being your best self
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Amity Gaige
Photo by Sarma Ozols
6 RAPPORTAGE
Being Your Best Self BY STACEY BROWNLIE
Amity Gaige has spent the majority of her summer vacation in
a somewhat primitive cabin on the grounds of a New Hampshire
boy's camp where she is accompanying her husband, Tim, who is
working for the camp. Though the location means the absence of
a telephone and perhaps other standard conveniences, this break
from teaching creative writing at the University of Rhode Island
may be a welcome one, especially for someone who loves and
respects the writing life as much as Gaige does.
0 My Darling, Amity Gaige's first novel, is a product of not only
that pure love for writing, but also of some careful listening. "I
don't really believe one really sets out knowing one's personal need
to write a novel," says Gaige over the phone from Rhode Island one
Sunday afternoon. She reveals that the story surrounding Clark
and Charlotte Adair was born in the deep cold of an Iowa winter
with the sound of voices. The Adairs (Darling's two main charac
ters) simply began talking, and it was Amity Gaige's eavesdropping,
along with her passion for dialogue, that fixed their conversation to
paper. Gaige then wrote what she calls "a couple of discreet scenes"
and with the encouragement of her husband Tim, who is also a
writer, continued to tell the Adair's story In the end, those first
scenes, with little change to her original dialogue, became the book's
opening sequences.
The creation and completion of this first book required time;
Gaige herself isn't sure the exact number of months and years she
has devoted to its birth. In her mind, the time spent crafting 0 My
Darling varies. Gaige admits, with a relaxed laugh that punctuates
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many of her sentences, that she may have spent anywhere from
"two to fifteen years, depending on my mood." Whatever the
factual number may be, Gaige made sure she took enough time -
enough time to be precise, and to come away from her completed
book with the feeling that she has learned at each step. With 0 My
Darling, Gaige feels she has learned "how to write a book" by doing
JUSt that. She has the material proof of her hands-on education in
the form of another nearly completed book, which has taken much
less time to produce than her first. Gaige can be more convinced
that this is evidence of a progression along the writer's life-long
learning curve since completing her second manuscript "didn't
have anything to do with confidence." 0 My Darling hadn't even
been accepted by a publisher at the time that she was completing
the second manuscript.
0 My Darling's construction required special care not simply
because it was a debut novel. The book's form has already caused
some discussion in reviews; while some claim that Darling is "plot
deficient," many others have recognized it as something new-and
enjoyable. Gaige's story of two rather normal people who greatly
differ from each other, but share love, a home, and families through
marriage is not told in the traditional narrative. The actual plot is
minute compared to much of contemporary fiction, but the story
doesn't suffer; rather, the meat of the tale is greatly enhanced by
Gaige's style. "Momentum of books can come from very different
places," states Gaige. 0 My Darling has plenty of momentum,
thanks to Gaige's other devices, including glimpses of the
paranormal and the reader's keen sense of attachment to the main
characters and their ultimate choices.
Gaige says that she can understand why many writers become
preoccupied with plot: the narrative novel with a strong plot is a
"tried and true form" and she herself moved back toward that genre
7
Being You r Best Se lf (co ntinued )
with her second book. Despite the ease that using a familiar form
can bring to the arduous writing process, Gaige is excited to explore
the crossbreed style she employed in 0 My Darling. This first novel
hints at a long-standing interest in theatre , both onstage and as play
wright: the chapters read like scenes, and the story of Clark and
Charlotte could successfully be told on the live stage . Gaige ener
getically explains that she "likes the idea of creating a hybrid. If I
could aspire to something, it would have to be [to combine] the
energy of the play plus the depth of prose." This aspiration begs the
question: Are there others who have pursued a similar union' A
partial answer came from Gaige as she shared some of the books she
has recently read. One of those books, Desperate Characters by
Paula Fox, seemed, she says , to resemble her own style of fie -
all very complex beings , just as Clark and Charlotte show
themselves to be, but we also must live a sometimes frustra ting daily
life , and it is most often in those mundane bits of life that we display
our personal morality.
In conj unction with her objective tone, Gaige avoided creating
a clear protagonist for 0 My Darling, and its closing chapters don't
reveal the common denouement of one main character 's
transfor mation above another. This lack of a tru e hero was
in part des igned to show readers how normal the Adairs are.
They a re not "something special': and "they don't do
special things" like so many other protagonists in other tales. Clark
and Charlotte are a different kind of window to our world: they live
in the dull routine from day to day just like most of us do, and it
tion. Intrigued by this similarity, Gaige then learned that she brings a kind of comfort to reaffirm our subconscious knowledge
admired and was encouraged by Fox's body of work,
commenting that she "likes the way [Fox's] career has gone" and
would be content to look back on a similar repertoire someday.
Gaige's numerous experiences with the world of theatre-acting,
writing plays, simply being pan of the audience, even ushering
will, however, likely be her most valuable resource as she
explores the surprisingly harmonious relationship between script
and manuscript.
The story of Clark and Charlotte's first house and first years of
marriage is told with great compassion and neutrality; Gaige is
careful to "give them both their fair shake. " She affirms both in the
book and in her words about the book that "in every couple, in
every marriage, there are two fully alive people with their own
dreams and vulnerabilities." Gaige was determined from the
beginning to avoid accusing one spouse more than the other and to
protect the reader from judging either one too quickly As Gaige
describes to me her circumspect approach , she seems to be finding
fresh meaning in her feelings of compassion toward both Clark and
Charlotte, while also celebrating the mystery of human
relationships. As Gaige speaks, she pauses, then reflects that the
book may actually have a "religious tinge" in the sense that we are
8
that , as Gaige shows us, "none of us are graceful all the time" and
that "we all deserve sympathy" in a certain sense. Clark and
Charlotte repeatedly blunder with each other and with their own
self-awareness; despite this, they begin to discover the value of their
marriage, an imperfect and "beautiful institution. " This hopefulness
is one of the real joys of Gaige's novel; despite the numerous
imperfections of both main characters, we're reminded, through
their struggles, that partnerships are vital, that those with whom we
differ can teach us much . This theme also appears to be a reflection
of Gaige's personal happiness- in her marriage, certainly, and in her
professional relationships with students and fellow teachers-and
of her belief that "we need each other on this earth."
Behind the authorly reserve that makes Gaige's book so
successful lays a sincere zeal for the writing process and a humble
confidence in her own discernment. She freely admits that she
needs writing to be in her life and agrees with the advice of many
other authors that successful writers must "love the process" of
writing. During our brief conversation, Gaige expresses the respect
and affection for the writing life that often produce the worthiest
contributions to the world of books. She refers more than once to
the importance of a "life-long education," acknowledging it as a
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source of "power that writers can harness." Gaige has had the
benefit of numerous opportunities for both formal and informal
veins of education. She has been writing and publishing since she
was very young. In fact, 0 My Darling is not her first book. We Are
a Thunderstorm, a book of poems and related photographs for
children, was published when Gaige was only sixteen after she won
the "National Written and Illustrated By ... Awards Contest for
Students" for her age category Gaige was also published numerous
times in youth magazines, enabling her to experiment with stories,
plays, essays and poems. Gaige's more formal studies include an
undergraduate degree from Brown University and a Master of Fine
Arts from Iowa Writer's Workshop. As an instructor at the
University of Rhode Island, she has earned several fellowships,
including a Fulbright Fellowship, which allowed her to travel to
Latvia to teach writing. Yet from those early accolades until the
present, she has never "had the impulse to write because of the
praise or recognition," realizing that "praise is fleeting-it's
wonderful, but it's transient." Gaige, it seems, not only understands
that her words and paragraphs will remain long after any welcome
compliments are gone, but also the devotion-and sometimes
sacrifice-such a literary life requires.
Gaige's confidence in her own writing process becomes clear
when asked about her editing methods. The question of a writer
picturing his or her audience as they write and revise elicits a firm
"no" from Gaige, then silence, and finally a chuckle. As she then
elaborates on her answer, she also offers a glimpse of what benefit
she must bring to her writing students. She explains that a writer
"has to rely on her own self so much" that it is more natural and
more profitable for the writer to trust her own sensibilities than to
try to deduce who her reader will be and what background those
persons will bring to the page. Gaige passes along some advice
from an unknown source: "Write to your best self." This maxim
coincides with Gaige's self-assured, yet realistic philosophy. The
author is his or her own reader, not some conjured outside
audience (be they ideal or overtly critical) Once again, the
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professor in Gaige speaks as she elaborates on this thought, offering
valuable counsel on the often harrowing editing process. According
to Gaige, in trying to "picture a reader that needs a lot of help, you'll
probably write down [to them]" In other words, it really is
acceptable for the writer to have faith in herself, to trust in the truth
that comes out of a series of carefully placed words. Gaige also
recognizes the practical side of the trials of revision; with laughter
behind her words, she says that she tries her hardest not to edit her
own work as the version of herself "on four hours of sleep," but
instead the version that is physically rested and mentally refreshed.
Both Gaige's family and her education have exerted strong,
positive influence on her teaching and writing careers. Raised in a
family of educators, Gaige specifically credits her parents (who still
live in Reading, Pennsylvania, where Gaige grew up) with making
her the blend of mentor and scribe that she is today She
characterizes her father as an "idea person" and her mother as a
"listener-observer," qualities she finds perfectly suited to "the
delicacy of teaching creative writing" as well as the skills necessary
in the successful writer. Gaige also acknowledges the lasting value
higher education has brought to her writing pursuits. Clearly
grateful for each opportunity, Gaige describes her time at the Iowa
Writer's Workshop as a "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be
men to red by some of America's greatest writers." She also pays
tribute to the "rich, experimental atmosphere" of her undergraduate
alma mater, Brown University, and the encouragement toward
molding an "artistic vision" she found there. If 0 My Darling is only
the first product of that artistic vision for Amity Gaige, her readers
have reason to be thankful, as well. Reading through her first novel
creates a sensation similar to the one Clark Adair discovers near the
end of the novel: "Time favored unhappiness. It slowed you
through the awful parts and whisked you through the good ones."
Gaige's lyrical debut novel is the kind of book that qualifies as one
of those too-quickly-finished good parts of life.
9
4
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Amity Gaige
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