selecting a partner theories of attraction & choosing the right partner

Selecting a Partner

Theories of Attraction

&

Choosing the Right Partner

Homogamy Theory

• Likeness attracts Likeness

• Suggests we choose people who are more like us than different from us

Complementary Needs Theory

• Opposites attract

• Suggests we choose people that complement our personalities and complete us

Propinquity Theory

• Propinquity means nearness in time or place.

• Suggests people are more likely to meet, get to know, and stay with others who are physically close by.

Ideal Mate Theory

• People are made for one another.

• Suggests people have a mental image of an ideal mate based on appearance, character, or other traits. We measure people based on this image and favor those who come closest to “perfection”.

Social Exchange Theory

• Rewards-Costs=Outcome

• Suggests that we expect to get the same out of a relationship as we put into it.

• Can be difficult because we can’t put a $ on love…

…Remember, theories are not fact!

They do, however, provide us with opportunities to see relationships more

realistically.

Choosing the Right Partner

Signs of Readiness• Age: the older two people are (until late twenties)

at the time of their wedding, the more likely the marriage is to be stable

• Independence: people who can’t stand on their own two feet aren’t able to support someone else

• Parental Approval• Knowledge of Each Other: Research shows that

partners who have known each other for at least five years before marrying are the happiest

• A Sense of Responsibility• Friendships• A Realistic Attitude

Warning Signs

• Abuse

• Substance Abuse

• Arguments

• Jealousy– 2 kinds:

• Suspicious Jealousy and Reactive Jealousy

Kinds of Love

• Non-love: Nonexistent Love• Liking: Intimacy only (friendships)• Romantic Love: Intimacy and Passion• Infatuation: Passion only• Fatuous Love: Passion and Commitment• Companionate Love: Intimacy and

Commitment• Consummate Love: Intimacy, Passion, and

Commitment

Unrequited Love

• Unrequited love is love that is not returned.• 3 styles

– The Cyrano Style: a desire to have a romantic relationship regardless of how hopeless it is.

– The Giselle Style: a misconception that a love relationship is more likely to develop than it actually is.

– The Don Quixote Style: the general desire to be in love, regardless of who one loves

A belief in marriage

• You must have a strong belief in the institution of marriage, or see marriage as a way of living.

• You must value marriage itself and believe it is worth preserving in society.