before it’s all lost · tangling, growing, and smothering life, and they tell us, … exactly. we...

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Before It’s All Lost Scatter my ashes, wish me goodnight, In the dimming, shimmering twilight. Spread me in the blue where the sailboats dock. There I might rest on the cool weathered rock, With salty sea air and lobster boat light. Scatter me high, on silent peaks of white, Amongst stars, spirits of color ignite. And I’ll take off in flight like a windsock. Scatter my ashes. Someday all will be lost in spite. Chemicals in valleys birth a bombsite. Conflict will bring mountains down to bedrock. And with nothing left we sleepwalk, Souls forever trapped in endless hindsight. Scatter my ashes. Nature Vs. New England Part 1

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Page 1: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

Before It’s All Lost  Scatter my ashes, wish me goodnight, In the dimming, shimmering twilight. Spread me in the blue where the sailboats dock.   There I might rest on the cool weathered rock, With salty sea air and lobster boat light. Scatter me high, on silent peaks of white, Amongst stars, spirits of color ignite. And I’ll take off in flight like a windsock. Scatter my ashes. Someday all will be lost in spite. Chemicals in valleys birth a bombsite. Conflict will bring mountains down to bedrock. And with nothing left we sleepwalk, Souls forever trapped in endless hindsight. Scatter my ashes. 

 Nature Vs. New England  Part 1 

Page 2: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

Seeds Scattered, tiny, Grow, bend, stretch, Sketch a landscape slowly. Forests  Part 2 Snow on Halloween Snow storm on Thanksgiving too Green Christmas again  

       

Confidence Confidence is dull. I can never fall for it. 

Instead I fall in.  

Page 3: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

 Something to be Afraid Of (Slam poetry) As children we went for checkups, and were told, There is nothing to be afraid of. They would take our blood pressure, our height and our weight, And would say to us, There is nothing to be afraid of. A lollypop later we forgot. When we got our first flu shot, And saw the needle before it reached our arm, We were told, There is nothing to be afraid of. We grew into our teens, Feared almost nothing, And were still told, There is nothing to be afraid of. Stay away from butts and the beer and the drugs, And there is nothing to be afraid of. 

Page 4: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

All the time a ticking time bomb, Dormant cells lie waiting, Becoming weeds that invade the only place we can’t escape from­ourselves. Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There is little to be afraid of. As clusters of hair cascade to the floor, And they flood us with poisons, Poisons that might kill the lumps, But always risk leaving us with agonizing damage. The “medicine” is nothing to be afraid of. To me that is something to be afraid of.  When we walk without chests, at the tiniest risk, That is something to be afraid of. And those who survive, fully alive, Healthy and well are told Chemo, Just incase, Just to be “safe.” That is something to be afraid of. And it “only” has a ten percent chance of coming back, With chemo. A whole ten percent. One in every ten people. That is something to be afraid of. Trading our nerves, Which never heal, For life, or even months, Which can betray us. To me that is something to be afraid of. For those who are young, And look so terribly old, That is something to be afraid of. 

Page 5: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

For those with bleak prospects, And are given no choice but to try, THAT IS something to be afraid of. When pastel scrubs, rubber gloves, And white face masks, Become “life,” Dealing their own damage, That is something to be afraid of. To die bald in a bundle of tubes, That is something to be afraid of. Don’t let them lie. Their “comfort” is something that I am afraid of.  

     

Page 6: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

       Daisy/Chasing Rolling Grass  Part 1 I picked a daisy and let it die. I wanted to see it for a while longer, Let my gaze linger on its sunny face. I didn’t put it in a cup, Didn’t give it water or sun. Instead I left it on my dresser, Where it withered away and died, From lack of care.  Part 2 I keep trying to find someone, Trying to smother the silence with faith, Like chasing waves of rolling grass. When you try to ride them they pass. Bending, splitting, and arching in every other direction. All you ever end up doing is chasing them away. However, If you stand around long enough There is a chance the wind might shape to your favor. And you will ride them out of the storm. The hardest part is waiting, Trying not to chase the ever changing wind patterns, But pushing them further, And not letting them take their course, Sending out ripples that shake the waves around, Changing their paths, Changing fate, So that they never make contact. Is this what I’ve done? 

Page 7: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

 The Night She Stopped Singing

The beautiful girl Was a beautiful mess

Her eyes had gone cold There was blood on her dress

It once was a dream That she never let die She lived in a world

Consumed by her mind The magic had died

The birds had stopped singing From the cliff she had jumped

And then began clinging She climbed to the top And then began singing To calm the sad demons

Who were bound to the living To soon comprehend

She should have jumped with the chance She strung a thick rope

And left in a trance She flew from the bow

And her corpse did a dance Her singing went hoarse Her voice never found But leaving the world The silence was loud

Page 8: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

The Unsinkable Ship That Could  

“The Unsinkable Ship!”                                                  s a / n k. 

They 

said we 

would have 

a good time 

but now we Are 

sort of worried 

because the crew seems 

worried… but they say nothing is wrong… but I’m not sure. 

  

“T­h­e­ 

Page 9: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

Un ­­­ sink ­­­able­­­ Sh­i­p­!” 

Is sinking. 

*!Screeeeaaams…….* 

Help. Us. Please. The—Timeof—Ourlives— Will be. The End. Of our                   

Distractions Vibrant distractions stand out against smoky walls and sad blue carpets. A stone in my stomach, Tablets or capsules, And I spot a wall of crystal flowers and birds of light, which soar above me. It could be compared to a rabbit hole, Or         Just          A   Sinkhole. Though I might prefer a black hole…….. 

Page 10: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

It’s my head. It’s mine. I want to let it speak. May I? My true self lies on the back of my throat, And the edge of my lips, And wherever else it may reside, Unable to be brought fully to my consciousness.  The Remedies distract me, P u  l    l     m    e     a          w            a              y, Tug of war, But I pull harder. I can break the surface for moments. I brood about my problems, And stack them around me, As Dominos, And each weighs a ton or two, But at least I understand they still surround me.  Tattoos. I don tattoos of lists and numbers# Along with quotations from my “mother”, And silence  …….. Love: my father. My own webs can 

           Dangle                     And 

                               Strangle                                                      Me.  Dead. As if they could handle me. My grief isn’t norm, My mind is a storm. Always a flood watch, Or a tornado warning. Direction is the cause of maps, 

Page 11: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

But maps are suggestions, And often misleading. They tell us how to reach a place, But never which place to reach. I reach for wine, But pull down grapes. I’ve made that mistake far too much, And dealt with too many detours. I’ve driven off the road, And maybe just a few bridges, Always stopping just short of the edge of the Earth, So I dream my way home, And I’m still waiting to get there. 

 Will I Be That Long? (Asked the….)  The worm to the twig asked, “Will I ever grow?” He replied, “Well heck, I really don’t know.” So the twig asked a stick, “Will I get that big?” The stick said, “You may or may not, the snake certainly did.” So the stick asked the snake, “How does one get so long?” The snake said, “You can’t choose, unless I am wrong, Though I once knew a sausage that was twice my height, But he couldn’t choose, if I recall right. I couldn’t swallow him, the fit was too tight.” So the snake asked the log, 

Page 12: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

“How are you long and thick?” The log said, “Common dude, That’s rude. Stop being a dick!” So the log rolled away, Mumbling, “prick.” Later he met the worm, Who then showed him a trick. Then the worm said, “When I’m in the mood, I can extend myself quick.”        Grandma’s House (My Beginning)  Rich morning sunlight Scent of sizzling bacon grease And coffee brewing  Screened porch and sea shells Wooden floors and chipped blue paint Buzz of bees at work  Window cracked open Watching lightning crack the sky Angry wind hugs me  Open field to run Wild strawberries grow scattered Moss carpet like clouds  Forest­like garden Fox gloves and jasmine contrast 

Page 13: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There

Fairies would get lost  Working mother’s wish Her own haven to call home We leave my kingdom  

   

Page 14: Before It’s All Lost · Tangling, growing, and smothering life, And they tell us, … Exactly. We run as rabid dogs ridden with disease, And they tell us, With treatment, There