ny ress

TheTimesofIndiaTitle:OH,RESOLUTIONS!Author:COMPILEDBYTEAMCTLocation:ArticleDate:01/01/2015Wepeepintothesecretdiariesofstarstoreadtheirnewyearvows.Enjoywithapinchofsalt!ALIABHATTMindyou,ImayhaveBhattinmyname,butInevertalkbhaat!SowhatIgotthenameofourPresidentwrong?Idon'tlikethewaytheytauntedmeformonthsaftermymistake.DotheythinkI'mdumb,orwhat?HavetheyevenseenthepileofGKbooksI'vereadoverthepastfewmonths?Butthere'ssomethingIwantmeknow...Iheardthataftermyonairfauxpasaboutthepresident,theywereridiculingmeontheinternetthroughmemes.Wellisthatthepluralofme?TIGERSHROFFNo,I'mnotRichardParker!Ididn'tdebutinacircusoronAnimalPlanet.I'mnotanendangeredspeciesreally,aren'tthereenoughcubs,Imean,starkidstopickon?AndI'mproudofcomparisonswithKareenaKapoorKhan.Butletmetellyou,2015won'tbeallgrowlandnobite.Iplantoworkwiththebigtigers...err,sharksofB'wood.Imeaniftheycanusemynameintheirfilm'stitle,theycanusemetoo!Maybethenpeoplewillstopsaying,Ekthatiger!SRIJITMUKHERJIDon'tlistentothoserumourmongers,whocallmeaCasanova.TheonlytimeIlookatwomenisthroughmycameralens,darkly.Okfine,Idohave11womeninmycurrentproject,butoneofthemisunderageandtheotherissuperannuated!That'snottosayI'meyeingtheotherninethough.Infact,myNewYearresolutionisthatIwillmakeabromancefilmthisyear.Thecast?Well,SrijitMukherjionlyworkswiththebest.WhoelsebutDevandJeet?ANUSHKASHARMAOhpleasepleasetellme,howdoyouratemysmile?BecauseIjustgotitcustommade!TheguywhodidthelipjobusedtoworkforDisneybeforeandtoldmethathewasahugefanofDonaldDuck.WhenIfinallysawmyselfinthemirror,whatdidIsee?Asmirk,smile,grin,grimace?Hell,Ican'tmakeout!Nowthatmylipsarejustpurrfect,I'vegotbigplansfor2015.EyeslikePopeye,noselikeTheHulk,earslikeSpock.Don'tyouliketheidea?MILEYCYRUSLet'sadmitit,Itaughttheworldhowtotwerkyearsbackin2013!OfcourseIhadtodosomethingequallywhazzatword?Ludacris?Onno,that'stherapper!ludicrous,in2014!SoIblewmy`top',literally,andchampionedthe#FreeTheNipplemovement.DidIsaythatloud?Well,whatImeantwas,I'mallfordesexualizingthenipple.Maybe,in2015,I'llembracetoplessnesscompletely.Orworse,I'llturnupcoveredfromheadtotoeatpublicinteractions.Youdon'twanttoriskthat!KIMKARDASHIANI'vealreadyannouncedthatIwantaflatbutt.That'smyresolutionfor2015.Andyes,Ialsowanttokeephelpingtheneedy.RememberIdonatedmostofmyclothestoacharityinAugust?Yeah,IthinkI'llbreaktherecordnowforthebiggest...donations!Evenbetter,I'lldonatewhatIworefor#BreakTheInternet.Ididn'twearanything?ThenIguessI'lljustspreadjoybypostingmoreduckfaces.Yay,resolutionselfie!VIRATKOHLIThey'recallingme`TheBrat'.AndIlikeit,actually!Afterall,mypresentformandthefactthatI'vebeenmadepermanentTestcaptainmeansthatI'vearrived.Also,forarmcandyIcarryaroundacertainAnushkaSharma(sheoftheduckbilledlips).Butmaybeitstheheatshegenerates,I'mconstantlyfeelinghothothot!They'rebouncingme?Goat'em!Media'ssnoopingaround?Givethemapieceofmymind!ThisyearIplantodomeditationandhavealotoflassitokeepmecool.ANJANDUTTBoy,doIloveDecember!Winter'shere,Nahoumisbakingcakes,therearelightsonParkStreetandIhavefinallydeliveredahit!AfterboringeveryonewithfilmslikeDuttavsDuttaandSeshBoleKichuNei,I'verealizedthatByomkeshismybiggestpiggybank.SothisyearI'llnotonlymakemoreByomkeshfilms,I'vealsodecidedtobuytherightsofKiriti,ParasharBarma,JayantaManikandanyotherBonggoyendaworthhissalt.LUISSUAREZThename'sSuarezLuisAlbertoSuarezDaz.AndIdon'tbite.Okay,letmerephrasethatstatementI`won't'bite...in2015...comewhomay!Iwon'tconfuseGiorgioChielliniwithsomecheesyItaliandish.Infact,IbelieveChiellinigotmore`strikes'onhisbedpostthanthefield,afterour`encounter'!Butletmeassureyou,Iabsolutelydidnotbiteintotheworld'smostfamousApple!Also,Iwon'tbethe`Bane'ofyourexistenceso,stoptrollingmewiththatsupervillain'smask!Bitethat,now!ABIRCHATTERJEEThelaststrawwaswhenmydomestichelp,whocouldn'tfindaspoon,archedaneyebrowandsaid,Dada!Youaresuchabigdetective.Can'tyoufigureoutwherethespoonis?Aaaaargh!NowI'mevengettingnightmareswhereI'mhuntingforcluesandsolvingmurdermysteries.Evenmytwoyearolddaughtersays`Feluda'inherbabyvoicewhenItakeherinmylap.ForgetByomkesh,thisyearIdon'twanttoplayFeluda,Derrida,Nerudaoranyoneelsewith`da'inhisname!RITUPARNASENGUPTAEveryoneknowsIsimplyloveredlipstick!Psst...theworstpartis,Ican'trememberthecolourofmylips.SolastnightIfinallydecidedtoreclaimmylips.Butitwasahorrexshow!AsIrubbed'empuckerswithdampcotton,moreandmorelayersemerged.Maroon,crimson,burgundy,vermilioneachlayerforanolderdateonthecalendar.Itwaslikeanarchaeologicaldig!IgottiredafterrubbingofftillAugust.So,nomoreredlipstickformethisyear.SAJIDKHANHeyyBabyyIknowthatDumbshakals,ImeanHumshakals,didn'tclickwiththeaudience.Humpagalnahinhaibhaiya!ButI'verealizedthatonlysomeoneashimmatwalaasmecouldhavemadethatfilm.Somyresolutionistocomeupwithanother`housefull'venture.AndjustlikeIhadpromisedduringHimmatwala,I'mpositivethatthefirstthreedayspeoplewon'tgetthetickets!What?No,Iwon'tbegmyfriendstovisitthetheatrestopullthemasses.Icannevermakeaflopfilm,remember?Mindit!