the cycle of anger how can i keep my anger under control?
Post on 23-Mar-2016
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The Cycle of Anger
How can I keep my anger under control?
Stan Hoskin, LPC
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The Cycle of Anger
CREATES
DIRECT ORINDIRECTTHREAT FEAR
POWERSTHE ANGER
ANXIETY AND
FEAR
LEVELOF
ANGER
CREATESTHOUGHTS
ANGER DIRECTED AT THREAT
THE MORE FEAR…THE MORE ANGER
Threats to “Extended Self”
• Our extended self makes up who we are:– Things we have (car, shoes, clothes, school
project, coffee ice cream)– People we love (friends, parents, siblings, heros)– Ideas/Values we believe in (being a “Smith Tiger,”
being an American, honesty, respect)• When our extended self is threatened, (someone
pushes our buttons) we defend ourselves
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Your “Extended Self”
• Name two things that you own, and that you would protect, and get defensive about, if someone threatened them.
• Name two people in your life that you would protect and get defensive about, if someone threatened, or made fun of them.
• Name two ideas or values that you believe in and would defend, if someone rejected you, or made fun of you about them.
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Brain Science
CREATES
DIRECT ORINDIRECTTHREAT
FIGHTOR
FLIGHTCREATESADRENALINE
RELEASE
THIN
KING
BRA
IN
(Pre
-Fro
ntal
Cor
tex)
THINKING BRAINGETS VERY
LITTLEBLOODFLOW
MUSCLES ANDLIMBIC SYSTEM
GET MOST of the BLOODFLOW
Limbic System in Charge (Feeling Brain)
• When Limbic System is activated, adrenaline kicks our body into “Survival Mode”– Thinking brain goes to “idle”– “Fight or Flight” – Limbic involuntary response
• With adrenaline, it’s hard to calm down (increased strength, faster heart rate, faster breathing rate, increased alertness)– GOOD: When there’s a real threat (rattlesnake)– NOT GOOD: When the “perceived” threat causes
us to over-react and hurt others (either physically or emotionally)
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Emotional Memory – Stored in Limbic System
HURTS,LOSSES, & STRESS
ALL FEARS ARE STORED IN OUR EMOTIONAL MEMORY
AT “C” OUR “EMOTIONAL CUP” IS FULL OF HURTS & FEARSC
B
A
ABIDING FEAR CREATE
AT “A” WE HAVE A FEW
HURTS & FEARS
AT “B” OUR CUP IS HALF FULL OF
HURTS & FEARS
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Emotional Memory – Stored in Limbic System
ANY “THREAT” (REAL OR PERCEIVED)
OUR OVER-FULL “EMOTIONAL CUP” TO OVER-FLOW ONTO OTHERSCAUSES
WE DUMP OUT FEAR-FUELED RAGE AS OUR DEFENSIVE RESPONSE
THIS CREATES AN “OVER-REACTION” TO THE “THREAT”
OUR FRIENDS WALK AWAY, ASKING THEMSELVES, “WHAT’S UP WITH HIM?”
Emotional Memory – Stored in Limbic System
• Hurts: Messages that we have taken to heart:– “You’re stupid…”– “You’ll never amount to anything…”– “You can’t do anything right…”– “You’re such a loser…”
• Losses:– Death… – Moving often…
• Stress:– Actual or perceived…
• ALL OF THESE ISSUES CREATE IRRATIONAL FEAR:– I’m afraid of losing…– I’m afraid of being rejected…
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What’s in Your Cup?
Write down a few: 1. Hurts: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________2. Losses: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________3. Stessors:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________4. What adds to your emotional cup?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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How Do I Reduce My Anger Response?
1. Drain the cup– Heal the hurts (from the inside out)– Talk it out (come…let us reason together)– Cry (He keeps our tears in a bottle)– Let it go…
2. Reduce the fear (perfect love casts out fear)– Become more confident (our confidence is in Him)
3. Embrace the caring that others give to you (I Jn 4:7,8)– Our hurts keep us from opening ourselves to others
4. Make your cup bigger– Develop resiliency – Develop trust – Be vulnerable– Extend trust to others
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