Assertiveness

Dr. Joan LuttonLeadership Growth Seminar

June 2011

Assertiveness

• Assertiveness means being positive and confident about ourselves—our ideas, opinions and talents—and expressing these in the service of our values.

• It means acting on aspirations and exercising abilities, recognizing that each person is expressive and affirmative in a unique way.

Be Positive

• Assertiveness is the positive form of aggressiveness. When we are assertive, we have the strength to resist negative or hurtful influences. We think for ourselves, ask for what we need and speak up to protect ourselves and others.

• We do not let others define who we are by heeding their judgments.

What is Assertive Behavior?

• How do you define this behavior?• What makes you feel assertive?• How can you learn to be better at assertive

behavior.• Assertiveness is a state of mind as well as a

way to behave.

Assertive Rights

• Standing up for one’s own rights no matter what the circumstance.

• Correcting the situation when one’s rights are being violated.

• Seeking respect and understanding about a circumstance or situation.

• Interacting in a mature manner with toxic or offensive people.

Continued

• Direct—up front—not defensive or manipulative behavior.

• Verbal “I” statements.• Taking the risk of being misunderstood.• Being able to protect one’s rights while

protecting and respecting the rights of others.• Rational thinking and the self-affirmation of

personal worth.

Using “I” StatementsUsing “I” Statements

• “When you yell, I feel attacked.”• Practice: “When you (their behavior), I feel

(your feelings).• Use factual statements without judgments or

labels.• “We set our lunch for noon and now we have

less time to spend because it is 12:15. I love to spend time with you, but I have to be back to work at 1:00.”

Stating Facts Without Judgment

• To a child whom you suspect is not truthful: ”I think I have misunderstood you, if the cake is cut and you were the only one here, how could that have happened? Please explain again.”

• Or: “Your curfew was 11:00PM last night and I watched the late news before you came in, so I know you will agree that you have broken a rule.” (Assertive, but not argumentative or judgmental.)

• “When you are not at your duty station on time, it means that someone else has to cover for you and I know you don’t want to put more work on a colleague.

When we practice assertiveness, we practice self-esteem, citizenship and

valor. Though it may not always seem so to be assertive is to be a blessing in

the world.

Bibliography

• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz• Improving Assertive Behavior at

LIVESTRONG.COM