Assertiveness TrainingAssertiveness Training

Response StylesResponse Styles

Passive Assertive Aggressive

Submissive ResponseSubmissive Response

Submissive Response is usually made by people, who attempt to gain the approval of others and avoid upsetting others.

People who demonstrate this behavior -

•Don’t stand up for themselves.

•Find it difficult to say NO.

•May express opinions in a cautious or mild manner, or they may not express it at all.

•Allow others to dominate them.

•Allow others to take credit for work they have completed.

•Feel taken for granted in many situations.

•Feel ineffective in social situations.

Aggressive ResponseAggressive Response

Aggressive Response is usually by people who have little or no concern for other peoples ideas, feelings and needs.

People who exhibit this behavior-

•Often use sarcasm while communicating with others.

•Place the blame for problems and mistakes on someone else.

•Tend to impose their views on others.

•Are bad listeners.

•Lack empathetic attitude towards others.

Assertive ResponseAssertive ResponseAssertive Response is usually exhibited by people who respect the rights of others people to express their thoughts or feelings, while at the same time recognizing that have a right to express their own too.

They are emotionally intelligent people who can express their feelings ideas and choices. Do not feel offended by people who may not share the same.

Such people are usually-

•Honest with self and others.

•Have the ability to say NO, but not at the expense of others.

•Have self respect and respect for others.

•Are able to resolve conflicts positively.

•Are able to express their views while at the same time understanding other peoples point of view.

•Are empathetic towards others.

Barriers to Assertive BehaviorBarriers to Assertive BehaviorFEAR OF BEING REJECTED FEAR OF BEING REJECTED

NEGATIVE SELFNEGATIVE SELF--IMAGE,MAY BLAME IMAGE,MAY BLAME ‘‘FATEFATE’’

INABILITY TO EXPRESS DUE TO INABILITY TO EXPRESS DUE TO CONDITIONING OR STEROTYPES ROLES CONDITIONING OR STEROTYPES ROLES

HIGH DEPENDANCY NEEDS AND SEEK HIGH DEPENDANCY NEEDS AND SEEK APPROVAL FROM PEOPLE APPROVAL FROM PEOPLE

Techniques for AssertivenessTechniques for AssertivenessBe as specific and clear as possible about what you want, Be as specific and clear as possible about what you want, think, and feel. think, and feel. The following statements project this preciselyThe following statements project this precisely "I want to..." "I want to..." "I don't want you to..." "I don't want you to..." "Would you...?" "Would you...?" "I liked it when you did that." "I liked it when you did that." "I have a different opinion, I think that..." "I have a different opinion, I think that..." "I have mixed reactions. I agree with these aspects for "I have mixed reactions. I agree with these aspects for

these reasons, but I am disturbed about these aspects these reasons, but I am disturbed about these aspects for these reasons." for these reasons."

Use effective MessagesUse effective Messages

Use past to state what happened, present to say how they feel noUse past to state what happened, present to say how they feel now and w and future to find solutionsfuture to find solutionsAn "I" message is a good way to let people know what you areAn "I" message is a good way to let people know what you are

thinking. It is made of three parts.thinking. It is made of three parts.BehaviorBehavior ---- what it is, exactly, that the other person has donewhat it is, exactly, that the other person has doneor is doing or is doing EffectEffect ---- what is happening because of their behavior what is happening because of their behavior FeelingsFeelings ---- what effect does their behavior have on yourwhat effect does their behavior have on yourfeelings? feelings?

Do not use labels to describe behavior like lazy, incompetent, iDo not use labels to describe behavior like lazy, incompetent, inefficient nefficient but say you took longer time than but say you took longer time than expected,moreexpected,more competence in competence in decision making or more skilled job or task orientation decision making or more skilled job or task orientation

An example:An example:

"When you come late to the meeting (behavior : past) "When you come late to the meeting (behavior : past) I feel angry (feelings : present) because we have to repeat I feel angry (feelings : present) because we have to repeat the discussion and it delays everyone (effect )what can the discussion and it delays everyone (effect )what can you do to avoid such situations: (solution : future.)" you do to avoid such situations: (solution : future.)"

By using this kind of message, you are giving the personBy using this kind of message, you are giving the personcomplete information, leaving no room for second guessingcomplete information, leaving no room for second guessingor doubt.or doubt.

This is much more productive and assertive than simply This is much more productive and assertive than simply ignoring the problem or just expressing your anger orignoring the problem or just expressing your anger orfrustration. frustration.

Use factual descriptions instead of judgmentsUse factual descriptions instead of judgments and labels and labels

"This is sloppy work." (Aggressive) "This is sloppy work." (Aggressive) "The pages in this report are not in correct order." "The pages in this report are not in correct order."

(Assertive).(Assertive).I donI don’’t know what went in this t know what went in this report?(submissivereport?(submissive))

Avoid exaggerationsAvoid exaggerations

"You never are on time!" (Aggressive) "You never are on time!" (Aggressive) --"You were 15 minutes late today. That's the "You were 15 minutes late today. That's the third time this week." (Assertive) third time this week." (Assertive)

Use "I" not "You"Use "I" not "You"

"You always interrupt my stories!" (Aggressive) "You always interrupt my stories!" (Aggressive) "I would like to tell my story without being "I would like to tell my story without being interrupted." (Assertive) interrupted." (Assertive)

Express thoughts, feelings, and opinions Express thoughts, feelings, and opinions reflecting ownershipreflecting ownership

"He makes me angry." (Denies ownership of "He makes me angry." (Denies ownership of feelings)feelings)

"I get angry when he breaks his promises." "I get angry when he breaks his promises." (Owns feelings) (Owns feelings)

Positive Body Language Positive Body Language

Maintain EyeMaintain Eye--Contact.Contact.Facial expressions, the ultimate give away!Facial expressions, the ultimate give away!Posture and gestures.Posture and gestures.Listen...and let people know you have heard what they Listen...and let people know you have heard what they said.said.Be polite, clear and firm.Be polite, clear and firm.When we loose temper we stop controlling situations When we loose temper we stop controlling situations Build consensus not agreement, build commitment not Build consensus not agreement, build commitment not compliance. compliance. DonDon’’t command seek cooperation.t command seek cooperation.