Assertiveness

Do you have trouble saying "NO", even when you really should?

Do you feel people take advantage of you? 

Do you have trouble controlling your temper?

Assertiveness

It is expressing your opinions, needs and feelings without ignoring or hurting the opinions, needs and feelings of others.

It also means communicating what you really want in a clear fashion, respecting your own rights and beliefs and the rights and beliefs of others.

It is also about standing up for your rights to be treated fairly but in a respectful and constructive way.

It is not about being aggressive or always getting your own way.

Assertiveness is about being responsible for yourself and making your life work for you, instead of being a victim of circumstances.

What do you think it is

You can say 'Yes' when you mean 'Yes' and 'No' when you mean 'No'.

You can communicate clearly to others what you are feeling in a calm way.

You do not let fear of conflict stop you from speaking.

You feel good about yourself.

Asserting yourself means:

If you assert yourself, you behave in a way that demonstrates your confidence and this earns you respect from others in return.

Asserting yourself will stop others from cheating you and you from cheating yourself out of what you deserve.

It will help you view other people from a position of non-judgment.

Being assertive will help you maintain self-respect. It will enhance the likelihood of creating win/win

situations. It will increase the chances of having your needs

understood and met. When you assert yourself you will feel empowered You live with integrity and enjoy sound emotional health.

Why is assertivenes important?

Depression: a sense of feeling helpless with no control over your life.

Resentment: anger at others for taking advantage of you. Frustration: why did I let that happen? Temper: if you can't express anger appropriately it can build up

to temper outbursts. Anxiety: you may avoid certain situations which make you feel

uncomfortable and you may therefore miss out on activities, job opportunities etc.

Relationship difficulties: it can be difficult in relationships when individuals can't tell each other what they want and need or how the other person affects them.

Stress-related problems: stress can have a negative impact on the body and assertiveness can be a good way of managing stress.

Signs you are not assertive

Do you ask for help if you need it? Do you express anger and annoyance appropriately? Do you ask questions when you are confused? Do you volunteer your opinions when you think or feel

differently from others? Do you speak up in class frequently? Are you able to say "no" when you don't want to do

something? Do you speak with a generally confident manner,

communicating caring and strength? Do you look at people when you are talking to them?

Discuss

more confident, relaxed and happy more aware of who you are (including your

strengths and weaknesses). spend less time comparing yourself with others and

feeling "not good enough". make more realistic decisions and choices for

yourself. more successful relationships, by accepting that not

everyone in the world will or can be caring towards you.

can regain control in your life and live it to the fullest.

Advantages to being assertive

What causes people to avoid being assertive

Discussion

Scenariosindicate whether each of the three responses given is aggressive, passive or assertive

Technique 1: Assertive body language ◦ Face the other person, standing or sitting straight.◦ Listen carefully to what they say.◦ Have a pleasant facial expression.◦ Keep your voice calm and pleasant.◦ Make sure that your body language supports what

you are saying (e.g. do not make the mistake of nodding your head when you are trying to say"No"!).

5 Simple Assertiveness techniques

This approach is particularly useful in:• Situations where you feel your rights are being ignored.• Coping with clever, articulate people.• Situations where you may lose self-confidence if you give in.

How to use the broken record technique:◦ Work out beforehand what you want to say and rehearse it.◦ Repeat your reply, using exactly the same words, over and

over again and stick to what you have decided.◦ Keep repeating your point, using a calm and pleasant voice.◦ Don't be put off by clever arguments or by what the other

person says.

Technique 2: 'Broken record' technique

'I' statements help to keep the focus on the problem, rather than accusing or blaming the other person.

They help to express ownership of your thoughts and feelings, rather than attacking the other person.  

Example:◦ Say: 'I feel upset when you interrupt me

because I can't finish what I am saying.‘◦ Instead of: 'You're always interrupting me!'

Technique 3: Using 'I' statements

Many people find saying "No" difficult. by avoiding saying "No" you can be drawn into

situations that you don't want to be in. You may not want to say "No" because you may

have fears about how other people may see or react to you.

You may feel scared that you will be seen as mean or selfish, or that you may be rejected by others.

you are not responsible for the reactions of other adults, but you can be responsible for your own actions.

Technique 4: Saying "No" to unfair/unreasonable requests /demands

One of the most common problems in communication is caused by trying to read other people's minds or expecting them to read yours. If you want people to respond to your ideas and needs you have to be able to say what you want clearly and in a way that will make others want to respond.

  Example 1. Say: "Will you please . . . .?" Instead of

"Would you mind . . . . ?" Example 2. Say: "I won't be able to . . . ." instead of

'I'm not sure if I can . . . ." Example 3. Say: "I've decided not to . . ." instead of 'I

don't think I can . . . . "

Technique 5: Being direct and clear

You lent money to your friend and they never paid you back.

Your friend smokes in the house and it bothers you. A family member asks you for help but you have

previous engagments. You and your friend are discussing weight loss and

your friend says something with which you strongly disagree.

You and your friend are working on a school project. She keeps telling you what to do and doesn’t accept any of your ideas.

Role Play

I am honest and direct about my thoughts and feelings. I speak up and share my views if I disagree with others'

opinions. I am confident about my opinions and decisions. I am able to accept that someone else may have a better

idea or solution to a problem than I do. I can accept positive criticism and suggestions. I ask for help when I need it. I am able to turn down requests that seem unreasonable

or unfair. I directly address things that bother me. I speak confidently about things that matter a lot to me. I consider my needs as important as others’.

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