gary noesner author: stalling for time: my life as an fbi hostage negotiator

Gary NoesnerAuthor: “Stalling For Time: My Life As An FBI

Hostage Negotiator”

www.garynoesner.com

Noesner Consulting, LLC 2010

All human interaction boils down to one of two categories:

Cooperation

or

Confrontation

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A situation in which people work together to achieve a result that will benefit all of them

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Conflict between ideas, beliefs, or opinions, or between the people who hold them

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There is no guarantee that we can satisfactorily resolve all conflict, since human behavior when driven by strong emotions is often unpredictable and can be counter-productive (Antioch)

Our goal is to promote cooperation by avoiding arguments, defusing high emotion, and promoting a respectful exchange by using our verbal skills (Montana)

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The prognosis for a positive outcome is highly unlikely while we are engaged in a confrontational interaction (San Antonio)

Therefore, our first goal is to de-escalate any confrontation in order to create an atmosphere conducive to cooperation (Vieques)

Securing cooperation (at some level) is the most likely path through which we will achieve a positive outcome (Lucasville)

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Anger and frustration over life challenges

Rage in response to a real or perceived injustice (Mobile)

Blame projected on others for problems Lack of good coping skills (Sperryville)

Absence of family and/or friend support

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Loss of relationship, status, or self-esteem

A sense of being victimized by others or “the system” (Talladega)

Feeling unappreciated and/or disrespected (Yorktown)

A sense that things are hopeless and there is no possible help for them (Edison)

Manifesting anger/rage/frustration rather than having a specific goal is the most likely behavioral motivation (Waco)

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Attempt to de-escalate the scene

Avoid demonstrations of aggressive intent (Waco)

Open up a direct line of communications as soon as possible (Peru)

Project a calm and controlled demeanor

Always be respectful

Avoid threats and arguments

Voice peaceful intent

State a desire to help not hurt

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Remain genuine and sincere

Acknowledge their point of view

Articulate understanding of their concerns (Vieques)

Restate the emotional feelings they express

Patiently create a trusting relationship

Earn the right to exert a positive influence (Sperryville)

Point out the alternatives to violence

Continually project care and concern

Remember: how you say something is as important as what you say

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Remain patient throughout

Be open to different approaches and remain flexible

Be creative in problem solving

Identify their true needs versus their stated wants

Continually encourage good behavior

Don’t allow others actions to undercut yours

Be persuasive about the benefits of cooperation

Project a positive vision of a desired outcome

If at first you don’t succeed – keep trying – again and again

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Non-threatening dialogue has been proven to be the most effective means of defusing confrontations of all types and achieving positive outcomes

Being patient, empathic, respectful, and genuine creates trust and promotes cooperation

Assessing motivation and behavior, and understanding underlying needs is the key issue

We cannot always stop angry, inappropriate, or potentially violent/self-destructive behavior but we should always try

Our constant goal is to forge a working relationship that moves us away from confrontation toward cooperation

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A distressed state affects the way a person thinks, feels and behaves

Emotions, not reason, are controlling the person's behavior

­If a person feels he has a problem, he does

The person may be under the influence of one or more of the following emotions:

Anger

Fear

Frustration

Depression

NORMAL FUNCTIONING

LEVEL

EMOTIONALITY

RATIONALITY

The challenge is to restore the person's equilibrium.

The only aspect of an interaction that we have absolute control over is our own emotions.

• Give the person "a hearing" - Let him ventilate!

• People want most to be listened to and understood

• Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession you can make

• Show respect (Pretend the person before you is a friend or co-worker)

• Give the person your undivided attention; eliminate interruptions and distractions

Seek first to understand, then to be understood

This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication

- Stephen Covey

• To see through the eyes of the other

• Empathy absorbs tension

"I can understand how you would be upset over ...“

"You feel as though I don’t care about what’s happening to you”

“I would like you to understand that I want to help you resolve this problem and come out of there safely”

• Being right is not the issue; making the attempt to get it right is!

• Your tone indicates your attitude

−This speaks louder than your words

A calm / controlled demeanor may be more effective than a brilliant argument

• Listen to the person (let them tell you their concerns)

• Acknowledge their point of view

­Does not equate to agreement

• Agree wherever you can, without conceding

Try to find some common ground

• Create a positive atmosphere for problem solving

ACTIVE LISTENING

SKILLS

EMPATHY

RAPPORT

INFLUENCE

BEHAVIORAL CHANGE

"The desire to be understood is as powerful as the need to have one's way."

People communicate on two levels:

Content (the story)

Emotion (the feelings)

FEELINGS

STORY

Although people may not always achieve theirobjective they need to be allowed to save face

and maintain some level of dignity.

Controlling our emotions

Using Active Listening Skills

−Be genuine−Be non-threatening−Demonstrate understanding

Creative

Flexible

Patient

"Successful communicators are good listeners"

"The sincere and genuine demonstrationof your interest and understanding of a

person’s perspective is far more importantthan your ability to provide a quick solution to resolving the problem"

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