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PI_PROGINDEX/SPECIAL_SECTION/PAGES [T02] | 02/23/10 13:25 | SUPERIMPPB

BY LEANNE ITALIE

ASSOCIATED PRESS WRITER

MickiSievwrighthas a newset ofwheels that

her husband constantlyrefers to as “my truck.” Thesame goes for their apart-ment and the backyard grill.

Turns out the pronounsthe Denver couple use countfor more than mere seman-tics in the long haul. A newstudy suggests that “we” lan-guage used between spousesin times of conflict goesalong with less negativebehavior and signs of stressin lengthy marriages.

Previous studies haveindicated that use of inclu-sive pronouns that include“we,” “our” and “us” — ver-sus “I,” “me” and “you” —are evidence of marital sat-isfaction in younger coupleslike Sievwright and hubbyDane, both of whom are 27.The latest work, in the Sep-tember issue of the journal“Psychology and Aging,”carries the link forward tomore established pairs whenconflict bubbles, and reportsevidence of more relaxedheart rates and blood pres-sure among those with thehighest “we-ness” quotients.

“We found more ‘we’ lan-guage in older couples andin happier couples,” saidRobert Levenson, the study’ssenior researcher at the Uni-versity of California, Berke-ley.

Levenson said “we” wordsover “I” words are “part ofthis invisible language thatcan tell scientists what’sgoing on inside a marriage.”It’s a world so intimate andfull of potential peril thathonesty is sometimes sacri-ficed for saving face. Study-ing the tiny parts of speech

is a valuable windowbecause such words areoften left uncensored in amarriage, though moreresearch is necessary todetermine whether maritalbliss leads to “we” or theother way around, he said.

“It’s something thatthey’re not thinking aboutconsciously and are proba-bly not much aware of. It’sjust a little chip of behaviorthat we can count,” Leven-son said.

Each of 154 middle ageand older couples in thestudy spent 15 minutes dis-cussing a point of disagree-ment while hooked to heartrate and blood pressuremonitors in Levenson’s labo-ratory. The researchers laterwatched videotapes of theinteractions with attentionto emotional behavior andthe pronouns used, overlaidagainst the readings on

physical stress. The middleage couples were married atleast 15 years and those inthe older group at least 35years.

“When the ‘we’ languagewas predominant, those 15minutes were emotionallypositive and physiologicallycalm, and those were alsothe couples who were mostsatisfied with their marriag-es,” Levenson said. Maritalsatisfaction was based onwritten questionnaires thecouples filled out.

The ‘me’ pronouns weremore closely associated than“we” language with negativefacial expressions, tones ofvoice, body posture and ges-tures, the researchers said.

“It’s kind of like there’s no‘I’ in team. There were lotsof hints about this,” Leven-son said. “This might be oneway to strengthen the part-nership.”

The idea of giving upsome “me” in favor of “we”in marriage has implica-tions that reach milesbeyond parts of speech andmay also hinge on massivegenerational shifts, saidpsychology professorDoreen Arcus, who delvesinto family issues at theUniversity of Massachu-setts Lowell.

Arcus, 57, said personalpronouns in relation to iden-tity were the least of herworries when she and Dangot hitched 28 years ago.

“We were fanatical aboutequality,” she said. She kepther name and insisted onshared wedding bands overan engagement ring, forinstance.

There were other rules:They took turns sleeping onthe side of the bed closer tothe windows and the breeze,cooking dinner, sitting at the

side of the table with the bet-ter view, balancing thecheckbook.

“The list was quite exten-sive. Twenty-eight yearslater, we have settled intoour own grooves andtogether they work for us. Inever did care if the check-book balanced to the penny.I’m a better cook than heis,” Arcus said.

A practical test of thepower of pronouns, shesaid, would be to instructpeople “feeling deeper con-flict to use more ‘we,’ and ifyou change the way theyspeak, does it alleviate theconflict? Language thatdoes not reflect behavioralrealities won’t fool anyonefor long.”

For the Sievwrights, thetransition from “me” to“we” is a work in progressas they look ahead to hav-ing kids and growing oldtogether. Micki Sievwrightwants her husband to stopcalling the truck or apart-ment “his.”

“It’s likely a guy’s thing,but I’m trying to have himsee these items as sharedproperty because I usethem and own them just asmuch as he does,” saidSievwright, who marriedher college sweetheart ayear and a half ago.

Dane is still struggling.“I still have a tough time

saying ‘we’ versus ‘me’ inmany realms of our rela-

tionship. It was ‘me’ for 26years of my life,” he said.“I wouldn’t have evennoticed unless she told methe way I described thesethings bothered her. I thinkas time passes and with herreminding me enough, I’lleventually say ‘ours’ asopposed to ‘mine’ when itcomes to the things we haveor the time we share.”

The Berkeley research-ers focused on first-timemarriages like Arcus’ andthe Sievwrights, but somewho have been down theaisle more than once havelearned a thing or two oftheir own about the powerof pronouns.

Janet Wood, 51, of SanJose, Calif., was marriedeight years the first time, 10years the second and hasbeen in a committed rela-tionship for the last sixyears.

“I remember in the lastmarriage, the heady daysearly on in our relation-ship when we were allromantic and everythingwas ‘we’ did this and ‘we’did that,” she said. “Thenone day it changed to whatare ‘your’ plans for the day,the weekend. That’s thetime to start paying atten-tion. I make a consciouseffort to pay attention tothis now and my relation-ship is happier for it. It’s asmall thing but I believeit’s important.”

Study suggests ‘we’ words strengthen marriages

AP PHOTO/DAVID ZALUBOWSKI

In this photograph taken on Feb. 4, Micki Sievwright, right, hugs her husband, Dane, asthey head out for the evening in the west Denver suburb of Lakewood, Colo.

T2 Wednesday, February 24, 2010 The Progress-Index, Petersburg, VA


Having doubts? Step away from the altarBY JUDY HEVRDEJS

CHICAGO TRIBUNE

(MCT) Carl Weisman is not apsychologist, family therapist, orany of the other “ists” who workwith the marriage-challenged.

He is curious, though, about nev-er-marrieds and itching-to-end-marrieds ever since he had lunchwith a divorced friend who said shehad married the “wrong guy,” andknew it before she married him,ignoring the warning of her “innervoice.”

The “ignoring the inner voice”thing worried the 51-year-old Cal-ifornian so much that he posteda question, “Did you know yourmarriage would end in divorcebefore you married?” online atseveral free classified ad sites

two years ago.More than 1,000 people (79 per-

cent women, 21 percent men)answered that query as well as alitany of questions that included:

“Do you think it was a mistaketo marry your partner?” (78 per-cent of women answered “yes,” 79percent of men, ditto.)

“Prior to your marriage, howcertain were you that it would endin divorce? (48 percent of womensaid “somewhat certain,” 42 per-cent of men, ditto.)

Fascinated, Weisman wrote abook, “Serious Doubts: Why PeopleMarry When They Know It Won’tLast” (BookSurge, 2009).

“I just wanted to share theresults with people,” says Weis-man, a systems engineer with a

master’s degree in science and anMBA/marketing major who haswritten two software books as wellas “So Why Have You Never BeenMarried?”

“If you need help, please go finda pro,” he says. “I’m not the guy.”

On the other hand, a recent con-versation with Weisman certainlyadded some perspective to the top-ic.

Q: Any big surprises?A: I was shocked at how many

people looked at marriage as a wayto solve a problem. For instance,one of them is, “I’m lonely.” Well,let me tell you, I don’t know any-body who hasn’t been lonely atsome point in their life. I’ve beenlonely, but never once did I thinkthe cure for my loneliness was to

enter a bad marriage.Q: Among the “several reasons

for getting married,” one optionwas, “It seemed like the next logi-cal step.”

A: (People who) make a perfectlygood boyfriend and girlfriend makea horrible husband and wife. In ret-rospect, the next logical step is tojust keep dating, it’s not to get mar-ried.

Q: What about that inner voice?A: What separates people in the

book from a handful of people I callthe “Other Choice” (i.e., who don’tget married) is that (they) realizedthat no matter how painful it is atthis moment to end it, it’s morepainful to not (end it).

Q: And this: “How soon into themarriage did you start to think

about getting divorced?” 53 percentof women and 48 percent of menanswered, “Less than 6 months.”

A: In our society today, it is moreembarrassing to “leave someone atthe altar” than it is to get a divorce.... People are literally going to go toa sham marriage and get divorcedquickly thereafter just because it’sless embarrassing.

There’s no downside to takingyour time in the marital decisionprocess. Marriage isn’t a race.

Incidentally, Weisman marriedhis girlfriend a few months ago. It’shis first marriage. “The right per-son at the wrong time is the wrongperson,” says Weisman, who saidhe told his wife, “’If I met you inmy 20s, there’s no way we’d havebeen together. I wasn’t ready.’”

Discounts in fashion:

BY CAROL LAWRENCE

THE RECORD

(MCT) HACKENSACK,N.J. — Consignment shopsare popping up as femaleentrepreneurs serve bargain-hunting consumers by find-ing a particular niche andworking with, not against,the competition.

In 2009, at least sevenshops opened in just twoNew Jersey counties —Pas-saic and Bergen — and theydistinguish themselves byfocusing on segments — abridal-focused shop, a chil-dren’s store, and a locationwith newer, trendier items.

Consignment shops sellmostly used and sometimesnew clothes, handbags, jew-elry, shoes or accessories that

people have brought to thestore, at a discounted price.Those who bring in items arecalled consigners and receivea percentage of the sale.

“I don’t find it as competi-tion,” said Linda Mariconda,who opened Deja Vu, “A Con-signing Woman’s Boutique,”in Pompton Lakes in June.Her store carries new andused designer items. “We allhelp each other, becausewe’re all unique,” she said.“Maybe they don’t carrysomething I do.”

Michele Forrest openedCherished Bridals in Wayne,N.J., with husband Ned aftershe was laid off a third timefrom a sales job in the cosmet-

New book examnes why people get married, when they know it won’t last

Consignment shopsflourish in weak economy

LESLIE BARBARO/THE RECORD/MCT

Michele Forrest, pictured January 22, in Wayne, N.J.,opened Cherished Bridals, a consignment shop that sellsbridal dresses, shoes and jewelry as well as bridesmaidand mother of the bride dresses. In her display window isan Oleg Cassini gown, which originally retailed for $750,and is on sale at her shop for $375.Please see FASHION, Page 5

The Progress-Index, Petersburg, VA Wednesday, February 24, 2010 T3


A wedding cake’s appearanceBY LISA ABRAHAM

AKRON BEACON JOURNAL

(MCT) This is the time ofyear when couples who gotengaged over the holidays (orwho may be getting engagedon Valentine’s Day) will startto think about all of thedetails that make a wedding awedding.

Flowers, cake, dresses,cake, honeymoon, cake.

OK, you already know I’mfood-obsessed, but weddingcakes are a particular pas-sion.

They have come a long waysince those 1970s and ‘80s cre-ations of plastic staircasesand fountains spewing waterdyed to match the brides-maids’ dresses. (Now pleasedon’t take offense if I havejust described your weddingcake. I realize you were theheight of fashion at the time,and I’m sure it coordinatedfabulously with that frostyblue eye shadow the brides-maids were wearing.)

The current design trend isfor high-end simplicity.

Today’s wedding cake islikely to be a stack of three tofive layers, covered in smoothfondant with simple embel-lishments of ribbons, dots orscroll work. If there are flow-ers, they are likely to be gumpaste creations that have thelook of sculpted porcelain,sitting on the top of the cakewhere the bride and groomused to be.

Aside from being the fea-tured dessert at most recep-tions, the cake is a majorplayer when it comes to set-ting the tone and style of awedding.

Rick Reeves, whose familyhas been baking weddingcakes in Akron, Ohio, said healready knows what most

couples will want _ tradition-al stacked layers.

“That’s the fashion rightnow. Stacked, with ribbon orsimple scroll work, which isvery, very popular,” he said.

Reeves remembers thosecakes of the past when thelayers were separated andconnected with bridges, arch-es and stairways. One cakemay have been composed ofnine or 10 layers. Now, threeto five layers, all stacked ontop of each other, are the onlystyle that brides want.

Design work is more deli-cate, and intricate patternswill cover the sides of thecake, as opposed to roses andswags of icing. During peakwedding season, Reeves willproduce about 15 cakes perweekend, only three or fourof which will have the olderstyle icing decorations.

While fondant frosting isall the rage on television cakeshows, brides haven’t yet ful-ly embraced it for several rea-sons, not the least of which iscost.

Fondant adds an averageof $1.50 per serving to thecost of a wedding cake atlocal bakeries.

Fondant is a sugar-pasteconfection that is rolled outinto sheets that cover anentire layer of cake. Theresult is a covering that lookssleek, modern, and sophisti-cated with clean lines andsoft curved edges, said BarbTalevich, owner of Akron’spopular West Side Bakery.

Talevich said about half ofthe wedding cakes she cre-ates are covered in fondant,the other half in traditionalbuttercream.

She said the taste of fon-dant has greatly improved

over the years, but some peo-ple are still wary of it.”Ittastes so much better than itused to. We import ours fromSwitzerland, and yes, it ismore expensive, but it is real-ly good,” she said.

LaVada Holman, whoteaches cake decorating class-es at Grandma’s Kitchen inSpringfield Township, Ohio,and bakes cakes from her

home business, Cakes byLaVada, said the secret to fon-dant is to roll it as thin as pos-sible and to make sure thecake has a generous layer ofbuttercream frosting under-neath.

Because fondant and gumpaste, which is used to sculptflowers or other decorations,are the preferred media onthe popular television shows

“Ace of Cakes” and “CakeBoss,” most couples alreadyhave strong ideas of whatthey want their cakes to looklike.

“That’s what everybody isinto _ fondant cakes withgum paste flowers or any-thing specialty, dimensional,topsy-turvy,” Holman said.

Gum paste flowers can besimple, but in a striking bold

color, Talevich said. Jeweltones _ garnet, purple, ruby _are very popular for flowersnow. But they’ll be used spar-ingly _ three or four dramaticblooms to add a pop of colorto a cake covered in whitefondant. Dramatic bows offondant or lacy sides also arepopular, she said.

If a bride and groom are

Cake’s look sets the tone for the occasion, but flavor matters, too

Please see CAKES, Page 7



Fashion: Entrepreneurs intent on raising bar of consignment industryic industry. Her store, fes-tooned with tulle and flowerylettering, features weddinggowns (sometimes newbecause of wedding cancella-tions) and flower girls’ andbridesmaids’ dresses but alsofashions for the moms.

“A regular consignmentreally can’t do bridal,” saidForrest, because they don’tusually have the space to fitthe voluminous bridal gownsor the high racks needed tohang them. As a result, shegets customers referred fromshops in around the state.

And there’s Declan’s Closet,whichownerCatherineGavin

opened in August in Bogota,N.J., and named after her sonto sell and consign items forinfants and young childrenafter she wasn’t able to findany items locally. Because ofher specialty, Gavin getsweekly referrals from othershops and, in turn, refers cus-tomers to stores when theowners tell her of a moreunusual consignment a shop-per in her store is looking forand can’t find.

The entrepreneurs also areintent on raising the bar ofthe industry by decoratingand marketing their stores tochange customers’ stereo-types, and many have

replaced the traditional word“shop” with “boutique.”

In many stores you’ll findchandeliers hanging from theceilings, items organized bysection and size, and even per-sonal shoppers to help thebuyer assemble outfits. That’sa departure from the past,shop owners say.

“Consignment stores havegotten better,” said Turgel. “Inolder consignment thriftstores, everything is a mess.We have gotten much moreorganized and are now apleasant place for people toshop.”

Randi Morein opened Sav-vy Chic Consignment Bou-

tique in a 3,000-square-footspace in Ridgewood lastMarch. She promotes her-self by holding charityevents and wine-and-cheeseparties, and providingclothes for local charity fash-ion shows.

“Our shop reflects thedemographic; that’s why weget a lot of women whohaven’t consigned before orshopped in a consignmentshop before,” said Morein. “Inthis economy, you can’t justtake it as a given that if I’mhere, they’ll come.”

So why did so many openlast year? It’s the economy,according to the consignment

industry’s trade association.“Anytime the economy

slows down, this industryflourishes,” said Adele Meyer,executive director of the 1,100-member National Associationof Resale & Thrift Shops in St.Clair Shores, Mich. “Oncepeople start shopping resale,they get hooked, so they (theshop owners) retain their cus-tomers.”

Many of the new shop own-ers say that while the sluggisheconomy was a factor, theywanted to own a business andfound that the consignmentstores were a good model.

“You don’t have to pay foryour inventory,” said Karen

Donofrio, who owns Pre-lovedConsignment Boutique inPompton Lakes with herdaughter Allison. “My con-signers bring it in. They’remy celebrities and I’m theiragent.”

And if the clothing doesn’tsell within two months, sheoffers it back to the consignorand doesn’t have to stockinventory.

But what is the bottom lineamid the weak economy andincreased competition? Formost, it’s all good.

“We’ve been making quota-plus,” said Donofrio. “Is theglass half-empty for me orhalf-full? It’s half-full.”

Continued from Page 3



Discussing money before the wedding pays offBY MELISSA KOSSLER DUTTON

FOR THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

When Missy Gillenmet her futurehusband, Mike,she hadn’t givenmuch thought to a

rainy day fund or investing money.But as the Westlake, Ohio, couplegot serious, she started payingattention to their finances, some-thing Mike Gillen encouraged.

“We’re both very aware of ourgoals,” said Missy, who married inJuly, but not before creating a bud-get and starting to save for a house.

Talking about money beforemarriage is essential for weddedbliss, according to financialexperts, since it can eliminate a lotof surprises and arguments. Con-versation can help a couple under-stand each other’s financial stand-ing, spending habits and savingsgoals.

Financial stress is one of the

main causes of divorce, said GailCunningham, spokeswoman forthe National Foundation for CreditCounseling, in Silver Spring, Md.

“People bring financial baggageinto a relationship and often don’tdeal with it until problems arise,”she said.

Many newlyweds do not foreseethat money can be an issue, addedJulie Baumgardner, executivedirector of First Things First,which offers financial educationclasses to couples in Chattanooga,Tenn.

“It’s not a topic that people tendto put a lot of weight on,” she said.“Learning how to manage yourmoney together is a big deal.”

These experts and Denver-basedfinancial counselor Taffy Wagneroffered some tips for addressingfinances before exchanging wed-ding vows:

1. Sit down with your partnerand discuss your finances. Bring

copies of your credit score; paystubs; credit card bills; detailsabout loans, child support pay-ments or debt; and any other rele-vant financial information. Thiswill help both parties develop apicture of their financial responsi-bilities after marriage.

2. Examine one another’s creditscores. If one person’s score isbelow 700, consider keeping yourfinances separate. Work as a cou-ple to help the person with the lowcredit score improve it by payingoff debt and taking care of over-due bills. Do not apply for any jointcredit cards. Instead, put the cardsin the name of the person withgood credit and make the otherperson an authorized user.

3. Decide which of you will be incharge of managing the moneyand paying bills. It’s important todevelop a system so the bills arepaid on time. Make sure the otherpartner has a basic understanding

of the system and is aware of allbank accounts and investments.

4. Develop a budget the two ofyou can live on. Make sure alloca-tions for groceries, clothing, etc.,are reasonable. No more than one-third of your gross income shouldgo toward a mortgage. Don’t spendmore than 25 percent of your grossincome on rent.

5. Set limits on spending. Deter-mine how much money you arecomfortable spending without con-sulting your spouse. For example,agree to discuss any purchase over$100, $500 or $1,000.

6. Find out how your partner han-dles unexpected expenses, anddecide whether you agree with theapproach. After you’re married, youmay decide that turning to momand dad or using a credit card tocover emergencies is unacceptable.

7. Agree to create an emergencyfund. Financial experts recom-mend setting aside enough money

to cover living expenses for threeto six months. Start by settingaside 10 percent of your paycheck.

8. Develop a policy about lendingmoney. Decide whether you wouldbe willing to give a loan to a friendor relative. If you’re comfortabledoing that, discuss whether youwould charge interest and howmuch you could afford to lend.Always put the details of a loan inwriting.

9. Discuss whether one of youwill stay home after the birth of achild. If that is a goal, start plan-ning how you could live on oneincome.

10. Share details about the wayyour parents ran their household.Did they employ a housekeeper,landscaper or other help that youwould expect in your household?Was charitable giving or religioustithing an important part of yourupbringing and what are your atti-tudes toward it?



sitting on top of the cake,chances are it is a vintagecouple that sat on the cake ofthe couple’s parents orgrandparents, Talevich said.Most cake toppers are flowerclusters or monograms.

Holman said she some-times gets a request from acouple for a bride and groommade from gum paste to looklike the actual bridal couple.

“They get funky, they real-ly do. There are a lot of bold-er colors. They like to havetheir personality in there, soyou can see something ofthem in it,” she said.

Reeves said he has done acake to look like a sand castlebecause the groom proposedto the bride with a sand cas-tle on the beach and the cou-ple wanted to re-create it fortheir wedding.

At the end of the day, Tal-evich said most brides stillfavor a traditional whitefrosted cake. Bold colors aresaved for the decorations.They’ll look at cakes cov-ered in boldly colored fon-dant and marvel, but ordersomething more tradition-al. “They’ll say, oh my gosh,that’s so beautiful, but . . .”she said.


Cakes: Most bridesstill favor traditionalwhite frosting

BY AMY LORENTZENFOR THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Jennifer Cocchiara wants guests at her wed-ding next November to understand how she andher fiance fell in love, so she plans to present aslideshow with photos of them growing up andgrowing together as a couple. It also will includeshots of the people who are important to thecouple — the people who will be viewing the pho-tos.

Slideshows have become common at wed-dings. Experts say they must be done properly tosucceed, but are generally a fun and simple wayto personalize the day and help guests get toknow the couple better.

A slideshow can be included in any part of thewedding weekend — rehearsal dinner, cocktailhour,post-weddingbrunchorreception,shesaid.If a couple is uncomfortable stopping the festivi-ties to show the slideshow, it can be played in the

background, on a loop, for guests to view at theirleisure. Some couples run a slideshow on digitalphoto frames near the guest book or even in therestroom area.

Anja Winikka, editor of TheKnot.com, a wed-ding planning Web site, cautions that slideshowsshould be “crafted in a meaningful manner.”They should be organized chronologically or bytheme, and should feature photos that don’tembarrassanyoneandareappropriateforguestsyoung and old.

To save money, photo slideshows can be creat-ed through various Web sites, for free or a smallfee, and on common computer software such asMicrosoft PowerPoint. You can rent a projectoror audio visual equipment to show it. “It’s a neatway to watch somebody grow up right in front ofyour eyes, and that’s the big appeal for it,” saidPhoenix videographer and disc jockey CameronCarpenter. “For out-of-town relatives ... it kind offills in those gaps.”

Adding a slideshowHer specialday— andtheirs tooBY DIANA MARSZALEKFOR THE ASSOCIATED

PRESS

As a babysitterand churchschool teach-er, LilianaGalicia had

no qualms about havingchildren attend her Sep-tember wedding.

In fact, Galicia, a 23-year-old from NewRochelle, N.Y., embracedthe idea, incorporatingabout 40 young guests,mostly relatives, in the fes-tivities. Kids — whoranged from 2 weeks oldto 15 — got pizza, crayonsand crafts, and many ofthem got a spot in the wed-ding party to boot.

“I told German (herhusband) that it’s going tobe a little chaotic but it’sworth it,” Galicia said,adding that she was notconcerned about the kids’behavior “as long as theydidn’t destroy anythingthat was not mine.”

Getting married was achance for “a familymoment,” she said. “I

Please see KIDS, Page 8

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Kids: Some couples think outside the traditional boxreally think that my familydeserved to be there and that Ideserved to have my family.”

Although modern brides aresometimes caricatured as selfish“bridezillas,” there are many whobelieve that weddings are aboutcelebrating family and communityrather than simply being the belleof the ball.

It’s an idea that is both tradition-al and, in some cases, trendy. ForGalicia, who moved here fromGuatemala, giving extended familya voice in the wedding has roots inher home country and culture.Other couples come to the sameconclusion for personal, asopposed to traditional, reasons.They might hope to turn the focusof the day toward a cause or chari-ty, or reach out to relatives, evenincluding them on the honeymoon.

“There are so many ways forbrides to involve their families orcommunities in their wedding

day,” said Karry Castillo, a CentralFlorida wedding planner. “We real-ly encourage our clients to thinkoutside the traditional weddingbox.”

One couple with whom Castilloworked invited guests to go withthem on a post-wedding Caribbeancruise. Another client, an avid run-ner, invited friends to take part in acharity run leading up to her wed-ding day.

The stress of planning a wed-ding can easily bring out prima-donna behavior, Castillo said; shar-ing or doling out responsibilitiesto friends and family can help,emotionally and also financially.

One Mexican-American com-munity in Los Angeles, for exam-ple, keeps alive a longstandingMexican tradition by pitching into cover wedding costs.

Acting as “padrino” or “madri-na” — Spanish for godfather andgodmother, or sponsor — family orfriends take on a range of respon-

sibilities, providing and paying forparts of the festivities includingfood, photos and the couple’s cloth-ing, said Araceli Ulloa, 19, of LosAngeles, whose family often helpscouples in such ways.

The custom, which also appliesto other big events, can take differ-ent forms depending on the peopleinvolved, Ulloa said. In one case, a

bride or groom’s family may askclose friends or relatives for help.In another, people offer first.

Either way, the idea is that com-munities pool resources to help outwhen friends or family need itmost. Being asked to be a sponsoris considered an honor.

“It’s with people that you feelclose to and comfortable,” Ulloasaid.

“It makes me feel special. I knowI will be able to count on them, and

they know that I will be there forthem anytime.”

For Tami Mount, of Larchmont,

N.Y., being included in her cousin’sNorth Carolina post-weddingweekend felt special too.

The cousins grew up sharingvacations on the Outer Banks, soMount’s cousin and his brideasked the extended family tostay with them for a weekend atthe beach after their wedding.

Rekindling those family beachvacations — with a new memberto boot — gave special meaningto the wedding for Mount.

“We were honored andthrilled to get called back to ourplayground for a week together,”said Mount, whose husband anddaughter also joined.

“Our parents still got the bestrooms in the house, but at leastthe newlyweds didn’t have tosleep in bunk beds,” she said.“They didn’t care that webrought along our babies — itwas the making of new memo-ries to mix with the old that theywanted.”


“There are so many ways for brides to involve

their families or communities in their wedding

day. We really encourage our clients to think

outside the traditional wedding box.”

— Karry Castillo, a Central Florida wedding planner


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