the emotionally healthy (eh) discipleship courses · 2020. 6. 22. · introduction the emotionally...

TheEmotionallyHealthy(EH)DiscipleshipCourses

TheEmotionallyHealthy(EH)SpiritualityCourseEmotionallyHealthySpirituality

EmotionallyHealthySpiritualityWorkbookEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDay

EmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDVD

TheEmotionallyHealthy(EH)RelationshipsCoursesEmotionallyHealthyRelationshipsWorkbookEmotionallyHealthyRelationshipsDaybyDay

EmotionallyHealthyRelationshipsDVD

OtherResourcesbyPeteand/orGeriScazzero

TheEmotionallyHealthyWoman(book,workbook,andDVD)TheEmotionallyHealthyLeader

TheEmotionallyHealthyChurch(bookandworkbook)

ZONDERVAN

Requestsforinformationshouldbeaddressedto:Zondervan,3900SparksDr.SE,GrandRapids,Michigan49546

ePubEdition©March2017:ISBN978-0-310-08520-1

AnyInternetaddresses(websites,blogs,etc.)andtelephonenumbersinthisbookareofferedasaresource.TheyarenotintendedinanywaytobeorimplyanendorsementbyZondervan,nordoesZondervanvouchforthecontentofthesesitesandnumbersforthelifeofthisbook.

All rights reserved. No part of this publicationmay be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by anymeans—electronic,mechanical,photocopy,recording,oranyother—exceptforbriefquotationsinprintedreviews,withoutthepriorpermissionofthepublisher.

Coverphotography:ShutterstockAuthorphotos:OrlandoSuazoInteriordesign:BethShagene

Interioricebergillustration:123RF®/IonPopa

FirstPrintingMarch2017

EbookInstructions

In this ebook edition, please use your device’s note-taking function to record your thoughts wherever you see the bracketedinstructions[YourNotes]or[YourResponseHere].Useyourdevice’shighlightingfunctiontorecordyourresponsewheneveryouareaskedtocheckmark,circle,underline,orotherwiseindicateyouranswer(s).

Contents

EbookInstructionsIntroductionHowtoUseThisWorkbookSuggestedGuidelinesfortheGroup

SESSION1TheProblemofEmotionallyUnhealthySpirituality

SESSION2KnowYourselfThatYouMayKnowGod

SESSION3GoingBackinOrdertoGoForward

SESSION4JourneythroughtheWall

SESSION5EnlargeYourSoulthroughGriefandLoss

SESSION6DiscovertheRhythmsoftheDailyOfficeandSabbath

SESSION7GrowintoanEmotionallyMatureAdult

SESSION8GotheNextSteptoDevelopa“RuleofLife”

Leader’sGuideNotesAbouttheAuthorsChecklistforEmotionallyHealthy(EH)SpiritualityCourse

Introduction

TheEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityCourse(orTheEHSpiritualityCourse) isaplanfordiscipleshipthatdeeplychangesourrelationshipwithGod.

TheEHSpiritualityCoursedoesthisintwoways:

1. Addressingdirectlytherealitythatemotionalmaturityandspiritualmaturityareinseparable,thatitisnotpossibletobespirituallymaturewhileremainingemotionallyimmature.

2. Equippingpeopleinapersonal,firsthandrelationshipwithJesusbyincorporatingstillness,silence,andScriptureasdailyliferhythms.

Thegoalofthisworkbook,alongwithitscompanionresources—TheEHSpiritualityCoursevideo,theEmotionallyHealthySpirituality book, and theEmotionallyHealthy SpiritualityDay byDay devotional—is to help you implement the eight corebiblicaltruthsandprinciplesthatmakeupTheEHSpiritualityCourse.Onthelastpageoftheworkbookyouwillfindachecklistto keep you on track as you move through the Course. Fill it out along the way and, when completed, go toemotionallyhealthy.orgtoreceiveyourcertificateofcompletion.

Eachoftheeighttruthsexploredinthesesessionscouldeasilyhavebeenexpandedintotheirowncourse.Wehavekeptthemtogether, however, to serve as an introduction into a life with God that goes beyond “tip of the iceberg spirituality” intotransformationthroughChristthattouchesthedepthofyourbeing.

HowtoUseThisWorkbook

BeforeSession1

PurchasetheEmotionallyHealthySpiritualitybook,EmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDay,andthisworkbook.Readchapter1oftheEmotionallyHealthySpiritualitybook.A 5-minute video that introduces how to use Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Day by Day can be found atwww.emotionallyhealthy.org/ehscourseoronYouTube.

ThroughouttheStudy

Beforeeachgroupmeeting,readthechaptersfromtheEmotionallyHealthySpiritualitybookthatcorrespondwitheachsessioninthisworkbook.AnothercoreelementofTheEHSpiritualityCourse istoprayerfullyreadthedevotionalsfoundinEmotionallyHealthSpiritualityDaybyDayduringtheweekthatfollowsthestudy.

Eachsessionisdividedintosixsections:

IntroductionGrowingConnectedVideo:OpeningPresentationGroupDiscussionApplicationVideo:ClosingSummary

This is followed by a Between-Sessions Personal Study that is based on questions from the Daily Offices found in theEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDaydevotional.

Spaceisprovidedthroughoutforyoutorecordyourresponses,questions,orotherinsightsthatGodmaybebringingtoyouduringyourmeetingtimeaswellasduringyourpersonalstudytimebetweenmeetings.

TheLeader’sGuidefoundinthebackofthisworkbookprovidesextremelyhelpfulinformationtosupplementthestudies.Weespeciallyencourageyoutoavailyourselvesofthisvaluablematerial.AdditionalresourcesforTheEHSpiritualityCoursecanbefoundatwww.emotionallyhealthy.org/courses.

Pete’svideopresentationsforeachsessionareavailablewhereverbooks/DVDsaresoldorbydigitalvideothroughsitessuchas:CBD.com,amazon.com,vimeo.com,Gotothehub.com,andstudygateway.com.

SuggestedGuidelinesfortheGroup

BePrepared

Togetthemostoutofyourtimetogether,weaskthatyoureadthechaptersinEmotionallyHealthySpirituality thatcorrespondwitheachsession.PleasealsobringyourworkbookandtheEHSpiritualityDaybyDaybookwithyoutoeachmeeting.

SpeakforYourself

Weencourageyoutoshareanduse“I”statements.Weareonlyexpertsonourselves.Forexample:Insteadofsaying,“Everyoneisbusy,”say,“Iambusy.”Insteadofsaying,“Weallstrugglewithforgiving,”say,“Istrugglewithforgiving.”

RespectOthers

Bebriefinyoursharing,remainingmindfulthattherearetimelimitationsandothersmaywanttoshare.

NoFixing,Saving,NoSettingOtherPeopleStraight

Respectpeople’sjourneysandtrusttheHolySpiritinsideofthemtoleadthemintoalltruth—inhistiming.Resistthetemptationtoofferquickadviceaspeopleshareinthegroup.

TurntoWonder

Ifyoufeeljudgmentalordefensivewhensomeoneelseissharing,askyourself:Iwonderwhatbroughthim/hertothisbelief?Iwonderwhathe/sheisfeelingrightnow?Iwonderwhatmyreactionteachesmeaboutmyself?

TrustandLearnfromSilence

Itisokaytohavesilencebetweenresponsesasthegroupshares,givingmemberstheopportunitytoreflect.Remember,thereisnopressuretoshare.

ObserveConfidentiality

Inordertocreateanenvironmentthatissafeforopenandhonestparticipation,anythingsomeoneshareswithinthegroupshouldnotberepeatedoutsideofthegroup.However,feelfreetoshareyourownstoryandpersonalgrowth.

Punctuality

Resolvetoarriveontime.

SESSION1

TheProblemofEmotionallyUnhealthySpirituality

Beforeyourfirstgroupmeeting,readchapter1oftheEmotionallyHealthySpiritualitybook.

DailyOffice(10minutes)

DooneoftheDailyOfficesfromWeek1ofEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDaytobeginyoursession.(Leaders,pleaseseepointnumbertwointhe“GeneralGuidelines”onpage124.)

Introduction(3minutes)

Emotionalhealthandspiritualmaturitycannotbeseparated.Itisnotpossibletobespirituallymaturewhileremainingemotionallyimmature.

Whenweignoretheemotionalcomponentofourlives,wemovethroughthemotionsofChristiandisciplines,activities,andbehaviors,butdeeplyrootedbehavioralpatternsfromourpastscontinuetohinderusfromanauthenticlifeofmaturityinChrist.

Weoftenneglecttoreflectonwhatisgoingoninsideusandaroundus(emotionalhealth)andaretoobusytoslowdowntobewithGod(contemplativespirituality).1Asaresult,werunthehighriskofremainingstuckasspiritualinfants,failingtodevelopintospiritually/emotionallymatureadultsinChrist.

Jay,oneofourchurchmembers,describeditbest:“IwasaChristianfortwenty-twoyears.Butinsteadofbeingatwenty-two-year-oldChristian, Iwasaone-year-oldChristian twenty-two times! I justkeptdoing thesame thingsoverandoverandoveragain.”

Inordertofacilitateasenseofsafetyateachsmallgrouptable,pleaseturntopages11–12asthe“SuggestedGuidelinesfortheGroup”arereadaloud.

GrowingConnected(10minutes)

1.Shareyournameandafewwordsaboutwhatmakesyoufeelfullyalive(e.g.,nature,music,sports,reading).

VIDEO:TheProblemofEmotionallyUnhealthySpirituality(19minutes)

WatchthevideosegmentforSession1andusethespaceprovidedtonoteanythingthatstandsouttoyou.

[YourResponseHere]

GroupDiscussion(45minutes)

Starters(10minutes)2.Thefollowingarethetoptensymptomsofemotionallyunhealthyspirituality.Asthelistthatbeginsbelowisreadaloud,puta

checkmarknexttotheoneortwosymptomsthataremostrelevantinyourlifetoday.Afterward,turntoanotherpersonandeachsharetheonesymptomthatmostappliestoyourspirituallifetoday.

1.UsingGodtorunfromGod(Example:IfillmylifewithChristianactivitiestoavoidaddressingdifficultissuesinmylife.)

2.Ignoringtheemotionsofanger,sadness,andfear(Example:Iamrarelyhonestwithmyselfand/orothersaboutthefeelings,hurts,andpainsbeneaththesurfaceofmylife.)

3.Dyingtothewrongthings(Example: I tend to deny healthy, God-given desires and pleasures of life such as friendships, joy, music, beauty,laughter, and nature. At the same time, I find it difficult to die to my self-protectiveness, defensiveness, lack ofvulnerability,andjudgmentalism.)

4.Denyingthepast’simpactonthepresent(Example: I rarely consider how my family of origin and significant people/events from my past have shaped mypresent.)

5.Dividinglifeinto“secular”and“sacred”compartments(Example: I easily compartmentalize God to “Christian activities” while usually forgetting about him when I amworking,shopping,studying,orrecreating.)

6.DoingforGodinsteadofbeingwithGod(Example:ItendtoevaluatemyspiritualitybasedonhowmuchIamdoingforGod.)

7.Spiritualizingawayconflict(Example:Iusuallymissoutontruepeacebysmoothingoverdisagreements,buryingtensions,andavoidingconflict,ratherthandisruptingfalsepeaceasJesusdid.)

8.Coveringoverbrokenness,weakness,andfailure(Example:Ihaveahardtimespeakingfreelyaboutmyweaknesses,failures,andmistakes.)

9.Livingwithoutlimits(Example:ThoseclosetomewouldsaythatIoften“trytodoitall”or“biteoffmorethanIcanchew.”)

10.Judgingthespiritualjourneysofothers(Example:Ioftenfindmyselfoccupiedandbotheredbythefaultsofthosearoundme.)

BibleStudy:1Samuel15:7–24(35minutes)InthisstorywemeetKingSaul,thefirstkingofIsrael,andSamuel,God’sprophetwhobringsGod’swordtoSaul.KingSaulhadbeen instructed byGod earlier in verse 3 to “attack theAmalekites and totally destroy all that belongs to them.” (Note: TheAmalekiteswereawicked,sinfulcultureknownfortheirdestructiveness).Saul,however,givesintothewishesofhisfightingmenanddoesonlypartofGod’swill.Readaloud1Samuel15:7–24.

7ThenSaulattackedtheAmalekitesallthewayfromHavilahtoShur,neartheeasternborderofEgypt.8HetookAgagkingoftheAmalekitesalive,andallhispeoplehetotallydestroyedwiththesword.9ButSaulandthearmysparedAgagandthebest of the sheep and cattle, the fat calves and lambs—everything that was good. These theywere unwilling to destroycompletely,buteverythingthatwasdespisedandweaktheytotallydestroyed.

10ThenthewordoftheLORDcametoSamuel:11“IregretthatIhavemadeSaulking,becausehehasturnedawayfrommeandhasnotcarriedoutmyinstructions.”Samuelwasangry,andhecriedouttotheLORDallthatnight.

12EarlyinthemorningSamuelgotupandwenttomeetSaul,buthewastold,“SaulhasgonetoCarmel.TherehehassetupamonumentinhisownhonorandhasturnedandgoneondowntoGilgal.”

13WhenSamuelreachedhim,Saulsaid,“TheLORDblessyou!IhavecarriedouttheLORD’sinstructions.”14ButSamuelsaid,“Whatthenisthisbleatingofsheepinmyears?WhatisthislowingofcattlethatIhear?”15 Saul answered, “The soldiers brought them from the Amalekites; they spared the best of the sheep and cattle to

sacrificetotheLORDyourGod,butwetotallydestroyedtherest.”16“Enough!”SamuelsaidtoSaul.“LetmetellyouwhattheLORDsaidtomelastnight.”“Tellme,”Saulreplied.17Samuelsaid,“Althoughyouwereoncesmallinyourowneyes,didyounotbecometheheadofthetribesofIsrael?

TheLORDanointedyoukingoverIsrael.18Andhesentyouonamission,saying,‘Goandcompletelydestroythosewickedpeople,theAmalekites;wagewaragainstthemuntilyouhavewipedthemout.’19WhydidyounotobeytheLORD?WhydidyoupounceontheplunderanddoevilintheeyesoftheLORD?”

20 “But I did obey the LORD,” Saul said. “I went on themission the LORD assignedme. I completely destroyed theAmalekitesandbroughtbackAgagtheirking.21Thesoldierstooksheepandcattlefromtheplunder,thebestofwhatwasdevotedtoGod,inordertosacrificethemtotheLORDyourGodatGilgal.”

22ButSamuelreplied:

“DoestheLORDdelightinburntofferingsandsacrifices

asmuchasinobeyingtheLORD?Toobeyisbetterthansacrifice,

andto[listen]isbetterthanthefatoframs.23Forrebellionislikethesinofdivination,

andarroganceliketheevilofidolatry.BecauseyouhaverejectedthewordoftheLORD,

hehasrejectedyouasking.”

24ThenSaulsaidtoSamuel,“Ihavesinned.IviolatedtheLORD’scommandandyourinstructions.IwasafraidofthemenandsoIgaveintothem.”

3.Inverse11,whatdoyounoticeaboutGodandSamuel’sresponsestoSaul’sfailuretofullyobey?

[YourResponseHere]

HowdoesthisdifferfromSaul’sresponseinverses12–13?

[YourResponseHere]

4.Rereadverses12and24.WhatmighthavebeengoingonbeneaththesurfaceofSaul’slife(iceberg)thathewasunawareof?

[YourResponseHere]

5.Rereadverses22–23.DescribeinyourownwordshowSamuelexplainsSaul’sdisobedience.

[YourResponseHere]

6.Listoneortwoexamplesofhowyougothroughthemotionsofmaking“burntofferings”and“sacrifices”ratherthanobeyingthewordoftheLord(e.g.,actingorspeakingfromfearofwhatothersthink,orbeingonepersonatchurchandanotherpersonatworkorhome,ornothavingaplaceinyourlifetobestillandlistentotheLord)?

[YourResponseHere]

7.Notetheseriousnessofverse23a.Whatpositivestep(s)couldSaulhavetakentobecomeawareofhisownicebergandhearGodinhissituation?Whatmightbeonepositivestepforyou?

[YourResponseHere]

Inwhatwayscanyourelate,ornotrelate,toSaul?

[YourResponseHere]

Application(15minutes)

Afterthefollowingparagraphsandquestions8and9arereadaloud,take5minutestojournalyourresponsetothosequestionsinthespaceprovided.Thenshareyourresponsetoquestion10ingroupsoftwoorthree.NotonlywasSaulunawareofwhatwasgoingon insideofhim,he alsodidnot cultivate a contemplative lifewithGod.His“doing”forGoddidnotflowfromhis“being”withGod.

In the sameway,our“doing” for Jesusmust flow fromour“being”withhim.Far toooften,we livevicariouslyoffotherpeople’sspiritualityandrelatetoGodwhilebusily“ontherun.”8.WhatchallengeskeepyoufromslowingdownyourlifetobewithGod?

[YourResponseHere]

9.Thediagrambelowprovides an illustrationof a spiritual lifewhereour activity (i.e., ourdoing) isoutofbalancewithourcontemplativelife(i.e.,ourinnerlifewithJesus).

Now,using twocircles like theones in thediagram,drawyourowndiagram to illustratehowyour activities (yourdoing)balancewithyourcontemplativelife(yourbeingwithGod).2

[YourResponseHere]

10.TheremainingsessionsofTheEHSpiritualityCoursewilladdresswayswecanmakechangesinourlives.Atthispoint,whatmightbeoneortwosimplestepsyoucantaketowardbeginningtoslowdownyourlifeandbalanceyourtwocircles?

[YourResponseHere]

VIDEO:ClosingSummary(6minutes)

WatchtheclosingvideosummaryforSession1andusethespaceprovidedtonoteanythingthatstandsouttoyou.

[YourResponseHere]

Between-SessionsPersonalStudy

SESSION1

Readchapter2ofthebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality,“KnowYourselfThatYouMayKnowGod.”Usethespaceprovidedtonoteanyinsightsorquestionsyoumightwanttobringtothenextgroupsession.

PrayerfullyreadWeek1ofthedevotionalEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDay,“TheProblemofEmotionallyUnhealthySpirituality.”UsethespaceprovidedtoanswertheQuestionstoConsiderand/ortojournalyourthoughtseachday.

Day1QuestionstoConsider:

Howwouldyoudescribe“whatissecondary”inyourlife,thethingthatmightbe“blockingtheway”toexperiencingGod?

[YourResponseHere]

HowcouldyoumakemoreroominyourlifeforsilenceinordertolistentoGod?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatinternalorexternalstormmightGodbesendingintoyourlifeasasignthatsomethingisnotrightspiritually?

[YourResponseHere]

HowdoyouhearthewordsoftheapostleJohntoday:“Donotlovetheworldoranythingintheworld”(1John2:15)?

[YourResponseHere]

Inwhatway(s)hasGodputyourlifeorplans“outofjoint”sothatyoumightdependonhim?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatmightbeonewayyour“busyness”blocksyoufromlisteningandcommuningwiththelivingGod?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatthingsare“worrying”and“upsetting”youasyoubeginthisday?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatareyouangryabouttoday?Sadabout?Afraidof?PouroutyourresponsesbeforeGod,trustinginhimasDaviddid.

[YourResponseHere]

WhatisonestepyoucantaketodaytoslowdownandlivemoreattentivelytothevoiceofJesus?

[YourResponseHere]

HowmightbrokennessorweaknessinyourlifetodaypresentanopportunityforGod’spowertobedemonstrated?

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION2

KnowYourselfThatYouMayKnowGod

Introduction(3minutes)

Self-awarenessisintricatelyrelatedtoourrelationshipwithGod.Infact,thechallengeofScripturetoshedourold“false”selfinordertoliveauthenticallyinournew“true”selfstrikesattheverycoreoftruespirituality.

InAD500,Augustinewrote inConfessions,“Howcanyoudrawclose toGodwhenyouarefar fromyourownself?”Heprayed:“Grant,Lord,thatImayknowmyselfthatImayknowthee.”

In1530,JohnCalvinwroteinhisopeningoftheInstitutesoftheChristianReligion:“Ourwisdom...consistsalmostentirelyoftwoparts:theknowledgeofGodandofourselves.Butastheseareconnectedtogetherbymanyties,itisnoteasytodeterminewhichofthetwoprecedesandgivesbirthtotheother.”

Thevastmajorityofusgotoourgraveswithoutknowingwhoweare.Withoutbeingfullyawareofit,welivesomeoneelse’slife,oratleastsomeoneelse’sexpectationsforus.Thisdoesviolencetoourselves,toourrelationshipwithGod,andultimatelytoothers.

Inordertofacilitateasenseofsafetyateachsmallgrouptable,pleaseturntopages11–12asthe“SuggestedGuidelinesfortheGroup”arereadaloud.

1.DaybyDayDebrief:Whatobstacles,difficulties,orsuccessesdidyouexperienceinmeetingwithGodthispastweekusingtheEHSpiritualityDaybyDaydevotional?Havetwoorthreepeopleshare.(7minutes)

[YourResponseHere]

2.Describeyourdreamjob.(10minutes.Dependingongroupsize,youmayhavetodividethegroupintwo.)

[YourResponseHere]

VIDEO:KnowYourselfThatYouMayKnowGod(13minutes)

WatchthevideosegmentforSession2.Usethespaceprovidedtonoteanythingthatstandsouttoyou.

[YourResponseHere]

Starters(10minutes)Afterthefollowingparagraphisreadaloud,completequestion3onyourown.

The journeyofgenuine transformation to emotionallyhealthy spiritualitybeginswith a commitment to allowyourself to feel.Feelings are an essential part of our humanity and unique personhood asmen andwomen created inGod’s image. ScripturerevealsGodasanemotionalbeingwhofeelsasaperson.Havingbeencreatedinhisimage,wealsoarecreatedwiththegifttofeelandexperienceemotions.Someofusmayhavelearnedthatfeelingsarenottobetrusted;thattheyaredangerousandcanleadusawayfromGod’swillforus.Whileitistruethatwearenottobeledbyouremotions,theydoserveacriticalfunctioninourdiscipleshipanddiscernmentofGod’swill.

3.Journalyourresponsetothequestionsonthenextpageinthespaceprovided.Yourconcerncanbesomethingfromthepast,present,orfuture.Considerareassuchasfinances,health,relationships,work,etc.(5min.)

•Whatareyouangryabout?

[YourResponseHere]

•Whatareyousadabout?

[YourResponseHere]

•Whatareyouanxiousabout?

[YourResponseHere]

•Whatareyougladabout?

[YourResponseHere]

4.Shareingroupsoftwoorthreewhatitwasliketojournalyourfeelings?(5min.)

BibleStudy:1Samuel17:26–45(35minutes)In this famous story, the army of Israel faced the great army of the Philistines. For forty days, the Philistine hero Goliath,describedasninefeettallanddressedinpowerfulweaponry,challengedanyIsraelitesoldiertocomeoutandfighthim.WhentheIsraelitessawhim,however,“theyallfledfromhimingreatfear”(1Samuel17:24).WepickupthestoryafterDavidhears,forthefirsttime,Goliath’shumiliatingchallengetoIsrael’sarmy.Listencarefullyasthestoryfrom1Samuel17:26–45isreadaloud.

26 David asked themen standing near him, “What will be done for themanwho kills this Philistine and removes thisdisgracefromIsrael?WhoisthisuncircumcisedPhilistinethatheshoulddefythearmiesofthelivingGod?”

27Theyrepeatedtohimwhattheyhadbeensayingandtoldhim,“Thisiswhatwillbedoneforthemanwhokillshim.”28WhenEliab,David’soldestbrother,heardhimspeakingwiththemen,heburnedwithangerathimandasked,“Why

haveyoucomedownhere?Andwithwhomdidyouleavethosefewsheepinthewilderness?Iknowhowconceitedyouareandhowwickedyourheartis;youcamedownonlytowatchthebattle.”

29“NowwhathaveIdone?”saidDavid.“Can’tIevenspeak?”30Hethenturnedawaytosomeoneelseandbroughtupthesamematter,andthemenansweredhimasbefore.31WhatDavidsaidwasoverheardandreportedtoSaul,andSaulsentforhim.

32DavidsaidtoSaul,“LetnooneloseheartonaccountofthisPhilistine;yourservantwillgoandfighthim.”33Saulreplied,“YouarenotabletogooutagainstthisPhilistineandfighthim;youareonlyayoungman,andhehas

beenawarriorfromhisyouth.”34ButDavidsaidtoSaul,“Yourservanthasbeenkeepinghisfather’ssheep.Whenalionorabearcameandcarriedoff

asheepfromtheflock,35Iwentafterit,struckitandrescuedthesheepfromitsmouth.Whenitturnedonme,Iseizeditbyitshair,struckitandkilledit.36Yourservanthaskilledboththelionandthebear;thisuncircumcisedPhilistinewillbelikeoneofthem,becausehehasdefiedthearmiesofthelivingGod.37TheLORDwhorescuedmefromthepawofthelionandthepawofthebearwillrescuemefromthehandofthisPhilistine.”

SaulsaidtoDavid,“Go,andtheLORDbewithyou.”38ThenSauldressedDavidinhisowntunic.Heputacoatofarmoronhimandabronzehelmetonhishead.39David

fastenedonhisswordoverthetunicandtriedwalkingaround,becausehewasnotusedtothem.“Icannotgointhese,”hesaidtoSaul,“becauseIamnotusedtothem.”Sohetookthemoff.40Thenhetookhisstaffin

hishand,chosefivesmoothstonesfromthestream,puttheminthepouchofhisshepherd’sbagand,withhisslinginhishand,approachedthePhilistine.

41Meanwhile, thePhilistine,withhisshieldbearer infrontofhim,keptcomingclosertoDavid.42He lookedDavidoverandsaw thathewas littlemore thanaboy,glowingwithhealthandhandsome,andhedespisedhim.43Hesaid toDavid,“AmIadog,thatyoucomeatmewithsticks?”AndthePhilistinecursedDavidbyhisgods.44“Comehere,”hesaid,“andI’llgiveyourfleshtothebirdsandthewildanimals!”

45DavidsaidtothePhilistine,“Youcomeagainstmewithswordandspearandjavelin,butIcomeagainstyouinthenameoftheLORDAlmighty,theGodofthearmiesofIsrael,whomyouhavedefied.”

5.Inyourownwords,whataresomeofDavid’sthoughtsandfeelingswhenhehearsGoliath’schallengetoIsrael(v.26)?

[YourResponseHere]

6.WhataresomeoftheaccusationsandmessagesDavidreceivesfromthepeoplearoundhim?

•Fromhisownfamily(v.28)

[YourResponseHere]

•FromSaul(vv.33,38)

[YourResponseHere]

•FromGoliath(vv.41–45)

[YourResponseHere]

7.WhatfeelingsmightyoubeexperiencingifyouwereDavid(ex.:inresponsetoanoldersibling,apersoninauthorityoveryou,oracompetentandintimidatingpersonlikeGoliath)?

[YourResponseHere]

8.WhatenablesDavidtoliveoutofhistrueselfagainstthepowerfulforcesandpressuresthatseektomoldhimintosomeoneheisnot?

[YourResponseHere]

9.Whereinyourlife,orwithwhom,isitdifficulttobeyourtrueself(ex.:tospeakhonestly,say“no,”ornotbeafraidofwhatothersthink)?

[YourResponseHere]

Takefiveminutesalonetoprayerfullyjournalyourresponsestothequestionsbelow.(5min.)

10.Whatmightitlooklikeforyoutotakeoffarmorthatyouarecurrentlywearingthatdoesnotfityou?

[YourResponseHere]

11.Manyofusaresounaccustomedtodistinguishingourtrueselffromourfalseselfthatitmayseemdifficulttoknowwheretobegin.Completethefollowingsentence,andthenshareitwithyourgroupasafirststep:WhatIambeginningtorealizeaboutmyselfis...

[YourResponseHere]

12.Shareyourresponsesingroupsoftwoorthree.(10min.)

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION2

Readchapter3ofthebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality,“GoingBackinOrdertoGoForward.”Usethespaceprovidedtonoteanyinsightsorquestionsyoumightwanttobringtothenextgroupsession.

Prayerfully readWeek2 of the devotionalEmotionallyHealthy SpiritualityDay byDay, “KnowYourself So ThatYouMayKnowGod.”UsethespaceprovidedtoanswertheQuestionstoConsiderand/ortojournalyourthoughtseachday.

WhatmightbeonespecificwaythatyougiveintoexpectationsofothersratherthanbeingfaithfultowhatJesushasforyou?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatmightbeonefalselayerorbandageGodisinvitingyoutoremovetoday?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatdoyouthinkmightbeoneofyour“birthright”giftsfromGodthathasbeenignoredinyourlife?

[YourResponseHere]

WheredoyouseeyourselfonBernard’slistofthefourdegreesoflove?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatimpressesyoumostaboutthestoryofAnthony’slife?

[YourResponseHere]

Whattemptation(s)ortrialsdoyoufindyourselfintodaythatGodmaybeusingasafurnacetohelpdevelopyourinteriorlife?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatwoulditlookliketorespectyourselfinlightofyourGod-givenlimits?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatisoneareaofyourinnerpersonthatthefireofGod’spresencemightwanttoburnaway(ex.:selfishness,greed,bitterness,impatience)?

[YourResponseHere]

Howmight itchangeyourdaytodayifyouwere tocease lookingforhumanapprovalandbeginseekingonly theapprovalofGod?

[YourResponseHere]

InwhatareaofyourlifemightyoubelivingasachickenwhenGod,inreality,hasmadeyouaneagle?

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION3

GoingBackinOrdertoGoForward

Introduction(1minute)

Emotionallyhealthyspirituality involvesembracingGod’schoice tobirthus intoaparticular family, inaparticularplace,ataparticularmomentinhistory.

That choice to embraceour past grants us certain opportunities andgifts. It alsohandsus a certain amount of “emotionalbaggage”forourjourneythroughlife.Forsomeofusthisloadisminimal;forothers,itisaheavyburdentocarry.

Truespiritualityfreesustolivejoyfullyinthepresent.Livingjoyfully,however,requiresgoingbackinordertogoforward.ThisprocesstakesustotheveryheartofspiritualityanddiscipleshipinthefamilyofGod—breakingfreefromthedestructivesinfulpatternsofourpastinordertolivethelifeoflovethatGodintends.

1.DaybyDayDebrief:Whatobstacles,difficulties,orsuccessesdidyouexperienceinmeetingwithGodthispastweekusingtheEHSpiritualityDaybyDaydevotional?Havetwoorthreepeopleshare.

[YourResponseHere]

2.Howwouldyoudescribethefamilyatmosphereyougrewupin?Trytousejustawordortwo(ex.:affirming,complaining,critical,approachable,angry,tense,cooperative,competitive,close,distant,fun,serious).

[YourResponseHere]

VIDEO:GoingBackinOrdertoGoForward(13minutes)

[YourResponseHere]

Starters(7minutes)3.Ourneedtogobackinordertogoforwardcanbesummedupintwoessentialbiblicaltruths:

Theblessingsandsinsofourfamiliesgoingbacktwotothreegenerationsprofoundlyimpactwhowearetoday.Discipleshiprequiresputtingoff thesinfulpatternsofourfamilyoforiginandrelearninghowtodolifeGod’swayinGod’sfamily.

Whatconcernsor fearsmightyouhave in lookingbackatyour familyoforigin todiscernunhealthypatternsand themes?Explain.

[YourResponseHere]

BibleStudy:Genesis50:15–21(33minutes)Readaloudtheintroductoryparagraphsandthenanswerquestion4.

The“family” isanemotionalsystemof twotofourgenerationswhomovethroughlife together indifferentplacesatdifferenttimes.Whenwe are born into families,we inherit theirways of relating, their values, and theirways of living in theworld.(Adoptedchildreninheritnotonlybirthfamilytraitsbutdrawontraitsfromtheiradoptivefamily.)Yourfamily’sstoryandyourindividualstorycannotbeseparated.

Josephisanexcellentexampleofthatreality.Hewasbornintoacomplex,blendedfamilywherehisfatherJacob,Jacob’stwowives,twoconcubines,andtheirchildren,alllivedunderoneroof.JosephwasJacob’sfavoredson.Asaresult,hisbrothersgrewjealous,leadingthemtosellJosephtoamerchantwhotookhimtoEgypt.ThebrothersneverexpectedtohearfromJosephagain.Afterhewassold,Joseph’slifebecameverydifficult.Forthenexttentothirteenyears,Josephlivedfirstasaslave,andlater,asaprisonerfalselyaccusedofrape.

4. Imagineyourself in Joseph’s shoessitting inaprisoncellwithoutanyhopeof freedom.What thoughts, feelings,ordoubtsmightyouhaveaboutyourfamily?Aboutyourself?AboutGod?

[YourResponseHere]

NowreadaloudthenextparagraphandScripturepassagebeforediscussingtheremainingquestions.

ThroughGod’smiraculousintervention,JosephwaspulledfromthepitofprisonandmadethesecondmostpowerfulpersoninEgypt.Later,whenhisbrotherscametoEgyptforfoodduringafamineinIsrael,JosephinvitedthemtoreturnfortheirfatherandliveinEgypt—whichtheygladlydid.ButafterJacobdied,thebrothersbegantoworry.ReadGenesis50:15–21.

15WhenJoseph’sbrotherssawthattheirfatherwasdead,theysaid,“WhatifJosephholdsagrudgeagainstusandpaysusbackforallthewrongswedidtohim?”16SotheysentwordtoJoseph,saying,“Yourfatherlefttheseinstructionsbeforehedied:17‘ThisiswhatyouaretosaytoJoseph:Iaskyoutoforgiveyourbrothersthesinsandthewrongstheycommittedintreatingyousobadly.’NowpleaseforgivethesinsoftheservantsoftheGodofyourfather.”Whentheirmessagecametohim,Josephwept.

18Hisbrothersthencameandthrewthemselvesdownbeforehim.“Weareyourslaves,”theysaid.19ButJosephsaidtothem,“Don’tbeafraid.AmIintheplaceofGod?20Youintendedtoharmme,butGodintendedit

forgoodtoaccomplishwhatisnowbeingdone,thesavingofmanylives.21Sothen,don’tbeafraid.Iwillprovideforyouandyourchildren.”Andhereassuredthemandspokekindlytothem.

5.WhatassumptionsarethebrothersmakingaboutJosephinverse15?

[YourResponseHere]

6.WhydoyouthinkJosephweeps(v.17)?

[YourResponseHere]

7.Josephchoosestobreakthe“normal”wayhisfamilydealswithhurtfeelingsandconflictbyforgivinghisbrothers.HowmightyouhaverespondedifyouwereinJoseph’sposition?(BesuretohonestlyputyourselfinJoseph’sshoes).

[YourResponseHere]

8. Slowly, reread verses 19–21. Here we see Joseph’s response to the enormous losses he experienced in his life. Carefullyconsiderthedifferentaspectsofthisresponsenotedbelow.Asyouthinkaboutyourownlifestory,whichonespeaksthemosttoyouandwhy?

•“Don’tbeafraid.”•“AmIintheplaceofGod?”•“Youintendedtoharmme,butGodintendeditforgood.”

Completequestion9onyourown.Thenanswerquestions10–12asagroupbeforeclosingtogetherinprayer.

9. Josephhada rich senseofbeingpartofhis familyoforiginandhow ithadshapedhis life—bothgoodandbad.Wemusthonestlyfacethetruthsaboutourfamilyoforiginaswell.Prayerfullycompletethechartonthefollowingpageevenifyouhavedoneasimilarexercisebefore.Weoftenreceivenewinsightswhenweponderandreflectonourfamily’simpactonusatdifferenttimes.

• First, list the life messages you received from each of your parents or caretakers (ex.: Don’t be weak. Education iseverything.Youmustachievetobeloved.Don’tbesad;thingscouldbeworse.Makealotofmoney.Don’ttrustpeople;theywillhurtyou.).

•Next,listany“earthquake”eventsthatsent“aftershocks”intoyourextendedfamily(ex.:abuse,prematureorsuddendeaths/losses,divorces,shamefulsecretsrevealed,etc.).

•Reviewthethreeseparateboxesandsummarizewhatmessagesaboutlife/yourself/othersyouinternalized.Thenfillinthebottombox,“CumulativemessagesIreceived.”

10.Sharewiththegroupthemessage(s)youreceived.HowdothosemessagescomparewiththemessagesbelowthatreflectwhoyouareinthenewfamilyofJesus?•Itisgoodthatyouexist.•Youarelovable.•Youaregoodenough.

•Youareajoy.•Youhavenothinglefttoprove.•Yourneedsareadelight.•Youareallowedtomakemistakes.

[YourResponseHere]

11.WhatmightbeonespecificmessagefromyourfamilyoforiginthatGodhasrevealedtoyoutodaythatyouwanttochangeaspartofyour“hardworkofdiscipleship”?

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION3

Readchapter4of thebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality, “Journey through theWall.”Use the spaceprovided tonoteanyinsightsorquestionsyoumightwanttobringtothenextgroupsession.

PrayerfullyreadWeek3ofthedevotionalEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDay,“GoingBackinOrdertoGoForward.”UsethespaceprovidedtoanswertheQuestionstoConsiderand/ortojournalyourthoughtseachday.

WhatinvitationmightGodbeofferingtoyououtofthefailuresandpainofyourpast?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatheavy“raft”mightyoubecarryingasyouseektoclimbthemountainsGodhasplacedbeforeyou?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatfalseselfareyoustrugglingwiththatChristwantsyoutodieto,sothatyoucantrulylive?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatmostimpactsyoufromthestoryaboutFrancis?HowisGodspeakingtoyouthroughthat?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatwoulditlooklikeforyoutosurrenderthepainsofyourpast(mistakes,sins,setbacks,anddisappointments)toGodtoday?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatpainsinyourlifearewaitingtobeacknowledgedandgrieved?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatspaceintheworld(forwhichthepasthaspreparedyou)iswaitingtobefilledbyyou?

[YourResponseHere]

Canyounamewaysinwhichyoulearnedthepainofothersbysufferingyourownpain?

[YourResponseHere]

HowmightthewordsfromExodus14:14–15—“TheLORDwillfightforyou,youneedonlytobestill”and“moveon”—applytoyoutoday?

[YourResponseHere]

InPsalm131:1,Davidprays:“Idonotconcernmyselfwithgreatmattersorthingstoowonderfulforme.”Howdoyouhearthesewords?

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION4

JourneythroughtheWall

EmotionallyhealthyspiritualityrequiresthatyougothroughthepainoftheWall—or,astheancientscalledit,“thedarknightofthesoul.”Justasaphysicalwallstopsusfrommovingahead,GodsometimesstopsusinourspiritualjourneythroughaspiritualWall inorder to radically transformour character.Often,wearebrought to theWall by circumstances and crisesbeyondourcontrol.

Regardless of howwe get there, every follower of Jesus at some pointwill confront theWall. Failure to understand andsurrendertoGod’sworkinginusattheWalloftenresultsingreatlong-termpain,ongoingimmaturity,andconfusion.ReceivingthegiftofGodintheWall,however,transformsourlivesforever.

[YourResponseHere]

2.Inthisseasonofyourlife,whatisthegreatestobstaclethatyouface?Explain.

[YourResponseHere]

VIDEO:JourneythroughtheWall(13minutes)

[YourResponseHere]

Starters(15minutes)ReadaloudthefollowingexcerptfromthebookEmotionallyHealthySpiritualitybeforeansweringquestion3.

Formostofus,theWallappearsthroughacrisisthatturnsourworldupsidedown.Itcomes,perhaps,throughadivorce,ajobloss,thedeathofaclosefriendorfamilymember,acancerdiagnosis,adisillusioningchurchexperience,abetrayal,ashattereddream,awaywardchild,acaraccident,aninabilitytogetpregnant,adeepdesiretomarrythatremainsunfulfilled,aspiritualdrynessoralossofjoyinourrelationshipwithGod.Wequestionourselves,God,andthechurch.Wediscoverforthefirsttimethatourfaithdoesnotappearto“work.”Wehavemorequestionsthananswersastheveryfoundationofourfaithfeelslikeitisontheline.Wedon’tknowwhereGodis,whatheisdoing,whereheisgoing,howheisgettingusthere,orwhenthiswillbeover....It(theWall)isnotsimplyaone-timeeventthatwepassthroughandgetbeyond.ItappearstobesomethingwereturntoaspartofourongoingrelationshipwithGod.(pp.101–102,UpdatedEdition)

3.IfyouhavebeenthroughaWall,brieflyshareonewayitimpactedyouandyourviewofGod.

[YourResponseHere]

BibleStudy:Genesis22:1–14(35minutes)ReadaloudtheintroductoryparagraphandScripturepassage,andthendiscussthequestionsthatfollow.

Abraham,inhisearthlypilgrimagewithGod,appearedtogothroughanumberofWalls.Hisgreatestone,however,camewhenGodaskedhimtodotheunthinkable—tokillhisonlysonIsaac.ReadGenesis22:1–14:

1SometimelaterGodtestedAbraham.Hesaidtohim,“Abraham!”“HereIam,”hereplied.2ThenGodsaid,“Takeyourson,youronlyson,whomyoulove—Isaac—andgototheregionofMoriah.Sacrificehim

thereasaburntofferingonamountainIwillshowyou.”3EarlythenextmorningAbrahamgotupandloadedhisdonkey.HetookwithhimtwoofhisservantsandhissonIsaac.

Whenhehadcutenoughwoodfortheburntoffering,hesetoutfortheplaceGodhadtoldhimabout.4OnthethirddayAbrahamlookedupandsawtheplaceinthedistance.5Hesaidtohisservants,“StayherewiththedonkeywhileIandtheboygooverthere.Wewillworshipandthenwewillcomebacktoyou.”

6AbrahamtookthewoodfortheburntofferingandplaceditonhissonIsaac,andhehimselfcarriedthefireandtheknife.Asthetwoofthemwentontogether,7IsaacspokeupandsaidtohisfatherAbraham,“Father?”

“Yes,myson?”Abrahamreplied.“Thefireandwoodarehere,”Isaacsaid,“butwhereisthelambfortheburntoffering?”8Abrahamanswered,“Godhimselfwillprovidethelambfortheburntoffering,myson.”Andthetwoofthemwenton

together.9WhentheyreachedtheplaceGodhadtoldhimabout,Abrahambuiltanaltarthereandarrangedthewoodonit.He

boundhissonIsaacandlaidhimonthealtar,ontopofthewood.10Thenhereachedouthishandandtooktheknifetoslayhisson.11ButtheangeloftheLORDcalledouttohimfromheaven,“Abraham!Abraham!”

“HereIam,”hereplied.12“Donotlayahandontheboy,”hesaid.“Donotdoanythingtohim.NowIknowthatyoufearGod,becauseyou

havenotwithheldfrommeyourson,youronlyson.”13Abraham lookedup and there in a thicket he saw a ramcaught by its horns.Hewent over and took the ramand

sacrificeditasaburntofferinginsteadofhisson.14SoAbrahamcalledthatplaceTheLORDWillProvide.Andtothisdayitissaid,“OnthemountainoftheLORDitwillbeprovided.”

4.Howwouldyouhearthewordsinverse2:“Takeyourson,youronlyson,whomyoulove...sacrificehim”?

[YourResponseHere]

5.Whataspectsof“thedarknight”mighthavebeentormentingAbraham’ssoulasheboundhissonIsaacandlaidhimonthealtar?(ex.:weariness,senseoffailure,defeat,emptiness,dryness,unbelief,guilt,disillusionment,abandonmentbyGod)

[YourResponseHere]

6.Inlightofthisstory,howisyourimage(oridea)ofGodchallenged?

[YourResponseHere]

7.WhataresomepossiblereasonsyouhaveahardtimeacceptingandmovingthroughWalls?(Note:Speakinthe“I.”)

[YourResponseHere]

8.InordertogrowinChrist,everybelievermustgothroughWalls,or“darknightsofthesoul.”ThisisGod’swayofrewiringand“purgingouraffectionsandpassions”thatwemightdelightinhisloveandenterintoaricher,fullercommunionwithhim.Inthiswayhefreesusfromunhealthyattachmentsandidolatriesoftheworld.Howmightthislargerperspectiveserveasanencouragementtoyoutoday?

[YourResponseHere]

9.ThisWallgaveAbrahamarevelationofGodthatwouldchangehimandhisrelationshipwithGodforever.HecametoknowGodasProviderineventhemostdesperateofsituations(v.14).HowmightthisencourageyouinanycurrentWallsyouarefacing?

[YourResponseHere]

Takeabout5minutestocompletequestion10onyourown.

10.WhenGodtakesusthroughaWall,wearechanged.ThefollowingarefourprimarycharacteristicsoflifefoundontheothersideoftheWall.

AgreaterlevelofbrokennessAgreaterappreciationforholyunknowing(mystery)AdeeperabilitytowaitonGodAgreaterdetachment(fromtheworld)

Journalingcanbeapowerful tool tohelpclarifyareasof lifewhereGoddesires tobringtransformation.It illuminateswhat isgoingoninsideofus.Fewtoolsgetustothe“issuebeneaththeissue”likejournaling.

Chooseonecharacteristic fromtheabove listwhereyousenseGod isseeking towork inyounow.Use thespaceprovided tojournalyourthoughtsandfeelingsregardinghowGodisbirthingsomethingnewinyouand/orhelpingyoushedincompleteorimmatureideasabouthim.

[YourResponseHere]

11.FormgroupsoftwoandsharehowyousenseGodmightbeworkinginyounow.

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION4

Read chapter 5 of the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, “Enlarge Your Soul through Grief and Loss.” Use the spaceprovidedtonoteanyinsightsorquestionsyoumightwanttobringtothenextgroupsession.

Prayerfully readWeek4of thedevotionalEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDay, “Journey through theWall.”Use thespaceprovidedtoanswertheQuestionstoConsiderand/ortojournalyourthoughtseachday.

WhatdoesitmeanforyoutotrustintheslowworkofGodtoday?

[YourResponseHere]

Whattreasuresmighttherebeinsuch“darkness”ordifficultiesinyourownlifetoday?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatmightbesomeunhealthyattachmentsor“idols”Godwantstoremovefromyourlifeinordertoleadyoutodeeper,richercommunionwithhim?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatthingsorpeopleareyourootingyouridentityinthatGodmaywanttodigupsothatyouridentitymightbereplantedinhim?

[YourResponseHere]

Haveyouexperiencedany“terrible”circumstancesthat(intime)actuallyturnedouttobearichblessing?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatwordsorphrasesfromtheRichardRohrquotemostspeaktoyou?Why?

[YourResponseHere]

HowisGodinvitingyoutowaitonhimtoday?

[YourResponseHere]

In your ownwords, speak toGod about yourwillingness to gowhere he leads you.What joys and/or fears accompany yourwillingness?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatisonethingGodmightwantyoutounlearntoday?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatwordsspeaktoyoumostfromtheprayerfoundinthemidday/eveningOfficeofWeek4?Why?

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION5

EnlargeYourSoulthroughGriefandLoss

Lossisaplacewhereself-knowledgeandpowerfultransformationcanhappen—ifwehavethecouragetoparticipatefullyintheprocess.

We all facemany “deaths”within our lives.Our culture routinely interprets these losses andgriefs as alien invasions andinterruptionstoour“normal”lives.Thechoiceiswhetherthesedeathswillbeterminal(crushingourspiritandlife)orwillopenusuptonewpossibilitiesanddepthsoftransformationinChrist.

[YourResponseHere]

2.Asyouweregrowingup,howdidyoudealwithyourdisappointments?Giveoneexample.

[YourResponseHere]

VIDEO:EnlargeYourSoulthroughGriefandLoss(13minutes)

[YourResponseHere]

Starters(15minutes)3.Brieflyshareonelossyouhaveexperiencedthispastyear.Howhasthislossimpactedyou?

[YourResponseHere]

BibleStudy:Matthew26:36–44(35minutes)ReadaloudtheintroductoryparagraphandScripturepassage,andthendiscussthequestionsthatfollow.

TheendofJesus’vibrant,popular,earthlylifeandministrywasanenormouslosstohisdisciplesandfollowers.Itwasalso,asweshallsee,anenormouslossforJesus.ReadMatthew26:36–44:

36ThenJesuswentwithhisdisciplestoaplacecalledGethsemane,andhesaidtothem,“SitherewhileIgooverthereandpray.”37HetookPeterandthetwosonsofZebedeealongwithhim,andhebegantobesorrowfulandtroubled.38Thenhesaidtothem,“Mysoulisoverwhelmedwithsorrowtothepointofdeath.Stayhereandkeepwatchwithme.”

39Goingalittlefarther,hefellwithhisfacetothegroundandprayed,“MyFather,ifitispossible,maythiscupbetakenfromme.YetnotasIwill,butasyouwill.”

40Thenhereturnedtohisdisciplesandfoundthemsleeping.“Couldn’tyoumenkeepwatchwithmeforonehour?”heaskedPeter.41“Watchandpraysothatyouwillnotfallintotemptation.Thespiritiswilling,butthefleshisweak.”

42Hewentawayasecondtimeandprayed,“MyFather,ifitisnotpossibleforthiscuptobetakenawayunlessIdrinkit,mayyourwillbedone.”

43Whenhecameback,heagainfoundthemsleeping,becausetheireyeswereheavy.44Soheleftthemandwentawayoncemoreandprayedthethirdtime,sayingthesamething.

4.Followingisalistofcommondefensesweoftenusetoprotectourselvesfromgriefandloss.Checkmarkthecommondefensesthatyousometimesuse:

DenialMinimizing(admittingsomethingiswrongbutinsuchawaythatitappearslessseriousthanitactuallyis)Blamingothers(orGod)“Over-spiritualizing”BlamingoneselfRationalizing(offeringexcusesandjustifications)Intellectualizing(givinganalysisandtheoriestoavoidpersonalawarenessordifficultfeelings)DistractingBecominghostileMedicating(withunhealthyaddictionsorattachmentstonumbourpain)

5.ItisimportantforustorememberthatJesuswasbothfullyhumanandfullyGod.SpendafewmomentsfocusingonJesusinverses36–41. In contrast to the checklist inquestion4,whatwere someof thewayshedealtwith andmoved throughhislosses?

[YourResponseHere]

6.WhataboutJesus’exampleofgrievingmostspeakstoyouaboutembracingyourowngriefandloss?

[YourResponseHere]

Take5–7minutesonyourowntojournalyouranswerstoquestions7–9below.

7.Usingthechartthatfollows,choosetwoorthreeagerangesofyourlife,andwritedownyoursignificantlossesduringthoseyears.

GRIEFCHARTAge(inyears) Losses/DisappointmentsExperienced YourResponseattheTime

3–12

13–18

19–25

26–40

8.Whatwastheexperienceoffillingoutthechartlikeforyou?Diditrevealanythingnewtoyou?Explain.

[YourResponseHere]

9.OneofthecentralmessagesofChristianityisthatsufferinganddeathbringresurrectionandnewlife.Arethereanylossesyouhavenotyetembracedwherenewlifeisstillwaitingtobebirthed?

[YourResponseHere]

10.Breakintogroupsoftwoorthreepeopleandshareyouranswerstoquestions8and9.

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION5

Readchapter6ofthebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality,“DiscovertheRhythmsoftheDailyOfficeandSabbath.”Usethespaceprovidedtonoteanyinsightsorquestionsyoumightwanttobringtothenextgroupsession.

PrayerfullyreadWeek5ofthedevotionalEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDay,“EnlargeYourSoulthroughGriefandLoss.”UsethespaceprovidedtoanswertheQuestionstoConsiderand/ortojournalyourthoughtseachday.

Whatdoesitmeanforyoutopray,“YetnotasIwill,butasyouwill”?

[YourResponseHere]

HowcanyouseeGodenlargingyoursoulthroughyourlosses?

[YourResponseHere]

InwhatwaysisGodbringingyoutoyourkneesbeforehimthroughdifficultiesandsetbacksinyourlifetoday?

[YourResponseHere]

WhataboutHoratioSpaffordandhisrelationshipwithChristmovesyouthemost?

[YourResponseHere]

What“roadclosed”signisbeforeyoutodaythatmaybeGod’swayofredirectingyoutosomethingnew?

[YourResponseHere]

NameoneortwolimitsGodhasplacedinyourlifetodayasagift.

[YourResponseHere]

Whatmightitmeanforyoutomaturebyenteringthepainfulrealityofyourlossesratherthanavoidingthem?

[YourResponseHere]

HowwoulditchangeyourprayerlifetobringtoGodwhatisactuallyinyouandnotwhatyouthinkoughttobeinyou?

[YourResponseHere]

Inwhatway(s)areyoutemptedtospinorcoveroveryourlossesandmissGod’sdeeperworkinyourinterior?

[YourResponseHere]

HowisGodcomingtoyouthroughthe“mini-deaths”inyourlifenow?

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION6

DiscovertheRhythmsoftheDailyOfficeandSabbath

ManyofusareeagertodevelopourrelationshipwithGod.Theproblem,however,isthatwecan’tseemtostoplongenoughtobewithhim.Andifwearen’tbusy,wefeelguiltythatwearewastingtimeandnotbeingproductive.Itislikebeingaddicted—nottodrugsoralcohol—buttotasks,work,anddoing.

But God is offering us a way to deeply root our lives in him. This can be found in two ancient disciplines going backthousandsofyears—theDailyOfficeandSabbath.Whenplacedinsidepresent-dayChristianity,theDailyOfficeandSabbatharegroundbreaking,counterculturalactsthatgoagainstthegrainofourfast-pacedWesternculture.

StoppingfortheDailyOfficeandSabbathisnotmeanttoaddanother“to-do”toouralreadybusyschedules.Itistheresettingofourentirelivestowardanewdestination—Godhimself.ThesepracticesenableustostayattunedtoGod’spresencethroughoutourdaysandweeks.

[YourResponseHere]

2.Onascaleof1to10(1=leastbusyto10=verybusy),howbusyareyou?Andwhereonthescalewouldyouliketobe?

[YourResponseHere]

VIDEO:DiscovertheRhythmsoftheDailyOfficeandSabbath(13minutes)

[YourResponseHere]

Starters(10minutes)3.Whatisonepracticeyoudoonadaily/weeklybasisthathelpsyoustayconnectedtoGod?

[YourResponseHere]

BibleStudy:Daniel6:6–10;Exodus20:1–17(35minutes)Read aloud the introductory paragraph and the Daniel passage, and then answer questions 4–6. Then read aloud the TenCommandmentsfromExodus20:1–17beforeansweringquestions7–9.

After being forcibly removed from his country and home, Daniel was given a prestigious education and high-level job ingovernment.Thepressureonhimtoconformtotheworldly,paganvaluesofBabylonwasgreat.ThefollowingexamplegivesusinsightintooneofthesecretsofhisfaithfuldevotiontoGod.ReadDaniel6:6–10.

6 So these administrators and satrapswent as a group to the king and said: “MayKingDarius live forever!7The royaladministrators,prefects,satraps,advisersandgovernorshaveallagreedthatthekingshouldissueanedictandenforcethedecreethatanyonewhopraystoanygodorhumanbeingduringthenextthirtydays,excepttoyou,YourMajesty,shallbethrown into the lions’ den.8 Now,YourMajesty, issue the decree and put it inwriting so that it cannot be altered—inaccordancewiththelawoftheMedesandPersians,whichcannotberepealed.”9SoKingDariusputthedecreeinwriting.

10NowwhenDaniellearnedthatthedecreehadbeenpublished,hewenthometohisupstairsroomwherethewindowsopenedtowardJerusalem.Threetimesadayhegotdownonhiskneesandprayed,givingthankstohisGod,justashehaddonebefore.

4.Rereadverse10aloud.Howdothewordsinthisversespeaktoyou?

[YourResponseHere]

5.HowdoyouthinkthispracticeanchoredDanielinGodandenabledhimtoresistthegreatpressurehewasfacing?

[YourResponseHere]

6.WhatarethegreatestobstaclespreventingyoufromstoppingtobewithGodonceortwiceaday?

[YourResponseHere]

ThesearetheTenCommandmentsasrecordedinExodus20:1–17:

1AndGodspokeallthesewords:2“IamtheLORDyourGod,whobroughtyououtofEgypt,outofthelandofslavery.3“Youshallhavenoothergodsbeforeme.4“Youshallnotmakeforyourselfanimageintheformofanythinginheavenaboveorontheearthbeneathorinthe

watersbelow....7“YoushallnotmisusethenameoftheLORDyourGod,fortheLORDwillnotholdanyoneguiltlesswhomisuseshis

name.8“RemembertheSabbathdaybykeepingitholy.9Sixdaysyoushalllaboranddoallyourwork,10buttheseventhday

isaSabbathtotheLORDyourGod.Onityoushallnotdoanywork,neitheryou,noryoursonordaughter,noryourmaleorfemaleservant,noryouranimals,noranyforeignerresidinginyourtowns.11ForinsixdaystheLORDmadetheheavensandtheearth,thesea,andallthatisinthem,butherestedontheseventhday.Therefore,theLORDblessedtheSabbathdayandmadeitholy.

12“Honoryourfatherandyourmother,sothatyoumaylivelonginthelandtheLORDyourGodisgivingyou.13“Youshallnotmurder.14“Youshallnotcommitadultery.15“Youshallnotsteal.16“Youshallnotgivefalsetestimonyagainstyourneighbor.17“Youshallnotcovetyourneighbor’shouse.Youshallnotcovetyourneighbor’swife,orhismaleorfemaleservant,

hisoxordonkey,oranythingthatbelongstoyourneighbor.”

7. Reread the fourth commandment in verses 8–11. Biblical Sabbaths are a 24-hour block of time each week with fourcharacteristics(seenextpage)thatdistinguishthistimefroma“dayoff.”

Stop:“Tostop”isbuiltintotheliteralmeaningoftheHebrewword.Wehavelimits.Godisonthethronerunningtheworld.Wearecalledtoletgoandtrusthim.Rest:Oncewestop,wearecalledtorestfromourworkandour“doings.”Delight:Wearetoslowdownsowecanenjoywhatwehavebeengiven.Contemplate:Weseektoseetheinvisibleinthevisible—torecognizethehiddenwaysthemiracleoflifeisallaround

usinhisgiftstous.

What24-hourperiodmightworkforyouatthisphaseofyourjourneytopracticeSabbath?

[YourResponseHere]

8.Whatdoyouneedtostopthatrelatestoyourwork—paidandunpaid?

[YourResponseHere]

9.Whatactivities,places,and/orpeoplecreaterestanddelightforyou?

[YourResponseHere]

10.Reviewthe“SabbathFAQs”onpages88–91.Pickonequestionfromamongthatlist.Ingroupsoftwoorthree,discusswithoneanothertheresponsetoyourquestion.

11.Inthespaceprovided,takeafewminutestojournalonesmallstepyoucantaketobegintoincorporateSabbathasaspiritualformationpractice?

[YourResponseHere]

12.Sharethatstepwithoneotherperson.

[YourResponseHere]

SabbathFAQs

1.WhydoIneedtokeepSabbathforawhole24-hourperiodeachweek?

Godcreatedusinhisimageforarhythmofworkandrest.Whenweviolatethatrhythm,wedoviolencetoourownsouls.Moreover,wearenotdefinedbywhatwedoorwhatweproduce.WearedefinedbyGod’sunconditional love for us inChrist Jesus.Therefore,we don’t keepSabbath to earnGod’s love.Rather,SabbathisGod’sgifttokeepuscenteredandrootedinthatamazingreality.ItisnotanaccidentthatthisessentialspiritualformationpracticeisfoundinthefourthcommandmentoftheTenCommandments.

2.HowdoIgoaboutdecidingwhatspecificactivitiesareacceptableandunacceptableontheSabbath?

ReflectonthefollowingquestionsasyousortoutGod’spathwayforyou:

•WhatdoIneedtostopthatrelatestomywork—paidandunpaid?•Whatactivitiescreatedelightandrestforme?•HowcanIstructuremydaytocultivateagreaterawarenessofGodinmylifeandintheworld?•WhatmighthelpmeseeGod’sgoodnessandmiraclesallaroundmetoday?

LynneBaab says, “Whateverwe choose todo forSabbathneeds togiveus rest and life over time.Thechallengeisdiscernment,experimentingtofindwhatworksforusandthepeoplewelove,whathelpsuscatchourbreathandrememberwhoweareasGod’sbeloved.”

3.DoIneedaday-offandaSabbath?

Youwillneedatleastahalf–day,orseveralhours,toprepareforSabbath.PartoftheSabbathexperienceisthepreparationtime.Whatneeds tohappenbeforeSabbathstartssoyou(oryourfamily)canexperiencetruerestonthedayitself?AbasiclistofwhatneedstogetdonebeforeSabbathstartsmightincludegettingthe errands and chores of life done (e.g., food shopping, laundry, errands, cleaning the house, bringingclosure to your work, final phone calls, paying bills). These things make Sabbath more restful andcommunicatetheorderandpeacemanyofuslongfor.

4.WhatdoIdoaboutmytendencytoperfectionism?

Wedon’tevergetSabbath“right.”SabbathisadaytoletgoofperfectionismandletGodruntheuniverse.Inconsistencies, bad choices, and learning fromourmistakes are part of the point.Do your best to stopworking,lettingGodworryaboutwhatyou’renotdoingright,takingyourfocusoffyourselfsoyoucanrestinhim.

5.Isn’tJesusourSabbath-rest?Isthisanotherworks-righteousness?

JesusreinforcedthegiftofSabbathamidalltheabusesofhisday.Heremindsus,“TheSabbathwasmadefor people, not people for the Sabbath” (Mark 2:27). To keep Sabbath is to exercise one’s freedom, todeclareoneself tobeneither a tool tobe “employed”nor abeast tobeburdened.Sabbath-keeping is aninvitationtorestbecauseGodrested.Thisrestservesasasignofcontemplationandabundance.God’sgiftstohumanityaresogenerousthatweareabletorest.OurrestindicatesthatwedependcompletelyontheGodwhoredeemedusfromsin,death,andevil.

6.HowdoIceasefromtheworkofparenting?

Youcannotstopchangingdiapers,ofcourse.Butyoucanceasefromtidyingup,cooking,doinglaundry,andrunningerrands.Youcandosomethingstogetherasafamily.Youcanhireababysitter,soyouandyourspousecangettimealone.Oryoucantaketimealoneforyourself,leavingparentingtoyourspouse.Then,youtakethechildrenandgiveequaltimetohim/her.

7.WhatdoIdoaboutmychildrenwhoaren’tinterestedinSabbath?

Theimportantthingtorememberisthatthisisnotadayofdeprivation.Sabbathistobeadelight.Ratherthansimplytakingthingsaway,thinkaboutthingsyoucanadd(e.g.,specialdesserts,amovie,acreativefamilyactivity—dependingontheagesofyourchildren).Itdoesn’thavetobeaforcedfamilyday.Ifyour

childrenareolder,theyaregoingtonaturallywanttoconnectwiththeirfriends.Thatisokay.Youwillgothroughmany transitions inkeepingSabbath,dependingonyourchildren’sagesand temperaments.But,whenever possible, remember this is awonderful opportunity to build rhythm, intentionality, and sacredtraditionsintoyourfamily.

8.Whataboutsportsandextracurricularactivitiesmychildrenmaybeinvolvedin?

Theremaybesomeactivitiesyouwanttoeliminatebecauseofthestressinvolved.Buttheremaybeothers(e.g.,ifyourchildlovessoccer)thatyouwillcontinue,butyouwilldosoinadifferentspirit.Youmaygoto the soccer game but you are doing it without multitasking, talking on the phone, reading emails, orreadingwork-relatedpaperworkathalftimeorduringtimeouts.Youcanfocusonenjoyingthegame,otherparents,ortheverygiftofthehumanbodyabletoparticipateinathletics.

9.How,likeJesus,canweexercisecompassionontheSabbathwithoutturningitintowork?

TheJewshavelongbelievedthatshowingcompassionontheSabbathreflectsthegloriousabundanceoftheday.WerestfromworkinordertoturnourheartstowardGod,andGodisalwaysconcernedwithhumanneed.WhenwestopforSabbath,itmayhappenthatwebecomemoreattentivetotheproblemsoftheworldaroundus.Thisultimatelyleadsustoshowmore,notless,compassion.MaybetheGoodSamaritanwasonhis Sabbath! Just be careful that it is not a “should.” Rejoice in small acts of caring, allowing them toconnectustoourcompassionateGod.

10.WhichdayistheSabbath?SundayorSaturday?Ihavehearddifferentviews.

PauladdressesthisveryissueintheJew/Gentile/multiculturalchurchinRomans14:1–8.Hewrites:“Onemanconsidersonedaymoresacred thananother;anotherconsiderseverydayalike.Eachoneshouldbefullyconvincedinhisownmind.Hewhoregardsonedayasspecial,doessototheLord...”Ibelievethekeyprinciple iskeepinga rhythmfor the samedayof theweekeachweek.Doing it around theSundaygatheringofworshipisclearlybestwhenpossible,Ibelieve,asthisispartofourcontemplation.

11.CanIserveatchurchasavolunteer?ShouldIstop?

Yes,youcanserveinyourcommunity.Exceptforavery,veryfew,ourworkisnotatourchurch.Weworkassecretaries,socialworkers,teachers,lawyers,accountants,moms/dadsathome,students,etc.Servinginourchurchcommunityisnotourjob.Hopefully,thereisdelightinservingChristasachildren’sworker,usher,greeter,etc.It isalsoimportant torememberthatshowingmercyandcompassionwasthemissingelementJesusbroughtbackintoGod’soriginalintentionofSabbath-keeping.TreatingpeoplelikeChrist—whetherchildren,youth,oradults—istheheartofwhatweseektodoinourchurches.

SESSION6

Readchapter7ofthebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality,“GrowintoanEmotionallyMatureAdult.”Usethespaceprovidedtonoteanyinsightsorquestionsyoumightwanttobringtothenextgroupsession.

Prayerfully readWeek6of thedevotionalEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDay, “Discover theRhythmsof theDailyOfficeandSabbath.”UsethespaceprovidedtoanswertheQuestionstoConsiderand/ortojournalyourthoughtseachday.

Pauseandconsideryourday.What“seeds”fromGodmightbecomingtoyouthatyoudon’twanttomiss?

[YourResponseHere]

Howdoyouheartheinvitationto“stopandsurrendertoGodintrust”today?

[YourResponseHere]

Whencanyousetasidesometimeforextended,uninterruptedsilencetohearGod?

[YourResponseHere]

HowmightyoubebusierthanGodrequires?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatkeepsyoufromsilence?

[YourResponseHere]

Howdotherhythmsyouseeinnature(spring,summer,fall,winter,day,night)speaktoyouaboutthekindofrhythmsyoudesireforyourownlife?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatisyourgreatestfearinstoppingfora24-hourperiodeachweek?

[YourResponseHere]

HowmightSabbath-keeping(foranentire24-hourperiod)oraDailyOffice(amini-Sabbathforafewminutes)provideforyouatasteofeternity?

[YourResponseHere]

HowwillyouallowGodto leadyou to the“quietwaters”of rest thisweekso thatyouexperiencehisunconditional loveandacceptance?

[YourResponseHere]

HowmightthetruththatGoddoesn’twanttouseyou,buttoenjoyyou,giveyouavisionforcelebratingSabbath?

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION7

GrowintoanEmotionallyMatureAdult

ThegoaloftheChristianlifeistolovewell.JesuswasawarethattruespiritualityincludednotonlylovingGod,butalsotheskilloflovingothersmaturely.

GrowingintoanemotionallymatureChristianpersonincludesexperiencingeachindividual,ourselvesincluded,assacred,orasMartinBuberputit,asa“Thou”ratherthanan“It.”Becomingemotionallymaturerequireslearning,practicing,andintegratingsuchskillsasspeakingrespectfully,listeningwithempathy,negotiatingconflictfairly,anduncoveringthehiddenexpectationswehaveofothers...justtonameafew.

Aswewillseeintoday’sBiblestudyontheparableoftheGoodSamaritan,bothself-respectandcompassionforothersarepartofaliferootedin“I-Thou”relating.

[YourResponseHere]

2.Asagroup,brainstormtwolists(onawhiteboard,ifoneisavailable):qualitiesthatdescribeemotionalimmaturityandqualitiesthat describe emotional maturity. As you think about these qualities, consider how we treat/view ourselves and how wetreat/viewotherpeople.

EmotionalImmaturity EmotionalMaturity

VIDEO:GrowintoanEmotionallyMatureAdult(13minutes)

[YourResponseHere]

Starters(10minutes)3.Whydo you thinkwe can be committed and “growing” inChrist and yet not be growing in our ability to be “prayerfully

present”orlovingtowardothers?

[YourResponseHere]

BibleStudy:Luke10:25–37(35minutes)ReadtheintroductoryparagraphandScripturepassage,andthendiscussthequestionsthatfollow.

Who can hear a story on the news about someone gettingmugged, robbed, stripped naked, and left for dead in an alleywaywithout being affected?These real-life stories also happened in the days of Jesus.And Jesus told a parable recorded inLuke10:25–37thatimaginesonesuchdisturbingstory—withanunusualtwist.

25OnoneoccasionanexpertinthelawstooduptotestJesus.“Teacher,”heasked,“whatmustIdotoinheriteternallife?”26“WhatiswrittenintheLaw?”hereplied.“Howdoyoureadit?”27Heanswered,“‘LovetheLordyourGodwithallyourheartandwithallyoursoulandwithallyourstrengthandwith

allyourmind’;and,‘Loveyourneighborasyourself.’”28“Youhaveansweredcorrectly,”Jesusreplied.“Dothisandyouwilllive.”29Buthewantedtojustifyhimself,soheaskedJesus,“Andwhoismyneighbor?”30 In reply Jesus said: “Amanwas going down from Jerusalem to Jericho,when hewas attacked by robbers. They

strippedhimofhisclothes,beathimandwentaway,leavinghimhalfdead.31Apriesthappenedtobegoingdownthesameroad,andwhenhesawtheman,hepassedbyontheotherside.32Sotoo,aLevite,whenhecametotheplaceandsawhim,passedbyontheotherside.33ButaSamaritan,ashetraveled,camewherethemanwas;andwhenhesawhim,hetookpityonhim.34Hewent tohimandbandagedhiswounds,pouringonoilandwine.Thenheput themanonhisowndonkey,broughthimtoaninnandtookcareofhim.35Thenextdayhetookouttwodenariiandgavethemtotheinnkeeper.‘Lookafterhim,’hesaid,‘andwhenIreturn,Iwillreimburseyouforanyextraexpenseyoumayhave.’

36“Whichofthesethreedoyouthinkwasaneighbortothemanwhofellintothehandsofrobbers?”37Theexpertinthelawreplied,“Theonewhohadmercyonhim.”Jesustoldhim,“Goanddolikewise.”

4.AccordingtoMartinBuber,thegreatJewishtheologian,wetreatpeopleasan“It”whenweusethemasmeanstoanendorasobjects.Wetreatpeopleasa“Thou”whenwerecognizeeachpersonasaseparatehumanbeingmadeinGod’simageandtreatthemwithdignityandrespect.3IfyouwerethepriestorLevite,whataresomeofthereasonsyoumayhavepassedbythismanandtreatedhimasan“It”insteadofa“Thou”?

[YourResponseHere]

5.Lookbackatverses31–33.WhatdidtheSamaritanseeandfeelthatthepriestandLevitedidnot?

[YourResponseHere]

6.Onyourown,journalyourthoughtsonthefollowingquestionsfortwominutes.Thenhaveoneortwovolunteerssharetheirresponses.

•Canyouthinkofatimewhenyouwereseeninanegativelight,treatedasinferior,orpassedoverasinvisible?Howdiditfeel?

[YourResponseHere]

•Whohaveyoubeentaughtnottosee(i.e.,totreatasan“It”)?

[YourResponseHere]

7.Rereadverses33–36.TheSamaritan’scompassionledhimtostopandhelp thehurtingman.At thesametime,howdidhedemonstrateself-respectandawarenessofhislimits?

[YourResponseHere]

8.Whataresomeofyourchallengeswhenitcomestolovingyourneighborandlovingyourself?

[YourResponseHere]

9.InlightofhowGodiscomingtoyouthroughthisstudy,howdoyouhearthewordsinverse37to“goanddolikewise”?

[YourResponseHere]

Application4(25minutes)

Readaloudtheintroductoryparagraphsbelow.Answerquestions10and11onyourown.Then,ingroupsoftwoorthree,answerquestion12andcloseinprayer.

Onewayofgrowingin theareaof lovingotherswell,andtreatingourselvesandothersasa“Thou,” is tounderstandhowwemanageourexpectationsinrelationships.

EXPECTATIONS are ASSUMPTIONS about what someone SHOULD do. Every time we make an assumption aboutsomeone without checking it out, it is likely we are treating them as an “It” and not a “Thou.” Why? We are jumping toconclusionswithouthavingcheckedout theassumption.Considerhowyoufeelwhensomeone isangrywithyoubecauseyoudidn’tfulfilltheirexpectations,yettheynevercommunicatedthisexpectationtoyou.Theysimplyassumedyoushouldknow.

Unmetandunclearexpectationscancreatehavocinourplacesofemployment,classrooms,friendships,datingrelationships,marriages,sports teams,families,andchurches.Weexpectotherpeople toknowwhatwewantbeforewesayit.Theproblemwithmostexpectationsisthattheyare:

Unconscious:Wemayhaveexpectationswe’renotevenawareofuntilwearedisappointedbysomeone.Unrealistic:WemaydevelopunrealisticexpectationsbywatchingTV,movies,orotherpeople/resourcesthatgivefalseimpressions.Unspoken: We may have never told our spouse, friend, or employee what we expect, yet we are angry when our“expectations”arenotmet.Un-agreedupon:Wemayhavehadourownthoughtsaboutwhatwasexpected,butthosethoughtswereneveragreeduponbytheotherperson.

10.Thinkofarecent,simpleexpectationthatwentunmetandmadeyouangryordisappointed.(Ex.:Iexpectedmyhusbandtoaccompanyme tomyofficeparty thispastweekend; I expected to socializewithmembersofmy smallgroupoutside themeetingtimes;Iexpectedmyteenagerstoputtheirdirtydishesinthedishwasher;Iexpectedmybosstogivemeatleasta5percentcostoflivingraiselastyear.)Writeyoursdown.

[YourResponseHere]

11.Nowcomparethatunmetexpectationwiththeinventoryquestionsbelow:

•Conscious:Wereyouconscious(aware)youhadthisexpectation?

[YourResponseHere]

•Realistic:Istheexpectationrealisticregardingtheotherperson?

[YourResponseHere]

•Spoken:Haveyouclearlyspokentheexpectationtothemordoyoujustthink“theyshouldknow”?

[YourResponseHere]

•Agreedupon:Hastheotherpersonagreedtotheexpectation?

[YourResponseHere]

Rememberthisprinciple:Expectationsareonlyvalidwhentheyhavebeenmutuallyagreedupon.Thesearetheexpectationswehavearighttoexpect.

12.Breakintogroupsoftwoorthreeandrespondtothefollowingtwoquestions:

•Whatdidyoudiscoveraboutyourexpectations?

[YourResponseHere]

•Whatstep(s)canyoutaketomakeyourexpectationsconscious,spoken,realistic,andagreeduponsothatyouarerelatinginan“I-Thou”way?

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION7

Readchapter8of thebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality, “Go theNextStep toDevelopa ‘RuleofLife.’ ”Use the spaceprovidedtonoteanyinsightsorquestionsyoumightwanttobringtothenextgroupsession.

Prayerfully readWeek 7 of the devotionalEmotionallyHealthy SpiritualityDay byDay, “Grow into an EmotionallyMatureAdult.”UsethespaceprovidedtoanswertheQuestionstoConsiderand/ortojournalyourthoughtseachday.

What is one step you can take to place yourself (with all your flaws) in the hands of Jesus, inviting him tomold you into aspirituallyandemotionallymaturedisciple?

[YourResponseHere]

Howcanyou“practicethepresenceofpeople,”withinanawarenessofhispresencetoday?

[YourResponseHere]

WhichwordsfromHenriNouwen’squotationabouttheprodigalsonspeaktoyou?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatisthebiggestchallengeyoufaceinbeingstillbeforetheLord?

[YourResponseHere]

HowcanyoubegintoseeJesusChristinthepeopleyoumeetthisweek?

[YourResponseHere]

Takeafewmomentsandconsiderthepeopleyouwillencountertoday.Whatmightitlooklikeforyoutoslowdownandtreateachoneasa“Thou”ratherthanan“It”?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatsometimesdistractsyoufromseeingthepeopleyouarewithastheyreallyare?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatmightbeonewayyoucanletgoofpowerandcontrol,and,inlove,choosetoservesomeonetoday?

[YourResponseHere]

IstheresomeoneGodiscallingyoutostopjudging?Whatmightitlookliketoblessandextendmercytothem?

[YourResponseHere]

Whereareyouexperiencingtensionsinrelationshipsthatyouareafraidtodisrupt?

[YourResponseHere]

SESSION8

GotheNextSteptoDevelopa“RuleofLife”

Ifweare tonurtureaheart that treatseveryperson,ourselves included,asa“Thou” insteadof“It,”weneed tobe intentionalaboutourlives.ByorderingourlivestocontemplatetheloveofChristandtoreceivetheloveofChrist,wewillbeabletogivethe love of Christ away to others. In this way, he transforms our lives into a gift to our families, friends, coworkers, andcommunities.

Theproblemagain,however,isourbusynessandlackofintentionality.Often,wefindourselvesunfocused,distracted,andspirituallyadrift.Fewofushaveaconsciousplanforintentionallydevelopingourspirituallives.

Nurturingagrowingspiritualityinourpresent-dayculturecallsforathoughtful,conscious,purposefulplan.Todothiswellrequiresustouncoveranotherancientburiedtreasure—a“RuleofLife.”

[YourResponseHere]

2.Beforewelaunchfullyintoourfinalsession,itisimportantthatwepauseandconsiderthepastsevensessions:

TheProblemofEmotionallyUnhealthySpirituality(Saul—emotionallyunawareandnotcultivatinghisrelationshipwithGod)KnowYourselfThatYouMayKnowGod(David—courageouslylivingoutofhistrueself)GoingBackinOrdertoGoForward(Joseph—transformedbyaverydifficultpast)JourneythroughtheWall(Abraham—trustingGodina“darknightofthesoul”)EnlargeYourSoulthroughGriefandLoss(JesusinGethsemane—embracingGod’swill)DiscovertheRhythmsoftheDailyOfficeandSabbath(Daniel—anchoringhimselfinGod)GrowintoanEmotionallyMatureAdult(TheGoodSamaritan—modelingan“I-Thou”hearttoothers)

InlightofhowGodhasbeencomingtoyouthroughoutthesesessions,completethefollowingsentence(andthenbrieflysharewiththegroupastimepermits):

Iambeginningtorealize...

VIDEO:GotheNextSteptoDevelopa“RuleofLife”(13minutes)

[YourResponseHere]

Starters(10minutes)3.Takeabout5minutestothinkaboutyourlifeintermsofprayer,rest,work/activity,andrelationships.Ineachbox,writeone

specificthingyouarecurrentlydoingineachofthesefourareastonurtureyourrelationshipwithJesus.Thenbrieflytaketurnssharingyour“nurture”habitswiththegroup.

Prayer Rest

Work/Activity Relationships

BibleStudy:Acts2:42–47(15minutes)Haveavolunteer(s)readtheintroductoryparagraphandScripturepassage,andthendiscussthequestionsthatfollow.

TheRuleofLifewillbeintroducedaswestudythefirstChristiancommunityinthebookofActs.ThewordrulecomesfromtheGreekwordfor“trellis.”Atrellisisatoolthatenablesagrapevinetogetoffthegroundandgrowupward,becomingmorefruitfulandproductive. In thesameway,aRuleofLife isa trellis thathelpsusabide inChristandbecomemorefruitfulspiritually.5ReadActs2:42–47:

42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43

Everyonewasfilledwithaweatthemanywondersandsignsperformedbytheapostles.44Allthebelieversweretogetherandhadeverythingincommon.45Theysoldpropertyandpossessionstogivetoanyonewhohadneed.46Everydaytheycontinued tomeet together in the temple courts.Theybrokebread in their homes and ate togetherwithglad and sincerehearts,47praisingGodandenjoyingthefavorofallthepeople.AndtheLordaddedtotheirnumberdailythosewhowerebeingsaved.

4.InthebookofActs,wearegivenawindowintothelifeofthefirstcommunityofbelieverssoonafterthecomingoftheHolySpiritatPentecostwhenthreethousandpeoplecametofaithinChrist.Whatspeakstoyoufromthispassage?

[YourResponseHere]

5.Basedonthisonepassage,howwouldyoudescribethiscommunity’sRuleofLife?Describetheactivities/disciplinestheyusedtogrowandmatureinChrist.

[YourResponseHere]

Readtheintroductoryparagraphsaswellasquestion6(pages116–117),andanswerquestion6onyourown(15minutes).Thenfollowtheinstructionsprovidedforquestions7and8.

NowitistimeforyoutobegindevelopingyourownpersonalRuleofLife.ThefollowingstoryandquestionsaremeanttohelpyoudiscernwhatmaybegettinginthewayofdevelopingawayoflifethatkeepsyoucloselyconnectedtoGod.

InhisbookAHiddenWholeness,6ParkerPalmerrelatesastoryaboutfarmersintheMidwestwhowouldprepareforblizzardsby tying a rope from the back door of their house out to the barn as a guide to ensure they could return safely home.Theseblizzardscamequicklyandfiercelyandwerehighlydangerous.Whentheirfullforcewasblowing,afarmercouldnotseetheendofhisorherhand.Many froze todeath in thoseblizzards,disorientedby their inability to see.Theywandered incircles, lostsometimesintheirownbackyards.Iftheylosttheirgripontherope,itbecameimpossibleforthemtofindtheirwayhome.Somefrozewithinfeetoftheirownbackdoor,neverrealizinghowclosetheyweretosafety.

Manyofusarewanderingamidsttheblizzardsoflifeandhavelostourwayspiritually.

6.SpendtimealonewithGodaroundthefollowingquestions:•Whatisthenatureofyourblizzardatthistime?

[YourResponseHere]

•Whatcontributestoyourblizzard?Whatdoesitlooklike?Feellike?

[YourResponseHere]

•Whatdoesthatblizzardobscure?Whatgets“lost”?

[YourResponseHere]

•We each need a rope to keep us connected to God. Notice that every rope is actuallymade up of a series of smaller,intertwinedthreads.Inlightofyourlifeatthistime,what“threads”doyouwanttomakeupyourrope(RuleofLife)?

[YourResponseHere]

7.Afteryourtimealone,getintogroupsoftwo.Sharewhatyoudiscoveredinyourtimealone.(10minutes)

8.ReturntoyoursmallgroupandinvitethosewhowouldliketosharehowGodiscomingtothemregardingtheblizzardandtheirownpersonal“RuleofLife”?(13minutes)

[YourResponseHere]

PersonalStudyfortheComingDays

SESSION8

PrayerfullyreadWeek8ofthedevotionalEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDay,“GotheNextSteptoDevelopa‘RuleofLife.’”UsethespaceprovidedtoanswertheQuestionstoConsiderand/ortojournalyourthoughtseachday.

Whatisyourplan,inthemidstofyourbusyday,fornotleavingthenurtureofyourinteriorlifewithGodtochance?

[YourResponseHere]

HowandwhydoyouthinkfindingtimealonewithGodinsilencemight“teachyoueverything”?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatspoketoyouwhenyoureadaboutthelifestyleoftheearlyChristiansinActsandthewaytheysoughttofollowthelifeofJesus?

[YourResponseHere]

Wherecanyoufindthetimeinyourweekto“gazeontheinfinitebeautyofGod”?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatdifferencemightitmakeifyouweretopractice“buildingopenspaces”intoyourlife?

[YourResponseHere]

InwhatwaysmightGodbesearchingforyoutoday—knockingonthedoorofyourlife?

[YourResponseHere]

Whatmightitlooklikeforyouto“runonthepathofGod’scommandments”?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatlinesfromPatrick’sprayerspeaktoyou?Carrytheminyourhearttoday.

[YourResponseHere]

WhatfearsareyoucarryingthatyoucanreleasetoyourAbbaFathertoday?

[YourResponseHere]

WhatmightitlooklikeforGod’slovetoinvadeandfillyou,guidingyoutowhatyoumustdo?

[YourResponseHere]

Leader’sGuide

TheEHSpiritualityCourse,ofwhichthisworkbookisapart,providesanindispensablefoundationtointegratethelarger,deeper,beneath-the-surfacediscipleshipparadigmofEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityintothelifeofyourchurch.

OverviewoftheCourse

TheEHSpiritualityCoursehasbeendesignedandstructuredtoofferahigh-qualityteachingexperienceinalargegroupsettingwhileatthesametimeofferingclosecommunitysupportwithinasmallgroup.

Why?AtNewLifeFellowshipChurchandchurchesaroundtheworld,werealizedthatthiscontentwassocriticalthatitneededto

beofferedinacentralizedformatthatwouldensureahigh-qualityexperienceforparticipants.First,wewantedeverynewcomerandmembertograspourcoreelementsoffollowingJesusinawaythatdeeplytransforms

us. And, secondly, we wanted to ensure the long-term integration of EHS into every aspect of the church. The radical,introductorycallofdiscipleshipfoundintheEHSpiritualityCourseservesasbothanentrypointandanessentialbridgeintothelargerEHSvision.Forthisreason,theEHSpiritualityCourseisofferedatleastoneortwotimesayearinchurches(alongwiththeEHRelationshipsCourse).

TheEHSpiritualityCourse equipsus inadiscipleshipparadigm thatdeeplychangesourrelationshipwithGod.The EHRelationshipsCourse then deeply changesour relationshipwith others. The twoCourses together form the foundation of apowerfuldiscipleshipstrategy.

AtNewLifeFellowshipChurchourdiscipleshipstrategybuildsonthesetwoCourses.Gotowww.emotionallyhealthy.orgtodownloadavarietyofexcellent,freeresourcestohelpyouserveasthePointLeaderofthecourseoraSmallGroupTableLeader.

GeneralGuidelines

1.Besuretoworkthroughtheworkbookcontentbeforeeachsession.Becomingfamiliarwiththematerialandinstructionswillallowyoutocomfortablyleadyourgroup.Youwillalsowanttoreadthecorrespondingchapter(s)oftheEmotionallyHealthySpiritualitybookbeforeeachsession.Ifpossible,werecommendyouwatchthevideosegmentsaswell.

2.ThePointLeader,oranotherappointedperson,willneedtoselectaDailyOfficetoopeneachsession.Theinitial large-groupDailyOffice(forSession1)isparticularlychallengingbecauseitwillbethefirstexposuretosilenceandstillnessformanypeople.Have them turn to the appropriate page in theEHSpiritualityDaybyDaybook and explain to them theelements of the Office before you begin. Refer to the Silence and Stillness guidelines below or display them on aPowerPointslideasabrieforientation.WhiletheOfficemaybedifficultforsomepeople,itwillsetatonefortheCourse’scentralityonbeingwithJesus.SpecificsuggestionsonhowtoleadtheseOfficeseachweek,andwhatyoumightsayeachweekasanintroduction,canbefoundatwww.emotionallyhealthy.org/courses/the-ehs-course/.

3.Haveextracopiesofthisworkbook,theEmotionallyHealthySpiritualitybook,andtheEmotionallyHealthyDaybyDaydevotionalavailableforeachparticipanttopurchaseatthefirsttwosessions.Makescholarshipsavailable,ifpossible,forthosewhoneedfinancialassistance.

4.Eachsession—acombinationofdoingaDailyOfficetogether,thevideopresentationanddiscussion,groupandindividualactivities—willrequire90–120minutestocomplete.Respecteveryonebybeginningandendingontime.

5.Setupthemeetingroominawaythatwillcomfortablyseatallparticipants,preferablyatatablesothateveryonecanseeeachother.Arriveatleast15minutesaheadoftimetogreetgroupmembersindividuallyastheycomein.

6.Thenatureofthismaterialeasilylendsitselftolengthysharing.OneofyourgreatestchallengesastheSmallGroupTableLeader will be to keep the group focused and to share within the time frames allotted for each part of the session.Rememberthateachofthesesessionscouldeasilyhavebeenexpandedintoitsowncourse.Wehavekeptthemtogethertoserve a biblical framework that serves as an introduction into a life with God that goes beyond “tip of the icebergspirituality.”Theimplementationofthesetruthswillinvolvetherestofpeople’slives.

7.Ifyourtablesmallgroupislarge,youmaywanttobreakintosmallergroupsofthreetofourpeoplesothateveryonehasachancetoparticipate.

8.Whenappropriate,itwillbehelpfulifyouleadbyexample—beingvulnerableandopenwithlifeexamplesfromyourownjourney.Remember,weareonlyexpertsonourownjourney.

9.RespectwhereeachpersonisintheirjourneywithChrist.TheHolySpiritwillpromptandleadeachpersondifferentlyandatdifferentpacesthroughthismaterial.Rememberthatpeoplechangeslowly—thatincludesyou!

10.BeingwithJesusisthecoreofTheEHSpiritualityCourse.LearningthepracticeofsilencetolistenandbewithGodtwoorthreetimesadayisthecoredisciplineleadingtoadeeppersonaltransformation.YouwillwanttobesuretofaithfullymeetwithGodeachdayinthesilenceandstillnessusingEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDay:A40DayJourneywiththeDailyOfficeandencourageparticipantstodothesame.

Beginning in Session 2, the following question is asked in the “Growing Connected” section: What obstacles,difficulties,orsuccessesdidyouexperiencewithGodthisweekusingtheEHSpiritualityDaybyDaydevotional?

AdditionalSuggestions7

1.Avoidansweringyourownquestions.Feelfreetorephraseaquestion.2.Encouragemorethanoneanswertoeachquestion.Ask,“Whatdotherestofyouthink?”or“Anyoneelse?”3.Trytobeaffirmingwheneverpossible.Letpeopleknowyouappreciatetheircontributions.4.Trynottorejectananswer.Ifitisclearlywrong,ask,“Whatinthepassageledyoutothatconclusion?”5.Avoidgoingoffontangents.Ifpeoplewanderoffcourse,gentlybringthembacktothesubjectathand.

SpecificGuidelinesforEachSession

SESSION1:TheProblemofEmotionallyUnhealthySpiritualityInadditiontothegeneralguidelines,hereareafewotherkeyitemsforeachsessionthatyoumayfindhelpful.

BeforetheSession

•Readchapter1ofthebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality.•SelectaDailyOfficefromWeek1ofEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDaytobeginthesession.Youwillneed2–3minutestointroducetheideasoftheDailyOfficeandstillness/silence.Seepoint2underGeneralGuidelines,pages124–125.

Introduction

•Besuretoreadaloudthe“SuggestedGuidelinesfortheGroup”(pages11–12)atthefirsttwosessions.

GrowingConnected

•Thisfirst“GrowingConnected”sectionislongerthanmosttoallowtimefortheSuggestedGuidelinestobereviewedandforpeopletogettoknowoneanotherwiththesecondquestion:“Shareyournameandafewwordsaboutwhatmakesyoufeelfullyalive.”Youwillwanttothinkaboutthisbeforehandsoyoucangiveaconcreteexamplefromyourownlife.

BibleStudy

•The command to “totally destroy everything,” includingwomen and children, presents a difficultmoral and theologicalproblem for themodern reader. Shortly after leaving Egypt, the Israelites “weary andworn out” were attacked by theAmalekites (Exodus 17:8–16).AfterGodgrantedhis people victory, he promised to completely destroy theAmalekitesfromthefaceof theearth(seealsoDeuteronomy25:17–18).Now, throughSaul,Goddetermines tocarryouthis threat.Youmay want to mention three reasons for such a command. First, Israel was functioning as an instrument of God’sjudgmentonawicked,utterlysinfulculture.Second,Israelneededtoeliminateallformsoftemptationthatmightcorruptandprevent themfrombeingGod’schosen instrument in theworld.Thisdrasticactionwasneeded tomaintainholiness(Deuteronomy7:1–6;20:16–18).Finally,inHebrewthephrase“totallydestroy”means“todevotetoYahweh.”Thespoils,then,weresurrenderedanddedicatedtoGodandwereinsomewayasacrificetoGod.

•(Question7)Forthosewhohavenotreadthebook,youwillwanttoexplaintheicebergillustrationfoundonpage17ofchapter1ofEmotionallyHealthySpirituality.

SESSION2:KnowYourselfThatYouMayKnowGodInadditiontothegeneralguidelines,herearesomeotherhelpfulitemstonotebysection:

BeforetheSession

•Readchapter2ofthebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality.•SelectaDailyOfficefromWeek2ofEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDaytobeginthesession.Again,takeextratimeasneededtoexplaintheDailyOfficeandstillness/silence.Seepoint2underGeneralGuidelines.

Introduction

•Again,readaloudthe“SuggestedGuidelinesfortheGroup”(pages11–12).

GrowingConnected

• Have copies of theEmotionally Healthy Spirituality CourseWorkbook, theEmotionally Healthy Spirituality book, andEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDaydevotionalavailablefornewcomers.

•(Question1)Thisisthefirsttimeyou’lldebriefonthereadingsfromEHSpiritualityDaybyDaythatthegroupdidthepastweek.Allowtwoorthreepeopletoshare.Werecommendabout7minutesfordebriefingand10minutesforquestion2.

•(Question2)Keepinmindthatthisquestionaboutpeople’sdreamjoboftenofferstothespeaker,aswellasthegroup,aglimpseoftheir“trueself”insurprisingways.

Starters

• Youmaywant to reread the section “DiscoveringGod’sWill andYour Emotions” inEmotionallyHealthySpirituality(pages48–49)forabriefsummaryoftheroleoffeelingsindiscerningGod’swill.

•(Questions3and4)Thisexercisemaybringupsignificantpaininsomeofthemembersofthegroup(ex.:unresolvedanger,sadnessthathasnotbeengrieved,shamethathasbeenmasked).Rememberthatthisisalimitedexercisewithonegoal—tohelppeoplebegintobeawareofhowmuchisgoingoninsideofthem.Thisisnotthetimetofixorgiveadvice.Givingpeople space to express their feelings is a gift enough. If “Pandora’s box” opens for amember of the group, thank thepersonfortheirawarenessandvulnerabilityandletthemknowthatyouwouldbegladtotalkwiththemafterthemeeting,

iftheywouldlike.Itisimportanttorecognizeyourroleasfacilitator/smallgroupleaderandnotaprofessionalcounselor.Insomecases,youmaywanttodirectthemtogetthehelptheyneedbeyondthelimitsofyourgroup.

BibleStudy

•Oneveryhelpfulway toclarify thisprocessofgrowingintoour trueselves inanewwayis throughuseofanewterm:differentiation.Itreferstoaperson’scapacityto“definehisorherownlife’sgoalsandvaluesapartfromthepressuresofthose around them.” The key emphasis of differentiation is the ability to think clearly and carefully as anothermeans,besidesourfeelings,ofknowingourselves.

Itinvolvestheabilitytoseparatewhoyouarefromwhoyouarenot.Thedegreetowhichyouareabletoaffirmyourdistinctvaluesandgoalsapartfromthepressuresaroundyou(separateness),whileremainingclosetopeopleimportanttoyou(togetherness),helpsdetermineyourlevelofdifferentiation.Peoplewhoarehighlydifferentiated—suchasDavidinthisBibleaccount—canchoosehowtheywanttobehavewithoutbeingcontrolledbytheapprovalordisapprovalofothers.Intensity of feelings, high stress, or the anxiety of others around them does not overwhelm their capacity to thinkintelligently.

Ifyouhaveadditionaltimeinyourgroup,youcanaddthefollowingquestion:David’sabilitytohaveasolidsenseofwhohewasandwhohewasn’tinthemidstofgreattrialsandpressureis,in

modern terminology, calleddifferentiation. IfDavid had been less differentiated, howmight he have responded to hisbrothers,toSaul,andtoGoliath?

SESSION3:GoingBackinOrdertoGoForwardInadditiontothegeneralguidelines,herearesomeotherhelpfulitemstonotebysection:

BeforetheSession

•Readchapter3ofthebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality.•SelectaDailyOfficefromWeek3ofEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDaytobeginthesession.

BibleStudy

•(Question6)ThereisnowaywecanknowforsurewhyJosephweeps,butnumerouspossibilitiesexist.PerhapsheweepsbecauseheknowsthatJacobneverleftinstructionsthatheshouldnotharmthebrothers.Maybeherealizesthattheywillneverreallychange;theyarestilllying.OritcouldbethattheyarefinallyadmittingtheirterriblecrueltyandsinsagainstJoseph,andJosephisweepingbecausehispainisfinallyvalidatedoracknowledged.ItcouldbethatthesearetearsofjoyasherealizesthisisthefulfillmentofhisdreamfromGenesis37,orthatallthepainofhislifehasledtothetruthofthismomentwhenhemustmakeamomentousdecisionofwhetherornottoforgive.

Application

•(Question9)Encouragethosewhomayhavedoneworkontheirfamilyoforigininsomeothersetting,orevenfilledoutthechartpriortothegroupmeeting,toprayerfullyponderthisexerciseagain.Godoftensurprisesuswithfreshinsightswhenwehavespacetocontemplatethesemessagesbeforehim.

SESSION4:JourneythroughtheWallInadditiontothegeneralguidelines,herearesomeotherhelpfulitemstonotebysection:

BeforetheSession

Starters

•(Question3) Itusually takesawhile (sometimesa longwhile!) to shareaboutaWall inaperson’s life. In lightofonlyhavinga limited time for thisquestion,youmaywant touse the time to shareaboutaWall thatyou have experienced,modelinghowtodothisinalimitedtimeframe.Wehavefound,attimes,awellthoughtouttestimonycansometimesbebetterthanopensharingatthispoint.Thatmaymean,however,thatonlytwoorthreepeoplewillhavetimetoshare.

BibleStudy

•(Question7)Weoftencarrywithinusinaccuratebeliefs,or ideas,aboutGod.Forexample,wetake“TakedelightintheLORDandhewillgiveyouthedesiresofyourheart”(Psalm37:4)tomeanthatifwearedoingallwethinkGodwants,thenonlygoodthingswillfollow.TheproblemisthatthiscontradictsotherScripturessuchasourtexthere.Abrahamwas,asfar as Scripture indicates, doingGod’swill.Yet it surelywas not the desire ofAbraham’s heart to kill his son! Job isanotherclassicexample.He isan innocent sufferer—whatmakeshis life sobewildering is theundeservednatureofhispain.Theprinciplethatwereapwhatwesow(Galatians6:7–8)didnotapplytoJob,ashisfriendsarguedinJobchapters3–37.Forthisreason,embracingourWallsfrequentlyresultsinacrisisoffaithformanybelieversratherthanadoorwaytotransformation.

SESSION5:EnlargeYourSoulthroughGriefandLossInadditiontothegeneralguidelines,herearesomeotherhelpfulitemstonotebysection:

BeforetheSession

BibleStudy

•(Question5)Jesusfeltdeeplyhissorrowandpain.Hedidnot“spin”orspiritualizeitaway.Jesusopenlyadmittedhisgrieftothoseclosetohimandaskedfortheirsupport.HerepeatedlyprayedtohisFatherforanalternative,butfinallyacceptedtheFather’s“no.”Weseehimmove throughaprocess fromstruggling toaccept theFather’swill to finallyrisingup toembraceit.

Application

•(Question9)Twoquestionsfrequentlycomeupinrelationtogrieving.1.HowdoIknowIamgrievingorifIshouldbegrieving?

One way to know if you are grieving is when you experience some of the following symptoms that normallyaccompany the stages of grieving—depression, anger, disbelief, yearning, bargaining. On the other hand, if you gothroughasignificantlossbutdonotexperienceanyoftheabovefeelings,youmayneedamature,objectiveoutsidertohelpyoumovethroughtheprocess.

2.HowdoIknowwhenIamdonegrieving?Therearemanyfactorsthatimpacttheamountoftimeneededtogrieve.Forexample,thedeepertheloss,themore

timeneeded togrieve.The loss feltwhenachild leaveshomeandgoesoff tocollege isverydifferent from the lossexperiencedshouldthatchilddietragically.AnotherfactoristorespecthowGodhascraftedeachofusdifferently.ThetimeyouneedandIneedmaybeverydifferent.Onekeyprincipleistonotcensoryouremotionsthatcomebubblingupasaresultoftheloss.Allowyourself,likeJesusandDavid,tofeelthemdeeplybeforeGod.Censoringcertainfeelingsbecausetheyare“bad”willonlyprolongorabort thediscipleshipprocessneededforlong-termtransformationinourlives.

SESSION6:DiscovertheRhythmsoftheDailyOfficeandSabbathInadditiontothegeneralguidelines,herearesomeotherhelpfulitemstonotebysection:

BeforetheSession

•Readchapter6ofthebookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality.Thekeywordinthissessionisthewordrhythms—inourdaysandweeks. Sincewe have beenmodelingDailyOffices eachweek, and talking about people’s progress eachweek indeveloping a daily rhythm, the focus of this study will be on Sabbath. For more information on Sabbath, seewww.emotionallyhealthy.org/courses/free-resources/.

•SelectaDailyOfficefromWeek6ofEmotionallyHealthySpiritualityDaybyDaytobeginthesession.

Starters

•(Question3)TheDailyOfficeisalearnedpracticethattakestime.Forsomeitwillbedifficult;forothersitwillnotbelongenough.Otherswillstrugglewithall their interiornoise.Bereadyforawidevarietyofresponses.Hopefully,manywillhaveadjustedcomfortablytotherhythmoftheDailyOfficeiftheyhavebeendoingitsincetheCoursebegan.

BibleStudy

•(Question5)TheconceptoftheDailyOfficehasarichhistorygoingbacktoDavid,Daniel,theJewsduringJesus’time,andtheearlychurch.ItistherhythmofstoppingtobewithGodatsettimessothatwecan“practicethepresenceofGod”allthroughourdaywhenweareactive.Danielseamlesslymodelsthisforus.Jesus,ofcourse,doesthisforusaswellasweobservehimgettingalonetoprayoften(Luke4:42–44;5:12;6:12–13;11:1).

Application

•ThespecificquestionspeoplehavemaygobeyondtheFAQslistedonpages88–91.Itisokaytosay,“Idon’tknow”andbecomfortable inyourownprocessofpracticingSabbath.Fora larger treatmentof thesubjectofSabbath, readchapter4,“Practice Sabbath Delight,” in The Emotionally Healthy Leader (Zondervan, 2015). Another great resource is WayneMueller’sSabbath:FindingRest,Renewal,andDelight inOurBusyLives (NewYork:Bantam,1999).FreesermonsonSabbathcanalsobefoundatwww.emotionallyhealthy.org/media/sermons/.Finally,rememberthatthegoalofthissessionistoprovidepeoplewithanintroductiontoSabbath,nottoprovideanexhaustivestudy.

SESSION7:GrowintoanEmotionallyMatureAdultInadditiontothegeneralguidelines,herearesomeotherhelpfulitemstonotebysection:

BeforetheSession

Starters

•(Question 3) Be aware this can lead to a lively discussion! The following are examples of possible answers: we oftenemphasizespiritualproductivityandgifts,oftenoverlookingtroublesomecharactertraits;wealsoequatetheknowledgeofScripturetospiritualmaturityandignoreemotionalimmaturity;lovingwellismuchmoredifficulttomeasurethancontentanddoingministryforGod.Sobepreparedtoendthisdiscussioninthetimeallottedandmoveontothenextsection.

BibleStudy

•(Question8) It is important thatwemaintain the creative tension andhealthybalancebetween self-care and self-giving.Livingateitherextremeleadsustoeventuallyresentpeopleorignorethoseinneedaroundusaltogether.TheSamaritanstoppedtohelpthehurtingman.Atthesametime,hehadtheself-awarenessandself-respecttorecognizehisownlimitsanddecidedtoresumehisownjourneythenextday.Ahealthybalanceofself-careandself-givinginourlivesisnecessaryinordertoliveoutan“I-Thou”relationshipbothtowardourselvesandothers.

Application

• (Questions 10 and 11) Advise participants beforehand to avoid examples of expectations around moral issues orresponsibilities(ex.:domesticabuse,adultery,parent’sroleinnurturingchildren,financialintegrityinthechurch).Theseissuesgobeyondthescopeofthisexercise.

SESSION8:GotheNextSteptoDevelopa“RuleofLife”Inadditiontothegeneralguidelines,herearesomeotherhelpfulitemstonotebysection:

BeforetheSession

BibleStudy

•PleasenotethatthisBibleStudysectionisintentionallyonly15minutes.Wehaveplacedtheweightofthisfinalmeetingonthe“Application”section,whichrequiresabout45minutes.

•(Question5)Noticethatthereisnohintoflegalismor“shoulds”inthedescriptionofthechurchinActs.Jesussaid,“Cometome,allyouwhoareweary. . . .Myyoke iseasyandmyburden is light”(Matthew11:28–30). In thesameway,anyhealthyRuleofLifewedevelopneedstofithowGodmadeusatthisparticularseasonofourlife.

Application

• This exercise is best donewhen participants are given physical space to be alone. If space allows, have the individualmembersfindapersonalspotwheretheycanspendthese20minutesinsolitudecontemplatingthequestionsbeforeGod.

1. For a more complete understanding of what we mean by emotional health and contemplative spirituality, see the bookEmotionallyHealthySpirituality,pages212–213.

2.SeeEmotionallyHealthySpirituality,pages212–213.3. For a fuller discussion of Martin Buber’s distinction between “I-It” and “I-Thou” relationships, see Emotionally HealthySpirituality,172–175.

4.ThisexerciseisadaptedfromPatEnnis,TheThirdOption:AnOngoingProgramtoBuildBetterMarriages,TeachersManual,Topic#3,“Expectations,”1–9.

5.Remember,aRuleofLifeissimplyanintentional,consciousplantokeepGodatthecenterofeverythingwedo.Itprovidesguidelines to help us continually rememberGod as the source of our lives. It includes our unique combinationof spiritualpracticesthatprovidestructureanddirectionforustointentionallypayattentionandrememberGodineverythingwedo.

6.ParkerPalmer,AHiddenWholeness(SanFrancisco:Jossey-Bass,2009).7.Adapted fromJamesF.Nyquist and JackKuhatschek,LeadingBibleDiscussions (DownersGrove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press,

1985).

AbouttheAuthors

GeriScazzeroistheauthorofthebestsellingTheEmotionallyHealthyWoman,TheEmotionallyHealthyWomanWorkbook,andcoauthor of The Emotionally Healthy Relationships Course. She is also, along with her husband Pete, the cofounder ofEmotionallyHealthySpirituality,equippingthechurchinadiscipleshipthatdeeplychangeslives.

GerihasservedonstaffatNewLifeFellowshipChurchinNewYorkCityforthelasttwenty-nineyearsandisapopularspeakertopastors,churchleaders,andatwomen’sconferences—bothinNorthAmericaandinternationally.

ConnectwithGerionFacebook(www.facebook.com/GeriScazzero).

PeteScazzeroisthefounderofNewLifeFellowshipChurchinQueens,NewYork,alarge,multiracialchurchwithmorethanseventy-three countries represented. After serving as senior pastor for twenty-six years, Pete now serves as a teachingpastor/pastoratlarge.HeistheauthoroftherecentlyreleasedTheEmotionallyHealthyLeaderandtwobestsellingbooks:TheEmotionally Healthy Church and Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. He is also the coauthor of The Emotionally HealthyRelationshipsCourse.PeteandGerihavefourlovelydaughters.

ConnectwithPeteonTwitter@petescazzeroorFacebook.

Formoreinformation,visitemotionallyhealthy.org.

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