Turning the Page

Bolton Refuge House

2015

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Who do you know?

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical

violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime. Black, M.C., Basile, K.C., Breiding, M.J., Smith, S.G., Walters, M.L., Merrick, M.T., Chen, J., & Stevens, M. (2011). The National

Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010 Summary Report. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers

for Disease Control and Prevention.

She doesn’t look like an abused woman on the outside there are no visible bruises or

broken bones. Most of the deep damage is done internally. Her physical injuries have

healed and bruises are beginning to fade. She feels it’s all her fault. What can she do about

it? She can’t call anyone, he screens her calls. She can’t leave, he keeps the car keys. She

has no money to call her own. The children, what would they do? How can she possibly

raise a family and pay the bills all on her own? She can’t turn to her family, they don’t talk

anymore. She has no friends, he pushed them all away. She is tired and no longer has the

energy to argue or protect herself. She decides to stay with her abusive partner because

she doesn’t know of any other option. There are too many barriers and she feels as though

she simply has no other choice.

Finally, someone simply asks, “Is everything okay at home?” All it took was that one simple

question and she shares her history of isolation and fears. All of this time, she never knew

that there was an agency out there who could help her; to listen to her and help her find

options and safety planning. Finally, there is hope. This is an all too typical scenario of

thousands of individuals each and every day, who are wanting something different—all they

need is that ONE perfect moment, that ONE person to ask them, “Is everything okay?” It

could make all the difference!

We are here to help, you can help too. Please refer a person you feel is in need to our

services. We serve persons who choose to leave or stay with their intimate partner. We offer

options and support services for all victims, far beyond the emergency sheltering. Your

concern may save a life!

Thank you,

Pat Stein—Executive Director

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It’s OK to Stress By Kylee—Program Coordinator Stress is a normal part of life. It can be positive if it gives us the energy to take action and motivates us

to reach our goals but too much stress can be counterproductive and overwhelming. Many individuals

play multiple roles, which mean they juggle family, home, work, friends, and other responsibilities. Stress

can turn negative when it starts to build and gain momentum and we feel like everything is rolling out of

control. High levels of stress over a long period of time might cause our physical and mental health to

suffer and many areas of our life might be affected such as family, relationships, work, etc. There are

many coping strategies to help reduce stress in the short term and the long term in order for us to

combat stress and deal with unpleasant events:

Physical and Lifestyle Strategies

-Abdominal breathing and relaxation

-Regular exercise

-Time management

-Take an hour and do nothing

-Go to bed and get up at regular times

-Choose a non-toxic environment

-Meditation or Yoga

-Tune in to your body

-Have a cup of herbal tea

-Healthy diet

-Leisure and recreational activities

Cognitive Strategies

-Positive self-talk

-Distract yourself from negative preoccupations

-Develop a task-oriented approach to problems

-Develop acceptance to setbacks

Emotional Strategies

-Experience your emotions

-Decide if they are helpful or painful

-If painful, challenge and change what you are

thinking and do something different

-Develop a good sense of humor and laugh at your

mistakes Social Support Strategies

-Do not cut yourself off from other people

-Talk to someone about your difficulties and your

feelings

-Maintain healthy boundaries

-Seek out companionship of the kind that you

usually enjoy

-Keep in touch with friends

-If you need time for yourself, say so

-Help others when they are stressed

Save the Date:

Bolton Refuge House,

Inc.’s Light the Night

Gala will be held on

November 7th starting at

5pm this year. Tickets

will be on sale soon!

Check our Facebook

Page frequently for the

most up to date

information!

Page 3

Walk A Mile Chippewa Valley 2015 By Tanya—Volunteer Coordinator “Walk a Mile” is an international march to

end sexual violence against women. Walk

A Mile-Chippewa Valley has expanded

that mission and invites everyone to

come and help raise awareness of all

forms of violence in our community. Walk

a Mile will be on Sunday, October 25th.

Early registration is encouraged and early

bird rates apply. On site registration

begins at 11am and the walk starts

promptly at noon. Join Bolton Refuge

House, Bridge to Hope, Family Support

Center, and UWEC’s Women’s and LGBTQ

Resource Center as we form a united

front against violence in the Chippewa

Valley. Check our Facebook or Twitter for

more information.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month By Shelby - Lead Victim Advocate October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month!

Every domestic violence program holds different

activities every year during this month throughout

our country. We work together to help prevent and

stop violence from happening. Every program

emphasizes three themes that include mourning

those who have died because of domestic

violence, celebrating those who have survived, and

connecting those who work to end violence. We

commonly use the Day of Unity and are now also

using Walk-A-Mile to raise awareness here in the

Chippewa Valley. It is important that we constantly

are aware of the extent that domestic violence has

on so many individuals and on our community.

Even though only one month out of the year is

designated for this awareness, we can all

contribute at any time to help someone in need

whether it be volunteering at a domestic violence

shelter or donating money or items from our wish

list. Any help is always appreciated!

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Child Advocacy By Anita—Children’s Advocate In an effort to reach more teens and their families, Bolton Refuge House has started a new

Facebook page- Bolton Refuge House-Children’s Advocacy. This is a new outlet for teens and their

families to support, learn, and discuss all things regarding abuse, dating violence, bullying and healthy

relationships. Our goal is to help strengthen healthy relationships with families and friends by offering a

safe and supportive environment to start conversations and provide resources for more information.

You can help us reach out to them, by liking and sharing the page. Thank you!

We have also been busy helping clients get registered and prepared for the beginning of a new

school year. This includes transportation, school supplies and clothes. The homeless coordinator from

the school district helps us with making sure the children are transported to their schools, and also

provides school supplies to the children throughout the year. The vouchers we get from Goodwill, help

the children be able to start school with appropriate clothing.

As fall approaches, the weather gets colder, and many children here don’t have a coat, and

winter pajamas. Bolton Refuge House refers the families in need to the Warm the Children program

offered through the Leader Telegram. This program provides new winter clothing to children until the

end of December or until the money runs out, as this program is based on the donations they receive.

We also give families any winter clothing and coats we receive, and since we all know that winter is not

over in December, we know that the need is still there.

December brings us to the Holidays. With the help of donations and referring our families to the

program “Christmas is for Children” through Clear Channel Radio, and the wonderful people who

participate in our Adopt-A-Family Program for the Holiday Season, we are able to help children and

adults to have a happy giving season. We also are able to provide a wonderful Holiday party for our

clients and children with the donations and help from Knights of Columbus. Santa even makes an

appearance!

Adopt-A-Family By Zola—Legal Advocate I realize we are not even to Halloween yet,

but Christmas will come like it does every

year on December 25th. I was wondering if

anyone out there would be interested in

adopting a family for Christmas? We would

match you with a family size that is

appropriate for your family or company and

get a wish list to you. You can shop. You can

wrap. Then bring the gifts to our office. The

result is an abundance of Holiday Joy!

If interested, call Zola at 715.834.0628

Food for More Challenge We have an opportunity to stretch our dollars

in support of our food pantry for our shelter

clients, from September 15 through October

27. For every dollar donated to Bolton

Refuge House during that

time period, Feed My

People Food Bank will

match it with a pound of

food, up to 5,000 pounds!

Between September 15 –

October 27 please make

your donation check out

to Bolton Refuge House and in the memo

line write “Food Match Campaign” in order

for Bolton Refuge House to receive the

match in food.

Thank you for your support!

Page 5

Farewell By Dena Quinn I started working for Bolton Refuge House in January of 2006 which seems like a lifetime ago now.

When I was hired, I thought I knew it all. How hard could it be, right? Turns out, I didn’t know anything

about what I was doing and I certainly did not expect for this work to be as challenging as it was. It was

really hard sometimes to listen to clients share their stories of how someone had hurt them - regardless if

it was physically, sexually, or emotionally - it was all so gut-wrenching. I can remember going home every

night and feeling restless with worry and fear. I wanted to help everyone. I wanted to put them all in a big

bubble and protect them so nobody could ever hurt them again. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do that. I had to

learn to deal with the realities and frustrations of this job. I had to learn to set boundaries and to accept

that there was only so much I could do. I really struggled with this, but eventually I started to see another

side to the job. I began to develop some amazing relationships with some pretty incredible people. People

would call or email me, asking how they can help or where they could drop off a donation. In October of

every year, I would be bombarded with phone calls and emails from people who wanted to adopt a family

for Christmas. My office would look like Santa’s workshop and I was the lucky one who got to deliver

those gifts and see how happy each parent was to have those gifts for their children to open on Christmas

morning. Whether it was Thanksgiving meals, school supplies, clothing, gas cards, food, etc. - I have never

had to look very far to be able to give our families what they need. This community has always been so

responsive and supportive and that has been what has inspired me to get through those difficult times.

Knowing that there are good people still out there makes this job a lot easier to do.

Someone asked me what my biggest achievements have been over the years and that was a diffi-

cult question for me to answer. We built an awesome playground, we’ve had some successful fundrais-

ers, sponsored a couple of great presentations/speakers and trainings for our colleagues, community,

and area schools, and we even made national headlines once when a bunch of advocates from all over

Wisconsin complained about a very distasteful joke that was published in the Reader’s Digest. Aside from

all of that - it all comes down to the clients I have worked with. They are the ones who have changed my

life. They are the ones who have made me more grateful for what I have. They are the ones who have

given me strength and hope and encouragement when I thought there was nothing left. You may think

this sounds a bit backwards, but our clients are very strong. It takes a great deal of courage to walk away

from an abusive relationship. It takes a lot of strength to pick up the phone and call somebody that you

don’t even know and tell them that you have been abused. It takes determination and willpower to keep

moving forward. Often times, they have nothing left. They may have no money, no transportation, no em-

ployment and very limited resources. That wouldn’t be an easy situation for anyone to work with - but our

clients do it. They get through each day and can still find a way to crack a smile or maybe even laugh.

They find happiness and appreciation in the small things that many of us take for granted. I can honestly

say that I am a much stronger, more confident person than I was ten years ago and I owe that to the

many individuals I have worked with. I had to become a voice for so many who felt that they didn’t have

one. My clients have been the ones to give me courage, strength and appreciation and I will always be

grateful for that. Always.

Thank you all so much for allowing me to do this job for so long. Thank you to all of my co-workers,

past and present, for sharing your knowledge and expertise with me and thank you to this wonderful com-

munity that I live in for being so supportive. Peggy Hakala will be taking over the Outreach program now

so please do what you can to help her in this transition. She is a very knowledgeable and kind person - I

know she will do great things for BRJCO!

Until we meet again

Dena Quinn

Page 6

Fall Is Here Again By Peggy—JCO Project Coordinator Hello from Jackson County! I realize not everyone is ready for the change to fall, most likely

because it means another winter is fast approaching. It seems we are always challenged in our hearts

and minds to embrace the things that come with each season of our lives, either with open arms or

negative thoughts. A person I spoke to the other day shared with me a concept that I have been thinking

about ever since, he said, “If you set your mind to finding the things that make you smile, no matter how

large or small, you can overcome the negatives you worry about and enjoy the life ahead!”

SO I am going to focus on the things that we have accomplished in the past few months and all we

have in store ahead of us, these are positive thoughts that make us smile.

Our last newsletter came to you in April and since then we have been busy with the usual summer

tasks but have been able to also share some exciting outreach opportunities together. We had a unique

outreach opportunity in June planning a Poker Run, it was a great success and helped us reach many

people who wanted to support our program and make a statement; “It is everyone’s responsibility to stop

domestic and sexual violence in our communities.”

In June we also began work on the Alice Holmstead Memorial Garden in Black River Falls. With the

help of many donations of time and materials this was a great success and will be a beautiful reminder of

Alice and all she did for this area and the people who live here.

The last “highlight” of the past summer that I will mention is a grant we received from the Black

River Falls Area Foundation* which enabled us to put flat screen televisions and DVD players in all of our

TLP units, it may seem a small change but it means so much to the families who stay with us.

So now we are looking ahead, we have just recently said farewell to our Program Coordinator,

Dena Quinn who worked hard for the program for the past 10 years. Dena was such an advocate for

victims/survivors and worked in so many ways to improve the quality of the lives she touched. She will be

greatly missed by us all.

With Dena’s leaving I have stepped into the coordinator position. My name is Peggy Hakala and I

have been with Bolton Refuge House – Jackson County Outreach for the past year as the sexual assault

advocate. I will continue responding to sexual assault calls as well as working with domestic violence

survivors. I moved to the area a year ago from Eau Claire where I volunteered for the Victim Witness

Volunteer Crisis Responder Program for the previous 10 years. This job is an exciting opportunity for me

and I hope to bring my own strengths and personality into the position while I strive to make a difference.

I look forward to continuing to focus on the individuals in the community who may come to us for shelter,

referrals, or just someone who will be here to support.

Within the next few months we are looking forward to finding another part time advocate to take

on some of the support responsibilities and contacts that come with serving our clients. We are also busy

reorganizing our storage areas, making minor repairs around the units, planning outreach and awareness

activities for Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October and distributing our new flyers and contact

information within the county.

So in ending this note to what is going on in Jackson County let me say Thank You for your support

of Bolton Refuge House in Eau Claire, Buffalo and Jackson Counties! And remember to find the things

that make you smile everyday.

*An earlier version and the print version of this article sited LUNDA as the grant source. This revision sites the Black River Falls

Area Foundation as the correct source of the grant.

Page 7

This newsletter is supported in part by Victims of Crime Act Subgrant No.2007-005-22 awarded by the Wisconsin Department of Justice Office of Crime

Victim Services under a grant from the U.S. Department of Justice Office for Victims of Crime and other funders. The opinions, findings, and conclusions or

recommendations expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of the grantor agencies.

Domestic Violence and Animals?

By Jackie—Buffalo County Outreach

Is there a link between animal abuse and domestic violence? YES! For families suffering with domestic

violence or abuse, the use or threat of abuse against companion

animals is often used for leverage by the controlling/violent member of

the family to keep others in line or silent. Pets may suffer unexplained

injuries, health problems, permanent disabilities at the hands of

abusers, or disappear from home.

The violence may be in the form of intimate partner violence,

child abuse (both physical and sexual), or elder abuse. The statistics are

chilling. It is estimated that 88 % of pets living in households with

domestic abuse are either abused or killed.

Of all the people who enter shelters to escape abuse, 57 % have

had a pet killed by their abuser.

Support Domestic Violence Awareness by wearing a button. Animal buttons can be obtained at

your local Vet Clinics in Buffalo County or call Buffalo County Outreach—BRH at 608-685-2424.

Domestic Violence Statistics: About 85% of victimizations by intimate partners are against women and

15% of victimizations are against men. (U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics,

2003)

The costs of intimate partner violence exceed $5.8 billion each year, $4.1

billion of which is for direct medical and mental health care services. (Centers for

Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, 2003)

The direct medical costs associated with violent injuries to older adults are

estimated to add over $5.3 billion to the nation’s annual health

expenditures. (Mouton CP, Rodabough RJ, Rovi SL, Hunt JL, Talamantes MA, Brzyski RG et al. (2004) Prevalence

and 3-year incidence of abuse among postmenopausalwomen. American Journal of Public Health, 94(4),605-612.)

Elders who experienced abuse, even modest abuse, had a 300% higher risk

of death when compared to those who had not been abused. (Dong X, Simon M,

Mendes de Leon C, Fulmer T, Beck T, Hebert L, et al. (2009) Elder self-neglect and .abuse and mortality risk in a

community dwelling population. Journal of the American Medical Association, 302(5),517-526.)

Homicide is a leading cause of traumatic death for pregnant and

postpartum women in the United States, accounting for 31% of maternal

injury deaths (American Journal of Public Health 95(3): 471-477, 2005).

Each year, about 324,000 pregnant women in the US are battered by their

intimate partners . (Maternal and Chi ld Heal th Journal . 4(2) :79 -84, 2000)

(This means experiencing abuse is more common for pregnant women than gestational

diabetes or preeclampsia -- conditions for which pregnant women are routinely

screened.)

Bolton Refuge House Contact Information Bolton Refuge House

P.O. Box 482

Eau Claire, WI 54702

Executive Director - Patricia Stein (715) 834-9578

Email: boltonrefugehouse@yahoo.com

www.boltonrefugehouse.org

BRH-Jackson County Outreach

P.O. Box 481

Black River Falls, WI 54615

(715) 233-2350

Email: brjcoutreach@gmail.com

BRH-Buffalo County Outreach

P.O. Box 6

Alma, WI 54610

(608) 685-2424

buffalocountyoutreach@yahoo.com

24/7 Crisis hotline: 1-855-526-5866

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Do you have comments or

suggestions for our newsletter?

We’d love to hear from you!

Please submit them to Tanya at

volunteerbrh@yahoo.com or send

us a message on Facebook!

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Visit our website at:

www.boltonrefugehouse.org

Or Current Resident

Bolton Refuge House Inc. P.O. Box 482 Eau Claire, WI 54702

POSTAGE PAID

Permit # 2120

Non-Profit Organization

Eau Claire, WI 54703