO5# '(TTO5# in his antholog) 45 #bo"e the 2i6ht I4ell# ,-.6K and he said# in *art# >!henthe 3ood 4octor decides to ta%e a da) o= and $e funn)# he can $e ver) funn) indeedA 5ow# although 3ro= and S*rague were $oth ver) dear friends of mine I3ro= is now dead# alasK# there is no generous# warm/hearted natureA crac% $) S*rague# which ma) *u11le those who %now me as a vicious# rotten $rute S*rague"s *re0udice in m) favor is# I thin%# all $ased on a single incident It was $ac% in ,-JO# when S*rague and I were wor%ing at the 9hiladel*hia 5av) Yard It was wartime and we needed $adges to get in An)one who forgot his $adge had to $uc% the $ureaucrac) for an hour to get a tem*orar)# was doc%ed an hour"s *a)# and had the heinous misdeed entered on his record As we wal%ed u* to the gate on this *articular da) S*rague turned a *astel shadeof green and said >I forgot m) $adgeCA He was u* for a lieutenanc) in the 5av) and he was afraid that even a slight Baw in his civilian record might have an adverse e=ect on the whole thing !ell# I wasn"t u* for an)thing at all# and I was so used to $eing sent to the *rinci*al"s oHce during m) school da)s that $eing )elled at $) the authorities had noterrors for me So I handed him m) $adge and said# >3o in# S*rague# and *in this on )our la*el The)"ll never loo% at itA He went in# and the) didn"t# and I re*orted m)self as having forgotten m) $adge and too% m) lum*s S*rague has never forgotten To this da)# he goes around telling *eo*le what a great gu) I am# des*ite the fact that ever)one 0ust stares at him in dis$elief That oneim*ulsive action has given rise to a lifetime of fervent *ro/Asimov *ro*aganda 8ast )our $read u*on the waters/ 'ut# let"s move onward THE MONKEY'S FINGER >Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes#A said Marmie Tallinn# in si&teen di=erent inBections and *itches# while the AdamMs a**le in his long nec% $o$$ed convulsivel) He was a science +ction writer >5o#A said Lemuel Hos%ins# staring stonil) through his steel/rimmed glasses He was a science +ction editor >Then )ou wonMt acce*t a scienti+c test You wonMt listen to me IMm outvoted# eh@A Marmie lifted himself on his toes# dro**ed down# re*eated the *rocess a few times# and $reathed heavil) His dar% hair was matted into tufts# where +ngers had clutched >One to si&teen#A said Hos%ins >Loo%#A said Marmie# >what ma%es )ou alwa)s right@ !hat ma%es me alwa)s wrong@A >Marmie# face it !eMre each 0udged in our own wa) If maga1ine circulation were to dro*# IMd $e a Bo* IMd $e out on m) ear The *resident of S*ace 9u$lishers would as% no and that )ou canMt get If I ma%e that change# I ruin an ending which# as it stands# has *athos and de*th and feelingA Editor Hos%ins sat $ac% in his chair and a**ealed to his secretar)# who throughout had $een You hear that# Miss ?ane@ 3e tal%s of *athos# de*th# and feeling !hat does a writer %now a$out such things@ Loo%# if )ou insert the Bash$ac%# )ou increase the Sus*ense: )ou tighten the stor): )ou ma%e it more validA 3ow do I ma%e it more valid@A cried Marmie in anguish >You mean to sa) that having a $unch of fellows in a s*aceshi* start tal%ing *olitics and sociolog) when the)Mre lia$le to $e $lown u* ma%es it more "alid( Oh# m) 3odA >ThereMs nothing else )ou can do If )ou wait till the clima& is *ast and then discuss )our *olitics and sociolog)# the reader will go to slee* on )ouA >'ut IMm tr)ing to tell )ou that )ouMre wrong and I can *rove it !hatMs the use of tal%ing when IMve arranged a scienti+c e&*eriment/A >!hat scienti+c e&*eriment@A Hos%ins a**ealed to his secretar) again >How do )ou li%e that# Miss ?ane He thin%s heMs one of his own charactersA >It so ha**ens I %now a scientistA >!ho@A >4r Arndt Torgesson# *rofessor of *s)chod)namics at 8olum$iaA >5ever heard of himA >I su**ose that means a lot#A said Marmie# with contem*t 7ou never heard of him You never heard of Einstein until )our writers started mentioning him in their storiesA >Ver) humorous A )u% !hat a$out this Torgesson@A>HeMs wor%ed out a s)stem for determining scienti+call) the value of a *iece of writing ItMs a tremendous *iece of wor% ItMs/itMs/A > And itMs secret@A >8ertainl) itMs secret HeMs not a science +ction *rofessor In science +ction# when a man thin%s u* a theor)# he announces it to the news*a*ers right awa) In real life# thatMs not done A scientist s*ends )ears on e&*erimentation sometimes $efore goinginto *rint 9u$lishing is a serious thingA >Then how do you %now a$out it@ ;ust a It so ha**ens that 4r Torgesson is a fan of mine He ha**ens to li%e m) stories He ha**ens to thin% IMm the $est fantas) writer in the $usinessA > And he shows )ou his wor%@A >ThatMs right I was counting on )ou $eing stu$$orn a$out this )am and IMve as%ed him to run an e&*eriment for us He said he would do it if we donMt tal% a$out it He said it would $e an interesting e&*eriment He said/A >!hatMs so secret a$out it@A >!ell/A Marmie hesitated >Loo%# su**ose I told )ou he had a mon%e) that could t)*e 3amlet out of its headA Hos%ins stared at Marmie in alarm >!hat are )ou wor%ing u* here# a *ractical 0o%e@A He turned to Miss ?ane >!hen a writer writes science +ction for ten )ears he 0ust isnMt safe without a *ersonal cageA Miss ?ane maintained a stead) t)*ing s*eed Marmie said# >You heard me: a common mon%e)# even funnier/loo%ing than the average editor I made an a**ointment for this afternoon Are )ou coming with me or not@A >Of course not You thin% IMd a$andon a stac% of manuscri*ts this highA/and he indicated his lar)n& with a cutting motion of the hand/Afor )our stu*id 0o%es@ You thin% I"ll *la) straight man for )ou@A >If this is in an) wa) a 0o%e# Hos%ins# I"ll stand )ou dinner in an) restaurant )ou name Miss ?aneMs the witnessA Hos%ins sat $ac% in his chair >You"ll $u) me dinner@ You# Marmadu%e Tallinn# 5ewYor%Ms most widel) %nown ta*eworm/on/credit# are going to *ic% u* a chec%@A Marmie winced# not at the reference to his agilit) in overloo%ing a dinner chec%# $ut at the mention of his name in all its horri$le tr)s)lla$icit) He said# >I re*eat 4inner on me wherever )ou want and whatever )ou want Stea%s# mushrooms# $reast of guinea hen# Martian alligator# an)thingA Hos%ins stood u* and *luc%ed his hat from the to* of the +ling ca$inet >2or a chance#A he said# >to see )ou unfold some of the old/st)le# large/si1e dollar$ills )ouMve $een %ee*ing in the false heel of )our left shoe since nineteen/two/eight# IMd wal% to 'oston A 4r Torgesson was honored He shoo% Hos%inMs hand warml) and said# >IMve $een reading S)ace 7arns ever since I came to this countr)# Mr Hos%ins It is an e&cellent maga1ine I am *articularl) fond of Mr TallinnMs storiesA >You hear@A as%ed Marmie >I hear Marmie sa)s )ou have a mon%e) with talent# 9rofessorA >Yes#A Torgesson said# >$ut of course this must $e con+dential I am not )et read)to *u$lish# and *remature *u$licit) could $e m) *rofessional ruinA >This is strictl) under the editorial hat# 9rofessorA>3ood# good Sit down# gentlemen# sit downA He *aced the Boor $efore them >!hat have )ou told Mr Hos%ins a$out m) wor%# Marmie@A >5ot a thing# 9rofessorA >So !ell# Mr Hos%ins# as the editor of a science +ction maga1ine# I donMt have to as% )ou if )ou %now an)thing a$out c)$erneticsA Hos%ins allowed a glance of concentrated intellect to oo1e out *ast his steel/rimsHe said# >Ah# )es 8om*uting machines/MIT/5or$ert !einer/A He mum$led some more >Yes YesA Torgesson *aced faster >Then )ou must %now that chess/*la)ing com*uters have $een constructed on c)$ernetic *rinci*les The rules of chess moves and the o$0ect of the game are $uilt into its circuits 3iven an) *osition on the chess $oard# the machine can then com*ute all *ossi$le moves together with their conseAh# )es#A said Hos%ins# stro%ing his chin *rofoundl) Torgesson said# >5ow imagine a similar situation in which a com*uting machine can $e given a fragment of a literar) wor% to which the com*uter can then add wordsfrom its stoc% of the entire voca$ular) such that the greatest literar) values are served 5aturall)# the machine would have to $e taught the signi+cance of the various %e)s of a t)*ewriter Of course# such a com*uter would have to $e much# much more com*le& than an) chess *la)erA Hos%ins stirred restlessl) >The mon%e)# 9rofessor Marmie mentioned a mon%e)A>'ut that is what I am coming to#A said Torgesson >5aturall)# no machine $uilt is suHcientl) com*le& 'ut the human $rain//ah The human $rain is itself a com*uting machine Of course# I couldnMt use a human $rain The law# unfortunatel)# would not *ermit me 'ut even a mon%e)Ms $rain# *ro*erl) managed# can do more than an) machine ever constructed $) man !aitC IMll go get little RolloA He left the room Hos%ins waited a moment# then loo%ed cautiousl) at Marmie He said# >Oh# $rotherCA Marmie said# >!hatMs the matter@A >!hatMs the matter@ The manMs a *hon) Tell me# Marmie# where did )ou hire this fa%er@A Marmie was outraged >2a%er@ This is a genuine *rofessorMs oHce in 2a)erweather Hall# 8olum$ia You recogni1e 8olum$ia# I ho*e You saw the statue of Alma Mater on ,,.th Street I *ointed out EisenhowerMs oHceA >Sure# $ut/A >And this is 4r TorgessonMs oHce Loo% at the dustA He $lew at a te&t$oo% and stirred u* clouds of it >The dust alone shows itMs the real thing And loo% at the title of the $oo%: Psychodynamics o1 3uman Beha"ior, $) 9rofessor Arndt Rolf TorgessonA >3ranted# Marmie# granted There is a Torgesson and this is his oHce How )ou %new the real gu) was on vacation and how )ou managed to get the use of his oHce#I donMt %now 'ut are )ou tr)ing to tell me that this comic with his mon%e)s and com*uters is the real thing@ HahCA >!ith a sus*icious nature li%e )ours# I can onl) assume )ou had a ver) misera$le# re0ected t)*e of childhoodA >;ust the result of e&*erience with writers# Marmie I have m) restaurant all *ic%ed out and this will cost )ou a *rett) *enn)A Marmie snorted# >This wonMt cost me even the ugliest *enn) )ou ever *aid me Suiet# heMs coming $ac%A !ith the *rofessor# and clinging to his nec%# was a ver) melanchol) ca*uchin mon%e) >This#A said Torgesson# >is little Rollo Sa) hello# RolloA The mon%e) tugged at his foreloc% The *rofessor said# >HeMs tired# IMm afraid 5ow# I have a *iece of his manuscri*t right hereA He *ut the mon%e) down and let it cling to his +nger while he $rought out two sheets of *a*er from his 0ac%et *oc%et and handed them to Hos%ins Hos%ins read# > MTo $e or not to $e: that is the He loo%ed u* >Little Rollo t)*ed this@A >5ot e&actl) ItMs a co*) of what he t)*edA >Oh# a co*) !ell# little Rollo doesnMt %now his Sha%es*eare ItMs Mto ta%e arms against a sea of trou$lesM > Torgesson nodded >You are ThatMs enoughA said Torgesson There was silence as the) waited The mon%e) regarded the t)*ewriter solemnl) Torgesson said# >The *rocess ta%es time# of course Little Rollo has to ta%e into account the romanticism of the *oem# the slightl) archaic Bavor: the strong sing/songrh)thm# and so onA And then a $lac% little +nger reached out and touched a %e) It was a t. >He doesnMt ca*itali1e#A said the scientist# >or *unctuate# and his s*acing isnMt ver) relia$le ThatMs wh) I usuall) ret)*e his wor% when heMs +nishedA Little Rollo touched an h, then an e and a y. Then# after a longish *ause# he ta**ed the s*ace $ar >The)#A said Hos%ins The words t)*ed themselves outF >the) have dared the white re*u$ lics u*the ca*es of ital) the) have dashed the adreeatic roundthe lion of the sea: and the *o*ehas throw n his arms a$roa dfor agoni and loss and called the %ings of chrissndom for sords a$out the crossA >M) 3odCA said Hos%ins >ThatMs the wa) the *iece goes then@A as%ed Torgesson >2or the love of 9eteCA said Hos%ins >If it is# then 8hesterton must have done a good# consistent 0o$A >Hol) smo%esCA said Hos%ins >You see#A said Marmie# massaging Hos%insMs shoulder# >)ou see# )ou see# )ou see You see#A he added >IMll $e damned#A said Hos%ins >5ow loo%#A said Marmie# ru$$ing his hair till it rose in clusters li%e a coc%atooMs chest# >letMs get to $usiness LetMs tac%le m) stor)A >!ell $ut/A >It will not $e $e)ond little RolloMs ca*acit)#A Torgesson assured him >I freItMs not that#A said Hos%ins >An) mon%e) can write $etter S2 than some of the hac%s weMve got 'ut the Tallinn stor) is thirteen thousand words long ItMll ta%e forever for the mon% to t)*e itA >5ot at all# Mr Hos%ins# not at all I shall read the stor) to him# and at the crucial *oint we will let him continueA Hos%ins folded his arms >Then shoot IMm read)A >I#A said Marmie# >am more than read)A And he folded his arms Little Rollo sat there# a furr) little $undle of catale*tic miser)# while 4r TorgessonMs soft voice rose and fell in cadence with a s*aceshi* $attle and the su$seStaln) fro1e in the silence of the eternal stars His aching %nee tore at his consciousness as he waited for the monsters to hear the thud and//A Marmie )an%ed des*eratel) at 4r TorgessonMs sleeve Torgesson loo%ed u* and disconnected little Rollo >ThatMs it#A said Marmie >You see# 9rofessor# itMs 0ust a$out here that Hos%ins is getting his stic%) little +ngers into the wor%s I continue the scene outside the s*aceshi* till Staln) wins out and the shi* is $ac% in Earth hands Then I go into e&*lanations Hos%ins wants me to $rea% that outside scene# get $ac% inside# halt theaction for two thousand words# then get $ac% out again Ever hear such crud@A >Su**ose we let the mon% decide#A said Hos%ins 4r Torgesson turned little Rollo on# and a $lac% shriveled +nger reached hesitantl) out to the t)*ewriter Hos%ins and Marmie leaned forward simultaneousl)# their heads coming softl) together 0ust over little RolloMs $rooding $od) The t)*ewriter *unched out the letter t. >T#A encouraged Marmie# nodding >T#A agreed Hos%ins The t)*ewriter made an a, then went on at a more ra*id rateF >ta%e action stalnee waited in hel*less hor ror forair loc%s to)awn and suited laroos to emerge relentlessl)//A >!ord for word#A said Marmie in ra*tures >He certainl) has )our gooe) st)leA>The readers li%e itA >The) wouldnMt if their average mental age wasnMt/A Hos%ins sto**ed >3o on#A said Marmie# >sa) it Sa) it Sa) their IS is that of a twelve/)ear/old childand IMll 3entlemen#A said Torgesson# >gentlemen YouMll distur$ little RolloA The) turned to the t)*ewriter# which was still ta**ing steadil)F >/the stars whelled in ther mightie or$ its as stalnees earth$ound senses insis ted the rotating shi* sto od stillA The t)*ewriter carriage whi**ed $ac% to $egin a new line Marmie held his $reath Here# if an)where# would come//And the little +nger moved out and madeF L Hos%ins )elled# >Asteris%CA >Marmie muttered# > Asteris%A Torgesson said# > Asteris%@A A line of nine more asteris%s followed >ThatMs all# $rother#A said Hos%ins He e&*lained !ith Marmie# itMs a ha$it to use a line of asteris%s when he wants to indicate a radical shift of scene And a radical shift of scene is e&actl) what I wantedA The t)*ewriter started a new *aragra*hF >within the shi*/A >Turn it o=# 9rofessor#A said Marmie Hos%ins ru$$ed his hands >!hen do I get the revision Marmie@A Marmie said cooll)# >!hat revision@A>You said the mon%Ms versionA >I sure did ItMs what I $rought )ou here to see That little Rollo is a machine: a cold# $rutal# logical machineA >!ell@A >And the *oint is that a good writer is not a machine He doesnMt write with his mind# $ut with his heart His heartA Marmie *ounded his chest Hos%ins groaned >!hat are )ou doing to me# Marmie@ If )ou give me that heart/and/soul/of/a/writer routine# IMll 0ust $e forced to turn sic% right here and right now LetMs %ee* all this on the usual IMll/write/an)thing/for/mone) $asisA Marmie said# >;ust listen to me for a minute Little Rollo corrected Sha%es*eare You *ointed that out for )ourself Little Rollo wanted Sha%es*eare to sa)# Mhost of trou$les#M and he was right from his machine stand*oint A Msea of trou$lesM under the circumstances is a mi&ed meta*hor 'ut donMt )ou su**ose Sha%es*eare %new that# too@ Sha%es*eare 0ust ha**ened to %now when to break the rules# thatMs all Little Rollo is a machine that canMt $rea% the rules# $ut a good writer can# and must. MSea oftrou$lesM is more im*ressive: it has roll and *ower The hell with the mi&ed meta*hor >5ow# when )ou tell me to shift the scene# )ouMre following mechanical rules on maintaining sus*ense# so of course little Rollo agrees with )ou 'ut I %now that I must$rea% the rules to maintain the *rofound emotional im*act of the ending as I see it Otherwise I have a mechanical *roduct that a com*uter can turn outA Hos%ins said# >'ut/A >3o on#A said Marmie# >vote for the mechanical Sa) that little Rollo is all the editor )ouMll ever $eA Hos%ins said# with a All right# Marmie# IMll ta%e the stor) as is 5o# donMt give it to me: mail it IMve got to +nd a $ar# if )ou donMt mindA He forced his hat down on his head and turned to leave Torgesson called after him >4onMt tell an)one a$out little Rollo# *leaseA The *arting answer Boated $ac% over a slamming door# >4o )ou thin% IMm cra1)@ A Marmie ru$$ed his hands ecstaticall) when he was sure Hos%ins was gone >'rains# thatMs what it was#A he said# and *ro$ed one +nger as dee*l) into his tem*le as it would go >This sale I en0o)ed This sale# 9rofessor# is worth all the rest IMve ever made All the rest of them togetherA He colla*sed 0o)full) on the nearest chair Torgesson lifted little Rollo to his shoulder He said mildl)# >'ut# Marmadu%e# whatwould )ou have done if little Rollo had t)*ed )our version instead@A A too% of grievance *assed momentaril) over MarmieMs face >!ell# damn it#A he said# >thatMs what I thought it was going to doA GGGGGI5 THE MO5?EYMS 2I53ER# $) the wa)# the writer and editor were modeled on a real *air# arguing over a real stor) in a real wa) The stor) involved was C+Chute, which had a**eared in the Octo$er ,-6, Gala8yIafter the argumentK and which was eventuall) included in m) $oo% 5I3HT2ALL A54 OTHER STORIES I was the writer# of course# and Horace 3old was the editor Though the argument and the stor) are authentic# the *eo*le are caricatured I am nothing at all li%e the writer in the stor) and Horace is certainl) nothing at all li%e the editor in the stor) Horace has his own *eculiarities which are far more interestingthan the ones I madeM u* for +ctional *ur*oses# and so have I/$ut never mind that Of all the stories I have written that have a**eared once and then never again# this ne&t is the one I tal% a$out most I have discussed it in do1ens of tal%s and mentioned it in *rint occasionall)# for a ver) good reason which IMll come to later In A*ril ,-6P I was in 8hicago IMm not much of a traveler and that was the +rst time I was ever in 8hicago Iand I have returned since then onl) onceK I was there to attend an American 8hemical Societ) convention at which I was su**osed to *resent a small *a*er That was little fun# so I thought I would liven things u* $) going to Evanston# a northern su$ur$# and visiting the oHces of 9ni"erse Science Fiction. This maga1ine was then edited $) 'ea Maha=e)# an e&traordinaril) good/loo%ing )oung woman IThe wa) I usuall) *ut it is that science +ction writers voted her# two )ears running# the editor to whom the) would most li%e to su$mitK !hen I arrived in the oHce on A*ril N# ,-6P# 'ea greeted me with great glee and at once as%ed wh) I had not $rought a stor) for her with me >You want a stor)@A I said# $as%ing in her $eaut) MIMll write )ou a stor) 'ring me a t)*ewriterA Actuall)# I was 0ust tr)ing to im*ress her# ho*ing that she would throw herself into m) arms in a s*asm of wild adoration She didnMt She $rought me a t)*ewriter I had to come through Since the tas% of clim$ing Mount Everest was much in thenews those da)s Imen had $een tr)ing to scale it for thirt) )ears and the seventh attem*t to do so had 0ust failedK I thought ra*idl) and wrote EVEREST'ea read it# li%ed it# and o=ered me thirt) dollars# which I acce*ted with alacrit) I*rom*tl) s*ent half of it on a fanc) dinner for the two of us# and la$ored//with so much success to $e charming# de$onair# and suave that the waitress said to me# longingl)# that she wished her son/in/law were li%e me That seemed ho*eful and with a light heart I too% 'ea home to her a*artment I am not sure what I had in mind# $ut if I did have an)thing in mind that was not com*letel) *ro*er Isurel) notCK I was foiled 'ea managed to get into that a*artment#leaving me standing in the hallwa)# without m) ever having seen the door o*en EVEREST In ,-6O the) were a$out read) to give u* tr)ing to clim$ Mount Everest It was the *hotogra*hs that %e*t them going As *hotogra*hs go# the) werenMt much: fu11)# strea%ed# and with 0ust dar% $lo$s against the white to $e interested in 'ut those dar% $lo$s were living creatures The men swore to it I said# >!hat the hell# the)Mve $een tal%ing a$out creatures s%idding along the Everest glaciers for fort) )ears ItMs a$out time we did something a$out itA ;imm) Ro$$ons I*ardon me# ;ames A$ram Ro$$onsK was the one who *ushed meinto that *osition He was alwa)s nuts on mountain clim$ing# )ou see He was the one who %new all a$out how the Ti$etans wouldnMt go near Everest $ecause it was the mountain of the gods He could The camera might have movedA>The crag here is shar* enough And the men swear it was running Imagine the meta$olism it must have to run at that o&)gen *ressure Loo%# $oss# would )ou have $elieved in dee*/sea +sh if )ouMd never heard of them@ You have +sh which are loo%ing for new niches in environment which the) can e&*loit# so the) go dee*er and dee*er into the a$)ss until one da) the) +nd the) canMt return The)Mve ada*ted so thoroughl) the) can live onl) under tons of *ressureA >!ell//A>4amn it# canMt )ou reverse the *icture@ 8reatures can $e forced u* a mountain# canMt the)@ The) can learn to stic% it out in thinner air and colder tem*eratures The) can live on moss or on occasional $irds# 0ust as the dee*/sea +sh in the last anal)sis live on the u**er fauna that slowl) go +ltering down Then# someda)# the) +nd the) canMt go down again I donMt even sa) the)Mre men The) can $e chamois or mountain goats or $adgers or an)thingA I said stu$$ornl)# >The witnesses said the) were vaguel) manli%e# and the re*orted foot*rints are certainl) manli%eA >Or $earli%e#A said ;imm) >You canMt tellA So thatMs when I said# >ItMs a$out time we did something a$out itA ;imm) shrugged and said# >The)Mve $een tr)ing to clim$ Mount Everest for fort) )earsA And he shoo% his head >2or gossa%e#A I said > All )ou mountain clim$ers are nuts ThatMs for sure YouMre not interested in getting to the to* YouMre 0ust interested in getting to the to* in a certain wa) ItMs a$out time we sto**ed fooling around with *ic%s# ro*es# cam*s# and all the *ara*hernalia of the 3entlemenMs 8lu$ that sends suc%ers u* the slo*es ever) +ve )ears or soA >!hat are )ou getting at@A>The) invented the air*lane in ,-7P# )ou %now@A>You mean B) over Mount EverestCA He said it the wa) an English lord would sa)# >Shoot a fo&CA or an angler would sa)# >(se wormsCA >Yes#A I said# >B) over Mount Everest and let someone down on the to* !h) not@A >He wonMt live long The fellow )ou let down# I meanA>!h) not@A I as%ed again >You dro* su**lies and o&)gen tan%s# and the fellow wears a s*acesuit 5aturall)A It too% time to get the Air 2orce to listen and to agree to send a *lane and $) thattime ;imm) Ro$$ons had swiveled his mind to the *oint where he volunteered to $e the one to land on EverestMs *ea% >After all#A he said in a half whis*er# >IMd $e the +rst man ever to stand thereA ThatMs the $eginning of the stor) The stor) itself can $e told ver) sim*l)# and in far fewer words The *lane waited two wee%s during the $est *art of the )ear Ias far as Everest was concerned# that isK for a siege of onl) moderatel) nast) B)ing weather# then too%o= The) made it The *ilot re*orted $) radio to a listening grou* e&actl) what the to* of Mount Everest loo%ed li%e when seen from a$ove and then he descri$ed e&actl) how ;imm) Ro$$ons loo%ed as his *arachute got smaller and smaller Then another $li11ard $ro%e and the *lane $arel) made it $ac% to $ase and it wasanother two wee%s $efore the weather was $eara$le again And all that time ;imm) was on the roof of the world $) himself and I hated m)self for a murderer The *lane went $ac% u* two wee%s later to see if the) could s*ot his $od) I donMt%now what good it would have done if the) had# $ut thatMs the human race for )ou How man) dead in the last war@ !ho can count that high@ 'ut mone) or an)thing else is no o$0ect to the saving of one life# or even the recovering of one $od) The) didnMt +nd his $od)# $ut the) did +nd a smo%e signal: curling u* in the thin air and whi**ing awa) in the gusts The) let down a gra**le and ;imm) came u*# stillin his s*acesuit# loo%ing li%e hell# $ut de+nitel) alive The *s to the stor) involves m) visit to the hos*ital last wee% to see him He was recovering ver) slowl) The doctors said shoc%# the) said e&haustion# $ut ;imm)Mse)es said a lot more I said# >How a$out it# ;imm)# )ou havenMt tal%ed to the re*orters# )ou havenMt tal%ed to the government All right How a$out tal%ing to me@A >IMve got nothing to sa)#A he whis*ered >Sure )ou have#A I said >You lived on to*of Mount Everest during a two/wee% $li11ard You didnMt do that $) )ourself# not with all the su**lies we dum*ed along with )ou !ho hel*ed )ou# ;imm) $o)@A I guess he %new there was no use tr)ing to $lu= Or ma)$e he was an&ious to getit o= his mind He said# >The)Mre intelligent# $oss The) com*ressed air for me The) set u* a little *ower *ac% to %ee* me warm The) set u* the smo%e signal when the) s*otted the air*lane coming $ac%A >I seeA I didnMt want to rush him >ItMs li%e we thought The)Mve ada*ted to Everest life The) canMt come down the slo*esA >5o# the) canMt And we canMt go u* the slo*es Even if the weather didnMt sto* us# the) wouldCA >The) sound li%e %indl) creatures# so wh) should the) o$0ect@ The) hel*ed you./ >The) have nothing against us The) s*o%e to me# )ou %now Tele*ath)A I frowned >!ell# thenA >'ut the) donMt intend to $e interfered with The)Mre watching us# $oss The)Mve got to !eMve got atomic *ower !eMre a$out to have roc%et shi*s The)Mre worried a$out us And Everest is the onl) *lace the) can watch us fromCA I frowned dee*er He was sweating and his hands were sha%ing I said# >Eas)# $o) Ta%e it eas) !hat on Earth are these creatures@A And he said# >!hat do )ou su**ose would $e so ada*ted to thin air and su$1ero cold that Everest would $e the onl) liva$le *lace on earth to them ThatMs the whole *oint The)Mre nothing at all on Earth The)Mre MartiansA And thatMs it GGGGGAnd now let me e&*lain the reason I freThe) ha"e, thatMs all#A insisted ;ohannison >The) all went dead at a$out two oMcloc% ThatMs over an hour ago now and none of them is $ac% in order Even 3eorge 4u%e canMt do an)thing a$out it IMm telling )ou# it isnMt the countersA >YouMre sa)ing it isA>IMm sa)ing the)Mre not wor%ing 'ut thatMs not their fault ThereMs nothing for them to wor% onA >!hat do )ou mean@A>I mean there isnMt an) radioactivit) in this *lace In this whole $uilding 5owhereA >I donMt $elieve )ouA>Listen# if a hot co$alt cartridge wonMt start u* a counter# ma)$e thereMs something wrong with ever) counter we tr) 'ut when that same cartridge wonMt discharge a gold/leaf electrosco*e and when it wonMt even fog a *hotogra*hic +lm# then thereMs something wrong with the cartridgeA >All right#A said Everard# >so itMs a dud Some$od) made a mista%e and never +lled itA >The same cartridge was wor%ing this morning# $ut never mind that Ma)$e cartridges can get switched somehow 'ut I got that hun% of *itch$lende from our dis*la) $o& on the fourth Boor and that doesnMt register either YouMre not going to tellme that someone forgot to *ut the uranium in itA Everard ru$$ed his ear >!hat do )ou thin%# 4amelli@A 4amelli shoo% his head >I donMt %now# $oss !ish I didA ;ohannison said# >ItMs not the time for thin%ing ItMs a time for doing YouMve got to call !ashingtonA >!hat a$out@A as%ed Everard >A$out the A/$om$ su**l)A>!hat@A >That might $e the answer# $oss Loo%# someone has +gured out a wa) to sto* radioactivit)# all of it It might $e $lan%eting the countr)# the whole (SA If thatMs $eing done# it can onl) $e to *ut our A/$om$s out of commission The) donMt %now where we %ee* them# so the) have to $lan% out the nation And if that:s right# it means an attac% is due An) minute# ma)$e (se the *hone# $ossCA EverardMs hand reached for the *hone His e)es and ;ohannisonMs met and loc%edHe said into the mouth*iece# >An outside call# *leaseA It was +ve minutes to four Everard *ut down the *hone >!as that the commissioner@A as%ed ;ohannison >Yes#A said Everard He was frowning >All right !hat did he sa)@A >MSon#M> said Everard# >he said to me# M!hat A/$om$s@M> ;ohannison loo%ed $ewildered >!hat the devil does he mean# M!hat A/$om$s@M I %nowC The)Mve alread) found out the)Mve got duds on their hands# and the) wonMt tal% 5ot even to us 5ow what@A >5ow nothing#A said Everard He sat $ac% in his chair and glowered at the *h)sicist > Ale I %now the %ind of strain )ouMre under: so IMm not going to $low u* a$out this !hat $others me is# how did )ou get me started on this nonsense@A ;ohannison *aled >This isnMt nonsense 4id the commissioner sa) it was@A >He said I was a fool# and so I am !hat the devil do )ou mean coming here with )our stories a$out A/$om$s@ !hat are A/$om$s@ I never heard of themA >You never heard of atom $om$s@ !hat is this@ A gag@A >I never heard of them It sounds li%e something from a comic stri*A ;ohannison turned to 4amelli# whose olive com*le&ion had seemed to dee*en with worr) >Tell him# 3eneA 4amelli shoo% his head >Leave me out of thisA >All rightA ;ohannison leaned forward# loo%ing at the line of $oo%s in the shelves a$out EverardMs head >I donMt %now what this is all a$out# $ut I can go along with it !hereMs 3lasstone@A >Right there#A said Everard >5o 5ot the &e8tbook o1 Physical Chemistry. I want his Sourcebook on #tomic ;nergy./ >5ever heard of itA >!hat are )ou tal%ing a$out@ ItMs $een here in )our shelf since IMve $een hereA >5ever heard of it#A said Everard stu$$ornl) >I su**ose )ou havenMt heard of ?amenMs *adioacti"e &racers in Biology either@A >5oA ;ohannison shouted# >All right LetMs use 3lasstoneMs &e8tbook then It will doA He $rought down the thic% $oo% and Bi**ed the *ages 2irst once# then a second time He frowned and loo%ed at the co*)right *age It saidF Third Edition# ,-6. He went through the +rst two cha*ters *age $) *age It was there# atomic structure# I su**ose )ou never heard of uraniumA >!hatMs that@A as%ed Everard coldl) > A trade name@A 4es*eratel)# ;ohannison dro**ed 3lasstone and reached for the 3andbook o1 Chemistry and Physics. He used the inde& He loo%ed u* radioactive series# uranium# *lutonium# isoto*es He found onl) the last !ith fum$ling# 0itter) +ngers he turned to the ta$le of isoto*es ;ust a glance Onl) the sta$le isoto*es were listed He said *leadingl)# >All right I give u* EnoughMs enough YouMve set u* a $unch of fa%e $oo%s 0ust to get a rise out of me# havenMt )ou@A He tried to smile Everard sti=ened >4onMt $e a fool# ;ohannison YouMd $etter go home See a doctorA >ThereMs nothing wrong with meA >You ma) not thin% so# $ut there is You need a vacation# so ta%e one 4amelli# dome a favor 3et him into a ca$ and see that he gets homeA ;ohannison stood irresolute Suddenl) he screamed# >Then what are all the counters in this *lace for@ !hat do the) do@A >I donMt %now what )ou mean $) counters If )ou mean com*uters# the)Mre here to solve our *ro$lems for usA ;ohannison *ointed to a *laAll right# then See those initials AC EC 8C AtomicC Energ)C 8ommissionCA He s*aced the words# staccato Everard *ointed in turn > AirC E&*erimentalC 8ommissionC 3et him home# 4amelliA ;ohannison turned to 4amelli when the) reached the sidewal% (rgentl) he whis*ered# >Listen# 3ene# donMt $e a setu* for that gu) EverardMs sold out The) got to him some wa) Imagine them setting u* the fa%ed $oo%s and tr)ing to ma%e me thin% IMm cra1)A >You heard him He never heard of A/$om$s (raniumMs a trade name How can he $e all right@A >If it comes to that# I never heard of A/$om$s or uraniumA He lifted a +nger >Ta&iCA It whi11ed $) ;ohannison got rid of the gagging sensation >3eneC You were there when the counters If )ou want the straight truth# Ale )ou said )ou had something to discuss with the $oss and )ou as%ed me to come along# and thatMs all I %now a$out it 5othing went wrong as far as I %now# and what the devil would we $e doing with this *itch$lende@ !e donMt use an) tar in the *lace /Ta&iCA A ca$ drew u* to the cur$ 4amelli o*ened the door# motioned ;ohannison in ;ohannison entered# then# withred/e)ed fur)# fumed# snatched the door out of 4amelliMs hand# slammed it closed# and shouted an address at the ca$ driver He leaned out the window as the ca$ *ulled awa)# leaving 4amelli stranded and staring ;ohannison cried# >Tell Everard it wonMt wor% IMm wise to all of )ouA He fell $ac% into the u*holster)# e&hausted He was sure 4amelli had heard the address he gave !ould the) get to the 2'I +rst with some stor) a$out a nervous $rea%down@ !ould the) ta%e EverardMs word against his@ The) couldnMt den) the sto**ing of the radioactivit) The) couldnMt den) the fa%ed $oo%s 'ut what was the good of it@ An enem) attac% was on its wa) and men li%e Everard and 4amelli/How rotten with treason was the countr)@ He sti=ened suddenl) >4riverCA he cried Then louder# 5o# Ale )ou donMt understand !eMve $een tal%ing He sa)s all radioactivit) has $een sto**edA >Yes# it has# and how I wish this collar/ad could tell me how it was doneC Loo% here# )ou# are )ou an American@A >You still donMt understand# AleA said his wife >ItMs sto**ed all over the world This man isnMt from an)where on Earth 4onMt loo% at me li%e that# Ale& ItMs true I %now itMs true Loo% at himA The visitor smiled It was a *erfect smile He said# >This $od) in which I a**ear is carefull) $uilt u* according to s*eci+cation# $ut it is onl) matter ItMs under com*lete controlA He held out a hand and the s%in vanished The muscles# the straight tendons# and croo%ed veins were e&*osed The walls of the veins disa**eared and $lood Bowed smoothl) without the necessit) of containment All dissolved to the a**earance of smooth gra) $one That went also Then all rea**eared ;ohannison muttered# >H)*notismCA>5ot at all#A said the visitor# calml) ;ohannison said# >!here are )ou from@A The visitor said# >ThatMs hard to e&*lain 4oes it matter@A >IMve got to understand whatMs going on#A cried ;ohannison >8anMt )ou see that@A >Yes# I can ItMs wh) IMm here At this moment I am s*ea%ing to a hundred and more of )our *eo*le all over )our *lanet In di=erent $odies# of course# since di=erentsegments of )our *eo*le have di=erent *references and standards as far as $odil) a**earance is concernedCA 2leetingl)# ;ohannison wondered if he was mad after all He said# > Are )ou from/from Mars@ An) *lace li%e that@ Are )ou ta%ing over@ Is this war@A >You see#A said the visitor# >that sort of attitude is what weMre tr)ing to correct Your *eo*le are sic%# 4r ;ohannison# ver) sic% 2or tens of thousands of )our )ears wehave %nown that )our *articular s*ecies has great *ossi$ilities It has $een a great disa**ointment to us that )our develo*ment has ta%en a *athological *athwa) 4e+nitel) *athologicalA He shoo% his head Mercedes interru*ted# >He told me $efore )ou came that he was tr)ing to cure usA >!ho as%ed him@A muttered ;ohannison The visitor onl) smiled He said# >I was assigned the 0o$ a long time ago# $ut such illnesses are alwa)s hard to treat 2or one thing# there is the diHcult) in communicationA >!eMre communicating#A said ;ohannison stu$$ornl) >Yes In a manner of s*ea%ing# we are IMm using )our conce*ts# )our code s)stem ItMs You have no *ro*er conce*t IMm not from an)where in the )ardA >!hat )ard@A>In the universe# I mean IMm from outside the universeA Mercedes interru*ted again# leaning forward > Ale donMt )ou see what he means@ Su**ose )ou landed on the 5ew 3uinea coast and tal%ed to some natives through television somehow I mean to natives who had never seen or heard of an)one outside their tri$e 8ould )ou e&*lain how television wor%ed or how it made it*ossi$le for )ou to s*ea% to man) men in man) *laces at once@ 8ould )ou e&*lain that the image wasnMt )ou )ourself $ut merel) an illusion that )ou could ma%e disa**ear and rea**ear@ You couldnMt even e&*lain where )ou came from if all the universe the) %new was their own islandA >!ell# then# weMre savages to him Is that it@A demanded ;ohannison The visitor said# >Your wife is $eing meta*horical Let me +nish I can no longer tr) to encourage )our societ) to cure itself The disease has *rogressed too far I am going to have to alter the tem*eramental ma%eu* of the raceA >How@A >There are neither words nor conce*ts to e&*lain that either You must see that our control of *h)sical matter is e&tensive It was I have#A said ;ohannison >How a$out )ou# Merc)@A>I remem$er# too#A said Mercedes >You two are omitted for a reason#A said the visitor# MMas are over a hundred others# men and women# all over the worldA >5o radioactivit)#A muttered ;ohannison >2orever@A >2or +ve of )our )ears#A said the visitor >It is a *ause# nothing more Merel) a *ause# or call it a *eriod of anesthesia# so that I can o*erate on the s*ecies without the interim danger of atomic war In +ve )ears the *henomenon of radioactivit) will return# together with all the uranium and thorium that currentl) do not e&ist The %nowledge will not return# however That is where )ou will come in You and the others li%e )ou You will re/educate the world graduall)A >ThatMs The o*eration#A said the visitor# >will $e a serious one It will ta%e an)where u* to a decade to ma%e certain there are no com*lications So we want re/education slowl)# on *ur*oseA ;ohannison said# >How do we %now when the time comes@ I mean when the o*erationMs overA The visitor smiled >!hen the time comes# )ou will %now 'e assured of thatA >!ell# itMs a hell of a thing# waiting +ve )ears for a gong to ring in )our head !hat if it never comes@ !hat if )our o*eration isnMt successful@A The visitor said seriousl)# >Let us ho*e that it isA>'ut if it isnMt@ 8anMt )ou clear our minds tem*oraril)# too@ 8anMt )ou let us live normall) till itMs time@A >5o IMm sorr) I need )our minds untouched If the o*eration is a failure# if the cure does not wor% out# I will need a small reservoir of normal# untouched minds out of which to $ring a$out the growth of a new *o*ulation on this *lanet on whom a newvariet) of cure ma) $e attem*ted At all costs# )our s*ecies must $e *reserved It is valua$le to us It is wh) I am s*ending so much time tr)ing to e&*lain the situation to )ou If I had left )ou as )ou were an hour ago# +ve da)s# let alone +ve )ears# would have com*letel) ruined )ouA And without another word he disa**eared Mercedes went through the motions of *re*aring su**er and the) sat at the ta$le almost as though it had $een an) other da) ;ohannison said# >Is it true@ Is it all real@A >I saw it# too#A said Mercedes >I heard itA >I went through m) own $oo%s The)Mre all changed !hen this/*ause is over# weMll $e wor%ing strictl) from memor)# all of us who are left !eMll have to $uild instruments again It will ta%e a long time to get it across to those who wonMt remem$erA Suddenl) he was angr)# >And what for# I want to %now !hat for@A >AleA Mercedes $egan timidl)# >he ma) have $een on Earth $efore and s*o%en to *eo*le HeMs lived for thousands and thousands of )ears 4o )ou su**ose heMs what weMve $een thin%ing of for so long as/as/MM ;ohannison loo%ed at her >As 3od@ Is that what )ouMre tr)ing to sa)@ How should I%now@ All I %now is that his *eo*le# whatever the) are# are in+nitel) more advanced than we# and that heMs curing us of a diseaseA Mercedes said# >Then I thin% of him as a doctor or whatMs eA doctor@ All he %e*t sa)ing was that the diHcult) of communication was the $ig*ro$lem !hat %ind of a doctor canMt communicate with his *atients@ A vetC An animal doctorCA He *ushed his *late awa) His wife said# >Even so If he $rings an end to war/A>!h) should he want to@ !hat are we to him@ !eMre animals !e are animals to him Literall) He as much as said so !hen I as%ed him where he was from# he said he didnMt come from the M)ardM at all 3et it@ The barnyard. Then he changed it to the MuniverseM He didnMt come from the MuniverseM at all His diHcult)