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You know when it comes to men, there are things we know, the things unknown, and the unknown unknowns. Sofar as we understand so far, there’s one thing that I almost have to let my clients know every time: men don’t listen!

Okay, that’s an exaggeration. Men do listen, but to be specific, men are not chomping at the bit to listen to what we try to make them do.

Unless he’s got the backbone of a jellyfish, most men reactto be being ordered around like a kid reacts to chores.

What’s worse is that if he was actually thinking of doing what you order, it will be like a kid being told to do chores right before taking out the trash!

All it really does it kill his motivation, along with any chances of the actual thing getting done in a constructive way.

So you might be wondering, just how the heck can we actually put our men to work without “putting them to work”?

You may or may not know that man, on a primal level, actually do get some pleasure from pleasing their women in various non-sexual ways; the key is finding out how to

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unlock this primal imperative without making them think you’re trying to force it.

If a man does something, then the chances are that he’s doing it because it’s what he thinks is expected of him as a person.

I’m not saying that he thinks it’s expected of him like an “order”, but expected of him as in it falls in line with what he feels is natural. If a guy thinks that its his duty as a realman to please you, he’s going to want to live up to that expectation!

Let’s pull up a miniature scale-model of the man’s brain and poke around the wires for a little bit, shall we?

A man’s brain is wired up for more than few things, but for today’s lesson, we’re just going to be focusing on two weirdlittle things in there: appreciation and praise.

Do you know what it is that makes us want to do certain things and not want to do other things? I know it might seem kind of facetious, but I’m serious.

Why is it that you think we all grow up with these different little triggers for the things we like and the things that we don’t like?

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You could just say “I like what I like and I don’t like what I don’t like!”, and you wouldn’t be wrong! We’re going to get a little bit deeper into the matrix with this right now, though. The reason that we like what we like and we dislikewhat we dislike is due to “conditioning”.

Somewhere along the place where the roads of genes and personal experiences intersect, we LEARN to associate certain things with pleasure and certain other things with nastiness.

A man, on a micro-cellular level, is more or less “programmed” to feel amazing when he is validated as a strong and capable mate.

This is one of the ancient laws of the animal kingdom, still in effect today! As men grow older, whether or not they’re completely aware of this subtle protocol in their brains to be strong mates, they’re making associations with it. Whena man is appreciated or praised by a female for doing something impressive or helping her, it speaks to that ancient node in his brain.

After a lifetime of dealing with all kinds of fair weather ladies, a man has more or less had it “set” in his unconscious mind that it feels good to have girls thinking ofhim as a helpful and manly stud!

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We’re all in agreement that we want our men to be helpful and manly studs, right? Well the good news is that they want to be that stud just as much, if not more than we want them to.

Now here’s the not-so-fun news; just because we’re basically on the same page on one level doesn’t mean that it always rises to the surface. Modern-day smartphone society has diluted A LOT of the ancient impulses that got us into the age of lightbulbs; some for better, some not-so-convenient.

There is hope! That ancient drive to be amazing and helpfulmates is still embedded somewhere in the messy drawer ofyour man’s subconscious. If you can find out how to SUMMON the ghost of that ancient inner caveman out to take control for just a little while, you won’t believe some of the things that your guy will be willing to do!

As we said before, you want to be able to do this without making him feel like you’re trying to bulldoze him into responsibility.

If you can pull this off without coming off as too pushy, then you’re going to love what can get done. The last thingthat you want to do is for him to see you as some kind of growling, savage warrior bride out to murder his manhood!

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So how do we do it? It might seem like it takes magic to the uninformed, but as long as you’re reading this, you are not the uninformed.

You are getting access to a store of information that some women don’t come to realizing on their own in an entire lifetime of trial and error!

You can definitely make this work with some persistence, but luckily, this doesn’t really even call for an inhuman level of persistence.

As a matter of fact, trying really hard is probably what we’re going to avoid doing in this case. All that we’re goingto be doing here is finding the most subtle, non-gray-hair-preserving way to get your man on the track to being your willing superhero.

Even though a lot of men make a big show about what a drag it is to do this and that for their women, you’ve got topay attention to the context in which something like that is likely to happen!

The thing is that men are most likely to complain about doing this and that for when they’ve already been in a relationship for an extended period of time. At the point when the chemistry has more or less simmered down from that initial boil, things start to settle down and the starts twinkle a tiny bit less.

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Now compare this state of mind to the way that a man actsbefore the relationship started! When men are courting, they are literally competing.

Even if he’s the only guy you’ve spoken with for longer than 3 minutes in the last 3 seasons, in his mind, he’s going to be thinking about all of the different men that you might be comparing him to.

In this buildup, the “she loves me, she loves me not” anxiety will throw his heart into a little fever. When he’s drunk on the newness of your affection and the chance of you possible accepting him, he’ll be ready jump headfirst into a brick wall if you said something you wanted was on the other side!

Men who are trying impress a lady will develop an almost superhuman level of patience and pain tolerance for the purpose of being “the man” in your eyes.

Now, after the period of time to be “the man” ha finally advanced INTO him being “your man”, how do you keep your status as “that woman”?

“That woman” is the woman that’s never a sure thing, but he’d love nothing more than to find out. You are “that woman” when every time he communicates with you feels like hope to him. You are “that woman” when you agree to

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go on another date. You are “that woman” when he wonders where you’ve been his entire life.

Once the relationship is established, and you have gone from “that woman” to “his woman”, that anxiety he felt naturally isn’t going to stay at level 10 all by itself! Familiarity is comfort, and comfort is the opposite of competition.

With a lack of competition, the man isn’t going to be as likely to VOLUNTEER going through six rings of hell to find your lost slipper!

So now that we’re here, it’s time to think about what we can do to let him know that “his woman” is still “that woman”.

We need to get him back into that zone where you are still “that woman” who isn’t a sure thing. Even though you’re ina relationship with him, you can still be “that woman” who requires competition and effort to have on the team!

Once he recognizes you as a challenge again, he’s going to be chomping at the bit to start looking for ways to win you over all over again - voila, you’ve got a man who’s ready togive service with smile!

Now, just for the sake of providing an example here, let’s say that the ol’ anniversary is coming up and you think it

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would be just perfect if your man could do something morespecial for you than forgetting it.

As a matter of fact, what if you man actually did somethingnice! Picture that, right? The only question is, how do you we get him to do with without wanting to fly away?

Well, for starters, we can definitely avoid trying to do it by saying something like, “Honey. I know you have somethingplanned for our anniversary, but I don’t feel like being surprised. Tell me what you planned.”

No no, that just won’t do at all. You know what else won’t really do?

“Plan something for our anniversary.’

I’m no statistician, but I can bet with 100% certainty that there are only TWO types of relationships that involve women approach their men about anniversaries like that: the kind that don’t exist, and the kinds that do exist with an amazing amount of cheating.

So if you don’t want your relationships to fall into one of those two different categories, let’s talk about the ways to do this that AREN’T terrible!

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We can get some pretty good results with a little number like this, “Babe! You know what I love? I just love the way you surprised me last year for our anniversary. It still makes my heart melt just to think about it.

I know I don’t even need to ask you about what you have planned this year, because I already know it’s going to be something amazing.

Now you see, this way of doing it is pretty much fantastic in every way that the previous two ways are terrible. You’renot telling your man to do anything.

You’re not ordering your man to live up to your standards. You’re not reminding your man that he suddenly has a business trip to go on. You’re praising him and encouragingat the same time! Imagine that!

Now let’s not move any further without me just issuing a little disclaimer here to ensure that no one sends an angry email: this is something that you probably (read: DEFINITELY) want to to do in advance! Try maybe a week, possibly even two weeks in advance to be safe.

We love our men. We love our men more when they make it easier for us to love them by doing stuff on time. If you want your man to pull through after you’ve supercharged his ancient superpower with praise, do the poor old boy a

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favor and allow him a grace period. You’re not really expecting him to already have something set up, but it’s like a gentle tap on his shoulder.

Let’s just throw another example in here to make things even more versatile.

“Hey sweetie, I really can’t wait for your amazing anniversary surprise. I know it’s going to be incredible, butI want to look incredible too! What do you think I should wear for it? I really want to show out for you.”

Now you see what you’re doing in that deviously brilliant little line is fusing the encouragement and reward into one little tasty sandwich of psychological conditioning!

You’re not only showing him praise and appreciation, but you’re ALSO giving him the hint of a reward by teasing at the thought of you dressing up really sexy for him.

So if you were worried at the beginning of the section that these methods would be too complicated, I hope you’ve stopped sweating now!

All of the intimate little psychological concepts we’ve been covering will come together in a hot, streamlined package of persuasion if you follow these general models!

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Now let’s think of what happens right after we offer this little bit of choice “encouragement” to the man to get his butt in gear, without actually telling him to get his butt in gear.

Just because of the way that you tied a sense of validation to the praise that you gave him, chances are good that he’sgoing to want to feel more of that!

If he already had something planned, then this is going to be the type of thing that can actually motivate him to step it up to a higher notch and want to outdo himself.

If he didn’t have anything planned yet, then approaching matter in a way like this is going to seriously make him want to start thinking of a way that he can exceed your expectations.

Now when it comes to your expectations, the reason that this works as well as it does is because of fact that you communicate your expectations to him in an indirect manner. You make it clear to him that you want him to do an awesome thing, but you deliver that package in shiny gift wrap that makes him feel like he’s the king of the world.

There’s no manipulation, no lying, no confrontation, and noachy sexual favors required to make this technique work just as well as it does! You’ll be making the indirect

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approach so that everything he feels about it ties back to his ego investment. The man’s ego investment is like the dictator of his thinking mind AND his I-just-want-sex mind.It’s a non-hostile takeover!

The man is going to feel like there’s a calling he has to be recognized as a powerful, worthy mate in order to fulfill hisrole to the court of nature!

The last thing that the man wants is to be told exactly whathe has to do, but the first thing that he wants is to be awesome for things that he actually does choose to do - two birds are fed with the same bag of birdseed with this technique.

So after making these statements, the situation is that your man is basically going to know that you’re anticipatingsomething and that you’re excited.

Instead of feeling pressure from you, the pressure he’s going to feel is going to be the positive kind of pressure that comes from wanting to do the best that he can on his accord.

He wants to try to live up to what the best example of himself is, and just by complimenting him in a relatively indirect but highly affectionate way, you’re making him come face to face with whatever he believes is his best self. When he sees that version of his best self that you

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believe in, he’s going to feel challenged to prove you right!

Maybe he’ll surprise you with a bouquet. Maybe it will be a bouquet of roses, or maybe the flowers will be something else entirely because he wanted to be deep. Maybe it won’tbe obscure flowers at all, but instead, something charmingly cliche like a box of chocolates.

Whether it’s chocolates, barbecue eel sushi or tickets to that one thing that that you can brag about for going to thething, he’ll be thinking about something.

He’s going to feel that he’s got to race against the clock to show you that he’s up to snuff, and when a man goes into challenge mode, you might as well consider it game over!

You see, men have this “thing” for competition that you’ve probably witnessed once or twice. A guy wants to be betterthan other guys as much as the next guy. He’s not just going to be thinking about you and you alone when he feels the challenge to show that he’s a top-shelf man, but also his own competition!

His competing fellow men don’t even have to be people that he personally knows, but the fact that they EXIST will be enough to make thing think that there still yet mountains out there yet to be climbed!

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When he’s thinking about how he can live up to the praisesthat you sing about him, he’s going to be wondering about what he can do to overcome other options.

Now we’ve just used examples that pertain to the anniversary so far, but what about other situations? Other situations can be handled to!

As a matter of fact, you can use this wonderful tiny dynamic duo of appreciation and praise in just about any interaction that they fit - that means everything. It’s like water, because it takes the shape of any container!

So here’s an example of one of the ways that we could make this work in a completely non-anniversary situation, but still a relevant situation all the same!

“Babe, I was just talking to one of my girlfriends and I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing! It’s only Wednesday, and she told me that she’s caught her boyfriend lying to her for the fifth time! How do you even do enough things to lie to someone about in that amount about time? It just makes me so much more grateful you’re always honest and good to me, seriously.”

So you don’t have to take this example and use it word for word, obviously, but just think of how much power you

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have in using it! When you use a line like this, you’re basically showing the man that your belief in his quality is directly tied to your idea of how honest he is.

Now you’ve praised him, but the best thing about this is that you can also considered this to be like a warning shot wrapped in silk.

You’re not commanding that he never ever lie to you, but you’re letting him see that if he ever does lie, you’re not going to consider him an amazing man anymore.

In a way you could really see that what’s happening here islike a silent little game of give-and-take. First you give the man just a little taste of the praise and admiration you have for him, which sets that primal ancient avatar inside of him on fire! Then, after you give the praise, you put it inthe balance by making it a CONDITION.

You let him see that there are legitimately standards for the kind of men that you appreciate. When you show him that there are serious standards for the kind of men that you actually believe to be worth your time, you are taking away any misconception that he might have about your affection being something that can’t ever be lost or compromised.

Isn’t it just incredible how you can pull all of this off without even needing to actually start an annoying

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argument with your man? Just make sure that, whatever you say, you’re make a point to keep a straight face when you say these things so that your man knows what what you’re saying is serious business; not jury duty serious, but“I mean it” serious.

Now unfortunately, we’re still a couple of years off from being able to take a psychic mind reading class that actually works; because of that, we can only come so closeto being able to detect a lie that people are telling us when they are. In the meantime, until 100% mind reading becomes a thing, we have to deal with our contingency plans!

What I’ve just shared with you is a contingency plan that works, because it gives you the power to lay the pressure of his own ego on top of him to avoid lying to you.

His ego investment is going to be inextricably tied to the fact that you don’t think he’s a liar, and that means that even if he does think of lying to you, it will be five times harder for him to actually go through with it.

We can’t force our men to do OR not to do anything, and that’s why it’s not what we’re aiming for with these kinds oftechniques in the very first place!

We can make him avoid doing things like lying, however, the same way that we can encourage him to get a little bit

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more creative about special occasions: by raising the stakes!

Well, you could either call it raising the stakes, or raising the temperature, or anything else along the lines of implying a higher risk. Nothing creates attraction like a sense of risk that something can be lost, and when you make it clear that you have a certain belief in him based onthe way he conducts himself, it tells him that he is at risk of losing you if he doesn’t fly straight!

The end result of all of this is that the man is ultimately going to want to live up to the expectations that you have of him, because those expectations are going become his expectations of himself. The reason that this is going to happen is going to be due to the fact that you tie his ego-investment into those expectations by praising him for key qualities.

On the other hand, he might start acting on his better behavior for another reason too. He might just be thinking of what might happen if word of something he did got to his friends. It’s not that you blackmail him, but it’s going tobe the fear of the contrast of the flattering things that you initially say to him.

After hearing you praise him just one time, a man takes note and stores it in a place where it can affect his confidence. Just by being sweet to him, you unlock a chain reaction in his mind that leads to him wanting to avoid the

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loss of that praise. When he hears that you’re grateful for not being like other girlfriends’ men, he’d hate to imagine the same being said about him!

You may have already guessed it at this point, but the things that you can prevent a man from doing are practically just as numerous as the things that can encourage him to do.

Not only can you use these techniques as a way to discourage your man from telling lies, but you can also discourage him from disloyalty in general: this includes cheating.

Now some of my clients, who simply didn’t know any better, thought that the best way to discourage their men from cheating would be to aggressively forbid it from the outset. While what they did was definitely understandable, it’s a far cry from what I would ever actually suggest as a countermeasure myself!

Instead of getting in your man’s face and threatening to turn him into a girl if he ever cheats on you, there’s another way that will save you a lot more stress and probably just work better in general in the long run.

Here’s a tactful , hypothetical example of how we could gently steer your man towards staying on the loyal road:

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“Babe, you wouldn’t believe what I just had to help my girl through. She was with her husband for 5 years without a single problem, and she found out he’s been cheating on her since before they even got together. She was hysterical and I got scared too. I thought about how I might have ended up with a guy less loyal than you, and I don’t know what I would do.”

You see with an example like this, you can adjust it to be just about any story you have about a woman who’s had her world broken by a man she trusted. When you praise him for being loyal, you’re obviously being honest, but something else is happening on another level.

First of all, the guy that you tell your man about is clearly going to sound like somebody you think is lower than tire mud. Hearing how much you despise the man who broke the friend who was disloyal to your friend is going to tell him that he would get the same reaction!

He probably already understands on a basic level that being cheated on isn’t something on your bucket list, but illustrating it in an up-front way like this is going to force him to think about it harder.

Since you’re doing the opposite of accusing him of being disloyal, there won’t be any way for him to on the defensive. You’re praising him and making him feel good on one level, but that sweetness comes with a little bitter spike to it: the mention of “another guy”.

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One of the most underestimated killers to a relationship is the mistake of simply forgetting that the other person has options. I’m not talking about people that your special somebody wants to jump on and start an affair, but just the simple fact that there are other people who could have been in your position!

Just thinking of the fact that you’re aware of the world of other people out there who could be relationship candidates is going to make him a little bit nervous.

At the same time that you acknowledge the fact that he was an amazing choice, he’s going to start wondering about just how much he stacks up compared to the others who might want a shot with you!

So, in all this red velvet cake sweetness, there is still the looming truth that he can’t just get comfortable and decidehis work is done because the two of you happen to be together. Not only will he probably work harder to please you, but he’ll also be forced to think of your praise of him any time he may get a fantasy about being disloyal!

Sweet, healthy, and innocently devious little lines like this will take you a long way! Any relationship that’s going to last, at least in a real way, needs positive affirmations so that both parties know that the other party still gives a damn about them every once in a while. You are giving the

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positive affirmation AND creating value at the same time! Win-win situation here.

You see, no matter what the personalities are between two people in a relationship, the basic needs are the same on abiological level!

The man wants to feel validated as a dependable boyfriend/husband, but at the same time, he’s addicted to that challenge that comes from a woman who keeps him on his toes.

Lots of my clients have expressed a bit of frustration about finding the right balance with their guys. Even when the chemistry between them was mostly solid, they would naturally (and intelligently) have concerns about the future! They didn’t want the spark to die from a lack of passion, but they didn’t want to come off as desperate either.

I put together this section as an answer to that haunting question of just how to keep the flame alive and flickering as a relationship weathers uncertain waters! You may not be able to predict a stormy future right now, but you can guarantee that his inner fire stays hot and bright through the night.

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