communication styles: passive, assertive, aggressive

Indiana University

Communication Styles: Passive, Assertive,

AggressiveAmy Hume

Discussion Session #13

Communications Styles

Goals for Today

Understand different communication styles and how they affect others

Practice recognizing and crafting messages in different styles

Learn about assertiveness skills

Have you ever dealt with a difficult person?

It’s all about respect

Passive

No Respect for Self

Assertive

Respect for Self & Others

Aggressive

No Respect for Others

How about…?

Can’t speak up

Communication Styles

Passive Assertive Aggressive

Can’t speak up

How about…?

Passive Assertive AggressiveCan’t speak up Loud

How about…?

Passive Assertive AggressiveCan’t speak up Firm Loud

How about…?

Don’t know my rights

Passive Assertive AggressiveCan’t speak up

Firm Loud

How about…?

Direct

How about…?

Direct

How about…?

Honest

Direct

Honest

How about…?

Direct

Honest

How about…?

Respect rights of others

Direct

Honest

How about…?

Get stepped on

Direct

Honest

How about…?

Get stepped on

Direct

Honest

How about…?

Dominating

Get stepped on

Direct

Honest

Dominating

How about…?

Intimidating

Get stepped on

Direct

Honest

Dominating

Intimidating

How about…?

Too accommodating

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Direct

Honest

Dominating

Intimidating

How about…?

Violate others’ rights using power, position &

language

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Direct

Honest

Dominating

Intimidating

Violate others’ rights using power, position & language

How about…?

Talks softly

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Direct

Honest

Dominating

Intimidating

How about…?

Recognize the importance of having my needs &

rights respected

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Direct

Honest

Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected

Dominating

Intimidating

How about…?

Must get my way

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Direct

Honest

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

How about…?

Gives “cold fish” handshakes

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Direct

Honest

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

How about…?

Don’t stand up for my rights

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Direct

Honest

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

How about…?

React instantly

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Direct

Honest

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

How about…?

Avoid conflicts

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

How about…?

Confident

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

How about…?

Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

How about…?

Realize I have choices

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

How about…?

Effective communicator

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

How about…?

People take advantage of me

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

How about…?

Can express my needs

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

How about…?

Can be abusive

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

Can be abusive

How about…?

Vise-like handshake

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

Can be abusive

Vise-like handshake

How about…?

Make good eye contact

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

Can be abusive

Vise-like handshakes

How about…?

I like to get even

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

Can be abusive

Vise-like handshake

I like to get even

How about…?

Speak with firm voice

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

Can be abusive

Vise-like handshake

I like to get even

How about…?

Trouble saying “no,” then I’m angry and resentful

Get stepped on

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Avoid conflicts

Trouble saying “no,” then I’m angry and resentful

Direct

Honest

Confident

Dominating

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

Can be abusive

Vise-like handshake

I like to get even

Passive Style: Summary

Too intimidated to express thoughts and feelings

Forfeits his/her rights or freedomsGives in to demands so he/she will be

acceptedAvoid confrontation at any costOften feels used and taken advantage of Driven by anxiety

Assertive Style: Summary

Recognizes and stands up for own rights while respecting the dignity of others

Focuses on specific issues and problems, without belittling self or others

Expresses opinion without violating others’ rights

Minimizes opportunities to be taken advantage of by others

Assertive Style: Summary

Open, tolerant, and considerate of other’s feelings

Can overcome fear to confront issues that require resolutions

Can communicate feelings of anger diplomatically, without putting others on the defensive

Aggressive Style: Summary

Intimidates others to gain control of their thoughts and actions

Manipulates, accuses, fights

Little or no regard for other’s feelings

Driven by anger

Passive-aggressiveness

Hostility expressed through inaction; inertia used as a weapon Silent treatment Dragging your feet Always being late Never saying what they want to do, then

sulking about it Lame excuses

Plausible deniability is key

ROLE PLAY

Scenario 1: Need two volunteers

Scenario 2: Need three volunteers

Assertiveness Skills

Know your rights Say no and not feel guilty Change your mind about anything Take your time to form a response to a comment or

question Ask for assistance with instructions or directions Ask for what you want Experience and express your feelings Feel positive about yourself under any conditions Make mistakes without feeling embarrassed or

guilty Own your opinions and convictions Protest unfair treatment or criticism Be recognized for your significant achievements

and contributionsFrom Davis, Eshelmann, and McKay (1988)

Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation

Be aware of these strategiesIntimidationContent substitutionPersonal attacks (character assassination)Avoidance

Know your rights

Know your rights Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation Respond rather than react

Exercise

Your difficult person

What communication style do they use?

How does it make you feel?

How will you change your reaction to them?

Communication is two-way

What questions do you have??

Evaluation QuestionsUse:A. Strongly agreeB. AgreeC. DisagreeD. Strongly disagreeE. Don’t know

1. I found the presentation of material easy to understand.

2. This Advantage session increased my knowledge on the subject presented.

3. I will be able to use some of the information from this Advantage session in the future.

4. The presenter was well prepared for this Advantage session.

5. This presentation should be repeated in future semesters.

#13Tuesday, Sept.

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