American Nephrology NursesAssociation

Long Island ChapterFall ConferenceNovember 14, 2012

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask

FIRST

Set Up Stressed Out

Care Taking

Making ourselves indispensable

Martyrdom

Rescuing others – “Ms Fixit”

High Control Needs Hyper-responsible

“Take charge” style

Obsessive behaviors

Difficulty asking for help

Perfectionistic

Set Up Stressed Out

People Pleasing

Lack of boundaries

Swallow feelings, defer to others

Avoid conflict – smooth over

Others

Indirect, dishonest communication

Difficulty relaxing

All or none thinking

Disconnected, unaware of feelings, needs

Self worth determined by others

Ownership

Situation

aOptions

Moving fromReactivetoProactive

Want or Need

Plan A Plan B Plan C

Short Term Strategies

Relaxation techniques Mental vacation Body scan Notice breathing 4 -- 7 -- 8

Laughter

Attitude of gratitude

Stopping / still point

Reduce caffeine

Long Term Strategies

Review Energy Drains Relationships

Environment

Body -- Mind -- Spirit

Work

Money

Determine Top 5 Procrastinations Prioritize Decide One thing to do to get started

Review Ways to Re-energize

Relationships Environment Body -- Mind -- Spirit

Work Money

• conflict management

CommunicationIssues

D E S C

InvitedFeedback

Skills Sets

3 Commandments

TeamAgreements

Send . . .

Listen . . . Ask . . .

IDP• negotiation skills• listening / feedback • dealing with negativity

Team Building

Results

Accountability

Commitment

Trust

Conflict

Lencioni, Patrick. The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. San Francisco: Jossey Bass, 2002

Dealing with Difficult Behavior

Situation / Behavior Approach / Suggestion

Manipulative behavior Set limits, be consistentclarify consequences

Defensive reaction Ask: “What did you hear me say? . . . . . .

Revengeful behavior Collect data and confront

Passive - aggressive / sniper (overt) Surface the issue(covert) Confront

Tearful “I can see you are upset”. . . I would like to resolve this . . . .

Dealing with Difficult Behavior

Situation / Behavior Approach / Suggestion

Side stepping / debater Stay focused on the issue

Hostile - aggressive Match styles -- call by name;time out; move to quiet place; “want to resolve this,but not this way

Complainer / whiner Listen to main points . . . get specific; shift focus to solutions

Withdrawal Provide silence, maintain eye contact . . . . .

Suggestions for Effective Self Management

SharpentheSaw

1. Quiet time each day to pause, reflect and refill.

2. Schedule priorities rather than prioritizing the schedule.

3. Positive thinking / re-framing.

Suggestions for Effective Self Management

4. Healthy food, rest, exercise

5. Regular time to “unplug” and just “be”

6. Break in routine every 6-8 weeks

SharpentheSaw

Suggestions for Effective Self Management

7. Laughter on a daily basis

8. Practice gratitude

9. Time with friends who nourish us

10. Hobbies, outside interests

SharpentheSaw

Three Part Process for Sustained Personal Change

Focus on the behavior change -- be specific

Daily practice in “doing it differently”-- integrated into practice

Build in accountability and support -- consistency

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Take Away Ideas