mindful listening

M O R E T H A N M E E T S T H E E A R

MINDFUL LISTENING

LISTENING-MOST IMPORTANT

Interpersonal Listening-27.5%

Media Listening-27.9%

Reading-17.1%

Speaking-16.1%

Writing-11.4%

+ 50% Listening

LISTENING PROCESS

• Hearing • Sound waves striking eardrum causing vibration• Does not require energy

• Listening• Reconstructs electro impulses into a representation of the

original sound + gives meaning• Active, complex process

PROCESS

• Mindfulness-being fully present in the moment• Fosters dual perspective• Enhances effectiveness of other’s communication• Must make commitment to attend

PROCESS

• Physically receiving messages-automatic & unhindered• Harder to pay attention with noise• Women generally more attentive than men, noticing

details• Have better developed right lobes for creative & holistic

thinking & will listen with both lobes of the brain • Men have better developed left lobes for analytic & linear

information processing

PROCESS

• Selecting & organizing material-what we attend to & how we organize it to understand the message• Interests, cognitive structures, expectations (package we all

carry around supports the selection part of process)• Intense, standouts, unusual in flow of conversation• Greater challenging with nonassertive, quiet communication

• Schemata assists us in making sense out of the message once we focus & select• Prototypes• Personal constructs• Stereotypes• Scripts

Note: we construct others & their communication when we use our schemata to makes sense of situations & people

PROCESS

• Interpreting-be person-centered in order to get the message on the other’s terms• Make earnest effort to understand• Stay out of the other’s way

PROCESS

• Responding –show you are following & interested throughout the interaction using:• Eye contact• Nodding• Attentive posture• Questions & comments that invite elaboration

• Responsiveness demonstrates we care

PROCESS

• Remembering –retaining what you heard• Recall only about 50% of what we heard immediately

after hearing it• That drops to about 35% within 8 hours• In a couple of months, drops to 25%• Figure out ways to improve that retention rate & recall

TYPES OF INEFFECTIVE LISTENING-NON-LISTENING BEHAVIORS

• Pseudolistening-imitating the real thing• Stage-hogging or Monopolizing-focus on self• Selective listening-focus only on what’s interesting• Insulated listening-avoid topics not want to deal w/• Defensive listening-take other’s comments as a

personal attack-shaky-touchy-insecure• Ambushing-only to collect info & attack you• Insensitive listening-respond to superficial content &

miss more important emotional information• Literal listening-getting & responding to only content

& missing the relationship level of meaning

WHY WE DON’T LISTEN BETTER

• External obstacles:

• Message Overload• Message Complexity• External Noise• Lack of Training

WHY WE DON’T LISTEN CONT.

• Internal Obstacles:

• Preoccupation• Rapid thought• Effort• Prejudgment/faulty assumptions• Lack of apparent advantages• Reacting to emotionally loaded language• Failure to adapt to listening styles• Skills needed• Diverse culture requires it

LISTENING BETTER

• Listening for pleasure• Be mindful• Control distractions

BETTER LISTENING

• Listening for information-gain & evaluate information

• Be mindful• Control obstacles• Ask questions• Use aids to recall• Organize information

LISTENING TO SUPPORT

• Be mindful• Use prompting• Paraphrase• Is issue complex enough• Time & concern?• Withhold judgment?• Paraphrase in proportion to other responses

• Supporting –expressions of concern, care, affection, interest, especially in times of stress & upset• DO NOT deny other the right to their feelings• Do not have to agree or approve• Note other’s reaction to your support• Support may not always be welcome

MORE LISTENING TO SUPPORT

• Analyzing –offering an interpretation of speaker’s message• Offer tentatively• Be sure other will be receptive to your analysis• Check your motive (ego-driven?)

• Advising –help by offering a solution• Is advice needed? Wanted? • Give in right sequence• Come from expertise/experience• You need to be a close, trusted friend

• Judging –evaluate other’s thoughts/behaviors• Make sure it is requested• Be genuinely constructive

FINAL GUIDELINES

• Be Mindful• It’s a choice• It’s a commitment• It compliments the other

• Adapt • Situation• Other person

• Listen Actively• You can burn calories!• It takes effort & an investment