A

DEVELOPING

Society has learned passive behaviours to avoid

confrontational situations, and, as a result, people

lack assertiveness. These behaviours can, however,

be unlearned. Our training programme enables learners to understand the processes

that will enhance work effectiveness, and productivity.

Cutting edge content that is facilitated by experts, with key focus on the following outcomes:

Describe the concept of assertive behaviour, and the benefits there of.

Understand different styles of behaviour. Understand the role and importance of language, and body language, in assertiveness.

Build a business case for assertive behaviour in the workplace.

Utilise the best approach when voicing ideas and opinions

Handle difficult situations with confidence and assertiveness.

Develop better working relationships using assertive behaviour.

Long story short What is in it for you?

UNIT STANDARD:

NQFLEVEL: CREDITS: DURATION:

TRAINING DAYS:

PORTFOLIO BUILDING

DAY:

9506 4 4 3 DAYS 2 1

Programme information

Do you tick all the BOXES?

Communication Literacy at ABET Level 4

Level 4

Programme insights

Creating Unforgettable Learning Experienceswww.nimico.co.za

Our blended learning approach, allows for an engaging and interactive training session.

Complete the Assertiveness Portfolio of Evidence.

Your Learning Journey

2

4

Complete an Assertiveness Pre-Assessment.1

Receive a Post Training Infographic Mailer,which provides tips and tools, etc. to practiseassertive behaviour in the workplace. 3

5

4

VIDEOSDIALOGUES

CASE STUDIESSCENARIO

CARDS

ROLE PLAY

2© COPYRIGHT NIMICO

HOW TO USE THIS POCKET GUIDE1. Grab a notebook or piece of paper.2. Reflect on each of the guided prompts.3. Write down what you want to say.4. Practice what you want to say.5. Go out there and have your say!

The next time you are confronted with a situation that requires you to be assertive, use this pocket guide to reflect on the situation and plan your communication.

This will help you to stay on track and place power into your assertion.

It’s not only WHAT you say, it is HOW you say it, so take note of your non-verbal communication!

ANDREMEMBER

www.nimico.co.za

You recently took part in a learning journey with Nimico by completing the DEVELOPING ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS training programme. This training programme aimed to alter the way you view yourself in the world, give you the best chance of successfully delivering your message, help improve your relationships, and ultimately enhance workplace effectiveness.

WORTHWHILE WATCH

WORTHWHILE BOOKSHELF BUY!

As the world becomes more complex, competitive, challenging, self-esteem is more important than ever.

We would love to hear from you, whether you need additional support or wish to share a success story. If you would like to share, please click here or connect with

us on our Facebook page.

Good Luck!

Here are a few key insights from the journey!

PASSIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVENeither of these siblings are healthy or sustainable. Bearing in mind your assertiveness assessment results, are you where you want to be? When we talk about being assertive, we’re talking about making conscious choices around how we communicate. The choice is yours!

“To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others.

To be assertive is to decide for yourself.”Edith Eva Eger, The Choice: Embrace the Possible

Remember your LEGITIMATE RIGHTS when it comes to assertiveness!

Strengthening self-esteem is not a quick or easy process.

Be patient, be bold and TRUST THE PROCESS...

Assertive behaviour has two siblings, aggressive behaviour and passive behaviour…

Whether in work, or in your personal life, you will regularly encounter people who want you to do things which you do not want to do, or which you may feel uncomfortable doing. You also may not have the courage to ask for what you need, want or desire. In the training we unpacked at length the typical assumptions, myths and misconceptions of being assertive.

When you defend your legitimate rights; not only do you send a clear signal that you respect yourself but you signal that you respect others too.

Here is a recap

of those rights:

If I assert myself in any relationship, others will get mad at me.

If I do assert myself and

others do become angry with

me, it will be awful; I will be

devastated. Although I prefer others to be straightforward with me, I am afraid that if I am open with

them and say “No,’’ I will hurt them.

If my assertion hurts others, I am responsible for their feelings.

You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.

You have a right to say “no”.

You have a right not to justify yourself to others. You have a right to your

own opinions and convictions.

You have a right to interrupt in order to ask for clarification.

You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.

You have a right to feel and express pain.

You have a right to ask for help or emotional support.

You have a right to receive formal - recognition for your work and achievements.

You have a right to ignore the advice of others.

You have a right to be the final owner of your feelings and accept them as legitimate.

You have a right to negotiate for change.

Nathaniel Branden, a psychotherapist and author known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem, believes that self-esteem is a consequence of following fundamental internal practices that require an ongoing commitment to self-examination. He called these practices the “Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”.

For a recap of the pillars, watch the video, click here.

Visit Nathaniel Branden’s website for an awesome selection of books and audio books on self-esteem.

TRY IT OUT! Why not try out Nathaniel Branden’s Sentence Completion exercises? He developed this technique to use in his own practice to facilitate self-understanding and personal growth.

There are a variety of assertive communication techniques at your disposal. In order to support you in this journey, Nimico have also provided you with a “Mindful Action to Assertive Communication” Pocket Guide.

As you practice assertive communication, you will pick up which technique works and feels most comfortable for you.

� Learning to be assertive takes practice and it may feel “mechanical” at first. � If you have been behaving passively for a long time, it very often happens that you might be tempted to move over into the aggressive mode of operating.

And remember! It’s not only WHAT you say but HOW you say it.

1© COPYRIGHT NIMICO

Check out this video on “How to Read your Own Body Language” – why not try it out!?

WORDS OF WISDOM!

� If you do not go after what you want, you will never have it.

� You don’t ask, the answer will always be “No”.

� If you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place.

It is wrong to turn down

legitimate requests? Others

will think I am selfi sh and

won’t like me.

You are scheduled to have a meeting with a colleague

who frequently arrives for meetings between fi ve minutes and half an hour after the scheduled starting

time. You regard punctuality as important and are always ready for the meeting at the scheduled starting

time. Your colleague walks through the door of the meeting room 15 minutes late.Are you going to say anything? If so, what would you say?

(Your partner will role play your colleague). Would you wait and speak to your manager about your

colleague’s timekeeping? If so, what would you say? (Your

partner will role play your manager).

MODULE 1

It is wrong to turn down legitimate requests? Others will think I

am selfish and won’t like me.

Truth:

Even legitimate requests can be refused assertively. Sometimes, it is acceptable to consider my needs before others. I can’t always please others.

PASSIVE VS. ASSERTIVE VS. AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION

MODULE 1

What do assertive/aggressive/passive people look like (non-verbal cues)?

What do assertive/aggressive/passive people sound like?

What are the results of assertive/aggressive/passive behaviour? [benefits/advantages/disadvantages]

ACTIVITY

5

PASSIVE VS. ASSERTIVE VS. AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION

At certain times, most people find it d

ifficult to communicate honestly, directly and openly with other people. W

e may

feel vulnerable or unsure of ourselves and resort to submissive, m

anipulative or aggressive behaviour; or tw

o other

main ways of relating to others: either passive or aggressive.

The fundamental differences between passive, assertive and aggressive communication are summarised in the

following table:

NON-VERBAL

BEHAVIOURAL

CUES

IN ACTION

QUOTE

BEHAVIOUR

STYLE

“I’m sure t

hese are

unintention

al error

s.

I let it

go this t

ime.”

Passive Patty

Characterised

by inaction and

indecision. People

using this style tend to

be easy to get along

with and pleasant, but

unwilling to stand up

for their ri

ghts, for fe

ar

of offending others.

- Moving from one

foot to another

- Backing away from

the other person

- Wringing hands

- Averting eyes

- Voice hesitant or

Apologetic

Tentative statements:

I wonder/

would you

mind/maybe

Negative statements:

It does

n’t matter

/

never m

ind

Fillers:

You know /er /well

now/right

Passive

Assertiv

e

Aggressive

“She has the ri

ght

to make m

istakes b

ut

the respo

nsibility to

correct

them.”

Assertive Avril

Characterised by both

fairness and strength.

Assertive individuals

are able to stand up for

their rights but re

main

sensitive to the rights

of others. People, who

choose this style, are

usually relaxed and

easy going, but honest

about their fe

elings.

- Firm comfortable

stance

- Orienting towards

the other person

- Hands relaxed

- Eye contact with the

other person

- Voice steady and

clear

Firm statements:

I will/

I feel/

I

know/I want

Empathic statements:

What do you think?

Can you help?

Cooperative Words:

Let’s / what ca

n we

do / how can we?

“If peop

le prod

uce

rubbish I have e

very

right to tel

l them so.

”

Aggressive Andy

Characterised by

intrusiveness. People

who use this style

tend to go after what

they want but are

unconcerned about

how this will affect

others.

- Leaning forward

stiffly

- Moving against the

other person

- Clenched fist

- Glaring, with no

expression

- Voice overbearing

Threats:

I’m warning you/

you’d better

Critical statements:

This won’t d

o/it’s

not good

enough

Sarcasm:

You’ve got t

o be

joking/what m

akes

you think

DEVELOPING ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

© COPYRIGHT NIMICO

14

© COPYRIGHT NIMICO

DEVELOPING ASSERTIVENESS COMMUNICATION SKILLS

HOW OUR NEEDS DRIVE OUR BEHAVIOUR

According to Abraham Maslow (1943, 1954), we all have several universal human needs which are impossible to

escape from. He stated that people are motivated to achieve certain needs and that some needs take priority over

others. Our most basic need is physical survival, and this will b

e the first thing that motivates our behaviour. O

nce

that level is fulfilled the next level up is what motivates us, and so on, as depicted in his well-known hierarchy of

needs. Self-

actualisation:

achieving one’sfull

potential, including

creative activities

Esteem needs:

prestige and feeling of accomplishment

Beloningness and love needs:

intimate relationships, friends

Safety needs:

security, safety

Physiological needs:

food, water, warmth, rest

Self-fulfilment needs

Psychological needs

Basic needs

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

The first or lower order needs should be satisfied before higher fo

rms of needs can be satisfied, and until self-

actualisation is fulfilled. These needs turn into desires, wishes and goals, and are somehow either fulfilled, redirected

or repressed with defence mechanisms. In effect, our level of self-actualisation influences our behaviour.

Linking Assertiveness to Needs

If we think of the link between self-esteem and assertiveness, what we can derive from Maslow’s model is that these

needs are met once safety, love and belonging needs have been fulfilled.

Social (love and belonging) needs are those that enable a person to feel that he belongs to a particular group. The

sense of belongingness and affiliation to a group gives a person the feeling that he is wanted and loved. Humans are

naturally social beings and therefore, friends and family are really essential for liv

ing.

It is an external factor that is required for us to accept before looking inward (and thus the next step in the hierarchy:

self-esteem). 

33

© COPYRIGHT NIMICO

DEVELOPING ASSERTIVENESS COMMUNICATION SKILLS

ELEMENTS OF ASSERTIVE NON-VERBAL BEHAVIOUR

Think of your body language as your own personal billboard. The billboard that ‘advertises’ what you think and feel

on a regular basis. The billboard that ‘asserts’ who you are. Here are a couple of non-verbal elements to be aware of

in developing your assertive communication.

Eye Contact

How it Weakens Assertive

Communication

How it Weakens Assertive

Communication

� Direct eye contact is assertive.

� Looking directly at another person while you

are speaking strongly portrays confidence.

� It also suggests that you be listened to and

taken seriously.

� An erect and relaxed posture while standing

and sitting communicates confidence, self-

control, energy and an expectation that you be

taken seriously.

� When sitting, leaning forward slightly

communicates interest and a sense of purpose.

� Uncrossed arms and legs suggest a relaxed and

open attitude.

� Looking down while speaking to another

person suggests timidity and weakens you in

the eyes of others.

� Looking to the side as you speak suggests

avoidance and insecurity and it could

jeopardise your credibility.

� Slouching may say; ‘don’t notice me’.

Slouching does not invite the other to take

you seriously.

� A tense and rigid posture suggests a

heightened emotional state that may be

interpreted as anxiety or anger depending

on other nonverbal behaviours.

� Heightened emotional states tend to make

you look out of control.

� Leaning back communicates disinterest or

disagreement.

� Crossing your arms and legs suggests a tense

and closed attitude.

How it Improves Assertive

Communication

How it Improves Assertive

Communication

Eye Contact and Assertive Listening

Maintaining eye contact while the other is speaking shows your interest in listening to the

other persons point of view/opinion. It is beneficial to the relationship as it ensures that,

even if you may not agree, the other party feels heard and that you are respecting their

rights to an opinion.

Posture

The moment you walk into a room, your posture and carriage communicate messages about your confidence, and

how you expect to relate to others, your energy level and emotional state.

A

AssertiveCOMMUNICATION SKILLS

If you select to complete the Portfolio of Evidence and are deemed competent, then you will receive a Certificate of Competence.