wrfy leadership and self-deception
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Leadership and Self-deception The Arbinger Institute
March 2015
1
Presented by Kobus Serfontein
What is Self-deception?
Self-deception is not knowing – and resisting the possibility – that one has a problem
How do I help someone see what they don’t
want to see?
Most conflicts are perpetuated by self-deception. So are most failures in
communication – and most breakdowns in trust and accountability
“It is in the darkness of their eyes that men get lost” Black Elk
Two main reasons for our self deception
1.We see others as objects and not as people
2. The choices we make
We (leadership) have a PROBLEM? We see others as OBJECTS and not as PEOPLE?
Behaviour
Out of the Box I see myself and others as PEOPLE (Responsiveness)
In the Box I see myself and others in a distorted way – as OBJECTS (Resistance) Obstacle Irrelevant Vehicle
Ways of Being is deeper and more important than our behaviour
When you enter the “box”: 1. You start to justify your behaviour 2. Your view about reality and others becomes distorted 3. You provoke others to enter their “box”
Leadership and Self-deception? (How we get in the box)
Feeling
CHOICE
Honour it Betray it “Self-betrayal”
Arbinger Institute, 2009
When you enter the “box”: 1. You start to justify your behaviour 2. Your view about reality and others becomes distorted 3. You provoke others to enter their “box”
From Self-betrayal to self-deception? “In the Box”
1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do is called self-betrayal
2. When I betray myself, I enter the box 3. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic
of me, and I carry them with me 4. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in
the box 5. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and
obtain mutual justification.
What doesn’t work in the box?
1. Trying to change others 2. Doing the best to “cope” with
others 3. Leaving 4. Communicating 5. Implementing new skills or
techniques
At the Root of the Business Effects
The purpose of work: To achieve results together.
The foundational workplace self-deception, then: 1. Like childbed fever, self-deception has many different symptoms – from
lack of motivation and commitment to stress and communication problems.
2. You allow or participate in blame. 3. You get in the box. 4. You don’t help them get better. 5. They get worse, reinforcing your betrayals.
The cure: Staying out of the box makes you a better leader (even when someone
more senior “invites you back in”). It is easier for team members to stay productive with a leader like you
who is “out of the box.”
When you (as leader) and your people are “in the box” – there can be NO PERFORMANCE
Blame Lack of commitment Lack of motivation Poor communication Lack of trust Conflict
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